Competitive Grieving

by Nora Zelevansky

An Entertainment Weekly Pick of Summer's Best New Books
Wren's closest friend, her anchor since childhood, is dead. Stewart Beasley. Gone. She can't quite believe it and she definitely can't bring herself to google what causes an aneurysm. Instead of weeping or facing reality, Wren has been dreaming up the perfect funeral plans, memorial buffets, and processional songs for everyone from the corner bodega owner to her parents (none of whom show signs of imminent demise). Stewart was a rising TV star, who--for reasons Wren struggles to understand--often surrounded himself with sycophants, amusing in his life, but intolerable in his death. When his icy mother assigns Wren the task of disseminating his possessions alongside George (Stewart's maddening, but oddly charming lawyer), she finds herself at the epicenter of a world in which she wants no part, where everyone is competing to own a piece of Stewart's memory (sometimes literally). Remembering the boy Stewart was and investigating the man he became, Wren finds herself wondering, did she even know this person who she once considered an extension of herself? Can you ever actually know anyone? How well does she really know herself? Through laughter and tears, Nora Zelevansky's Competitive Grieving shines a light on the universal struggle to grieve amidst the noise, to love with a broken heart, and to truly know someone who is gone forever.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Romance, Audiobook, Literary Fiction, Book Club, Adult

341 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 11, 2021

About the author

NORA ZELEVANSKY is the author of Will You Won't You Want Me?, Semi-Charmed Life and Competitive Grieving (out in paperback on May 10th, 2022!). Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, ELLE, Town & Country, the Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal and Vanity Fair, among others. She lives with her husband, two kids and enormous cat, Waldo, in Brooklyn, New York.

*BOOK CLUBS should reach out via IG or norazelevansky.com to have the author Skype or call in!

Reviews

[Larry H · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was seriously amazing.

Wren is absolutely shocked when she learns that her best friend Stewart has died. They’d essentially known each other since birth (their mothers met during pregnancy) and even though their lives took very different paths (he became a TV star, she worked in grant writing), they were each other’s anchors.

Shaken to her core but unable to fully grieve, she is asked by Stewart’s mother to go through his apartment along with his friend and lawyer, George. She is quickly angered and horrified by the group of Stewart’s friends—each one needier than the next—who fight to prove who knew him best, whose grief is more palpable, who should have a bigger part of his legacy.

But as she remembers her friend, she starts to realize there was a lot she didn’t know about Stewart the man. Was he the person she thought he was? Was she the person he thought she was? Do we ever really know anyone, even our childhood friends?

Competitive Grieving is a poignant, funny, hopeful, and thought-provoking book, but it’s not too sad. I loved Wren’s character and felt she was very realistic, and even though many of the other characters’ behaviors were so shocking, you could see why they acted the way they did and why Stewart would keep them around.

I’m grateful to my friend Stacy for bringing this book to my attention on Bookstagram. She said it was her favorite book last month and it’s easily going to be one of my favorites of the year. Nora Zelevansky's storytelling was just fantastic here.

Check out my list of the best books I read in 2020 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2020.html.

See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.

Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.

[Book Clubbed · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC. Listen to full episodes at: https://bookclubbed.buzzsprout.com/

I am a layperson in the realm of romance. Or, to rephrase that, a layperson in the realm of romance fiction (best to not indict my personal life in a book review). The first, true “romance genre” book I read was 50 Shades, which is a bit like preparing for a bakery tasting by getting smashed in the face with a pie.

I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect in this book—as far as tropes, pacing, or sentence-level writing went--so I did my best to stay open-minded. I did choose this one because it promised humor. The humor of the book, in my opinion, fell terribly flat, relying on one-dimensional characters such as the “white hippie girl with sage” and “failed poon hound rocker” and featuring jokes that could have been found on Twitter in 2007. It’s fine to use these caricatures to skewer types of people, but nothing found in here is fresh or clever in that regard.

Everything else, I thought, was quite strong, and it even managed to light a little candle of love in the cold cavern of my heart.

The lead characters were strong, messy, and flawed, probing and reflecting throughout the book. Our protagonist gains depth as the narrative unfolds and manages to mature in an authentic and touching manner. Stewart has the greatest character change, even though the inciting action is his death, with the unraveling of his personality as people share stories of him. These two have a dynamic friendship, not an easy thing to pull off when the book is also largely a meditation on death and loss.

For a book that traffics in romance tropes, both ironically and un-ironically, there is very little romance, passion, lust, or even sex in the first half of the novel. However, Zelevansky integrates romance into the second half without it competing, tonally, with the grief that is the backbone of this story. I ended up rooting for the romantic kinship to work out, even if I resisted it at first. It was impressive to me that the gentleman in question won her over just as he won the reader over.

I’m not a hopeless romantic yet, but with a few more books like this, I might just get there.

[Shandi Pattison · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe I’m just crabby but… I expected more from this book. It dragged on, the humour was cheesy and it was predictable. The main character was a whiny, self-centred, judgemental brat. Not sure how I slogged through this one but I did. Blink.

[Robyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

WELL! I am not really sure what the point was with this book, as it left me a bit confused about whether or not it had a message to offer. The fact that Wren's best friend of her whole life, Stewart, has suddenly died and left her afloat in a sea of confusion and grief is not the question that could be and was accomplished in the first chapter..... But more importantly, was there a reason this book was written? Was I supposed to gain some insight or learn something about death? WHAT?

Wren's actions and innermost thoughts seemed more of a lament that Stewart was gone and does not seem to be in line with what she proposes is her broken-hearted level of grief. By the way, her heart is so broken that she is still able to notice how HOT the attorney is and sexy his arms are (her heart is broken?).

Her zealous review of Stewart's whole life was done for what reason? To indicate that she was what? Because it truly seemed that the quest was more about HER than about questing to find out about Stewart's life. By the time she even remotely displays a real emotion for the loss of her friend, I had so failed to connect with her that I had no feelings for her. In fact, her feelings were simply a mirror of what she accused the other friends of displaying and I judged her to be more of a jealous and controlling bitch, than not. The fact that she resented the expressions of grief by the others only served to make her more on the level of the others and her overly self-absorbed "grief" (one that really didn't show itself) seemed to resent and diminish any room for anyone to actually grieve, even if she didn't like how they did it.

I found what Zelevansky probably thought was pithy and flippant conversations about the friends that Stewart had surrounded himself to be so negative and snarky that it detracted from her character's likeability. I noticed this several times, that Wren was sort of the queen of mean remarks that extended to just about everyone .... even about mother, Stewart's mother or runners who run in the rain or people who were in therapy with Stewart, just sort of making her an all-around jerk. I also questioned the exaggerated disdainful qualities of Stewart's friends as they were over the top ridiculous, that instead of funny, just became puerile.

Wow, sorry... clearly I was looking for something else from the book. I hope that you find what you seek here.

2 stars

Happy Reading!

[Heather~ Nature.books.and.coffee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a heartfelt, enjoyable book. Wrens lifelong friend, Stewart, unexpectedly passes away and she feels lost and confused. Stewart's mother asks her if she can go through Stewart's possessions with his lawyer, whom she finds to be quite captivating. While going through his things, she wonders if she ever truly knew him like she thought she did. Do you ever really know who people really are…or yourself for that matter?


This book explores the feelings of losing a loved one in a more light way. It was darkly funny, well written, captivating and I loved reading it. I will definitely be looking forward to reading more by this author!!

Thank you to the author and publisher for the gifted copy. All opinions are my own!

[Vanessa Mathieson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I wanted to read a comedy - something a little lighter between everything else lately. And uhhh… brilliant move. Although, I think I cried 3 times. I also laughed out loud more times than I could count. At first it felt very superficial to me. I love chick lit usually as an escape, but sometimes it can feel forced. Like when authors try really hard to be casual and slang in their writing and it seems vapid. Which this book sort of started out as - but it quickly turned into something I didn’t want to put down. It dealt with the subject of grief in a darkly humorous way that everyone thinks of, but is rarely brave enough to say out loud. I loved the development of the main character and the subsequent development of perspectives we get on death and grieving. Pick this up when you want to laugh and then cry and then ponder about the subject matter for a long time afterwards.

[Geonn Cannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Extremely meh. I cringed when the book opened with a slew of Bachelor-obsession and emoji-laden text. Both simmered down relatively quickly, but it was always present to the point where I can't help but wonder just how long it is before half the interactions in the book feel extraordinarily dated (if they aren't already).

As for the romance... a prime example of "Well, there's a man in this story, so naturally she has to fall madly in love with him. They're soul mates because they're in the same room three times in one week. That's just how it works."

[Diane Payne · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I first started reading the novel, I didn't get too far because it felt too slapsticky, too Hollywood. Weeks later, I decided to give it another try. Even though the book implies that it's about grieving and loss, in many ways it isn't, which is odd after reading the author's message at the end of the novel and having endured a few recent deaths. Maybe this book was more of a cathartic project for the author, a way to resolve and reflect on those deaths in a way that would move her forward.

The novel is about a young B-list actor who dies and how friends (if I were using the style of the author, I'd write "friends" in quotes) gather to go through his belongings. Our main character, Wren, his best friend since childhood, has a tendency to look at people, strangers, those she knows, and planning their funerals in her head, an obsession of sorts, and when she is faced with actually helping plan a funeral, she sees the friends of Stewart, the dead actor, as vultures wanting his goods to sell on Ebay, as people who are outdoing each other with showing their grief, competing to say who was the closest friend.

None of the characters come across as likeable, except for our brief encounter with a former high school friend who had gone to counseling with Stewart as teens. But she doesn't have a large role in the novel, except for dropping the hints that Stewart was depressed, which other people later reveal also, and it seems that Wren, for whatever reason, she does seem rather pre-occupied with herself, never notices.

The intended audience for this novel is probably young woman who like romance and humor, which may be why the novel didn't work for me. Everyone was catty, selfish, and oblivious. The plot was rather predictable, but I don't want to provide spoilers, but when I reached the end of the novel, I rather wished the novel started there, after the funeral, and then we may have had a novel with some depth.

[Dianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really have no clue what to say about this book. It was a difficult book for me to get through, and unfortunately, I guessed the twist early on.

I was not too fond of all of the characters ( even the MC Wren), even at the end when things became clearer. I truly found no humor in this novel -maybe it's my age or the fact that I've lived through things like this and never saw this kind of greed and one-upmanship.

This is a book I would recommend if you have a high tolerance to avarice ( even if it is for a supposed good reason), meanness, and cruelty.

This will not be going onto my 'comfort book' shelf!

*ARC supplied by the publisher.

[Amy (amy_alwaysreading) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Update-

At any given time, you could ask me why I read, and depending on the day, you might get one of many different answers. Some days it’s to entertain. Others it’s for building my compassion. Or to swoon. Or to learn. Or to escape life. The list is endless.

On Monday night, I learned that my baby brother had taken his life. He was only 28 years old.

No words adequately describe the pain. There’s no way to make sense of this.

But I feel so thankful to have read Competitive Grieving by @noradahliazelevanksy several years ago. That book was a gift to me when I first read it. It was irreverent and witty and cathartic. It explored grief in the most unique way and felt like a hug for my soul.

And now, as I walk through the unthinkable, I’m struck by how that book and its perspective prepared me for this moment. Competitive Grieving held my hand oh so tenderly and allowed me to walk this exact road. To gain a viewpoint I was going to need. To comfort me in advance.

Even though I read this book more than 2 years ago, it has breathed life into the dark and difficult situation I’m now facing.

And so today, if you ask me why I read... the answer will be very personal. It’ll be about understanding situations I never wanted to be in. It’ll be about finding peace in the impossible. It’ll be about honoring life and extending boundless compassion. It’ll be about seeing my brother a little more clearly. It’ll be about living (and eventually laughing) through the pain of loss.

I’m taking some time off this week. But I hope to be back next week.

Many, MANY of you have reached out after seeing my stories, and I’m so thankful to have such supportive friends and community here. I appreciate you more than I can express.

Lastly, Competitive Grieving is one of the most underrated books. It does not get near the attention it deserves, and it’s not just for people in the throes of grief. It’s laugh out loud funny while also being deeply impactful. Do yourself a favor and add it to your TBR.


--------------------------------------------------------------

Original Review-

Irreverent. Heartfelt. Cathartic. This book was the absolute best surprise.

Wren’s best friend. Her very anchor. Dead. Gone. It’s unfathomable. It’s insurmountable. And as such, Wren’s mind practically refuses to accept it.

It’s a universal truth that laughter is the best medicine. My favorite scene in Steel Magnolias is when, in the deepest throws of grief, Clairee offers Ouiser up to M’Lynn, “Hit this! Go ahead M’Lynn, slap her…we’ll sell t-shirts saying I slapped Ouisser Boudreaux!” In the dredges of despair, laughter broke the cycle.

This book takes that idea a step further. Rather than one scene, the entire book infuses dark humor and dry wit to excavate the messiness of the grief journey. And in doing so, creates the most unique exploration of grief that I’ve ever read.

My absolute favorite scenes of the book were where Wren dreams up funeral plans for everyone she comes in contact with, from the bodega owner to her own parents. The cause of death. The music played at the service. The food served afterwards. It’s shocking and completely irreverent. And yet, it’s a hysterically funny method for unlocking deep seated emotion and processing the breathtaking pain.

It’s not all comedic though. As Wren packs away Stewart’s estate, alongside his other friends (whom she refers to as vultures), she must come to terms with the idea that Stewart had many versions to himself, some of which she never knew, but all authentic and all true.

Through that process, Wren is taken on her own journey of self-discovery, which was easy to relate and left me with much to ponder.

I was not prepared for how impactful yet funny this book would be. I laughed. I cried. I wanted to smack some people. This is a deeply satisfying and heartwarming look at grief that is both resonant and truly entertaining.

Many thanks to my partner @blackstonepublishing for this #gifted copy.

[Emily Barth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has everything I love: romance, humor, depth, thoughtful reflections on life and friendship, and likable-if-flawed (aren't we all?!) characters. Sigh. I loved it so much I just wanted to read it all over again the moment I finished. (So I did!)

I don't want to give any spoilers, but I thought the arc of the story was so satisfying, and I loved that it took us through the whole process of grief, and all the many ways grief can manifest. It can make us all less flattering versions of ourselves sometimes, and then, if we're lucky, take us to a new place of understanding and grace and generosity, as it does in this book.

I love to read romances, and I love women's fiction, and I feel like this book has the best elements of each. It isn't predictable, yet it does allow the reader to see some insights before they materialize to Wren, who is clouded by her grief. It's a coming of age story in the best way. I've always thought it silly that so many coming of age stories take place around teenagers, when so many people, myself included, truly came of age in our early adulthood. Wren is lost at the beginning of the book, in ways she doesn't even realize. By the end, while everything isn't tidy and easy, she has certainly grown and blossomed in such satisfying ways I really related to.

I love the romantic elements of the book-- it's swoony without being unrealistic. I love how real all the characters felt to me. They were unique and quirky and hilarious, but felt like they could be MY old friends, not just Wren's! I recognized each of them and yet they surprised me just like real people do. And even when they made dubious choices, I could empathize.

Nora Zelevansky's writing is just flat-out gorgeous. I'm a huge fan of her other novels, especially "Will You Won't You Want Me" which is one of my all-time favorite books. I re-read it whenever I need a pick-me-up, and I know "Competitive Grieving" will be a similar guidepost for me in years to come. Her prose is evocative and rich, yet accessible, a combination so rare and so lovely. I can't wait for her next book!!!

[T. Rosado · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

Initially, I wasn't sure I could make it through this story. For a large portion of the book, the reader was in the protagonist's head as she processed her friend's sudden death. Her attitude kind of wore on me as she negatively dissected every person around her. Yet, at the same time, it was Wren's narrative and mindset as she grieved and tried to understand her loss and who her best friend was to other people in his life. As the story progressed, I found myself drawn in and by the end of the book, I was happy with Wren's character arc. There was a significant shift in her outlook and view of others. Overall, this was a bittersweet story laced with light humor and romance.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a dark comedy, an unlikely love story about Wren's main character, who believes her life is just fine, but the bar has been set low. Wren lives her life, but not to its fullest potential. When her best friend from childhood dies suddenly, Wren is left to confront his loss and navigate a bunch of complicated and crazy relationships he's left behind. The book is about Wren's desire to be seen after this loss, especially now that her friend isn't there to confirm her significance any longer.

Throughout the book, I love how the character envisioned each person's funeral and how it might play out. One of the things I found interesting was how one person's loss could set off a whole chain of events for many people. The character discovers new things about herself through that loss and learns about people she didn't know. The book illustrates the idea that we don't have to sacrifice the version of the person we know just because someone else has a different version. As you read this book, you can see why some people in the story were kept apart. This whole cast of characters was vying for attention in this melodrama world.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/nor...

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grieving is not a pretty experience but, rather, painful, messy, embarrassing, occasionally (horrifyingly) funny, surreal, surprising, cathartic, enlightening. To me, Competitive Grieving deftly captures all this. I was struck by the way Zelevansky wrote the complexity of Wren’s reactions to the untimely death of her friend. Wren felt like a refreshingly real person, imperfect, witty, struggling. I loved the way this truly funny book did not shy away from the death or from the way losing someone can make all of us unlikeable at times. Right now, as we all grieve collectively for those we know who have died and those we don’t, Competitive Grieving feels like a balm. It is the charming and candid reassurance we need. And the romantic storyline is just so satisfying throughout and in the end. Five stars for this unflinching comedy about the way loss undoes us and, wondrously, puts us back together.

[Desiree Reads · Rating 1 out of 5]

32% of the way in and still feel like we're in the introduction... it just keeps dragging on and on...

[Val (pagespoursandpups) · Rating 4 out of 5]

OK, wow. This book broke my heart right open. I flew through it in 2 days - and it's not a thin book! An emotionally astute, observant and witty book about realizing how little we actually know about another person. This book starts off a tad slow, BUT stick with it! I promise that you will be glad you did! The characters in this one are so well developed and there were moments that took my breath away.

"All this time, I thought he’d been deep into this superficial world. In fact, he was looking for distraction, for a life fantastic enough to keep him going, for eyes on him so he couldn’t fade away."

Wren is tasked with cleaning out her best friend's apartment after his death. The last thing she wants to do honestly, but she feels a responsibility to her friend. While organizing his things and getting to know some of his other friends a little better, she realizes that there were sides to her friend that she was never exposed to. Does that mean they weren't as good of friends as she thought? Does it mean she wasn't there enough for him? Does it mean that she was a bad friend? These are the thoughts she is consumed with and begins on a search to know more about that hidden part of him.

This book had me sobbing. Wren's realizations and her observations just kicked me in the gut.

"All I could think was, I am a vulture too—and maybe the worst kind. I didn’t hoard his stuff or assume control of his death, but I stole away with the parts of Stewart that I wanted to own and refused to admit that anyone else had a right to his memory—or a different memory.

Add this one to your TBD immediately and then thank me later.

[Cristan✨🪐 · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s like I was reading a book about my mother’s covert narcissistic behavior. The main character is very judgmental, makes assumptions about everyone, and complains about not feeling like her friendship was special w/her deceased childhood friend for 93% of the book. Sadly, this book wasn’t simply about grief either because there was a bit of romance thrown in for maximum confusion. I was hoping it would get better the more I read but it didn’t happen.

[Stacy40pages · Rating 5 out of 5]

Competitive Grieving by Nora Zelevansky. Thanks to the author and @blackstonepublishing for the gifted copy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

When Wren’s best friend dies unexpectedly, she is tasked with sorting his belongings. Stewart was a celebrity, so she now has to contend with the rest of the world who wants his memorabilia too. As she meets his Hollywood acquaintances, she wonders if she knew all of who Stewart was.

Wow, this book devastated me, but in a great way. Spoiler for my
Monthly recap: is going to be my favorite read this month. I loved this close examination of grief through fiction. It shows how grief can be messy, complicated, and straight up nasty. Grief can also teach us lessons about ourselves and the people around us. This book is sentimental and sad, but it’s also hilarious and romantic. I loved the dry wit and unexpected humor. I didn’t start loving it until maybe halfway through, and now I wish I had really taken my time and savored every word in the beginning as well. This is definitely going to be a keep forever book which I will reread soon!

“I think that’s loss. It’s not the crying or the sadness or the organizing of funerals and tributes or the stuff you keep, it’s the time in between when you miss the person and wish you could have them back. It’s the absence of someone you love - the times you wish you could give them a call and then realize... you can’t.”

[Kimmy · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone who has been known to have a somewhat morbid sense of humor when it comes to death, a book labeled as humor and titled “Competitive Grieving” really called out to me.

The story was the first initial days after a semi-famous actor named Stewart died and told from the perspective of his lifelong best friend who had a hard time coming to terms with other people’s grief who she felt might be trying too hard but then also wondering if she knew him at all.

In general, I love the complexity of contradictions and this book was full of that. It hit heavy topics while remaining light hearted. It had it’s deep moments but just skimmed the surface. It was so relatable and I think it hit the target it was aiming for, but for me personally, it missed the mark.

This book is probably best for people who have really been in the thick of the chaos that ensues after a death, but probably not while it’s still fresh.

[Barb]

Listened for an hour and a half. Not engaging, not funny; lacked depth, insight and emotion. A lot of words... But no joy for me. Moving on.

[Misty]

I really wanted to love this—the writing is just beautiful. Unfortunately, 300 pages of grieving couched in sophomoric humor just didn’t appeal. Next?

[Emily Chakkera · Rating 3 out of 5]

The ending had some sweet moments, but I couldn’t really get into it. 2.5 stars rounded up.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the title, loved the cover, loved the book. Competitive Grieving finds Wren losing her best friend Stewart, a rising tv star, at a young age. She goes on a quest to learn about the secrets she didn't know he was keeping and reexamines her relationship to him and the zany cast of characters who counted him as their closest friend. This book is about grief but is comedic in tone (much like The Guncle- if you liked that, you'll love this too.) Wren is disgusted with the "vultures" who claim to know Stewart as well as she did and want to pick apart his possessions and her memories of him. It seems like everyone is in a contest for who will miss him the most- except his family who seem to be unmoved.

This was funny but heartfelt. I loved that Wren mentally planned the people she encountered funerals' in little asides and the sad and touching letters she thought to her dead friend. This book was fun without being light and I will never look at people at a funeral the same way again. I hope this underrated book gets more attention and love.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

As I write this I'm still dealing with a book hangover. Wren loses her best friend to a brain aneurysm and Zelebansky puts us into Wren's head and heart for the week after his death. During the course of the book, Wren struggles to understand her grief and proceeds to dissect their lifelong friendship. Being inside Wren's head isn't always a comfortable place to be but it is multi-layered, complex, interesting, and occasionally funny. She's smart and snarky and often grumpy. I really liked how she started planning funerals (in her head) for everyone she met, especially strangers. But it was difficult to deal with Stewart's scary mother and his so-called friends/vultures through Wren's eyes. As we go through the week or so after Stewart's death Wren learns quite a bit about herself and ends up making some dramatic life changes. And I'm a big fan of protagonists learning and changing over the course of a book.

This wasn't always a comfortable read, but it was always compelling.

[Marne - Reader By the Water · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wren’s boring, safe, predictable little life is rocked by the sudden death of her lifelong friend. She’s thrown into the middle of memorial arrangements and sorting through his belongings while trying to process her grief. Making things even messier are “The Vultures,” Stewart’s needy friends, each in competition with the other for the biggest right to grieve.

It sounds depressing, right? But it’s not. The tone is contemplative but light. There’s plenty of humor and even a touch of romance. Having also lost a BFF at a young age, I thought Wren’s observations were fascinating and accurate. I wish I had a physical copy of the book to share some of it here.

I did manage to bookmark this in the audiobook (thanks to Modern Mrs. Darcy for teaching me the technique):

Stewart and Wren’s friendship was “like a book that you once loved and still carry from apartment to apartment when you move. Formative, but no longer top of mind.”

I read COMPETITIVE GRIEVING as an audiobook purchased from Audible. The narrator (Katie Schorr) did an excellent job - especially considering how much of the dialog was in texts and emojis.

[Liza Buell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Every character in this book is insufferable (as I was warned) and while the sense of irony helps, it's a painful read at times. I do think she writes about grief and loss well, but I thought the way she handled suicide could have been more tactful. It hits close to home for me, so I'm a bit sensitive about its portrayal in fiction.

[Laura Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was beautiful and insightful. I enjoyed many aspects of this book, loved the characters of Wren and George especially. On another note, I think this would make a superb movie.

There happened to be lots of editing oversights and errors though 🤦 Some of which I wondered how you could truly not notice!

[Jonathan (Jon) · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐⭐

𝙏𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙡𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨, 𝙉𝙤𝙧𝙖 𝙕𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙠𝙮'𝙨 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙂𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙖𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙜𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙞𝙨𝙚, 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧.

This was such an emotional and enjoyable read. I had no idea what it was about beforehand - other than it was emotional, and they sure were right. I was actually recommended this book by a bookish friend, and thankfully I actually enjoyed it.

This book does start off a bit slow but please stick with it because it does pick up & the story is worth the read. The characters were incredibly written, they felt so real when I was reading about them. Usually, it’s hard for me to connect to the characters, but the author wrote them in a way where I really cared about them - odd? I think not.

In the beginning, we find out Wren’s friend dies and she has to go through the process of cleaning out his apartment. I think the whole grieving process was a bit difficult to read about, but I felt so connected to the story that I flew through this one. The way Wren wrote about how her friend’s death affects her really kicked me in the gut… we also go through this phase where she may not have known the real him after all.

Although grief is a big factor in the story, we’re also provided with some funny moments that just add to the overall enjoyment. It lightens up the mood at times. We also got some other characters with different cultures and I found that so interesting.

Overall, there are some trigger warnings for some readers. If grief is something that you stay away from when reading then you may want to skip this, but if you don’t mind the grieving process then I would highly recommend this one. The ending was also super impactful. The overall writing was beautifully written and I can't wait to read more from this author.

Thank you so much to the publisher for my review copy, sorry for the super late review!

[Ann Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great book! It does the perfect job of conveying the complicated emotions associated with grief and presents it as a dark comedy.

Wren's best friend since childhood, Stewart has died and she is in mourning. He was a TV star on a successful show, so many others around the country are devastated too, whether they were casual friends or complete strangers. Stewart's mother, who she's never been close with, has tasked Wren with going through his belongings. Wren understandably feels possessive over her friend's death, but the further she organizes everything, the more she realizes that she may not have known the real Stewart after all.

This book reads exactly like we're in the brain of someone going through acute grief. It's that feeling of sorrow and nausea, but in the next moment laughing and feeling guilt. It's reaching for your phone to talk to someone, only to realize your first instinct is to call the deceased. Reading through the narrator's experience was cathartic, in a way.

I loved that this book brought culture into the funeral process! Many of the characters were Jewish and it was so interesting to get to learn more about Jewish traditions around death. Other cultures and regions were brought up too like Puerto Rico, Brazil, the American South, and the Middle East to name a few.

One of my favorite parts about this book was the group of side characters christened the "vultures." They were over-the-top, stereotypical, and so terrible that it became funny to me. As awful as they were, I found myself looking forward to more scenes with them.

The ending was super touching and I even straight up put my hand on my heart a few times, it was so good. It's entirely too easy to be comparative when it comes to grieving or to judge how someone mourns because it's different than how we did it.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow WOW! I cannot say enough good things about this book! FIRST though, there are some TW: death, grief, suicide, depression.

This book is stunning from the inside out. It's definitely one I would read when you're ready to have your heart ripped out and then put back together. It'll make you laugh, it'll make you sob, it'll make you want to slap a bitch (seriously, what was WITH Blair!?!?).

I was not prepared for all of these feels. I knew it was going to be a deeper read because, hello, it's in the title, but this one hit so close to home for me. I have a male best friend, and boy does that relationship come with its complexities! Folks tend to not understand how you can actually have a best friend who is of the opposite sex. how you can love that person so deeply but not be romantically interested in them. How you can be so close but never have dated. Nora writes this kind of relationship with so much accuracy and grace I just want to give her a big hug.

The side characters are so infuriating (in a good way) but then this brilliant author managers to humanize even their worst behavior. Yes, even Blair. I still want to slap her, but also, i was left feeling for her at the end. Wren is so relatable as a character - and hilarious - and her growth throughout is brilliant. I loved her to pieces and forever ship her and George!

I could go on, but I leave you with GO READ THIS BOOK! A huge thankyou to Blackstone Publishing and the author for a gifted complete copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.