22 Minutes of Unconditional Love

by Daphne Merkin

A harrowing, compulsively readable novel about breaking free of sexual obsession

"No one found Howard Rose interesting, that is, but me.”

Judith Rose is an ambitious book editor in her late twenties living and working in New York City. Inexperienced with romantic love, she works hard, sees a small group of friends, and visits Dr. Munch, her beloved therapist, on whom she is dependent. Three weeks after her therapist’s death, Judith reluctantly attends a cocktail party. Her life changes the instant she meets Howard Rose, a charismatic and commanding lawyer thirteen years her senior with whom she becomes sexually obsessed.

Swept off her feet, everything she does is now about Howard: He calls her at work, instructs her on what to wear to dinner, and takes control of her body and sexuality with complete ownership. Judith becomes dependent on the push-pull of their sexual entanglement and on Howard’s attention and approval, convinced she’s found the man of her dreams. Until, that is, she understands he’s the man of her nightmares: hostile, reckless, and manipulative, he seems intent on obliterating any sense of self and autonomy that Judith possesses. Escaping Howard’s grasp—and her own perverse enjoyment of being under his control—becomes her mission.

Narrated by a Howard-free Judith years later, Daphne Merkin’s Twenty-Two Minutes of Unconditional Lovecharts the persistent hold our pasts have on us. Stylistically varied and punctuated by provocative ruminations on love, family, sex, gender, and relationships, Twenty-Two Minutes of Unconditional Love is a psychologically voracious descent into sexual obsession, the story of the hazardous extent to which one woman will go to achieve erotic bliss, and of her resolve to reclaim her agency.

Genres: Fiction, Romance, Literary Fiction

256 pages, ebook

First published July 7, 2020

Reviews

[Theresa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really tried but this book was a major downer. It was too repetitive and lacked excitement and emotion. I don't like how the story switches to 3rd person narrative. It was distracting and irritating. It should've stayed in first person narrative. It would made the novel feel more personal and raw. This is basically a contemporary version of "50 Shades of Grey". The sex scenes were laughable and poorly written. Howard was so robotic. I hated every minute of him. I felt like the synopsis was misleading. Judith's fractured relationship with her mother was the only interesting part of the novel. A major disappointment.

Thank you, Netgalley and FSG for the digital ARC.

Release date: July 7, 2020

[Lisa Konet · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had some mixed some feelings about this read. It was ominous, obsessive and heartfelt at times but also mixed with an erotica element. I don't know if the author was trying to get her character into a 50 shades-like relationship but the intent and execution was way different. Judith wants to be loved and has lived a simple life until the death of her therapist and meeting a mysterious stranger at a party named Howard Rose. She is instantly attracted and falls in love with him despite a cruel, domineering and sensual relationship. She doesn't know how to leave. She tells this story at a later time in her life.

This book kind of grabbed me from the premise but I had mixed feelings about the book as a whole. The dialogue wasn't anything to be excited about and was actually kind of boring to me. If you read between the lines and listened to Judith's POV, it was easier to keep your attention, I mentioned 50 shades above because of the type of relationship was in this book, but at least the later had more depth and complication with both characters. Still a worthwhile read but not even close to a favorite.

Thanks to Netgalley, the author and publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Available: 7/7/20

[Sesili · Rating 2 out of 5]

Da sam se ovoliko trudila oko faksa, sad bih predavala XX vek. -.-

Svidela mi se ideja, zato sam je i uzela: mlada junakinja, toksična veza, opsesivnost... Ali toliko je loše napisana, pitam se da li je iko pročitao pre nego što je puštena u promet. Dijalozi su bez ikakve poente, karakterizacija zastala negde na pola, preopširno na mestima gde nema potrebe da bude a onda na drugim mestima u potpunosti nedorečena... Tužna sam mala cvrčkica. :(

[alexandra leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is obsessive compulsive erotica and if there is anything that describes my type of book more, I haven't find out yet.

I felt this so intimately because I too have been/am in a quasi-relationship with a man I'm not sure I particularly like but love with a feverish, almost hateful, vibe. this type of love (if we can call it that) can, and does, make you weak and submissive. It makes you desperate and hopeful all at once. Judith just wants to be loved, to be consumed, to be fixed, and who hasn't felt that?

I also enjoyed the changes in narrative; I found the structure interesting and I liked the little breaks within the novel where the author addressed us in third person and brought us into the story. It was like a little book club — "ok, how do we feel about the chapters we just read? How do you relate to that?" I thought it brought a very new and exciting dimension to the reading experience.

My only complaint is that the character of Howard was boring. Very one-dimensional and seemingly without any positive trait that would elude to Judith's obsession, and thus weakening the very love affair. Thankfully, Judith's character analysis alone was enough to get me through this in one sitting.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to Daphne Merkin and Goodreads for the Giveaway win.

Digression
Interesting reader experience. At times, I felt like you were reaching into my head and quoting my thoughts. Other times, I just couldn’t follow your lead.

Don’t we all have a little Judith in us?

[Nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

1/2 a star. Truly one of the worst books I've read in recent memory. The premise was promising (I am a sucker for books about romantic/sexual obsession), and the prologue was well-written. And then it all went downhill from there. From a shift to the 3rd person that caused the narrative to lose all potency, to the clumsily written present tense to poorly-written sex scenes to chapters where the narrator speaks directly to the reader to create a kind of metatext that is contrived and unearned. The plot is unconvincing, the dialogue stilted, whole chapters add nothing to the story, and there is entirely too much telling. We are told over and over that the sex between them is good, but the sex we are actually shown on the page is terribly written (at one point where the guy she is obsessed with is guiding her through a masturbation session over the phone, she literally segues into Joni Mitchell's "River," completely pulling the reader out of the moment). At one point toward the end it feels as though the author, through the first person narrator, is trying to explain why so much of the erotic prose is bad, but it just feels like the author making excuses for her own bad writing. By the end even the structure feels like a device employed specifically to cover up the flaws in the writing.

A few reviewers compared this to 50 Shades of Grey, but I gotta be honest, I think that might be an insult to 50 Shades.

[Matt Cruz · Rating 1 out of 5]

bad book! stupid writing!!!

[Tess · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm always so intrigued by the concept of obsessive love, as I find it's not something discussed in fiction very often (especially from the female perspective), so I was very excited to try this novel by Daphne Merkin. Unfortunately, it fell very short and I don't think 22 MINUTES OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE will be a memorable read for me at all. The structure was interesting, as it was the narrator Judith recalling her past affair with Howard Rose (the one she is obsessed with) 20 years later, but also speaking directly to the reader and asking us why we picked up this novel, who we are as people, and other direct inquiries to us that I've never come across in a book before.

However, the interesting structure did not make up for the love affair at the center of the story that just falls completely flat. I wanted the character of Howard to be much more interesting and worthy of Judith's obsession. Instead, he is just mean and his only redeeming quality seemingly is that he is good in bed. This allows for a lot of light erotica, but I wanted instead to know more about Judith's emotional journey about being obsessed. There isn't even really a great climax (sorry) at the end. If this is indeed a pseudo-memoir as the character Judith hints, I just think it could have allowed for so much more innovation and depth.

[Judith · Rating 1 out of 5]

22 minutes is enough time to have given this book. Lots of navel-gazing. Enough about me, let's talk about my book now.

[Kirstie Guderski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Honestly plotless - the story went nowhere - and the “digressions” the author puts in to be meta or break the fourth wall are annoying and halt the flow. Sexy, but insane. Made me feel gross reading it.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I absolutely hated the “digression” chapters where the author went on tangents and changed the point of view in the story. They were boring and just annoying. I thought the main character, Judith, was interesting though. What makes someone want obsessive love? What makes you crave that and not want the romance of that love? I was interested in that storyline throughout to see if she answered those questions for me. Ultimately though, this book could have been much better.

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was intrigued by the premise of this book and moved it to the top of the reading pile. What a strangely mixed reading experience.

The pre-prologue and prologue were excellent. That's the story I wanted and never discovered.

The digressions were thought-provoking and added an unusual element to the storytelling, which I liked. They had a lot to say explicitly and between the lines, so to speak.

I was bored by the relationship. It was like watching a movie where the leads have no chemistry. The dialogue wasn't compelling. The descriptions of the relationship weren't compelling. Not even the sex was compelling. The obsession didn't feel obsessive. I just couldn't see it...or feel it.

There's something deeper here about shared experience and about the need to think we're not the only one, but it never fully gels. Judith wonders why she can't find this story out there already, yet she knows that someone reading it sees themselves in it. So many of us are not telling our stories, this story. She's going to tell it for herself and for us.

I went back to the beginning after reading, and Judith sees Howard as a chance for unconditional love. In the context of the story, I can't see how that makes sense.

Quotes
"In this story there is no final scene, no decisive change of heart or firm resolve so much as a furious inner struggle...." (3)

"Then there is this: I am a writer, a believer in the powers of art to share experience so that others might recognize something of themselves in it." (3)

"I still have the piece of paper...ever the writer...duty bound to police experience, to pin it down and handcuff it." (6)

"Then there's my sense that I'm not supposed to be the kind of woman this happens to...." (6)

"...this kind of twisted love—love indistinct from madness—and reeled from its force. The way it threatens to destroy you but also infuse you with something vital, a feeling of completeness, an end to the never-ending struggle of being a person alone on the planet...." (7)

"Obsession makes for good copy, they say. But what kind of life does obsession make for, that's the real question. And even more important: What kind of life do you live after you've given it up?" (7)

"The truth is this: other people are nothing like 'truths.'" (44)

"'How do you do it, Dr. Glickman, go about this business of setting up a life?'" (137)

[Glen Helfand · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's a sticky bad romance in all of us. It's that person that you meet in your youth that emotional tangle between lust and love. The story is old. Neurotic Jewish writers have a particular way with putting these down in words, writing their way through with their chatterbox inner voice. I can relate, I'm one of them. "22 Minutes" goes by quickly, fleeting you might say. It's nice and readable, and a little frustrating. Those all sound like things that go with the subject matter.

There is, however, that emotional cloud from which Merkin is writing, a sex-driven relationship back in the late 20th century. It is a memory piece, the memory of a man who exhibits few signs of being a good match for the narrator, a repressed Judith Stone. In her telling, she's as much of a piece of work as the manipulative man, Howard Rose, with whom she's entangled. She anxious and literal--she works in publishing--when it comes to erotic play. So there is something comic in this, you giggle a little and roll your eyes at her nervous responses to her seducer. The novel grapples with the nature of obsession, of that person who regardless of their lameness, manage to stick in your craw. What's most fun about it is the writer's voice of distance, the chapters labeled 'Digression' with a number (there are five of them), and Judith's remembered navigation of her longing. But you know how creepy her crush is when she writes of the pair taking a bath at his place, and his washing her back with a bar of Dial soap. Dealbreaker.

[Caitlin McGrory · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5
The actual plot parts with action were good, excellent even at times (though rare). However, the constant interruptions for "Discussion" chapters where the narrator takes a j/hokey-talk-to-the-reader tone were cringeworthy. I suffered through them for a while, then decided to skip them because I would rather stare at my wall book-less.
More plot, more character development, more show and less tell. How did the protagonist come upon finding and forming the relationship with the safe man, Richard? How did things tie up with Howard Rose? What were the aftereffects and how long did it take to heal? How did she?
There is so very little action given and so much inane banter directed to the reader that it was often painful but worth it for the jewels.

[Siel Ju · Rating 3 out of 5]

“The truth is this: other people are nothing like ‘truths.’”

A woman meets a man, sleeps with him, gets obsessed with him, debases herself for him — though he makes it clear he’s not interested in her for anything more than sex — and in fact treats her cruelly and callously. The visceral pull of this novel’s obsessive focus drew me in at the beginning though it kind of lost steam for me as the speaker started going into random musings on meta fiction that really didn’t add to the story. I did tire of the woman’s self-abasement after a while, though the question this novel wrestles with is apt — why do we sometimes want so badly the people who treat us badly? Even when you’re the protagonist of the story, this question is often impossible to answer.

[Kristara Araya]

DNF'd this one, as I simply couldn't comprehend the dialogues and phrases used in the beginning of the book, and I didn't bother to continue the rest. Maybe I'll give another shot once I've cleared most of my pending reviews :)

[Chanel Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

22 Minutes of Unconditional Love: Daphne Merkin

Release Date: July 7th, 2020

Addictive, heartfelt and blunt; an ominous dialogue of an erratic and demeaning romance.

Twenty-Two Minutes of Unconditional Love follows Judith: a late twenties, New York City book editor. Inexperienced with love, Judith lives a simple, typical life working, attending the occasional party, and is reliant upon her therapist, Dr. Munch. Shortly after Dr. Munch is introduced, he therein passes away; leaving Judith to fend for herself without the emotional and cognitive guidance of a therapist. Hesitant and disinclined, Judith arrives at a cocktail party knowing no one aside from the host. After greeting the host and an awkward attempt to stay engaged loitering by the food, she is introduced into a circle of nearby attendees. It is at this moment when her life changes to revolve around one man: Howard Rose. Howard is a charismatic, defense lawyer in his forties who demands Judith’s attention. Judith, attracted to the erratic, harsh yet passionate magnetism of Howard Rose, falls deeply in love with him. Instructing her to wear specific outfits out and taking control of her sexually as a submissive, Howard’s dark, crass, and demeaning portrayal of love engages Judith in ways she did not know she needed.

As Judith becomes dependent on his constant succession of mood swings, waiting out the hard, cruel responses with hopes of his sporadic soft gestures, she becomes unintentionally tangled in a romance without a foreseeable way out.

Narrated by a much older, and Howard-free Judith, Twenty-Two Minutes of Unconditional Love documents an inherently unappealing, but addictive love story of a man quick to ripe and of a woman who desperately seeks to break the bonds that tie them together.

I did struggle with the dialogue in the beginning of the book, wasn’t sure where it was leading at times with some of the tangents, but once the story line was cemented with Howard, the book became an effortless and fast-paced read.

Please find the link to my blog post below.

https://ifyoucanreadthisdotblog.wordp...

Respectfully
Chanel Johnson

[Brooke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Daphne Merkin's 22 Minutes of Unconditional Love has received a lot of flack since it was published in July 2020. This trim novel details a young woman's sexual, and quite frankly, abusive, relationship with an older man, who seems only interested in that one thing ... if you're a woman, you know what that one thing is because women everywhere are constantly told to look out for men like Merkin's Howard Rose. Yes, avoid the sex maniacs. While some parts of this novel work, others flat out don't, making it a mixed bag for interested readers.

22 Minutes of Unconditional Love gives off English lit short story vibes of the erotic kind, detailing the life and inner musings of a Jewish book editor in NYC. Judith is relatable on many levels to women in the 20s-30s age range, and I felt like she was describing my inner heart and mind at some points in this novel. On the other hand, her relationship with the aforementioned Howard Rose is completely flat and unbelievable. Howard's character never truly comes to life, and rather comes off as a caricature of the man he is supposed to portray.

There was nothing compelling about the purported connection between Judith and Howard, which was disappointing as this was supposed to be a novel about an obsessive relationship. There were no all-consuming and life-shattering vibes between them, no matter how hard Merkin tried to convince us otherwise. Speaking of which, Merkin breaks the 4th wall repeatedly in the novel, reminding readers that they are, in fact, reading a book. A book that she wrote and wants to give you her opinion on. I found these "digressions" to be an attempt at appearing clever, but in reality, they were just an annoyance and a distraction from the story at hand.

22 Minutes of Unconditional Love is a unique story that has some merit, but it is not for everyone. In fact, most readers will not be able to look past the book's unconventional writing style and infrequent overblown language. If you are feeling adventurous, give this one a try, but if you're on the fence, the safe bet is to just pass.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of you have never been in a relationship that gratifies your basest desires, yet simultaneously destroys your sense of self, and it shows.

More seriously, I mostly liked this book. I read it in a single afternoon, drawn in by the past and present destruction of Daphne Merkin (or Judith Stone) at the hands of Howard Rose. The protagonist grows more pathetic by the chapter, but I do believe each step she takes into darkness. In her 20s, a time of life usually dedicated to finding and defining oneself, she was desperate to do the opposite. As she writes it, Daphne/Judith was ready to drown in anyone to abdicate the responsibility of being independent, alone. It was just a twist of fate that Howard Rose, a man particularly adept at abusing and erasing his women, happened to soak her up.

I enjoyed going along this journey with Daphne/Judith, even as it ends in a type of humiliating honesty that makes you cringe. Perhaps that’s actually what I liked most about this book: the unedited take on sexual obsession and how it destroys your self respect. It is the train wreck you can’t look away from.

Like other reviewers, I took issue with the Digressions. I don’t think they added much in terms of content. My only guess as to why they’re valuable is that they allow Daphne/Judith to assert power and control in a story in which she is powerless and abdicates control. She’s allowed herself to insert breaks, pauses, and thoughts, in a way that she didn’t in the moment. As a device, I’m interested in this idea. When I was reading the book, I was less so.

[Melle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure how this one wound up on my holds list, but I was weirdly intrigued, so I checked it out, and I liked it despite my overall "WTF did I just read?" feeling. Maybe even because of it. It's a weird blend of literary erotica and character psychology, and it might even be an expression of desire and longing and failed possibilities and how we as whole humans and as sexual beings let fear/shame drive us, for good or for ill or for thrill. I'm not sure. The writing is really good, gripping and well-constructed, and I feel like this is a "Fifty Shades" type book for smart, depressed realists, except that I haven't read "Fifty Shades," and there's so much -- so many provocative, haunting layers -- going on in this one that "Fifty" doesn't seem like it would be able to match it in that kind of depth.

Definitely not everyone's cup of coffee. Definitely not for prudish sorts (and this is coming from a pruned prude). I have no idea who I might recommend this to, because it's such a weird and intimate book and (thankfully?) not a lot of people are that weird and intimate with me in my reader advisory capacity. Maybe a good one to mull over. Privately. Not in a book club.

[Riley · Rating 3 out of 5]

22 Minutes of Unconditional Love is a crazy stranger on the street who rips off your clothes and yells, "Hey! Are you hurting? How's your relationship with your father? Oh, is your inner child crying again?" I mean, these are certainly things to think about, but this conversation would be significantly less unsettling in literally any other context. Maybe that's the point? Reflect, get naked, get uncomfortable, reflect again?

The psychoanalytical angle and pointed “digressions” make this a truly unique read. The way Judith thinks about the gynecologist’s office in comparison to the rest of the world is reminiscent of how this novel compares to everything else I have read. She describes how the matter-of-factness and lack of discretion of the office give her a jolt, and her story as a whole has a similar effect on me. I think this is largely because of the intimate details, but also because Judith’s experience serves as a jarring reminder that understanding the root of your pain does not make it go away.

This book made me feel seen, and that made me feel like maybe I should be seeing a therapist (specifically one who is not dying).

[Barry Dank · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and different sort of book. The author has what she calls digressions in which she briefly deals with and thinks about her obsessive love. To get her, I think one should view the story of her obsessive sexual thing for Howard as a digression, its a digression from the routine of her everyday life. And it is a digression from her routine present everyday life as a mother and wife. She makes it clear that she has not digressed completely from her earlier obsessive love, her memory of and yearning for Howard remains.

Who is this Howard? The reader never really knows, except for his sexual manipulations of her. He is in essence a mystery. I guess remove the mystery and obsession dies? There is no attempt to have a gradual transition from obsessive sex to conjugal sex. Of course, in the world created here obsessive sex dies, but the obsession remains, completely fragmented off from the rest of her life.

Final thought book left me with- the obsession lives on, no matter what. For a somewhat different take on the same dynamic, see the movie DAMAGE

[Kaelee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t really know how to feel about this book tbh. I wish I hadn’t scoured the reviews before reading it, because now I’m not sure what to think/how to feel, and I’m almost certainly biased by the poor reviews… so let me do my best for a neutral-as-possible review:
It was weird, a very weird reading experience. I put it down at one point and completely forgot about it for a week, so… make of that what you will. I wasn’t particularly attached to… well, anything really. Not the story and certainly not Judith. The only thing I was maybe attached to was seeing just how horrible Howard could treat her and she’d still keep coming back (which arguably plays right into things and makes me just like Judith). Also I totally skipped the digression chapters because for the life of me I couldn’t get through two sentences without my mind wandering.

So… yeah. I’m giving 3 stars as a ‘neutral’ rating. I didn’t hate it?? But I definitely didn’t love it … so 3 stars it is.

[Shelbie Lynn · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was excited about this book based on the synopsis, but I was so disappointed...

There are several chapters that could be cut and it wouldn't change anything about the story. At times the book has too realistic of dialogue, and what I mean by that is its boring. For example, I don't need to hear two characters back and forth discuss whether 45 minutes is enough time to get ready for an event.
The book is short and supposed to be about a toxic relationship, but we do not see enough of that relationship. Instead we are mostly told that the relationship is toxic. Show, not tell.

Lastly I seriously hated the digressions :( They were so cringey and uncomfortable, and really took me out of the story.

[Katrina B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

For a book that markets itself as a “harrowing tale of sexual obsession”, it was not very sexy nor attention-grabbing enough to obsess me. It would be one thing if Howard Rose was despicable but unnervingly attractive or arousing, but mostly he is despicable and boringly misogynist in a way that any self respecting person who has seen at least 3 “girl run 🚩” tiktoks would turn down in an instant. Look I get that this is set in the 90s (they call each other on landlines; they have answering machines) but not even the worldly author-asides mechanism repeating every other chapter (so popular in pop lit of that time) could make this book likeable.

[Kathleen Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

I honestly don't know how to describe this. Judith, now married and pregnant, writes a novel about a character named Judith's affair with Howard, an older man. The character and Howard have a lot of sex but are not happy partners. There's also a sort of digressive break-the-wall sort of thing going on. I wasn't a fan of either Judith and Howard, well Howard is not so great either. That said, I suspect Merkin fans might enjoy this more than I did. Thanks to the publisher for the ARC. For fans of literary fiction.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Judith is a successful book editor who doesn't love herself enough, so she gets involved in an unpleasant affair with a lawyer called Howard who wants to own and possess her. Judith is looking back on the affair from the viewpoint of being married with a child. The descriptions of the affair, ( I can't call it a romance ), explore Judith's desires, and how she likes to be treated in a certain way. I couldn't help wondering if Judith felt stifled by being in a conventional relationship. It was more of an interesting read than an enjoyable one.

[Dori · Rating 1 out of 5]

to say the heroine of 22MoUL is a "thinly veiled" version of its author would be a mischaracterization, since there's really no veil. but I can't remember the last time I disliked one so much. Merkin's musings on womanhood are shockingly and unselfconsciously reductive, her faux-psychoanalytic tone trying way too hard and falling way too short. top if off with a touch of casual homophobia and Western chauvinism and you've got...this, I guess

[James B · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting story about a woman who looks back on a sexual affair from years ago that drove her to do things she had never done before. While I did like this, it’s filled with a number of asides between some chapters that stop the story completely. Ultimately, I do feel like this is a great short story that has been stretched into a short novel.

[Lydia S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novel (and fairly quick read) surprises with its use of psychological and literary elements, drawing me in as a reader to reflect on my own past and how it shapes present and future. Daphne Merkin is such a talented writer and I will need to go back and read her other works, both fiction and non fiction.