Mono in a Poly World: What to Do When Your Partner Is Polyamorous and You Aren't

by Tazmyn Ozga

What do you do when your partner is polyamorous and you aren’t?

This is the question author Tazmyn Ozga began to ask herself in 2015 when, after 25 years of a monogamous marriage, her husband declared his need to be polyamorous and free to have multiple relationships. Their decision to stay together and try to make it work began her journey of learning about polyamory through reading and research, and life experiences and lessons.

Mono in a Poly World is a guidebook and resource for those navigating the path of monogamous-polyamorous relationships.
This book covers the basics of polyamory as well as the issues that make mono-poly relationships unique and challenging. Additionally, best practices and worst practices in consensual non-monogamy are explored, providing a roadmap for healthy relationships with compromises that can meet the needs of both partners.

Whether your long-term monogamous relationship is transforming into a mono-poly one, or you are entering into a new relationship, this book can serve as a useful guide. While Mono in a Poly World is written from a monogamous perspective, a polyamorous partner can also read and learn how to better navigate this special dynamic. The goal is mutual: loving partners happy together, despite their differences.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Polyamory, Queer

72 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 28, 2021

Reviews

[Darwin Stevens · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a polyamorous person who's engaged to a monogamous person and dating another monogamous person. How some reviewers saw this as unbiased is beyond me. I was going into this book in hopes of understanding the monogamous POV, and honestly... it didn't really help at all. I'm still lost. Before I even said anything, my fiance pointed out that it seemed the author (monogamous) was trying to speak for poly people while also making surface-levelled jabs at the community. This was also supported by a reviewer on here stating that poly people were drinking the "koolaid to the exclusion of other ways of thinking". When in reality that's not the majority. Rather a handful of us just don't understand the monogamous mindset, that's not inherently a flaw or bad thing. I read this book so I could understand, and even my monogamous fiance didn't believe it did mono people justice (at least to him).

The author claimed that poly media was made only by poly people for poly people. Not keeping in mind that a large portion of poly people once started out as monogamous. The intentions were there, but the execution was poor. My fiance has stated that the same and more useful information (better executed) can be found in other books.

In short, it seems the author had other underlying issues in her marriage that weren't addressed before trying this very complex dynamic. Another example mono relationship thinking that ENM is a solution to their problems, in my opinion.

At the time of writing this review, my boyfriend hasn't finished reading the book hence why his opinion isn't in this review yet.

[Francesca de Matteis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great introductory book on the subject of mono_poly relationship dynamics.

Great intro to the world of polyamide from a mono perspective. I wish it addressed also the scenario of a single mono person meeting a poly amorous person. Nonetheless it is a short and informative read. Thank you for your courage and determination to shed light on the subject.

[Samu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tiivis paketti ja varmasti hyvä resurssi, jos tämä on mono-osapuolen ensimmäinen kosketus polyamoriaan. Jäin kaipaamaan jotain syvempää analyysiä, mutta eipä sitä 55 sivuun paljon saa mahdutettua. Ehkä myös hankin kirjan väärillä kuvitelmilla -luulin, että tämä on elämäkerta. Elämäkerta aiheesta kiinnostelisi, jos jollain on vinkata jotain.

[Korpuskat · Rating 3 out of 5]

While it is mostly a very basic overview, the book did introduce me to language to help explain my own jealousy through Kathy Labriola's "Are You in Poly Hell?" article. It didn't end up helping me very much, but it did make me feel very seen and understood and helped me communicate what I needed, because as Ozga states early on, most poly resources are for people who are themselves poly and the more monogamous partner will have different needs than the more polyamorous partner.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book addresses a very important topic in the polyamorous community: that of mono-poly relationships, from the perspective of the mono partner. However, I did find it to have very basic information and didn’t gain much from it that I haven’t heard in other places. I’m glad that it is out there as a resource, but wish it had more research and depth to it.

[Alexandra R. Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unbiased

The author does a great job taking an unbiased view of both monogamy and polyamory. She encourages the mono person to find their own truth. We need more resources for the mono people in mono-poly pairings.

[Carol]

It's not really a clinical book -- but more of a self help -- written from the perspective of a monogamous person in a relationship with her husband/father of her kids -- whotransitioned to being poly after decades of marriage.

She writes about how she explored navvigating this new space and determining if this relationship could sustain for her

Useful to read for therapy clients who are struggling with their capacity or ability to adjust to a poly relationship and makng decisions about how to move forward.

[Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish this book had been better. I wish it had been written by an expert, or even alongside a therapist. I wish there were more resources like this! There was some helpful stuff in here, but based on the way the author talked I was not at all surprised to find out in the end that
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she and her husband ultimately got divorced. that was pretty clear from the way she talked and felt.

[Jennifer Cassels · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much needed perspective!!

I preordered this book when the author announced that it was available. It provides the perspective of one who went from a long established mono relationship to a polyamorous one and what that looked like. Provides more guidance than other polyamorous books do regarding the non-poly member of the relationship.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author bravely shares lessons learned during a difficult time in her life. Her first-person narrative and thoughtful and practical advice will no-doubt help others who find themselves in a similar situation.

[Leeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brief synopsis

A brief synopsis with a few good ideas. A good place to start for anyone in a mono/poly relationship. A short read, feels like there should be more, development would have achieved five stars.

[Sylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good starting view for mono-poly relationship, and the first good mononagamous view of polyamory I've read

[Stephanie Ingersoll · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good advice, but given the ending, the advice may or may not work.

[Briana Norton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Resource

Beautifully well written, great advice and resource. Truly sad that her and her husband decided to end the marriage but happy that she is able to find her peace and happiness

[Shell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book that provides info about the dynamic between Mono-Poly relationships. It give pretty good recommendations for how to navigate this most difficult of dynamics in poly relationships.