Jas is eighteen, retaking his A-levels at the local college and hanging out as a member of Hardjit's crew, throwing off his nerdy ways to be a part of the desi (Indian, Pakistani) scene in London's desi suburb of Hounslow. Hardjit, Ravi, Amit and Jas have a racket going: they take in mobile phones and unblock them. Sometimes it's a service for family or friends who swap their phones with each other, but mostly it's so stolen mobiles can be resold.
A close call with the police after Hardjit, a Sikh, beats up Tariq, a Muslim, for going out with Sikh girls, puts the gang at the mercy of Mr Ashwood, one of their teachers from high school. Ashwood puts them in touch with a desi come good: Sanjay, with his Cambridge education, his high-flying ways and his fancy suits. But Sanjay isn't the golden boy Mr Ashwood think he is, and he isn't about to put the boys on the straight-and-narrow: no, he has better plans for them. And if he can help Jas hook up with Samira, a desi he's "not allowed" to like because she's Muslim, Jas is all for it.
I knew I'd have trouble giving this book a rating, but I had even more trouble trying to describe the plot. Which is funny, because the plot is actually very simple and straight-forward. And I'm still not sure how much I liked it.
Written not just from Jas' point of view but in his voice as well, phonetics and all, Londonstani is not a fast read. It took me two weeks of subway rides to get through it. I need to give you a taste of how it reads, how Jas sounds, so I'll pick a random quote (but not too random, because I don't want to scare you off):
Just look at Samira Ahmed. She was the reason guys round Hounslow'd bothered learnin how to spell the word Beautiful stead a just writin the word Fit inside their Valentine cards. She was beautiful like them models in make-up ads, the ones where they're so fit they don't even look like they're wearin any make-up. Unlike any a the other desi girls that'd got off the bus before her, Samira Ahmed weren't even wearin no jewellery either. That's how fit she was. I in't lyin. She made you realise how some desi princesses were lookin more an more like clowns dressed up like Christmas trees with all their bling-bling Tiffany tinsel an Mac masks. (p48)
It was really hard to type that and leave off the "g"s and all! Jas' narrative isn't so hard to read, although some more paragraph breaks would have helped, but when Amit or Ravi or, even worse, Hardjit, speaks it's even less flowing:
Amit, I don't give a fuck whether his fone's on silent or stuck up his butt n set 2 vibrate, Davinder told me 2 call him when we left da school n we b leavin da fuckin school, innit. So c'mon, u bunch a chiefs. One a u's gotta be havin his numba. (p15)
That was a mild one. When he mixes in Punjabi or whatever it gets harder. With all the swearing in this book it's hard to put it down and talk to someone without saying "fuck" all the time, or being really aggressive. It gets under your skin.
And that's the thing about this novel: it's bloody clever. The writing skill is definitely worth admiring, though it's a strain for 340 pages. I felt I owed it to Jas, though. All the characters, the entire story, felt very real. There's a great deal of tension, the threat of violence - and more, the act of violence - on every page. And Jas isn't the strongest of individuals: always insecure, trying to fit in, trying to be tough like the others but failing. He can't quite give up his "coconut" ways (black on the outside, white on the inside - a derogatory word for desi's who act "white") or his knowledge from his geeky days when he was Mr Ashwood's best student. Anyone who's ever felt even remotely left out and a bit of a loser (I think most of us have felt like that on our worst days, if only once), can relate to Jas.
Here's where I think this novel really succeeds: its in-your-face honesty, hypocrisy, racism, classism - it's impossible to duck, and it's almost ironic, how alike we all are even while we're thinking we're better. Change their skin colour, their culture, their language, and the sentiments are the same. Hardjit could have been a white thug, or a white yuppy, and he could still have been equally prejudiced and intolerant. The more you focus on all these markers between the races, the more ridiculous it all seems.
Another side-plot to the story is Amit's older brother Arun's wedding to Reena, a surgeon. Arun talks to Jas about all his "complicated family-related shit", about how Arun's mum thinks the Girl's Side aren't respecting her, complaining about the dowry because Reena's moving from her dad's balance sheet to Arun's - no matter how many times Arun points out that Reena earns more than him - all the things that Reena's family is doing wrong in observing the traditions - and Jas's Morpheus speech only makes things worse.
The more Arun defends his mum's ways, the more I realise that the woman's some fucked-up Nazi. All this talk bout sides. All this puttin people down cos they don't salute you, cos they're lower than you, cos you're too fuckin retarded to question the system. ... I don't chat bout Nazis, though, cos that'd sound a bit boffany. Stead a using Nazis, suddenly I'm fuckin Morpheus from The Matrix, tellin Arun to free his mind, fight the system, save mankind. After all, in the film, Neo compares Agent Smith to a member a the Gestapo. So I tell Arun to wake up, smell the masala tea, I say he's accepting a world that imprisons him. I argue that maybe we're meant to challenge traditions, defeat the system that allows our elders to exploit us. (p236)
It doesn't end well, but it's a no-apologies critique of the traditions that bind cultures and drive individuals to the worst extremes. That sounds a bit dramatic but it is applicable to every single culture and way of life. As I read this book, I didn't feel like a smug white person for one second. It's not about laughing at these people and their "gangsta" ways and the silly rules and traditions of Indians that make no sense in this day and age - because we're all just as bad; if anything, it made me feel sad and regretful.
There is a twist in this book at the end, which obviously I can't tell you about, but it is profound and I wish I could discuss what it made me think about. I'd be surprised if you didn't have the same thoughts though! I had hoped that after all this I would know better how to rate this book, but I don't. On the one hand, it was an unpleasant, miserable book that I struggled to get through. On the other, it's compelling, profound, and written by a true craftsman. But did I like it? I think I have my answer after all.