The Shadow I Remember: The Father I Forgot

by C. Ruthe

What would you do if you found out there was a horrible, shameful secret within your own family? Cyndi thought she had it tough by trying to get her emotionally distant father to pay any attention to her, while at the same time attempting to fend off an overanxious and domineering mother—a rather frustrating and difficult struggle, indeed. But what Cyndi learned about her father years after his death completely shook her to the core.
It’s been said that chaos brings people closer together. The Shadow I Remember presents a brutal tale of emotional distance, sexual and psychological abuse, and mental instability within a family that merely wanted to live a simple life, but unexpectedly ended up imploding.

216 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 15, 2021

About the author

C. (Cynthia) Ruthe hails from Chicago, Illinois.
A former poet, Cynthia’s work had enjoyed a moderate level of success in various underground online and print magazines, until she finally burned out in late 2011.
She has now favorably taken to creative nonfiction, a genre she feels allows her much greater scope and freedom in which to accurately convey personal struggles and complex emotions, a feat she has considerably accomplished in her first book, “The Shadow I Remember.”
Cynthia views her passion for writing as the best way to deeply connect with other people; inviting them into her world and welcoming them with a warm and friendly handshake. She lives in Sacramento, California, with her husband and two fur-babies, and is currently working on her next book.

Reviews

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoir

I enjoyed this easy to read through memoir. To memoirs are a way to see into someone’s household and family dynamic and realize we are all pretty much the same. It may look like a prettier bushel of apples but theres always the bruised ones. Bruised maybe but no broken. Thanks for sharing with us Cyndi

[Nemetra X1369 · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Why parents can’t be just parents – why do they have to be people?’ – is my favourite phrase from Friends. So it best suits to describe this book. ‘The shadow I remember’ is a story of a lost soul desperately trying to understand her distant father. And as always in life, there is a dramatic story to be told. Painful to read – relatable for many. It is a story of getting one step closer to understanding your parents and hopefully forgiving them. It is read like a therapy session, where feelings and emotions pour out of the author trying to reach peace of mind, and the reader is the unexpected witness of the transformation.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A story of trauma and mental illness in the author's life.

The majority of this book is tales from the author's youth as she struggles to deal with an overwhelming mom and an absent father. It was tough to read as the dad was remembered harshly with what was an obvious mental illness. I didn't particularly like any of the "characters" and ultimately found the book to make the big reveal and then just end. Ultimately unsatisfying.