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重設你的人際邊界：人不跨過心理邊界就無法互動，會孤單， 但邊界重疊又會受傷害，該怎麼拿捏？
「交往的時候我們好契合，住一起以後，他生活態度就變了。」
「我找了好久、挑了半天的禮物，她的反應卻是：你幹了虧心事？哪來的錢？」
「不管我怎麼做，我爸的評語都是我哪裡還沒做好。」
「跟他說這麼做後果會很慘，他就是要這麼做，還怪我潑冷水。」
「朋友跟我借錢，我去他家後卻發現他日子過得比我好。」
家人、朋友或孩子曾讓你這麼感覺嗎？
如果是，這表示：你，越界了，越過了人際的邊界，
因而把情緒的控制權交給了別人。
這就是你負面情緒：壓力、憤怒、焦慮甚至憂鬱的來源。
本書作者喬治．戴特是美國心理學家、青少年心理諮商師，
他說，人際邊界，就是彼此之間的心理距離：
人如果不跨過邊界就無法互動，但邊界太近或重疊，
就會產生不愉快的感受、壓力、甚至造成傷害。
那麼，這條看不見的人際邊界，到底該怎麼拿捏？
◎人際邊界——「我」的心理範圍有多大？
我付出這麼多，為什麼你從沒滿意過？
我費盡了心思，為什麼對方的反應常常讓我失望？
你會這樣想很正常，因為，大腦喜歡預測結果，
但這就是一種越界，因此產生壓力。怎樣做才能不讓這些壓力困住自己？
◎有六種情況，你不知不覺中侵犯了別人的邊界：
‧意見相同不一定是朋友，看法不同也不代表是敵人。別用一個概念斷定一個人。
‧你總想把朋友捏成你心中想要的模樣？但是不聽你的，不等於背叛你。
‧施捨他，不代表他該照你說的做，不管你給的是建議，還是物品，都一樣。
另外三種常見的越界行為是？
◎因為別人越界而受傷，我如何痊癒？
．不說「我應該……」，要說「我想要……」。
「我應該戒菸……」、「我應該減肥」、「我應該再努力一些」。
「應該」，是世上最讓人感到良心不安的兩個字，怎麼改變？
．內疚時，我怎麼走出來？
有人老是重提你過去犯的錯，怎麼辦？
很簡單，告訴自己，以前認為最好的決定，現在不適合了。
這不是犯錯，這是人生。
◎邊界理論與戀愛、親子和朋友關係：
伴侶在一起之後態度就變了，為什麼？
遇到語言冒犯霸凌，你得封鎖邊界。
朋友讓你失望？其實是你越界了。
父母總希望孩子獨立，卻又屢屢侵入邊界？
作者還會分享，像他這樣一個心理學家，
怎麼透過身體的呼吸，好好釋放情緒，
替自己重設人際邊界。
「我找了好久、挑了半天的禮物，她的反應卻是：你幹了虧心事？哪來的錢？」
「不管我怎麼做，我爸的評語都是我哪裡還沒做好。」
「跟他說這麼做後果會很慘，他就是要這麼做，還怪我潑冷水。」
「朋友跟我借錢，我去他家後卻發現他日子過得比我好。」
家人、朋友或孩子曾讓你這麼感覺嗎？
如果是，這表示：你，越界了，越過了人際的邊界，
因而把情緒的控制權交給了別人。
這就是你負面情緒：壓力、憤怒、焦慮甚至憂鬱的來源。
本書作者喬治．戴特是美國心理學家、青少年心理諮商師，
他說，人際邊界，就是彼此之間的心理距離：
人如果不跨過邊界就無法互動，但邊界太近或重疊，
就會產生不愉快的感受、壓力、甚至造成傷害。
那麼，這條看不見的人際邊界，到底該怎麼拿捏？
◎人際邊界——「我」的心理範圍有多大？
我付出這麼多，為什麼你從沒滿意過？
我費盡了心思，為什麼對方的反應常常讓我失望？
你會這樣想很正常，因為，大腦喜歡預測結果，
但這就是一種越界，因此產生壓力。怎樣做才能不讓這些壓力困住自己？
◎有六種情況，你不知不覺中侵犯了別人的邊界：
‧意見相同不一定是朋友，看法不同也不代表是敵人。別用一個概念斷定一個人。
‧你總想把朋友捏成你心中想要的模樣？但是不聽你的，不等於背叛你。
‧施捨他，不代表他該照你說的做，不管你給的是建議，還是物品，都一樣。
另外三種常見的越界行為是？
◎因為別人越界而受傷，我如何痊癒？
．不說「我應該……」，要說「我想要……」。
「我應該戒菸……」、「我應該減肥」、「我應該再努力一些」。
「應該」，是世上最讓人感到良心不安的兩個字，怎麼改變？
．內疚時，我怎麼走出來？
有人老是重提你過去犯的錯，怎麼辦？
很簡單，告訴自己，以前認為最好的決定，現在不適合了。
這不是犯錯，這是人生。
◎邊界理論與戀愛、親子和朋友關係：
伴侶在一起之後態度就變了，為什麼？
遇到語言冒犯霸凌，你得封鎖邊界。
朋友讓你失望？其實是你越界了。
父母總希望孩子獨立，卻又屢屢侵入邊界？
作者還會分享，像他這樣一個心理學家，
怎麼透過身體的呼吸，好好釋放情緒，
替自己重設人際邊界。
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2016
9 people are currently reading
30 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
April 22, 2019
An eye and mind opening argument for personal boundaries.
December 23, 2016
http://psychcentral.com/lib/book-revi...
After meeting with a life coach for the first time, I felt inflated with a boost of energy, self-love, and purpose. Now with a full tank, I had all the strength and focus to apply what the coach told me to my current situations and relationships. It felt a bit comical that I gave him one hour of my time in exchange for his insights, and I came away with a workable strategy for the biggest things going on in my life. I was incredibly satisfied with not only the visit, but the results that followed. What struck me most was that the concepts he shared with me were all very applicable in multiple situations, including relationships and career.
Reading George Dieter’s I Power: The Freedom to be Me had the same effect on me. As a clinical psychologist with dual masters degrees in the psychology of coaching and psychology, as well as a law degree, Dieter delivers a refreshing monograph on the core concepts of psychology — including self, boundaries, relationships, stress, and conflict — in a form that reads more as a series of life coaching appointments than as a traditional psychology text. With a simple and accessible tone and style of delivery, I Power is an easy-to-read manual on having quality relationships, living with what the author calls a “boundary focus,” taking responsibility for your own life and happiness, and gaining the empowerment that comes from all of the above.
I picked up this book not long after delving into the world of life-coaching, as well as after reviewing the core concepts of boundaries and how to maintain them. From that perspective, I Power stands up remarkably well to the other books I’ve read on the subject, despite its low-profile approach. Whereas most books on this topic reflect the heavy-handed academic training that endowed the writer with their knowledge, this particular work takes that same knowledge and packages it in such a way that any reader, regardless of experience, education, or background, can comprehend it and use it.
While I’ve read other texts that focus specifically on boundaries, I found this to be immediately applicable — and I could see results.
Dieter introduces the concept of boundary focus through the basic principles of boundaries themselves: stress, fear as the ultimate driving force, emotions, and the connection between emotions, stress, and boundaries. His goal in doing so is to acquaint the reader with each ingredient in the recipe before explaining how the chemistry of the ingredients causes particular reactions and flavors.
Indeed, once he establishes these foundational concepts, Dieter connects the dots. He asserts that boundaries are the core of being yourself because they empower you to live within healthy limits and to in turn maintain relationships within healthy limits. By taking responsibility for yourself, your own limits, and, in turn, your own life, Dieter posits that you can be empowered to live a life that is fulfilled, satisfied, and happy.
Fear, Dieter writes, drives us in multiple directions away from a happy, healthy state. We feel the stress of unpredictability and the real or perceived lack of control, and the positive and negative swings of emotion. By understanding the connections between these factors and learning to manage them in a positive and healthy way, we are able to live with a boundary focus, as Dieter puts it, which gives us a general direction to go in.
Boundaries define who you are by creating lines of demarcation around the various pieces of your life. By living with a focus on these boundaries, Dieter writes, you are empowered to be a healthy you.
One particularly noticeable thing about this book is the first-person approach Dieter uses. By asking “So what do I mean by boundaries?” instead of defining the term in a third-person, academic voice, Dieter made me feel comfortable. His tone is more dialogue than dissertation.
The only thing I found myself wanting were more firsthand accounts or stories to show the concepts in action, but I wouldn’t consider this to be a detracting point. I can certainly say that I will be sharing and recommending this book, as well as reading it again.
After meeting with a life coach for the first time, I felt inflated with a boost of energy, self-love, and purpose. Now with a full tank, I had all the strength and focus to apply what the coach told me to my current situations and relationships. It felt a bit comical that I gave him one hour of my time in exchange for his insights, and I came away with a workable strategy for the biggest things going on in my life. I was incredibly satisfied with not only the visit, but the results that followed. What struck me most was that the concepts he shared with me were all very applicable in multiple situations, including relationships and career.
Reading George Dieter’s I Power: The Freedom to be Me had the same effect on me. As a clinical psychologist with dual masters degrees in the psychology of coaching and psychology, as well as a law degree, Dieter delivers a refreshing monograph on the core concepts of psychology — including self, boundaries, relationships, stress, and conflict — in a form that reads more as a series of life coaching appointments than as a traditional psychology text. With a simple and accessible tone and style of delivery, I Power is an easy-to-read manual on having quality relationships, living with what the author calls a “boundary focus,” taking responsibility for your own life and happiness, and gaining the empowerment that comes from all of the above.
I picked up this book not long after delving into the world of life-coaching, as well as after reviewing the core concepts of boundaries and how to maintain them. From that perspective, I Power stands up remarkably well to the other books I’ve read on the subject, despite its low-profile approach. Whereas most books on this topic reflect the heavy-handed academic training that endowed the writer with their knowledge, this particular work takes that same knowledge and packages it in such a way that any reader, regardless of experience, education, or background, can comprehend it and use it.
While I’ve read other texts that focus specifically on boundaries, I found this to be immediately applicable — and I could see results.
Dieter introduces the concept of boundary focus through the basic principles of boundaries themselves: stress, fear as the ultimate driving force, emotions, and the connection between emotions, stress, and boundaries. His goal in doing so is to acquaint the reader with each ingredient in the recipe before explaining how the chemistry of the ingredients causes particular reactions and flavors.
Indeed, once he establishes these foundational concepts, Dieter connects the dots. He asserts that boundaries are the core of being yourself because they empower you to live within healthy limits and to in turn maintain relationships within healthy limits. By taking responsibility for yourself, your own limits, and, in turn, your own life, Dieter posits that you can be empowered to live a life that is fulfilled, satisfied, and happy.
Fear, Dieter writes, drives us in multiple directions away from a happy, healthy state. We feel the stress of unpredictability and the real or perceived lack of control, and the positive and negative swings of emotion. By understanding the connections between these factors and learning to manage them in a positive and healthy way, we are able to live with a boundary focus, as Dieter puts it, which gives us a general direction to go in.
Boundaries define who you are by creating lines of demarcation around the various pieces of your life. By living with a focus on these boundaries, Dieter writes, you are empowered to be a healthy you.
One particularly noticeable thing about this book is the first-person approach Dieter uses. By asking “So what do I mean by boundaries?” instead of defining the term in a third-person, academic voice, Dieter made me feel comfortable. His tone is more dialogue than dissertation.
The only thing I found myself wanting were more firsthand accounts or stories to show the concepts in action, but I wouldn’t consider this to be a detracting point. I can certainly say that I will be sharing and recommending this book, as well as reading it again.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews