Sometimes I live in the country.
I thought that I was going to be in for a treat, but I found that I disliked this book. Some say that this book represented his downfall, but I don’t know why since he lived another 7 years and got married two more times. Was this his last book? He was drinking too much, and then for a week, the last chapter of this book, he was drinking and not eating. His depression was deep and his mind, rambling, and it actually gave me a headache. But I was finished with the book by then, so took an aspirin and went to bed.
Early on, when listening to his talk about Buddhism and his depression in which the grass was said to be “sad Grass,” and his temporary girlfriend’s hair, “sad blonde hair,’ I thought that he should go into a Buddhist monastery, and when at the end of this book, his girlfriend said, “Jack, let’s go into a monastery,” thinking it was a solution, I laughed. It was the only time I laughed in the entire book, but it wasn’t meant to be funny anyway.
I started out enjoying the book, after all he was going to stay alone in a cabin for 3 weeks at Big Sur. What could be more lovely? Well, the Smokies in the fall could be. His descriptions of the land and nature on his walk to the cabin were wonderful which made me think, he can really write when he isn’t writing that crazy beat poetry of his that I hate. I even hate the beat of it when it is read.
Well, he gets to the cabin and begins feeding the birds and a little mouse, even Alf, the mule that he sometimes says is a burro, but he knows he is just a mule. He walks across or under the highway to see the farmhouses, walks along the beach, and even saves the bugs from drowning in a river. He doesn’t seem to be drinking much either, or I am too caught up in nature to notice. But then, he gets bored, opens the rat poison container that he had closed when arriving and leaves for San Francisco where he gets with his friends and gets drunk. Stayes drunk. Then they all head back to Big Sur, and now Big Sur looks more dangerous than before. It always has been with its winding narrow highway that makes you realize if you look at the ocean too long while driving, you could become one with it, driving right off the highway, tumbling down a cliff.
I didn’t read “On the Road” when I was in Berkeley, but I had heard of it and knew that all the kids that came into town with backpacks were hitchhiking across America. I was jealous. Then I took a creative writing course, and the professor introduced us to Allen Ginsberg’s poem, “Howl” and another about a supermarket. Both were good, “How” was excellent. His others, that I tried to read later, did not make any sense. I just didn’t get it. Years later in the late 1980s I began reading beat literature, if you want to call it that. First, I read Allen Ginsberg’s biography, some poems, then “On the Road,” and “Junky.” I stopped reading them all but had always said that I would read more of Kerouac, so this book and maybe “The Subterranean.” I should have read them while in Berkeley because I was much less judgmental of people’s lifestyles, for while nott being a Christian then, my later Buddhist training taught me to not harm others, and that is where I am now in life, although no longer a Buddhist, no longer believing in karma, knowing that this teaching harms, I still hold on to the other.
I, at least, thought that there would be interesting conversations in this book, but much of it was about his own feelings, his depression, and how everything looked bad or sad. I suppose this is the fault of years of drinking, which is really sad, to use his own word. He certainly was no longer the Kerouac that loved life.