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So Much for Love: How I Survived a Toxic Relationship
Part memoir, part self-help book, So Much Bad For Love guides readers with honesty and humor through how to spot, cope with, and ultimately survive a romantic relationship with a malignant narcissist.
Sophie had always been cynical about love—until she meets Marcus. His affection and doting praise melt away her defenses. The beginning of their relationship was a whirlwind romance, but over time she finds herself on uneven footing. Marcus lies. He's violently angry and bewilderingly inconsistent. Yet somehow he always manages to explain away his behavior and to convince Sophie that it's all in her head. Sophie comes to realize that she's become trapped in a cycle of abuse with someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Once she gets out of the relationship, Sophie documents the experience in this bracing, hilarious, and empathetic graphic novel that's full of advice to readers who may be in similar straits.
Sophie had always been cynical about love—until she meets Marcus. His affection and doting praise melt away her defenses. The beginning of their relationship was a whirlwind romance, but over time she finds herself on uneven footing. Marcus lies. He's violently angry and bewilderingly inconsistent. Yet somehow he always manages to explain away his behavior and to convince Sophie that it's all in her head. Sophie comes to realize that she's become trapped in a cycle of abuse with someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Once she gets out of the relationship, Sophie documents the experience in this bracing, hilarious, and empathetic graphic novel that's full of advice to readers who may be in similar straits.
290 pages, Hardcover
First published September 25, 2019
36 people are currently reading
2041 people want to read
About the author
Sophie Lambda
20 books43 followersSophie Lambda est une illustratrice française, blogueuse et autrice de bande dessinée née en 1986 à Besançon.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 558 reviews
October 24, 2022
***NO SPOILERS***
Don't be fooled by the lovey-dovey cover illustration and oh-well title: So Much for Love is a sequential-art memoir about the author's abusive relationship, and it's intense. In these three-hundred pages, author Sophie Lambda shows the development of her relationship with "Marcus," starting from when they first met to when she finally escaped--and "escaped" is the right word. Marcus had a vise grip on Lambda and constantly used emotional manipulation to make her question her perceptions, to shift blame, and to guilt-trip her.
About half of this book is memoir and the other half resource. Lambda educates her readers by explaining that Marcus fits the profile of what she calls a "manipulator." I think it's obvious he has narcissistic personality disorder, but she explains that she chose "manipulator" as an umbrella term to cover (as she calls them) "psychic vampires," "perverse narcissists," and "sociopaths." That sounds right. A list entitled "30 Criteria to Identify a Manipulator" covers two pages. Lambda then goes on to detail the script that manipulators follow, and she broke that down into three parts: "idealization," characterized by love-bombing (which very much earns its name); "devaluation"; and "rejection."
Lambda is a talented illustrator and storyteller who shares everything with a likable candor. She shows the ugliness of her lowest lows and opens up about her sensitivity and insecurities. Importantly, she expresses with heartbreaking honesty that leaving her toxic relationship wasn't an instant cure; she wasn't able to simply revert to feeling the joy she had prior to meeting this man:
The book is an outstanding portrait of narcissistic toxicity, but it’s revelatory when it comes to showing how difficult leaving is, on many levels. Those outside of (and therefore at a safe distance from) an abusive relationship are frequently confounded when the victim doesn’t "just leave" immediately. So Much for Love is directed most obviously at abuse victims, to empathize with and help them, but it has lessons for others too.
At the end Lambda included a list of resources for victims of abuse in the United States and Canada. Secrets thrive in darkness. Her honest portrayal here will be invaluable to many.
Don't be fooled by the lovey-dovey cover illustration and oh-well title: So Much for Love is a sequential-art memoir about the author's abusive relationship, and it's intense. In these three-hundred pages, author Sophie Lambda shows the development of her relationship with "Marcus," starting from when they first met to when she finally escaped--and "escaped" is the right word. Marcus had a vise grip on Lambda and constantly used emotional manipulation to make her question her perceptions, to shift blame, and to guilt-trip her.
About half of this book is memoir and the other half resource. Lambda educates her readers by explaining that Marcus fits the profile of what she calls a "manipulator." I think it's obvious he has narcissistic personality disorder, but she explains that she chose "manipulator" as an umbrella term to cover (as she calls them) "psychic vampires," "perverse narcissists," and "sociopaths." That sounds right. A list entitled "30 Criteria to Identify a Manipulator" covers two pages. Lambda then goes on to detail the script that manipulators follow, and she broke that down into three parts: "idealization," characterized by love-bombing (which very much earns its name); "devaluation"; and "rejection."
Lambda is a talented illustrator and storyteller who shares everything with a likable candor. She shows the ugliness of her lowest lows and opens up about her sensitivity and insecurities. Importantly, she expresses with heartbreaking honesty that leaving her toxic relationship wasn't an instant cure; she wasn't able to simply revert to feeling the joy she had prior to meeting this man:
I remain convinced that Marcus took a part of me with him down into the abyss of his imaginary world. I'm not the same person since Marcus. I lost some innocence. I lost some faith in humanity. I lost my trust in others, which used to come so naturally to me... Marcus killed my inner child. Today, my biggest challenges are to stop always expecting the worst, to stop being wary of everyone, and to bring my inner child back to life.However, I’m happy that she was able to break free at all, that she’s on a path toward healing, and to be blunt, that she's alive.
The book is an outstanding portrait of narcissistic toxicity, but it’s revelatory when it comes to showing how difficult leaving is, on many levels. Those outside of (and therefore at a safe distance from) an abusive relationship are frequently confounded when the victim doesn’t "just leave" immediately. So Much for Love is directed most obviously at abuse victims, to empathize with and help them, but it has lessons for others too.
At the end Lambda included a list of resources for victims of abuse in the United States and Canada. Secrets thrive in darkness. Her honest portrayal here will be invaluable to many.
September 18, 2021
This was a tough read, but a worthwhile one. Part memoir and part self-help, So Much for Love details the author's experience with an immensely toxic and emotionally/mentally abusive relationship before moving on to things she has learned in therapy and throughout her healing process, resources, and tips for readers who may suspect they, too, are in an unhealthy relationship.
While she delivers the story with a lot of brevity and candidness (and really cute art), the relationship-based bits of So Much for Love are hard to read at times. As a fellow abuse survivor, there were moments that hit way too close to home, but it was cathartic, knowing from the get-go that the author wrote this book from a perspective of someone who had escaped that terrible situation and is healing.
So many domestic abuse depictions in stories feature the beginning and the middle, but not the end - or if they do feature the end, it goes into very little detail thereafter. We see the trauma, but not its long-lasting effects or the healing process afterwards. That's not the case here: the abuse depictions only last (for the most part) until somewhere around the halfway mark, and the rest is all healing, and I loved that a lot. It was so heartwarming to read the things Sophie Lambda has learned in her time since leaving her ex, and I was so proud of her (as well as some other important figures in her story) by the end of it that I just wanted to give her a big hug. ♥
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this review copy in exchange for an honest review!
While she delivers the story with a lot of brevity and candidness (and really cute art), the relationship-based bits of So Much for Love are hard to read at times. As a fellow abuse survivor, there were moments that hit way too close to home, but it was cathartic, knowing from the get-go that the author wrote this book from a perspective of someone who had escaped that terrible situation and is healing.
So many domestic abuse depictions in stories feature the beginning and the middle, but not the end - or if they do feature the end, it goes into very little detail thereafter. We see the trauma, but not its long-lasting effects or the healing process afterwards. That's not the case here: the abuse depictions only last (for the most part) until somewhere around the halfway mark, and the rest is all healing, and I loved that a lot. It was so heartwarming to read the things Sophie Lambda has learned in her time since leaving her ex, and I was so proud of her (as well as some other important figures in her story) by the end of it that I just wanted to give her a big hug. ♥
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this review copy in exchange for an honest review!
August 22, 2022
A raw and honest look at what happens if you get into (and stay) in a relationship that is toxic. Sophie Lambda (SL) takes the reader behind the curtain as her relationship with her abusive boyfriend (Marcus) starts to eat away the foundations of her individuality and identity. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship will notice the 'signs' that SL did not see until it was too late. If you know someone who is trying to get out of an abusive relationship give them this book - they will thank you later.
October 13, 2019
A travers 300 pages qui se dévorent en moins de deux heures, l'autrice raconte sa rencontre et son histoire d'amour avec un manipulateur. Mais surtout, son cheminement pour se reconstruire après la rupture. Le sujet est essentiel et abordé avec humour - et il en faut ! J'ai beaucoup aimé la dernière partie où elle analyse à la lumière d'études psychogiques, les stratégies des manipulateurs pour exercer un pouvoir sur leur victime et la maintenir dans une situation de laquelle elle aimerait pourtant se libérer. Mettez cette BD entre toutes les mains pour informer et armer contre ces personnes mais aussi pour permettre à l'entourage de mieux comprendre pourquoi il n'est pas si facile de partir.
June 19, 2023
Bello bello bello!
L’amore tossico, con un manipolatore per la precisione, spiegato in tutte le sue fasi con onestà, anche ironia, e con tutto il dolore che l’autrice ha vissuto.
Mettersi a nudo in questo modo, alla mercé di chiunque, non è affatto semplice. E il lavoro su sé stessa è stato davvero tanto, e si vede, e quel tipo di lavoro lì, quello che viene fuori parlandone solo con un/una professionista, fa un male cane perché impari a conoscere tratti di te che ignoravi o che nascondevi perché prenderne atto è doloroso, c’è poco da fare.
Consigliatissimo.
Uno dei libri più belli letti quest’anno.
L’amore tossico, con un manipolatore per la precisione, spiegato in tutte le sue fasi con onestà, anche ironia, e con tutto il dolore che l’autrice ha vissuto.
Mettersi a nudo in questo modo, alla mercé di chiunque, non è affatto semplice. E il lavoro su sé stessa è stato davvero tanto, e si vede, e quel tipo di lavoro lì, quello che viene fuori parlandone solo con un/una professionista, fa un male cane perché impari a conoscere tratti di te che ignoravi o che nascondevi perché prenderne atto è doloroso, c’è poco da fare.
Consigliatissimo.
Uno dei libri più belli letti quest’anno.
March 11, 2020
Lu d'une traite en matinée, cette BD m'a beaucoup plu et elle a su mettre de l'humour dans le récit d'une expérience vraiment effrayante (et pas drôle du tout pour le coup).
Le récit se fait en deux temps, avec d'abord l'histoire "d'amour" entre Sophie et Marcus, puis la BD se fait plus didactique, pour exposer les mécanismes utilisés par les manipulateurs.trices. C'est assez complet et intéressant (au cas où votre chemin croiserait ce type de personne...).
Si l'histoire est assez triste et effrayante en partie, c'est aussi vraiment chouette de voir comment s'en est sortie l'autrice, et j'ai beaucoup aimé l'esprit de sororité que j'ai ressenti à sa lecture. Une lecture nécessaire que je conseille à tous.
Le récit se fait en deux temps, avec d'abord l'histoire "d'amour" entre Sophie et Marcus, puis la BD se fait plus didactique, pour exposer les mécanismes utilisés par les manipulateurs.trices. C'est assez complet et intéressant (au cas où votre chemin croiserait ce type de personne...).
Si l'histoire est assez triste et effrayante en partie, c'est aussi vraiment chouette de voir comment s'en est sortie l'autrice, et j'ai beaucoup aimé l'esprit de sororité que j'ai ressenti à sa lecture. Une lecture nécessaire que je conseille à tous.
March 9, 2020
Une lecture qui m’a retourné le ventre, vraiment poignante, durant laquelle j’ai eu envie de serrer l’autrice dans mes bras, en pleurant de rage. J’ai particulièrement apprécie le fait que le récit soit coupé en deux, avec en premier l’histoire de Marcus et de Sophie, qui sombre lentement mais sûrement dans la violence verbale et psychologique, et en second des conseils de l’autrice pour reconnaître les manipulateurs, comprendre leur mode de fonctionnement et les fuir.
J’ai également beaucoup aimé le ton bienveillant de cette BD, qui vise à rappeler aux victimes que rien n’est de leur faute et qu’elles sont fortes, ainsi que la sororité qui s’en dégage 💪🏻 C’était dur à lire mais très intéressant, j’ai appris beaucoup de choses !
J’ai également beaucoup aimé le ton bienveillant de cette BD, qui vise à rappeler aux victimes que rien n’est de leur faute et qu’elles sont fortes, ainsi que la sororité qui s’en dégage 💪🏻 C’était dur à lire mais très intéressant, j’ai appris beaucoup de choses !
June 2, 2022
The title tells the story here, as the author recounts her fairy-tale romance with a C-list actor that descended into gaslighting and emotional abuse as he revealed himself to be a narcissistic manipulator. The first two-thirds are very engaging as she describes the relationship in a cartoonish style with generous amounts of humor to give a respite from its the horrible and terrifying aspects.
The last third loses momentum as narrative gives way to a handbook format wherein she analyzes the psychological aspects and describes red flags and tactics used by toxic people like her ex. It's informative but moves the book firmly from showing to telling.
Recommended, especially for anyone who has inklings that their own relationship might not feel right.
The last third loses momentum as narrative gives way to a handbook format wherein she analyzes the psychological aspects and describes red flags and tactics used by toxic people like her ex. It's informative but moves the book firmly from showing to telling.
Recommended, especially for anyone who has inklings that their own relationship might not feel right.
January 27, 2023
L'arte del fumetto al servizio di una materia sociologica importante: le dinamiche di una relazione tossica.
Con un linguaggio ironico e spensierato l'autrice ci racconta un pezzo della sua vita che ha rischiato di annientarla. L'incontro con un manipolatore che prima l'ha lusingata e fatta innamorare e poi, inevitabilmente, ha riprodotto la sua più brutta immagine: quella vera purtroppo.
Prima della violenza le manipolazioni sottili, le bugie grossolane e il controllo. A seguire suppliche di perdono e pianti di finto pentimento che non portano mai a vero cambiamento perché il manipolatore è sprovvisto della volontà di mettersi in discussione.
Prima della violenza ci sono le bugie che ci si racconta per illuderci che va tutto bene, che non sarebbe giusto fuggire, che in fondo la persona di cui ci siamo innamorati è sempre lì, nascosta fra le pieghe di un individuo che sul momento non riconosciamo più. E allora si cercano le prove quotidiane della sua bontà e non intenzionalità di colpire arrecandoci dolore.
Prima della violenza viene la poca autostima, il mancato amore verso se stessi e il considerare il tempo e i bisogni dell'altro più importanti rispetto alle proprie esigenze.
Ma poi la violenza arriva sempre, fisica e psicologica o anche solo psicologica ma non per questo meno deleteria perché annienta comunque la voglia di vivere.
E allora è giusto tenere alta la guardia e parlarne perché il pericolo di incontrare la persona sbagliata esiste sempre.
Con un linguaggio ironico e spensierato l'autrice ci racconta un pezzo della sua vita che ha rischiato di annientarla. L'incontro con un manipolatore che prima l'ha lusingata e fatta innamorare e poi, inevitabilmente, ha riprodotto la sua più brutta immagine: quella vera purtroppo.
Prima della violenza le manipolazioni sottili, le bugie grossolane e il controllo. A seguire suppliche di perdono e pianti di finto pentimento che non portano mai a vero cambiamento perché il manipolatore è sprovvisto della volontà di mettersi in discussione.
Prima della violenza ci sono le bugie che ci si racconta per illuderci che va tutto bene, che non sarebbe giusto fuggire, che in fondo la persona di cui ci siamo innamorati è sempre lì, nascosta fra le pieghe di un individuo che sul momento non riconosciamo più. E allora si cercano le prove quotidiane della sua bontà e non intenzionalità di colpire arrecandoci dolore.
Prima della violenza viene la poca autostima, il mancato amore verso se stessi e il considerare il tempo e i bisogni dell'altro più importanti rispetto alle proprie esigenze.
Ma poi la violenza arriva sempre, fisica e psicologica o anche solo psicologica ma non per questo meno deleteria perché annienta comunque la voglia di vivere.
E allora è giusto tenere alta la guardia e parlarne perché il pericolo di incontrare la persona sbagliata esiste sempre.
March 3, 2023
Fantastico!!
Un libro illustrato non solo bello, spiritoso , ma anche interessante. Tanto.
È un libro che si dovrebbe far leggere a tutte noi donne, giovani e meno giovani.
Anzi io lo inserirei nei programmi didattici, perché il tema può salvare tante donne dalla violenza emotiva e psicologica, fino a farci riflettere e salvarci dal femminicidio.
Davvero bella la trovata di colloquiare con la propria coscienza, che si presenta sotto le spoglie dell’orsacchiotto Chocolat.
Ho scoperto tra queste pagine delle cose che mi riguardavano, ho fatto pace con un pezzo di me stessa per tutto quello che mi è successo e che mi ha cambiato la vita circa 20 anni fa.
Avevo fatto un percorso diverso dall’autrice, con questo libro ho dato un nome dettagliato al problema, alle situazioni subite, alle tecniche del mio ex.
Grazie Sophie! Anche se arrivi tardi, mi hai fatto sentire meno sola al mondo! ♥️
Un libro illustrato non solo bello, spiritoso , ma anche interessante. Tanto.
È un libro che si dovrebbe far leggere a tutte noi donne, giovani e meno giovani.
Anzi io lo inserirei nei programmi didattici, perché il tema può salvare tante donne dalla violenza emotiva e psicologica, fino a farci riflettere e salvarci dal femminicidio.
Davvero bella la trovata di colloquiare con la propria coscienza, che si presenta sotto le spoglie dell’orsacchiotto Chocolat.
Ho scoperto tra queste pagine delle cose che mi riguardavano, ho fatto pace con un pezzo di me stessa per tutto quello che mi è successo e che mi ha cambiato la vita circa 20 anni fa.
Avevo fatto un percorso diverso dall’autrice, con questo libro ho dato un nome dettagliato al problema, alle situazioni subite, alle tecniche del mio ex.
Grazie Sophie! Anche se arrivi tardi, mi hai fatto sentire meno sola al mondo! ♥️
August 11, 2021
Non mi è piaciuto molto. La storia è sempre la solita. Esaurita la sezione autobiografica, il libro diventa poi un manualetto che riassume la cultura degli ultimi anni su "narcisisti", "vampiri emotivi" etc. Sono sempre le stesse identiche cose che ho già letto da tutte le parti. Lo avrei apprezzato di più se la parte di memoir fosse stata più profonda, se avesse scavato in maniera meno meccanica nella situazione.
Mi rimane poi lo stesso dubbio che ho avuto leggendo altro materiale simile: c'è una componente abilista che demonizza i soggetti disturbati con cui queste donne hanno avuto a che fare. Adesso mi spiego meglio. Secondo me è totalmente legittimo che la vittima di una relazione abusante descriva in questo modo la sua esperienza. Ho però delle perplessità quando se ne tira fuori una teoria che prende di mira intere categorie di persone che sono evidentemente affette da un disturbo. Se il libro prendesse in esame questo punto avrebbe un'utilità maggiore e sarebbe più etico. Sottolineo che parlo di categorie legate alla malattia, non al genere. Questo non è in nessun modo un libro femminista (non che dovesse esserlo per forza, anche se sarebbe stato interessante un ragionamento intersezionale che prendesse in considerazione perché certe dinamiche di solito sono molto rigide sui ruoli).
Il rischio con questo tipo di discorso è di aumentare violentemente lo stigma verso alcune malattie mentali. Però non ho dubbi sulla buona fede dell'autrice, è chiaro che è una persona traumatizzata che cerca di mettere in fila la sua esperienza.
Mi rimane poi lo stesso dubbio che ho avuto leggendo altro materiale simile: c'è una componente abilista che demonizza i soggetti disturbati con cui queste donne hanno avuto a che fare. Adesso mi spiego meglio. Secondo me è totalmente legittimo che la vittima di una relazione abusante descriva in questo modo la sua esperienza. Ho però delle perplessità quando se ne tira fuori una teoria che prende di mira intere categorie di persone che sono evidentemente affette da un disturbo. Se il libro prendesse in esame questo punto avrebbe un'utilità maggiore e sarebbe più etico. Sottolineo che parlo di categorie legate alla malattia, non al genere. Questo non è in nessun modo un libro femminista (non che dovesse esserlo per forza, anche se sarebbe stato interessante un ragionamento intersezionale che prendesse in considerazione perché certe dinamiche di solito sono molto rigide sui ruoli).
Il rischio con questo tipo di discorso è di aumentare violentemente lo stigma verso alcune malattie mentali. Però non ho dubbi sulla buona fede dell'autrice, è chiaro che è una persona traumatizzata che cerca di mettere in fila la sua esperienza.
January 26, 2022
Durant ces 300 pages, Sophie Lambda nous raconte son histoire avec Marcus, du coup de foudre à la descente aux enfers. C’est une lecture difficile au regard de son sujet, mais passionnante et très bien ficelée puisque l’on voit les différentes étapes du process de Marcus pour manipuler Sophie. Les dernières pages dans lesquelles figurent le violentomètre et des astuces pour reconnaître un manipulateur sont d’utilité publique.
July 11, 2025
« Nos émotions sont au manipulateur ce que le sang est au requin. »
« Aujourd’hui, mon plus grand défi, c’est d’arrêter de toujours m’attendre au pire, de me méfier de tout le monde et de redonner vie à mon enfant intérieur. »
—
Cette BD m’a énormément émue car elle fait écho à du vécu, et elle m’a également beaucoup informé et aide à comprendre pourquoi et comment nous vivons ce genre de chose.
Merci Sophie.
Parler de ses peines, c’est déjà se consoler. ❤️
« Aujourd’hui, mon plus grand défi, c’est d’arrêter de toujours m’attendre au pire, de me méfier de tout le monde et de redonner vie à mon enfant intérieur. »
—
Cette BD m’a énormément émue car elle fait écho à du vécu, et elle m’a également beaucoup informé et aide à comprendre pourquoi et comment nous vivons ce genre de chose.
Merci Sophie.
Parler de ses peines, c’est déjà se consoler. ❤️
April 28, 2022
Alright, I’m not gonna get too sappy with this, I swear. Okay, maybe a bit. I just knew when I saw this book existed that the me I was 5-6 years ago needed this so badly. I saw way too much of myself in these pages and it made me relive one of the worst parts of my life BUT it was so worth it! It’s so validating and comforting to see that someone else has had similar experiences and come out on top.
I loved Sophie’s art style here and found her use of comedy hilarious and relatable all at once. Her very unflattering caricatures of herself feeling at her worst are so funny and accurate to how gross we feel we look at the worst times in our lives.
If you’ve ever dated or even known someone manipulative and toxic, this book just perfectly illustrates what life is like with them and the insanity it is getting over them. But, if you’re like me, reading something like this can be exactly what you need to continue processing that experience and feel better in the end.
I loved Sophie’s art style here and found her use of comedy hilarious and relatable all at once. Her very unflattering caricatures of herself feeling at her worst are so funny and accurate to how gross we feel we look at the worst times in our lives.
If you’ve ever dated or even known someone manipulative and toxic, this book just perfectly illustrates what life is like with them and the insanity it is getting over them. But, if you’re like me, reading something like this can be exactly what you need to continue processing that experience and feel better in the end.
October 1, 2022
Yikes! I saw the first part of the title, picked it up intrigued, then saw what it was about and tried it anyway.
Let’s just say, if you have ever been in a relationship with a person like her ex, I am incredibly sorry for you and hope you are getting the help that you need in dealing with the fallout from it.
This book has put a lot of my exes into perspective and has also made me slightly paranoid about any possible future relationships. Trusting someone is a very very vulnerable thing to do. It’s very brave and if one stops to think about it, absolutely terrifying.
If the trust is well placed, then it’s fantastic. If not, it can be a horror show like it was for this brave soul who shares her story in this book.
Upon further reflection, this is a 5 star book. HUGE warning, she doesn’t pull punches with what happened in her relationship and how it hurt her badly. If you went through something like she did, this WILL hurt, BUT she also shares HOW she healed and explains a LOT about the manipulative personality. She shares how she healed and how you can too.
I’ve been lucky and not had the experiences that she has had, but one bad read on a person and there I go too.
Informative, and unfortunately, necessary book. Highly recommended.
Let’s just say, if you have ever been in a relationship with a person like her ex, I am incredibly sorry for you and hope you are getting the help that you need in dealing with the fallout from it.
This book has put a lot of my exes into perspective and has also made me slightly paranoid about any possible future relationships. Trusting someone is a very very vulnerable thing to do. It’s very brave and if one stops to think about it, absolutely terrifying.
If the trust is well placed, then it’s fantastic. If not, it can be a horror show like it was for this brave soul who shares her story in this book.
Upon further reflection, this is a 5 star book. HUGE warning, she doesn’t pull punches with what happened in her relationship and how it hurt her badly. If you went through something like she did, this WILL hurt, BUT she also shares HOW she healed and explains a LOT about the manipulative personality. She shares how she healed and how you can too.
I’ve been lucky and not had the experiences that she has had, but one bad read on a person and there I go too.
Informative, and unfortunately, necessary book. Highly recommended.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 11, 2023
Quelle claque
RTC
RTC
August 11, 2022
The first 3/4ths of this book are hard to put down: the kind of memoir that bares all and gives you a look into an experience you have hopefully never experienced, but can find comfort in if you have. Then by the author’s own admission in the book itself, who would have ended the story there, if not under contract for 300 pages, the last 4th of the book really suffers. There is a shift from memoir to breaking down the psychological definitions of manipulation and narcissistic personality disorder in a less engaging way, but I believe that with some prodding, those elements could have been incorporated into the narrative, instead of feeling tacked on to complete page count.
December 4, 2023
Intéressant et touchant sur l’aspect intime et dénonciateur des abus conjugaux.
Mais certaines blagues + remarques racistes étaient de trop.
Mais certaines blagues + remarques racistes étaient de trop.
June 19, 2023
Eye opening. I know far too many people who have been or are currently in toxic relationships. I feel like I'm more prepared to help them after reading this graphic novel. What a unique way to visualize scenarios while learning and deep diving into toxic people. Well done, Sophie!
November 22, 2021
Ironico, divertente e interessante
July 6, 2025
E’, purtroppo, la storia di molte.
All’inizio è una favola: lui è bello, gentile, premuroso, comprensivo e lei ne è innamorata persa.
Poi, pian piano, qualcosa inizia a inclinarsi: lui inizia ad avere immotivate e incomprensibili reazioni di gelosia, racconta bugie, dice una cosa e poi fa l’opposto, manifesta comportamenti di violenza psicologica.
E’ così che Sophie, illustratrice francese, cade nella trappola di Marcus, un attore affascinante, brillante e apparentemente perfetto, e si ritrova vittima delle manie e delle azioni di un manipolatore narcisista.
Il narcisismo è una seria patologia di natura psicologica che ha conseguenze devastanti nei rapporti in generale, compresi quelli con l’altro sesso, ed è bene riconoscerne i segnali in chi ci sta accanto il prima possibile, per non rischiare di scivolare in un vortice dal quale si farà estrema fatica a risalire.
Marcus manipola Sophie ricattandola, umiliandola, colpevolizzandola di ogni sua azione e minacciando di suicidarsi a causa sua; Sophie, incredula e frastornata all’inizio, rabbiosa e vuota poi, cade in uno fase depressiva dalla quale uscirà, a fatica, tempo dopo, e solo grazie alle sue forze, nonostante l’aiuto offerto da amici e familiari e l’apporto psicologico di una psicoterapeuta.
Immagino che questa storia, dal tema attuale e importante, sia autobiografica. E, come spesso faccio, mi sono ritrovata a googlare l’immagine di Sophie Lambda, per curiosità: una giovane dal viso fine e grazioso, tipicamente francese, che spero abbia ritrovato completamente il sorriso dopo questa esperienza devastante sulla quale non si è mai interrogata abbastanza.
Nonostante la storia terribile, i disegni comunicano tenerezza e simpatia, in particolare quello di Chocolat, buffo orsacchiotto che accompagna Sophie e ne rappresenta l’inconscio, un po’ come l’armadillo per Zerocalcare.
Alla storia personale di Sophie seguono, sempre attraverso la sua esperienza, l’analisi delle fasi che la vittima di un manipolatore vive, le tecniche per non ricascarci e una sorta di “violentometro” per tutte le donne, per aiutarle a capire quando e se è necessario stare all’erta e chiedere aiuto.
Quando la graphic novel si mette al servizio di un tema sociale di grande importanza, il risultato è sempre qualcosa di apprezzabile.
All’inizio è una favola: lui è bello, gentile, premuroso, comprensivo e lei ne è innamorata persa.
Poi, pian piano, qualcosa inizia a inclinarsi: lui inizia ad avere immotivate e incomprensibili reazioni di gelosia, racconta bugie, dice una cosa e poi fa l’opposto, manifesta comportamenti di violenza psicologica.
E’ così che Sophie, illustratrice francese, cade nella trappola di Marcus, un attore affascinante, brillante e apparentemente perfetto, e si ritrova vittima delle manie e delle azioni di un manipolatore narcisista.
Il narcisismo è una seria patologia di natura psicologica che ha conseguenze devastanti nei rapporti in generale, compresi quelli con l’altro sesso, ed è bene riconoscerne i segnali in chi ci sta accanto il prima possibile, per non rischiare di scivolare in un vortice dal quale si farà estrema fatica a risalire.
Marcus manipola Sophie ricattandola, umiliandola, colpevolizzandola di ogni sua azione e minacciando di suicidarsi a causa sua; Sophie, incredula e frastornata all’inizio, rabbiosa e vuota poi, cade in uno fase depressiva dalla quale uscirà, a fatica, tempo dopo, e solo grazie alle sue forze, nonostante l’aiuto offerto da amici e familiari e l’apporto psicologico di una psicoterapeuta.
Immagino che questa storia, dal tema attuale e importante, sia autobiografica. E, come spesso faccio, mi sono ritrovata a googlare l’immagine di Sophie Lambda, per curiosità: una giovane dal viso fine e grazioso, tipicamente francese, che spero abbia ritrovato completamente il sorriso dopo questa esperienza devastante sulla quale non si è mai interrogata abbastanza.
Nonostante la storia terribile, i disegni comunicano tenerezza e simpatia, in particolare quello di Chocolat, buffo orsacchiotto che accompagna Sophie e ne rappresenta l’inconscio, un po’ come l’armadillo per Zerocalcare.
Alla storia personale di Sophie seguono, sempre attraverso la sua esperienza, l’analisi delle fasi che la vittima di un manipolatore vive, le tecniche per non ricascarci e una sorta di “violentometro” per tutte le donne, per aiutarle a capire quando e se è necessario stare all’erta e chiedere aiuto.
Quando la graphic novel si mette al servizio di un tema sociale di grande importanza, il risultato è sempre qualcosa di apprezzabile.
February 19, 2021
Quand Sophie tombe sur Marcus, il est parfait, attentionné, drôle, touchant, sensible, l'homme parfait. Le truc c'est que vu le titre on sait d'emblée qu'un truc va clocher. Et ça dérape, fort, vite, une fois la pente inclinée, remonter va s'avérer difficile, voire impossible. Sophie trouvera une issue mais il lui faudra du temps pour se libérer de cette emprise.
La mise en couleurs est très bien faite et illustre parfaitement les sentiments, les états émotionnels de la narratrice. J'ai aimé les images employées qui sont extrêmement parlantes, le personnage de l'ours (sorte de conscience à posteriori m'a fait rire, jaune), la jauge émotionnelle est une idée géniale qui illustre parfaitement les aléas d'une telle relation.
Le découpage de cette BD est particulièrement bien pensé : une première partie témoignage sans pathos avec un regard bienveillant mais assez objectif sur sa situation et la seconde sous forme de documentation, de prévention face à ce genre de personnes toxiques et les méthodes pour se prémunir ou arriver à sortir la tête hors de l'eau.
Une BD d'utilité publique qui apporte beaucoup d'éclairage sur cette problématique de la manipulation mentale. Un témoignage poignant et instructif.
La mise en couleurs est très bien faite et illustre parfaitement les sentiments, les états émotionnels de la narratrice. J'ai aimé les images employées qui sont extrêmement parlantes, le personnage de l'ours (sorte de conscience à posteriori m'a fait rire, jaune), la jauge émotionnelle est une idée géniale qui illustre parfaitement les aléas d'une telle relation.
Le découpage de cette BD est particulièrement bien pensé : une première partie témoignage sans pathos avec un regard bienveillant mais assez objectif sur sa situation et la seconde sous forme de documentation, de prévention face à ce genre de personnes toxiques et les méthodes pour se prémunir ou arriver à sortir la tête hors de l'eau.
Une BD d'utilité publique qui apporte beaucoup d'éclairage sur cette problématique de la manipulation mentale. Un témoignage poignant et instructif.
March 21, 2020
Le récit, largement autobiographique, de la relation de l'autrice avec un "manipulateur" (i.e. pervers narcissique selon la terminologie habituellement utilisée). La première partie est le récit de sa relation avec cet homme, leur rencontre, leur vie ensemble, leur séparation et sa vie ensuite (sa reconstruction en particulier car tout ne va pas mieux lorsqu'ils se séparent). Le récit est très fort, brutal. La deuxième partie, plus didactique, est un "manuel anti-manipulateur" (comment les repérer, les éviter, aider les personnes qui en sont victimes). Là-encore, le récit est très franc et très clair. J'ai beaucoup aimé cette BD sur un sujet souvent évoqué mais peu traité par la littérature au sens large du terme.
On sent évidemment que l'autrice en a bavé, vraiment, et qu'elle souhaite que cela n'arrive à personne. Son histoire est très bien racontée, elle est forte et triste, son ours en peluche venant parfois détendre l'atmosphère. A recommander à tout le monde, qu'on ait, ou non, ce type de personne dans son entourage (un manipulateur ou une personne manipulée).
On sent évidemment que l'autrice en a bavé, vraiment, et qu'elle souhaite que cela n'arrive à personne. Son histoire est très bien racontée, elle est forte et triste, son ours en peluche venant parfois détendre l'atmosphère. A recommander à tout le monde, qu'on ait, ou non, ce type de personne dans son entourage (un manipulateur ou une personne manipulée).
August 22, 2022
J'ai beaucoup apprécié cette BD qui, à l'origine, ne me disait rien du tout : j'en ai entendu parler, mais je ne l'ai lue que parce qu'une amie me l'a finalement recommandée.
C'était à la fois beau, affreux, instructif et drôle. On y trouve les caractéristiques de différentes pathologies liées à la manipulation, comment reconnaître un manipulateur, et des ressources pour en apprendre plus avec une bibliographie en fin d’œuvre. J'ai, de plus, beaucoup aimé le style de dessin de l'illustratrice, sa façon de raconter, l'ourson qui l'accompagne et représente sa conscience, l'impression de tout nous dire sans rien cacher de son expérience.
Une BD que je recommande à ceux qui veulent un témoignage mais aussi en apprendre plus sur cet aspect particulier de la psychologie : la manipulation.
C'était à la fois beau, affreux, instructif et drôle. On y trouve les caractéristiques de différentes pathologies liées à la manipulation, comment reconnaître un manipulateur, et des ressources pour en apprendre plus avec une bibliographie en fin d’œuvre. J'ai, de plus, beaucoup aimé le style de dessin de l'illustratrice, sa façon de raconter, l'ourson qui l'accompagne et représente sa conscience, l'impression de tout nous dire sans rien cacher de son expérience.
Une BD que je recommande à ceux qui veulent un témoignage mais aussi en apprendre plus sur cet aspect particulier de la psychologie : la manipulation.
April 16, 2022
Un chef d'œuvre ! Je la conseille à tout le monde, cette BD est passionnante et intelligente. Je l'ai lue d'un traite. Elle est indispensable. Lisez-la ❤️
Seul bémol : le mec est appelé "manipulateur" ou "pervers narcissique" tout au long de l'histoire, alors qu'il est tout simplement un "homme violent", selon moi. L'héroïne subit des violences domestiques : psychologiques, verbales et physiques. Il manque à cette BD l'analyse politique du phénomène, et la dénonciation des violences systémiques.
Seul bémol : le mec est appelé "manipulateur" ou "pervers narcissique" tout au long de l'histoire, alors qu'il est tout simplement un "homme violent", selon moi. L'héroïne subit des violences domestiques : psychologiques, verbales et physiques. Il manque à cette BD l'analyse politique du phénomène, et la dénonciation des violences systémiques.
June 25, 2022
Dommage que la fin ne s'intéresse pas aux violences et la domination inhérente aux couples hétéros. La mysogynie et les violences sexuelles et sexistes s'inscrivent dans un pattern systémique plus large, et mettre le tout dans "les pervers narcissiques" et autres synonymes, déresponsabilise la société des conséquences de sa hiérarchisation des genres.
September 29, 2019
A lire mais surtout à relire !
Le témoignage de Sophie est tellement touchant, le fait de savoir que ce récit est autobiographique fait d'autant plus réfléchir.
Le témoignage de Sophie est tellement touchant, le fait de savoir que ce récit est autobiographique fait d'autant plus réfléchir.
November 10, 2022
Part memoir, part self-help book, Sophie Lambda is a French illustrator who shares her disastrous love affair with a narcissist.
Sophie meets television actor Marcus at a Paris party and feels an immediate connection. After they re-meet months later they begin to correspond by texting and soon arrange to meet. The relationship progresses quickly and Sophie falls deeply in love. Marcus also declares his love for her and she feels like a new woman. As time goes by, cracks appear, but Sophie makes excuses for these first signs. The highs with him are just so wonderful that she balances the lows for far too long. Plus, Marcus expertly manipulates her making her doubt herself and he separates her from friends that would have noticed his toxic behavior.
Two-thirds of the way through this graphic novel, Sophie finally breaks it off with him, but the drama is not over, as he lies to others and tries to cover his multiple affairs. She begins therapy, as she is devastated and unable to recover from her emotional turmoil. Her therapist guides her through how to recognize a manipulator, and she realizes that there were signs early on that she swept under the rug because she was blinded by love. With a few stops and starts, she regains her life and her sanity and ends up helping Marcus’s next girlfriend when he continues his unhealthy patterns. Thus the last third of the book is a self-help manual, as Sophie shares her hard-won wisdom with others who might find themselves trapped in a toxic relationship.
The art is delightful, as Sophie takes a self-deprecating look at her life and builds comedy into it. A trash-talking teddy bear (unseen to all but herself) is her ally, and she isn’t afraid to show her own foibles. She keeps to a simple black-and-white color scheme, adding some blues and reds on occasion to amp up the emotions. Paris and French countryside landscapes are additionally appealing and the 300-page book goes by quickly.
While I have been lucky in love, I have witnessed unhealthy relationships in my extended family and in some friends’ lives. So while I may not have experienced these pitfalls myself, I hope this guide could help me be a good aide to someone who might need a hand in the future.
This review can also be found on my blog: https://graphicnovelty2.com/2022/11/1...
Sophie meets television actor Marcus at a Paris party and feels an immediate connection. After they re-meet months later they begin to correspond by texting and soon arrange to meet. The relationship progresses quickly and Sophie falls deeply in love. Marcus also declares his love for her and she feels like a new woman. As time goes by, cracks appear, but Sophie makes excuses for these first signs. The highs with him are just so wonderful that she balances the lows for far too long. Plus, Marcus expertly manipulates her making her doubt herself and he separates her from friends that would have noticed his toxic behavior.
Two-thirds of the way through this graphic novel, Sophie finally breaks it off with him, but the drama is not over, as he lies to others and tries to cover his multiple affairs. She begins therapy, as she is devastated and unable to recover from her emotional turmoil. Her therapist guides her through how to recognize a manipulator, and she realizes that there were signs early on that she swept under the rug because she was blinded by love. With a few stops and starts, she regains her life and her sanity and ends up helping Marcus’s next girlfriend when he continues his unhealthy patterns. Thus the last third of the book is a self-help manual, as Sophie shares her hard-won wisdom with others who might find themselves trapped in a toxic relationship.
The art is delightful, as Sophie takes a self-deprecating look at her life and builds comedy into it. A trash-talking teddy bear (unseen to all but herself) is her ally, and she isn’t afraid to show her own foibles. She keeps to a simple black-and-white color scheme, adding some blues and reds on occasion to amp up the emotions. Paris and French countryside landscapes are additionally appealing and the 300-page book goes by quickly.
While I have been lucky in love, I have witnessed unhealthy relationships in my extended family and in some friends’ lives. So while I may not have experienced these pitfalls myself, I hope this guide could help me be a good aide to someone who might need a hand in the future.
This review can also be found on my blog: https://graphicnovelty2.com/2022/11/1...
December 27, 2022
Mein erster Comic, der nicht für Kinder geschrieben wurde, sondern eine sehr ernste Thematik behandelt. Es geht um eine Frau, die beschreibt wie sie ihrer toxischen Beziehung entkommen ist und welche Auswirkungen eine solche Beziehung haben kann. Habe den Comic in zwei Tagen durchgelesen, weil er so fesselnd war.
July 7, 2024
This hurt to read because I saw myself, I'm so glad the author got out alive and thank you for the sources at the end this book touched me and is what I needed when I dated nick my ex, this book is full of quotes and will have you leaving with alot of knowledge if you or someone you know is being abused please reach out.
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