Friendship—It’s Complicated

by Andi Andrew

Too often our friendships with other women can be marked by drama, competition, betrayal, and unforgiveness. As women, we can cause one another deep pain, creating wounds in need of healing. But we were made for connection and healthy friendships with other women to cheer each other on and fulfill our God-breathed purpose--together.

Through vulnerable personal stories laden with joy, heartache, mistakes, and lessons learned, Andi invites you on a journey of navigating the complications that can come in friendships with other women. With practical and biblical applications throughout, this book will empower you to do the work by first facing yourself and untangling the mess, then seeking reconciliation for genuine connection, and building authentic friendships, even when it's been painful or complicated in the past.

Genres: Christian, Christian Non Fiction, Friendship, Nonfiction, Personal Growth

224 pages, Paperback

Published October 5, 2021

Reviews

[📚 Alana (professional book nerd)]

When your listening to the author speaking about her reasoning behind this book 🤭🤭🤭

[Claire Ruiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book as a whole! The last chapter was kinda weird and confusing to me but it had a lot of good wisdom and practical tips on the subject. She does a really good job at having you look at your own life/trains of thoughts/behaviors while also discussing what healthy friendships can/should look like. I’d give it a 3.5-4 stars!

[Kim Noble Calhoun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman should read this book many times. It has made me reflect deeply upon self and ways to be a better friend. And heal from past hurts.

[rylee farley · Rating 4 out of 5]

for my Christian girlies…this book is so wonderful! as someone that definitely struggles with pitting herself against other women, this brought a lot of perspective!

[Sarah]

I decided to skip this book. I couldn't sleep and so I started the second chapter. This book just wasn't for me.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, so I'm not usually one to read a book that isn't a novel...that's just the truth...but here I am in awe of the book I never knew I NEEDED. Andi's honesty, depth, realness, and vulnerability had me coming undone from the very first chapter. I saw myself in the books pages...I didn't realize how starved I was for a genuine reciprocal friendship that is messy, honest, and beautiful. I had put my heart, my fears, my aches, my wounds, my insecurities all away in a lock box that was only for me to know and only for me to carry. Why? With the help of this book I am beginning to understand and unlock the pattern of friendship I've created over the years. I have beautiful friends, loving, compassionate, long-suffering friends...and yet I've not allowed them to fully embrace me and all my "stuff" even when they've wanted to help me carry it. Andi, thank you for this book. It has wrecked me and yet has wrapped me in love and has given me a place to begin again. And I have...I have begun the journey of true friendship with amazing women who have been there all along. ❤️

[Rebecca Lombardo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friendship matters. Full stop. But it can seem like it’s not easy. Andi is raw and authentic, sharing with the world what has been a struggle in her life when it comes to relationships. By being vulnerable, she reveals the steps that we can all take to grow and strengthen our own friendships. We’re taken on a journey of seeing how things in our life can deeply affect us, but that doesn’t have to be where it ends. From putting aside pride and comparison, being intentional, and acknowledging that there are healthy boundaries to be had, you finish the book feeling empowered to tackle the hard things to see something beautiful created in your life. Whether you have yet to realize the importance of friendship, or you’ve wondered why it’s so hard, this book comes highly recommended. It is a must read for anyone who wants to see their friendships be the best they can be!

[Stacy Bolin · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a powerful, transformational book! I took 8 weeks to read this book in order to really do the work and write out the answers to the reflection questions in the corresponding workbook. The first part of the book gave new insight to our relationships and friendships that required the most reflection on the relationship with our mother and the woman wounds we have. This was challenging but the most impactful. The second part of the book was making our friendships uncomplicated, which wasn’t as helpful for me. I wasn’t as drawn or connected to the situations that she wrote about in the 2nd half. However I recommend this book to women of all ages to build friendships with power and purpose.

[Allison Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book!! Highly recommend

[Courtney Carlson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andi so well articulates the God-given need for relationship with other women. She takes us on a restorative journey to conquer the things that hold us back from the relationships God yearns for us to have and facilitates healing and growth so that we can step into those relationships with confidence knowing these are the relationships God has intended us for.

[Kendra · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title of this book says it all: friendship really IS complicated. Though it came easily for most of us as young children, adult friendship (especially adult female friendship) is often nonexistent or marred by drama, insecurity, competition, and inauthenticity. We women are experts at wounding others and harboring grudges, bringing our unhealthiest selves into relationships that have no hope for thriving. We know this can’t be God’s design for healthy connection, but don’t know where or why we’ve gotten off track and how to start afresh.

Bible teacher Andi Andrew has navigated her share of challenging friendships. This book contains her hard-learned lessons and advice for becoming the healthiest versions of ourselves, providing a crucial foundation for healthy friendships. The first half of the book centers around self reflection, helping readers identify our “woman wounds” (poor examples of female connection); learn to forgive; and overcome our tendencies for self-preservation and drama. The book’s second half digs into un-complicating friendship, from creating authentic connections and identifying our friendship circles, to learning how to be spiritual midwives for our sisters in Christ.

Friendship does not come naturally for me, and it’s an area I would love some guidance in, so I had high hopes for this book, but found it to be somewhat of a letdown. Not long into the book, I realized this was less of a relationship book and more of a self improvement guide. I can appreciate the need for “self work” that must come before relationship, and maybe for some readers these reflective chapters would be beneficial; since I’ve leaned in pretty heavily to the self improvement realm for several years now, these chapters were mostly review. I wanted more depth from the “outward-facing” sections of the book, which offer ideas for overcoming problems but provide little guidance in actually establishing and cultivating friendships. In other words, this book seems to be geared towards women who have a lot of unhealthy friendships rather than women (like me) who are lacking in friendship altogether. There are some great concepts (I especially liked the section on being spiritual midwives in our relationships), and Anei does offer a desirable portrait of what friendship can and should look like, I just felt like we could have gotten more advice on how to actually get there.

Andi shares vulnerably in this book, but somehow her tone didn’t always sit well with me. I imagine it must be difficult to write candidly about fractured friendships without coming across as vindictive or petty; I could sense Andi’s heart in wanting to share her stories truthfully but also as respectfully as possible, but not every anecdote landed as I’m assuming she hoped it would.

I can see how this book might be very beneficial for some women, offering the healing they seek in themselves and their relationships. The ideas are rooted in scripture and well-intentioned, and the premise is an important one. For me, though, the messaging and tone just weren’t a good fit.

My Rating 3.5 Stars (Rounded down to 3 stars on Goodreads.) // Book Format: Audiobook

[Karen L · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Friendship—It’s Complicated, Andi Andrew takes a real, raw, and relatable approach to women’s friendships, opening the door to the reader’s heart by laying hers bare and inviting us to uncover and face the hidden obstacles that cause our relationship breakdowns, especially with other women. Andi challenges us to adopt the mindset that other women are our sisters, daughters, mothers, and friends and not our competition. To help the reader process, she places Reflection Points throughout the book to encourage the reader to stop, recall, ponder, and make sense of the relational hiccups we’ve all experienced in our friendship journeys. Instead of hiding at the back of the book, these stopping points appear at the very spot where memories of past hurts –felt or caused--are stirred up so that the reader can search her heart while the emotions are fresh and take a step toward self-awareness and healing. In the last chapter, Andi explains what it means to be a spiritual midwife and urges women to step into that life-producing role for one another. Although this book was written by a woman for women, men too can benefit from its wisdom—not only as a learning tool to help them understand the women in their lives and support them through the relationship challenges they are dealing with, but also as a guide through their own friendship difficulties.

[Kara Veach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Andi hits it right on the nail through this book. Friendship is hard. Especially because we live in a fallen world with imperfect people we cannot control. Andi addresses the pain, problems, and beautiful purpose of living life in relationship with God’s most cherished creation: humanity. From the woman wounds that happen to us that we cannot control, to the heart checks and repentance that we can control, Andi pulls those heart strings, and challenges the reader to first examine our own heart, and work to rebuild that which may have been broken. Her vulnerability, fiery truth, and soft grace not only challenges, but provides a living course for rehabilitation. I encourage any woman in any season of life to pick this because friendships are important AND friendships are complicated! And we are the “common denominator” in all of our friendships, so it’s important to self-evaluate and be challenged in how we live them out.

[Tammy Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew before I even started reading Friendship--It's Complicated that Andi Andrew wouldn't shy away from talking about the difficult parts of relationships between women. Wow, was I right! With the vulnerability and authenticity her readers have come to expect, Andi digs deep into "why" these relationships can be challenging for each and every one of us. Candidly drawing from her own personal experience, she shares practical wisdom on how to avoid common pitfalls as well as how to heal past wounds, so that we can all walk toward healthier, more fulfilling friendships, regardless of our stage of life. What can you expect as you read Friendship--It's Complicated? You'll definitely laugh. You'll probably cry. Most importantly, you'll never again feel alone in your struggle or hopeless in your desire to have thriving, healthy relationships with other women. As Andi shows us, friendship might be complicated, but it's not impossible. And it's very much worth the effort.

[Erin F. · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are not a lot of Christian books out there about friendship. If I come across any of these unicorns, I snatch them up. Even though this book certainly does not cover the origins of or theological importance of friendship, I am still very happy to recommend it

You should be aware that the book is almost exclusively about the practical mechanisms for healthy friendship, and that it is geared towards adult women who are Christians. But for what it is, it is very well done. This is the kind of book I can see many people I know being able to consume, and enjoy, and benefit from. There are even some moments where the author anchors her framework for friendship in the gospel, since this is such a rare moment for any book about intimate relationships, I was pleasantly surprised. This book is thoughtful, practical, & valuable for any Christ-followers(but especially women) who just need an orientation for healthy friendships.

[April Jay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never expected to get what I got out of this book. Immediately Andi had me hooked when she shared about her mom. Before I read it, I thought hmm I don’t think I have any friend issues. Well, that changed and opened my eyes to past friendships, relationships with women in the church, my mom, sister, daughter and then my granddaughter. I know very well about manipulation and I’ve seen it and did it myself but Andi has such a sweet gentle way of opening your eyes (well the Holy Spirit does:) I won’t spill about the book but I so appreciated her honesty and vulnerability when sharing how she lost it at the Christmas dinner! She asked questions at the end of the chapters and it made me dig deeper into my relationships. I apologized to my daughter and I don’t want these things to affect my granddaughter. I may never meet Andi on this side of heaven but I am eternally grateful for her life and how she shares. You don’t want to miss out on getting this book in your hands, trust me!

[Michelle Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolute MUST READ. From the very first chapter, Andi takes us on a vulnerable journey deep into the many layers of friendship. Through her personal stories of how she walked through her own past wounds and healing, Andi empowers us to look inward, get honest with ourselves and work through our own mess to face our pain head on! You'll laugh and most definitely cry reading this book, but most of all, you’ll be inspired through Andi's journey with a renewed HOPE for healthy friendships in the future! This book truly is a beautiful roadmap to healing that will pave the way for us all to experience beautiful, authentic friendships!

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for everyone! Who hasn’t struggles at times in their friendships. Humans are complicated and Andi in true fashion shares her experiences and struggles so you can relate and understand. She has great reflection points to help you process your relationships as you read. She is vulnerable and honest about the path we take. It says it is for finding better connections with my female friends but it is also helping me understand my friendship with my husband as well. If you’re ready to find out how you can improve your relationships this is the book for you.

[Brandy Dowdey · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author’s transparency and vulnerability to dive deep into the depths of friendships is an honesty of which I connected. The book, as a whole inspires others to not sit in wounds of friendship and rehearse pain and hurt repeatedly but to dare to be courageous and charge the friendship territory time and time again with more understanding of ourselves, our needs, and the needs of others. I will be recommending this book for years to come because it challenges change and fosters hope. I give this a 5 star rating, no questions asked!

[ShayeBayBay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good concepts but had to fight for them because the book is written like she speaks to her audiences. The spoken word has different styles that must be adapted for written word. This was like trying to read her speaking, which I found very distracting & therefore difficult to focus on the amazing concepts she presented. I like her ideas a lot, & I LOVE hearing her speak, so I find it unfortunate that this particular book was such a struggle to get through. It did a disservice to the amazing messages that she has. But would definitely read once.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a good book. It definitely was not the way I thought it would be, but I was surprisingly glad about that. It did a really great job of ensuring that to create authentic friendships, we need to understand certain things in ourselves as well and that we have to change our goals for those friendships. I also liked that it focused specifically on female friendships and sometimes the many difficulties that occur there. It made me do a lot of self-reflection and understand where I need to grow and be a better friend.

[Raven Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friendship is complicated. This book is a must read. I love the way the author had reflection time. I used this book to reflect lots of friendships and the type of friend I am. I also learned a lot while reading. This book would do others some good to read and reread and to do some reflecting on how they treat friendships. Several verses stood out to me but the one that stood out the most.
Phillipians 2:3 DO NOTHING out of selfish ambition or conceit, BUT in HUMILITY consider OTHERS as MORE IMPORTANT than YOURSELF

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever wondered why you pick the friends you end up with? Are they needy, overbearing, just too much or do you just have too many/too little? This book is for you! Andi does such an amazing job of tying it all together. She helps you step by step to uncover the mystery of your friendships, good bad and ugly. Then she goes a step further to guide you into creating healthy friendships and boundaries. We were made for each other. So grab your highlighter. This one is a must read!

[Carolyn Concepcion · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love reading this book; it saw me on every page; I felt relief knowing I'm not the only person who feels this way. One of my favorite passages from the book is "Women; it's time for us to heal, restore, and uncomplicate that which has been stolen or lost when it comes to female relationships" It is so great I work in an all-female department, too much drama. I would love for them to read this book. I recommend the book easy reading.

[Gabrielle Haston · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a while to finish this book because I like to take my time on a topic that feels heavy. Andi’s wisdom and encouragement to not give up, but also know where to draw the boundary lines is instructing, but not “holier than thou” preachy. I really appreciated her honesty and vulnerability in sharing personal stories as well. Friendship is worth it in even though it is hard and uncomfortable sometimes.

[Amber Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having listened to Andi at a women’s event, this book felt so personal. Friendship IS complicated, but working towards following God’s design isn’t! I used this book in my (almost) daily study time and appreciated how much reflection is asked of the reader. I gained a greater understanding on how to approach female friendship and keep my heart close to God.

Phillipians 2:3 Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or conceit, BUT in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.

[Jasmine P · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book, especially its depth. Andi was honest and vulnerable and it made the book feel intentional and thoughtful for the reader. I loved the questions for reflection, as they often challenged me to think through application and action. I highly highly recommend this book for all women! ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

[Amy]

DNF @ 45%

This one is validating, but I didn't find anything especially inspiring or educational, so it didn't hold my attention. I feel like this is definitely a book based more on anecdotes and personal stories than anything theological or research based. That is TOTALLY fine, but not exactly what I was looking for.

[Jac Wraight]

Wow. Am so incredibly grateful for the tool that has been put in our hands to navigate such a precious gift that can be so challenging at times. Thank you Andi for being faithful to equip us with these words. Have found such healing in them.

[Shireen Eldridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book we have been needing for awhile. And I love that it isn’t how to find friends but how to be a healthy friend. Really a healthy person who loves well. Read if you are ready to do some heart work! Very easy read.