The Loneliness Epidemic: Why So Many of Us Feel Alone--and How Leaders Can Respond

by Susan Mettes, David Kinnaman (Foreword)

What makes people lonely? And how can Christian communities better minister to the lonely? In The Loneliness Epidemic , behavioral scientist and researcher Susan Mettes explores those questions and more.

Guided by current research from Barna Group, Mettes illustrates the profound physical, emotional, and social toll of loneliness in the United States. Surprisingly, her research shows that it is not the oldest Americans but the youngest adults who are loneliest and that social media can actually play a positive role in alleviating loneliness. Mettes highlights the role that belonging, friendship, closeness, and expectations play in preventing it. She also offers meaningful ways the church can minister to lonely people, going far beyond simplistic solutions--like helping them meet new people--to addressing their inner lives and the God who understands them.

With practical and highly applicable tips, this book is an invaluable tool for anyone--ministry leaders, parents, friends--trying to help someone who feels alone. Readers will emerge better able to deal with their own loneliness and to help alleviate the loneliness of others. Foreword by Barna Group president David Kinnaman.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Faith, Church, Leadership

224 pages, Hardcover

Published November 30, 2021

Reviews

[Eustacia Tan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I opened NetGalley for the first time in a long time and stumbled across this book. Perhaps it’s because I moved to a new country alone this year, but something about the book caught my eye and compelled me to read it.

In The Loneliness Epidemic, Susan Mettes uses data from the Barna Group to explore the topic of loneliness in America and what Christians and the Church can do about it. The book is broken into three parts:

What loneliness is
Myths and Truths about loneliness
The three pillars to protect against loneliness – Belonging, Closeness, and Expectations
Apart from these three main sections, there are also two appendixes: (A) what the Bible says abut loneliness, and (B) Should we look for a “cure” for loneliness?

In the introduction, Mettes is clear that loneliness is not necessarily bad. She draws a line between occasional loneliness and chronic loneliness, writing that:

“Occasional loneliness is a foil to satisfying relationships. Thirsting for them every now and then might make us better at investing in intimacy.

“However, chronic loneliness is defined by deficiency and distress, and it has destructive effects on human life and creativity. Chronic loneliness is rooted in unquenchable insecurity.”

It’s this second, chronic loneliness, that Mettes tries to address. Although the book is America-centric, I still found the second part on the myths of loneliness to be eye-opening. While I don’t think you can copy of trends in America to Singapore wholesale, I think it’s possible to use the conclusions Mettes has drawn as a starting point to investigate the issue of loneliness in Singapore (or the country you’re in). Some points that I thought were interesting:

- The way to correct loneliness is by “investing more heavily in friendships than in family. That’s countercultural, but there’s good research behind it; researchers discovered that chosen rather than kin relationships tend to help us most with loneliness.”
- There is a study based on the Framingham Heart Study which looked at the spread of loneliness. If you’re interested in reading it, I’ve found the paper here.
- “Fighting loneliness means checking up on our intuitions about who is lonely” – rather than assume that certain groups are more at risk and others are fine, actually talk to and check on the people involved.
- With regards to singleness, Mettes says that “the church has only intermittently honoured and supported singleness, although it should have always taken its goodness seriously” and this is a something that I agree with.
- Social undermining, social injustice, and rejected are also related to loneliness, which means that when we are addressing loneliness, we should also be looking at the causes of marginalisaton as well.
“As Van Opstal says, “Biblical justice is lived out in the life of a Christian who’s asking the questions, ‘How do I bring restoration?’ ‘How do I bring flourishing?'” That effort brings a Christian deeper into a purposeful pursuit of a less lonely society.”
- Social media, when used correctly, does not lead to loneliness and can be used to supplement relationships. But it can be a contributor to the problem if you do not have strong real-life relationships.

The last section of the book is targeted towards Church leaders, on what they can do to combat the problem of chronic loneliness. For the rest of the Church, one practical step all of us can take would be to practice hospitality – opening our homes to others. It’s something that we are called to do, but the traditional forms of hospitality have been paused due to COVID-19. In that case, have we found ways new ways of showing hospitality?

Overall, I found The Loneliness Epidemic to be a thoughtful and timely book. While the book is centred on America, I think the suggestions on how we can check up on others and include those in our community can be easily tweaked to fit the cultural norms in other countries (like Singapore). Since COVID-19 is supposed to be endemic, I think this book would be a valuable resource in helping Church leaders continue to ensure that we remain an inclusive and welcoming community.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

This review was first posted at Eustea Reads

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: A study of the prevalence of loneliness in America, misconceptions about loneliness, and steps leaders and individuals in the church can take to address loneliness.

Loneliness is epidemic in America. Over half the population feel lonely at least once a week and fourteen percent all the time. Forty-five percent describe their feelings of loneliness as somewhere between intense and unbearable. Loneliness is linked to depression and suicide and affects not only mental but physical well-being. It contributes to heart disease, weakened immunity, stress, sleep disorders, and dementia.

Susan Mettes introduces us to this data, much of it drawn from Barna Research. She offers this definition of loneliness: “the distress someone feels when their social connections don’t meet their need for emotional intimacy.” She describes two kinds of loneliness. One is that for a buddy, and almost any buddy whose company we enjoy will do. The other is our longing for intimacy, not just sexually, but with people we can be our truest selves with.

One of the most fascinating parts of her study were the ways in which it punctured our stereotypes. We often think of the old as lonely, but actually, aside from the bereaved or disabled, young adults are the loneliest. The emphasis on deferring marriage to focus on education and career may contribute. We think the solution to loneliness is finding true love. While marriage can help, the quality of our relationships, single or married is most important and cultivating community that includes singles is vital. We need both privacy and belonging. Loneliness and the lack of privacy actually rise together. It is insecurity, which may have to do with status as well as self-talk, rather than poor social skills that contributes to loneliness.

Social media can supplement in-person relationships but can also make people jealous and lonely if it becomes a replacement for those relationships. Contrary to the belief that church makes people less lonely, Christians are generally as lonely as non-Christians (and may under-report due to stigma). Yet the pandemic also revealed a striking finding: that practicing Christians exhibited a resilience against loneliness when it was not possible to meet in person.

The third part of the book looks at what leaders may do to address loneliness. One is to foster belonging. One key idea here is that we often fail to follow up with those we meet to do something of mutual interest together. Another is closeness, which may be nurtured as we practice hospitality, appropriate physical touch, and neighborliness. We can also help by setting real-world norms and expectations including the reality that we all experience loneliness (even Jesus) as well as the steps that help address this, like inviting people over while puncturing unrealistic, social-media fed expectations about “living my best life now.” At several points, Mettes challenges leaders to model a healthy relationship with devices, and ways we keep them from getting in the way of people.

This is an important book for churches thinking about the renewal of community, even as some are walking away from relationships. Authentic hospitality, enjoying shared interests together, even appropriate hugs never go out of style. Some of us may have gotten rusty in our relationship skills and coaching in community may help us get out of our rusty ruts. Creating a culture that includes singles and the bereaved makes sense when marriage is delayed, and the pandemic has taken so many. Perhaps it is time to think about how we may foster a community epidemic in a lonely, hostile, and divided nation.

____________________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher.

[Cheryl Bostrom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author Susan Mettes approaches the topic of loneliness as the superb researcher and behavioral scientist she is. Which means that she's filled the pages with truckloads of data and summary analyses about loneliness.

After all that info percolated in me for a couple of weeks, I realized that Mettes's research had worked its magic. I found myself returning to her surprising information about loneliness, and it built curiosity in me, evoked empathy in me for the lonely everywhere among us. It showed me new places to find lonely people, and caused me to question blanket assumptions about who is lonely and who isn't.

Mettes carried me into the world of the lonely, a world which I sometimes inhabit, and gave me sharpened eyesight and a determination to pay attention, to love more deeply and meaningfully. She lit a fire of urgency in me—compelling me to reach out to the lonely in ways that will make a difference, not just to follow long-practiced protocols that don't actually reduce loneliness.

I do wish the advice offered to leaders in the last section of the book was as well fleshed out as her research. I found that section too slim.

Nonetheless, I trust that readers will find this book meaningful and worthwhile, as did I.

[Utah Kershner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was super insightful. A little bit heavier on the statistical side as the author shares lots of results from studies. But nonetheless, very helpful to understand more about the loneliness epidemic of this generation. Susan Mettes is also a believer. It’s not oversaturated, but you can definitely tell she thinks through things from a biblical perspective. it feels like a great balance of faith and science. This is highlighted by an entire appendix section at the end that expands on what the Bible says about loneliness. I enjoyed this book and though it took a little bit longer to get through the statistics and making sense of it all, I thought it was helpful. Anyone who works with teenagers/young adults in this generation should consider giving this a read.

[Jane Healy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mettes uses data from a Barna survey to dispel myths about loneliness. Loneliness is not necessarily felt only by the elderly, but mostly by younger people in times of transition. The book had some redundancy and felt a little longer than necessary, but it was thorough. Mettes gives guidance for church leaders on how to foster hospitality and inclusiveness to bring people out of loneliness and into community. Though aimed at churches, any type of organization desiring community building could benefit from reading this book.

[Conrade Yap · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is loneliness a problem? Consider the research data. A third of American adults admit they are frequently lonely. Within the past two decades, feelings of loneliness have more than doubled. Nearly half of all practicing Christian Millennials have experienced it too. Moreover, the problem is growing, not just in North America but globally. Come Winter, the problem deepens. Rates of depression and suicide continue to rise. Why is this happening? In short, it is due to a lack of meaningful relationships. In pre-pandemic days, loneliness has been a rising concern. In 2020 when the world goes into lockdown, everyone starts to talk about the challenges of loneliness and mental health. Research from the Barna group offers compelling evidence on the extent of the problem. This leads to several other problems such as the lack of intimacy, fewer trust relationships, isolated lives, and other crises pertaining to human relationships. So widespread is the problem that even churches are full of lonely people. So why are people lonely? How is it that even people of faith who go to Church can be lonely? What can we learn from the statistics gathered? How can we address this problem? Is loneliness a Western phenomenon or is it more global? In Part One, Author and Professor Susan Mettes defines loneliness as "the distress someone feels when their social connections don’t meet their need for emotional intimacy." She distinguishes this from "social isolation" and "solitude." The former is about circumstances often unforeseen. The latter is about being alone. In Part Two, Mettes goes into greater detail about factors influencing loneliness such as:

- AGE: It's a myth that older people are lonelier. Younger people are most lonely
- ROMANCE: It's a myth that those who found "true love" are not lonely. Poor quality relationships can lead to deeper levels of loneliness.
- INSECURITY: It's a myth that loneliness is due to poor social skills. In fact, feelings of insecurity are among the major reasons why people are afraid to connect or to open up.
- SOCIAL MEDIA: It's a myth that too much time online on social media makes one lonely. Truth is most people on social media are already lonely in the first place. Social media only accelerated that.
- FAITH AND CHURCH-GOING PEOPLE: It's a myth that Churchgoers are not lonely. Truth is, everyone regardless of faith is experiencing greater loneliness.
- PRIVACY: It's a myth to think that just because people are paying attention, we won't feel lonely. Sadly, our inability to differentiate attention from our intimacy creates uncertainty in our relationships.

In Part Three, Mettes suggests four ways to deal with this "loneliness epidemic."

1) Establish a sense of BELONGING
2) Cultivate CLOSENESS in relationships
3) Manage EXPECTATIONS of others and self
4) BREAK THE CYCLE of unhealthy stereotyping of what loneliness is, and what leaders could do.

My Thoughts
==============
Loneliness is a problem often swept under the carpet conveniently and frequently. Like an ostrich that buries its head upon seeing a dangerous predator, it is only a matter of time before the loneliness animal devours our self-esteem. That is why books like this are crucial wake-up calls to all. Supported by empirical data, coupled with decades of research, author Susan Mettes gives us a helpful understanding of the problem of loneliness, the pervasiveness of myths surrounding loneliness, and the need to do something about it. Let me address three groups of people facing loneliness and how this book can help them.

Firstly, for the general public, notice how the findings in the book transcend religion and generations. Just like how the coronavirus turned into a pandemic, it is hoped that the problem of loneliness will NOT mirror that. Otherwise, it is highly probable that if left unaddressed, such loneliness "epidemic" would accelerate toward a pandemic level. Mettes shows us how loneliness cuts across all age groups and religious affiliations. That brings us back to the problem of original sin, which essentially cuts off our relationship with God. Even Christians are still suffering from this state of brokenness.

Secondly, with the statistics clearly showing that younger people nowadays are much lonelier than others, the age-based data is a snapshot of the past few decades. This means that the curve would shift as the group ages. Thus, to say that young people now are loneliest does not necessarily mean the next generation's set of young people will be equally lonely. We still do not know how things will turn out. However, we can use this as a teaching tool to guide our education. How can we nurture those who are under 10? Can we learn the lessons today in order to help them cultivate healthy relationships? Churches should wake up and embrace this challenge. Young people ministry is never more urgent!

Finally, to leaders. It is well-known that those holding leadership positions tend to be lonely. It comes with the job. Thankfully, Mettes have some guidance for this group. Learn from Jesus, how he develops multiple friendships in spite of him being a sought-after Rabbi, Teacher, Master, and Leader. Adopt strict discipline in our use of technology. Fight against loneliness by participating in justice matters on behalf of communities. These and many more should make this book a powerful read and necessary resource to battle one of the biggest challenges of our generation, and generations to come.

Still, one of the best reminders that the author gives us is that we ought not see loneliness as altogether a bad thing. Out of such a state, we have seen tremendous creativity and honest reflections. The problem in our world is that the state of loneliness has tilted toward an unhealthy level. Our goal is not eradication nor balance. Our goal is the restoration of healthy relationships that recognize the need to push forward to meet or to pull back to rest.

Susan Mettes (MA, Duke University) is a behavioral scientist with extensive prior experience conducting research for faith-based organizations, including Barna Group, Thrivent Financial, and World Vision. She is an associate editor for Christianity Today magazine and has written dozens of articles for Christianity Today and other publications.

Rating: 4.75 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Brazos Press and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

[Mhughessc · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The Loneliness Epidemic", by Susan Mettes, covers a very timely topic. Now more than ever, people are feeling lonely and separated from others. Mettes does a good job of explaining why people are lonely and what can be done about it. She begins by disputing some popular myths about loneliness, such as that older people are the loneliest (not true!) and that social media makes loneliness worse (it actually helps!). Overall, I thought this was a helpful book, but the section in which Mettes explains how church leaders can help with this issue was too short and not as exhaustive as I would have hoped.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Josh Olds · Rating 4 out of 5]

When it comes to being lonely, you’re not alone. The Loneliness Epidemic begins with the numbers. 36% adults say they feel lonely sometimes or all the time. 34% of Americans aged 18-35 say they feel lonely frequently. In a recent Cigna study utilizing the UCLA Loneliness Scale, the majority of respondents would have been classified as lonely. Susan Mettes defines loneliness as “the distress someone feels when their social connections don’t meet their need for emotional intimacy.” Through the first couple of chapters, Mettes introduces us to the problem of loneliness: how it spreads, the physical and mental effects it can have, and what steps we can take to prevent it.

Before we get too far into solutions, however, The Loneliness Epidemic takes some time to bust some common myths regarding loneliness. Most of the research in The Loneliness Epidemic came from two surveys conducted by Barna Group. Each survey had about a thousand participants. One was completed between Feb 18 – March 4, 2020—right before COVID lockdowns. The second took place between April 28 – May 11, 2020. This is an important because it’s unclear, at least in the book, what difference might be between pre- and post- COVID responses. Obviously, Barna couldn’t predict a global lockdown, but it would have been interesting to see how respondents to the Feb-Mar survey might have answered in the Apr-May survey. The Loneliness Epidemic isn’t a book about the loneliness wrought by COVID, but given their timeframes for research, it is a glaring variable that I think should have received more attention.

The stereotypes that Mettes lists are: age (older adults are the loneliest), romance (people in happy romantic relationships aren’t lonely), insecurity (poor social skills cause loneliness), social media (time spent on social media causes loneliness), faith (churchgoing makes one less lonely), privacy (if people are paying attention to you, you won’t feel lonely). In each case, the research shows this to be a myth. It’s younger adults, navigating the changing social structure from childhood to adulthood, that are most lonely (or most likely to admit it). Neither romance nor churchgoing negates loneliness entirely. And so on.

The last part of the book then looks toward solutions. Mettes highlights the three areas of belonging, closeness, and expectations. Belonging is simply about finding a group to spend time and share ideas with. The book doesn’t explain it in these terms, but I like to use the concepts of shared space, shared ideas, and shared joys. Some friends are friends of location. You’re friends with them because they live down the street, are coworkers, attend your church. Other friends are likeminded, or enjoy the same foods or sports or television shows. It’s about anything that connects two people together. Closeness comes with the development of those relationships and involving hospitality, physical touch, and neighborliness. It’s about being in each other’s homes and group chats and cultivating connectedness. Expectation is about understanding other people and having a reasonable idea of what friendship is.

In the end, The Loneliness Epidemic is a bit generic. Nothing in it seemed unexpected or revolutionary. Then again, I am currently writing a doctoral dissertation on clergy loneliness so I have been absolutely steeped in the literature and that may contribute to the feeling. The device of myth-busting helps break down the commonly-held assumptions in a clear way. The solutions are also clear and simple—but maybe not as robust as I would have liked. The final chapter of The Loneliness Epidemic lists different ways church leaders can break the cycle and that chapter really should have been expanded to a whole section. Mettes focuses on the problem, sets some ideas for solutions in place, but I would liked to have seen more about how those solutions should play out.

[George P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

America is experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. Data from nations similar to the U.S. suggest that the epidemic is actually a global problem. And while it would be nice to blame loneliness on social restrictions related to COVID, the uptick in loneliness both here and abroad predates that pandemic.

In The Loneliness Epidemic, Susan Mettes marshals data from Barna Group, as well as other studies of the topic, to help “Christian leaders understand the landscape of loneliness, how to encourage others, and how to lead a community that deals with the threat and the fact of loneliness.”

Loneliness is often misunderstood. It is neither solitude nor social isolation. A person can be alone without feeling lonely, in other words. By the same token, however, a person can feel lonely even though they’re in the middle of crowd. That’s because loneliness, as Mettes defines it, is “the distress someone feels when their social connections don’t meet their need for emotional intimacy.”

How many Americans experience this distress? “One-third (33%) of US adults felt lonely at least every day in the winter of 2020, and a majority had felt lonely in the past week,” writes Mettes, drawing on Barna survey data. “About one in seven (14%) Americans indicated they felt lonely all the time.”

Loneliness is an “intense but not excruciating” experience for most lonely Americans. Approximately 10% of these people are “suffering deeply,” however, saying their pain is “unbearable.” One-in-ten doesn’t sound too bad, until you realize that it equals 10 million adults, “about the same as the number of Americans employed as educators,” Mettes points out.

Mettes works hard to dispel a number of myths about loneliness.

* “Older adults are the loneliest.”
* “People who have found true love aren’t lonely.”
* “Poor social skills are at the root of loneliness.”
* “People are lonely because they spend too much time on social media.”
* “Going to church makes people less lonely.”
* “When people are paying you attention, you won’t feel lonely.”

There is an element of truth in each of these myths, but the reality of loneliness is more complex than these oversimplifications.

Whatever the precise causes of loneliness, Mettes believes that three elements contribute to its cure in most people: belonging, closeness, and expectations. Belonging has to do with “strong, stable interpersonal relationships.” Closeness pertains to “physical closeness,” especially, and is best seen through the practices of hospitality, appropriate physical touch, and neighborliness. And expectations regard the norms that govern our relationships.

“Belonging and closeness boost our defenses against loneliness with higher-quality relationships,” Mettes writes. “But by adjusting our expectations, we can hope for realistic interactions, reducing the demand side of relationships that can otherwise lead to loneliness.”

I’ve highlighted the social science aspects of The Loneliness Epidemic, but Mettes does a good job integrating the science with Scripture. That integration bears fruit in an appendix titled, “What the Bible Says About Loneliness.” Enterprising pastors might use it as the outline of a sermon series on the topic.

I recommend The Loneliness Epidemic to Christian leaders, whether in churches, parachurch ministries, or secular professions. It clearly defines the nature and scope of an urgent problem and outlines practices leaders can realistically implement. “Loneliness is not a problem that can be solved by anything short of love,” Mettes writes.

Isn’t love the responsibility of every Christian (Matthew 22:37–40)? If so, then every Christian is a potential solution to at least someone’s loneliness.

Book Reviewed
Susan Mettes, The Loneliness Epidemic: Why So Many  of Us Feel Alone and How Leaders Can Respond (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2021).

P.S. If you liked my review, please click “Helpful” on my Amazon review page.

P.P.S. This review is cross-posted from InfluenceMagazine.com by permission.

[Patina Malinalli · Rating 4 out of 5]

I rate this book 4 stars! It definitely has a unique perspective and I found it extremely thorough and highly intriguing. Although it is does have some advice for Christian leaders, I feel it is applicable for all Christ-centered followers. It is not a self-help book, but a study on the attitude of loneliness. I would recommend this book for Christians who are seeking to reach out to the lonely in their communities. It is important to note that this author categorizes Christians based on how frequently they attend church and includes born-again Christians as an entirely separate category, rather than solely in 2 categories (whether you believe in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior - or not). If you do not believe in Christ as Lord and Savior, how frequently you attend religious services is irrelevant; although this does break the statistics up a bit.

- "Churches should spend at least the amount of energy to address loneliness as they do to get meals to new parents. Loneliness is a less simple burden, but we are to carry one another's burdens nevertheless." (p.15)
-"Loneliness has an economic cost in lost productivity, as well as sick days and earlier deaths. It takes a toll on problem-solving and saps our memories and decision-making abilities. In summary, chronic loneliness can be deadly, but it also makes us less healthy, less able to think, and more physically uncomfortable. There's a strong case to be made that governments, employers, and insurance companies should worry about increases in loneliness, if only for their own bottom line." (p.32)
- "Some people-many in the next generations-will never marry. The church has always held marriage up, as well it should. But the church has only intermittently honored and supported singleness, although it should have always taken its goodness seriously. Whether churches consider singleness a calling or a circumstance, they can't help singles with loneliness by trying to marry them off their whole lives. A lack of confidants is one difficulty that often accompanies singleness." (p.66)
- "In my research about loneliness, I've often come across a response I think deserves further reflection. The response is along these lines: [/i]It's offensive to say that loneliness and singleness are closely related.[/i]

[Ethan · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s not really a newsflash: our atomized society has led to significant increases in loneliness.

In The Loneliness Epidemic: Why So Many of Us Feel Alone and How Leaders Can Respond (galley received as part of early review program), Susan Mettes explores research from Barna about various groups and loneliness, explains the results, and considers what might be able to be done about it.

The author began with loneliness in America and defining loneliness, reminding everyone some solitude is good and healthy, but in our society a good number of people feel very much isolated and alone. She compares and contrasts the stereotypes about loneliness with what survey results show in terms of age, romance, insecurity, social media, faith, and privacy: the oldest prove more lonely than might have been imagined, as well as many within romantic relationships and even those who go to church, although churchgoing in general was associated with lower levels of loneliness.

She then considers what people can do in order to avoid or mitigate loneliness, and it involves finding one’s community into which one belongs, being close to a few but not necessarily many people, establishing healthy and appropriate expectations with oneself and one’s relationships, and encourages people in breaking out of a loneliness cycle.

The author also well noted how loneliness is not inherently a problem to solve; as Jesus left the crowds at times to go and pray to His Father alone, so we all could use a little time to ourselves. Yet, as with all things, a bit too much alone time, and social isolation, can prove extremely challenging and difficult for people to navigate, and the evidence for this is all around us.

Man was not made to be alone; our emphasis on (philosophical) liberalism and the elevation and exaltation of the individual inherent therein has, by necessity, loosened and frayed communal bonds, and we are being powerfully reminded how humans are indeed social creatures. Hopefully, at some point, our society in general will turn back toward community; until then, as Christians we do well to foster community among the people of God and make good on our professed association as brothers and sisters in Christ.

[Michele Morin · Rating 4 out of 5]

If it seems to you that loneliness is a bigger problem than it used to be, if you find yourself inexplicably feeling alone, it’s not your imagination. In cooperation with the Barna Group, Susan Mettes has done the research to compare “a more normal time” pre-pandemic with the spring of 2020 when our lives began to be impacted by COVID-19 era isolation and social distancing.

Any study of feelings presents the challenge of being subjective, but because it is a chronic problem (1 in 7 Americans is chronically lonely), and because the surgeon general declared loneliness a national epidemic, Mettes took on the task of interrogating America’s loneliness. She observed underneath our loneliness problem an intimacy problem. We have fewer trusted relationships than we used to, and our privileged lives have insulated us behind walls of privacy. Even church attendance is not the solution to loneliness church leaders might imagine.

With that in mind, The Loneliness Epidemic takes on the most common misconceptions about loneliness including the stereotypes about who is lonely and who isn’t. Speaking directly to church leadership, Mettes identifies belonging, closeness, and realistic expectations as a three-legged stool “holding up a surface that you can rest on and allowing your loneliness to subside.” (114) Remove or shorten any of the three legs, and the stool just won’t set well.

Wading through data and charts is definitely worth the effort when the conclusions come crashing in with relevance and hope. Because we have a long road ahead of us, there will be no quick fixes in the last chapter. Instead, we must look directly and fearlessly at loneliness and fortify relationships on every level, one broken barrier and one solid connection at a time.

Our relational God who made us in his own people-loving image holds all the answers to loneliness in his good hand. Our only comfort will ultimately be found in right relationship with him.

Many thanks to Brazos Press for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.

[Joel Wentz · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very clear presentation and breakdown of some interesting data. Not necessarily a gripping read, but a very helpful and useful book, especially for those in ministry leadership in the wake of the pandemic. Mettes adds some helpful nuances to assumptions we make about loneliness in our culture, and she challenges some popular misconceptions. Nothing is mind-blowing, per se, but again, it's a useful and very level-headed discussion of an important topic.

[Brandon Rathbun · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating books that are heavily based on Barna Research is hard. The research is always stupendous and insightful but it usually leads to the author regurgitating the information and makes me feel like I’m reading a research paper.
Parts of this book were good.
For the most part, a majority of the book could be condensed.
A potential read could read The summaries at the end of the chapters (and the end of the book) and get the idea (obviously without the depth though).

[Josh Trice · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are helpful thoughts, conclusions and guides in here. But, while reading, I often found myself having a hard time following the writing point to point. It wasn’t the clearest writing and, when dealing with statistics, came off very dry at times.

By no means was it unenjoyable, I just think it could’ve been better!

Worth a skim, not sure I’d read it through again.

[April Yamasaki · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource to help churches and leaders respond to loneliness. See my full review, What Can Leaders and Churches Do to Respond to Loneliness?

[Trâm · Rating 2 out of 5]

Susan knows how to write about loneliness that it feels palpable that I kept wishing for her to give out some ready made solutions. But I guess the complexity of the issue at hand is why we, as a society, have been captured by loneliness the phenomenon for far too long already.

[Trevor Atwood]

Good reference book. Packed with stats

[Ethan Callison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really helped set straight some myths to loneliness as well as give course correctors to help combaten the loneliness amongst mankind!

[Andrew Micah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valuable information, good insights, realistic and balanced.