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First Comes Love
Tom Rasmussen finds themselves straddling two camps, that of their Northern, working class family for whom marriage is the centrepiece of life, and as a male-bodied, non-binary queer in a relationship with a man.
Through journeys to wildly different weddings ranging from the most traditional to the unrecognizably unorthodox, visits to wedding planners, interviews of the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry over lockdown, or those who would never consider matrimony, these incisive witty and often moving essays look at marriage as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, and a practical solution. They examine what marriage means, along the whole spectrum of sexuality, for the working class, the middle class, the upper class and what the future looks like for marriage, the most historic and universal of institutions.
Can Tom have the wedding of their dreams in a white Vera Wang dress while their family dabs at their eyes around them - or is it appropriate to reject this heteronormative ritual? Is there a way to reconcile the two without letting either down? And moreover, can any of us with any sense, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, justify it? What is marriage good for - and if the answer is absolutely nothing, why are still so obsessed with it?
Through journeys to wildly different weddings ranging from the most traditional to the unrecognizably unorthodox, visits to wedding planners, interviews of the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry over lockdown, or those who would never consider matrimony, these incisive witty and often moving essays look at marriage as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, and a practical solution. They examine what marriage means, along the whole spectrum of sexuality, for the working class, the middle class, the upper class and what the future looks like for marriage, the most historic and universal of institutions.
Can Tom have the wedding of their dreams in a white Vera Wang dress while their family dabs at their eyes around them - or is it appropriate to reject this heteronormative ritual? Is there a way to reconcile the two without letting either down? And moreover, can any of us with any sense, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, justify it? What is marriage good for - and if the answer is absolutely nothing, why are still so obsessed with it?
288 pages, Hardcover
First published June 8, 2021
13 people are currently reading
1410 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
July 12, 2021
I have such mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, it is an incredibly insightful queer take on marriage, an institution that I’ve only grown more wary of in recent years. Is marriage really an achievement? Rasmussen articulates clearly and compellingly the myriad ways we can express love and commitment independent of this heteronormative practice, whilst always acknowledging and interrogating their own paradoxical yearning for marriage.
First Comes Love also affords interesting glimpses into the politics of marriage I had not entirely considered, such as how a legal contract of monogamy is one way the government relieves itself of caring for the elderly. In sickness and in health, you know?
What is most telling for me when reading is whether the material retains my interest, and this one did not. Whilst I agree with many of the sentiments, in a few instances I found this somewhat sanctimonious. I would have appreciated a more balanced, or at least diplomatic, argument. The writing at times is verbose and whilst I found it engaging initially, it became a little repetitive, enough so that I called it halfway.
If you would like a crash course into the politics of marriage in the modern world, I highly recommend this video by Lena Norms.
With thanks to the publisher for the proof copy.
First Comes Love also affords interesting glimpses into the politics of marriage I had not entirely considered, such as how a legal contract of monogamy is one way the government relieves itself of caring for the elderly. In sickness and in health, you know?
What is most telling for me when reading is whether the material retains my interest, and this one did not. Whilst I agree with many of the sentiments, in a few instances I found this somewhat sanctimonious. I would have appreciated a more balanced, or at least diplomatic, argument. The writing at times is verbose and whilst I found it engaging initially, it became a little repetitive, enough so that I called it halfway.
If you would like a crash course into the politics of marriage in the modern world, I highly recommend this video by Lena Norms.
With thanks to the publisher for the proof copy.
April 23, 2024
Felt like a great chat with a great really well informed but also very funny pal. Opened up a lot of feelings and questions I didn’t even really think to ask. And love that it doesn’t try to give u the answers. Did a lot of out loud cackling in public by myself again
July 16, 2021
THIS BOOK WAS BRILLIANT.
June 14, 2021
Thanks to Bloomsbury and NetGalley for an e-ARC of this book.
I read the author's other book - Diary of a Drag Queen - last year and was really looking forward to this book. It definitely delivered.
The book is part memoir, part interview, part discussion piece and it talks about what marriage - traditionally a heterosexual construct - might mean nowadays not only to the straights, but also to LGBT+ people, non binary people and polyamorous relationships. There are plenty of interviews with people from across the sexuality and gender spectrums that showed how marriage was or wasn't something they felt able to engage with.
The author has a dilemma in that they come from a background where all their friends and family are or are getting married and they kind of want to marry their boyfriend, but at the same time they don't want to buy into an institution that has traditionally has been exclusionary and just generally not great for anyone who isn't a cishet dude.
The author has such a sharp turn of phrase - I loved it. Even though at times there was some repetition as to his dilemma ('I want to get married. But I don't believe in marriage. But I want to get married.') the text never felt stale.
I think they key audience would be anyone who doesn't place as cishet on the gender/sexuality spectrum, but really I'd recommend this for anyone.
I read the author's other book - Diary of a Drag Queen - last year and was really looking forward to this book. It definitely delivered.
The book is part memoir, part interview, part discussion piece and it talks about what marriage - traditionally a heterosexual construct - might mean nowadays not only to the straights, but also to LGBT+ people, non binary people and polyamorous relationships. There are plenty of interviews with people from across the sexuality and gender spectrums that showed how marriage was or wasn't something they felt able to engage with.
The author has a dilemma in that they come from a background where all their friends and family are or are getting married and they kind of want to marry their boyfriend, but at the same time they don't want to buy into an institution that has traditionally has been exclusionary and just generally not great for anyone who isn't a cishet dude.
The author has such a sharp turn of phrase - I loved it. Even though at times there was some repetition as to his dilemma ('I want to get married. But I don't believe in marriage. But I want to get married.') the text never felt stale.
I think they key audience would be anyone who doesn't place as cishet on the gender/sexuality spectrum, but really I'd recommend this for anyone.
May 13, 2021
This was a fresh and welcome take on marriage. From early childhood perceptions, media/tv portrayals, friends takes and everything else in between. Honest, fresh and very modern. My favourite bit was the Sex & The City section, was envious and intrigued. Interesting read.
May 2, 2021
First Comes Love is an exploration of modern marriage, not-marriage, and everything in between, considering how it relates to sexuality and class and gender and what marriage really means to people. Tom Rasmussen considers their own relationship, what it's like going to weddings as a non-binary person, and how various queer (and straight) friends and acquaintances relate or don't relate to marriage, as the book takes a journey through what marriage might be currently and whether it is all it's cracked up to be.
Part-personal memoir/essay and part-discussion of marriage history and interviews with other people, this book provides an interesting look at what marriage might mean to different people, including open marriages, polyamorous relationships, and people who choose not to get married. Written by a non-binary author, the book also looks at the history of equal marriage, what it means, and briefly touches on where it falls down (trans people face huge difficulties with marriage, especially if they want to be seen as the right gender in the eyes of the law when getting married or transition whilst married).
The look at less traditional relationships will probably be a selling point for many people picking up the book (it was for me) and even better than hearing different people's stories is hearing from Rasmussen about their own thought processes around marriage, and how these thoughts intersect with class and queerness. The book doesn't have a simple answer about marriage and its pros and cons, or whether it is still necessary (though some of the legal protections might suggests sometimes it is, and other times it gets in the way of other areas of life), and that feels important, perhaps opening some readers' eyes to really consider what the point of getting married is. The closing chapter is particularly powerful, a consideration of the need for an audience looking at your own relationships and how lockdown changed this, raising the question of if marriage is focused on what other people see, rather than your own private relationship.
If there's anything I would've liked more of, it would've been a bit more of a look at asexuality and relationships that wasn't about someone who married a ghost (there is one other mention of asexuality I think, but partly about the author being confused about it), though as this isn't something the author personally has experience of I can see how it doesn't fit so well into their journey.
I've never read a book about marriage before (I was drawn to this one by the author and the fact they look at varied ways of being together) and this book doesn't need you to have thought about it much (or, alternatively, you might've thought about marriage a lot): it explores people's experiences (obviously, it can only fit in so many) and also one person's journey to consider what marriage might mean to them. Ultimately, it's a sweet look at how varied relationships can be and an interesting exploration of what marriage is in the modern day.
Part-personal memoir/essay and part-discussion of marriage history and interviews with other people, this book provides an interesting look at what marriage might mean to different people, including open marriages, polyamorous relationships, and people who choose not to get married. Written by a non-binary author, the book also looks at the history of equal marriage, what it means, and briefly touches on where it falls down (trans people face huge difficulties with marriage, especially if they want to be seen as the right gender in the eyes of the law when getting married or transition whilst married).
The look at less traditional relationships will probably be a selling point for many people picking up the book (it was for me) and even better than hearing different people's stories is hearing from Rasmussen about their own thought processes around marriage, and how these thoughts intersect with class and queerness. The book doesn't have a simple answer about marriage and its pros and cons, or whether it is still necessary (though some of the legal protections might suggests sometimes it is, and other times it gets in the way of other areas of life), and that feels important, perhaps opening some readers' eyes to really consider what the point of getting married is. The closing chapter is particularly powerful, a consideration of the need for an audience looking at your own relationships and how lockdown changed this, raising the question of if marriage is focused on what other people see, rather than your own private relationship.
If there's anything I would've liked more of, it would've been a bit more of a look at asexuality and relationships that wasn't about someone who married a ghost (there is one other mention of asexuality I think, but partly about the author being confused about it), though as this isn't something the author personally has experience of I can see how it doesn't fit so well into their journey.
I've never read a book about marriage before (I was drawn to this one by the author and the fact they look at varied ways of being together) and this book doesn't need you to have thought about it much (or, alternatively, you might've thought about marriage a lot): it explores people's experiences (obviously, it can only fit in so many) and also one person's journey to consider what marriage might mean to them. Ultimately, it's a sweet look at how varied relationships can be and an interesting exploration of what marriage is in the modern day.
January 5, 2022
This book provided such a thoughtful exploration of marriage which certainly a tradition that I have begun to question in recent years. This book certainly posed many questions that I myself had been asking and additional new perspectives that I had not engaged with until now. The wide variety of opinions and experiences included made the writing particularly engaging and intruiging.
I really enjoyed the humour that Tom brings to the book along with his witty anecdotes. It is nothing like I have read before and I would urge everyone to read it. I truly believe that everyone could gain something from this compelling read.
I really enjoyed the humour that Tom brings to the book along with his witty anecdotes. It is nothing like I have read before and I would urge everyone to read it. I truly believe that everyone could gain something from this compelling read.
October 21, 2022
Mostly good stuff. I would like a deeper look at the way we define marriage. I would also like more time spent on divorce. I loved having a queer perspective of marriage - Tom looks at things in a way it was important for me to consider - but I would love to read the same book from the perspective of a cishet woman too, because I think it would probably relate to my experience more.
July 8, 2025
Interesting and eye-opening - it's really a tour of marriage and matrimony (and also weddings) that covers a lot of ground.
However, it quickly turned into a lot of repeats throughout. It wouldn't really be an issue if these repeats happened across chapters/essays, but when they start happening in the same chapter just a few pages or even paragraphs across, it starts to devolve as a read for me...and there's a lot of this in this book. I also loved the voice and tone and humour of the first chapter, but sadly, this was lacking if not hit & miss in the rest of the pages.
Still, it's novel and fresh in the sense there isn't a lot of books written by non-binary individuals out there
However, it quickly turned into a lot of repeats throughout. It wouldn't really be an issue if these repeats happened across chapters/essays, but when they start happening in the same chapter just a few pages or even paragraphs across, it starts to devolve as a read for me...and there's a lot of this in this book. I also loved the voice and tone and humour of the first chapter, but sadly, this was lacking if not hit & miss in the rest of the pages.
Still, it's novel and fresh in the sense there isn't a lot of books written by non-binary individuals out there
April 12, 2022
Maybe 4.5? My pacing didn’t do this one justice. There was some rambling, but holy heck I love their writing.
June 24, 2022
Refreshing to finally find a book on this topic which covers a lot of the challenges I’ve considered myself around marriage. Tom is not afraid of analysing, interrogating and challenging traditional viewpoints, whilst also maintaining an element of compassion and understanding for those who hold them.
In particular, the book is really well researched. It covers a lot on LGBTQ+ perspectives but as a heterosexual cis woman, I also found aspects and stories to identify with as well (and having grown up at a similar time, could identify with a lot of the references to pop culture that the author added).
I would have found it a bit easier if there were more subheadings to break up and sign post certain ideas throughout the chapters - but appreciate I’m a very structured person and others might enjoy the winding conversational style more - it just felt a tiny bit repetitive at times and clearly signposting the argument of each subsection could have addressed this.
Overall definitely recommend and will be passing it round my friends!
In particular, the book is really well researched. It covers a lot on LGBTQ+ perspectives but as a heterosexual cis woman, I also found aspects and stories to identify with as well (and having grown up at a similar time, could identify with a lot of the references to pop culture that the author added).
I would have found it a bit easier if there were more subheadings to break up and sign post certain ideas throughout the chapters - but appreciate I’m a very structured person and others might enjoy the winding conversational style more - it just felt a tiny bit repetitive at times and clearly signposting the argument of each subsection could have addressed this.
Overall definitely recommend and will be passing it round my friends!
August 31, 2021
Interesting concept but it didn't delve enough into alternative choices and following the interviews through/ pros and cons of each. I don't think it was structured in the correct way for me - think I was expecting something more analytical. Some nice quotes in there though and reflection by the author
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 6, 2022
This is a reading I'd better skipped, but I followed through because I enjoyed the amusing writing &cynical verses.
Does marriage oppose self-love? If not for societal pressure, gained legalities, family acceptance, ..., would anyone get married at all? The book gives you approximative answers, that Muslims do not need.
Does marriage oppose self-love? If not for societal pressure, gained legalities, family acceptance, ..., would anyone get married at all? The book gives you approximative answers, that Muslims do not need.
February 5, 2023
Recommended by the lovely Leena Norms
As one of many girls growing up on a steady diet of rom-coms and Don't Tell the Bride, marriage was always something that I expected absolutely without question. So of course, I had to question it. This book discusses the law in the UK and US within marriage; how as an institution it as much about the people who are left out as it is those who are oppressed within it. Many of the points Rasmussen raises and questions he asks are deeply surprising and thought-provoking:
- "Do you really want a marriage, or do you just want a wedding?" (like in 27 dresses!)
- Marriage is often about performing your love, more so than practicing it. Contrary to this, divorce should be seen as good thing, rather than a " fall from grace to those around them". We need to be more accepting of how people do simply grow apart, the UK only introduced the No Fault Divorce Bill in 2020!
- Many laws cited in this book are shocking: until 1991 martial rape in the UK was legal!
- He even makes an interesting point that marriage is encouraged by the state, as a population married off in two by two does not need to be provided for with as extensive public services.
"Is that all weddings are? Audiences validating your love?" I Expected love it to be big declarations, ineffable emotions, ridiculous gestures - but in reality love lives far away from that ... it's not big, it's not great, it is very small."
I rarely say this, but everyone in their 20s should read this book. I am a little sick of our culture that is all about engagement rings and wedding dresses, nobody gives any thought to the law of the institution they will be living in by the legal contract they are signing until they reach their divorce. Not to mention that even in our age of hallmark movies and rom-coms, transactional marriages still very much exist, however much people pretend it is only ever love. This book digs beneath the show of marriage into what it really means for your life; answers that you don't generally get from people in your life, and certainly do not get from media.
4.75 Stars.
As one of many girls growing up on a steady diet of rom-coms and Don't Tell the Bride, marriage was always something that I expected absolutely without question. So of course, I had to question it. This book discusses the law in the UK and US within marriage; how as an institution it as much about the people who are left out as it is those who are oppressed within it. Many of the points Rasmussen raises and questions he asks are deeply surprising and thought-provoking:
- "Do you really want a marriage, or do you just want a wedding?" (like in 27 dresses!)
- Marriage is often about performing your love, more so than practicing it. Contrary to this, divorce should be seen as good thing, rather than a " fall from grace to those around them". We need to be more accepting of how people do simply grow apart, the UK only introduced the No Fault Divorce Bill in 2020!
- Many laws cited in this book are shocking: until 1991 martial rape in the UK was legal!
- He even makes an interesting point that marriage is encouraged by the state, as a population married off in two by two does not need to be provided for with as extensive public services.
"Is that all weddings are? Audiences validating your love?" I Expected love it to be big declarations, ineffable emotions, ridiculous gestures - but in reality love lives far away from that ... it's not big, it's not great, it is very small."
I rarely say this, but everyone in their 20s should read this book. I am a little sick of our culture that is all about engagement rings and wedding dresses, nobody gives any thought to the law of the institution they will be living in by the legal contract they are signing until they reach their divorce. Not to mention that even in our age of hallmark movies and rom-coms, transactional marriages still very much exist, however much people pretend it is only ever love. This book digs beneath the show of marriage into what it really means for your life; answers that you don't generally get from people in your life, and certainly do not get from media.
4.75 Stars.
May 26, 2021
Thanks to NetGalley + Bloomsbury for an eARC in exchange for review.
I really enjoyed this, it's a bit of a deep dive into all the questions no one really seems to ask about marriage, all from a queer perspective. The assimilation of queer people into the very capitalist, heteronormative (and previously racist and classist) idyll of marriage is something I am skeptical of, and this definitely validated a lot of that point of view while also acknowledging that this socialisation/ritual can also be very important to people. The author manages to relate to everyone's view of marriage - they're a non-binary drag queen who grew up religious and are still a little bit wed to the idea - and I thought that was a really great and empathetic angle to approach this subject from, given how personal it can be.
The conversation around whether assimilating some queerness will leave other, less "acceptable" queers behind vs. queering marriage from inside the convention is interesting, and I enjoyed the interviews with people doing the latter with open or polyamorous marriages. I also loved the chapter on divorce, I know truly nothing about it, and it astounded me how expensive it can be and how even nowadays people can be trapped in marriages simply because they don't have the financial means to get out of them. The concept of marriage as stability goes out the window in those kinds of situations, and they're really not talked about enough.
This book explores both the legal and structural aspects of marriage alongside the personal, social and emotional aspects, weddings vs. marriage and the idea of love as performance for an audience and much more. It's also written engagingly and is very funny, I would recommend picking it up if you too have Many Complex Thoughts about marriage, if only to know that someone else is asking those questions too.
I really enjoyed this, it's a bit of a deep dive into all the questions no one really seems to ask about marriage, all from a queer perspective. The assimilation of queer people into the very capitalist, heteronormative (and previously racist and classist) idyll of marriage is something I am skeptical of, and this definitely validated a lot of that point of view while also acknowledging that this socialisation/ritual can also be very important to people. The author manages to relate to everyone's view of marriage - they're a non-binary drag queen who grew up religious and are still a little bit wed to the idea - and I thought that was a really great and empathetic angle to approach this subject from, given how personal it can be.
The conversation around whether assimilating some queerness will leave other, less "acceptable" queers behind vs. queering marriage from inside the convention is interesting, and I enjoyed the interviews with people doing the latter with open or polyamorous marriages. I also loved the chapter on divorce, I know truly nothing about it, and it astounded me how expensive it can be and how even nowadays people can be trapped in marriages simply because they don't have the financial means to get out of them. The concept of marriage as stability goes out the window in those kinds of situations, and they're really not talked about enough.
This book explores both the legal and structural aspects of marriage alongside the personal, social and emotional aspects, weddings vs. marriage and the idea of love as performance for an audience and much more. It's also written engagingly and is very funny, I would recommend picking it up if you too have Many Complex Thoughts about marriage, if only to know that someone else is asking those questions too.
July 12, 2021
It is a CRIME that more people have not read this book. I hate when reviews use the word “refreshing” but it’s so perfect to describe this exploration of marriage. I won’t lie, my knowledge and interest on the topic of marriage starts and ends with occasionally watching Don’t Tell The Bride whilst hungover, but First Comes Love echoes the conversations and conflicts that I know myself and many people have surrounding marriage and weddings, and how they stand up in our modern world. First Comes Love touches on soooo many different topics and from so many different angles. It somehow manages to be extremely personal and vastly empathetic, from honest and intimate moments of his own life and conflicting thoughts on marriage, to interviews from people of all walks of life. As a queer, non-binary, working class person from the north who also can’t make their mind up about marriage, I was moved by the relatability and honesty, Rasmussen brings a point of view that I saw a lot of myself in, and rarely see portrayed. This book will teach you about the history of marriage in the UK, queer marriage, queer identity, the environmental impact of the wedding industry, marriage in relation to class, wealth and status, polyamory, self marriage, and how religion and the state play a massive role. Overall just incredibly interesting and unexpectedly addictive.
March 21, 2024
Ok this was a super fast read and the author is very funny.
“Why get married at all? Better still, why live in a marriage system? Why, in any case, does the state need to regulate a largely private part of our lives?”
This book has a lot of interesting insights about the patriarchal and conservative history of marriage -mainly in the UK and US- and its link to religion.
I was already expecting and really liked the inclusivity, the myriad ways of being together were showcased from asexual couples to people in polyamorous relationships.
“Being an unmarried heterosexual is a choice; being unable to marry is not.”
“Love and the state are two completely different things, human relationships and their regulation by law are not synonymous. One is felt, one is created in order to control.”
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to get married to think about it more critically, because I really think that the author does a good job questioning the status quo while remaining compassionate.
The last chapter was especially interesting about the performative aspect of marriage and weddings and the need to have an audience to our love.
“Perhaps it’s about asking yourself this question: if I were to be married, would I continue to fight for the liberation and protection of those whom the system which I am benefitting from fails?”
“Why get married at all? Better still, why live in a marriage system? Why, in any case, does the state need to regulate a largely private part of our lives?”
This book has a lot of interesting insights about the patriarchal and conservative history of marriage -mainly in the UK and US- and its link to religion.
I was already expecting and really liked the inclusivity, the myriad ways of being together were showcased from asexual couples to people in polyamorous relationships.
“Being an unmarried heterosexual is a choice; being unable to marry is not.”
“Love and the state are two completely different things, human relationships and their regulation by law are not synonymous. One is felt, one is created in order to control.”
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to get married to think about it more critically, because I really think that the author does a good job questioning the status quo while remaining compassionate.
The last chapter was especially interesting about the performative aspect of marriage and weddings and the need to have an audience to our love.
“Perhaps it’s about asking yourself this question: if I were to be married, would I continue to fight for the liberation and protection of those whom the system which I am benefitting from fails?”
September 2, 2025
feeling sentimental :')
devoured this - made me think lots of thoughts about what marriage might mean in the year of our lord 2025.
want to read more michelle tea and clare chambers' 'against marriage' now.
definitely didn't need the westboro baptist church interview pls pls pls stop giving them air time damn u louis theroux.
sparked a lovely conversation with mum and dad and discovered they married a year earlier than planned for money reasons and that mum was elected bride of the year in the rutland times 1994 which is pretty mega.
this was exactly what i wanted it to be - very light easy reading about a big messy topic. really appreciated the inclusion of many many different perspectives and tom's good humoured challenging of them. i looove sitting in the grey area. man i think it depends.
also spoilers for sex and the city the movie !!!
devoured this - made me think lots of thoughts about what marriage might mean in the year of our lord 2025.
want to read more michelle tea and clare chambers' 'against marriage' now.
definitely didn't need the westboro baptist church interview pls pls pls stop giving them air time damn u louis theroux.
sparked a lovely conversation with mum and dad and discovered they married a year earlier than planned for money reasons and that mum was elected bride of the year in the rutland times 1994 which is pretty mega.
this was exactly what i wanted it to be - very light easy reading about a big messy topic. really appreciated the inclusion of many many different perspectives and tom's good humoured challenging of them. i looove sitting in the grey area. man i think it depends.
also spoilers for sex and the city the movie !!!
July 29, 2024
I don't think I'm cool and radical enough to get fully on board with a lot of the ideas in this book lol - if other people want to do polyamory then go off I guess, but almost everyone practicing it in these accounts sounded frankly miserable, and that's in a book that is largely pro-alternative-relationship-structures. I also found the ending to be a big anticlimax. I'd have rather not had the attempt at a central narrative thread at all than all that buildup to essentially no conclusion. A lot of this is on me, though! I was expecting a sort of queer version of a marriage prep course with a bit of history thrown in, and I should have paid more attention to the blurb!
However, I enjoyed the unapologetically gay writing style, and also found a lot of the content interesting even if not very relevant to me - particularly the later chapters on religion and divorce. I also thought that a lot of attention was given to the impact of class on how we look at weddings and marriage, which I valued. Overall, this wasn't aimed at me as much as I thought it would be, but it was eye-opening, and I think everyone could do with a little eye-opening on these topics!
However, I enjoyed the unapologetically gay writing style, and also found a lot of the content interesting even if not very relevant to me - particularly the later chapters on religion and divorce. I also thought that a lot of attention was given to the impact of class on how we look at weddings and marriage, which I valued. Overall, this wasn't aimed at me as much as I thought it would be, but it was eye-opening, and I think everyone could do with a little eye-opening on these topics!
January 23, 2022
My my, how I adored this. Did such a wonderful, empathetic and accessible job of analysing all the complexity of relationships, partnerships and marriage. I've always held similarly mixed up and contradictory views on the topic and this really dug into them. Can't recommend enough, especially if you think you wanna get married.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 27, 2024
I quite enjoyed all the different views for marriage. Different angles,reasons, history and how it all still affects our days. So many questions were asked, but there wasn't any clear answer just a wide variety of answers. Refreshing that the institute of marriage was questioned. Doesn't give you answers but makes you find your own answers about the subject.
September 2, 2021
This book is engaging and important. It provides intriguing interviews and insights about marriage and wrestles with the ideas surrounding weddings, marriage, relationships, and divorce in a way that aids the reader in their own questioning.
June 6, 2025
Some of this felt like it didn’t apply to me, but I resonated with a lot of it and the author is hilarious. Loved the deeper look into “why” we get married / have weddings and what motivates people towards certain weddings / relationships
August 29, 2021
Fascinating, thoughtful, provoking, balanced, funny, well-researched. Really recommended.
September 13, 2021
This book was extremely interesting and I would recommend it to people that want to get married or don't or who's pressured to get married. It gave a lot of fruit for thought.
February 13, 2022
Definitely worth a read for anyone who wants a view on today's relevance of marriage. This book made me think and challenge my thoughts on all things marriage and society.
dnf
April 29, 2022DNF @ page 42
Feel like I’m not in the right headspace to read this, so DNFing it for now and will come back to it later on
Feel like I’m not in the right headspace to read this, so DNFing it for now and will come back to it later on
November 28, 2022
One of the best, most thoughtful books I've ever read.
February 27, 2023
I’ve not read a book by a Northern non binary queer drag Queen before but this was v enjoyable
Love the serious sentences ending w lol, v relatable
Love the serious sentences ending w lol, v relatable
June 18, 2023
good discussions on marriages and connection with queer relationships
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews