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Mental Lithium Love and Losing My Mind
A riveting memoir and a fascinating investigation of the history, uses, and controversies behind lithium, an essential medication for millions of people struggling with bipolar disorder, stemming from Jaime Lowe's sensational 2015 article in The New York Times Magazine "'I Don't Believe in God, but I believe in Lithium': My 20-year struggle with bipolar disorder."
It began with an insomniac summer in Los Angeles in 1993, when Jaime Lowe was just 16. She stopped sleeping and eating, and began to hallucinate--Michael Jackson wearing masks, demonically cackling Muppets, and faces in windows. She wrote manifestos and math equations in her diary, and infographics on her wall. Eventually hospitalized and diagnosed as bipolar, her prescribed medication was three pink pills -- lithium.
In Grand Delusions, Lowe shares her story of life-long episodic madness and the stability she found with lithium, as well as a journalistic exploration of the history and science of the mysterious element. She interviews scientists, psychiatrists, and patients to examine how effective lithium really is and how its side effects can be dangerous for long-term users. Lowe travels to the Bolivian salt mines that hold over half of the world's lithium reserves, as well as to rural America, where turn of the century lithium spas are still touted as a tonic to cure all ills.
At the heart of Grand Delusions is Lowe's personal story, detailing her experiences on and off lithium, and the mental health and personal struggles that have accompanied it. Most recently, the longterm effects of lithium have led to her kidney degradation. Now adjusting to new medication after 20 years of lithium, Lowe's pursuit of a stable life continues. Grand Delusions is eye-opening and powerful, tackling an illness and drug that has touched millions of lives and yet remains shrouded in social stigma. With unflinching honesty, Lowe allows us a clear-eyed view into her life, while also offering a compelling historical overview of one of mankind's oldest medical mysteries."
It began with an insomniac summer in Los Angeles in 1993, when Jaime Lowe was just 16. She stopped sleeping and eating, and began to hallucinate--Michael Jackson wearing masks, demonically cackling Muppets, and faces in windows. She wrote manifestos and math equations in her diary, and infographics on her wall. Eventually hospitalized and diagnosed as bipolar, her prescribed medication was three pink pills -- lithium.
In Grand Delusions, Lowe shares her story of life-long episodic madness and the stability she found with lithium, as well as a journalistic exploration of the history and science of the mysterious element. She interviews scientists, psychiatrists, and patients to examine how effective lithium really is and how its side effects can be dangerous for long-term users. Lowe travels to the Bolivian salt mines that hold over half of the world's lithium reserves, as well as to rural America, where turn of the century lithium spas are still touted as a tonic to cure all ills.
At the heart of Grand Delusions is Lowe's personal story, detailing her experiences on and off lithium, and the mental health and personal struggles that have accompanied it. Most recently, the longterm effects of lithium have led to her kidney degradation. Now adjusting to new medication after 20 years of lithium, Lowe's pursuit of a stable life continues. Grand Delusions is eye-opening and powerful, tackling an illness and drug that has touched millions of lives and yet remains shrouded in social stigma. With unflinching honesty, Lowe allows us a clear-eyed view into her life, while also offering a compelling historical overview of one of mankind's oldest medical mysteries."
294 pages, Paperback
First published October 3, 2017
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September 24, 2017
Author Jaime Lowe candidly shares her true story of meeting the challenges of living with a serious mental illness (SMI). The amount of medication needed to function in a normal way, or like most people was really surprising. The pink pills on the debut cover of “Mental: Lithium, Love and Losing My Mind” appear rather unsettling in their actual form photographed in her open mouth, along with other pills. Lowe has done her research, and wrote about facing the challenges of functioning with a SMI, her diagnosis and therapy, the serious side effects of the meds, how she coped with family and friends treating her differently. Lowe also discussed mental health care in the USA, also Lithium, how it worked so well for her, until it didn’t.
After a severe psychotic breakdown that left her hospitalized, Lowe was later accepted at UC Davis. Before her first year of college she interned at the popular TV show “Hard Copy” and scooped ice cream at Ben and Jerry’s. By this time, her therapy and meds were stabilized, and she was able to finish college and move to NYC, to establish a career.
Grateful to her neighbors on the second floor for letting her stay with them, she sent them $700.00 USD of butternut squash and lavender hand cream, after her apartment unit was heavily damaged by a fire she had caused. After the fire, consulting with Dr. Swartz she realized she would need to go back on Lithium ASAP: Lowe wrote.… “And things got dark because I was getting better. The Lithium was working. And once again, I didn’t care how. I just noticed it brought me back. I could see clearly how I destroyed personal relationships, professional relationships; family members saw me in a different way; the world I came in contact with knew two different Jaime’s, a medicated one and a manic one…”
It was fairly challenging to establish herself as a professional writer, especially during an interview when she discouraged a prospective employer from hiring her. Eventually Lowe gained professional writing experience working for Men’s Journal and Sport’s Illustrated: she was able to travel, stayed on fine hotels, and had an expense account. Lowe didn’t feel she was a great sports writer; she hesitated to be defined by a particular genre-- such as essay, music or cultural themes. In 2005, she spotted Mike Tyson on one of her flights, they briefly spoke; he gave her his card and encouraged her to call.
A highlight of the book was when Lowe flew to the La Paz region in Bolivia. After adjusting to the altitude at 12,000 ft. above sea level—she flew to the Salar de Uyuni to tour the Bolivian state owned Lithium salt mines and plant. An estimated 50% of the worlds Lithium comes from this “nowhere zone that seemed to capture the beginning of time.” This was an unforgettable piece of detailed travel writing, and would have made a great conclusion to the book. However, there was more.
In Rome Lowe attended the 18th International Review of Psychosis and Bipolarity. This three day conference was attended by doctors and psychiatrists from all over the world. Lowe interviewed the 89 year old Dr. Jules Angst, a renowned expert in bipolarity. There was a larger volume of technical medical themed writing throughout the book. Lowe explained she didn’t have a serious romantic relationship until 2008-2009 when she was 32 years old. With Lowe’s SMI this was understandable--yet it doesn’t account for the overall lack of personal interactions and/or dialogue with others that make books of this nature truly memorable. Many personal photos (some with artistic themes) were included. 3.5* GOOD.
**With thanks and appreciation to Penguin Random House LLC via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
After a severe psychotic breakdown that left her hospitalized, Lowe was later accepted at UC Davis. Before her first year of college she interned at the popular TV show “Hard Copy” and scooped ice cream at Ben and Jerry’s. By this time, her therapy and meds were stabilized, and she was able to finish college and move to NYC, to establish a career.
Grateful to her neighbors on the second floor for letting her stay with them, she sent them $700.00 USD of butternut squash and lavender hand cream, after her apartment unit was heavily damaged by a fire she had caused. After the fire, consulting with Dr. Swartz she realized she would need to go back on Lithium ASAP: Lowe wrote.… “And things got dark because I was getting better. The Lithium was working. And once again, I didn’t care how. I just noticed it brought me back. I could see clearly how I destroyed personal relationships, professional relationships; family members saw me in a different way; the world I came in contact with knew two different Jaime’s, a medicated one and a manic one…”
It was fairly challenging to establish herself as a professional writer, especially during an interview when she discouraged a prospective employer from hiring her. Eventually Lowe gained professional writing experience working for Men’s Journal and Sport’s Illustrated: she was able to travel, stayed on fine hotels, and had an expense account. Lowe didn’t feel she was a great sports writer; she hesitated to be defined by a particular genre-- such as essay, music or cultural themes. In 2005, she spotted Mike Tyson on one of her flights, they briefly spoke; he gave her his card and encouraged her to call.
A highlight of the book was when Lowe flew to the La Paz region in Bolivia. After adjusting to the altitude at 12,000 ft. above sea level—she flew to the Salar de Uyuni to tour the Bolivian state owned Lithium salt mines and plant. An estimated 50% of the worlds Lithium comes from this “nowhere zone that seemed to capture the beginning of time.” This was an unforgettable piece of detailed travel writing, and would have made a great conclusion to the book. However, there was more.
In Rome Lowe attended the 18th International Review of Psychosis and Bipolarity. This three day conference was attended by doctors and psychiatrists from all over the world. Lowe interviewed the 89 year old Dr. Jules Angst, a renowned expert in bipolarity. There was a larger volume of technical medical themed writing throughout the book. Lowe explained she didn’t have a serious romantic relationship until 2008-2009 when she was 32 years old. With Lowe’s SMI this was understandable--yet it doesn’t account for the overall lack of personal interactions and/or dialogue with others that make books of this nature truly memorable. Many personal photos (some with artistic themes) were included. 3.5* GOOD.
**With thanks and appreciation to Penguin Random House LLC via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
October 5, 2017
I first thought this book was written by the brassiest writer ever but then realized she was describing herself in a manic state of grandiosity. The book goes on to provide not only her story, but her decades-long search for a drug or system that will manage a bipolar high. In this way, it's like Andrew Solomon's The Noonday Demon, which deals with his search for the system/medication that will manage his severe depression The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, or like the late, great Kate Millet's book [The Looney Bin Trip|21019422].
Solomon's book is very depressing to read, in my opinion, as you might imagine. Millet's book has more interesting remembered scenarios, but the author doesn't seem aware of them in her manic state.
Lowe's book, on the other hand, has florid descriptions of her behavior remembered from a time when her mind was calm, so the outrageous behavior is more descriptive and interesting. Like Solomon, she searches the world for remedies for bipolar 1, including visiting the lithium flats in Bolivia, the curative baths in Germany, and the home of her Jewish grandparents in Germany to test the theory of genetically influenced mental illness based on traumatic experiences of ancestors, which is an intriguing and probably yet unknowable thought. She discusses various medical treatments for manic episodes, such as lithium, which nicely controls bipolar thoughts and activities but causes kidney damage.
The book becomes a research into various psychotropic drugs and their virtues and shortcomings, which is quite exhaustive. She's an excellent writer taking on a daring assignment.
Solomon's book is very depressing to read, in my opinion, as you might imagine. Millet's book has more interesting remembered scenarios, but the author doesn't seem aware of them in her manic state.
Lowe's book, on the other hand, has florid descriptions of her behavior remembered from a time when her mind was calm, so the outrageous behavior is more descriptive and interesting. Like Solomon, she searches the world for remedies for bipolar 1, including visiting the lithium flats in Bolivia, the curative baths in Germany, and the home of her Jewish grandparents in Germany to test the theory of genetically influenced mental illness based on traumatic experiences of ancestors, which is an intriguing and probably yet unknowable thought. She discusses various medical treatments for manic episodes, such as lithium, which nicely controls bipolar thoughts and activities but causes kidney damage.
The book becomes a research into various psychotropic drugs and their virtues and shortcomings, which is quite exhaustive. She's an excellent writer taking on a daring assignment.
October 3, 2017
It seems that memoirs about dealing with mental illness are becoming proportionately as ubiquitous as the conditions themselves. Searching "mental health" in Amazon's biographies and memoirs category produces more than 5,000 results. At least anecdotally, such works coming into the mainstream seems to correspond with increasing public discussion of destigmatizing mental illness. In recounting her 20 years struggling with bipolar disorder in
Mental: Lithium, Love, and Losing My Mind
, Jaime Lowe not only discusses the condition but examines the treatment of choice.
Bipolar disorder, once known as manic depressive illness, usually first appears between the ages of 15 and 30, with 25 being the average age of onset. Lowe was an overachiever, with her first hospitalization for the condition occurring at age 16. Mental opens with a recounting of her first episode of extreme mania. As with other accounts, one wonders how someone who, to put it colloquially, is "out of their mind can accurately describe what happened. Lowe, though, says that because the experience was "real for me," she does remember and the incidents leave a feeling that "never fully dissipates."
While hospitalized, she was started on lithium, the first line treatment for bipolar disorder. What is more striking about this first hospitalization is not necessarily what led to it but the existential state in which she was left once well enough to be released.
Lowe recognizes these questions were too deep for her teenage mind to ponder for long. At the same time, she says, "I no longer had a baseline for reality or even a way to fully trust myself." And those existential questions, or at least their undercurrent, would not disappear.
Lowe was fortunate because lithium worked for her, allowing her to live and work without being overwhelmed by her condition. In late 1999, Lowe tapered off lithium after having taken it for six years. She began slipping into a manic state even before stopping the drug entirely and once full blown, it would take several months to convince her to go back on the drug. Again, she returned to comparatively normal life.
Still, her "normality" reflects one of the problems with the psychiatric memoir. As a college student, she lived in Edinburgh, Scotland, for a year studying art history. She's traveled to Turkey, Germany and Japan and enjoyed the nightlife and other things New York City had to offer while living and working there. To date, the memoir authors largely have been white and relatively privileged. We aren't hearing the experiences of those, minority or otherwise, who struggle to obtain treatment, let alone those who lack the resources, or the deinstitutionalized. Granted, this is not a problem cause by Lowe. In fact, near the end of Mental, she discusses the fact that while she spent more than $100,000 on outpatient psychiatric care in 18 years in New York City, some 43 million Americans don't have that option.
In 2014, Lowe encountered something many others who rely on lithium face -- kidney damage. Routine blood tests by her primary care physician ultimately revealed that two decades of lithium left her kidneys with only 48 percent function. "I had to choose between my kidneys or losing my sanity," she writes. Her need to search for a replacement treatment leads her to explore lithium itself. In doing so, Mental is uncommon.
As if infatuated by it, Lowe travels to lithium production sites in Nevada and Bolivia and spas with lithium in the water. She ultimately weaves together concise summaries of the history of treating mental illness, what lithium is, where it comes from and the history of its medical use. And, Lowe says, the nature of lithium creates a problem for patients. Lithium is one of the first three chemical elements created by the Big Bang. That means it can't be patented so, according to Lowe, there's no financial incentive to continue studying its effect on the brain. Lowe fortunately found another treatment that has worked, although the book recounts that it was far from a simple process.
As noted, Mental comes from the view of a privileged, white American, which is heightened here by a sense of New York City bohemian cool. Perhaps related to the latter, at times the tone is one of hip casualness and there are occasional clunkers ("temperament itself is so tempestuous"). Lowe also tends to wander or be a bit wordy in the last third of the book, delving into family history and other topics. The flaws, though, do not leave the book or its scope hollow. By going beyond the personal aspects of bipolar disorder, Lowe provides a rare perspective.
(Originally posted at A Progressive on the Prairie.)
Bipolar disorder, once known as manic depressive illness, usually first appears between the ages of 15 and 30, with 25 being the average age of onset. Lowe was an overachiever, with her first hospitalization for the condition occurring at age 16. Mental opens with a recounting of her first episode of extreme mania. As with other accounts, one wonders how someone who, to put it colloquially, is "out of their mind can accurately describe what happened. Lowe, though, says that because the experience was "real for me," she does remember and the incidents leave a feeling that "never fully dissipates."
While hospitalized, she was started on lithium, the first line treatment for bipolar disorder. What is more striking about this first hospitalization is not necessarily what led to it but the existential state in which she was left once well enough to be released.
Who was I if my actions and thoughts didn’t represent me? What if they did represent me? What if they were extensions of me, rooted in a subconscious realm? What if the me from before I was on lithium is the real me?
Lowe recognizes these questions were too deep for her teenage mind to ponder for long. At the same time, she says, "I no longer had a baseline for reality or even a way to fully trust myself." And those existential questions, or at least their undercurrent, would not disappear.
Lowe was fortunate because lithium worked for her, allowing her to live and work without being overwhelmed by her condition. In late 1999, Lowe tapered off lithium after having taken it for six years. She began slipping into a manic state even before stopping the drug entirely and once full blown, it would take several months to convince her to go back on the drug. Again, she returned to comparatively normal life.
Still, her "normality" reflects one of the problems with the psychiatric memoir. As a college student, she lived in Edinburgh, Scotland, for a year studying art history. She's traveled to Turkey, Germany and Japan and enjoyed the nightlife and other things New York City had to offer while living and working there. To date, the memoir authors largely have been white and relatively privileged. We aren't hearing the experiences of those, minority or otherwise, who struggle to obtain treatment, let alone those who lack the resources, or the deinstitutionalized. Granted, this is not a problem cause by Lowe. In fact, near the end of Mental, she discusses the fact that while she spent more than $100,000 on outpatient psychiatric care in 18 years in New York City, some 43 million Americans don't have that option.
In 2014, Lowe encountered something many others who rely on lithium face -- kidney damage. Routine blood tests by her primary care physician ultimately revealed that two decades of lithium left her kidneys with only 48 percent function. "I had to choose between my kidneys or losing my sanity," she writes. Her need to search for a replacement treatment leads her to explore lithium itself. In doing so, Mental is uncommon.
As if infatuated by it, Lowe travels to lithium production sites in Nevada and Bolivia and spas with lithium in the water. She ultimately weaves together concise summaries of the history of treating mental illness, what lithium is, where it comes from and the history of its medical use. And, Lowe says, the nature of lithium creates a problem for patients. Lithium is one of the first three chemical elements created by the Big Bang. That means it can't be patented so, according to Lowe, there's no financial incentive to continue studying its effect on the brain. Lowe fortunately found another treatment that has worked, although the book recounts that it was far from a simple process.
As noted, Mental comes from the view of a privileged, white American, which is heightened here by a sense of New York City bohemian cool. Perhaps related to the latter, at times the tone is one of hip casualness and there are occasional clunkers ("temperament itself is so tempestuous"). Lowe also tends to wander or be a bit wordy in the last third of the book, delving into family history and other topics. The flaws, though, do not leave the book or its scope hollow. By going beyond the personal aspects of bipolar disorder, Lowe provides a rare perspective.
(Originally posted at A Progressive on the Prairie.)
January 9, 2018
3.5 stars
You can also find this review on my book blog.
Whenever I stumble upon a mental health book I make sure to read it because to me mental health is the most important thing in one’s life. I try and read mental health books as often as I can and I hope this year will be filled with great mental health books. Mental: Lithium, Love, and Losing my Mind is a very interesting and thoroughly researched book on bipolar disorder and the drug Lithium.
In Mental we are introduced to Jaime Lowe, a woman who suffers from bipolar disorder (bipolar I) and who as you can tell by the title takes lithium (a commonly used drug to treat bipolar disorder). In her memoir she tells us the story of her life with and without Lithium – her younger days filled with manic episodes which weren’t yet diagnosed and her post-adolesence life filled with therapy and taking medication in order to control her bipolar disorder. Even though this is a memoir it is also a well-researched exploration of the drug, Lithium – its effects, good and bad sides.
As I mentioned Lithium is widely known in treating bipolar disorder and the Lowe’s decision to include her research of the drug into her memoir works pretty well because it makes the novel in its way much more enjoyable. Mental does have some downsides because of its repetitiveness and switching from one story to the other in a chapter. Lowe provides us with a lot of historical information about Lithium, its components and how it was used in the past. While researching she has interviewed many psychiatrists, psychologists and scientists who gave her more insight on the drug as well as us, the reader. I have learned where the first mental institution was built and how mentally ill people were treated back then. I have highlighted a few quotes and interesting information from this book which I’ll share below:
‘’One of the first examples of hysteria was observed by Thomas Sydenham in 1681.’’
**
‘‘[talking about mania] There’s a magnetism to that kind of high, and I knew I could draw people to me.’’
**
‘’I turned into a comet or a supernova, bursting but going in no particular direction, aimed at nothing but intensely moving forward on a trajectory to nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Everything was eclipsed by me. I was the sun, the moon, the solar system, the beginning of time and the end.”
**
’’When you are depressed you want to be a time traveler, going back, going forward, being anywhere but in the here and now.’’
**
‘‘One night when H was away, the sky shook and lit up like war.’’
To anyone who loves learning about mental disorders or bipolar disorder in particular I would recommend this book because it contains plenty of interesting information and the work Lowe put in it shines through the pages.
I would like to thank the publisher (Blue Riders Press) and Netgalley for allowing me to read this book in exchange for an honest review.
You can also find this review on my book blog.
Whenever I stumble upon a mental health book I make sure to read it because to me mental health is the most important thing in one’s life. I try and read mental health books as often as I can and I hope this year will be filled with great mental health books. Mental: Lithium, Love, and Losing my Mind is a very interesting and thoroughly researched book on bipolar disorder and the drug Lithium.
In Mental we are introduced to Jaime Lowe, a woman who suffers from bipolar disorder (bipolar I) and who as you can tell by the title takes lithium (a commonly used drug to treat bipolar disorder). In her memoir she tells us the story of her life with and without Lithium – her younger days filled with manic episodes which weren’t yet diagnosed and her post-adolesence life filled with therapy and taking medication in order to control her bipolar disorder. Even though this is a memoir it is also a well-researched exploration of the drug, Lithium – its effects, good and bad sides.
As I mentioned Lithium is widely known in treating bipolar disorder and the Lowe’s decision to include her research of the drug into her memoir works pretty well because it makes the novel in its way much more enjoyable. Mental does have some downsides because of its repetitiveness and switching from one story to the other in a chapter. Lowe provides us with a lot of historical information about Lithium, its components and how it was used in the past. While researching she has interviewed many psychiatrists, psychologists and scientists who gave her more insight on the drug as well as us, the reader. I have learned where the first mental institution was built and how mentally ill people were treated back then. I have highlighted a few quotes and interesting information from this book which I’ll share below:
‘’One of the first examples of hysteria was observed by Thomas Sydenham in 1681.’’
**
‘‘[talking about mania] There’s a magnetism to that kind of high, and I knew I could draw people to me.’’
**
‘’I turned into a comet or a supernova, bursting but going in no particular direction, aimed at nothing but intensely moving forward on a trajectory to nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Everything was eclipsed by me. I was the sun, the moon, the solar system, the beginning of time and the end.”
**
’’When you are depressed you want to be a time traveler, going back, going forward, being anywhere but in the here and now.’’
**
‘‘One night when H was away, the sky shook and lit up like war.’’
To anyone who loves learning about mental disorders or bipolar disorder in particular I would recommend this book because it contains plenty of interesting information and the work Lowe put in it shines through the pages.
I would like to thank the publisher (Blue Riders Press) and Netgalley for allowing me to read this book in exchange for an honest review.
January 5, 2018
I feel like I’ve found a friend, or confidant, in Jaime. In the end she acknowledges how lucky she is to have her emotional & financial support system in place and just living in a time where diagnosis & treatment of mental illness is BELIEVED and pursued.
Although at times dry when discussing scientific/medicinal history, the way she weaved her own mania through facts and events, was inspired.
Initially I picked this book because of my own personal struggles and my lowest point when I too couldn’t sleep so I was hallucinating & paranoid or if I did sleep would be dragged through waking nightmares.
She’s a stellar writer, self-deprecating and honest and weird. I highly recommend for anyone else struggling or who knows someone who is struggling with any kind of mental illness. I sure needed this story.
Although at times dry when discussing scientific/medicinal history, the way she weaved her own mania through facts and events, was inspired.
Initially I picked this book because of my own personal struggles and my lowest point when I too couldn’t sleep so I was hallucinating & paranoid or if I did sleep would be dragged through waking nightmares.
She’s a stellar writer, self-deprecating and honest and weird. I highly recommend for anyone else struggling or who knows someone who is struggling with any kind of mental illness. I sure needed this story.
October 1, 2017
I tore through Jaime Lowe's autobiographical introduction to bipolar disorder. She tells her own story, beginning with an early manic episode and onward throughout the rollercoaster of coping with her mental illness. Some of her memories are gut wrenching and awful, some are a hallucinogenic dream. She intersperses her narrative with her quest to understand the disorder and the drug lithium, which helped her to achieve stability. Also, she's a brilliant writer. I would highly recommend.
April 1, 2018
Matter-of-fact description of a mind that unravels and ultimate need for a remedy with Lithium, yet not the typical case scenario. The author seems to have access to much cash, many job prospects, connections to friends and supportive family and plenty of opportunities for travel, which usually doesn't happen to someone in the throes of a serious mental disorder.
Read
July 15, 2021If you're a lay person who's interested in bipolar disorder in the adolescent and emerging adult periods, the first half of this book provides a good glimpse. As a mental health expert, however, I'm disappointed that Jaime Lowe (an excellent journalist) failed to consider psychosocial approaches - specifically CBT - as a critical conjoint treatment with evidence-based pharmacotherapy. Also disappointed that the many expert psychiatrists, one of whom trained me, didn't help guide her to CBT (or if they did, it's not in the memoir) as a necessary part of intervention. As such, this memoir only provides half the story about what a lay community might learn about this serious mental illness.
March 31, 2018
To me, this was a compelling, walk-a-mile-in-someone-else's-shoes look into life with bipolar disorder (mainly type 1), its treatments, and the consequences of both. I appreciated the author's candor when talking about the pros and cons of her illness. Having full-blown manic episodes was far from desirable for her, her friends, her family, and even her roommates, but Jaime acknowledges missing the heightened self-confidence that consumed her during those times. The writing is refreshingly unique - often filled with an almost-manic energy, and at other times, with a calmer tone when she describes rebuilding her life after a manic episode. Jaime also painted a clear picture about the problems that can come with decades of drug therapy for bipolar - first with lithium and then other drugs, like valproic acid. Having to stop lithium because of kidney toxicity and risk a relapse while trying different drug therapies was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place - is one really worse than the other? I think this book should be required reading for anyone wanting first-person insight into living with bipolar and for students of clinical psychology.
October 6, 2017
Free from Penguin First to Read, but my thoughts are my own.
This book is a little rough in writing style and subject matter. The author, Jamie Lowe, is manic depressive, with an emphasis on the manic phase. When she is up, she feels special, magnetic, chosen, and paranoid. She resisted change, fantasized and projected those fantasies as true. So some of the sections about her manic breakdowns are rambling, disjointed, and difficult to follow.
Some sections on her medicated life are, too. The main issue, it turns out, is that lithium, the miracle medication, is destroying her kidneys. Left with two bad choices, she embarks on a journey to understand lithium, before she can choose to let it go. A lot of the memoir doesn't quite make sense, just a bit rambling, just a bit strange, but it's as grounded in fact as any memoir can be. Jamie's life, after all, is a bit rambling and strange. But for all that, she functioned, had moments of peace with her brain, and kept on living.
This book is a little rough in writing style and subject matter. The author, Jamie Lowe, is manic depressive, with an emphasis on the manic phase. When she is up, she feels special, magnetic, chosen, and paranoid. She resisted change, fantasized and projected those fantasies as true. So some of the sections about her manic breakdowns are rambling, disjointed, and difficult to follow.
Some sections on her medicated life are, too. The main issue, it turns out, is that lithium, the miracle medication, is destroying her kidneys. Left with two bad choices, she embarks on a journey to understand lithium, before she can choose to let it go. A lot of the memoir doesn't quite make sense, just a bit rambling, just a bit strange, but it's as grounded in fact as any memoir can be. Jamie's life, after all, is a bit rambling and strange. But for all that, she functioned, had moments of peace with her brain, and kept on living.
August 2, 2020
worth it for the descriptions of what a manic phase feels like; it was also interesting to hear from her psychiatrists notes and friends’ impressions of the same episodes. I liked some of the history pieces, as well, but overall it was a bit disjointed, like she wasn’t sure what she wanted it to be.
Others have mentioned this, but it’s also almost surreal to read a narrative like this from someone who has the support network and all the resources to really help her—it’s so rare here in the U.S. that it’s almost baffling to read, like it’s fiction.
Others have mentioned this, but it’s also almost surreal to read a narrative like this from someone who has the support network and all the resources to really help her—it’s so rare here in the U.S. that it’s almost baffling to read, like it’s fiction.
January 31, 2018
Terribly written, it feels like the author couldn't ever decide if this was going to be one long blog post, or a nonfiction summary of research on... all the topics she ever was interested in. I really wanted to like the book but it was really disappointing to read.
November 16, 2019
This is a really engaging read that made me feel so full of knowledge and grateful to Jaime Lowe for sharing her experience in such a brilliant and honest way. How do we truly understand what another person is going through? It’s a tough if not impossible task, but this is why I read. And In reading Mental, I learned one person’s story of bipolar disorder.
The fact that Lowe’s bipolar disorder is more focused on the manic side frankly made the story more interesting and engaging. I’ve tried some books on depression that were ... depressing. But Lowe’s story of her mania is fascinating yet scary. And she gives factual background information, showing her talent as a journalist.
I heard about this because of a This American Life episode about trauma therapy called ‘Ten Sessions.’ I really recommend that as well.
This is a wonderful book.
The fact that Lowe’s bipolar disorder is more focused on the manic side frankly made the story more interesting and engaging. I’ve tried some books on depression that were ... depressing. But Lowe’s story of her mania is fascinating yet scary. And she gives factual background information, showing her talent as a journalist.
I heard about this because of a This American Life episode about trauma therapy called ‘Ten Sessions.’ I really recommend that as well.
This is a wonderful book.
October 25, 2017
***Received a digital copy from First to Read for an honest review***
Now that I've established that, let's get to the good part. This was a fascinating read. I don't know anyone who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but this firsthand account from Jaime Lowe has definitely taught me a lot. Reading this book gives us a glimpse of what it's like for people living with the disorder in every way: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Lowe recalls being diagnosed as a teenager, being committed, and finally taking Lithium to combat her mania and the consequences of that decision. Though her recollection was mostly straight to the point, I found the other information to be a bit scattered in subject matter. She delves into the history of Lithium, which leads her to discuss geography, science, and even politics but I think this only gives the reader a better picture into her mind. Overall, this was a good book. I recommend it to those interested in memoirs and/or mental health.
Now that I've established that, let's get to the good part. This was a fascinating read. I don't know anyone who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but this firsthand account from Jaime Lowe has definitely taught me a lot. Reading this book gives us a glimpse of what it's like for people living with the disorder in every way: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Lowe recalls being diagnosed as a teenager, being committed, and finally taking Lithium to combat her mania and the consequences of that decision. Though her recollection was mostly straight to the point, I found the other information to be a bit scattered in subject matter. She delves into the history of Lithium, which leads her to discuss geography, science, and even politics but I think this only gives the reader a better picture into her mind. Overall, this was a good book. I recommend it to those interested in memoirs and/or mental health.
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April 20, 2018I really enjoyed this book especially because it dealt with bipolar disorder. I found Jaime's passion for lithium to be understanable though I don't know if I would ever have such confidence with one drug. When I first started learning about my bipolar disorder, I was against all medication. Jaime seemed to accept it quicker than I did.
I also believe the story she told many with bipolar can relate to and I feel she wrote the book as much as for herself as for readers interested in bipolar or readers with no knowledge of bipolar or readers who had similar experiences as bipolar patients.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
I also believe the story she told many with bipolar can relate to and I feel she wrote the book as much as for herself as for readers interested in bipolar or readers with no knowledge of bipolar or readers who had similar experiences as bipolar patients.
With writes,
-Andy Ruffett
August 24, 2020
Like He Came in with It: A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness, a deep-dive into the unraveling of a young mind, this time in the first person.
A lot of her success despite a series of frankly bizarre choices seems to come down to dumb luck.
A lot of her success despite a series of frankly bizarre choices seems to come down to dumb luck.
September 20, 2017
MENTAL: LITHIUM, LOVE, AND LOSING MY MIND is a memoir that deals with author's experiences with bipolar disorder and the use of lithium to treat it. While the first half is personal experiences of the author, the second half slows down as the author gets into more technical/scientific explanations regarding lithium and its use in treating bipolar disorder. Especially enlightening for those unfamiliar with bipolar disorder and its treatment. My thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an advance reader copy...
June 27, 2019
I absolutely loved this book. The way Jaime Lowe writes is so specific and weird and she just invites you to read along. I really liked her pace and the way she wove the very personal story of her bipolar diagnosis and journey (specifically, her mania) with scientific research, reflections on identity and history, and information about the health care system and advocacy for change.
January 23, 2018
Mental is the story of Jaime Lowe's descent into mania and depression as she grappled with her bipolar disorder throughout childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. I found Lowe's writing deliciously candid, and her description of mania and depression in her experience was gripping, heartbreaking, and even a little hilarious. I appreciated her talking about something so stigmatized and hush-hush; we definitely need to make mental health more of an easy topic to talk about in our society.
February 7, 2022
An enjoyable memoir about Jaime Lowe's struggle with manic bipolar disorder. I really enjoyed her writing style. She offered a good balance of personal feelings, emotions, and stories with facts and history about mental illness, lithium, and more.
July 4, 2025
A great memoir on the author’s relationship with not just her mental health disorder but also her relationship with the medication that saved her life. Very funny and informative.
December 6, 2020
Mania is terrifying and this book covered every part of the roller coaster in detail. It's a story that has moments very similar to my own and for that, I am grateful for this book.
January 28, 2021
Great writing and interesting story. Probably a bit too clinical and lithium-focused for me toward the end. No fault of the author, that's a HUGE part of her story ... it's just not an intense interest for me.
September 25, 2017
I am fascinated by stories about mental health and mental illness. There is something absolutely primal within me that resonates when I read about people's struggles to maintain a sense of self when their own mind turns on them... It is one of my biggest fears - always has been. I've always been a person who lived as much in my head as in the world around me, and the thought that I might one day not be able to do that - that I might not be able to trust my brain to tell me not only what is around me but who I am - is horrifying to me.
Jaime Lowe's Mental is two parts memoir, one part history book, and all three parts were exceedingly interesting. The book opens with her in the middle of a manic cycle, about to be institutionalized and medicated for the first time - at age 16. The story is a roller-coaster ride, a manic (literally) trip through the looking glass... Through it all, Lowe's frank and engaging storytelling style entertains and educates - this is not only a personal history, but also a history of lithium. As Lowe manages her own condition (bipolar 1, which emphasizes manic as opposed to depressive episodes), she struggles to figure out what lithium - her personal magic bullet - is, why it works, and what it means for her and others suffering like her.
This was a fascinating peek behind the curtain. I can't imagine living through manic episodes - or watching and participating in them as Lowe's family and friends have... The inner strength that must be marshaled to not only survive but to live to tell the tale is as impressive as is the engaging tale that resulted. Kudos to Jaime Lowe for both.
My review copy was provided by NetGalley.
Jaime Lowe's Mental is two parts memoir, one part history book, and all three parts were exceedingly interesting. The book opens with her in the middle of a manic cycle, about to be institutionalized and medicated for the first time - at age 16. The story is a roller-coaster ride, a manic (literally) trip through the looking glass... Through it all, Lowe's frank and engaging storytelling style entertains and educates - this is not only a personal history, but also a history of lithium. As Lowe manages her own condition (bipolar 1, which emphasizes manic as opposed to depressive episodes), she struggles to figure out what lithium - her personal magic bullet - is, why it works, and what it means for her and others suffering like her.
This was a fascinating peek behind the curtain. I can't imagine living through manic episodes - or watching and participating in them as Lowe's family and friends have... The inner strength that must be marshaled to not only survive but to live to tell the tale is as impressive as is the engaging tale that resulted. Kudos to Jaime Lowe for both.
My review copy was provided by NetGalley.
October 4, 2017
Lowe is trying to do a couple different things with this memoir. She tries to convey a clear-eyed view of her own experience in mania. This first part of the book is very brave, and she acknowledges how lucky she's been. She had her first manic episode as a teenager, and she went and talked to those who knew her then, who interacted with her, and asked what their perception of her was at the time. I can't imagine having the strength to ask that so thoroughly. She hurt people when she was manic, and she faces that history head-on. She also covers her experience with Lithium and how it helped her avoid mania. The closer she gets to the present-day, the less detail she shares, and I get that. She's in a stable relationship, and this book isn't about her romantic relationships in general, but her relationship with lithium and mania. But her present-day section of the memoir is about preparing to leave lithium behind -- it has damaged her internal organs, and she needs to find a different solution. So she goes on a fact-finding mission about the element that she has depended on for over twenty years. This part of the book does drag a bit, but it's fairly interesting. She tells us of her fond farewell to the drug.
All in all, this may not be exactly the book others are looking for, but it is Lowe's story, honestly told, I think. And I really enjoyed the time I spent with it, cautiously learning about someone else's struggles. It took me a little while to finish the last bit, but it was worth it.
I got a free copy to review from First to Read.
All in all, this may not be exactly the book others are looking for, but it is Lowe's story, honestly told, I think. And I really enjoyed the time I spent with it, cautiously learning about someone else's struggles. It took me a little while to finish the last bit, but it was worth it.
I got a free copy to review from First to Read.
November 11, 2025
The beginning of this book really gave me a new fear in life. Having bipolar disorder 2, I've come to terms with the fact that one of my girls may have it as well. I'm mentally prepared to possibly identify it, but also help them to process it in ways that I never had. The new fear is that one of them, or their kids one day would have bipolar disorder 1, which is very different than my experience. The idea of one of them being truly debilitated and unable to fully function due to my genes is a very tough pill to swallow. I pride myself in being a good dad, but I do have a strong fear of the unavoidable fact that my genes used to create them may one day be the reason they are experiencing the scary depression I went through, or mania.
With bipolar, I admit I am also pretty ignorant. I've done very little research in to what bipolar disorder really is, beyond some basic research in to 1 vs 2. I probably don't do a perfect service to the accuracy of the mental illness when I talk about it, as I describe it based on my experience more than the technical scientific definition. I learned some new things in this book that have given me more of a drive to go do my own research and better understand this illness I have. The tricky part is that my limited understanding is that there is not a ton of scientific expertise on what bipolar really is and what causes it beyond it being some sort of chemical imbalance in the brain. The brain is so full of unknowns and they may know that some meds help treat it, that doesn't mean they know why. For me, that's okay as I don't need the answers but I could see that being a struggle for others.
I also really feel for Jaime as I went through my life having Jesus to rely on through all of my struggles. Now as she described, her bend was mania more than depression, but I still don't know where I'd be if it were not for my relationship with Jesus. I grew up with a grandmother and uncle with bipolar 1, hearing negative things about how they act and their "craziness," even if I was too young to see the brunt of it. Being diagnosed was tough for me as I didnt want to be put in the same category as them. I wish I could go back in time and allow my grandma to get the treatment and counseling that would have probably changed her life for the better. She grew up in a different generation and I can't imagine going as long as she did being told that she was a worrier to explain her disorder away.
Now, I did do some skimming as I said - I was not overly interested in all of the history and background around lithium as I have no experience with it. I also had a different experience with medication application than she did. For me, I started Latuda and had immediate life changing results. It took some time to nail down dosage and get me also prescribed to take Lamictal which treated the anger/temper side of bipolar. I'm incredibly thankful that my journey for lack of a better word was short and sweet. I can only imagine the frustration and hopelessness that can come with years of fighting for a solution. I really resonated also with her struggle to let go of lithium after all of the years it helped her. I was diagnosed much later in life than her and have been on my meds for 4 years now, but would be absolutely devastated if I had something come up that made me give up my current medications. That would be potentially giving up my mental stability or sanity. It would mean potentially giving up the ability to be the husband, father, friend and son that I am and hoped for so long to be. When I first was diagnosed, I really had to process the emotions and fear that came with finally feeling good and thinking "what if I change jobs and can't afford the medication?" or "what if the meds stop working so good?" or "what if the meds stop being available?" I still have those fears and they may never go away. The stakes are even higher now than 4 years ago. I have kids that are older enough to build life-long memories and I don't want those memories to be of me not properly medicated. This is not a short term fear either - I have (hopefully) 50-60 years of life left to live here and the hope is that I'll be properly medicated as I am now for all of it. That's a lot of weight to put on 2 little white pills that I take every night. I also hope that I'm not secretly destroying or hurting something in my body that I can't see of feel, which may come to show years or decades down the road. It's a risk I have to take and do so gladly, but it's a risk nonetheless. I've been lucky to avoid side-effects (to the best of my knowledge) beyond weight gain, but that may not always be the case. I live with the fear that I'd be hospitalized or something else and miss my medication for 5 days and have to restart the dosage building process, potentially putting Jo and the girls in a position to deal with a part of me that Im scared of.
This review ended up being a bit of a personal journal, but it really brought up a lot of feelings for me and made me think about things that I've not thought of for some time. I make jokes about it often, but I hate that I have a mental illness. I hate that I won the genetic lottery in my family and Im the one who got it. I hate that there is a side of me that I am scared of that lurks in the back of my mind, waiting for the chance to get out. I've talked to my psychiatrist about this before, but I still feel when my body is in a down episode. I feel my brain trying to attack me still. When I am in one, I feel that part of my brain wants to be depressed, sad or angry. It feels like there is a monster locked in a cage in my mind, slamming at the bars trying to get out. The scary part is that the monster is part of me, part of the chemicals that make my brain work. These two little white pills create the cage that holds it in, but when I hit these episodes, I am reminded that I am medicated or treated, but not cured. I'm reminded that God has brought me out of the storm I was in, provided relief but he has not removed the thorn entirely.
As the title states, I know what it's like to feel as though you're losing your mind. I know what it's like to feel as though someone else is holding the steering wheel in your head, going where they please even if it hurts you. I have bipolar disorder too, and it's more than being sad. It's an illness and it's part of me. It's scary, but it's who I am and always will be.
With bipolar, I admit I am also pretty ignorant. I've done very little research in to what bipolar disorder really is, beyond some basic research in to 1 vs 2. I probably don't do a perfect service to the accuracy of the mental illness when I talk about it, as I describe it based on my experience more than the technical scientific definition. I learned some new things in this book that have given me more of a drive to go do my own research and better understand this illness I have. The tricky part is that my limited understanding is that there is not a ton of scientific expertise on what bipolar really is and what causes it beyond it being some sort of chemical imbalance in the brain. The brain is so full of unknowns and they may know that some meds help treat it, that doesn't mean they know why. For me, that's okay as I don't need the answers but I could see that being a struggle for others.
I also really feel for Jaime as I went through my life having Jesus to rely on through all of my struggles. Now as she described, her bend was mania more than depression, but I still don't know where I'd be if it were not for my relationship with Jesus. I grew up with a grandmother and uncle with bipolar 1, hearing negative things about how they act and their "craziness," even if I was too young to see the brunt of it. Being diagnosed was tough for me as I didnt want to be put in the same category as them. I wish I could go back in time and allow my grandma to get the treatment and counseling that would have probably changed her life for the better. She grew up in a different generation and I can't imagine going as long as she did being told that she was a worrier to explain her disorder away.
Now, I did do some skimming as I said - I was not overly interested in all of the history and background around lithium as I have no experience with it. I also had a different experience with medication application than she did. For me, I started Latuda and had immediate life changing results. It took some time to nail down dosage and get me also prescribed to take Lamictal which treated the anger/temper side of bipolar. I'm incredibly thankful that my journey for lack of a better word was short and sweet. I can only imagine the frustration and hopelessness that can come with years of fighting for a solution. I really resonated also with her struggle to let go of lithium after all of the years it helped her. I was diagnosed much later in life than her and have been on my meds for 4 years now, but would be absolutely devastated if I had something come up that made me give up my current medications. That would be potentially giving up my mental stability or sanity. It would mean potentially giving up the ability to be the husband, father, friend and son that I am and hoped for so long to be. When I first was diagnosed, I really had to process the emotions and fear that came with finally feeling good and thinking "what if I change jobs and can't afford the medication?" or "what if the meds stop working so good?" or "what if the meds stop being available?" I still have those fears and they may never go away. The stakes are even higher now than 4 years ago. I have kids that are older enough to build life-long memories and I don't want those memories to be of me not properly medicated. This is not a short term fear either - I have (hopefully) 50-60 years of life left to live here and the hope is that I'll be properly medicated as I am now for all of it. That's a lot of weight to put on 2 little white pills that I take every night. I also hope that I'm not secretly destroying or hurting something in my body that I can't see of feel, which may come to show years or decades down the road. It's a risk I have to take and do so gladly, but it's a risk nonetheless. I've been lucky to avoid side-effects (to the best of my knowledge) beyond weight gain, but that may not always be the case. I live with the fear that I'd be hospitalized or something else and miss my medication for 5 days and have to restart the dosage building process, potentially putting Jo and the girls in a position to deal with a part of me that Im scared of.
This review ended up being a bit of a personal journal, but it really brought up a lot of feelings for me and made me think about things that I've not thought of for some time. I make jokes about it often, but I hate that I have a mental illness. I hate that I won the genetic lottery in my family and Im the one who got it. I hate that there is a side of me that I am scared of that lurks in the back of my mind, waiting for the chance to get out. I've talked to my psychiatrist about this before, but I still feel when my body is in a down episode. I feel my brain trying to attack me still. When I am in one, I feel that part of my brain wants to be depressed, sad or angry. It feels like there is a monster locked in a cage in my mind, slamming at the bars trying to get out. The scary part is that the monster is part of me, part of the chemicals that make my brain work. These two little white pills create the cage that holds it in, but when I hit these episodes, I am reminded that I am medicated or treated, but not cured. I'm reminded that God has brought me out of the storm I was in, provided relief but he has not removed the thorn entirely.
As the title states, I know what it's like to feel as though you're losing your mind. I know what it's like to feel as though someone else is holding the steering wheel in your head, going where they please even if it hurts you. I have bipolar disorder too, and it's more than being sad. It's an illness and it's part of me. It's scary, but it's who I am and always will be.
September 22, 2017
I received a digital ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I respect Lowe's willingness to share her story of mental illness, and her initial passages on her psychotic break and mania are sad and fascinating (if abstract). However, it is as if Lowe lost her vision for the book after the opening; the book strays between topics and timelines and becomes hard to follow. At times, it reads like a dry non-fiction text book discussing the history of bipolar disorder or mental illness in literature, at other times she shares personal stories of her childhood or her parents' divorce. Eventually, I became frustrated with trying to follow the story and did not finish the book.
I respect Lowe's willingness to share her story of mental illness, and her initial passages on her psychotic break and mania are sad and fascinating (if abstract). However, it is as if Lowe lost her vision for the book after the opening; the book strays between topics and timelines and becomes hard to follow. At times, it reads like a dry non-fiction text book discussing the history of bipolar disorder or mental illness in literature, at other times she shares personal stories of her childhood or her parents' divorce. Eventually, I became frustrated with trying to follow the story and did not finish the book.
December 2, 2017
I enjoyed reading Lowe's story. She has struggled with bipolar disorder since she was a teen and this book chronicles her experiences with finding a medication that worked for her and her struggle once lithium started destroying her kidney function. It's sad and funny because she is so honest. She adds in the research she did on mental illness, bipolar, and medications and she kept it to information she felt was relevant not just throwing in facts and statistics for their own sake. The take away for me was that you need to be an active participant in your health care (mental or physical).
November 11, 2020
I first heard about this book when the author was on a podcast I was listening to (I can’t remember which one, maybe TAL) and added it to my “want to read list”. As a former psych major who is about the same age as the author I found it to be a really engaging read. She was extremely honest about her experience and I found gaining insight into what her episodes of mania were like was fascinating. Even though the deep dive into the history of lithium seemed a little out of place at first it grew on me and I appreciated learning about the history of the medication. I always scoffed at the “happy water” in the grocery store but now I kind of want to get some.
November 5, 2017
After reading an excerpt of this book in the New York Times, I was looking forward to reading the book. Short assessment: I was wildly disappointed by this book. I felt like it was the first draft before a good editor got a hold of it to find the actual storyline. Lots and lots of detail that failed to move the story forward. I didn't really come away learning anything new. Read the NYT op-ed instead of the book.
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