Перфекционизм. Когнитивно-поведенческий подход

by Sharon Martin, Шэрон Мартин

Данная книга поможет вам осознать причину своего перфекционизма и понять, в какой степени стремление к безупречности отравляет вашу жизнь и отношения с близкими. Вместо того чтобы оценивать свои действия и достижения по критериям “идеальности”, вы научитесь снисходительному отношению к себе и другим людям. В конечном итоге вы узнаете, как преодолеть тягу к совершенству и перестать фокусироваться на достижении амбициозных целей. Если вы готовы избавиться от перфекционизма и начать вести более насыщенную жизнь, то книга станет для вас незаменимым помощником.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Development, Self Esteem, Personal Growth

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2019

Reviews

[Dan Stern · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVED this book. I knew I had some tendencies towards perfectionism but this book explains in detail the signs and symptoms that I would have missed otherwise. It's such a gentle approach that I help me to understand myself in a deeper way. I instantly related to the personal examples and found the exercises very easy and though provoking. As a therapist, I have already recommended this book to several clients ( and friends ) for those struggling with high expectations and people pleasing behaviors. This is a must read for anyone seeking positive change from issues like low self-esteem, perfectionism, difficulty letting go, self-forgiveness, adult children of alcoholic issues and codependency. Such a wonderful contribution to our field! Thank you Sharon!

[Andi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another in the series of self-help books that I have read this fall.
Changing your expectations of yourself and others can lead to greater happiness. If your expectations are continually not being met, that is an indication that they are unrealistic. Notice the negativity bias and expand your framework. Other ways to do things are OK. If you change your expectations, you are choosing to be happier With the negativity bias, you tend to notice problems, and discount the positives. Triggers become hardwired.
To change your expectations, you might ask "at what cost?" and decide that it is not worth it. Choose flexibility over the pursuit of excellence. "Enjoyed"versus "done properly." Hold things lightly.
Accepting ourselves just as we are right now. Not wishing it to be any different than it is. Everything is already OK.

[Ola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nie dość, że świetny do pracy nad sobą, to jeszcze do pracy z klientem złoto i na pewno będę do niego regularnie wracać. Zdecydowanie najlepszy poradnik z serii tych psychologicznych, jaki przeczytałam w tym roku

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not every chapter is going to speak to you, but I think they’re all worth reading. There’s a lot of exercises, and I found myself a bit overwhelmed with them, but I think that can be fixed by taking things slow (as suggested by the author) and focusing on exercises that speak to you. I felt very seen by parts of this book.

[Isabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wat een gigantisch confronterend boek.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life altering

Don’t believe anyone who rated this book 4 stars or less. Personally, I think it deserves more than 5 stars. If you struggle with perfectionism, please read this book

[Mathias Neves · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of great advice here! Definitely recommended.

[Arifa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not exaggerating, this book changed my life! I didn't know what I had was perfectionism, I'd always thought I was just incapable at things 🤷🏻‍♀️ The tone used in the book is very gentle and empathetic and therefore great for someone like me LOL, and the earlier chapters spoke to my soul because I finally found perfect descriptions of my struggles. I wholly recommend this book for people who might have an inkling that they're crippling perfectionists and want to break free of themselves, and if the opportunity arises, might suggest this book to loved ones too.

[Adrijana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of the most useful and well-written CBT/self-help books I’ve read as a psychologist. Concepts are clear and easy to understand. There are many practical strategies included. Examples provided are realistic and relatable. I’ve already used some of these strategies with my own clients and will continue to do so. Recommended for therapists and people struggling with perfectionistic tendencies.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some helpful chapters, some not so much. I struggled knowing how to answer some of the reflection prompts. But overall, had some helpful tips, tricks, and tools.

[Anneke Visser-van Dijken · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bij het zien van de schitterende cover van Hoezo perfect? van Sharon Martin is het voor te stellen dat men schrikt van koffiekringvlek. Gelukkig is het geen echte koffiekringvlek. De titel maakt nieuwsgierig, je wilt er meer over weten. De subtitel geeft precies aan voor wie dit boek is geschreven, maar ook als je niet tot die doelgroepen hoort, is het een interessant boek om te lezen.
In de inleiding van Hoezo perfect? van Sharon Martin vertelt de auteur voor wie dit boek is, waarom ze dit boek heeft geschreven en wat je kan verwachten van dit boek. Ze vertelt ook wat ze in de loop der jaren zelf heeft geleerd voordat ze dit boek schreef.
Hoezo perfect? van Sharon Martin is een zelfhulpboek, maar zou je eventueel ook samen met een therapeut aan kunnen werken. In het boek kan je onder andere lezen wat perfectionisme is, waarom heel veel mensen perfectionistisch zijn, hoe je perfectionisme kan herkennen, de oorsprong van perfectionisme, hoe perfectioniscme je leven kan beïnvloeden, maar ook over uitstelgedrag, wat boosheid is en het belang ervan, schaamte en zelfzorg. Elk hoofdstuk bevat vragen die je kan beantwoorden zoals bijvoorbeeld de vraag 'Hoe definieer je perfectionisme?'. Daarnaast heeft elk hoofdstuk checklisten die je kan invullen om bijvoorbeeld erachter te komen wat de tekenen zijn dat je te druk bent, wordt je aangezet om diverse oefeningen te doen zoals bijvoorbeeld de vijf-minutenregel en krijg je geregeld opdrachten om te doen zoals bijvoorbeeld een week lang bijhouden wat je per dag doet.

Lees verder op https://surfingann.blogspot.com/2020/... .

[Lize · Rating 2 out of 5]

Een boek over perfectionisme, over wat het is, hoe het kan ontstaan en wat je er aan kan doen. Het boek is opgedeeld in verschillende kleine hoofdstukken. Omdat de uitleg nogal gedetailleerd is, wordt op het einde van het hoofdstuk een korte samenvatting gegeven en tegelijk ook een kleine vooruitblik naar het volgende hoofdstuk.
Er staan regelmatig oefeningen in het boek die je dan kan maken of invullen zodat je als lezer beter zicht krijgt waar jouw perfectionisme vandaan komen.

Ik vond het boek zelf niet zo aangenaam om te lezen omdat er vragen gewoon tussen de doorlopende tekst staan en dat je dan na de stippenlijnen verder moet lezen. Bovendien vind ik het ook lastig dat de auteur altijd in de meervoudsvorm schrijft. Het boek kan je helpen om een beter inzicht in jezelf te krijgen maar als jij het boek alleen leest, komt het nogal raar over als we "alles" gaan doen. Wie zijn we? De auteur is ook perfectionistisch en heeft daar zelf ook aan gewerkt dus ik vermoed dat er daarom altijd "we" gebruikt wordt.

[Melissa Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably one of the most helpful books I've read to help with my OCPD. Certainly helped give me new perspective and provided tools for coping and overcoming some very destructive behaviors, which is especially hard since society usually encourages them at the cost of the ocpd person's family. I wish I could keep it and not return it to the library since I know I'll revisit these topics. I wrote and journaled SO much working through this entire workbook. Not having access to a therapist, I can see how if you could afford one this would help open up great topics for discussion and deep dive.

[Sanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting insights.

[Gwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful, particularly if you’ve engaged with CBT before and you’re looking for something more to your circumstances.

[Samuel Căuneac · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had this workbook recommended by my therapist and went through it with him.

After the first 86 pages I already felt very relieved from a specter of personality traits that used to make life a rough time, the first 5 chapters being particularly of very big use.

The language is simple and accessible enough for anybody, information is well put up together and structured, making the book easy to read. The exercises are well combined with the information given and leads the reader to a proper way in implementing it practically.

Throughout the book I could not find it easy to implement such a large variety of techniques, sometimes feeling discouraged by the effort for completion and time required but that was just a manifestation of the perfectionism of the reader. There is no need to implement all the techniques at once and that's also the workbook's idea: to find your own particularized way through your struggles with these exercises. Also, the hardness of exercising proved to be a sign that neuroplasticity is involved and changes are made.

I gladly recommend this workbook to anyone struggling with perfectionism and not only. I personally found it very useful in dealing specially with my own anxiety, shame, guilt, stress and compulsiveness having their root mostly in perfectionism.

[Viola Baldwin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked this book and the exercises. However for me personally it was a lot of repetition of topics that I was already very familiar with - a lot of it is already widespread information from other self help and self care books (Mindfulness, Journaling, self-Compassion etc.) The most beneficial exercises and chapters for me were the ones that helped me identify where my own perfectionism stems from and critically challenging it, some really eye opening conclusions revealed themselves. Also the chapters about analysis paralysis and critical thinking of people around us were very interesting. Overall a very good book.

[Rolaka Pisarka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Format był najwięszym problemem w czasie czytania tej ksiązki. Przypomina strasznie taki szkolny, ciężki zeszyt ćwiczeń, który trudno utrzymać w ręce, gnie się i ogólnie przyjemnie przez to czyta. Wartościowa książka, to na pewno, ale format można by było zdecydowanie zmniejszyć + powiedzmy sobie szczerze... Duże litery, przestrzeni na ćwiczenia, a treści stosunkowo mało

[Grace B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good overview for beginners who are new to perfectionism. Not much new for those who’ve already started the work. For those through beginner thought work and wanting to really shift I would seek somatic work (like EMDR, NLP, EFT) over more CBT

[ja.wojcik · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bardzo ciekawe narzędzie pracy na sobą i swoimi przyzwyczajeniami. Jeżeli kogoś męczą wyrzuty sumienia wynikające z niezrozumienia przez innych, z zrobienia za mało, czy wzięcia za dużo na swoje barki - to to jest idealna pozycja do poznania i zmierzenia się z podstawą problemu.

[Aleksander Zawalich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Filled to the brim with CBT-based exercises. Shows that perfectionism is a complex issue needing multiple approaches to conquer. I lacked a more theotethical basis for perfectionism itself, and felt overwhelmed with exercises from time to time. Overall, a good read I can recommend.

[Su Ryder]

This was interesting. It's almost impossible to change a perfectionism mindset, I think, but this gives you some useful ideas.

[indy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-help books are often pretentious and sanctimonious, but this one is excellent. Down to earth, practical, compassionate, and comforting.

[Shauni Lippens · Rating 3 out of 5]

*3*

[Daisy Gijbels · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very comprehensive, useful and practical.

[Marta · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Mandy Hommersom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heel veel van geleerd!

[Eduardo Lira · Rating 2 out of 5]

No es mi estilo.

[Patty · Rating 2 out of 5]

The workbook part was handy. The content around it was not that helpful.

[Giulia Rossi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Absolutely do not recommend