Top to Bottom: A Memoir and Personal Guide Through Phalloplasty

by Finlay Games

"Part memoir, part self-help guide, this book explores the physical and emotional journey of having a phalloplasty (lower surgery). Finlay Games takes the reader through his experience, from the initial decision-making through each stage of the surgery to its completion, to recovery and after-care. He provides a rich, honest and nuanced account of being a trans man, depicting his experience of relearning his body, sexuality and relationships whilst sharing the process of surgery in practical terms. From the early decision making to the different stages of surgery and its after care, Finlay shares the highs and lows of his experience with refreshing honesty"--

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Memoir

239 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2021

About the author

Finlay Games is a transgender gay man, with a passion for creating honest content and inspiring others to be their authentic selves. In 2011 Finlay began sharing his gender transition story via his YouTube channel and accompanying blog under the name, ‘FinnTheInFinncible’.. Finlay has since written for various publications, and spoken at several events, about his transgender experiences and his recovery from addiction and mental ill-health. He also works as a coach and mentor, supporting transgender people through their personal transition journeys. ‘Top to Bottom – A Memoir and Personal Guide Through Phalloplasty’ published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, is his first book.

Reviews

[Gabby Humphreys · Rating 3 out of 5]

Top to Bottom is Finlay’s memoir which details his experience with phalloplasty. This is the construction of a penis, which some trans people choose to have, and is often termed ‘bottom surgery’.

I had not heard of Finlay before this book, but he is an LGBTQ+ and mental health content creator that some of you may know. For me, @hannahwitton brought this book to light, in her massive sex ed book haul.

Top to Bottom is pretty unremarkable in its writing, and that is what I love about it. There’s so frilly metaphors here, Finlay simply tells his experience of this process. This may sound basic, but I can’t stress how valuable this book will be for some people. This information has not been easily accessible, and these pages are a solution to this problem.

I learned so much about this process, and was absolutely fascinated about the huge huge list of decisions that are to be made before surgery. Additionally, this book does an amazing job at really highlighting how a waist list can impact someone’s life - something which statistics often do not achieve - and is generally a really nice, simple, but really moving and also not simple at all read.

I think I say simple, but I really mean welcoming. This book is so openly honest and friendly in its tone, even when horrific experiences like years of waitlists and dysphoria are approached, and really feels refreshing.

V happy this book exists, and it’s a very good place to start if like me, you have realised that you only know certain branches of LGBTQ+ issues and stories.

[Jake Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this! It's hugely educational with loads of practical tips, which is great considering the relative lack of in-depth, experience-led resources on phallo. Its really chatty and engaging, impressively candid and also pretty emotional- - I actually cried happy tears once or twice! A great, much-needed book.

[Michelle Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Top to Bottom' is a beautifully touching and intimate human story, where one man navigates his spiritual and physical journey to become the person he was always meant to be. Written in true Finn style, this is an evolutionary journey toward Self Actualization.

This book is written from the author's first hand experience. It is very educational and serves as an outstanding resource for trans people, trans allys, and for people in the medical field who offer transgender services. This book is an incredibly supportive companion for any person seeking to explore lower surgery. It is a fine example for anyone who understands the importance of being true to one's Self. There are moments in the book such as 'dark wednesday', which he so aptly refers to, that will make you cry and capture your heart strings, and moments where you are cheering Finn on in his quest to create new pathways in communicating with the medical field in order to carve out the understanding of the necessity, quality and importance of trans rights in society.

I cannot speak highly enough of the thoroughness and indepth detail that Finlay shares of his journey. The author leaves no stone left unturned, as he takes us on a journey from start to finish, exploring the highs and lows, of gender confirmation surgery.

Finlay Games is an exquisitely talented writer. When it comes to 'Top to Bottom', Finn states that he wanted to write a book that he wished he had access to when he was going through the lower surgery process, and he has, without doubt kept his promise, inviting the reader into his world where he discusses aspects of lower surgery that has not been spoken about before, to this degree. I highly recommend this book. It is captivating and a must read for everyone.

[Cole · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a useful, detailed account of phalloplasty and the first of its kind. I think it is useful for any trans man preparing for lower surgery. It is a quick read and touches on vulnerable and important topics.

The reason I gave it 3 stars rather than 5 is for two reasons, particularly the second reason:
1) There are some repeated phrases (poor editing?) as well as cringeworthy metaphors.
2) The book describes his sexual experiences with two trans men before his current partner He talks about them with dignity and it is not an issue in the book. However, he has a bunch of YouTube videos describing his current relationship as his first kiss, first sex, first date, etc with a man. This is in very poor taste. I cannot imagine, myself being a trans man, having someone talk about me this way. If I had been a sexual partner of Finn's and later found out he only considered cis men as his first male experiences, I would be beyond disturbed and it would haunt me for a very long time. Very disappointing.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Packed with great info about having phalloplasty in the UK health system, but the groaners and awkward humor can be trying at times.

I read this about two weeks out from second stage (in US) myself, so this book has both informative and practical elements, although my surgery journey has been very, very different from the author's experience. Comparing and contrasting while reading was neat, but probably not something a lot of readers will be doing.

Some elements will be evergreen (preventing infection, decision-making processes, self-advocacy), but other elements will not be (surgery particulars, navigating the NHS). Most books on trans-specific healthcare have these issues.

The author's sense of humor will not be for everyone.

Overall, a useful and unique resource for those who need it (same for the author's Youtube channel), but a bit limited in terms of how it applies to trans men in other countries.

Better/more modern info than Balls (Edwards), but not as enjoyable of a read.

[Weeza B]

A completely honest, up front, very personal account of the journey Finn had to go through in order to be the man he always was inside. Not once did Finn shy away from the difficult subject of phalloplasty. A very personal journey for an Trans man and being so honest will pave the way for many other guys going through it and give them hope and support in a difficult time. Finn used his story to tell the world all about Finn Jr and how he became in a wonderfully touching, humorous and perfect way hitting the tone perfectly. A must read for an Trans man who is considering or going through surgery but also for anyone else to have an understanding of how debilitating gender dysphoria and living in the wrong body is. Thank you Finn for bring your story for all the world to read.

[Ridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone looking to get Phalloplasty using the NHS GIC process (well asap really), its been very hard to find honest accounts and in depth information. However, this memior was the answer to all my prayers and hours and hours of searching. Walking into the common press and finding this was gave such a feeling of elation to me as i instantly knew it was going to be good, from just the description haha. Finlay really lays it all out on the table and provides the both good and bad - the naked truth if you will - on his experiences and i appreciate it so much, even if it did send me on an emotional rollercoaster. Between this, Tash and Harry's accounts pf trans lives, I've certainly found myself excited to read more queer and trans memiors!

[Skylar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. Super informative and helpful with just the right amount of humour and entertainment. It was a joy to read and I learned so much. I think this book is really important and necessary, especially considering the lack of information or misinformation about phalloplasty that I see online. I've never been able to hear about someone's journey in this much detail, and I am very glad that I got to read about it in this book. The book also offered lot's of great advice both on how to deal with recovery and how to have the right mindset which I think is very happy. On the whole, I am just very glad this book exists and that I got to read it.

[Frogb0i · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, hands down one of the best BOOKS I’ve ever read in my life. Everyone should read this, GP’s, family of trans people, partners of trans people and trans people themselves! I am so thankful to Finn for writing something so raw, honest and helpful for our community and for future generations. We need to talk more about the process and the journey and the emotional side of healing as well as the physical. I feel confident armed with this book now, that I will have information which can guide me through this process when the time is right for me.

[Ben Chase · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful and very moving, honest and insightful account of what it’s like to go through this process of reconstruction both mentally and physically.. the challenges as well as the joys.. for anyone considering this path, as well as those supporting them and wanting to learn more about what phalloplasty entails.. then this is an excellent book to choose.. I fully recommend it as both an educational as well as a deeply inspiring read..

[Tadhg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Invaluable. I've always been terrified of this subject, and it took me two attempts to go through this book, but it is so well told and knowing it has a "happy ending" that it was well worth paying through my personal discomfort to gain the information and most importantly lived experience this book offers

[alexander · Rating 3 out of 5]

an informative memoir on phalloplasty, if a bit cheesy at times

the only thing that bugged me was his writing on his past experience with fellow trans men, particularly in the context of his youtube, where he talks about his first experience with a man and realizing he is gay after being with a cis man. it left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, and could've been handled better imo

[Maplebean2003 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helped me decide that I indeed want phalloplasty,thank you so much for sharing your story.

[Faye Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learnt so much from this book. Huge kudos to Finn for this no holds barred account of his experience. It will surely help so many.

[Devin Gaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so grateful Finn wrote this book!

[Robyn Oliver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Started out as a Youtube channel to document and share his transition journey, Finlay then decided to also write a book. It's an incredible book about Finlay's journey first realising he's trans and then realising he wanted bottom surgery. In his own words he said he wanted to write a book that we wished he has access to when exploring bottom surgery himself. Since phalloplasty was in its relative infancy it was hard to make all of the decision with only statistics rather than trans and non-binary folks openly talking about their experiences. Also, to tackle ignorance and dispel myths of horror stories. However, it is much more than just about the physical surgery, its about dysphoria, sexuality, mental health, and your relationship with your body. The latter being, for most trans and non-binary folk, a complicated, individual, and ever evolving thing. It's a great book for anyone experiencing gender dysphoria, who wants to explore bottom surgery options, or wants to better understand the realities of trans experience in the UK. A very much needed story of trans joy!