How Should a Christian Date?: It's Not as Complicated as You Think

by Eric Demeter

No matter what you might have heard, God didn’t mandate a divine way to date. What He did do, in the Bible, is lay out principles for wise and healthy relational living among believers. His boundaries for us are wise and good. But exactly how you apply God’s principles to your dating life is up to you to figure out. All you need is guidance, not micromanagement.

How Should a Christian Date? doesn’t try to boss you around. It just offers wisdom about the relevant principles in God’s Word. Eric Demeter—a single guy who has given this subject a lot of thought—separates the truths of Scripture from the baggage of Christian dating subculture. He talks to you like a big brother or favorite uncle, not your mother. You’ll cover topics such as:

Busting 12 Myths of Christian Dating
How to Meet People & Have a Good First Date
Clearing the Fog in Sex and Physical Affection
Getting the Best from a Breakup
Take Dating One Stage at a Time

There isn’t one “Christian” way to date. But there are ways that Christians should handle themselves while dating . . . and those are the truths to live by.

Genres: Relationships

224 pages, Paperback

First published September 7, 2021

About the author

Eric has taken the best of his graduate work, his own experience, and his research to become a popular blogger and writer (view blog here). He has written on the topics of faith and dating for websites such as Boundless (Focus on the Family), Family Share, Crosswalk, and Relevant. His work has been shared on Facebook tens of thousands of times. He is always delighted when he travels overseas and meets strangers who have read his articles.

Currently, he works with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in Athens, Greece, where he disciples young people from the Middle East. Eric also teaches conflict resolution and healthy relationships to his fellow staff members and trainees. He also recently completed his first book, How Should a Christian Date? It’s Not as Complicated as You Think. This project is published by Moody Publishing and will be released on September 7th, 2021.

Reviews

[Ângela Christina Néris · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's been a joy to read this book and have the book read me so many times!

Eric writes with a keen sense of humor, great examples, and a firm commitment to the Christian wordlview. He shares his experiences and studies on dating while registering honest thoughts, sugestions and words that surely will help singles view dating in a more simple way.

I am looking forward to seeing how the Lord is going to use this book for His glory to edify His bride, the Church!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Engaging, solid, light-hearted, Biblical, and refreshing.

Having read a lot about Christian dating, most of it from women and married men, it's great to read something from a single man's perspective. You can take it as a compliment that I'm already plotting to share this book with my brothers, but I found it encouraging and helpful too.

I appreciated the balance Eric included in this book, giving honor to prayer and practical counsel, to having high standards and rejecting unreasonable expectations, to the single life and marriage, to those who've lived a life of purity and those who are starting afresh, to those who are investing a lot in dating and those who know it's time for them to wait.

And at a time when it seems that everyone's lost the script for getting from single to married, I'm glad he included a simple rubric for the five stages of dating -- not because it's the long-lost and only way to date, but because it's a very practical way to discuss and stay on the same page with the person you're dating.

Long singleness can leave you dented in spirit, but this book reminded me that God is at work, shaping us through dating bloopers and disappointments, and never coming up short on the resources we need. Let me leave you with a quote that made me laugh out loud: "If your search [for a spouse] is motivated by a fear of missing out, or you’re way past college age and live with regret that God left you behind, then first you have a theological problem. Heaven doesn’t run on a shoestring budget."

I received a free review copy of this book from Moody Publishers, but I'm genuinely delighted to recommend it

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend, a pleasure to read!
The author’s friendly, personable writing style draws you in. He has a talent to relate both light-hearted dating stories & the deeper issues that surround our relationship questions!
Each chapter is entertaining & filled with wisdom for how to treat & care for people well. Dating has a goal, a purpose to take us to a lifelong, fulfilling marriage. Ch.6 Looks at the stages of a relationship. We can have a tendency to rush full steam ahead from the rush of intense feelings, instead of considering each stage!
Full of invaluable insights, encouraging & honest, dealing with the real issues in dating, such as, do you like who you are & what you create with your boyfriend or girlfriend? A quote from ch.2, “He regularly allows unexpected twists & turns in relationships to grow you to be more like Him.”
I also found chapter 4, “Busting 12 Christian Dating Myths” so helpful. Myth #4 “You’re too picky” - I’ve personally heard this one a lot in my life, & to quote from Myth #10 “More Dating Choices Will Make You Satisfied” - “Scientific research on choice shows that the more options you have, the less satisfied you will be with whatever (or whomever) you pick.”!
This book is highly enjoyable & beneficial!

[Kyasi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not just another “How To” Christian dating book like others that you may have already read. Eric draws from a vast amount of personal experience, both humorous and some difficult and painful to him, so that others can learn from his experience. This isn’t a book that promises that if you do A, B and C, you will find your perfect mate, but in it you will find many guidelines to help you find dating success while honoring God in the process.

I found this book to be well written, easy to follow and full of possibilities for those seeking to find their perfect mate. Eric provides insight on many aspects of dating that you may have never considered and answers questions that you may not know you even had.

[Cristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're wondering how to date in a way that honors God and still allows you to have fun and freedom, this book will help set you on a great path. Eric, being a single man himself, writes in a way that offers hope and encouragement to navigate the ever-confusing (and sometimes just plain awkward) world of dating. He gives practical tips and insights into what it looks like to follow God and pursue a spouse. A great book to give to your single friends too!

[Dawn Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Counselor-level tools & ideas with a Christian foundation

An outstanding book on dating! Eric provides solid practical advice & amusing stories about the current dating scene accompanied by a helpful Christian perspective with foundational scriptural references & integration of Marriage & Family Therapy concepts. I've used some of his ideas in my psychotherapy practice already! Whether Christian or not, the tools are spot-on! I highly recommend you check out this book!

[Laura Putney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Encouraging for those of us that are past the college dating scene!!! Great principles on what to do instead of what not to do. This book encourages singles to take God seriously in dating, while not taking themselves too seriously. The author is also a friend and lives out these beliefs in his interactions with friends.

[Rach Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Engaging, authentic, and unique! This isn't your ordinary Christian dating book and I found that refreshing! Eric is a friend of mine from community in CO and I am so excited about this book getting published as many out there can really learn from the wisdom, insight, and experiences he has written about. I highly recommend this book:)

[Theresa Janzen · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest & insightful read that provides the 'why' behind the guidelines needed for navigating the dating process. If you want to enrich your dating process and build a solid foundation as you move towards a marriage-minded relationship, this book is a must read.

[Quinn Stowell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book rocks! If I had a resource like this book when I was in high school or college, it would have saved me A LOT of hurt. Written in an engaging, conversational style, this book truly has some incredible wisdom. I am lucky to have read it. Do yourself a favor and check it out!

[Kayla Olson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just started reading this book and I just don’t want to put it down! Eric is a captivating and intriguing writer! Can’t wait to finish it!

[Brett Bonomo · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author's heart for Jesus in dating shines through in this book. If you want to know what Jesus wants for you in a dating relationship, read this book!

[Jaryn Fricke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vital for those who desire to date or who are dating, and who want to do it in a way that gives glory and honor to God!

[Nicole C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am about three-fourths of the way through this book and can already confidently recommend it! It's been a fun and enlightening read so far. I'm looking forward to the rest of it; but will be a little sad at its end. :)

I've enjoyed the author's fresh perspective on the sometimes awkward arena of Christian dating. Finding a quality mate can feel daunting and hopeless. This book shines hope by providing simple and reliable guidelines by using Biblical truths, personal vulnerability, wisdom, and humor.

If you've already found your spouse, many of the principles can be applied to any relationship as well as greatly enrich your marriage. Just because you're married doesn't mean you should stop dating your spouse! As a married woman I can attest to the fact that the author's advice on dating can apply to marriage - such as: managing expectations of each other, communication, being flexible, combining values and ideals, and deciding together what your goals and outcomes should be.

This book would make a great gift or add it to your own Christmas wish list. At any rate, give this book a read. I think you'll like it as much as I do.

[Kyla Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I could give half starts I would’ve given 3 1/2.
Wisdom filled and short read that was worth my while, but nothing super ground breaking:)

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those cases where you really can judge a book by its cover. When I first saw this book advertised, I was delighted with the guy on the cover giving his friend a panicked running monologue of all the things he thought he needed to discuss with a potential love interest. It rang so true, and piqued my interest in the book. I am happy to report that the interior content lives up to the cover, and the book is full of practical, realistic, down-to-earth advice and humor. Even though many Christian books about relationships are dogmatic, systematized, and overly niche, this book is non-prescriptive and applies to people from different backgrounds and Christian denominations.

Practical Wisdom

How Should a Christian Date?: It's Not as Complicated as You Think reflects a range of different life and relationship experiences, drawing wisdom from Bible passages, research, counseling, and personal stories from the author and people he knows. Eric Demeter writes as single guy with lots of life and dating experience, and his perspective is unique and refreshing in a market mostly saturated by single women's and married people's advice. Demeter writes in clear and biblical terms about the benefits of both single and married life, and breaks down a number of common myths that Christians believe about dating and marriage. After he lays this foundation, he shares practical advice for finding a partner and pursuing marriage.

Demeter addresses core issues that people need to address within themselves and in their relationships to have a healthy dating life, and he outlines the basic stages of a relationship to help people stay on the same page with their dates instead of assuming that something is more or less serious than the other person thinks. However, he doesn't presume a specific pathway to a successful future marriage, and his framework applies in many different contexts for people with different backgrounds. This book also offers practical wisdom and advice for navigating common issues such as finding a date and asking them out, handling communication and expectations, maintaining sexual purity, handling break-ups well, and pursuing lasting love after marriage.

A Few Critiques

Every reader will approach this book from their own perspective, and different people will have different areas of agreement or disagreement with the author. Because he writes in a very casual, conversational, and open-handed style, he encourages reflective thought rather than trying to force a particular opinion on people, but I do have a few specific critiques I want to mention. These aren't deal-breakers, but they do keep me from giving the book five stars. My main concern is that when Demeter writes about "in sickness and in health," he only references the unknown future, not existing disabilities or health issues. I found this oversight disappointing, and hope that he will include insights and illustrations related to this in future writing.

I also think that this book should have included guidelines for how to tell a potential spouse about trauma or baggage from the past. Demeter references the importance of these conversations, and he encourages his readers to build a solid foundation of trust first, but I wish that he had offered specific advice for how to handle conversations like that. Also, I would question his recommendation to wait until engagement before discussing trauma or baggage. That could be wise in some cases, but in others, someone might feel manipulated that their partner waited until that stage to drop a bombshell. It would also be very painful for someone to wait until engagement to share about a challenging part of their past and then learn that their fiancé can't handle it. I think that this book would have been stronger with a chapter devoted to the nuances of this issue.

Recommendation

This is an exceptionally good Christian book about dating. I would recommend it to both teenagers and adults, and it could be great for a group of friends to read and discuss together so that they can encourage and support each other in pursuing healthy love lives. This would also be a good selection for parents to read with their teenage kids, even if both parties feel like dying of embarrassment at some points, and dating and engaged couples could greatly benefit from working through this material together and letting it spark meaningful conversations that clarify their values, goals, and future as a couple. How Should a Christian Date? is a funny, practical, engaging, and down-to-earth guide, and I highly recommend it.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Aaron C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well balanced! It’s authoritative without being bossy or arrogant. Insights are communicated confidently yet humbly. It does not claim One Ultimate “How-To” Dating Formula – but focuses on what Not to do and who you should be in Christ. The author combines heart-piercing truth with a nonjudgmental approach bathed in mercy.

The topic of Christian Dating can be off-putting to some. Do you have baggage? Have you made some regrettable mistakes? Did someone break your heart and you can’t heal? Is ‘Dating God’s Way’ a touchy subject? Don’t worry! Eric will walk you through recovering from past hurts and mistakes (and this book won’t heap on more guilt). There is forgiveness at the Cross and healing in God’s love! Your guilt and pain can be lifted. See Matthew 11:28-30 on how to find rest for your weary soul and heavy burdens.

You won’t find any finger-wagging here. In fact, Eric admits his own faults and shares many personal stories. You won’t feel condemned for being unmarried, as he says “both singleness and marriage are gifts from God.” It's possible that you may not be destined to be married; but don’t resort to singleness out of frustration or fear. Don’t give up! There is Hope. This book is saturated in it! Make sure you let God have the final say on your relationship status. Demeter also advises not to pin aspirations on marriage fulfilling you. He admonishes to seek contentment in the Lord!

It’s obvious that the author cares deeply about this topic and his readers. He keeps relationship advice in step with the Christian walk. Just like Father God, Eric wants what’s best for us. Demeter’s book can open your eyes to Biblical standards and gently lift you towards higher ideals and away from selfishness and the pull of outside influences. If you are young or new to dating, this can provide definable guidelines. Eric nicely handles sub-topics that usually are difficult for other writers (I mean, the topic of Christian Dating is awkward itself!). He adeptly tackles such areas by not offering just his opinion. He instead shares tons of research, experts’ thoughts, and covers his pages in Scripture (the ultimate Authority!).

This book contains wisdom that is not often shared in many churches. Demeter breaks down heavy ideas that seem unattainable into simply-stated possibilities, while simultaneously dispelling Christian Dating Myths. Although he wants you to be thoughtful and intentional in your approach, Eric also tells you not to overthink or overcomplicate matters (as jokingly shown on the front cover). His style is straight-forward, mixing in humor and relatable anecdotes. He’s like a cool older brother that has tons of experience combined with a wealth of knowledge at his fingertips. This guide is easy-to-read, yet has teachable material for any audience. You won’t be left unaffected or unchanged.

I’m so glad this book exists. It will help so many people! I wish someone would have discipled me through a book like this when I was young and kept me accountable to its ideals. (By the way: this book’s ideas are not anything new, independent, or radical; just Biblical truths restated in easy-to-understand and applicable ways!). Hopefully, folks who read this can avoid some of the pitfalls and hurts that I myself went through (and caused others). As a married man, I can attest that this book can benefit a married reader too. It helped soften my heart towards my wife, inspiring me to connect intimately, forgive past disappointments, and move forward into God’s plans!

I look forward to reading the rest of this book (and any future books from Eric); and I encourage you to check it out too! You can thank me later (especially if it helps you successfully date and gain the blessing of a spouse!). :)

[Faith · Rating 5 out of 5]

A straightforward conversational common sense book about Christian dating.

I'll be honest I've read a lot of these type of books as a single person just under thirty, and while this book wasn't any new or groundbreaking information, it still managed to be refreshing. I liked that the author gives his advice from his perspective as a single guy not-still-in-his-early-twenties, who wants to be married be it just hasn't happened for. I fully agreed with much of his advice, which is like I mentioned pretty common sense, and over the years I have come to similar conclusions.

Eric does a great job of taking a casual but intentional tone, centered on seeking first the kingdom of God. I liked that he wasn't pushy or had an exact method that should be followed to a T. Instead he doesn't so much tell you what to do, but gives really good advice on what you shouldn't do, all with a Christian mindset of treating others respectfully and fairly, while being honest.

Overall, I know that this doesn't sound like the most glowing rave review, mostly because there wasn't a lot that was new or a breakthrough moment for me personally. But really this book is top notch, he gets so much right and more singles should have this book in their library, there were so many times when I was reading and thinking, "Exactly! He get's it!" He manages to take the pressure off, and as a whole I left the book feeling encouraged. A well thought out and reasonable approach to Christian dating, definitely recommend.

I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

[Ben]

"It's not as complicated as you think." That is the subtitle of this book by Eric Demeter.

And yet, it doesn't feel that simple, does it? Dating is complex. It is filled with feelings, uncertainties, fears, and awkwardnesses. And though Eric says it isn't as complicated as you think, he steps into all of those complications. He steps into them with clarity and conviction.

I want to thank Eric for this resource. But I also wish it had been here a couple of decades sooner! This would have been very helpful for me to read in high school and college. These kinds of resources weren't available. Or, at least, I didn't know about them!

I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who is dating, single, hoping to date, wondering if they have the gift of singleness, considering marriage, or anyone who cares about anyone in one of those categories. We used some of this book in a series for our youth group, and it was super helpful to navigate some tough questions.

Eric doesn't shy away from any topic and enters into the conversation with grace, experience, and a wealth of earned wisdom and wisdom gleaned from others. That makes this book easily accessible for any reader. It doesn't beat you over the head for mistakes and it doesn't elevate marriage over singleness. Eric does a great job of talking about both. AND this book is absolutely filled with Scripture and biblical principles.

If you haven't picked up a copy yet, you should go grab one. You won't regret it. Give them away to everyone you know in a dating relationship or hoping to date one day!

**I received a free copy of this book from Moody Publishers in exchange for an honest review**

[Haley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m currently half way through this book, but it is already the most relatable dating (Christian and non-Christian) book I’ve read! As I approach impending doom (aka my thirties), it’s been a challenge to be a single person in the Church who feels valued just as they are by married peers — and I love that he addressed this! This book helps singles to recognize the awkward, exciting, tiresome, stretching experience that dating is — to both learn from and enjoy it while eagerly (and anxiously) waiting to meet “the one,” while enjoying being a whole person in Jesus Christ at the same time.

I appreciate that the author’s tone feels inclusive, paying attention to singles of all ages, whereas the tone of other Christian dating books feel as if they subconsciously target Bible college students in their early twenties. I love that he addresses that the stories of marriage and covenant in the Bible are not in fact case studies for dating in the twentieth century, and that the author’s own experiences and preferences are not a one size fits all rule (as I’ve often run into before!). There is so much room for inclusion and flexibility in dating within the principles and parameters of God’s loving nature and character. And it doesn’t have to be as weird or taboo as Christians have made it out to be. Thank you for writing, Eric!

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though this book is great for my single friends, I actually enjoyed it as well (married for almost 13 years)! It's an entertaining and easy read. I was able to read the entire book in one day! Eric Demeter shares stories from personal experience and adds a lot of insight gleaned from his late mentor, who was a marriage and family counselor. I love Eric's funny stories and practical advice. It seems like the book is geared more for those "older" single Christians (as opposed to teenagers), but I'm sure younger ones would find it helpful as well. I definitely recommend this book!

[Charity · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm grateful to have the opportunity to read and review this book and even more grateful for a single guy taking the initiative to write about a challenging topic! Thank you, Eric, for writing this book. Thank you for keeping in mind and valuing other singles who are seeking to love the Lord with their lives while also desiring a spouse. This is an easy read, filled with practical wisdom and written in an engaging and humorous way. I highly recommend this book to all other Christian singles navigating the dating world.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very real, thought provoking, and engaging! Honest and forward about dating, a subject on which everyone and their mother has a different opinion. Eric is witty and humorous and gives real examples from personal experiences which gives the book an intimate touch! Great read!

[Jordan Gillette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eric did such a good job writing clearly, being honest, and setting good expectations!
I read this in 3 sittings, so it went really fast and enjoyed it immensely.
As someone who is married, I feel better equipped to my friends who are dating or pursuing a relationship!

[Duane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Challenging and Informative

While the author does seem to offer the stock advice given to dating Christian couples, a great deal of his advice challenges the standard approach to dating.

[Soph · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a teenager Christian, this book was incredibly insightful as I look forwards to having romantic relationships in my life. It was well written with humor but still made many significant points when it comes to relationships.

[Brianne Kline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best dating book I have ever read. Author is incredibly descriptive and information while maintaining engaging humor. If you are looking for a Christian dating book, look no further. This one is absolutely, hands-down excellent.

[Mia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read on the topic. No notable bad advice that often comes with these type of books.

[Denysha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this one. Quite insightful and easy to read.

[Richard Greletski · Rating 5 out of 5]

first book read with Pau 💚