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With Pleasure: Managing Trauma Triggers for More Vibrant Sex and Relationships
A companion for anyone experiencing the effects of trauma, featuring true stories of survivors from a broad, inclusive range of backgrounds
With Managing Trauma Triggers for More Vibrant Sex and Relationships is a companion for anyone experiencing the effects of trauma. Through true survivor stories, expert insight, writing prompts, and grounding exercises, it explores pleasure, relationships, and community as worthy and essential antidotes in trying times.
Written by trauma-informed sex therapist Jamila Dawson, LMFT, and sexuality journalist and podcaster August McLaughlin, With Pleasure provides a much-needed alternative to harmful “self-help” ideologies that instruct people to “change their thoughts” or “choose to be happy.”
Instead, Dawson and McLaughlin encourage readers to respect their feelings, understand the complexities of a society and systems that fuel trauma, foster self-compassion, and embrace pleasure.
With Managing Trauma Triggers for More Vibrant Sex and Relationships is a companion for anyone experiencing the effects of trauma. Through true survivor stories, expert insight, writing prompts, and grounding exercises, it explores pleasure, relationships, and community as worthy and essential antidotes in trying times.
Written by trauma-informed sex therapist Jamila Dawson, LMFT, and sexuality journalist and podcaster August McLaughlin, With Pleasure provides a much-needed alternative to harmful “self-help” ideologies that instruct people to “change their thoughts” or “choose to be happy.”
Instead, Dawson and McLaughlin encourage readers to respect their feelings, understand the complexities of a society and systems that fuel trauma, foster self-compassion, and embrace pleasure.
224 pages, Paperback
Published September 14, 2021
17 people are currently reading
891 people want to read
About the author
August McLaughlin
8 books82 followersAugust McLaughlin is a journalist, author and host/producer of Girl Boner Radio, which was named “one of the best sex podcasts you should be listening to” by Romper and one of the top feminist podcasts by Bellesa.
Her articles and expertise have been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Washington Post, O: The Oprah Magazine, DailyOM, Forbes, Shape and more. August has presented for TEDx Women and the Centers for Disease Control headquarters, ghostwritten hundreds of works for gynecologists and physicians. She’s also a trauma-informed certified sex educator with related expertise in eating disorders and ADHD.
Her articles and expertise have been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Washington Post, O: The Oprah Magazine, DailyOM, Forbes, Shape and more. August has presented for TEDx Women and the Centers for Disease Control headquarters, ghostwritten hundreds of works for gynecologists and physicians. She’s also a trauma-informed certified sex educator with related expertise in eating disorders and ADHD.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
December 27, 2021
Co-written by August McLaughlin and Jamila Dawson, this new book is more expansive than the subtitle suggests. It’s an empathetic and grounded introductory guide to your healing journey as you process sexual, physical and/or emotional abuse and harm. August and Jamila include stories from patients about what healing looks like in practice, which makes it a diverse and open-minded resource. They invite you to discover and embrace what works best for you, including behavioral therapy, group therapy, medication, mirror work, ancestral spiritual practices, etc. I appreciated the warmth and encouragement the authors put into each page. The healing process can feel lonely and overwhelming, but August and Jamila remind you to center your pleasure and safety as you look toward your next chapter.
October 27, 2025
It took me forever to get through this book, but it seems like such a helpful book for helping heal sexual trauma. I wish there was more explanation about some of the materials provided in the appendix.
November 16, 2021
Can you still have sexual and sexual pleasure, after trauma? The answer in this book is an emphatic YES - while the reality is, well, it's complicated. So this brings up the question, since most humans are traumatized in some way, and our triggers are involuntary, how to we become more attuned to our bodies in GOOD ways?
"For folks who are inclined, pleasurable sex and orgasm can also help minimize stress and anxiety, while instilling a sense of bliss or peacefulness. Almost anything that engages one or more of our senses—taste, touch, smell, hearing, sight—in positive ways can invite the myriad perks of pleasure."
Some people are traumatized by sexual assault, AND many other kinds of assaults, some of which are ongoing. ACKNOWLEDGING this is huge.
"You deserve to have a life in which you feel safe and cared for and where you can trust the systems and people around you. To some extent, we can create that, but we are living in a time and place in which we cannot always rely on the systems of power around us."
Disclaimer: I'm personally acquainted with the authors.
This book is very "fat" in content, though the writing style is inviting and approachable. Still, not everyone will be comfortable with all of the chapters -and the authors emphasize that skipping around and grazing are perfectly okay.
One of the authors is a Black woman, and her insights are invaluable since she understands, better than most white folks, the added trauma of misogynoir. The people whose stories are highlighted include people of color, of different genders and attractions, of sexual desire, from asexual to hypersexual, and relationship shapes, from monogamous to polyamorous.
I highly recommend this to anyone who's been traumatized, or loves someone who has been.
"For folks who are inclined, pleasurable sex and orgasm can also help minimize stress and anxiety, while instilling a sense of bliss or peacefulness. Almost anything that engages one or more of our senses—taste, touch, smell, hearing, sight—in positive ways can invite the myriad perks of pleasure."
Some people are traumatized by sexual assault, AND many other kinds of assaults, some of which are ongoing. ACKNOWLEDGING this is huge.
"You deserve to have a life in which you feel safe and cared for and where you can trust the systems and people around you. To some extent, we can create that, but we are living in a time and place in which we cannot always rely on the systems of power around us."
Disclaimer: I'm personally acquainted with the authors.
This book is very "fat" in content, though the writing style is inviting and approachable. Still, not everyone will be comfortable with all of the chapters -and the authors emphasize that skipping around and grazing are perfectly okay.
One of the authors is a Black woman, and her insights are invaluable since she understands, better than most white folks, the added trauma of misogynoir. The people whose stories are highlighted include people of color, of different genders and attractions, of sexual desire, from asexual to hypersexual, and relationship shapes, from monogamous to polyamorous.
I highly recommend this to anyone who's been traumatized, or loves someone who has been.
October 23, 2022
Abandoned a full read at 20%—skimmed the rest. I thought this book would be promising because the entry note had affirming writing about how survivors are the experts of their own experience. However, I found the vignette’s of people’s trauma experience way more detailed then necessary (no thank you) and the unpacking section of each sort of obvious and perhaps patronizing— “you’re not alone!” “Pleasure is good!”. Read like a blog post or podcast. Deeply no thank you.
October 23, 2021
I really enjoyed this book and the examples in it. I would definitely recommend it and would like to re-read it at some point. Two chapters stood out to me in particular- the one about forgiveness and the one called “I am such a problem”. I found a lot of the things in those chapters to be relatable.
March 11, 2022
It is all-encompassing book about traumas, triggers and ultimately being pleasurable with the fact that you are a person with trauma which we all have to some extent.
October 10, 2024
The fact that one of the co-authors of this book is a journalist and podcaster should be the first red flag. This book reads like it's trying to be a podcast, and not in a good way.
The main idea of this book can be summarized as follows: "Traumatized? Find pleasure in things. Do more pleasurable things. Don't feel ashamed of it. Talk to people, take things slow, and don't beat yourself up about your own healing journey." There, I just saved you $8 - $15. Unless you like reading about other people's trauma, I guess.
There is no depth to this book, but sadly, I can't even recommend it to beginners who have never gone to therapy or never read about trauma work because 80% of this book is potentially triggering recountings of abuse/trauma scenarios.
Here are my lowlights:
1) This book barely squeaks out 200 pages. Several unnecessary sections take up an extra 50 pages, including several Pinterest-level cheap illustrations that I can only assume were placed to stretch the thin text further.
2) This book focuses on sharing stories of trauma and abuse which, while not in true-crime-level detail, are often too much considering the shallow follow-up that comes with them. This includes stories about incest, abduction, and every other horrid thing you can think of. The authors have to rely on other people's stories for the majority of the book's content, because sadly they don't actually have that much helpful to say. Whether or not the stories are too graphic is subjective, but the book is better thought of as an anthology of survivor's stories and NOT a trauma self-help book.
3) This book contains little practical advice on healing from trauma other than offering positive affirmations about your journey being unique and paradoxical. It offers absolutely NO concrete tools for creating "more vibrant sex", and "managing trauma triggers" boils down to "ground yourself, take up meditation, and ask for help".
4) The book has a casual, conversational tone that I imagine is a bleed-over from the podcast format. This sometimes leans into weird liberal caveating. Early in the book, there is a story where a woman gets in touch with her body again by going to the gym -- but don't worry, the authors are quick to reassure us that she did it for the RIGHT reasons and not for the BAD reasons (like white supremacy and fatphobia). It reads like, "Oh, she didn't try to lose weight on purpose, and she wasn't trying to look better; she just wanted to feel strong!! really! She did it for GOOD reasons!" That kind of thing felt unnecessary, and is representative of how the rest of the book feels. I find this kind of weird policing totally out of place in a self-help book. Who cares if a survivor decides losing weight would make her feel more confident? why did we interrupt a traumatic story to assure the reader the subject of the story wasn't experiencing internalized fatphobia? As a leftist this kind of thing drives me up the wall.
I would not recommend this book to anyone, and after buying it secondhand I am considering just throwing it in the recycling bin and not even trying to re-donate it.
The main idea of this book can be summarized as follows: "Traumatized? Find pleasure in things. Do more pleasurable things. Don't feel ashamed of it. Talk to people, take things slow, and don't beat yourself up about your own healing journey." There, I just saved you $8 - $15. Unless you like reading about other people's trauma, I guess.
There is no depth to this book, but sadly, I can't even recommend it to beginners who have never gone to therapy or never read about trauma work because 80% of this book is potentially triggering recountings of abuse/trauma scenarios.
Here are my lowlights:
1) This book barely squeaks out 200 pages. Several unnecessary sections take up an extra 50 pages, including several Pinterest-level cheap illustrations that I can only assume were placed to stretch the thin text further.
2) This book focuses on sharing stories of trauma and abuse which, while not in true-crime-level detail, are often too much considering the shallow follow-up that comes with them. This includes stories about incest, abduction, and every other horrid thing you can think of. The authors have to rely on other people's stories for the majority of the book's content, because sadly they don't actually have that much helpful to say. Whether or not the stories are too graphic is subjective, but the book is better thought of as an anthology of survivor's stories and NOT a trauma self-help book.
3) This book contains little practical advice on healing from trauma other than offering positive affirmations about your journey being unique and paradoxical. It offers absolutely NO concrete tools for creating "more vibrant sex", and "managing trauma triggers" boils down to "ground yourself, take up meditation, and ask for help".
4) The book has a casual, conversational tone that I imagine is a bleed-over from the podcast format. This sometimes leans into weird liberal caveating. Early in the book, there is a story where a woman gets in touch with her body again by going to the gym -- but don't worry, the authors are quick to reassure us that she did it for the RIGHT reasons and not for the BAD reasons (like white supremacy and fatphobia). It reads like, "Oh, she didn't try to lose weight on purpose, and she wasn't trying to look better; she just wanted to feel strong!! really! She did it for GOOD reasons!" That kind of thing felt unnecessary, and is representative of how the rest of the book feels. I find this kind of weird policing totally out of place in a self-help book. Who cares if a survivor decides losing weight would make her feel more confident? why did we interrupt a traumatic story to assure the reader the subject of the story wasn't experiencing internalized fatphobia? As a leftist this kind of thing drives me up the wall.
I would not recommend this book to anyone, and after buying it secondhand I am considering just throwing it in the recycling bin and not even trying to re-donate it.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews