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The Child Code: Understanding Your Child's Unique Nature for Happier, More Effective Parenting
A provocative, science-based approach to parenting centered on a child’s unique genetic “code,” from an award-winning developmental psychology professor and researcher.
With few exceptions, parenting books, websites, and podcasts emphasize the critical role of the parent in shaping a child’s destiny. But the obsession with parenting ignores a fundamental biological that genetics affect every aspect of human behavior, and every child is uniquely “coded” with predispositions that affect everything from fearfulness, to impulsivity, to happiness.
In The Child Code , award-winning professor Dr. Danielle Dick draws from her research in developmental behavior genetics to debunk the myth that parenting techniques alone can determine a child’s behavior and future. Dr. Dick introduces readers to the 3 E’s that underlie each child’s unique predisposition—extraversion (Ex), emotionality (Em), and effortful control (Ef)—and shows that, in fact, the key to raising successful adults isn’t to try harder to mold them, but to adapt your parenting strategies to the way they are wired. This powerful and fresh approach not only diminishes friction and stress in families, but sets children up for true, authentic success in life.
Each chapter unpacks the science behind this unique approach, and provides practical, individualized strategies for parents to support their child’s strengths and to help them navigate their challenges.
Reassuring, with real takeaways, The Child Code offers parents an inspiring Their biggest job is to help their children become who they were literally born to be.
With few exceptions, parenting books, websites, and podcasts emphasize the critical role of the parent in shaping a child’s destiny. But the obsession with parenting ignores a fundamental biological that genetics affect every aspect of human behavior, and every child is uniquely “coded” with predispositions that affect everything from fearfulness, to impulsivity, to happiness.
In The Child Code , award-winning professor Dr. Danielle Dick draws from her research in developmental behavior genetics to debunk the myth that parenting techniques alone can determine a child’s behavior and future. Dr. Dick introduces readers to the 3 E’s that underlie each child’s unique predisposition—extraversion (Ex), emotionality (Em), and effortful control (Ef)—and shows that, in fact, the key to raising successful adults isn’t to try harder to mold them, but to adapt your parenting strategies to the way they are wired. This powerful and fresh approach not only diminishes friction and stress in families, but sets children up for true, authentic success in life.
Each chapter unpacks the science behind this unique approach, and provides practical, individualized strategies for parents to support their child’s strengths and to help them navigate their challenges.
Reassuring, with real takeaways, The Child Code offers parents an inspiring Their biggest job is to help their children become who they were literally born to be.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published September 14, 2021
43 people are currently reading
352 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
April 3, 2023
Interesting, thought provoking, good stuff !
September 15, 2021
Smart and insightful - and (perhaps most importantly), full of humor. The Child Code offers research-based science in anecdotal form and reaches into a parent’s psyche … the things we worry about and try, hard as we might, to change… the standards we hold ourselves up to (guess what, they’re too high!) Dr. Danielle Dick is a reassuring voice and while she doesn’t promise miracles, if we all take her advice to heart, there could just be a revolution.
March 7, 2022
Parenting meets genetics in Dr Danielle Dick's insightful book, The Child Code, where she draws from her research in developmental behavioural genetics to address the fact that each child's unique set of genes influences the way they behave and react to different situations.
The first part of the book tackles the science behind what she has to say and addresses topics like the nature vs nurture debate and the relationship between our genetic makeup and our environments. Though some people might find this more theoretical part slightly boring, I personally found it quite fascinating.
In Part 2, we are introduced to the three E's that contribute to our temperaments and natural dispositions: extraversion (Ex), emotionality (Em) and effortful control (Ef). This section is really useful in helping you understand your children better as you figure out where they fall on the Ex, Em and Ef scales. This for me was the highlight of the book; so much of my son's difficult behaviour was finally making sense! If you have a high Ex, high Em, low Ef child like I do and feel like most of the parenting strategies that others have such success with don't work for you, I highly recommend reading this book because it will feel like your child's inner workings are laid bare for you. It will aid immensely in understanding and accepting them for who they are, and in doing that help you take their specific needs into account on your parenting journey.
Following this is a section on tips and strategies based on where your child falls on the Ex, Em and Ef scales. While the content in this section was not as revolutionary as I was expecting, there were still a lot of practical and easy to implement suggestions.
The Child Code is written in a thoughtful and easily digestible manner, with the author's voice coming across as very comforting and non-judgemental. The more serious matter within the book is peppered with humour and the author's own experiences with her children, making it feel all the more relatable to the reader. This is definitely a book I'll be rereading in the future.
The first part of the book tackles the science behind what she has to say and addresses topics like the nature vs nurture debate and the relationship between our genetic makeup and our environments. Though some people might find this more theoretical part slightly boring, I personally found it quite fascinating.
In Part 2, we are introduced to the three E's that contribute to our temperaments and natural dispositions: extraversion (Ex), emotionality (Em) and effortful control (Ef). This section is really useful in helping you understand your children better as you figure out where they fall on the Ex, Em and Ef scales. This for me was the highlight of the book; so much of my son's difficult behaviour was finally making sense! If you have a high Ex, high Em, low Ef child like I do and feel like most of the parenting strategies that others have such success with don't work for you, I highly recommend reading this book because it will feel like your child's inner workings are laid bare for you. It will aid immensely in understanding and accepting them for who they are, and in doing that help you take their specific needs into account on your parenting journey.
Following this is a section on tips and strategies based on where your child falls on the Ex, Em and Ef scales. While the content in this section was not as revolutionary as I was expecting, there were still a lot of practical and easy to implement suggestions.
The Child Code is written in a thoughtful and easily digestible manner, with the author's voice coming across as very comforting and non-judgemental. The more serious matter within the book is peppered with humour and the author's own experiences with her children, making it feel all the more relatable to the reader. This is definitely a book I'll be rereading in the future.
March 14, 2025
Rating: 4/5.
I really, really liked this book, and would consider it among the best out of the many parenting resources I've consumed in the past 13+ years. In fact, it's the only parenting guide I remember addressing the need for different approaches based on the child, instead of trying to sell a one-size-fits-all solution; and the only one giving us a clue as to why the popular positive parenting and natural consequences constantly backfire with one of our kids (clue: highly emotional).
The background on genetics was kept simple but was still super interesting --even for an avid reader on geneticist like me: though the concept of gene-environment interaction is well known, Ms. Dick did an excellent job at explaining the many different paths and subtly reinforcing ways in which this interaction occurs. Similarly, we've all heard a lot about extraversion vs introversion, and yet, the book helped me understand a lot better the different challenges we encounter in this household, while raising one of each.
The weakest link was the chapter on self-regulation, where advice was too scarce and generic --probably because there is no way to accelerate development of the pre-frontal cortex, so patience seems to be the key. Still, I wish Ms. Dick had taken more time to evaluate this dimension with the same detail level with which she analyzed extraversion.
Overall, though, still a worthy read, and one I wish I'd read ten years ago.
I really, really liked this book, and would consider it among the best out of the many parenting resources I've consumed in the past 13+ years. In fact, it's the only parenting guide I remember addressing the need for different approaches based on the child, instead of trying to sell a one-size-fits-all solution; and the only one giving us a clue as to why the popular positive parenting and natural consequences constantly backfire with one of our kids (clue: highly emotional).
The background on genetics was kept simple but was still super interesting --even for an avid reader on geneticist like me: though the concept of gene-environment interaction is well known, Ms. Dick did an excellent job at explaining the many different paths and subtly reinforcing ways in which this interaction occurs. Similarly, we've all heard a lot about extraversion vs introversion, and yet, the book helped me understand a lot better the different challenges we encounter in this household, while raising one of each.
The weakest link was the chapter on self-regulation, where advice was too scarce and generic --probably because there is no way to accelerate development of the pre-frontal cortex, so patience seems to be the key. Still, I wish Ms. Dick had taken more time to evaluate this dimension with the same detail level with which she analyzed extraversion.
Overall, though, still a worthy read, and one I wish I'd read ten years ago.
October 2, 2022
This is probably one of the best parenting books on dealing with kids' behavior.
The book validated my frustrations for the past few years and I felt greatly relieved that both my child and I are all good and we're just following our natural tendencies.
This is the first parenting book that I have read suggesting responding to children's behavior based on their natural tendencies (genetic code) instead of working for all positive parenting styles. The dimensions of Extrovation, Emotionality and Effortful Control are spot on for my frustrations.
We applied what we learned from the book immediately and we saw an immediate reduction of stress and an increase in confidence to work on the situation.
Thank you so much for sharing the wisdom. I wish I could have read the book much earlier.
The book validated my frustrations for the past few years and I felt greatly relieved that both my child and I are all good and we're just following our natural tendencies.
This is the first parenting book that I have read suggesting responding to children's behavior based on their natural tendencies (genetic code) instead of working for all positive parenting styles. The dimensions of Extrovation, Emotionality and Effortful Control are spot on for my frustrations.
We applied what we learned from the book immediately and we saw an immediate reduction of stress and an increase in confidence to work on the situation.
Thank you so much for sharing the wisdom. I wish I could have read the book much earlier.
May 16, 2024
I am conflicted on this one. The beginning was fine (you can’t really change your child’s innate personality, just find ways to work with it / within those parameters - aka “parent the child you have, not the one you wish you had”), but then we came to the three binary categories and I hit a wall trying to fit our own odd duck into there. (Like: Is someone who’s a total chatterbox with family but silent with strangers an introvert or extrovert?) Maybe these distinctions will become clearer with age and this book will be more useful then, but for now I mostly just feel confused and am not sure what to do with it.
February 6, 2024
A fascinating book about how genes create temperaments (extraversion, emotionality, and effort control) in children which influences how they interact with the world and the world interacts with them. This also goes through the more challenging aspects of raising kids with certain temperaments with tips on how to help guide them. I mostly loved her constant reiteration that our every action/choice as a parent doesn't have that big of an impact on our child overall and that maybe we all need to stress a little less
May 26, 2022
Rating this book feels premature in a sense because, with a baby, I’m not yet putting the concrete lessons into practice. But it’s still an easy and informative review of (1) how genes drive personality traits and (2) how that should inform parenting (concerning both your child’s and your own personalities). I will definitely revisit this book in a couple of years when its advice is more readily applicable for me.
September 10, 2024
Dobre podstawy do dalszego zrozumienia różnic między ludźmi w interakcjach społecznych, reakcjach emocjonalnych i samoświadomości wynikające z genów. W dużej mierze nasza osobość jest predefiniowana przez geny i wychowanie i otoczenie mogą to korygować i ukierunkować, ale nie zmienić czy odwrócić.
Dobra pozycja dla rodziców i osób pracujących z ludźmi.
Opisane metody parentingowe w części moim zdaniem dyskusyjne i ich szukałbym w innych książkach.
Dobra pozycja dla rodziców i osób pracujących z ludźmi.
Opisane metody parentingowe w części moim zdaniem dyskusyjne i ich szukałbym w innych książkach.
August 19, 2022
I think there’s a lot to be learned from this book, though I also felt like a lot of it was common sense. I appreciated the strategies for better interacting with children who fall in different places on the Three E scale. I did find the beginning of the book to be a bit repetitive, and honestly did a lot of skimming in some chapters, but overall I found it enjoyable and informative.
October 3, 2023
Excelente libro del inicio a la mitad; una vez descubierto el temperamento de tu hijo te da formas de crianza útiles pero muy no especiales o que no hayas intuido o incluso descubierto llendo a terapia sin embargo bien dice al inicio "es una guía práctica" que te ayuda a retomar lo visto en terapia (si vas)
July 12, 2022
Great information, unnecessary length. A lot of the information was described without need (eg. breaking down what introverted activities look like), and frequently. The meat of the book is probably about 50 pages.
March 20, 2023
Finding an evidence-based guide to rearing children can be a challenge. I have been searching for such a book for some time. Emily Oster’s books do not work for me as they are too US-centric. Child Code seems to fill this gap very well. The author is a leading behavioural geneticist, and she introduces readers to the science and practice of behaviour management. The author explains the characteristics and ways of dealing with children on different ends of the spectrum of Extraversion, Effortful Control, and Emotionality (3Es). A lot of advice seemed common-sensical and I wish the book was a bit more sciency. Overall, a good read, but the competition is not great. So far, my favourite parenting book.
August 5, 2023
Insightful for parents who want to understand genetic predispositions and how best to support their children. However it was all very verbose and the content could have been covered in a much shorter book.
March 29, 2025
Skimmed this one. Not impressed with what I read. And a couple of the parenting books she recommends make me question her own approach (although it doesn't appear she is recommending anything new; she is big on "scientific" explanations for kids' behavior).
September 20, 2025
Presenta una manera de acercarse a la crianza desde la perspectiva genética y explica cómo influye en las posteriores aproximaciones neurocientíficas y modelos educativos. Una guía clave para entender el comportamiento humano no solo de los niños, sino de los seres humanos por igual.
February 2, 2024
There are a few nuggets in here, but this truly could have/should have been a pamphlet or a TED talk.
July 8, 2024
A good introduction to aspects that are genetically driven in kids written in a thoughtful, nuanced way. The author seems like a boss which I love haha :)
August 22, 2023
Dr. Danielle Dick is a scientist in my field whose work I admire, so when she released this book recently I had to read it! I love learning about science communication, especially when it comes to genetics, so this was awesome to read.
All in all this was a fantastic book. I will absolutely be recommending it to families I work with when they’re looking for ways to parent based on their child’s developing personality (i.e., temperament). It also gave me more ideas of how to talk to families about genetics and behavior when they ask. Everything is so evidence-based and she manages to keep the material lighthearted while discussing a lot of challenges that many kids face. I was initially expecting more genetics-heavy content, but I see now that this book was much more applied in that parents can learn from their children’s genetically-influenced traits to parent them in a more effective way.
All in all this was a fantastic book. I will absolutely be recommending it to families I work with when they’re looking for ways to parent based on their child’s developing personality (i.e., temperament). It also gave me more ideas of how to talk to families about genetics and behavior when they ask. Everything is so evidence-based and she manages to keep the material lighthearted while discussing a lot of challenges that many kids face. I was initially expecting more genetics-heavy content, but I see now that this book was much more applied in that parents can learn from their children’s genetically-influenced traits to parent them in a more effective way.
July 11, 2023
El código del niño nos muestra una explicación clara y concreta del papel de los genes en el desarrollo de nuestros niños y propone una forma más inteligente y mucho más eficaz de criar a los hijos.
Danielle Dick, psicóloga del comportamiento, nos sumerge en el desconocido funcionamiento de la genética y nos explica cómo los genes conforman el carácter, la sociabilidad, el miedo, la ansiedad, la adicción o la felicidad. Cada niño tiene un código genético único que no podemos ignorar, y este libro aporta las herramientas necesarias para entender a tu hijo desde el primer día, adaptar su crianza a sus aptitudes y ayudarle a sacar todo su potencial.
Incluye cuestionarios para categorizar el comportamiento de los niños.
Danielle Dick, psicóloga del comportamiento, nos sumerge en el desconocido funcionamiento de la genética y nos explica cómo los genes conforman el carácter, la sociabilidad, el miedo, la ansiedad, la adicción o la felicidad. Cada niño tiene un código genético único que no podemos ignorar, y este libro aporta las herramientas necesarias para entender a tu hijo desde el primer día, adaptar su crianza a sus aptitudes y ayudarle a sacar todo su potencial.
Incluye cuestionarios para categorizar el comportamiento de los niños.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews