What do you think?
Rate this book
What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat
From the creator of Your Fat Friend, an explosive indictment of the systemic and cultural bias facing plus-size people that will move us toward creating an agenda for fat justice.
Anti-fatness is everywhere. In What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat, Aubrey Gordon unearths the cultural attitudes and social systems that have led to people being denied basic needs because they are fat and calls for social justice movements to be inclusive of plus-sized people's experiences. Unlike the recent wave of memoirs and quasi self-help books that encourage readers to love and accept themselves, Gordon pushes the discussion further towards authentic fat activism, which includes ending legal weight discrimination, giving equal access to health care for large people, increased access to public spaces, and ending anti-fat violence. As she argues, "I did not come to body positivity for self-esteem. I came to it for social justice."
By sharing her experiences as well as those of others--from smaller fat to very fat people--she concludes that to be fat in our society is to be seen as an undeniable failure, unlovable, unforgivable, and morally condemnable. Fatness is an open invitation for others to express disgust, fear, and insidious concern. To be fat is to be denied humanity and empathy. Studies show that fat survivors of sexual assault are less likely to be believed and less likely than their thin counterparts to report various crimes; 27% of very fat women and 13% of very fat men attempt suicide; over 50% of doctors describe their fat patients as "awkward, unattractive, ugly and noncompliant"; and in 48 states, it's legal--even routine--to deny employment because of an applicant's size.
Advancing fat justice and changing prejudicial structures and attitudes will require work from all people. What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat is a crucial tool to create a tectonic shift in the way we see, talk about, and treat our bodies, fat and thin alike.
Anti-fatness is everywhere. In What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat, Aubrey Gordon unearths the cultural attitudes and social systems that have led to people being denied basic needs because they are fat and calls for social justice movements to be inclusive of plus-sized people's experiences. Unlike the recent wave of memoirs and quasi self-help books that encourage readers to love and accept themselves, Gordon pushes the discussion further towards authentic fat activism, which includes ending legal weight discrimination, giving equal access to health care for large people, increased access to public spaces, and ending anti-fat violence. As she argues, "I did not come to body positivity for self-esteem. I came to it for social justice."
By sharing her experiences as well as those of others--from smaller fat to very fat people--she concludes that to be fat in our society is to be seen as an undeniable failure, unlovable, unforgivable, and morally condemnable. Fatness is an open invitation for others to express disgust, fear, and insidious concern. To be fat is to be denied humanity and empathy. Studies show that fat survivors of sexual assault are less likely to be believed and less likely than their thin counterparts to report various crimes; 27% of very fat women and 13% of very fat men attempt suicide; over 50% of doctors describe their fat patients as "awkward, unattractive, ugly and noncompliant"; and in 48 states, it's legal--even routine--to deny employment because of an applicant's size.
Advancing fat justice and changing prejudicial structures and attitudes will require work from all people. What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat is a crucial tool to create a tectonic shift in the way we see, talk about, and treat our bodies, fat and thin alike.
208 pages, Paperback
First published November 17, 2020
1346 people are currently reading
31683 people want to read
About the author
Aubrey Gordon
6 books1,025 followersAubrey Gordon is an American writer, columnist and podcaster, best known under the pseudonym, "Your Fat Friend".
She is a columnist for Self magazine, a co-host of the podcast "Maintenance Phase".
She is a columnist for Self magazine, a co-host of the podcast "Maintenance Phase".
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,553 reviews
June 26, 2020
Few writers approach the realities of living in a fat body, the pernicious nature of fatphobia, and what it would take for our culture to radically re-imagine our relationships to our bodies than Aubrey Gordon, who you may know online as Your Fat Friend. In her debut essay collection, What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat, Gordon has crafted a manifesto on unapologetic fatness and fat justice. Her cultural criticism about bodies is timely, elegant, searing. This book is required reading for absolutely everyone. The wisdom Gordon offers in these pages is going to irrevocably change fat discourse and it comes not a moment too soon.
September 30, 2021
This book is important!
And I definitely need more stars on my scale... this is another book where I can't quite pick between two or three stars. On the one hand, I can't quite say that I "liked" it, but I also feel like it's worth more than a simple "it was ok."
The book is reasonably well written in a very relatable tone. I can definitely understand that the author hit home in shorter form writing. However, it would benefit from a better structure - something I find particularly helpful in non-fiction books. That said, it's still easy to read and very digestible, if incredibly depressing.
Based on other reviews, I can definitely tell that I'm not quite seeing the same hopefulness that others do. I find the content distressing on so many levels. First and foremost, the vitriol and hate that Gordon describes should never ever be allowed to happen - in whichever form, for whatever reason, by whoever. She also describes a fat person’s perspective on the "health industry" - that I loath with my entire being -as well as a health care system that doesn't see people as patients in need and worthy of care, and a legislative system that does more harm than good in the areas of food and nutrition.
Sadly, most of the issues she describes, including the ones I mention above, are pervasive problems that are more norm than exception for so many people - regardless of size. The biggest and most important issue that this book deals with though, is perceptions. We as individuals and as societies have to see people as people, not as imagined characteristics.
Gordon is of course right, in the vast majority of cases, fat people are not ultimately the ones "at fault" for their size. Fat people are not inherently lazy or somehow "bad people" just because they're fat. There are plenty of societal and medical reasons behind why one might be fat. Whether this is a food system that subsidizes all the wrong foods for all the wrong reasons, the constant barrage of crap food and diet/fitness culture advertisements, health care for profit, a slew of metabolic disorders, or any other of a plethora of reasons.
Regardless, even if fat people were entirely and solely responsible for their size, that would not warrant the abuse many receive due to their size.
So far, Gordon and I are in agreement.
However, Gordon seems to swear off all individual accountability, and she completely disregards other people's perspectives. While we should foster civil behavior and make damn sure we treat our fellow humans as people, we can't ignore some uncomfortable facts either.
Just to mention three..
1. Obesity (and yes, I do understand that some find that word offensive, but it is also the medical term to date, so in this instance I use it for definition purposes) does come with increased risks for a slew of medical conditions. That doesn't mean all fat people are sick and all skinny people are healthy, but it does mean that fat people, on average, are sicker than non fat people. Many medical procedures are also more dangerous to perform on fat people. This doesn't mean that I think it's ok to discriminate against treating fat people, but it makes it more understandable why doctors and insurance companies in the lawsuit-ridden profit-driven American health care system do so.
2. While fat people are not originally to blame for their size - and some aren't at all - most can do more to prevent getting bigger. Calories in versus calories out still applies, even if one's metabolic system has taken a hit and/or other medical conditions make it harder. The quality of calories make a difference as well. While one might not be willing or able to make the changes necessary, that doesn't mean that nothing can be done to lose weight. It doesn't mean someone is lazy or undisciplined for being fat, but to completely swear off responsibility isn't helping either.
Weight loss diets don't generally work, true, but most people that make wholesale lifestyle/dietary changes almost always see some results. The problem is that these lifestyle/dietary changes have to be permanent. One big reason that diet culture and quick fixes are so popular is that we (people/humans, fat and non fat) are really attracted to things that are easy and quick. Gordon herself describes this in her book. She mentions how she tried every diet there is. This, of course, means that she didn't stick to any of them. To be fair, many of the diets she mentioned aren't healthy in a long term perspective, but that's a good indicator that those aren't diets to try in the first place.
And finally, to respond to a point in the book, gaining muscle but not losing weight is still a positive thing.
Also, if we continue to normalize unhealthy diets (regardless of whether we are fat or not), which includes eating too much of "healthy" foods, this will impact our children as well. By not addressing healthy eating habits through practice at home, our children learn our bad habits - this is, of course, true in everything parents do and say.
3. On an even more sensitive topic, yes, sometimes one's size really can inconvenience other people. This doesn't mean that we should be assholes about pointing this out, nor does it give permission to arbitrarily discriminate for no reason, but it doesn't change the fact that size - height, width, and weight - restrictions often exist for a reason. We can argue for increased size on that which is "standard" in any given situation, which Gordon does, but how inclusive should we be?
We've talked about people who are larger than average, what about people who are really small in some way; is it, for example, discriminatory against short people to have shelves they cannot reach in the grocery store?
To use myself as another example: Personally, I cannot buy just any car. I am too tall (and I'm much closer to the height average than someone who weighs 350lbs is to the weight average). Is that discrimination? Like Gordon, since I do not fit, I cannot fly economy on certain airlines, so I have to purchase a seat with more leg space. Is that discrimination?
I would not argue that I am being discriminated against in these instances, it's simply that I exceed the size of my allotted space. That is, unless I purchase more of it. And just as I understand that there are those who complain when my legs infringe on their space because I cannot fit the legs without "manspreading" - due to legroom deficits - I would expect that it's fairly easy to understand someone's protest if/when a significant portion of their seat is occupied by someone else - due to width deficits. In neither case does the situation warrant assholery, but in both cases the one taking up extra space most definitely inconvenience the other.
With all that said:
I get that me saying some of these things might get me sorted into a fat phobic folder by some. That sucks. But I do not like when people are being told that there's nothing they can do - there is always something one can do. And I do not like one-sided thinking, regardless whether it's fat phobic or the exact opposite.
I hope that anyone reading this will take Gordon's book as an inspiration and a tool to deal with misconceptions, vitriol, trauma, and other negatives. And my review as a small counterpoint to the resignation, victim-hood, and anger I feel that Gordon has taken to heart in order to try to heal herself.
Potentially being sorted into a folder I do not feel like I belong in leads me to another point that I take issue with in the book. Assuming others' feelings without asking or engaging in conversation, and attributing thoughts to others that they have never spoken or shared, is neither constructive nor fair to anyone. That applies to all of us.
Anyhow, if people only take one thing away from this book, I hope it is the decency to treat others with respect, to see all people as people.
Regardless of size.
And I definitely need more stars on my scale... this is another book where I can't quite pick between two or three stars. On the one hand, I can't quite say that I "liked" it, but I also feel like it's worth more than a simple "it was ok."
The book is reasonably well written in a very relatable tone. I can definitely understand that the author hit home in shorter form writing. However, it would benefit from a better structure - something I find particularly helpful in non-fiction books. That said, it's still easy to read and very digestible, if incredibly depressing.
Based on other reviews, I can definitely tell that I'm not quite seeing the same hopefulness that others do. I find the content distressing on so many levels. First and foremost, the vitriol and hate that Gordon describes should never ever be allowed to happen - in whichever form, for whatever reason, by whoever. She also describes a fat person’s perspective on the "health industry" - that I loath with my entire being -as well as a health care system that doesn't see people as patients in need and worthy of care, and a legislative system that does more harm than good in the areas of food and nutrition.
Sadly, most of the issues she describes, including the ones I mention above, are pervasive problems that are more norm than exception for so many people - regardless of size. The biggest and most important issue that this book deals with though, is perceptions. We as individuals and as societies have to see people as people, not as imagined characteristics.
Gordon is of course right, in the vast majority of cases, fat people are not ultimately the ones "at fault" for their size. Fat people are not inherently lazy or somehow "bad people" just because they're fat. There are plenty of societal and medical reasons behind why one might be fat. Whether this is a food system that subsidizes all the wrong foods for all the wrong reasons, the constant barrage of crap food and diet/fitness culture advertisements, health care for profit, a slew of metabolic disorders, or any other of a plethora of reasons.
Regardless, even if fat people were entirely and solely responsible for their size, that would not warrant the abuse many receive due to their size.
So far, Gordon and I are in agreement.
However, Gordon seems to swear off all individual accountability, and she completely disregards other people's perspectives. While we should foster civil behavior and make damn sure we treat our fellow humans as people, we can't ignore some uncomfortable facts either.
Just to mention three..
1. Obesity (and yes, I do understand that some find that word offensive, but it is also the medical term to date, so in this instance I use it for definition purposes) does come with increased risks for a slew of medical conditions. That doesn't mean all fat people are sick and all skinny people are healthy, but it does mean that fat people, on average, are sicker than non fat people. Many medical procedures are also more dangerous to perform on fat people. This doesn't mean that I think it's ok to discriminate against treating fat people, but it makes it more understandable why doctors and insurance companies in the lawsuit-ridden profit-driven American health care system do so.
2. While fat people are not originally to blame for their size - and some aren't at all - most can do more to prevent getting bigger. Calories in versus calories out still applies, even if one's metabolic system has taken a hit and/or other medical conditions make it harder. The quality of calories make a difference as well. While one might not be willing or able to make the changes necessary, that doesn't mean that nothing can be done to lose weight. It doesn't mean someone is lazy or undisciplined for being fat, but to completely swear off responsibility isn't helping either.
Weight loss diets don't generally work, true, but most people that make wholesale lifestyle/dietary changes almost always see some results. The problem is that these lifestyle/dietary changes have to be permanent. One big reason that diet culture and quick fixes are so popular is that we (people/humans, fat and non fat) are really attracted to things that are easy and quick. Gordon herself describes this in her book. She mentions how she tried every diet there is. This, of course, means that she didn't stick to any of them. To be fair, many of the diets she mentioned aren't healthy in a long term perspective, but that's a good indicator that those aren't diets to try in the first place.
And finally, to respond to a point in the book, gaining muscle but not losing weight is still a positive thing.
Also, if we continue to normalize unhealthy diets (regardless of whether we are fat or not), which includes eating too much of "healthy" foods, this will impact our children as well. By not addressing healthy eating habits through practice at home, our children learn our bad habits - this is, of course, true in everything parents do and say.
3. On an even more sensitive topic, yes, sometimes one's size really can inconvenience other people. This doesn't mean that we should be assholes about pointing this out, nor does it give permission to arbitrarily discriminate for no reason, but it doesn't change the fact that size - height, width, and weight - restrictions often exist for a reason. We can argue for increased size on that which is "standard" in any given situation, which Gordon does, but how inclusive should we be?
We've talked about people who are larger than average, what about people who are really small in some way; is it, for example, discriminatory against short people to have shelves they cannot reach in the grocery store?
To use myself as another example: Personally, I cannot buy just any car. I am too tall (and I'm much closer to the height average than someone who weighs 350lbs is to the weight average). Is that discrimination? Like Gordon, since I do not fit, I cannot fly economy on certain airlines, so I have to purchase a seat with more leg space. Is that discrimination?
I would not argue that I am being discriminated against in these instances, it's simply that I exceed the size of my allotted space. That is, unless I purchase more of it. And just as I understand that there are those who complain when my legs infringe on their space because I cannot fit the legs without "manspreading" - due to legroom deficits - I would expect that it's fairly easy to understand someone's protest if/when a significant portion of their seat is occupied by someone else - due to width deficits. In neither case does the situation warrant assholery, but in both cases the one taking up extra space most definitely inconvenience the other.
With all that said:
I get that me saying some of these things might get me sorted into a fat phobic folder by some. That sucks. But I do not like when people are being told that there's nothing they can do - there is always something one can do. And I do not like one-sided thinking, regardless whether it's fat phobic or the exact opposite.
I hope that anyone reading this will take Gordon's book as an inspiration and a tool to deal with misconceptions, vitriol, trauma, and other negatives. And my review as a small counterpoint to the resignation, victim-hood, and anger I feel that Gordon has taken to heart in order to try to heal herself.
Potentially being sorted into a folder I do not feel like I belong in leads me to another point that I take issue with in the book. Assuming others' feelings without asking or engaging in conversation, and attributing thoughts to others that they have never spoken or shared, is neither constructive nor fair to anyone. That applies to all of us.
Anyhow, if people only take one thing away from this book, I hope it is the decency to treat others with respect, to see all people as people.
Regardless of size.
April 16, 2021
Yes, yes, yes. This book is very good and very necessary. It addresses fat phobia, harassment of fat people, intersections of fat phobia with racism and misogyny, systemic anti-fat bias as it affects everything from employment to good health care, and much more. Gordon offers incisive critiques combined with personal stories for a book that isn't terribly long but certainly packs a punch.
She talks about how the real effects of anti-fat bias tend to exist on a sliding scale with the worst of it often being directed at the very fat. She talks about actual research that shows dieting to be statistically abysmal in helping people to lose significant amounts of weight and keep it off, research on how cycling through weight loss and gain actually HARMS your metabolism and makes it harder to lose or even maintain a weight, research showing that the abuse and bias faced by fat people makes them LESS likely to engage in healthy behaviors, research showing that despite the public discourse that fat people are supposedly unattractive, fat porn is one of the MOST SEARCHED types and this is clearly less about actual attraction and more about social posturing. All this and so much more.
She also calls the fact that verbal abuse and harassment of fat people out of "concern" is really more about making the abuser feel good about themselves not being fat than about doing anything helpful for the person experiencing said abuse. She talks about how public shaming can make fat kids less likely to engage in physical activity or sports as they approach adolescence, how depression and anxiety due to abuse and harassment can lead to coping behaviors such as comfort eating.
She also talks about the misconceptions that 1) all fat people are fat by choice (this frequently isn't true as genetics and poverty are huge indicators) 2) all fat people eat junk food and sugar all the time (this also often isn't true) 3) the BMI is a good measure of healthy weight (it's actually based on the work of a racist eugenicist looking at primarily white male bodies, adopted by insurance companies for actuarial tables, then by doctors, and the numbers for "normal" weight ranges have been arbitrarily lowered more than once, possibly in response to the very powerful weight loss industry lobby).
The more I read about these topics, the more I realize how harmful and endemic this stuff is. I related to her experience of joining Weight Watchers as a teenager (when looking back I was actually pretty thin) being in a room of mostly middle aged women, learning how to obsess over what I was and wasn't eating, learning public shame over perceived failure, learning to hate my still developing body. Now in my mid-30's I am FINALLY developing a healthy relationship with food and with my body. Accepting that I am and probably always will be fat to some degree, and that's not a value judgement, it's just a descriptor.
The irony? Finally letting go of rules for eating and being more intuitive, moving my body in joyful ways, not obsessing all the time about what I'm going to eat for the next meal or snack, and my weight has actually stabilized. AND for maybe the first time in my life I can stop eating something like a donut because I just don't want any more and I'm done. Internalized shame is a big part of what causes binging and other eating disorders, and yes, fat people absolutely can have eating disorders and they often go untreated because they are fat. Gordon discusses orthorexia, an eating disorder where you become obsessed with reading ingredient labels and eating things considered good or pure. It can be incredibly harmful, but it probably sounds pretty damn familiar. Wonderful book. Everyone should read it and really sit with it.
She talks about how the real effects of anti-fat bias tend to exist on a sliding scale with the worst of it often being directed at the very fat. She talks about actual research that shows dieting to be statistically abysmal in helping people to lose significant amounts of weight and keep it off, research on how cycling through weight loss and gain actually HARMS your metabolism and makes it harder to lose or even maintain a weight, research showing that the abuse and bias faced by fat people makes them LESS likely to engage in healthy behaviors, research showing that despite the public discourse that fat people are supposedly unattractive, fat porn is one of the MOST SEARCHED types and this is clearly less about actual attraction and more about social posturing. All this and so much more.
She also calls the fact that verbal abuse and harassment of fat people out of "concern" is really more about making the abuser feel good about themselves not being fat than about doing anything helpful for the person experiencing said abuse. She talks about how public shaming can make fat kids less likely to engage in physical activity or sports as they approach adolescence, how depression and anxiety due to abuse and harassment can lead to coping behaviors such as comfort eating.
She also talks about the misconceptions that 1) all fat people are fat by choice (this frequently isn't true as genetics and poverty are huge indicators) 2) all fat people eat junk food and sugar all the time (this also often isn't true) 3) the BMI is a good measure of healthy weight (it's actually based on the work of a racist eugenicist looking at primarily white male bodies, adopted by insurance companies for actuarial tables, then by doctors, and the numbers for "normal" weight ranges have been arbitrarily lowered more than once, possibly in response to the very powerful weight loss industry lobby).
The more I read about these topics, the more I realize how harmful and endemic this stuff is. I related to her experience of joining Weight Watchers as a teenager (when looking back I was actually pretty thin) being in a room of mostly middle aged women, learning how to obsess over what I was and wasn't eating, learning public shame over perceived failure, learning to hate my still developing body. Now in my mid-30's I am FINALLY developing a healthy relationship with food and with my body. Accepting that I am and probably always will be fat to some degree, and that's not a value judgement, it's just a descriptor.
The irony? Finally letting go of rules for eating and being more intuitive, moving my body in joyful ways, not obsessing all the time about what I'm going to eat for the next meal or snack, and my weight has actually stabilized. AND for maybe the first time in my life I can stop eating something like a donut because I just don't want any more and I'm done. Internalized shame is a big part of what causes binging and other eating disorders, and yes, fat people absolutely can have eating disorders and they often go untreated because they are fat. Gordon discusses orthorexia, an eating disorder where you become obsessed with reading ingredient labels and eating things considered good or pure. It can be incredibly harmful, but it probably sounds pretty damn familiar. Wonderful book. Everyone should read it and really sit with it.
June 9, 2023
A wonderful book about dismantling fatphobia replete with strong, clear writing. Aubrey Gordon does a nice job of blending personal memoir, media analysis, and scientific research in What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat. She shares about so many pressing, disturbing issues faced by fat people – horrifying physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, how people express “concern” as a way to criticize fat folks’ bodies, how thin people report feeling shame for their attraction toward fat people, and more. She cogently discusses how fatphobia intersects with other forms of oppression such as anti-Black racism, misogyny, and transphobia. I’m moved both by her courage in sharing her lived experience and speaking out about this stigmatized topic, and I’m impressed with her dedication to promoting fat justice. I’m excited to check out her podcast, The Maintenance Phase!
May 3, 2021
Definitely a must read. If you follow me on Instagram then you have seen my stories talking about my own body image issues and trying to fight against everything society has brainwashed me to believe. I was recommended this book and I'm glad I read it.
I read Fearing The Black Body by Sabrina Strings in March, another great read as well. But this one was different because the woman writing the story is a fat woman. I learned so much about terms that fat people have "taken back" and ones that are very hurtful. Some information I knew, like the bullshit history of the BMI, but a lot of information was new to me including how they shifted the weight categories for the BMI and how they use it to deny health insurance coverage to many people. As if I didn't have enough reasons to hate the world and America specifically, UGH. Also, hearing Aubrey's experiences because she is a fat woman. I want to say I "can't" believe people say and do these things but I know they happen because some people are just vile creatures.
I have a lot to work on mentally but this was a great start to my "re-education" efforts.
ALSO. Listen to her podcast: Maintenance Phase !
I read Fearing The Black Body by Sabrina Strings in March, another great read as well. But this one was different because the woman writing the story is a fat woman. I learned so much about terms that fat people have "taken back" and ones that are very hurtful. Some information I knew, like the bullshit history of the BMI, but a lot of information was new to me including how they shifted the weight categories for the BMI and how they use it to deny health insurance coverage to many people. As if I didn't have enough reasons to hate the world and America specifically, UGH. Also, hearing Aubrey's experiences because she is a fat woman. I want to say I "can't" believe people say and do these things but I know they happen because some people are just vile creatures.
I have a lot to work on mentally but this was a great start to my "re-education" efforts.
ALSO. Listen to her podcast: Maintenance Phase !
July 8, 2020
I follow Aubrey Gordon / Your Fat Friend on Twitter, and I have always been grateful for the insights posted there. So when I saw this ARC available on Edelweiss, I immediately downloaded it. I found myself being educated thoroughly on the world of fat-shaming and anti-fatness. I couldn't believe the lack of empathy towards Gordon and other fat people, who are our fellow human beings. I now know where to spot fat-shaming when I see it, and I know how to call it out in support of my fat friends. This is a quick and thorough read, well-researched and intersectional. I learned a lot and highly recommend this book to those who want to learn more about this topic.
May 28, 2024
I have many feelings about this book, but I'll try to keep it relatively brief.
First of all, this is a harrowing read, and no one deserves to be treated the way Gordon has been treated, point blank. The stories Gordon shares in this book are horrifying and disgusting examples of human behaviour, and I'm disappointed (but not surprised) that people can be so unfeeling and cruel.
Secondly, the way this book was presented was a bit chaotic and repetitive and didn't address the systemic issues at play as much as I had expected and hoped. I would have loved more exploration of intersectional oppression between anti-fat bias, misogyny, racism, homophobia, ableism, and more. There are moments where Gordon starts to go there - especially in the chapter that addresses sexual violence - but I wish she'd gone further. It could be that I'm already relatively well-educated on the basics of these topics, so I'm craving a more complex, nuanced exploration, but alas. I imagine that this would be a much better fit for someone new to these topics (or someone looking to read an experience that validates their own and provides a certain amount of understanding and catharsis).
Thirdly, this was a difficult and somewhat triggering read as a person in recovery from an eating disorder, which definitely heavily impacted my emotional reaction to the book. There is a lot of discussion of dieting, calories, 'good' and 'bad' foods, weight loss programs, eating disorders, etc., and it was rough to get through. I had to take lots of breaks and speed up the narration to get through certain portions that were causing an intense visceral physical reaction. I can't recommend this book to anyone currently fighting an ED or early in recovery for that reason.
I liked the commentary on the ways the mainstream body positivity movement fails fat people and the ways it has been co-opted by (mostly) straight-sized, conventionally attractive white women. While I am personally grateful to the body positivity/neutrality movement for helping me in my ED recovery, I also understand that my experiences with body dysmorphia and body shaming are worlds away from what fat people experience and that they deserve a movement tailored to their specific challenges - whether that be under the banner of fat acceptance, body sovereignty, fat justice, or another name.
Speaking of eating disorders, while I am sure that dealing with an eating disorder while in a bigger body would be incredibly difficult and result in far less compassion and support than people deserve, I want to push back against the idea that dealing with an eating disorder while thin results in an overwhelming amount of support and compassion as the author states. Unfortunately, I know this from first-hand experience. Eating disorders are almost universally derided and belittled despite being the category of mental illness with the highest rate of death. No matter what your size, you will struggle to find compassion and support for an eating disorder from the vast majority of people. I am sure that those who look more traditionally "sick" would be more likely to get the care needed from medical professionals once that care is sought, and that is wrong and needs to be addressed within the medical community, but I can (sadly) say from personal experience that most people are not willing to provide compassion and support to anyone suffering from an ED.
A little nitpick addendum here: veganism is not orthorexia, and I'm getting tired of having to explain that while someone might call themselves vegan and use that label as a way to justify disordered eating, veganism itself is not disordered eating, nor is it a restrictive diet. As someone who has had an eating disorder and made it through, and is now a decade into both recovery and veganism, I feel I can speak to this. I won't get into the weeds here, but I was taken aback to hear "cutting out meat and dairy" listed as an example of orthorexia in this book.
Lastly, I was shocked and dismayed to read about the way Gordon's friends reacted to her sharing her experiences with anti-fat bias and fatphobia by diminishing, excusing, and dismissing them. I believe Gordon's experiences and also believe she needs to find better friends because I can't imagine ever dismissing a loved one's pain that way, ever and for any reason. I don't need to have experienced anti-fat bias, bullying, or abuse first-hand to know it happens and it isn't okay, and the fact that her friends immediately jump to defending the person who is verbally assaulting someone who they apparently care about is a huge red flag.
Overall, this book had some great moments, but it wasn't as comprehensive as I had hoped.
Trigger/Content Warnings: fatphobia, bullying, diet culture, eating disorders, racism, misogyny, institutionalization, ableism, antisemitism, xenophobia, misogynoir, healthism
You can find me on...
Youtube | Instagram | TikTok
You can join our book club over on Patreon...
PBB Book Club
First of all, this is a harrowing read, and no one deserves to be treated the way Gordon has been treated, point blank. The stories Gordon shares in this book are horrifying and disgusting examples of human behaviour, and I'm disappointed (but not surprised) that people can be so unfeeling and cruel.
Secondly, the way this book was presented was a bit chaotic and repetitive and didn't address the systemic issues at play as much as I had expected and hoped. I would have loved more exploration of intersectional oppression between anti-fat bias, misogyny, racism, homophobia, ableism, and more. There are moments where Gordon starts to go there - especially in the chapter that addresses sexual violence - but I wish she'd gone further. It could be that I'm already relatively well-educated on the basics of these topics, so I'm craving a more complex, nuanced exploration, but alas. I imagine that this would be a much better fit for someone new to these topics (or someone looking to read an experience that validates their own and provides a certain amount of understanding and catharsis).
Thirdly, this was a difficult and somewhat triggering read as a person in recovery from an eating disorder, which definitely heavily impacted my emotional reaction to the book. There is a lot of discussion of dieting, calories, 'good' and 'bad' foods, weight loss programs, eating disorders, etc., and it was rough to get through. I had to take lots of breaks and speed up the narration to get through certain portions that were causing an intense visceral physical reaction. I can't recommend this book to anyone currently fighting an ED or early in recovery for that reason.
I liked the commentary on the ways the mainstream body positivity movement fails fat people and the ways it has been co-opted by (mostly) straight-sized, conventionally attractive white women. While I am personally grateful to the body positivity/neutrality movement for helping me in my ED recovery, I also understand that my experiences with body dysmorphia and body shaming are worlds away from what fat people experience and that they deserve a movement tailored to their specific challenges - whether that be under the banner of fat acceptance, body sovereignty, fat justice, or another name.
Speaking of eating disorders, while I am sure that dealing with an eating disorder while in a bigger body would be incredibly difficult and result in far less compassion and support than people deserve, I want to push back against the idea that dealing with an eating disorder while thin results in an overwhelming amount of support and compassion as the author states. Unfortunately, I know this from first-hand experience. Eating disorders are almost universally derided and belittled despite being the category of mental illness with the highest rate of death. No matter what your size, you will struggle to find compassion and support for an eating disorder from the vast majority of people. I am sure that those who look more traditionally "sick" would be more likely to get the care needed from medical professionals once that care is sought, and that is wrong and needs to be addressed within the medical community, but I can (sadly) say from personal experience that most people are not willing to provide compassion and support to anyone suffering from an ED.
A little nitpick addendum here: veganism is not orthorexia, and I'm getting tired of having to explain that while someone might call themselves vegan and use that label as a way to justify disordered eating, veganism itself is not disordered eating, nor is it a restrictive diet. As someone who has had an eating disorder and made it through, and is now a decade into both recovery and veganism, I feel I can speak to this. I won't get into the weeds here, but I was taken aback to hear "cutting out meat and dairy" listed as an example of orthorexia in this book.
Lastly, I was shocked and dismayed to read about the way Gordon's friends reacted to her sharing her experiences with anti-fat bias and fatphobia by diminishing, excusing, and dismissing them. I believe Gordon's experiences and also believe she needs to find better friends because I can't imagine ever dismissing a loved one's pain that way, ever and for any reason. I don't need to have experienced anti-fat bias, bullying, or abuse first-hand to know it happens and it isn't okay, and the fact that her friends immediately jump to defending the person who is verbally assaulting someone who they apparently care about is a huge red flag.
Overall, this book had some great moments, but it wasn't as comprehensive as I had hoped.
Trigger/Content Warnings: fatphobia, bullying, diet culture, eating disorders, racism, misogyny, institutionalization, ableism, antisemitism, xenophobia, misogynoir, healthism
You can find me on...
Youtube | Instagram | TikTok
You can join our book club over on Patreon...
PBB Book Club
December 20, 2021
10 stars, out of 5.
I know it’s early, but I already know this book is going to be my favourite books of the year (& maybe ever).
As a fat woman (of colour) - it was so powerful to see myself in this book, and to read about fatness and anti-fat bias in such an important way - and beyond the way most popular media looks at fat positivity - which is through a lens of self love and acceptance, and challenging beauty standards.
Don’t get me wrong... It can be really empowering to see people call for self love, and fat women pose in bikinis... However, it was immensely validating to read about the ways bodies like mine are met with bias, oppression, & violence - through meticulous, and accessible research, and compelling & vulnerable anecdotes.
The truth is: fat people - our concerns, our issues, the barriers we face, are so often forgotten or dismissed by others. Fatness has been turned into an epidemic, and a moral failure. We are dehumanized, belittled, and disregarded in so many ways - not just institutionally, but in the eyes of the world around us.
This book does a great job of laying out the structures & systems that contribute to fatness, & the ways that anti-fat bias harms - through extensive research, real world examples, & a powerful vulnerability.
While reading this book, I learnt, and raged, and grieved, and grew, and rejoiced. I found power in Gordon’s words, so much so that every time I read this book, I kept my highlighter uncapped, simply because I used it so much. I got so much out of this book - in ways I never expected, and I never knew I needed. I’ve even bookmarked passages to show my therapist, because this book helped me understand things about living in my body, that I hadn’t previously understood.
This book was challenging, informative, vulnerable, powerful, relatable, and NEEDED. I haven’t been able to stop thinking or talking about it, and I think it should be required reading - for fat and straight size people alike.
I know it’s early, but I already know this book is going to be my favourite books of the year (& maybe ever).
As a fat woman (of colour) - it was so powerful to see myself in this book, and to read about fatness and anti-fat bias in such an important way - and beyond the way most popular media looks at fat positivity - which is through a lens of self love and acceptance, and challenging beauty standards.
Don’t get me wrong... It can be really empowering to see people call for self love, and fat women pose in bikinis... However, it was immensely validating to read about the ways bodies like mine are met with bias, oppression, & violence - through meticulous, and accessible research, and compelling & vulnerable anecdotes.
The truth is: fat people - our concerns, our issues, the barriers we face, are so often forgotten or dismissed by others. Fatness has been turned into an epidemic, and a moral failure. We are dehumanized, belittled, and disregarded in so many ways - not just institutionally, but in the eyes of the world around us.
This book does a great job of laying out the structures & systems that contribute to fatness, & the ways that anti-fat bias harms - through extensive research, real world examples, & a powerful vulnerability.
While reading this book, I learnt, and raged, and grieved, and grew, and rejoiced. I found power in Gordon’s words, so much so that every time I read this book, I kept my highlighter uncapped, simply because I used it so much. I got so much out of this book - in ways I never expected, and I never knew I needed. I’ve even bookmarked passages to show my therapist, because this book helped me understand things about living in my body, that I hadn’t previously understood.
This book was challenging, informative, vulnerable, powerful, relatable, and NEEDED. I haven’t been able to stop thinking or talking about it, and I think it should be required reading - for fat and straight size people alike.
August 3, 2022
If I could give this zero stars, I would. This is a DNF, at 44%. Couldn’t be bothered to waste any more of my time. I am all for body positivity, body acceptance, examining cultural beliefs around fat bodies, combating fat phobia..but this book, dear GOD. It was AWFUL. She was transphobic (as a cis woman, stating “transphobia is a thing of the past” — not our place as cis women, let trans folks speak to if it’s “magically” disappeared). She adopts a viewpoint drenched in victimhood, to the point where I wanted to throw the book across the room.
She cited study after study, that when looked up (which I bet she didn’t think readers would bother to do)— she had cherry picked from to make her point,- leaving out vital info that contradicted the claims she was pulling out of her bum. My favorite ridiculous claim was: “exercise has long been known to be ineffective as a weight-loss method”.
She goes on to claim that genes make people fat,- not environment, social class (& therefore access to healthy food, healthcare, etc). She quotes an article saying “So far, investigators have found more than 25 genes with such powerful effects that if one is mutated, a person is pretty much guaranteed to become obese”. But I went to the article and read the whole study and the NEXT line says “But those genetic disorders are rare. It is more likely that people inherit a collection of genes, each of which predispose them to a small weight gain in the right environment”. She did this over and over again, making bogus claims, picking and choosing quotes to support the message she wanted
She says “Should my body cost an airline more, it is not my responsibility to pay them”- but well, yes. If you are a bigger size, be it by choice or not, you will need to pay for the extra space you are taking up. Yes @ the author, it is indeed possible for your size to genuinely inconvenience others. If as an average-sized person I am taking up someone else’s seat space - that’s not ok. It’s not ok for you to do it either. I agree airlines shouldn’t be shrinking seats but that doesn’t mean you get to take up other people’s seats. They paid for their space. Physical boundaries are valid. If I don’t want you touching me, you don’t get to touch me.
This is full of her complaining and reading it is like a whiny mosquito in your ear.
She cited study after study, that when looked up (which I bet she didn’t think readers would bother to do)— she had cherry picked from to make her point,- leaving out vital info that contradicted the claims she was pulling out of her bum. My favorite ridiculous claim was: “exercise has long been known to be ineffective as a weight-loss method”.
She goes on to claim that genes make people fat,- not environment, social class (& therefore access to healthy food, healthcare, etc). She quotes an article saying “So far, investigators have found more than 25 genes with such powerful effects that if one is mutated, a person is pretty much guaranteed to become obese”. But I went to the article and read the whole study and the NEXT line says “But those genetic disorders are rare. It is more likely that people inherit a collection of genes, each of which predispose them to a small weight gain in the right environment”. She did this over and over again, making bogus claims, picking and choosing quotes to support the message she wanted
She says “Should my body cost an airline more, it is not my responsibility to pay them”- but well, yes. If you are a bigger size, be it by choice or not, you will need to pay for the extra space you are taking up. Yes @ the author, it is indeed possible for your size to genuinely inconvenience others. If as an average-sized person I am taking up someone else’s seat space - that’s not ok. It’s not ok for you to do it either. I agree airlines shouldn’t be shrinking seats but that doesn’t mean you get to take up other people’s seats. They paid for their space. Physical boundaries are valid. If I don’t want you touching me, you don’t get to touch me.
This is full of her complaining and reading it is like a whiny mosquito in your ear.
May 17, 2025
Anti-fat bias is everywhere.
This is a passionate, intelligent and scathing commentary about anti-fat bias that pervades every facet of our society. Every person needs to read this book to not only learn about objective anti-fat bias but also the anecdotal and personal accounts from the author that will show you how fat people are subject to cruel bias, judgment, marginalization and oppression. If you are not fat, the scales will fall from your eyes and will very likely expose your own bias, something that happened to me as I read this ground-breaking book.
I think the author makes a really good case that fatness (I’m mirroring the author’s use of the word “fat”) is a distinguishable identity and lived-in experience that experiences systemic discrimination and widespread cultural stigmatization. I don’t feel that this minimizes other oppressed groups. Unfortunately there is no zero-sum game of identities that are oppressed. Anti-fat bias is different from racism and sexism for example because its discrimination can apply across sex, race and wealth and is tinged with the assumption that there is a deep moral failing on account of the fat person in question. But as the author does a good job of pointing out, body type is not a meritocracy but that is exactly how our culture treats body type. In an instant, unforgiving gazes come to pious conclusions about people based on the body-type in front of them.
The anecdotes the author’s share are heartbreaking and totally emblematic of the anti-fat bias. Whether it is an older woman physically removing a melon from the author’s shopping cart because it’s “too much sugar for you” or a doctor attributing any ailment to her body size, the author is exposed to a panorama of judge and jury everywhere she goes. The author goes into great detail about the desirability myth where fat people couldn’t possibly be physically attractive or engage in romantic or sexual activities. They do. And because of this desirability myth, fat women are especially vulnerable to unwanted sexual advances and rape because their assailants knowingly understand the system to which we are all implicit: fat rape victims are not believed because they are seen as being less sexually desirable.
You can literally and legally be denied services and healthcare because of your weight. Businesses can deny serving you. Doctors can put weight limits on the patient’s that they will see. The media and anti-fat campaigns promulgate the falsehood that fatness is a state of disease, is pathological, and all must be cleansed or shamed into believing their bodies are not only bad for them but society writ large. From Michele Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign to a talking head pointing to a “headless fatty” on the news, all of this fat shaming not only destroys the mental health of those that are fat but has the exact opposite effect: people gain weight in midst of a shame culture and engage in the very mischaracterization that originated with the discrimination itself like developing eating disorders or binge eating.
Despite what the CDC and AMA state, I personally do not believe fatness or obesity is a disease. A lot of the confusion and judgment in part comes because fatness is not necessary or sufficient for disease. Meaning any body type, thin or big, can become diseased with cancer, sleep apnea, coronary artery disease, type 2 diabetes, degenerative joint disease and many other ailments. Also, any body type can be healthy their entire lives. Simply having lots of adipose tissue is not a diseased state. Fatness easily and commonly goes hand in hand with being healthy as measured by the exact same metrics you’d use for a thin person.
However, fatness is most definitely a risk factor for not only disease but also mortality. I felt the omission of this fact, which could only have been intentional, slightly hurt the author’s objectivity. The author spends quite a bit of time providing evidence that dietary modifications, particularly “calories in, calories out” do not result in long term changes. The evidence she provides has issues with selection bias, looking at those who have tried to lose weight and didn’t. There certainly exists a population of people that have tried to lose weight and have kept it off. This population of people is never mentioned in this book, leaving the discussion incomplete. Additionally, if “calorie in, calorie out” truly did not result in change of body type, then bariatric surgery would result in no weight loss. But it does in an extremely effective and durable way. The author indirectly and directly eschews accountability for body type and I sincerely believe she is mostly correct given how ancient human genes interfaces with modernly modified food.
So, here’s the elephant in the room: is there a line between accountability and genes? If such a line exists, where is that line? Given that there is a clear causal correlation with risk of morbidity and mortality that increases with fatness, this is not an arbitrary question predicated on discrimination. It’s a clinical question based on fact. Being fat puts a person at increased risk of disease and dying. Losing that fat decreases that risk. Given the unprecedented milieu of access to high calorie foodstuffs that are literally engineered for addiction, I think this is an extremely hard question to answer. People are at the mercy of a market that vies to keep them consuming the same high calorie and addictive foods as much as possible. You pair that with genetic make-up, stigmatization of fatness, diet culture and the immeasurable impact on a person’s mental health, and I think accountability almost entirely goes out the window. I wish the author had gone into more detail about the food and agricultural industry.
I hope my discussion hasn’t distracted too much from the main point of this phenomenal book: anti-fat bias and discrimination is pervasive in our society. It is harmful, dangerous and shameful.
References:
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/la...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27595...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26369...
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29221...
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056...
This is a passionate, intelligent and scathing commentary about anti-fat bias that pervades every facet of our society. Every person needs to read this book to not only learn about objective anti-fat bias but also the anecdotal and personal accounts from the author that will show you how fat people are subject to cruel bias, judgment, marginalization and oppression. If you are not fat, the scales will fall from your eyes and will very likely expose your own bias, something that happened to me as I read this ground-breaking book.
I think the author makes a really good case that fatness (I’m mirroring the author’s use of the word “fat”) is a distinguishable identity and lived-in experience that experiences systemic discrimination and widespread cultural stigmatization. I don’t feel that this minimizes other oppressed groups. Unfortunately there is no zero-sum game of identities that are oppressed. Anti-fat bias is different from racism and sexism for example because its discrimination can apply across sex, race and wealth and is tinged with the assumption that there is a deep moral failing on account of the fat person in question. But as the author does a good job of pointing out, body type is not a meritocracy but that is exactly how our culture treats body type. In an instant, unforgiving gazes come to pious conclusions about people based on the body-type in front of them.
The anecdotes the author’s share are heartbreaking and totally emblematic of the anti-fat bias. Whether it is an older woman physically removing a melon from the author’s shopping cart because it’s “too much sugar for you” or a doctor attributing any ailment to her body size, the author is exposed to a panorama of judge and jury everywhere she goes. The author goes into great detail about the desirability myth where fat people couldn’t possibly be physically attractive or engage in romantic or sexual activities. They do. And because of this desirability myth, fat women are especially vulnerable to unwanted sexual advances and rape because their assailants knowingly understand the system to which we are all implicit: fat rape victims are not believed because they are seen as being less sexually desirable.
You can literally and legally be denied services and healthcare because of your weight. Businesses can deny serving you. Doctors can put weight limits on the patient’s that they will see. The media and anti-fat campaigns promulgate the falsehood that fatness is a state of disease, is pathological, and all must be cleansed or shamed into believing their bodies are not only bad for them but society writ large. From Michele Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign to a talking head pointing to a “headless fatty” on the news, all of this fat shaming not only destroys the mental health of those that are fat but has the exact opposite effect: people gain weight in midst of a shame culture and engage in the very mischaracterization that originated with the discrimination itself like developing eating disorders or binge eating.
Despite what the CDC and AMA state, I personally do not believe fatness or obesity is a disease. A lot of the confusion and judgment in part comes because fatness is not necessary or sufficient for disease. Meaning any body type, thin or big, can become diseased with cancer, sleep apnea, coronary artery disease, type 2 diabetes, degenerative joint disease and many other ailments. Also, any body type can be healthy their entire lives. Simply having lots of adipose tissue is not a diseased state. Fatness easily and commonly goes hand in hand with being healthy as measured by the exact same metrics you’d use for a thin person.
However, fatness is most definitely a risk factor for not only disease but also mortality. I felt the omission of this fact, which could only have been intentional, slightly hurt the author’s objectivity. The author spends quite a bit of time providing evidence that dietary modifications, particularly “calories in, calories out” do not result in long term changes. The evidence she provides has issues with selection bias, looking at those who have tried to lose weight and didn’t. There certainly exists a population of people that have tried to lose weight and have kept it off. This population of people is never mentioned in this book, leaving the discussion incomplete. Additionally, if “calorie in, calorie out” truly did not result in change of body type, then bariatric surgery would result in no weight loss. But it does in an extremely effective and durable way. The author indirectly and directly eschews accountability for body type and I sincerely believe she is mostly correct given how ancient human genes interfaces with modernly modified food.
So, here’s the elephant in the room: is there a line between accountability and genes? If such a line exists, where is that line? Given that there is a clear causal correlation with risk of morbidity and mortality that increases with fatness, this is not an arbitrary question predicated on discrimination. It’s a clinical question based on fact. Being fat puts a person at increased risk of disease and dying. Losing that fat decreases that risk. Given the unprecedented milieu of access to high calorie foodstuffs that are literally engineered for addiction, I think this is an extremely hard question to answer. People are at the mercy of a market that vies to keep them consuming the same high calorie and addictive foods as much as possible. You pair that with genetic make-up, stigmatization of fatness, diet culture and the immeasurable impact on a person’s mental health, and I think accountability almost entirely goes out the window. I wish the author had gone into more detail about the food and agricultural industry.
I hope my discussion hasn’t distracted too much from the main point of this phenomenal book: anti-fat bias and discrimination is pervasive in our society. It is harmful, dangerous and shameful.
References:
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/la...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27595...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26369...
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29221...
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056...
February 11, 2021
This book is necessary, but I'm feeling frustrated with it. I was expecting more of a discussion on systemic abuse and a takedown of bullshit industries. But this is more anecdotal, and very focused on victimhood. Gordon's personal information is important. The shit people say and do to her is atrocious and the first step in getting people to knock it off is to scream loud and clear that it's happening. Look. I'm currently a size 20/22, and this is my most regular cruising altitude. I've been bigger and smaller. I've never been thin. And I know my experience is only my own. But at some point, I said "fuck this weight loss noise" and flipped the world off with both hands. I live how I want. I order a greasy ass pizza and binge watch Star Trek in my pajamas whenever I feel like it and I have no regrets about doing so. Maybe people leave me alone because I look like I don't give half a fuck about their opinions on my body. I don't know. I feel like an asshole for writing this review, and this isn't a bad book. It's just not what I thought it would be.
March 13, 2021
This book is an incohesive collection of blog posts, each without a clear point other than to complain about the difficulties of being obese. The author disowns any responsibility for her own obesity (she believes that obesity is purely genetic), and complains at length about all of the problems that she and other fat people endure. Rather than taking any action to maintain a healthy body weight, she instead advocates for the rest of the world to change so that she doesn’t have to suffer the natural consequences of her poor lifestyle choices.
September 26, 2021
I listened to this because I love Maintenance Phase, and it definitely has a lot of what I appreciate about the podcast. I think it's a great read to pair with The Body Is Not An Apology, because both of them look at how bodies are policed, politicized, and oppressed--not just internal body image issues. The only complaint I had is that there are lines/anecdotes that repeat, sometimes almost word for word, between chapters. I'm guessing they were standalone essays at first, so that makes sense, but I found it distracting.
March 5, 2021
I know what it's like to be made fun of, because of some physical things, related to how you look. I was ashamed in the past, of some things that I managed to get rid of. So I feel for fat people, I know that it can have a great impact on your life and stress, health, when people are making fun of you everywhere, point you with fingers. I agree with the author, that we should not ridicule fat people, we should make them comfortable. We never know if someone is fat because of his lifestyle choices, or maybe he is sick. Or maybe it is because of his lifestyle choices but now it is so hard to undo them, and so we should not ridicule those people, we have no right.
But this book completely omits the problem with the obesity epidemic, it cherry-picks research and ideas, misrepresenting the facts about changing your life to a healthier version (suggesting that it's impossible, because "dieting does not work"), it is intellectually dishonest in some parts. It has this attitude "the world is wrong and should change, should not laugh at fat people, but there is no problem with fat people. They should not go to the doctor because dieting doesn't work anyway. Only the world should change!". Yes, we should not ridicule fat people, yes, it is not as simple as "calories in, calories out". But for most people, it is manageable to reduce weight. And we can't tell fat people that it is good to be fat. That being fat has no impact on your health. We should strive to change our environment, our food choices, our government et cetera, to reduce the number of obese people - because most of them don't have to be obese. There will always be fat people, some are born like that, some are ill. But there's no way, that in countries like the USA there is a huge amount of obese people because in the past decades Americans developed bad genes, illnesses, and stuff like that. No way. You just eat too much unhealthy food. And it's not necessarily your fault - it's what's most easily accessible in your country, what's cheapest for poor folks. So you should strive to change that, and not pretend that there is no problem, and the only problem is white rich people who make fun of fat people.
Yes, BMI is not a perfect tool but overall it is useful if you take into account its problems. If you have BMI over 50 it's not normal and it's not healthy. Problems with BMI in specific cases (strongmans with big muscles, black people being statistically heavier, supposedly by nature et cetera) have nothing to do, that you're too fat. I agree, we should not use BMI as "one indicator to rule them all".
Yes, dieting does not work if by diet you mean "I will eat salads for a month and then everything will be fine till the rest of my life". Diet is what you eat regularly, not some kind of challenge. My diet includes vegetables, some fruits but excludes potato chips. And I've been "on" this kind of diet for years, I don't even feel it, I don't remember about it, because it is not "a diet that I am on" it is just who I am. I am just a person who does not eat potato chips and eats many vegetables. End of story. No "dieting", just a matter of what kind of food do you eat in your life. So, yeah, it was interesting what this book wrote about downsides of dieting, but changing your food habits to healthy one is not "dieting". It is just changing your diet to more healthy one - not for a month, permanently.
Only two stars, because I agree, we should not punish any fat person just because he is fat. But the root of the problem with fat and obesity is, that we have fat epidemic and it's destroying people's health. And we can not pretend that it is good, or neutral, or that we don't have to do anything about that.
But this book completely omits the problem with the obesity epidemic, it cherry-picks research and ideas, misrepresenting the facts about changing your life to a healthier version (suggesting that it's impossible, because "dieting does not work"), it is intellectually dishonest in some parts. It has this attitude "the world is wrong and should change, should not laugh at fat people, but there is no problem with fat people. They should not go to the doctor because dieting doesn't work anyway. Only the world should change!". Yes, we should not ridicule fat people, yes, it is not as simple as "calories in, calories out". But for most people, it is manageable to reduce weight. And we can't tell fat people that it is good to be fat. That being fat has no impact on your health. We should strive to change our environment, our food choices, our government et cetera, to reduce the number of obese people - because most of them don't have to be obese. There will always be fat people, some are born like that, some are ill. But there's no way, that in countries like the USA there is a huge amount of obese people because in the past decades Americans developed bad genes, illnesses, and stuff like that. No way. You just eat too much unhealthy food. And it's not necessarily your fault - it's what's most easily accessible in your country, what's cheapest for poor folks. So you should strive to change that, and not pretend that there is no problem, and the only problem is white rich people who make fun of fat people.
Yes, BMI is not a perfect tool but overall it is useful if you take into account its problems. If you have BMI over 50 it's not normal and it's not healthy. Problems with BMI in specific cases (strongmans with big muscles, black people being statistically heavier, supposedly by nature et cetera) have nothing to do, that you're too fat. I agree, we should not use BMI as "one indicator to rule them all".
Yes, dieting does not work if by diet you mean "I will eat salads for a month and then everything will be fine till the rest of my life". Diet is what you eat regularly, not some kind of challenge. My diet includes vegetables, some fruits but excludes potato chips. And I've been "on" this kind of diet for years, I don't even feel it, I don't remember about it, because it is not "a diet that I am on" it is just who I am. I am just a person who does not eat potato chips and eats many vegetables. End of story. No "dieting", just a matter of what kind of food do you eat in your life. So, yeah, it was interesting what this book wrote about downsides of dieting, but changing your food habits to healthy one is not "dieting". It is just changing your diet to more healthy one - not for a month, permanently.
Only two stars, because I agree, we should not punish any fat person just because he is fat. But the root of the problem with fat and obesity is, that we have fat epidemic and it's destroying people's health. And we can not pretend that it is good, or neutral, or that we don't have to do anything about that.
December 14, 2020
This is a necessary perspective and I totally agree with the author that as a society, we "discriminate" against fat people and we equate fat with unhealthy and skinny with healthy. There were parts of the book that I bristled at--I don't think fat discrimination belongs in the same category as race or gender or sexual orientation discrimination. I think we need to stop all these kinds of discrimination and there are certainly similarities, but I worry that the differences ended up washing away the problems of racial discrimination too much. The history of racial and gender and other types of discrimination are filled with violence and legal sanctions and explicit prohibitions. Discrimination again fat people is terrible and must be stopped and is harmful to them, but it does not share that history. The author is right to point out, however, that fat-phobia is prevalent and somewhat accepted. The book definitely made me rethink a lot of the harmful depictions of fat bodies you see in the media and the jokes at their expense. A lot of Gordon's examples of her mistreatment were just horrible and I have no doubt plenty of people have to deal with terrible behavior. I wonder if we are all just a bit meaner as a culture--why do people think it's ok to ever say something mean to a person about their body? Or even tell them what to eat?
January 17, 2023
The adult son of a lifetime family friend is very very fat. I just learned a few months ago that his grandfather left him money in his will contingent upon weight loss. I was horrified. The people who told me this, one of whom is like me somewhat overweight but not super-obese like Gordon and like the grandson in this story, did not see that it was terrible (the issue was raised in the context of telling me how worried they were about the grandson's weight.) When I said something about how terrible it was they looked shocked and confused. I just said, "do you think he doesn't know he is fat, and now that his grandfather has spoken from the grave he will finally do something about it?" Understanding dawned, but until then no one really questioned it. This is particularly egregious btw because there are six grandchildren and the other five had no conditions placed on their inheritances. He was the one grandchild clearly told he was not worthy of love or tribute, that he was defective, because he was fat. I want to be clear that the grandfather is not an asshole, that he loves his grandchildren very much. Though his actions could scarcely have been crueler they were not intended to be so. The world thinks they have a right to an opinion on fat people's bodies, and they think they know all the answers and that the fat person just does not have the facts. This dynamic leads to outright cruelty, to diminished employment prospects, diminished romantic options (not because everyone finds them physically unappealing, but because there is such social censure for dating a fat person that potential partners who are attracted to the specific fat person will often not move forward), and perhaps most tragically the removal of access to good medical care. This is deadly and it is real. I am grateful to Gordon for being brave enough to raise the issues, for doing the research to make this a book mostly based on fact and not just a rant, and for exploring the places where anti-fatness intersects with feminism, anti-racism, and LGBTQ+ justice. There is a good bit of repetition in the book, it was clearly culled from previous blog posts and articles. One example, there are three references to the opening in Pitch Perfect 2 - which I agree is all kinds of cringeworthy - that hit on exactly the same point. Still, it was engaging and informative and a meaningful reality check for our weight obsessed society.
There is so much good here, but there are two major problems (besides the repetition) that kept this from being a five-star read. First, Gordon chooses to deny science that does not jibe with her narrative. One example, she rails about gender-affirming and other cosmetic surgery being withheld from trans people due to weight. The risk of dying or being severely permanently physically compromised by general anesthesia are greatly increased by obesity. This is not a judgment, there is real science behind this. It is ridiculous to expect doctors to ignore this, and in fact I would argue that ignoring this increased risk when surgery is elective would be a breach of duty (I am no expert of medical ethics, but I think that is right.) It would absolutely open doctors up to legal liability (I am not a med mal lawyer, but I am a lawyer, and I feel pretty confident on this one.) This is but one example of an area where Gordon ignores science to make a point she wants to make. At the same time Gordon raises many issues of science that are not often publicized and should be (the truth that dieting does not work, and that radical weight loss solutions make people fatter is a particularly important one.) The second issue is that Gordon ignores economic realities. She considers it a matter of justice that stores should carry giant sizes. That is absurd. Stores carry what sells, and there are not enough 6X's running around to make manufacturing and stocking those sizes profitable. There are online merchants that sell such sizes because if you have a world full of fat people to draw from, rather than those that live in a single community from which a brick-and-mortar retailer draws then you can make money. The same goes for airline seats. Yes, they are too cramped for all people, and especially so for those of us who are overweight, but in the end that is the economics of airline travel. I agree that the airlines should never have been deregulated, but here we are. Flights are cheaper but more uncomfortable. And given the lack of space it is not surprising that people are displeased to have a 435 lb seatmate. (I believe that is what Gordon says is her current weight.) That is not discrimination, it is not based on a hatred for fat people or a belief that fat people are less worthy on any way than thin people, but rather on actual measurable physical discomfort caused by the seatmate's weight. We always forget that every time we grant someone a right we are generally taking something from someone else. Expecting airlines to absorb the cost of needing an extra seat is not reasonable or economically sound. I have a friend who is roughly the same size as Gordon and he always buys two seats when he flies. It is expensive (admittedly prohibitive for some), but he considers it necessary and fair.
Okay, enough. I recommend this read warts and all, especially to anyone who is not fat but knows fat people (everyone knows fat people.) A great introduction to the subject.
There is so much good here, but there are two major problems (besides the repetition) that kept this from being a five-star read. First, Gordon chooses to deny science that does not jibe with her narrative. One example, she rails about gender-affirming and other cosmetic surgery being withheld from trans people due to weight. The risk of dying or being severely permanently physically compromised by general anesthesia are greatly increased by obesity. This is not a judgment, there is real science behind this. It is ridiculous to expect doctors to ignore this, and in fact I would argue that ignoring this increased risk when surgery is elective would be a breach of duty (I am no expert of medical ethics, but I think that is right.) It would absolutely open doctors up to legal liability (I am not a med mal lawyer, but I am a lawyer, and I feel pretty confident on this one.) This is but one example of an area where Gordon ignores science to make a point she wants to make. At the same time Gordon raises many issues of science that are not often publicized and should be (the truth that dieting does not work, and that radical weight loss solutions make people fatter is a particularly important one.) The second issue is that Gordon ignores economic realities. She considers it a matter of justice that stores should carry giant sizes. That is absurd. Stores carry what sells, and there are not enough 6X's running around to make manufacturing and stocking those sizes profitable. There are online merchants that sell such sizes because if you have a world full of fat people to draw from, rather than those that live in a single community from which a brick-and-mortar retailer draws then you can make money. The same goes for airline seats. Yes, they are too cramped for all people, and especially so for those of us who are overweight, but in the end that is the economics of airline travel. I agree that the airlines should never have been deregulated, but here we are. Flights are cheaper but more uncomfortable. And given the lack of space it is not surprising that people are displeased to have a 435 lb seatmate. (I believe that is what Gordon says is her current weight.) That is not discrimination, it is not based on a hatred for fat people or a belief that fat people are less worthy on any way than thin people, but rather on actual measurable physical discomfort caused by the seatmate's weight. We always forget that every time we grant someone a right we are generally taking something from someone else. Expecting airlines to absorb the cost of needing an extra seat is not reasonable or economically sound. I have a friend who is roughly the same size as Gordon and he always buys two seats when he flies. It is expensive (admittedly prohibitive for some), but he considers it necessary and fair.
Okay, enough. I recommend this read warts and all, especially to anyone who is not fat but knows fat people (everyone knows fat people.) A great introduction to the subject.
October 7, 2021
We don’t choose our bodies. We can choose to treat them well, or not, but our height, our color, and, yes, our weight is largely genetic. Furthermore, once someone is a certain weight, it is basically impossible to lose lbs/kg without seriously damaging their metabolism, permanently. So if you want to be thin, make sure you select your parents carefully. 98% of restricting diets fail, most resulting in a gain of more weight than was temporarily lost. That’s a fact.
I’m an endocrinologist (retired) but became involved in this in the 90s when i noted that so many of my metabolically healthy female patients wanted to be thinner. Why? Your HDL, your glucose metabolism, your blood pressure are all normal. I wrote, spoke, and argued with colleagues about the dangers of dieting.
Soon the USA was deluged with the “obesity epidemic”. Yes , we’re fatter but once fat, no matter the etiology - that’s the body we have.
Aubrey Gordon has written a book that should be standard curriculum for the western world. She writes beautifully, is funny, and her research is impeccable..
Early on she tells us that this book “...is not rooted in the near-ubiquitous cultural dogma that fat people are duty-bound to become thin before asking to be treated with respect and dignity.” What a f*cked up society we live in that that even needs to be stated.
She documents the discrimination, abuse, and constant harassment that accompanies a life in a fat body, with excruciating, often wrenching, detail. This treatment takes the form that abusive relationships always do: “...that is the logic of abuse. You made me do this. I wouldn’t hurt you if you didn’t make me.”
All abused are blamed by the abuser for the abuse.
Harassment by strangers (and friends) is often under the specious guise of “concern” which she calls ‘concern trolling’.
“It is a reminder so many thin people seem to desperately need.. They don’t seem to be talking to me at all. They seem to be talking to themselves.”
“Concern for your health is yet another example of the superior nature of thin people. They look better because they are better, and they’re even generous enough to publicly shame you into being better too. It is the burden of thinness, saving so many poor, wretched fat-asses. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.”
Despite the billions of dollars spent by the weight loss industry, the fact is, a thin “... body is not necessarily an accomplishment, not a reward, not a reflection of a laudable work ethic or intense tenacity, but of a series of factors that are largely out of their control.”
What a perfect capitalist model. They can sell a product that fails 98% of the time, blame the failure on the consumer, and woot-woot! sell it again. And again.
Many changes need to be made. One that she documents heartbreakingly is that we must “...insist that the medical field catch up to its own research and acknowledge that fatness isn’t a failure of personal responsibility but the result of a complex set of factors…”
Our bodies are affected by so many variables, and with respect to fatness, most are out of our control. If a woman is poor (and like 25% of Americans, food insecure) during her pregnancy, and can't consume enough, and this results in a low birth weight baby, or if a mother has diabetes during her pregnancy - that baby is more likely to become a fat person. Our level of exposure to the “forever chemicals” in the PFAS family contribute to how fat we are. We know of many genetic variations that predispose to fatness. Even the diets we’re fed - poor families are more likely to fill the caloric needs of their children with high carbohydrate diets that they can afford. Even that, calories intake being equal, predisposes to fatness: https://doi.org/10.1093/ajcn/nqab270
The belief that "calories in and calories out" explains our size, is ridiculously simplistic. Physics is not biology.
The younger children are when put on a diet contributes to their adult weight. When we are starved we disrupt (among other things) our satiety feedback loop. S0 a child put on a diet loses their intrinsic ability to eat what they want, when they want. Add to that denial of certain foods (making them, of course, more tempting) and you have guaranteed disordered eating.
Anti-fatness is the last remaining "acceptable” prejudice. I wouldn’t want to live in a homogenous world. Recently “#juststopbeingfat” was trending on Twitter, the comment: “gosh, why didn’t I think of that?” sums up the stupidity and cruelty of thin privilege. This book is brilliant as is Gordon's podcast with Michael Hobbes - Maintenance Phase. Highly recommended.
I’m an endocrinologist (retired) but became involved in this in the 90s when i noted that so many of my metabolically healthy female patients wanted to be thinner. Why? Your HDL, your glucose metabolism, your blood pressure are all normal. I wrote, spoke, and argued with colleagues about the dangers of dieting.
Soon the USA was deluged with the “obesity epidemic”. Yes , we’re fatter but once fat, no matter the etiology - that’s the body we have.
Aubrey Gordon has written a book that should be standard curriculum for the western world. She writes beautifully, is funny, and her research is impeccable..
Early on she tells us that this book “...is not rooted in the near-ubiquitous cultural dogma that fat people are duty-bound to become thin before asking to be treated with respect and dignity.” What a f*cked up society we live in that that even needs to be stated.
She documents the discrimination, abuse, and constant harassment that accompanies a life in a fat body, with excruciating, often wrenching, detail. This treatment takes the form that abusive relationships always do: “...that is the logic of abuse. You made me do this. I wouldn’t hurt you if you didn’t make me.”
All abused are blamed by the abuser for the abuse.
Harassment by strangers (and friends) is often under the specious guise of “concern” which she calls ‘concern trolling’.
“It is a reminder so many thin people seem to desperately need.. They don’t seem to be talking to me at all. They seem to be talking to themselves.”
“Concern for your health is yet another example of the superior nature of thin people. They look better because they are better, and they’re even generous enough to publicly shame you into being better too. It is the burden of thinness, saving so many poor, wretched fat-asses. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.”
Despite the billions of dollars spent by the weight loss industry, the fact is, a thin “... body is not necessarily an accomplishment, not a reward, not a reflection of a laudable work ethic or intense tenacity, but of a series of factors that are largely out of their control.”
What a perfect capitalist model. They can sell a product that fails 98% of the time, blame the failure on the consumer, and woot-woot! sell it again. And again.
Many changes need to be made. One that she documents heartbreakingly is that we must “...insist that the medical field catch up to its own research and acknowledge that fatness isn’t a failure of personal responsibility but the result of a complex set of factors…”
Our bodies are affected by so many variables, and with respect to fatness, most are out of our control. If a woman is poor (and like 25% of Americans, food insecure) during her pregnancy, and can't consume enough, and this results in a low birth weight baby, or if a mother has diabetes during her pregnancy - that baby is more likely to become a fat person. Our level of exposure to the “forever chemicals” in the PFAS family contribute to how fat we are. We know of many genetic variations that predispose to fatness. Even the diets we’re fed - poor families are more likely to fill the caloric needs of their children with high carbohydrate diets that they can afford. Even that, calories intake being equal, predisposes to fatness: https://doi.org/10.1093/ajcn/nqab270
The belief that "calories in and calories out" explains our size, is ridiculously simplistic. Physics is not biology.
The younger children are when put on a diet contributes to their adult weight. When we are starved we disrupt (among other things) our satiety feedback loop. S0 a child put on a diet loses their intrinsic ability to eat what they want, when they want. Add to that denial of certain foods (making them, of course, more tempting) and you have guaranteed disordered eating.
Anti-fatness is the last remaining "acceptable” prejudice. I wouldn’t want to live in a homogenous world. Recently “#juststopbeingfat” was trending on Twitter, the comment: “gosh, why didn’t I think of that?” sums up the stupidity and cruelty of thin privilege. This book is brilliant as is Gordon's podcast with Michael Hobbes - Maintenance Phase. Highly recommended.
June 23, 2022
This is classic deflection, enabling, and blaming, fancied up by trying to get out ahead of counterarguments by labeling them hateful or phobic. It falls flat. If someone burns more calories than they take in, they’ll lose weight; if they take in more than they burn, they’ll gain weight. It is that simple. Really. If there are discrepancies, there may be a medical condition, but the rule stands. No amount of trying to turn the conversation into something else is going to change that. It is also a fact that obesity leads to the majority of illnesses and disease. In fact, obesity-related conditions are among the leading causes of death, including heart disease, strokes, type 2 diabetes, and multiple types of cancer, not to mention exacerbating just about any existing health concern out there (including Covid). Virtually every category of disease imaginable is caused or made worse by obesity.
Before I go any further…discrimination is wrong. Bullying is wrong. Lowering someone’s status because of how they look is wrong. I was fat and unhealthy until I was about 19 years old – I’ve been through it: the snickering laughs, the jokes, the bullying, the weird glances, the body language, the “you play basketball really well for a bigger guy” comments. I cried myself to sleep at night on multiple occasions because I felt hopeless. I have sympathy and empathy for people, and nothing but love. But I also had to admit that I ate horribly and wasn't nearly as active as I could have been, and that my behavior caused the condition.
You have to ask yourself, who really cares? Is it the person saying that your choices have a profound effect, that it goes beyond whose fault it is because it is your responsibility to take your health seriously, that there are people who genuinely want to see you succeed, and there are some great resources out there to help you if you want it? Or is it the person who tells you that all the fault lies with external sources, that you’re just fat no matter what and nothing will work and the world is against you and nothing will ever change because people are mean and society is rigged? Look beyond what sounds comforting and confront the facts of these two mindsets. Someone is trying to help you live, and someone is trying to absolve you of responsibility for your own behavior while your health declines.
You can’t cherry-pick studies and extrapolate incomplete data to claim diets don’t work, or that increased exercise doesn’t help you improve your health, when legitimate study after study finds that managing calories in versus calories out yields positive results. The author claims that she exercises and eats healthily, and has only positive blood markers, yet absolutely cannot lose weight. If this is the case, she is an absolute statistical anomaly. It’s more in line with established precedence, however, that she is not being completely truthful. She claims that no one chooses to be fat, but one's choices have consequences.
The author is absolutely right that BMI isn’t even remotely helpful. She’s right that children should not be shamed for being overweight. You know what’s just as bad? Convincing children that their bodies are not their responsibility and that being obese is just fine and everyone should just learn to not only deal with it but celebrate it. She’s also correct that there are vast amounts of false claims and terrible approaches to weight loss and health. Here’s a pretty solid rule – there is no quick fix; no pill, powder, wrap, tea, super restrictive diet, or novel tactic that is going to melt away fat. The answer is being consistent – stay active every day, eat as few highly-processed and fried foods as possible, and prioritize getting decent sleep. Repeat repeat repeat (this is admittedly a simplification for the sake of brevity - details for an eating and exercise plan should be made with one's doctor or nutritionist). For God’s sake, take it upon yourself to learn healthy habits and teach them to your children – the information is out there in abundance and for free! Libraries have great free resources to educate yourself (and your children). It is YOUR responsibility to take positive action. Or you can just convince yourself that the world is against you and seek out validation for your unhealthy lifestyle in a really comfy blanket of lies as your overall health continues to decline.
There are absolutely some good things here, regarding vultures who prey on desperate people with quick fix claims, and certain measurements being deceptive. Being overweight does not mean that you're a bad person, or less worthy of love and a place in society. But unhealthy lifestyles should not be celebrated. As more and more people sink into poor health, both physical and mental, we should be educating and addressing what can help them out of it, not just what makes them adopt a victim mentality to absolve themselves of responsibility.
I'm not a "concern troll" (pretty good rhetorical deflection to use that term, though) or hateful. I am not calling anyone names, nor have I ever done so. I don't condescend. I am passionate about this because I see what is happening to us a society. I remember how I felt, and I never want anyone else to feel that way. I'm sure the knee-jerk reaction to this review will include something about "privilege", and all I can say is that I am privileged...blessed, actually, to have gone through this mindset and come out on the other side with my personal convictions solidified and health intact.
Live your life. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be happy and included. You'll hear no argument or comment from me. Where I can't and won't remain silent is when I see deflections, obfuscations, misrepresentations of data, attempts to redirect the conversation against facts, and half-truths (or outright lies) being spread that could result in real harm.
Here's the bottom line, and it's actually good news. You have more power to take control of your life than you think. But that also means you have more responsibility to do it than you're willing to admit.
Before I go any further…discrimination is wrong. Bullying is wrong. Lowering someone’s status because of how they look is wrong. I was fat and unhealthy until I was about 19 years old – I’ve been through it: the snickering laughs, the jokes, the bullying, the weird glances, the body language, the “you play basketball really well for a bigger guy” comments. I cried myself to sleep at night on multiple occasions because I felt hopeless. I have sympathy and empathy for people, and nothing but love. But I also had to admit that I ate horribly and wasn't nearly as active as I could have been, and that my behavior caused the condition.
You have to ask yourself, who really cares? Is it the person saying that your choices have a profound effect, that it goes beyond whose fault it is because it is your responsibility to take your health seriously, that there are people who genuinely want to see you succeed, and there are some great resources out there to help you if you want it? Or is it the person who tells you that all the fault lies with external sources, that you’re just fat no matter what and nothing will work and the world is against you and nothing will ever change because people are mean and society is rigged? Look beyond what sounds comforting and confront the facts of these two mindsets. Someone is trying to help you live, and someone is trying to absolve you of responsibility for your own behavior while your health declines.
You can’t cherry-pick studies and extrapolate incomplete data to claim diets don’t work, or that increased exercise doesn’t help you improve your health, when legitimate study after study finds that managing calories in versus calories out yields positive results. The author claims that she exercises and eats healthily, and has only positive blood markers, yet absolutely cannot lose weight. If this is the case, she is an absolute statistical anomaly. It’s more in line with established precedence, however, that she is not being completely truthful. She claims that no one chooses to be fat, but one's choices have consequences.
The author is absolutely right that BMI isn’t even remotely helpful. She’s right that children should not be shamed for being overweight. You know what’s just as bad? Convincing children that their bodies are not their responsibility and that being obese is just fine and everyone should just learn to not only deal with it but celebrate it. She’s also correct that there are vast amounts of false claims and terrible approaches to weight loss and health. Here’s a pretty solid rule – there is no quick fix; no pill, powder, wrap, tea, super restrictive diet, or novel tactic that is going to melt away fat. The answer is being consistent – stay active every day, eat as few highly-processed and fried foods as possible, and prioritize getting decent sleep. Repeat repeat repeat (this is admittedly a simplification for the sake of brevity - details for an eating and exercise plan should be made with one's doctor or nutritionist). For God’s sake, take it upon yourself to learn healthy habits and teach them to your children – the information is out there in abundance and for free! Libraries have great free resources to educate yourself (and your children). It is YOUR responsibility to take positive action. Or you can just convince yourself that the world is against you and seek out validation for your unhealthy lifestyle in a really comfy blanket of lies as your overall health continues to decline.
There are absolutely some good things here, regarding vultures who prey on desperate people with quick fix claims, and certain measurements being deceptive. Being overweight does not mean that you're a bad person, or less worthy of love and a place in society. But unhealthy lifestyles should not be celebrated. As more and more people sink into poor health, both physical and mental, we should be educating and addressing what can help them out of it, not just what makes them adopt a victim mentality to absolve themselves of responsibility.
I'm not a "concern troll" (pretty good rhetorical deflection to use that term, though) or hateful. I am not calling anyone names, nor have I ever done so. I don't condescend. I am passionate about this because I see what is happening to us a society. I remember how I felt, and I never want anyone else to feel that way. I'm sure the knee-jerk reaction to this review will include something about "privilege", and all I can say is that I am privileged...blessed, actually, to have gone through this mindset and come out on the other side with my personal convictions solidified and health intact.
Live your life. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be happy and included. You'll hear no argument or comment from me. Where I can't and won't remain silent is when I see deflections, obfuscations, misrepresentations of data, attempts to redirect the conversation against facts, and half-truths (or outright lies) being spread that could result in real harm.
Here's the bottom line, and it's actually good news. You have more power to take control of your life than you think. But that also means you have more responsibility to do it than you're willing to admit.
August 20, 2020
A well researched overview of what it means to be fat in the U.S. Accentuated with personal anecdotes that illustrate the discrimination that fat people face while offering hope and a very reasonable manifesto at the end for change. As a straight sized person I learned a lot- I suggest others do the same.
November 22, 2020
This book reads like a collection of blogs. Gordon helped me understand the experiences of fat people in the USA in a different way than I understood them before reading this book. I was shocked and saddened to read the hideous comments people felt comfortable saying to her face and the systematic discrimination she faced.
That being said, the book left a lot to be desired both in terms of content and structure. The chapters do little to organize the book’s content, which ranges widely from the federal regulation of airplane seat size to tweets from Gordon’s followers to her personal love life to peer-reviewed medical journals to more personal anecdotes to Oprah Winfrey, etc. The author spends a significant amount of time convincing readers how healthy being fat is and the lack of health risks. I understand that she is trying to help readers see the unacceptable discrimination she’s faced in the healthcare industry but she fails to address the significant amount of research that suggests being 400 pounds creates health problems that would not be present if the person was 150 pounds. My other big issue with this book is the variety of false equivalencies that emerge from comparing being fat to being part of other communities, such as the LGBTQ+ community.
That being said, the book left a lot to be desired both in terms of content and structure. The chapters do little to organize the book’s content, which ranges widely from the federal regulation of airplane seat size to tweets from Gordon’s followers to her personal love life to peer-reviewed medical journals to more personal anecdotes to Oprah Winfrey, etc. The author spends a significant amount of time convincing readers how healthy being fat is and the lack of health risks. I understand that she is trying to help readers see the unacceptable discrimination she’s faced in the healthcare industry but she fails to address the significant amount of research that suggests being 400 pounds creates health problems that would not be present if the person was 150 pounds. My other big issue with this book is the variety of false equivalencies that emerge from comparing being fat to being part of other communities, such as the LGBTQ+ community.
October 9, 2021
the writing is great, but god, was this repetitive: gordon cites the same studies and examples over and over again, repeating sentences almost verbatim across many of the essays. i also struggled to understand what each essay was supposed to be "about"; they seemed to be all over the place in terms of their area of focus (e.g. an essay on attraction and relationships suddenly turns into an analysis of stereotypes of fat characters in media...?). overall this book just lacked a sense of any kind of narrative cohesion; the structure was a mess. im disappointed, to be honest, because i feel like this couldve been a much better book than it was.
December 2, 2020
I had no idea. Those words kept coming to mind as I learned from Aubrey Gordon about how people who fall into the categories she calls “superfat” (women’s sizes 26-32) and “infinifat” (women’s size 34 and up) can get thrown off planes with no warning. They often cannot get medical care because they are told to lose weight before they will be treated. They experience severe job discrimination and receive much lower pay. They get publically shamed by friends and strangers, and shamed on the media, in ways that cause the kind of deep stress that results in health issues. Very fat men experience just as much shame as women. She also has some powerful things to say about the effect of fat shaming on children.
I thought I understood fat shaming because I experienced it constantly from my mother, and I internalized her messages. My mother fat-shamed me before I was fat. At 13, I had a rounded build, inherited from my father, while my mother was very slim. She began to micromanage what I ate, and in response, I turned to binge eating. Gordon reflects my own experience when she says that people who feel shamed often eat more in order to comfort themselves, and they often engage in binge eating. I spent my late teens and young adult life a “small fat” person, what Gordon calls women who wear size 16-18. From age 30 to the present, I have been what she calls “mid-fat,” wearing sizes 20 to 24. I’m at the bottom of that range now, but spent several years at the top of that range, and I experienced a difference within that range – the higher weight resulted in more criticism from strangers. As a mid-fat person, I have also experienced many instructions from doctors to lose weight. But my greatest source of fat-shaming is my own inner voices, telling me the “truths” that Gordon says so many people believe: “(1) Becoming thin is a life accomplishment and the only way to start living a real, full, human life. (2) All fatness is a shameful moral failing. (3) Thinness is a naturally superior way of being. (3) Fat people who stay fat deserve to be mocked.”
Those of us who experience internal fat-shaming messages – but very few external barriers to a full life – have no idea the extent to which very fat people are stigmatized, criticized, and discriminated against. Gordon says that many comments she receives are cloaked with the language of “health” and “concern.” She has brilliant section on what true concern looks like, beginning with this: “Concern is curious, tender, loving. Concern is direct and heartfelt. Concern does its work delicately, with great care.” She writes that concern does not include paternalism or open contempt. And she describes the many, many times fat people receive paternalistic advice and vicious contempt. People, she says, “push aside the hard work of empathy and opt for the ease and satisfaction of judgment.”
I know I have tried just about everything in order to weigh less than I do. Why would I – or anyone else – need to assume that very fat people haven’t tried or aren’t trying? Gordon points out that people can be fat for many reasons beyond their control, including heredity, medications, and the financial inability to buy anything other than cheap food. She also points out that fat people can be healthy metabolically and in other measurable ways.
Gordon’s personal stories are vivid and made me want to weep. I applaud her courage in telling them. She draws on research data very well, too. Her writing is clear and easy to read. I read the book in two evenings in a row because I found it so absorbing.
Gordon is co-host of a great podcast, “Maintenance Phase.” She and her co-host Michael Hobbes (who also co-hosts the “You’re Wrong About” podcast) look at things we believe about health in analytical, humorous, and helpful way. I commend both the podcast and this powerful book.
I thought I understood fat shaming because I experienced it constantly from my mother, and I internalized her messages. My mother fat-shamed me before I was fat. At 13, I had a rounded build, inherited from my father, while my mother was very slim. She began to micromanage what I ate, and in response, I turned to binge eating. Gordon reflects my own experience when she says that people who feel shamed often eat more in order to comfort themselves, and they often engage in binge eating. I spent my late teens and young adult life a “small fat” person, what Gordon calls women who wear size 16-18. From age 30 to the present, I have been what she calls “mid-fat,” wearing sizes 20 to 24. I’m at the bottom of that range now, but spent several years at the top of that range, and I experienced a difference within that range – the higher weight resulted in more criticism from strangers. As a mid-fat person, I have also experienced many instructions from doctors to lose weight. But my greatest source of fat-shaming is my own inner voices, telling me the “truths” that Gordon says so many people believe: “(1) Becoming thin is a life accomplishment and the only way to start living a real, full, human life. (2) All fatness is a shameful moral failing. (3) Thinness is a naturally superior way of being. (3) Fat people who stay fat deserve to be mocked.”
Those of us who experience internal fat-shaming messages – but very few external barriers to a full life – have no idea the extent to which very fat people are stigmatized, criticized, and discriminated against. Gordon says that many comments she receives are cloaked with the language of “health” and “concern.” She has brilliant section on what true concern looks like, beginning with this: “Concern is curious, tender, loving. Concern is direct and heartfelt. Concern does its work delicately, with great care.” She writes that concern does not include paternalism or open contempt. And she describes the many, many times fat people receive paternalistic advice and vicious contempt. People, she says, “push aside the hard work of empathy and opt for the ease and satisfaction of judgment.”
I know I have tried just about everything in order to weigh less than I do. Why would I – or anyone else – need to assume that very fat people haven’t tried or aren’t trying? Gordon points out that people can be fat for many reasons beyond their control, including heredity, medications, and the financial inability to buy anything other than cheap food. She also points out that fat people can be healthy metabolically and in other measurable ways.
Gordon’s personal stories are vivid and made me want to weep. I applaud her courage in telling them. She draws on research data very well, too. Her writing is clear and easy to read. I read the book in two evenings in a row because I found it so absorbing.
Gordon is co-host of a great podcast, “Maintenance Phase.” She and her co-host Michael Hobbes (who also co-hosts the “You’re Wrong About” podcast) look at things we believe about health in analytical, humorous, and helpful way. I commend both the podcast and this powerful book.
September 23, 2021
Keine angenehme Lektüre, es hat mich wütend gemacht auf die Welt und auch auf mich, weil ich so vieles immer noch nicht verstanden hatte und weil ich Teil des Problems war und bin. Obwohl ich schon länger wusste, dass man offenbar "Angehörige der Gruppe X sind auch Menschen mit Gefühlen und es ist ein Arschlochmove, über sie zu denken, zu reden oder mit ihnen umzugehen, als wäre das nicht so" für jedes X separat lernen muss, es scheint da allgemein kaum Transferleistung zu geben. (Auch bei der Autorin übrigens nicht; die Auseinandersetzung mit Fetischismus in diesem Buch ist nicht besser als anderswo.) Ich weiß, niemand sehnt sich nach wütend-machender Lektüre, aber das Buch ist nicht lang und es ist ein bildender Ärger, der in keinem Verhältnis steht zu dem Ärger, den man bei anderen Menschen verursachen wird, wenn man es nicht liest und weiterhin keine Ahnung hat.
December 20, 2020
If you spent 2020 being challenged by your own racial, sexual and gender bias, perhaps spend 2021 working on dismantling your anti-fat bias. They are all linked together. This book is incredible and accessible, and will challenge you in so many ways.
Actually the next time someone tells me they are "just concerned about my health", I am going to buy another copy from an indie book store.
Actually the next time someone tells me they are "just concerned about my health", I am going to buy another copy from an indie book store.
August 6, 2021
First You Have To Accept That
A 37 year old woman with absolutely no other health markers, who eats mostly fresh fruits and vegetables prepared by herself at home and works with a personal trainer cannot somehow get below a 50 BMI.
I was unable to swallow the author’s personal story of her own fatness. She works out, eats healthfully, does not have an eating disorder and no underlying conditions. Fatness is beyond anyone’s own control. It is something that just happens “in all but a few cases.”
If you can accept that you will probably agree with everything else in the book.
If you cannot…You will not.
I do agree with the author completely that fat children should be protected from bullying, shaming and “BMI Report Cards”.
I think everyone should be treated with respect.
Do I believe that workplaces should “ban diet talk”
Nope. Absolutely not. Everyone needs to get out of everyones business. And that extends to fat people policing thin people. Should fat people be a “protected class”? I say no. The author says yes.
This book will probably only reinforce anyone’s previously held views, but of the Fat Acceptance genre, this and “The Body is Not An Apology” is perhaps the only ones worth your time.
A 37 year old woman with absolutely no other health markers, who eats mostly fresh fruits and vegetables prepared by herself at home and works with a personal trainer cannot somehow get below a 50 BMI.
I was unable to swallow the author’s personal story of her own fatness. She works out, eats healthfully, does not have an eating disorder and no underlying conditions. Fatness is beyond anyone’s own control. It is something that just happens “in all but a few cases.”
If you can accept that you will probably agree with everything else in the book.
If you cannot…You will not.
I do agree with the author completely that fat children should be protected from bullying, shaming and “BMI Report Cards”.
I think everyone should be treated with respect.
Do I believe that workplaces should “ban diet talk”
Nope. Absolutely not. Everyone needs to get out of everyones business. And that extends to fat people policing thin people. Should fat people be a “protected class”? I say no. The author says yes.
This book will probably only reinforce anyone’s previously held views, but of the Fat Acceptance genre, this and “The Body is Not An Apology” is perhaps the only ones worth your time.
May 30, 2021
I do not say this lightly, but I believe this book should be required reading for everyone. But especially for everyone who has never lived as a fat person.
Aubrey Gordon has written a thorough, compelling and very well researched book about the harm of fatphobia and fat-hate. An incredible book that forces readers to reckon with the ways that society consistently and totally oppresses people for the mere fact of existing in fat bodies. A book that forces thin people to understand themselves as both beneficiaries of institutional fat-hate, but also the ways in which fatphobia harms them too. A book that demands we do better for fat folks, and challenges us to radically change the way we look at bodies, fatness, health and worth.
Absolutely phenomenal.
Aubrey Gordon has written a thorough, compelling and very well researched book about the harm of fatphobia and fat-hate. An incredible book that forces readers to reckon with the ways that society consistently and totally oppresses people for the mere fact of existing in fat bodies. A book that forces thin people to understand themselves as both beneficiaries of institutional fat-hate, but also the ways in which fatphobia harms them too. A book that demands we do better for fat folks, and challenges us to radically change the way we look at bodies, fatness, health and worth.
Absolutely phenomenal.
August 15, 2021
The tone of the book was righteous and fractious. A biography on mistreatment experienced by the author, with little attention given to finding common ground and solutions to move forward.
August 30, 2021
Never underestimate a woman's ability to victimize herself in any situation.
February 8, 2022
Everyone needs to read this!!! Especially if you are not fat.
What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat is the book I wish my whole family had. I wish I had this book when I was in middle school and struggling with bullying, self image, self esteem and all those things that go into being a pubescent that's not skinny.
I've always been in the weird in between category on the end of straight sizes and the beginning of plus sizes. I relate to a lot of the things Aubrey says in this book, even though what I've experienced is not as awful as some of the things mentioned in this book. The hurt we've both experienced is valid and it makes me wish books like this were taught instead of a stupid food pyramid and forced exercise that no one was interested in.
There have been so many times I've done exercises because I felt like I had to. Not because I particularly enjoyed them. That changed in college when I was finally in charge of the activities and foods I ate 100% of the time. I've found kickboxing, running, swimming and weight lifting to be things my body enjoys. I wish things like this had been emphasized. I wish the attitude wasn't that you can't be healthy when you're fat. I wish people would let fat people take up space just like straight sized people do.
If you don't think this book will apply to you, I guarantee it will. We live in such a fatphobic society. The hatred and fear of fat people is everywhere. This book will test your implicit biases and make you reflect on past memories and behaviors. Also it says fad diets can go fuck themselves and this is a message I 200% support.
CWs: Fatphobia, body shaming, medical trauma, eating disorder, medical content, sexual harassment, bullying, ableism, misogyny, hate crime, sexual violence, threats of rape, sexism, emotional abuse, violence, gaslighting, death, transphobia/transmisia, classism. Moderate: queerphobia/queermisia, racism, dysphoria, chronic illness, cancer.
What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat is the book I wish my whole family had. I wish I had this book when I was in middle school and struggling with bullying, self image, self esteem and all those things that go into being a pubescent that's not skinny.
I've always been in the weird in between category on the end of straight sizes and the beginning of plus sizes. I relate to a lot of the things Aubrey says in this book, even though what I've experienced is not as awful as some of the things mentioned in this book. The hurt we've both experienced is valid and it makes me wish books like this were taught instead of a stupid food pyramid and forced exercise that no one was interested in.
There have been so many times I've done exercises because I felt like I had to. Not because I particularly enjoyed them. That changed in college when I was finally in charge of the activities and foods I ate 100% of the time. I've found kickboxing, running, swimming and weight lifting to be things my body enjoys. I wish things like this had been emphasized. I wish the attitude wasn't that you can't be healthy when you're fat. I wish people would let fat people take up space just like straight sized people do.
If you don't think this book will apply to you, I guarantee it will. We live in such a fatphobic society. The hatred and fear of fat people is everywhere. This book will test your implicit biases and make you reflect on past memories and behaviors. Also it says fad diets can go fuck themselves and this is a message I 200% support.
CWs: Fatphobia, body shaming, medical trauma, eating disorder, medical content, sexual harassment, bullying, ableism, misogyny, hate crime, sexual violence, threats of rape, sexism, emotional abuse, violence, gaslighting, death, transphobia/transmisia, classism. Moderate: queerphobia/queermisia, racism, dysphoria, chronic illness, cancer.
October 31, 2022
A slog to get through.
Besides the cherry picked studies, the references that just link to things written by other fat activists and contradictory bits, its just an awkward read.
The chapters are too long for an essay book, they're several blog posts loosely related and strung together. They meander and end on a half baked conclusion that fails to tie everything together.
Some of her points are valid and some are not based in reality. Some things are human bias and discrimination and some are there because of scientific limits, safety and cost.
Besides the cherry picked studies, the references that just link to things written by other fat activists and contradictory bits, its just an awkward read.
The chapters are too long for an essay book, they're several blog posts loosely related and strung together. They meander and end on a half baked conclusion that fails to tie everything together.
Some of her points are valid and some are not based in reality. Some things are human bias and discrimination and some are there because of scientific limits, safety and cost.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,553 reviews