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Sacred Sex: A Spiritual Celebration of Oneness in Marriage
For years, Christians have been told that sex is God's creation, designed by him as a gift to husbands and wives. Yet few couples actually experience sex as a spiritual, God-ordained experience. Rather than admit their lack of fulfillment, many couples hide their disappointment and confusion, while others attempt to solve the problem through better sexual technique.
Unfortunately, all the advice on improved technique fails to explain the one thing that makes sense of it all. Despite the proliferation of resources to enhance sexual satisfaction, couples continue to struggle in their sexual relationship. In fact, author and licensed counselor Tim Gardner estimates that as few as 2 percent of married couples ever experience a truly exciting, energizing, and soul-touching physical bond. But now, that can change.
A couple's sexual relationship has a far higher purpose than pleasure or procreation. Scripture makes it clear that sex is the one thing on earth that joins two people into one. Now readers can learn how to approach marital sex in a way that brings the fulfillment of true oneness. Sacred Sex shows how they can experience a beautiful, God-ordained life of intimacy that blesses them far beyond the bedroom walls, serves as an act of worship to God, and touches their hearts and souls in ways they never could have imagined.
Unfortunately, all the advice on improved technique fails to explain the one thing that makes sense of it all. Despite the proliferation of resources to enhance sexual satisfaction, couples continue to struggle in their sexual relationship. In fact, author and licensed counselor Tim Gardner estimates that as few as 2 percent of married couples ever experience a truly exciting, energizing, and soul-touching physical bond. But now, that can change.
A couple's sexual relationship has a far higher purpose than pleasure or procreation. Scripture makes it clear that sex is the one thing on earth that joins two people into one. Now readers can learn how to approach marital sex in a way that brings the fulfillment of true oneness. Sacred Sex shows how they can experience a beautiful, God-ordained life of intimacy that blesses them far beyond the bedroom walls, serves as an act of worship to God, and touches their hearts and souls in ways they never could have imagined.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
23 people are currently reading
154 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
September 19, 2012
a wonderful book for all married couples, and those who want to get married. Find out what God intended sex to be, and have a truly fulfilled God honoring marriage.
December 30, 2022
‘Sex doesn’t make sense unless we understand it is holy’
It’s just always refreshing to read a biblical view of marriage + sex. A reminder of what God says instead of what the world says about it.
These kinds of books are definitely needed in our world. It’s not like a riveting or enjoying read all the time but good to look thru and get the biblical perspective.
It’s just always refreshing to read a biblical view of marriage + sex. A reminder of what God says instead of what the world says about it.
These kinds of books are definitely needed in our world. It’s not like a riveting or enjoying read all the time but good to look thru and get the biblical perspective.
February 26, 2010
Although I'm not married, I found this book very interesting and informing. For so many years I've heard in church "Sex is bad. Don't do it". But sex is good and designed by God for us to enjoy. It was so nice to read a different view of sex by someone who is a Christian.
January 30, 2019
This one gets an extra star from me because I have read a boatload of Christian books on sexuality over the years, and this one is far more balanced than average. Sadly, most of them tend toward two ends of a spectum, with "When it comes to sex, Christians can have everything secular people do, and a spiritual connection to boot!" How-To manuals on one end, and "Our culture makes too big a deal about physical sex; sex is holy so shut up about it" at the other. Somewhat ironically, both kinds often end up empowering abusive sexuality, where one partner bashes the other over the head with the Law to make them provide what the abuser wants.
Gardner's book is neither, and actually a lot of his advice reflects current studies on human sexuality, but I'm not impressed that he so thoroughly rejects the idea that Christians should worry about science when it comes to sex. Granted, a lot of what's going on in the secular world is insane, and I share Gardner's distrust of giving women testosterone to "fix" their sexuality and similar quick fixes, but at the same time we are living in a world where socially isolated Christians sometimes get married and don't have intercourse for months, because neither partner has a clue what they're doing; and where a lot of men have all manner of crazy ideas about a woman's sexual response (it's all very well to say "they'll figure it out," but the fact remains a lot of couples don't); and where vaginismis rates are higher than average (Christians in legalist systems are more prone to it).
I don't actually have a problem with Gardner's argument that people can figure out sex on their own if that's their first serious introduction to the topic. The problem is that few people reach adulthood in the US without being indoctrinated into some really screwy ideas about sexuality. Gothard has been so discredited I would think most people have abandoned him, but there's always someone lauding the same sort of legalism within Christianity, where sex is something women perform for men, an attitude that a lot of men have a really hard time getting past, and a mindset that makes it less likely women who don't orgasm with PIV intercourse ever figure things out.
And heaven knows, Christians growing up in less constrained situations are not going to be getting much accurate information about a woman's sexual response from porn or numerous other secular resources (or some of the more egregiously bad Christian ones, either). The internet may or may not be resolving this issue, but certainly a book specifically about Christian sexuality ought to be grappling with it. Gardner does poke at some of these foolish ideas, now and again, but I would have been happier if he'd directly challenged more of the stupidities floating around.
One thing a lot of "Christian sex experts" really need to grapple with are the studies on women's sexual arousal (or lack thereof) and the disgust reaction. I appreciated that, even though Gardner shows no awareness what-so-ever of the scientific evidence, his advice would at least not make the situation worse. For a Christian couple reasonably well grounded in Christian principles, this book would be terrific. For a Christian couple where one or both partners struggle with seriously bad sexual ideas and attitudes, it's not going to help much.
As another reviewer points out, it's pretty short on specific techniques or exercises to redirect the mind. But I rather think that wanting exercises to increase your spiritual understanding kind of misses the point. Gardner is trying to bring Christians to an intellectual understanding of that particular reality; the next step, I should think, is to ask God to bring it into your spirit. Praying, and even shared prayer, about what you're doing as part of the sexual experience might be a step in the right direction.
And one point I do think Gardner is right about is that oneness in your sexual experience will reflect oneness in other respects. A couple that shares oneness intellectually and spiritually have much higher odds of achieving the sort of oneness God designed sex to accomplish. Gardner clearly means to challenge the idea that focusing on your sex life is a good way to improve your marriage, and I think there he gets the job done. He makes it clear that the couple needs to be growing in oneness on all fronts, in order to grow in oneness in the marriage bed.
Gardner's book is neither, and actually a lot of his advice reflects current studies on human sexuality, but I'm not impressed that he so thoroughly rejects the idea that Christians should worry about science when it comes to sex. Granted, a lot of what's going on in the secular world is insane, and I share Gardner's distrust of giving women testosterone to "fix" their sexuality and similar quick fixes, but at the same time we are living in a world where socially isolated Christians sometimes get married and don't have intercourse for months, because neither partner has a clue what they're doing; and where a lot of men have all manner of crazy ideas about a woman's sexual response (it's all very well to say "they'll figure it out," but the fact remains a lot of couples don't); and where vaginismis rates are higher than average (Christians in legalist systems are more prone to it).
I don't actually have a problem with Gardner's argument that people can figure out sex on their own if that's their first serious introduction to the topic. The problem is that few people reach adulthood in the US without being indoctrinated into some really screwy ideas about sexuality. Gothard has been so discredited I would think most people have abandoned him, but there's always someone lauding the same sort of legalism within Christianity, where sex is something women perform for men, an attitude that a lot of men have a really hard time getting past, and a mindset that makes it less likely women who don't orgasm with PIV intercourse ever figure things out.
And heaven knows, Christians growing up in less constrained situations are not going to be getting much accurate information about a woman's sexual response from porn or numerous other secular resources (or some of the more egregiously bad Christian ones, either). The internet may or may not be resolving this issue, but certainly a book specifically about Christian sexuality ought to be grappling with it. Gardner does poke at some of these foolish ideas, now and again, but I would have been happier if he'd directly challenged more of the stupidities floating around.
One thing a lot of "Christian sex experts" really need to grapple with are the studies on women's sexual arousal (or lack thereof) and the disgust reaction. I appreciated that, even though Gardner shows no awareness what-so-ever of the scientific evidence, his advice would at least not make the situation worse. For a Christian couple reasonably well grounded in Christian principles, this book would be terrific. For a Christian couple where one or both partners struggle with seriously bad sexual ideas and attitudes, it's not going to help much.
As another reviewer points out, it's pretty short on specific techniques or exercises to redirect the mind. But I rather think that wanting exercises to increase your spiritual understanding kind of misses the point. Gardner is trying to bring Christians to an intellectual understanding of that particular reality; the next step, I should think, is to ask God to bring it into your spirit. Praying, and even shared prayer, about what you're doing as part of the sexual experience might be a step in the right direction.
And one point I do think Gardner is right about is that oneness in your sexual experience will reflect oneness in other respects. A couple that shares oneness intellectually and spiritually have much higher odds of achieving the sort of oneness God designed sex to accomplish. Gardner clearly means to challenge the idea that focusing on your sex life is a good way to improve your marriage, and I think there he gets the job done. He makes it clear that the couple needs to be growing in oneness on all fronts, in order to grow in oneness in the marriage bed.
December 28, 2017
The material in this book was very good and important but I had a problem with how it was laid out and the sacred sex concept wasn’t explained as well as I would have liked it to be. It doesn’t deter me from reading another book by author because I believe this was a very difficult subject and I like Christian authors. I didn’t read it all right away. I started it then didn’t pick it up again for months. He went through most of the book covering don’ts and only the last chapter started to explore what the title implied. I wanted details, how-tos, and what it feels like to be connected to God through sex.
March 29, 2020
Giving this a 5 star because it was so helpful to me personally in teaching me how to think about sex. The mechanics of it my partner and I can explore together but the attitude that underlies our sexual relationship will have long term lasting effects on the satisfaction we get from it. This book did a great job of helping me to understand what, relationally speaking, sex is really all about.
November 15, 2017
Interesting concept. Just left me not feeling one way or the other about it. I feel that this is one of those books that you need to decide if you want to read for yourself and then decide if it met your expectations or not for yourself.
February 1, 2022
Good book about the true purpose of sex. Although author emphasizes on married couples, this book is helpful for singles, anyone that had sex or thinking about having sex. All couples whether married or not should read this book.
February 24, 2018
3.5, a strong start, but began to dissolve into cliches and attempts at humor that were unhelpful.
May 12, 2021
Edifying, comforting, and confidence-building as I prepare for marriage!
January 24, 2024
Watered down, could be summed up in an article
January 23, 2008
This was a bit disappointing. It's nice to have a Christian book discussing the spiritual value of sex, which is too often viewed from the negative than the positive aspects in Christian discourse, but the book was too vague and offered no real practical suggestions or exercises for enhancing the spiritual/sexual connection with one's spouse. (I am not speaking of sexual technique, which the author makes the point is not the key to good sex, but of spiritual exercises for connecting.) The study/discussion questions were a bit inane and didn't do much to spark discussion. For someone who has never thought of sex in a spirtual sense and who needs his mind opened to that idea, this may be quite helpful, but for someone looking for away to enhance the sexual/spirtual connection s/he already believes exists, it's not much use.
August 1, 2009
Um... This still sounds weird, after reading this book, but sex can be a holy event. If a christian's whole life can be lived for God, and I think it can (meaning it's possible, not that it often happens), then every activity proper for the should be able to be somehow done in a way that honors God. That idea, specifically applied to sex, is what this book is about.
Very interesting, and challenging.
Very interesting, and challenging.
February 26, 2025
Such a good book!! Gardner returns to God's design and purpose for sex and works from there. He discusses how sex, orgasms, and all that comes with it are holy and created intentionally by God to experience His glory - what a wild idea. He debunks myths about sex and also discusses the practicality of sex. He ends each chapter with questions to discuss with your parter if you have one. I think this book is critical for everyone (single and married) to read!
July 15, 2009
I never thought I would say the word "sex" this often...
My husband and I read this book together, and it has totally changed the way to view sex in light of God's design for oneness and holiness. If you want to have some great "holy sex", I would highly recommend this book to every Christian couple!!!
My husband and I read this book together, and it has totally changed the way to view sex in light of God's design for oneness and holiness. If you want to have some great "holy sex", I would highly recommend this book to every Christian couple!!!
July 17, 2012
Great book for married couples who want to build a solid foundation of God's purpose for the sexual relationship between a husband and his wife that is based on God's Truth, rather than the hollow and deceptive philosophies of the world. A must-read for any husband who has struggled with sexual immoralities of any kind in the past.
April 4, 2008
A must read for Husbands!!
December 28, 2015
Demystifies our sexuality and re-envisions it with the backdrop of God's holiness. Essential reading for marriage.
March 29, 2011
ehhh...repetitive
January 21, 2015
a serious must read!
January 10, 2014
Besides a book on the ins and outs of sexual intimacy like Ed Wheat's "Intended for Pleasure," this book has been the most helpful for me as it relates to the spiritual aspects of sex.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews