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How and When to Tell Your Kids about Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character
This book will help you establish a biblical view of sexuality for your kids. Learn how and when to talk with your children about sexual curiosity, physical changes of puberty, dating, chastity, and more.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published July 1, 1993
137 people are currently reading
360 people want to read
About the author
Stanton L. Jones
26 books23 followersSTAN JONES, PHD, who recently retired from his posts as provost and professor of psychology at Wheaton College, is a nationally recognized Christian expert on sexuality. He has written books on psychology and Christianity and on homosexuality and has contributed numerous articles to such professional journals as American Psychologist.
Stan and his wife, Brenna, are active in teaching about parenting and marriage in their church. They wrote the original versions of the God's Design for Sex series while their three children were young; now, they enjoy their three kids as adults as well as the early stages of grandparenting.
Stan and his wife, Brenna, are active in teaching about parenting and marriage in their church. They wrote the original versions of the God's Design for Sex series while their three children were young; now, they enjoy their three kids as adults as well as the early stages of grandparenting.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
November 19, 2020
While I don't agree with everything here, the author's gospel foundation, practical coverage of all ages/stages, specific "hot-topic" coverage and super practical wording ideas/examples make this a "textbook every Christian parent should reference. I'm also using the 4 companion age-appropriate books for my girls.
Ideas I want to remember now and will likely add more in the future as we move into the adolescent years.
An Important Word to Parents
"Sex education in the family is less about giving biological information and more about shaping your child's moral character. Th earlier you start helping your child see himself or herself as God does, including in the area o sexuality, the stronger your child will be as they enter the turbulent teenage years."
Chapter 1 The Big Picture: Preparing Healthy, Godly Adults
" Healthy sex education is about preparing children to protect this gift wisely and to give this gift rightly--to be able to love and trust enough to commit their whole selves an futures to another and to God."
"Authoritative parents...offer both high expectations and lavish love and support to their child. These parents want to teach their children, but they combine an emphasis on discipline with warmth, communication, respect, and affection. The authoritative parenting style is the most effective style and produces the healthiest kids. Research suggests that 'kids raised by authoritative parents are more likely to become independent, self-reliant, socially accepted, academically successful, and well-behaved. This research reinforces that parenting is a way in which we symbolize God to our children within our families. Righteousness (expectations) and love (acceptance) are two fundamental facets of God's character, and God's perfect balance of these two characteristics is at the heart of the gospel and of good parenting. Parents are ambassadors or representatives of God in the lives of their children."
Chapter 2 The Challenges Ahead and Resources Available
"Teens who are able to talk to parents and have the support of loving Christian parents, as well as a church family and Christian peers, can make better decisions and resist peer pressure toward sexual activity."
"If you as a parent go ahead in the task of sex education despite discomfort, you are communicating to the child that you care so deeply that you are willing to endure embarrassment and discomfort for your child's sake."
Chapter 3 The Twelve Principles of Christian Sex Education
"Sex education, above all else, is about shaping a child's character. We must shape the values, attitudes, and worldviews of our kids, particularly shaping their moral understanding of sexuality and how it is to be used. We must provide children with the emotional strength they will need to make godly decisions and instill in them the skills to implement the good decisions they make. Most importantly, their behavior will spring from their hearts, which will be formed by their personal relationship with and devotion to God, so influencing their spiritual growth is a top priority."
1. Sex education is the shaping of character.
2. Parents are the principal sex educators.
3. First messages are the most potent.
4. we should seize those "teachable moments" and become "askable" parents.
5. Accurate and explicit messages are best.
6. Positive messages are powerful
7. Stories are powerful teaching tools.
8. you can and must "inoculate" your children against destructive beliefs.
9. Repetition is critical; repetition is really, really important.
10. Close, positive, and balanced parent-child relationships are crucial.
11. Sexuality is not everything; keep your perspective.
12. Our God can forgive, heal, and redeem anything.
Chapter 4 Understanding Character Formation
"Your child will stand the greatest chance of living a life conforming to God's will for sexuality if:
their needs for relatedness and significance are met in the family and in healthy relationships...
they value the right things, namely the things God values;
they believe biblically founded perspectives about the meaning and purposes God gave their sexual nature;
they have the skills to make good decisions and act on them which strength and confidence; and
they have positive supports for making right decisions rather than negative challenges that pull them away from the right path."
"Two strong predictors of teen sexual experimentation emerge from research: (1) amount of closeness to a parent, and (2) level of academic confidence and achievement. Children who feel close to a parent and do well in school tend to delay or avoid sexual experimentation and pregnancy.
Chapter 6 Teaching Love, Family, and Trust
"In these cornerstone years (Infancy through Kindergarten), we focus on themes based on a creational understanding of our sexuality, namely, we
establish that our children are loved beyond measure by their parents and by God, their heavenly Father;
teach them that do intended the family to be the primary arena for the experience of lifelong loyalty and devotion, and of love and unity;
develop their trust in God's law as as reliable and good; and
convince them that their physical bodies, their sexual natures, and their capacity for sexual pleasure are all good and are blessings from God.
Chapter 8 Handling Sexual Curiosity and Other Challenges
"If our bodies are the result of a divine act of creation by God, then our capacity for sexual pleasure is a divine gift. Our task is to help our children see sexual pleasure as a gift, but a gift that can be misused. We also need to teach our kids to enjoy the gift in the way the Creator intended."
Chapter 9 Preventing and Overcoming Sexual Molestation
" The best way to prevent abuse of your children is to build their character by giving them the beliefs, skills, and supportive environment that will best protect them."
Beliefs:
1. Your body is private.
2. Don't keep secrets.
3. Trust your gut (or informed intuition).
Skills:
1. Recognize danger.
2. Be assertive.
3. Meekness not weakness.
4. No means no.
Supportive Environment:
1. Stand behind your child.
2. Reinforce 3 critical rules (see above)
3. Be aware of your child's world.
Chapter 11 Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation: Our Best Counsel
"Our job as parents is to encourage their growth toward strength, virtue, faith and godliness in every dimension through the way that we shape, encourage, teach, and discipline."
Fostering Proper Gender Identity
1. Affirm Your Child's Gender
2. Encourage Identification with the Same-Sex Parent
3. Express Affection "Love your child with abandon. Remember that parenting that provides both love and discipline produces the best outcomes in children's lives. In addition to meeting the child's relational need for loving acceptance, you are guarding your child against seeking to meet that need elsewhere, possibly in a very inappropriate way.
Chapter 12 What is Sex? Why Is It Wrong Outside of Marriage?
3 interwoven factors regarding intercourse:
1. caution about the consequences of sex;
2. the value of obedience to God; and
3. respect for the uniting nature of intercourse itself.
Chapter 13 The Role of Stories and Inoculation
"Three elements of family life are absolutely critical: our personal obedience to God as parents; our communication or teaching of his low, his truth, to our kids; and our immersing their lives in stories and reminders about the faith."
"Inoculation involves parents deliberately exposing their kids to the counterarguments and pressures they will be exposed to later in life but in the safe environment of the family, where you can show them how those non-Christian influences are unconvincing, false, and destructive. WE become the first to tell them the arguments they will hear and help them reason against these destructive messages, thus inoculating them."
Chapter 14 Preparing for Puberty and Adolescence
When explaining puberty to your child: "...work hard to be positive and affirming. Tell kids they will be receiving a gift in installments over the next few years, the gift of an adult body. God is the Gift-Giver, and god means them well with his gift."
"Teenagers should not be burdened by ambiguity regarding what their parents believe to be proper moral and sexual behavior. ... the power of a parent to influence the child's morality lies not so much in how loudly or eloquently that parent expresses his or her moral views, but rather in the power of the love relationship between the parent and child."
Chapter 15 The Dangers of Technology
2 main spiritual and moral concerns with pornography: "First, pornography obviously violates the sacred privacy of individual bodies and of intimate sexual acts. Modesty is a Christian virtue; our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and our sexuality is a divine gift intended for our spouses alone. ... Second, pornography universally depicts immoral acts and draws the viewer into them. ... Pornography presents people's bodies and behavior in ways that are likely to result in harmful comparisons with our current or future marriage partners. ... Pornography almost universally presents a degrading and sexualized view of women. ... The extreme pornography of today is fostering a surge in sexual additions."
Chapter 16 Preparing for Sexual Attraction, Dating, Courtship, and Marriage
"Readiness to date is not determined by physical maturity but by emotional maturity."
Do you have a healthy self-esteem?
Do you have the ability to set boundaries?
Are you strong enough to say not?
Do you have the resilience to accept rejection?
Do you have the capacity to be gracious in rejecting another?
What are your standards for agreeing to a date?
Chapter 17 Moral Discernment About Masturbation and Petting
Questions to guide teens to ask themselves to sort out whether what they are doing is right: Is what you want to do...
a true sign of Christian love toward the other person?
something that the two of you would be comfortable with your Christian friends knowing you were doing?
going to arouse you beyond the point of reason?
Chapter 18 Supporting the Adolescent
Rehearse this statement "Remember, God made sex, and it's a good thing, so use it right!"
Chapter 20 What Is True Purity?
"Parenting is rather like all of the Christian life: It involves both striving and rest."
"...true purity, understood properly, is something that is done to all of us, or better, a gift given to us. It is not something our efforts can accomplish, even guided and powered by the Holy Spirit. this is because true purity is being washed in the blood of the Lamb."
"So the foundation of our dealing with all of the problems that can happen with our kids is the gospel itself--our confidence that our God can heal and redeem anything, and that we as parents can find the strength in him to embody his very character in dealing with our children."
I love this last paragraph as a prayer:
"May God be with us in our parenting efforts. May the Creator God who made us all sexual beings give us wisdom as we teach our children of the magnitude of his good gift. May Jesus Christ, the source of all that is pure, give us discernment and persuasiveness as we teach the Christian view of sexual ethics and give us great effectiveness as we shape our children's character to his greater glory. May the Holy Spirit fill us with the deepest and most vibrant love imaginable for our children, even the very love that the Father has for all his children."
Ideas I want to remember now and will likely add more in the future as we move into the adolescent years.
An Important Word to Parents
"Sex education in the family is less about giving biological information and more about shaping your child's moral character. Th earlier you start helping your child see himself or herself as God does, including in the area o sexuality, the stronger your child will be as they enter the turbulent teenage years."
Chapter 1 The Big Picture: Preparing Healthy, Godly Adults
" Healthy sex education is about preparing children to protect this gift wisely and to give this gift rightly--to be able to love and trust enough to commit their whole selves an futures to another and to God."
"Authoritative parents...offer both high expectations and lavish love and support to their child. These parents want to teach their children, but they combine an emphasis on discipline with warmth, communication, respect, and affection. The authoritative parenting style is the most effective style and produces the healthiest kids. Research suggests that 'kids raised by authoritative parents are more likely to become independent, self-reliant, socially accepted, academically successful, and well-behaved. This research reinforces that parenting is a way in which we symbolize God to our children within our families. Righteousness (expectations) and love (acceptance) are two fundamental facets of God's character, and God's perfect balance of these two characteristics is at the heart of the gospel and of good parenting. Parents are ambassadors or representatives of God in the lives of their children."
Chapter 2 The Challenges Ahead and Resources Available
"Teens who are able to talk to parents and have the support of loving Christian parents, as well as a church family and Christian peers, can make better decisions and resist peer pressure toward sexual activity."
"If you as a parent go ahead in the task of sex education despite discomfort, you are communicating to the child that you care so deeply that you are willing to endure embarrassment and discomfort for your child's sake."
Chapter 3 The Twelve Principles of Christian Sex Education
"Sex education, above all else, is about shaping a child's character. We must shape the values, attitudes, and worldviews of our kids, particularly shaping their moral understanding of sexuality and how it is to be used. We must provide children with the emotional strength they will need to make godly decisions and instill in them the skills to implement the good decisions they make. Most importantly, their behavior will spring from their hearts, which will be formed by their personal relationship with and devotion to God, so influencing their spiritual growth is a top priority."
1. Sex education is the shaping of character.
2. Parents are the principal sex educators.
3. First messages are the most potent.
4. we should seize those "teachable moments" and become "askable" parents.
5. Accurate and explicit messages are best.
6. Positive messages are powerful
7. Stories are powerful teaching tools.
8. you can and must "inoculate" your children against destructive beliefs.
9. Repetition is critical; repetition is really, really important.
10. Close, positive, and balanced parent-child relationships are crucial.
11. Sexuality is not everything; keep your perspective.
12. Our God can forgive, heal, and redeem anything.
Chapter 4 Understanding Character Formation
"Your child will stand the greatest chance of living a life conforming to God's will for sexuality if:
their needs for relatedness and significance are met in the family and in healthy relationships...
they value the right things, namely the things God values;
they believe biblically founded perspectives about the meaning and purposes God gave their sexual nature;
they have the skills to make good decisions and act on them which strength and confidence; and
they have positive supports for making right decisions rather than negative challenges that pull them away from the right path."
"Two strong predictors of teen sexual experimentation emerge from research: (1) amount of closeness to a parent, and (2) level of academic confidence and achievement. Children who feel close to a parent and do well in school tend to delay or avoid sexual experimentation and pregnancy.
Chapter 6 Teaching Love, Family, and Trust
"In these cornerstone years (Infancy through Kindergarten), we focus on themes based on a creational understanding of our sexuality, namely, we
establish that our children are loved beyond measure by their parents and by God, their heavenly Father;
teach them that do intended the family to be the primary arena for the experience of lifelong loyalty and devotion, and of love and unity;
develop their trust in God's law as as reliable and good; and
convince them that their physical bodies, their sexual natures, and their capacity for sexual pleasure are all good and are blessings from God.
Chapter 8 Handling Sexual Curiosity and Other Challenges
"If our bodies are the result of a divine act of creation by God, then our capacity for sexual pleasure is a divine gift. Our task is to help our children see sexual pleasure as a gift, but a gift that can be misused. We also need to teach our kids to enjoy the gift in the way the Creator intended."
Chapter 9 Preventing and Overcoming Sexual Molestation
" The best way to prevent abuse of your children is to build their character by giving them the beliefs, skills, and supportive environment that will best protect them."
Beliefs:
1. Your body is private.
2. Don't keep secrets.
3. Trust your gut (or informed intuition).
Skills:
1. Recognize danger.
2. Be assertive.
3. Meekness not weakness.
4. No means no.
Supportive Environment:
1. Stand behind your child.
2. Reinforce 3 critical rules (see above)
3. Be aware of your child's world.
Chapter 11 Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation: Our Best Counsel
"Our job as parents is to encourage their growth toward strength, virtue, faith and godliness in every dimension through the way that we shape, encourage, teach, and discipline."
Fostering Proper Gender Identity
1. Affirm Your Child's Gender
2. Encourage Identification with the Same-Sex Parent
3. Express Affection "Love your child with abandon. Remember that parenting that provides both love and discipline produces the best outcomes in children's lives. In addition to meeting the child's relational need for loving acceptance, you are guarding your child against seeking to meet that need elsewhere, possibly in a very inappropriate way.
Chapter 12 What is Sex? Why Is It Wrong Outside of Marriage?
3 interwoven factors regarding intercourse:
1. caution about the consequences of sex;
2. the value of obedience to God; and
3. respect for the uniting nature of intercourse itself.
Chapter 13 The Role of Stories and Inoculation
"Three elements of family life are absolutely critical: our personal obedience to God as parents; our communication or teaching of his low, his truth, to our kids; and our immersing their lives in stories and reminders about the faith."
"Inoculation involves parents deliberately exposing their kids to the counterarguments and pressures they will be exposed to later in life but in the safe environment of the family, where you can show them how those non-Christian influences are unconvincing, false, and destructive. WE become the first to tell them the arguments they will hear and help them reason against these destructive messages, thus inoculating them."
Chapter 14 Preparing for Puberty and Adolescence
When explaining puberty to your child: "...work hard to be positive and affirming. Tell kids they will be receiving a gift in installments over the next few years, the gift of an adult body. God is the Gift-Giver, and god means them well with his gift."
"Teenagers should not be burdened by ambiguity regarding what their parents believe to be proper moral and sexual behavior. ... the power of a parent to influence the child's morality lies not so much in how loudly or eloquently that parent expresses his or her moral views, but rather in the power of the love relationship between the parent and child."
Chapter 15 The Dangers of Technology
2 main spiritual and moral concerns with pornography: "First, pornography obviously violates the sacred privacy of individual bodies and of intimate sexual acts. Modesty is a Christian virtue; our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and our sexuality is a divine gift intended for our spouses alone. ... Second, pornography universally depicts immoral acts and draws the viewer into them. ... Pornography presents people's bodies and behavior in ways that are likely to result in harmful comparisons with our current or future marriage partners. ... Pornography almost universally presents a degrading and sexualized view of women. ... The extreme pornography of today is fostering a surge in sexual additions."
Chapter 16 Preparing for Sexual Attraction, Dating, Courtship, and Marriage
"Readiness to date is not determined by physical maturity but by emotional maturity."
Do you have a healthy self-esteem?
Do you have the ability to set boundaries?
Are you strong enough to say not?
Do you have the resilience to accept rejection?
Do you have the capacity to be gracious in rejecting another?
What are your standards for agreeing to a date?
Chapter 17 Moral Discernment About Masturbation and Petting
Questions to guide teens to ask themselves to sort out whether what they are doing is right: Is what you want to do...
a true sign of Christian love toward the other person?
something that the two of you would be comfortable with your Christian friends knowing you were doing?
going to arouse you beyond the point of reason?
Chapter 18 Supporting the Adolescent
Rehearse this statement "Remember, God made sex, and it's a good thing, so use it right!"
Chapter 20 What Is True Purity?
"Parenting is rather like all of the Christian life: It involves both striving and rest."
"...true purity, understood properly, is something that is done to all of us, or better, a gift given to us. It is not something our efforts can accomplish, even guided and powered by the Holy Spirit. this is because true purity is being washed in the blood of the Lamb."
"So the foundation of our dealing with all of the problems that can happen with our kids is the gospel itself--our confidence that our God can heal and redeem anything, and that we as parents can find the strength in him to embody his very character in dealing with our children."
I love this last paragraph as a prayer:
"May God be with us in our parenting efforts. May the Creator God who made us all sexual beings give us wisdom as we teach our children of the magnitude of his good gift. May Jesus Christ, the source of all that is pure, give us discernment and persuasiveness as we teach the Christian view of sexual ethics and give us great effectiveness as we shape our children's character to his greater glory. May the Holy Spirit fill us with the deepest and most vibrant love imaginable for our children, even the very love that the Father has for all his children."
May 8, 2025
SUCH a great resource!
I love that it is backed up by a lot of scientific, cultural, and anecdotal research, while remaining firmly built on the foundation of Scripture.
Some of the conversations/scripts were pretty cheesy and unrealistic, but I think that overall it did a good job of providing practical jumping off points for having good conversations with your kids. I also loved that the emphasis was on cultivating a strong, loving relationship, which bears the fruit of trust and open conversations.
I will admit that I skimmed the second half as it pertained to much older kids, but I will certainly be returning to this book as a resource as my season of life continues to change over time.
I love that it is backed up by a lot of scientific, cultural, and anecdotal research, while remaining firmly built on the foundation of Scripture.
Some of the conversations/scripts were pretty cheesy and unrealistic, but I think that overall it did a good job of providing practical jumping off points for having good conversations with your kids. I also loved that the emphasis was on cultivating a strong, loving relationship, which bears the fruit of trust and open conversations.
I will admit that I skimmed the second half as it pertained to much older kids, but I will certainly be returning to this book as a resource as my season of life continues to change over time.
May 26, 2024
Reading the series with our girls. Amazing awkward moments had by all. Good content.
May 19, 2014
While this Christian book is not perfect and I don't agree with everything in it, it's a wonderful book to get the conversation about sex and open lines of communication started with your children. The two biggest take-always are: start early and talk often (don't just have "the talk"). There are four companion books for parents and children to read together. Those books state facts and are a jumping off point for talking to your children. The four books are broken into four age appropriate levels of information:
The Story of Me (ages 3-5)
Before I was Born (ages 5-8)
What's the Big Deal? Why God Cares about Sex (ages 8-11)
Facing the Facts: The Truth about Sex and You (ages 11-14)
The Story of Me (ages 3-5)
Before I was Born (ages 5-8)
What's the Big Deal? Why God Cares about Sex (ages 8-11)
Facing the Facts: The Truth about Sex and You (ages 11-14)
July 8, 2021
An overall good book with a few subtle caveats. It certainly give some thought to the ways and times (ages) to address sex with your children. Its certainly another book which leans heavily on the overall theme that being involved in your children's lives is the most important thing. Have good conversation is also another which is found here and in other parenting books.
With that being said, the few things I struggled with are that some of the mock conversations are so terribly unlike how any child would respond at those ages that it feels fake and unhelpful. Also, it does its best not to bind onto people consciences what is not written by God, but then also takes some hard stances on what sorts of sex are permissible in the bedroom. In my opinion, its not the parents places, nor anyone else to decide what is acceptable other than the husband and wife in their own marriage bed. Suggesting anything else leads to unwarranted self-doubt, guilt, etc in an arena intended by God to be good in all ways.
The book also reminds you about their other serious enough times that its a wonder why not just to include some of that information in this book other than to ink the money out of your wallet. Its not uncommon for books to reference other books, but this is to the point of annoyance.
With those points aside, it is overall a good book, but not sure I would be quick to recommend it to others.
With that being said, the few things I struggled with are that some of the mock conversations are so terribly unlike how any child would respond at those ages that it feels fake and unhelpful. Also, it does its best not to bind onto people consciences what is not written by God, but then also takes some hard stances on what sorts of sex are permissible in the bedroom. In my opinion, its not the parents places, nor anyone else to decide what is acceptable other than the husband and wife in their own marriage bed. Suggesting anything else leads to unwarranted self-doubt, guilt, etc in an arena intended by God to be good in all ways.
The book also reminds you about their other serious enough times that its a wonder why not just to include some of that information in this book other than to ink the money out of your wallet. Its not uncommon for books to reference other books, but this is to the point of annoyance.
With those points aside, it is overall a good book, but not sure I would be quick to recommend it to others.
March 5, 2024
An excellent book by a (now retired) professor of psychology at Wheaton and his wife. This book is about, as the title indicates, how and when to tell your kids about sex. But it really is about so much more than that, it really is in some ways a comprehensive "how to parent" book, with sex as the organizing topic.
I have appreciated the Wheaton psychology approach to a number of issues including counseling, psychology (duh), sex, ethics, the relationship between church and clinic and other related topics, and this book reminded me of why. It grounds parents in an overall framework of grace and love, has a deep understanding of child development and character formation, and walks through practically how to establish a lifelong relationship with your child, from birth to teenage, with important conversations about sex at every stage.
The book is grounded in real research and has footnotes to back it up at many points. While written before the #MeToo era, the book is helpfully written to help girls (and boys) navigate issues of consent and pressure. It includes a number of model conversation scripts to give an idea of how these conversations can go, but consciously avoids "monologuing" as a strategy.
Originally published in 1993, the edition I read was updated in 2007, still well before critiques of "purity culture" or the "courtship / I kissed dating goodbye" industrial complex came under close scrutiny. Yet, this book remains healthily "against the grain" of the most problematic aspects of those movements, at a a time when it was probably a minority, and unpopular stand. Here's a taste:
"In the first edition of this book, we took a positive stand toward dating... What we said generated some strong negative reactions. We discovered that some Christians believe that dating itself is a corrupt social practice that should be replaced in Christian families by what they argue to be the biblical pattern of courtship" (169). "We resonate with some of the deepest concerns of courtship advocates... But these agreements do not take us to the place of rejecting dating in favor of courtship...
" (170).
Similarly, the book has a helpful take on "purity commitments," including purity rings, and a better way to help teens make genuine, but healthy, commitments to an ideal.
There is a series of four books intended to be read with kids: God's Design for Sex
https://www.goodreads.com/series/1639...
The Story of Me (ages 3–5)
Before I Was Born (ages 5–8)
What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex (ages 8–11)
Facing the Facts : The Truth About Sex and You (ages 11–14)
I know there are other books and other approaches to this topic, perhaps some more up to date, but I was very satisfied with this book, and after several years of using the kids books, have been happy with those as well.
I have appreciated the Wheaton psychology approach to a number of issues including counseling, psychology (duh), sex, ethics, the relationship between church and clinic and other related topics, and this book reminded me of why. It grounds parents in an overall framework of grace and love, has a deep understanding of child development and character formation, and walks through practically how to establish a lifelong relationship with your child, from birth to teenage, with important conversations about sex at every stage.
The book is grounded in real research and has footnotes to back it up at many points. While written before the #MeToo era, the book is helpfully written to help girls (and boys) navigate issues of consent and pressure. It includes a number of model conversation scripts to give an idea of how these conversations can go, but consciously avoids "monologuing" as a strategy.
Originally published in 1993, the edition I read was updated in 2007, still well before critiques of "purity culture" or the "courtship / I kissed dating goodbye" industrial complex came under close scrutiny. Yet, this book remains healthily "against the grain" of the most problematic aspects of those movements, at a a time when it was probably a minority, and unpopular stand. Here's a taste:
"In the first edition of this book, we took a positive stand toward dating... What we said generated some strong negative reactions. We discovered that some Christians believe that dating itself is a corrupt social practice that should be replaced in Christian families by what they argue to be the biblical pattern of courtship" (169). "We resonate with some of the deepest concerns of courtship advocates... But these agreements do not take us to the place of rejecting dating in favor of courtship...
" (170).
Similarly, the book has a helpful take on "purity commitments," including purity rings, and a better way to help teens make genuine, but healthy, commitments to an ideal.
There is a series of four books intended to be read with kids: God's Design for Sex
https://www.goodreads.com/series/1639...
The Story of Me (ages 3–5)
Before I Was Born (ages 5–8)
What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex (ages 8–11)
Facing the Facts : The Truth About Sex and You (ages 11–14)
I know there are other books and other approaches to this topic, perhaps some more up to date, but I was very satisfied with this book, and after several years of using the kids books, have been happy with those as well.
April 21, 2022
Glad they updated the book since it first came out. Great resource. Will be keeping for future kids.
February 27, 2023
Really disappointed in the ending.
The majority of the book was really good, thought provoking, eye opening. Didn’t agree with everything but I’ve also never talked with kids about sex so what do I know. But. The last few chapters they decide to not take a hard stance against masterbation, or hormonal birth control as abortive, and don’t believe in the biblical mandate to be fruitful and multiply. Really really disappointed in the first two points.
The majority of the book was really good, thought provoking, eye opening. Didn’t agree with everything but I’ve also never talked with kids about sex so what do I know. But. The last few chapters they decide to not take a hard stance against masterbation, or hormonal birth control as abortive, and don’t believe in the biblical mandate to be fruitful and multiply. Really really disappointed in the first two points.
October 31, 2021
First read the Chinese one borrowed from the church library. I found it so good that I bought the original English one and read it again.
September 18, 2013
This is a book from a Christian perspective about how to teach children about sex. This book isn't perfect, but the ideas are critical enough that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to any Christian parent.
Early on the authors set out 12 principles that, even if you can't read the whole book, will give you the gist of where they are going:
1. Sex education is the shaping of character.
2. Parents are the principal sex educators.
3. First messages are the most potent.
4. We should seize those teachable moments and become askable parents.
5. Stories are powerful teaching tools.
6. Accurate and explicit messages are best.
7. Positive messages are more powerful than negative messages.
8. We must inoculate our children against destructive moral messages.
9. Repetition is critical; repetition is really, really important.
10. Close, positive parent-child relationships are crucial.
11. Sexuality is not the most important thing in life.
12. Our God can forgive, heal, and redeem anything.
One of the biggest things I came away with is that we should absolutely not be embarrassed or ashamed to talk to our kids about sex. Why would we, because it is a glorious and good gift from God! Also, we should start talking to our kids about sex sooner than we think. The book gives some good suggestions about how to start talking to them even when they're preschoolers and how to progress the conversation through each stage of development. (The authors have written a complementary series to help parents talk with kids: http://goo.gl/rREg9h. Currently we only have book 2. I'm not crazy about the illustration style, but, hey, kids aren't as picky as adults. Our family also got The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made: http://amzn.com/0764223410.)
Another reason for having these conversations early on is to help protect children against sexual abuse. The more they are aware of their own sexuality, its goodness and design, the more prepared they will be to be on guard against abuse and more likely to communicate with parents about any problems. Some people may object that giving children information may actually lead children to curiosity and exploration that they wouldn't otherwise have. But the authors reiterate that if you don't teach your children, someone else will. And, again, we need to start earlier that we think. We have to get our heads out of the sand. (And this isn't just about how bad the world "out there" is getting. These dangers have always been present throughout history, and, perhaps even more so in religious communities.)
But, as the authors state, sexual failure and abuse are not beyond the reach of God's grace. They advocate a serious, rigorous yet grace-based approach that doesn't freak out when our kids fail. "Sexuality isn't the most important thing in life" goes both ways: It protects you from making an idol out of sex, as the thing that most identifies and drives you; it also protects against making sexual failure a point of no return and the biggest sin you could ever commit. I appreciate this level-headed approach. I think it makes parents and children less likely to hide struggles and more open to talking.
These ideas are so important, but not everyone will choose to read a book that is 248 pages long; therefore, I think the impetus is on those who have wrestled with these ideas, along with church leaders, to communicate them to others.
Early on the authors set out 12 principles that, even if you can't read the whole book, will give you the gist of where they are going:
1. Sex education is the shaping of character.
2. Parents are the principal sex educators.
3. First messages are the most potent.
4. We should seize those teachable moments and become askable parents.
5. Stories are powerful teaching tools.
6. Accurate and explicit messages are best.
7. Positive messages are more powerful than negative messages.
8. We must inoculate our children against destructive moral messages.
9. Repetition is critical; repetition is really, really important.
10. Close, positive parent-child relationships are crucial.
11. Sexuality is not the most important thing in life.
12. Our God can forgive, heal, and redeem anything.
One of the biggest things I came away with is that we should absolutely not be embarrassed or ashamed to talk to our kids about sex. Why would we, because it is a glorious and good gift from God! Also, we should start talking to our kids about sex sooner than we think. The book gives some good suggestions about how to start talking to them even when they're preschoolers and how to progress the conversation through each stage of development. (The authors have written a complementary series to help parents talk with kids: http://goo.gl/rREg9h. Currently we only have book 2. I'm not crazy about the illustration style, but, hey, kids aren't as picky as adults. Our family also got The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made: http://amzn.com/0764223410.)
Another reason for having these conversations early on is to help protect children against sexual abuse. The more they are aware of their own sexuality, its goodness and design, the more prepared they will be to be on guard against abuse and more likely to communicate with parents about any problems. Some people may object that giving children information may actually lead children to curiosity and exploration that they wouldn't otherwise have. But the authors reiterate that if you don't teach your children, someone else will. And, again, we need to start earlier that we think. We have to get our heads out of the sand. (And this isn't just about how bad the world "out there" is getting. These dangers have always been present throughout history, and, perhaps even more so in religious communities.)
But, as the authors state, sexual failure and abuse are not beyond the reach of God's grace. They advocate a serious, rigorous yet grace-based approach that doesn't freak out when our kids fail. "Sexuality isn't the most important thing in life" goes both ways: It protects you from making an idol out of sex, as the thing that most identifies and drives you; it also protects against making sexual failure a point of no return and the biggest sin you could ever commit. I appreciate this level-headed approach. I think it makes parents and children less likely to hide struggles and more open to talking.
These ideas are so important, but not everyone will choose to read a book that is 248 pages long; therefore, I think the impetus is on those who have wrestled with these ideas, along with church leaders, to communicate them to others.
January 16, 2024
An excellent resource for all Christian parents who want to best explain God's design of sex to their children. The authors touch on the difficult topics that are sure to arise as we parent our children in this secular world. Things such as the sex itself and what it means, other sexual acts, birth control, abortion, pregnancy, and what have you are all discussed within this book- not only from a biblical perspective, but with pointers on how (and when) to deliver these messages based on the maturity of your children. In addition, this book is accompanied by 4 other titles in a series called "God's Design" to help further discuss the beauty and gravity of sex with children.
Sheltering them isn't working. "The talk" isn't working. Hoping that they will figure it out on their own and make good choices isn't working. We need to be more proactive as parents to steward our children to make good choices all around, but especially in the realm of sex. Hoping for the best is an easy way for the enemy to creep in and whisper lies to your children. Do not give him a foothold.
Sheltering them isn't working. "The talk" isn't working. Hoping that they will figure it out on their own and make good choices isn't working. We need to be more proactive as parents to steward our children to make good choices all around, but especially in the realm of sex. Hoping for the best is an easy way for the enemy to creep in and whisper lies to your children. Do not give him a foothold.
May 15, 2023
I had a mixed experience with this book. The fundamental theology and ideas behind it were generally solid. I could pick at a few nuances I disagreed with, but the best part of the book was how each section called out the relevant verses so you could see what the Bible actually said and not just go with what society is telling you to think. However, the sections on what to actually say to your kids were so cheesy and preachy that I didn't want to use a single one of their approaches. And that was what I was reading to book for, to learn how to communicate these big ideas. It had cringe-worthy dialogue and they also advocate for sharing specific, graphic details as early as 5-7 years old. So, again, good job noting what the Bible says, bad job helping me figure out "how and when to tell my kids."
January 27, 2025
I loved that the book focused mostly on shaping your child’s moral character and helping them find their identity in Christ.
The stronger their faith as well as their relationship and respect for their parents will help them avoid sexual addictions or fall into peer pressure of all sorts. If they feel loved at home, they will be less likely to look for sinful affection or acceptance outside of the home.
I can’t say I agree with everything in this book but it gives a lot of practical help with example conversations about how to talk to your kids about their sexuality. I think it’s a must read for all parents.
The stronger their faith as well as their relationship and respect for their parents will help them avoid sexual addictions or fall into peer pressure of all sorts. If they feel loved at home, they will be less likely to look for sinful affection or acceptance outside of the home.
I can’t say I agree with everything in this book but it gives a lot of practical help with example conversations about how to talk to your kids about their sexuality. I think it’s a must read for all parents.
August 13, 2016
10/5
Yep... this book was mind blowing. Bacanya sambil deg-degan, sambil terenyuh..sambil bingung, setiap halaman saya pelototin.
Rata2 org Indo pikirannya gitu kan ya..paling gak saya...jangan sampe anak perempuan saya dihamilin org gak bertanggung jawab. Yang punya anak cowo gak tahu deh, mungkin lebih rileks ya. Kebetulan saya tinggal di negara yang menganggap sex before marriage IS the norm. Dan bahwa gender itu fluid, silahkan explore dan pilih yang sesuai dengan feeling kamu. Haduh...maap maap, mungkin ada yang gak setuju sama pendapat saya yg gak setuju dengan pernyataan di atas. Tapi kalau anda tertarik membaca buku ini, itu paling tidak mestinya anda se-kuno saya. Whatever~ silahkan membenci saya. But, I believe, kalau anda mau pendapat dan pilihan anda dihormati orang, itu konsekuensi-nya anda juga harus menghargai dan menghormati pilihan hidup saya. Iya toh?
Sex education is the shaping of character.
WHAT??!! Itu pernyataan yang di depan2 dan very mind blowing. How can that be?
Kemudian dia jabarkan, dengan situasi, kalau kamu punya anak gadis, pergi karyawisata sama cowo-nya dan sekolah, dan mereka duduk berdua, yg lain pada tidur, yg cowo mulai grepe2, bagaimanakah seharusnya nih anak bereaksi? Apa yang dibutuhkan nih anak untuk bisa make the right choice? Kalau dia cuma bisa KYAAAAAAAA---jerit doang, itu berarti anak anda kurang punya ketrampilan untuk menolak. Untuk bisa menolak dengan pintar, dia harus punya dasar, dan dasarnya itu jauuuhhh dibentuk sebelum dia puber.
Dia mesti dipuaskan kebutuhannya akan cinta. Just like kalau belanja ke supermarket jangan lagi kelaperan. Kalau dia di rumah gak merasa dicintai, ya dia pas ketemu cowo2 jg spt org kelaperan, haus akan cinta dan pengakuan. Mau diapain aja silahkah---awww
Relatedness-feeling of belonging. Kalau dia merasa belong, sama family dengan a certain value, dia gak akan merasa perlu ikut value org lain.
Significance-I am important, I am good, I am loved. Kalau dia disayang org tua, di sekolah berprestasi dan dapat penghargaan, pendapatnya dihargai dan tidak ditolak, dia gak akan perlu merendahkan dirinya pada saat berhubungan dengan lawan jenis. Dia akan bisa lihat, ngapain gw sama nih org, org lain memperlakukan gw dengan baik kok. Ini saya rasa bukan cuma sama urusan gadis2 ingusan yg gak sabar punya pacar ya. Tapi sama wanita2 dewasa yg terperangkap dalam toxic/abusive relationship. Saya tahu diri saya berharga.
Value- ini something yang sebenarnya paling berat. Kita gak bisa menuntut anak kita menjaga value tertentu kalau kita juga gak menjaga value itu. Kalau org tua sudah berhubungan sblm menikah, atau tidak setia pada pernikahan, gak bisa kita mengharapkan anak gak begitu. Karena dia itu produk dari value dan didikan kita. Value yang diajarkan di sini adalah value Kristen. Yep...ini buku Kristen. Tapi bukan buku yg sekedar religius, tapi juga practical. Dibahas segi agama, sosial, praktek dan psikologi. Value dunia mungkin, jangan hamil seblm nikah karena nanti kamu ditinggal cowok kamu jadi sengsara. Tapi value ke-Kristen-an adalah, jangan hamil sblm menikah, karena tubuh kamu adalah Bait Allah. Kamu berharga di mata Tuhan, di mata org tua, makhluk yang dicintai, gak perlu merendahkan diri menjual seks untuk mendapat cinta.
Jadi..gimana tuh anak gadis kita menolak cowo yg mau grepe2? Harus ada skill, skill yg juga terbentuk jauuuh seblm puberty.
Empathy- kalau dia mendengar cerita temannya yg hamil terus ditinggal, dia harus bisa mikir..gimana ya kalau gw yg begitu. Empathy terhadap org yg kesusahan itu diajarkan oleh org tua, dan mereka juga melihat sikap org tua thd org yg kesusahan. Apakah menolong atau cuek.
Self control-mereka harus bisa menangkis faktor luar dan bersikap sesuai value yg mereka punya
Delay of gratification-Mereka perlu mengalami kalau menabung dikit2 bersusah2, ada hadiah yg besar di belakang. Buku ini mengusulkan pemberian uang jajan bisa mendidik anak dlm hal ini. Jadi mereka bisa bersabar sampai waktunya. Bukannya mencuri start.
Relationship skill-harus bisa jadi good listener dan good conversationalist. Bagaimana dengan luwes mengkomunikasikan value diri sendiri tanpa menyerang atau bersikap judgemental thd org lain.
Decision making-Mengerti bagaimana inti permasalahan, dan gimana keluar dari situasi tanpa kekerasan/huru-hara
Ketrampilan menolak- ini juga kita harus menghargai pendapat dia, kalau dia bilang gak mau, kita ikutin, dia akan tahu bahwa dia punya HAK untuk menolak. Walaupun gak semuanya ya..kan ini konteks value, bukan konteks menolak belajar
Haduh..masih banyak bgt yang bagus di buku ini. Dibahas, bagaimana ttg LGBT, tentang sexual abuse, tentang birth control, bagaimana dilema, kalau tahu ntar mereka seenaknya aja?
Anyway, saya punya teman yang kumpul kebo, punya anak 2 dan setelah itu menikah. Suami istri org baik2, terpelajar dan anggota masyarakat yang suka membantu, istrinya volunteer. Memang mereka org Barat ya..jadi org tua mereka juga support aja.
Jadi saya tantang ibu pendeta yang menyampaikan seminar ini (dg buku panduan ini). Bagaimana kalau anak saya tanya ke saya, tuh Ma, gak papa kok, mereka happily ever after. Menjaga kesucian itu cuma praktik masa lampau kok Ma? Mereka gak kena STD, istrinya gak ditinggal, mereka punya keluarga yg bahagia.
And si Ibu Pendeta menjawab begini.
"Silvia, kamu pikirkan sendiri, apa arti pernikahan untuk kamu? Itu yang kamu pakai untuk menjawab anak kamu. "
.....
Merinding dengernya.
Yep... this book was mind blowing. Bacanya sambil deg-degan, sambil terenyuh..sambil bingung, setiap halaman saya pelototin.
Rata2 org Indo pikirannya gitu kan ya..paling gak saya...jangan sampe anak perempuan saya dihamilin org gak bertanggung jawab. Yang punya anak cowo gak tahu deh, mungkin lebih rileks ya. Kebetulan saya tinggal di negara yang menganggap sex before marriage IS the norm. Dan bahwa gender itu fluid, silahkan explore dan pilih yang sesuai dengan feeling kamu. Haduh...maap maap, mungkin ada yang gak setuju sama pendapat saya yg gak setuju dengan pernyataan di atas. Tapi kalau anda tertarik membaca buku ini, itu paling tidak mestinya anda se-kuno saya. Whatever~ silahkan membenci saya. But, I believe, kalau anda mau pendapat dan pilihan anda dihormati orang, itu konsekuensi-nya anda juga harus menghargai dan menghormati pilihan hidup saya. Iya toh?
Sex education is the shaping of character.
WHAT??!! Itu pernyataan yang di depan2 dan very mind blowing. How can that be?
Kemudian dia jabarkan, dengan situasi, kalau kamu punya anak gadis, pergi karyawisata sama cowo-nya dan sekolah, dan mereka duduk berdua, yg lain pada tidur, yg cowo mulai grepe2, bagaimanakah seharusnya nih anak bereaksi? Apa yang dibutuhkan nih anak untuk bisa make the right choice? Kalau dia cuma bisa KYAAAAAAAA---jerit doang, itu berarti anak anda kurang punya ketrampilan untuk menolak. Untuk bisa menolak dengan pintar, dia harus punya dasar, dan dasarnya itu jauuuhhh dibentuk sebelum dia puber.
Dia mesti dipuaskan kebutuhannya akan cinta. Just like kalau belanja ke supermarket jangan lagi kelaperan. Kalau dia di rumah gak merasa dicintai, ya dia pas ketemu cowo2 jg spt org kelaperan, haus akan cinta dan pengakuan. Mau diapain aja silahkah---awww
Relatedness-feeling of belonging. Kalau dia merasa belong, sama family dengan a certain value, dia gak akan merasa perlu ikut value org lain.
Significance-I am important, I am good, I am loved. Kalau dia disayang org tua, di sekolah berprestasi dan dapat penghargaan, pendapatnya dihargai dan tidak ditolak, dia gak akan perlu merendahkan dirinya pada saat berhubungan dengan lawan jenis. Dia akan bisa lihat, ngapain gw sama nih org, org lain memperlakukan gw dengan baik kok. Ini saya rasa bukan cuma sama urusan gadis2 ingusan yg gak sabar punya pacar ya. Tapi sama wanita2 dewasa yg terperangkap dalam toxic/abusive relationship. Saya tahu diri saya berharga.
Value- ini something yang sebenarnya paling berat. Kita gak bisa menuntut anak kita menjaga value tertentu kalau kita juga gak menjaga value itu. Kalau org tua sudah berhubungan sblm menikah, atau tidak setia pada pernikahan, gak bisa kita mengharapkan anak gak begitu. Karena dia itu produk dari value dan didikan kita. Value yang diajarkan di sini adalah value Kristen. Yep...ini buku Kristen. Tapi bukan buku yg sekedar religius, tapi juga practical. Dibahas segi agama, sosial, praktek dan psikologi. Value dunia mungkin, jangan hamil seblm nikah karena nanti kamu ditinggal cowok kamu jadi sengsara. Tapi value ke-Kristen-an adalah, jangan hamil sblm menikah, karena tubuh kamu adalah Bait Allah. Kamu berharga di mata Tuhan, di mata org tua, makhluk yang dicintai, gak perlu merendahkan diri menjual seks untuk mendapat cinta.
Jadi..gimana tuh anak gadis kita menolak cowo yg mau grepe2? Harus ada skill, skill yg juga terbentuk jauuuh seblm puberty.
Empathy- kalau dia mendengar cerita temannya yg hamil terus ditinggal, dia harus bisa mikir..gimana ya kalau gw yg begitu. Empathy terhadap org yg kesusahan itu diajarkan oleh org tua, dan mereka juga melihat sikap org tua thd org yg kesusahan. Apakah menolong atau cuek.
Self control-mereka harus bisa menangkis faktor luar dan bersikap sesuai value yg mereka punya
Delay of gratification-Mereka perlu mengalami kalau menabung dikit2 bersusah2, ada hadiah yg besar di belakang. Buku ini mengusulkan pemberian uang jajan bisa mendidik anak dlm hal ini. Jadi mereka bisa bersabar sampai waktunya. Bukannya mencuri start.
Relationship skill-harus bisa jadi good listener dan good conversationalist. Bagaimana dengan luwes mengkomunikasikan value diri sendiri tanpa menyerang atau bersikap judgemental thd org lain.
Decision making-Mengerti bagaimana inti permasalahan, dan gimana keluar dari situasi tanpa kekerasan/huru-hara
Ketrampilan menolak- ini juga kita harus menghargai pendapat dia, kalau dia bilang gak mau, kita ikutin, dia akan tahu bahwa dia punya HAK untuk menolak. Walaupun gak semuanya ya..kan ini konteks value, bukan konteks menolak belajar
Haduh..masih banyak bgt yang bagus di buku ini. Dibahas, bagaimana ttg LGBT, tentang sexual abuse, tentang birth control, bagaimana dilema, kalau tahu ntar mereka seenaknya aja?
Anyway, saya punya teman yang kumpul kebo, punya anak 2 dan setelah itu menikah. Suami istri org baik2, terpelajar dan anggota masyarakat yang suka membantu, istrinya volunteer. Memang mereka org Barat ya..jadi org tua mereka juga support aja.
Jadi saya tantang ibu pendeta yang menyampaikan seminar ini (dg buku panduan ini). Bagaimana kalau anak saya tanya ke saya, tuh Ma, gak papa kok, mereka happily ever after. Menjaga kesucian itu cuma praktik masa lampau kok Ma? Mereka gak kena STD, istrinya gak ditinggal, mereka punya keluarga yg bahagia.
And si Ibu Pendeta menjawab begini.
"Silvia, kamu pikirkan sendiri, apa arti pernikahan untuk kamu? Itu yang kamu pakai untuk menjawab anak kamu. "
.....
Merinding dengernya.
December 2, 2023
Even though I disagreed with quite a few things in this book, I found it to be a super valuable and important read! I actually got a lot out of it. It’s also the best book I’ve found on this topic, the last one I read felt outdated and didn’t really have any information past the basics. As long as you can overlook certain things, this book is really helpful. It’s even just good for developing your own ideas of how you want to navigate the topics discussed - they definitely address areas of parenting that can’t be ignored. Some heavy topics too that I think were important to read :(
July 16, 2022
This is one of those subjects I don’t think any 2 families will completely agree on or handle in the same manner. I don’t agree with *everything* in this book and some of it is a season or two ahead of where we are currently. However, I feel like these authors have done an incredible job in creating a gospel centered and comprehensive guide on teaching our children a biblical foundation of puberty sexuality and beyond. I’m sure I’ll be referencing this book often through the years
June 3, 2020
This book was really valuable... great structure and layering of the foundations to build on kids’ characters, helpful examples of conversations, and encouragement for parents to keep at talking about sex, purity, God’s design and plan for all of it. I bookmarked and underlined many areas throughout. I’m very thankful to have this resource!
December 16, 2024
3.5 ⭐️ A lot to think about… covers a large amount of topics. Definitely didn’t agree with everything or the wording of some things… but they make that very clear in the beginning of the book no one is going to agree with the entirely of the book (it’s a long one!). Appreciate the lifelong relationship building approach and biblical foundation.
May 12, 2025
I did not finish. Got to chapter 16 out of 22. While there are some helpful strategies in this book, I could not handle the horrible stories of families who have had to navigate terrible things happening to their children. The evil represented in this book outweighed the helpfulness, in my opinion.
January 5, 2021
I had to read it for a class, and I’m not the most religious person but the author still made some really great points and told good stories about talking to kids about it. It’s all about being willing to just start a conversation and I’m glad he did.
September 3, 2024
3.5 ⭐️ rounded up. Although I don’t agree with everything in this one (and the authors recognize that most will not), I still found it quite helpful. I love the author’s book series for kids and we’ve used it for years.
December 14, 2024
I was pretty disappointed that the chapter on pornography was only directed at boys/young men and the chapter on sexual assault was only directed at girls/young women but overall a good blueprint w/ some helpful & insightful information.
May 15, 2018
I highly recommend, especially to anyone who has kids of any age!
July 21, 2018
This is one I’ll definitely be referring back to over the years. I highly recommend this to all parents - the earlier the better.
May 3, 2020
This book is excellent. I really appreciated the wisdom and humility brought to the topic of sexual education.
March 19, 2022
I sense a little confusion but overall pretty good considering the good book, cultural Christianity, and Protestant shame.
November 30, 2022
This is a must read!!
June 25, 2023
Thoughtful, well-informed, balanced, thorough. Beautiful perspectives, and not squeamish. Healing, honestly. A great resource for Christian parents. Highly recommend.
November 20, 2023
Very practically helpful.
February 5, 2017
This is a well written and thoughtfully reasoned guide for parents looking to address one of the most sensitive parts of life with their kids. It does have strong evangelical Christian foundations, but I also sensed an open awareness that families land in many places along that spectrum. As we are starting some of these conversations, this book and the accompanying age appropriate books to read with children seem very useful. Sexuality and it's distorted reality is handled with healthy respect and not alarmist statements.
The foundational chapters included a whole reality perspective that I found to be a very helpful outline of what has been a gradual shift in my own thinking. The story of humanity can be outlined through Creation, the Fall, Redemption, and our coming Glorification. When we classify sex within that framework, it is a gift from God that has given, now often misused by the enemy or our own selfish desires. And yet, it still is so rich and valuable when handled correctly! Like many who grew up in the church the 90's, my experience was that sex was hush hush except to tell you to avoid it and consequences if you didn't. (In other words, sex is just part of the Fall.) The fallout from that is still being dealt with in many marriages and hearts, and something to avoid in the next generation.
I only read through the first few chapters addressed to young kids but will likely revisit this in a few years as more questions and maturity come for our kids.
The foundational chapters included a whole reality perspective that I found to be a very helpful outline of what has been a gradual shift in my own thinking. The story of humanity can be outlined through Creation, the Fall, Redemption, and our coming Glorification. When we classify sex within that framework, it is a gift from God that has given, now often misused by the enemy or our own selfish desires. And yet, it still is so rich and valuable when handled correctly! Like many who grew up in the church the 90's, my experience was that sex was hush hush except to tell you to avoid it and consequences if you didn't. (In other words, sex is just part of the Fall.) The fallout from that is still being dealt with in many marriages and hearts, and something to avoid in the next generation.
I only read through the first few chapters addressed to young kids but will likely revisit this in a few years as more questions and maturity come for our kids.
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