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Delayed Response: The Art of Waiting from the Ancient to the Instant World
We have always been conscious of the wait for life-changing messages, whether it be the time it takes to receive a text message from your love, for a soldier's family to learn news from the front, or for a space probe to deliver data from the far reaches of the solar system. In this book in praise of wait times, award-winning author Jason Farman passionately argues that the delay between call and answer has always been an important part of the message. Traveling backward from our current era of Twitter and texts, Farman shows how societies have worked to eliminate waiting in communication and how they have interpreted those times' meanings. Exploring seven eras and objects of waiting--including pneumatic mail tubes in New York, Elizabethan wax seals, and Aboriginal Australian message sticks--Farman offers a new mindset for waiting. In a rebuttal to the demand for instant communication, Farman makes a powerful case for why good things can come to those who wait.
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Published November 20, 2018
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About the author
Jason Farman
5 books19 followersJason Farman is a professor and Associate Dean of the Graduate School at the University of Maryland, College Park. He is also a faculty member with the Human-Computer Interaction Lab. He writes about how technology has transformed society throughout history. His work has been featured in The Atlantic, GQ, Aeon, Vox, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, NPR, 99% Invisible, Atlas Obscura, ELLE Magazine, Brain Pickings, and others.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
February 15, 2019
When I first read the excerpt/ blurb of this book I was setting myself up for a ripper read. Something really insightful and clever, good questions, many stories, histories, and a unique take on what we characterise as mundane. The act of waiting for a response. Imagine the possibilities! This book could go to some outrageously cool places. Alas, it was not to be.
To be fair I set myself up. I mean, it seemed obvious this was some fantastic subject matter on hand. I was convinced the author would sink his teeth into it and devour it unabashedly before us in the open. But dear god, he HEDGES. And he is a bore. A dead bore.
It’s terrifically misleading and then incomprehensibly frustrating how he opens with such flourish, some little known titbit. He throws it to us and we pounce on it. This is a culture vulture, I think. He’s done the homework and bringing home the spoils of his discoveries. But no. What Jason Farman does it simply touch the tip of the iceberg and run away. The questions are rhetoric. He does not mean to uncover a little known gem and take off on an etymological adventure. No. He introduces and then.. simply moves on. Imagine encountering the Taj Mahal for the first time in your life only to give it a glance, shrug, and then walk away to get some peanuts.
This is no, "celebration of waiting" - let me tell you. It is no celebration of any kind. Yes, there are nuggets of gold thrown around this book but you’ll find them only to lose them quickly. Farman does not seem to have a grip on what is of true interest, choosing instead to focus on sundries and long drawn out, excruciatingly detailed historical trivia that nobody could care less about. This book, unfortunately keeps missing its mark.
Utterly, mindlessly dull.
To be fair I set myself up. I mean, it seemed obvious this was some fantastic subject matter on hand. I was convinced the author would sink his teeth into it and devour it unabashedly before us in the open. But dear god, he HEDGES. And he is a bore. A dead bore.
It’s terrifically misleading and then incomprehensibly frustrating how he opens with such flourish, some little known titbit. He throws it to us and we pounce on it. This is a culture vulture, I think. He’s done the homework and bringing home the spoils of his discoveries. But no. What Jason Farman does it simply touch the tip of the iceberg and run away. The questions are rhetoric. He does not mean to uncover a little known gem and take off on an etymological adventure. No. He introduces and then.. simply moves on. Imagine encountering the Taj Mahal for the first time in your life only to give it a glance, shrug, and then walk away to get some peanuts.
This is no, "celebration of waiting" - let me tell you. It is no celebration of any kind. Yes, there are nuggets of gold thrown around this book but you’ll find them only to lose them quickly. Farman does not seem to have a grip on what is of true interest, choosing instead to focus on sundries and long drawn out, excruciatingly detailed historical trivia that nobody could care less about. This book, unfortunately keeps missing its mark.
Utterly, mindlessly dull.
July 14, 2019
“Waiting is not as a burden, but an important feature of human connection, intimacy, and learning. There is so much we can learn from waiting, if we only take the time.”
And here an apt description of my love life:
“In A Lover’s Discourse, Roland Barthes describes the eroticism of waiting. He writes, “Waiting is an enchantment: I have received orders not to move. … Am I in love?—Yes, since I am waiting. The other never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn’t wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game: whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover’s fatal identity is precisely: I am the one who waits.” The lover is not only willing to wait for the object of desire but is defined by that willingness to wait. While we wait, our desire grows and comes to define our relationship to the person (or object) we long for.
Sometimes the waiting is the very act that gives us pleasure in these erotic connections to people and things. Barthes recounts a Chinese tale of a man in love with a courtesan, who tells him, “I shall be yours when you have spent a hundred nights waiting for me.” On the ninety-ninth night, the man stood up, put his stool under his arm, and went away. Waiting was the practice of dwelling in the fantasy about the object of longing.”
And here an apt description of my love life:
“In A Lover’s Discourse, Roland Barthes describes the eroticism of waiting. He writes, “Waiting is an enchantment: I have received orders not to move. … Am I in love?—Yes, since I am waiting. The other never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn’t wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game: whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover’s fatal identity is precisely: I am the one who waits.” The lover is not only willing to wait for the object of desire but is defined by that willingness to wait. While we wait, our desire grows and comes to define our relationship to the person (or object) we long for.
Sometimes the waiting is the very act that gives us pleasure in these erotic connections to people and things. Barthes recounts a Chinese tale of a man in love with a courtesan, who tells him, “I shall be yours when you have spent a hundred nights waiting for me.” On the ninety-ninth night, the man stood up, put his stool under his arm, and went away. Waiting was the practice of dwelling in the fantasy about the object of longing.”
January 19, 2019
There is no way I can possibly do justice to Dr. Farman’s Delayed Response in a short review. However, hopefully I can give some insight into this phenomenal book.
Being a rather impatient person, I was challenged throughout the book to look at waiting in a whole new light. The way he puts a positive spin on a topic that many of us might argue is a negative in our lives is absolutely phenomenal. He captivated me with his stories of the various ways humans have waited over a vast period time and has left me with so many questions about how I might now learn to be better at waiting and find the joy in the moment, rather than just passing the time to get to the next thing. His beautiful tribute to Private Joseph Coryell will be in my mind for a long time to come, as will his conclusion and call for a suggested alternate response to waiting. I am eager to share this with my middle school students and encourage them to consider the ways waiting impacts them every day.
I highly recommend this to anyone who has ever had to wait for anything.
Being a rather impatient person, I was challenged throughout the book to look at waiting in a whole new light. The way he puts a positive spin on a topic that many of us might argue is a negative in our lives is absolutely phenomenal. He captivated me with his stories of the various ways humans have waited over a vast period time and has left me with so many questions about how I might now learn to be better at waiting and find the joy in the moment, rather than just passing the time to get to the next thing. His beautiful tribute to Private Joseph Coryell will be in my mind for a long time to come, as will his conclusion and call for a suggested alternate response to waiting. I am eager to share this with my middle school students and encourage them to consider the ways waiting impacts them every day.
I highly recommend this to anyone who has ever had to wait for anything.
April 18, 2020
3.5 really? Parts of this book were nerdvana. Miles of pneumatic tubes underneath New York City? Fascinating! And the thesis was perfectly au courant for all of us waiting out the Covid-19 social distancing days.
Unfortunately, despite the well-researched, fascinating factoids and stories (of which there are many), the thesis was never exactly thoroughly mined. I walked away from this book with a slight feeling of dissatisfaction. Perhaps it’s because the ending in which he suggests a tactic for deriving meaning from waiting seems...not particularly helpful? Or original? At least, not in my personal case, waiting for the pandemic to ease.
Unfortunately, despite the well-researched, fascinating factoids and stories (of which there are many), the thesis was never exactly thoroughly mined. I walked away from this book with a slight feeling of dissatisfaction. Perhaps it’s because the ending in which he suggests a tactic for deriving meaning from waiting seems...not particularly helpful? Or original? At least, not in my personal case, waiting for the pandemic to ease.
February 25, 2025
3.5 stars (audiobook)
Some interesting tidbits here and there, like how back in ancient Greece(?), the written word was seen to be less trustworthy than oral arguments, because a person could be cross-examined in person whereas a written document could be forged.
Also liked hearing about the pneumatic tubes running under NYC and in other large cities, to deliver mail without having to deal with traffic.
The section on the soldiers during the Civil War dragged on a bit though.
Some interesting tidbits here and there, like how back in ancient Greece(?), the written word was seen to be less trustworthy than oral arguments, because a person could be cross-examined in person whereas a written document could be forged.
Also liked hearing about the pneumatic tubes running under NYC and in other large cities, to deliver mail without having to deal with traffic.
The section on the soldiers during the Civil War dragged on a bit though.
February 4, 2021
Love the introduction and some interesting history (e.g. pneumatic tubes) regarding this topic. Lacking sufficient discussion on social media, though the author refers to tech companies in the introduction and conclusion.
March 18, 2019
Love. My best thoughts come during waiting. For work. For relationships. For art. For priority organizing.
September 17, 2019
Una de las joyas de mi 2019.
June 15, 2020
A thoughtful look at how progress in communication over the ages resulted in changes to how we look at the time we spend waiting for things. Spoiler alert: those changes aren't necessarily positive.
May 19, 2023
I was expecting something different from this book and found it difficult to link the final chapter ato the rest of the book. Yet, I learned and enjoyed reading it.
January 26, 2021
I love a good non-fiction book where I learn at least one new thing. With Farman’s book, I counted four - dating teenagers using messaging without words, the pneumatic tubes in NYC, the benefits of roundabouts (which I technically knew but he affirmed!), and wax stamps. Have I seen wax stamp before? Probably. Was it more impactful knowing the history when I saw them at a castle in Scotland? Absolutely. (Okay, perhaps I’m a nerd.) For anyone who likes to learn and be entertained while doing it, give this book a read.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews