Literally ranted out again and it's 1 in the morning
“When we get out of here, I’m going to take ballet. Fuck everyone saying I’m too old.”
“Sofia … we’re not getting out of here.”
“Sofia,” I whisper-yelled, not wanting to draw attention to us. “Sofia, please.”
Nothing.
Sofia was Hanna's twin sister who were both kidnapped and put into a sex trafficking ring.
Both of them were tied up and drugged and used by men
Sofia was a loud dreamer who had big dreams of doing ballet once they were out and wanted Hannah to do maths even if she looked like a nerd
But she dies besides Hanna because of a drug overdose ,
Hanna was rescued the next day.
“They don’t understand that you did everything right. You didn’t leave a drink unattended. You never went anywhere alone. And yet, somehow, it still happened.
Hanna had deep rooted trauma because of the 4 months she was taken in.
She went to therapy to overcome her fears mentally but one thing that ALWAYS held her back was intimacy.
Physical touch with people scared her except ONE man and that is ladies and gentlemen *drum rolls*
DANIEL
Daniel made my chest warm, and my heart speed up and slow down at the same time.
Daniel here had his own shit to work out with.
His ex girlfriend killed herself sophomore year and wrote a note to him about how she wasn't enough for him always and he was the one pushing her far away from himself as possible and that made this man scared to date and fall in love again.
“What is it about you that I’m not scared of?” she whispered.
“I don’t know, but I’m glad you’re not.”
He owned a sex club.
More like a live sex club where people can watch live porn and enjoy themselves.
Hanna wanted to watch just so she could shake the fear off her
She went in indeed
But panicked and ran into Daniel
“So, you want to watch live porn with me?” she asked slowly.
I laughed at hearing it put so bluntly. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. But no, I didn’t want to watch Hanna hurt if I didn’t have to. “If it will help you through.”.
Daniel puts up a proposition that she watches it with him if it makes her feel safe.
After a try and two he proposes the idea that if she wants to get more open to physical touches and she feels safe with him.
They both can try and touch and work their way up till she feels comfortable
And she says yes.
“I can want all I want, but it doesn’t mean it’s mine to take.”
MEN TAKE FUCKING NOTES.
I LOVED how Daniel was patient.
He didn't coddle her like everyone but treated her like a normal person but more fragile.
He knew BOUNDARIES that some of y'all men really don't fucking understand.
They both decided that they would not make this awkward and would be friends.
Which was by not kissing. No kissing means no attachment and they'd strictly keep this under limits.
"Friends"?? Are y'all getting me *smirks*
This man makes her take self defence classes. And teaches her himself because he knows she doesn't like when strangers touch her.
She wanted to travel.
He made it sure she did WITH him
(Ps. They kissed there *wink wink*)
The more I observed Hanna, the more I saw a pot bubbling a little too high. I had no doubt she dealt with the biggest of her fears and shelved her biggest issues, but just because the biggest monsters were conquered, didn’t mean the small ones couldn’t do as much damage. The problem was that you sometimes missed them before it was too late.
Sometimes your fears and demons from the past can haunt you and not let you enjoy and savour what you have in front of you.
Perfect example of which was Daniel
Sabrina (his ex) scarred him so deep that he was scared to actually be with someone after her because she killed herself for the help she didn't take.
And on the other hand we had Hanna fall in love with him.
The last girl who loved me killed herself. And ever since Hanna’s admission, Sabrina’s memory haunted me like it foreshadowed a future with Hanna. I’d seen the hurt in her eyes when I hadn’t said it back. The green had been achingly familiar, and I froze, terrified of repeating the past.
Hanna made Daniel feel like he was in the exact same position that he was in before.
Girl with issues ✅
The fact that he cannot love ✅
Doing everything to keep her going and healing her ✅
Everything reminded him of the position he was in all those years back.
So when Hanna told him she loved him , he ...ran from the feeling.
“Shut the fuck up,” Kent growled, leaning in close. “Sabrina killed herself because she had mental health issues she refused to get help for.”
“Maybe if I could have at least said it. She’d have stuck around long enough for me to help her. Maybe I could have eventually loved her and helped her.”
“No. Love doesn’t fix sickness. It can’t cure cancer, so how do you expect it to heal a mind?”
Kent (Daniel's bestfriend) kicked some sense into this man istg. And as he should this dumb bish needed to hear that.
*Eyerolls*
“Now I’m going to ask you again…Do you love her? Love her enough to chance her kicking you in the balls and telling you to fuck off? Love her enough to let her kick you in the balls even if she does accept your sorry ass so she can feel better?”
“Yeah. I love her. So fucking much.”
Hehe just friends my ass. 😏
Okay all in all?
Loved it.
I may be biased because I am a soft bitch when I read about sexual trauma.
But still at the end of the day the book hit where it was supposed to, and in all the right ways.
I was really expecting this to be a sexy hard smut book but it made my heart soft. Smh. No complaints tho.