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Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes
Whether it is chosen or thrust upon you, change brings both opportunities and turmoil. Since first published 25 years ago, Transitions has helped hundreds of thousands of readers cope with these issues by providing an elegantly simple yet profoundly insightful roadmap of the transition process. With the understanding born of both personal and professional experience, William Bridges takes readers step by step through the three stages of any transition: The Ending, The Neutral Zone, and, in time, The New Beginning. Bridges explains how each stage can be understood and embraced, leading to meaningful and productive movement into a hopeful future. With a new introduction highlighting how the advice in the book continues to apply and is perhaps even more relevant today, and a new chapter devoted to change in the workplace, Transitions will remain the essential guide for coping with the one constant in life: change.
194 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 11, 2004
About the author
William Bridges
16 books54 followersWilliam Bridges is an internationally known speaker, author, and consultant who advises individuals and organizations in how to deal productively with change.
Educated originally in the humanities at Harvard, Columbia, and Brown Universities, he was (until his own career change in 1974) a professor of American Literature at Mills College, Oakland, CA. He is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology. The Wall Street Journal listed him as one of the top ten independent executive development presenters in America.
[source]
Educated originally in the humanities at Harvard, Columbia, and Brown Universities, he was (until his own career change in 1974) a professor of American Literature at Mills College, Oakland, CA. He is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology. The Wall Street Journal listed him as one of the top ten independent executive development presenters in America.
[source]
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 452 reviews
October 20, 2008
This little book is one of the first that I've read that deals with all the psychological and relational shifts involved in a state of transition or change. I wish I'd read this earlier in my life.
This could be read by anyone who has left school, gotten married, lost a partner, changed jobs or careers, lost a family member or had a baby. So in other words, everyone!
It's not self-helpy and it's not esoteric. It's very practical and allows one to reflect on times of change.
***I first heard about it from my friend Kaari, who mentioned it in her livejournal.
I plan to get a copy for those tough times of rediscovery ahead in my life.
This could be read by anyone who has left school, gotten married, lost a partner, changed jobs or careers, lost a family member or had a baby. So in other words, everyone!
It's not self-helpy and it's not esoteric. It's very practical and allows one to reflect on times of change.
***I first heard about it from my friend Kaari, who mentioned it in her livejournal.
I plan to get a copy for those tough times of rediscovery ahead in my life.
January 12, 2017
This was assigned work reading! Who knew bosses could assign you books!
The last year has meant a lot of changes at work and the vast majority have been good ones, like, 99.99999%, but our department has had to get used to it, so that's where the assigned reading came from.
Anyway, like most self-help-ish books, you kind of have to figure out what parts work for you and the part that I really valued was the idea of a "neutral" zone between the ending and a new beginning. And this neutral zone is a good thing and it's okay and even valuable that you feel all confused and lost and not sure what you want in that time period. That's really helped me when I look back at some of my own life transitions.
This is also the book that made me want to read about Eleanor Roosevelt because of this passage:
When Eleanor Roosevelt looked back on her own painful life transition at thirty-five, she wrote, "Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else's life, not even your own child's." What she did not say was that her discovery came only after a terrible time of disenchantment and disorientation that almost killed her. She had discovered that her husband was having an affair with one of her most rusted friends. It was out of the shattered dream of domestic safety that she emerged, struggling against her own shyness and self-doubt, to become the important public figure in her own right that she remained for the rest of her life.
I find that so very relatable.
Flaw in the book: Lots of talk about "traditional cultures." It's wrong to group all cultures together and what does "traditional" mean anyway?
The last year has meant a lot of changes at work and the vast majority have been good ones, like, 99.99999%, but our department has had to get used to it, so that's where the assigned reading came from.
Anyway, like most self-help-ish books, you kind of have to figure out what parts work for you and the part that I really valued was the idea of a "neutral" zone between the ending and a new beginning. And this neutral zone is a good thing and it's okay and even valuable that you feel all confused and lost and not sure what you want in that time period. That's really helped me when I look back at some of my own life transitions.
This is also the book that made me want to read about Eleanor Roosevelt because of this passage:
When Eleanor Roosevelt looked back on her own painful life transition at thirty-five, she wrote, "Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never really live anyone else's life, not even your own child's." What she did not say was that her discovery came only after a terrible time of disenchantment and disorientation that almost killed her. She had discovered that her husband was having an affair with one of her most rusted friends. It was out of the shattered dream of domestic safety that she emerged, struggling against her own shyness and self-doubt, to become the important public figure in her own right that she remained for the rest of her life.
I find that so very relatable.
Flaw in the book: Lots of talk about "traditional cultures." It's wrong to group all cultures together and what does "traditional" mean anyway?
February 1, 2022
The author recommends taking some time--preferably on a retreat--when faced with a major change before deciding anything. That's reasonable but did not strike me as being enough for a book. Nevertheless, in our time-pressured world, I can see how it could be useful to listen to this nice gentleman encouraging us to pause.
September 17, 2018
I read "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes" by William Bridges, considered a classic in the genre in preparation for a workshop that I am co-facilitating in October.
I found the material presented here useful and thought-provoking. Bridges takes us through his theoretical model of how we move through transition in our lives: "endings," "the neutral zone," and "new beginnings." And, as is the intent, inspired me to apply these concepts to transitions in my own life. Some things that I found particularly useful at this time in my life include:
p. xii - "...change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through i order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won't work..."
p. 7 - "Rule number one: When you're in transition, you find yourself coming back in new ways to old activities."
p. 11 - "...rule number 2: Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one - not just outwardly, but inwardly..."
p. 15 - "Rule number three: Although it is advantageous to understand your own style of endings, some part of you will resist that understanding as though your life depended on it."
p. 17 - "...rule number four: First there is an ending, then a beginning, and an important empty or fallow time in between. That is the order of things in nature."
p. 24 - "My work with individuals in transition makes me believe that in a culture as diverse as ours no one model of adulthood fits everyone - or even anyone - exactly. Yet because you can catch glimpses of yourself in all of them, they are worth drawing upon in the task of charting the course of your own life." (It is important to emphasize that we are all different and move through these stages differently. And one way is not the "best" way for everyone.)
p. 25 - the riddle of the Sphinx - "What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening, yet has only one voice?" (Oedipus tells us, "The human being.")
p. 128 - "My point is simply that the inner ending is what initiates the transition. You see, change can lead to transition; but transition can also lead to change."
p. 159 - "The lesson in all such experiences is that when we are ready to make a new beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity."
However, the book seemed repetitive and dated. Though this 2004 "updated and expanded" 2nd edition (the original was first published in 1980) contains a useful model for the process of transitioning in life, the examples need updating for a 2018 audience. I also wondered if there are more contemporary works on the issue of transition that might contain current research and examples on the issue of transitioning. In addition, much of the book seemed repetitive - same stuff, different words, almost in an effort to fill pages (the book is still a slim 184 pages).
Overall, a good and useful read. I learned a lot about myself and where I am at at this time in my own life.
I found the material presented here useful and thought-provoking. Bridges takes us through his theoretical model of how we move through transition in our lives: "endings," "the neutral zone," and "new beginnings." And, as is the intent, inspired me to apply these concepts to transitions in my own life. Some things that I found particularly useful at this time in my life include:
p. xii - "...change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through i order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won't work..."
p. 7 - "Rule number one: When you're in transition, you find yourself coming back in new ways to old activities."
p. 11 - "...rule number 2: Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one - not just outwardly, but inwardly..."
p. 15 - "Rule number three: Although it is advantageous to understand your own style of endings, some part of you will resist that understanding as though your life depended on it."
p. 17 - "...rule number four: First there is an ending, then a beginning, and an important empty or fallow time in between. That is the order of things in nature."
p. 24 - "My work with individuals in transition makes me believe that in a culture as diverse as ours no one model of adulthood fits everyone - or even anyone - exactly. Yet because you can catch glimpses of yourself in all of them, they are worth drawing upon in the task of charting the course of your own life." (It is important to emphasize that we are all different and move through these stages differently. And one way is not the "best" way for everyone.)
p. 25 - the riddle of the Sphinx - "What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening, yet has only one voice?" (Oedipus tells us, "The human being.")
p. 128 - "My point is simply that the inner ending is what initiates the transition. You see, change can lead to transition; but transition can also lead to change."
p. 159 - "The lesson in all such experiences is that when we are ready to make a new beginning, we will shortly find an opportunity."
However, the book seemed repetitive and dated. Though this 2004 "updated and expanded" 2nd edition (the original was first published in 1980) contains a useful model for the process of transitioning in life, the examples need updating for a 2018 audience. I also wondered if there are more contemporary works on the issue of transition that might contain current research and examples on the issue of transitioning. In addition, much of the book seemed repetitive - same stuff, different words, almost in an effort to fill pages (the book is still a slim 184 pages).
Overall, a good and useful read. I learned a lot about myself and where I am at at this time in my own life.
October 23, 2007
Our area received this book from AVR. Every section I read has been helpful during my time of transition. He just names the feelings and experiences I've been having and makes me feel less crazy. I'd recommend it to anyone in the midst of transition.
I just finished the book yesterday. I'd say that there are some really good sections and some average parts. He is not writing a Christian book (I am not sure of his spiritual background), so keep that in mind. I do think it would be interesting to study people in transition in the Bible, like the Israelites as they leave Egypt.
I like that he includes literary allusions, like Odysseus and Psyche and Amor. He made me want to re-read the Odyssey!
I just finished the book yesterday. I'd say that there are some really good sections and some average parts. He is not writing a Christian book (I am not sure of his spiritual background), so keep that in mind. I do think it would be interesting to study people in transition in the Bible, like the Israelites as they leave Egypt.
I like that he includes literary allusions, like Odysseus and Psyche and Amor. He made me want to re-read the Odyssey!
June 12, 2011
Want to make sense of life's transitions? This is simply and outstanding book on navigating through life's transitions. Practical and enormously insightful (and even inspiring in places)m Bridges helps the reader to understand the difference between 'change' and 'transition', and ultimately, to appreciate that the ending of a chapter is the actual beginning of a new one.
His ability to confront the questions we all ask when we find ourselves in a transition is remarkable. Questions such as Why is letting go so difficult? and Why is this happening to me?
He speaks to the key transition stages of:
- Disengagement
- Dismantling
- Disidentification
- Disenchantment
- Disorientation
He argues that it is not just the pace of change that leaves us disoriented, but the fact that many (he says of Americans) have lost faith that the transitions they are going through are really getting them somewhere. This is just one of the problems he addresses in the light of many people finding endings difficult. Endings are the first phase of transition. The second phase is a time of lostness and emptiness, and the third phase is when life resumes an intelligible pattern and direction that puts our life on a new trajectory.
It is no wonder this book has had 41 printings!
#dmingml
His ability to confront the questions we all ask when we find ourselves in a transition is remarkable. Questions such as Why is letting go so difficult? and Why is this happening to me?
He speaks to the key transition stages of:
- Disengagement
- Dismantling
- Disidentification
- Disenchantment
- Disorientation
He argues that it is not just the pace of change that leaves us disoriented, but the fact that many (he says of Americans) have lost faith that the transitions they are going through are really getting them somewhere. This is just one of the problems he addresses in the light of many people finding endings difficult. Endings are the first phase of transition. The second phase is a time of lostness and emptiness, and the third phase is when life resumes an intelligible pattern and direction that puts our life on a new trajectory.
It is no wonder this book has had 41 printings!
#dmingml
September 2, 2020
There are useful nuggets in this, but this book seemed to be quite heavily targeted at those who are going through the retirement or unemployment process. A lot of the explanations hinge on analysis of Greek mythology - Odysseus, Oedipus, Psyche - which makes it feel a bit like a student’s essay rather than an authoritative text.
The most insightful section focused on the ‘neutral zone’ - the period between an end and adjusting to a new beginning - and the advice for coping with the neutral zone (if you’re lucky enough to have one; again, it seems to apply more to retirement or unemployment).
To give a flavour of the language of this book, before reaching the neutral zone, the following steps will take place: disengagement, dismantling, disidentification, disenchantment and disorientation. After which, there’s a new beginning.
I’d recommend reading the first chapter and the last chapter and skipping the middle.
The most insightful section focused on the ‘neutral zone’ - the period between an end and adjusting to a new beginning - and the advice for coping with the neutral zone (if you’re lucky enough to have one; again, it seems to apply more to retirement or unemployment).
To give a flavour of the language of this book, before reaching the neutral zone, the following steps will take place: disengagement, dismantling, disidentification, disenchantment and disorientation. After which, there’s a new beginning.
I’d recommend reading the first chapter and the last chapter and skipping the middle.
May 10, 2019
I believe this is considered a classic in its genre, and after reading it I can understand why. It provided me with some valuable insight and some reasonable ideas on how to use the new information: ideas that I could start to work with right away. The information felt timeless as well. I did feel the book could have been organized better. The major ideas were revisited several times in different places in the book, as if there was nothing more to say, so we'll just say the same thing a bit differently. Overall, a good use of my time.
June 5, 2019
My review may be biased, as I'm not a fan of self help books.
I found the book itself to be a bit bland and repetitive. The prologue and epilogue alone covers the bases of the content in between. I think I may read this again once I find myself in a more significant transition.
I found the book itself to be a bit bland and repetitive. The prologue and epilogue alone covers the bases of the content in between. I think I may read this again once I find myself in a more significant transition.
October 28, 2019
Lots of words, not much meat.
December 6, 2023
3.5
I picked this book up at my late grandmother's house last month.
Definitely interesting and I enjoyed all the references to myth and literature.
"Strategies for coping" idk about that lol, I would say essentially the strategy is: cope.
But I enjoyed that it wasn't completely a cut and dry self help book.
I read this because my cat is dying. I wouldn't say it really helped me with that at all but it did remind me that reading is the way back to myself.
I picked this book up at my late grandmother's house last month.
Definitely interesting and I enjoyed all the references to myth and literature.
"Strategies for coping" idk about that lol, I would say essentially the strategy is: cope.
But I enjoyed that it wasn't completely a cut and dry self help book.
I read this because my cat is dying. I wouldn't say it really helped me with that at all but it did remind me that reading is the way back to myself.
April 24, 2013
William Bridges is an internationally known speaker, author, and consultant who advises individuals and organizations in how to deal productively with change. His ten books include an expanded third edition of his best-seller, Managing Transitions (2009), and the updated second edition of Transitions (2004), which together have sold over one million copies.
He focuses on the Transition, or psychological reorientation, people must go through to come to terms with changes in their lives. His three-phase model of Endings, Neutral Zone and New Beginnings is widely known.
Educated originally in the humanities at Harvard, Columbia, and Brown Universities, he was (until his own career change in 1974) a professor of American Literature at Mills College, Oakland, CA. He is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology. The Wall Street Journal listed him as one of the top ten independent executive development
Transitions - Moving, Change of Environment, College, New Jobs, Relationships, Divorce, Marriage, Child, Death in the Family, Job Loss are all challenges in life. In this book, the author provides solutions to deal with such transitions.
According to the author, Transition by itself has three stages that overlap, come and go.
1. Endings: It is useful to identify what is ending in your life.
2. Neutral Zone: This can look and feel like Pointless, Aimless & Rudderless.
3. New Beginnings: The next phase.
The book is also divided into three sections.
The Need for Change
The Transition Process
And finally a very interesting Epilogue.
In the Epilogue, Bridges uses the story of Psyche and Amor, and the trials of Psyche in her task to be reunited with Amor, to illustrate the power of transitions.
Moment of Truth
I felt the book really dragged itself out quite a bit. But then to think about it, I do not know how else could the author have said it differently. Many times I felt he was just repeating himself over and over again. Surprisingly, I myself went into a depression after reading this book and took a few days to contemplate about my life. So I believe this book has substance and may relate to people at different points of their life.
Overall Rating
7 out of 10 for its wisdom.
4 out of 10 for boring me with its repetitive nature.
Loy Machedo
loymachedo.com | loymachedo.tv
He focuses on the Transition, or psychological reorientation, people must go through to come to terms with changes in their lives. His three-phase model of Endings, Neutral Zone and New Beginnings is widely known.
Educated originally in the humanities at Harvard, Columbia, and Brown Universities, he was (until his own career change in 1974) a professor of American Literature at Mills College, Oakland, CA. He is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology. The Wall Street Journal listed him as one of the top ten independent executive development
Transitions - Moving, Change of Environment, College, New Jobs, Relationships, Divorce, Marriage, Child, Death in the Family, Job Loss are all challenges in life. In this book, the author provides solutions to deal with such transitions.
According to the author, Transition by itself has three stages that overlap, come and go.
1. Endings: It is useful to identify what is ending in your life.
2. Neutral Zone: This can look and feel like Pointless, Aimless & Rudderless.
3. New Beginnings: The next phase.
The book is also divided into three sections.
The Need for Change
The Transition Process
And finally a very interesting Epilogue.
In the Epilogue, Bridges uses the story of Psyche and Amor, and the trials of Psyche in her task to be reunited with Amor, to illustrate the power of transitions.
Moment of Truth
I felt the book really dragged itself out quite a bit. But then to think about it, I do not know how else could the author have said it differently. Many times I felt he was just repeating himself over and over again. Surprisingly, I myself went into a depression after reading this book and took a few days to contemplate about my life. So I believe this book has substance and may relate to people at different points of their life.
Overall Rating
7 out of 10 for its wisdom.
4 out of 10 for boring me with its repetitive nature.
Loy Machedo
loymachedo.com | loymachedo.tv
August 13, 2014
Engaging wisdom for navigating the inevitable in life -- change. I read this book as background for writing The Small Guide to Life's Big Changes. My focus is the practices that healthy people to use in times of change, so I found William's work with individuals in transition very helpful. Happily, I own a copy and underlined with abandon.
No coincidence I'm sure, but as I read, I realized that I am processing my own transitions -- as a writer completing a project, as well as a human revisiting some unfinished business from previous transitions. The three phases Williams outlines 1) death 2) the neutral zone and 3) new beginning gave me a framework for what I face and insight into some of the feelings that well up as I do the work of the messy neutral zone.
Along with varied stories of people Williams worked with in his first Transition Seminar, references to mythic stories enlivened the text and made for an interesting as well as instructive read.
No coincidence I'm sure, but as I read, I realized that I am processing my own transitions -- as a writer completing a project, as well as a human revisiting some unfinished business from previous transitions. The three phases Williams outlines 1) death 2) the neutral zone and 3) new beginning gave me a framework for what I face and insight into some of the feelings that well up as I do the work of the messy neutral zone.
Along with varied stories of people Williams worked with in his first Transition Seminar, references to mythic stories enlivened the text and made for an interesting as well as instructive read.
February 18, 2009
I barely got into this book before I had to return it, but it wasn't the right book for me at this time. I know lots of people have found it very helpful - and that's great! - but it wasn't the one for me.
May 27, 2017
I wish I had read this book several years ago when I went through a major transition in my life.
October 14, 2018
Je n’ai pas beaucoup apprécié ce livre il répéte la même idée plusieurs ainsi qu’il s’agit du produit des expériences personnelles de l’auteur sans se référer à des recherches dans ce sens
January 1, 2021
It took me over a year to finish this book. There were some excellent nuggets in there, but I found it quite wordy and hard to follow.
May 8, 2022
Recommended to me by my pastor, but it is mainstream (not Christian focused) advise on navigating transitions in life. The author breaks transitions down into three stages: ending, neutral zone, new beginning. It was interesting to read as I thought about transitional stages I've been through in my own life and it gave me some tools to navigate future transitions that will surely occur. And just because the author broke the stages into three sections does not mean there is an easy, linear path to navigating these stages. I appreciated the various examples and viewpoints he gave to help me remember life doesn't hand us clear cut answers or directions - it takes time, it's messy, and it can be exhausting. This is a book I think I will return to again for future reference. It's worth the read!
May 28, 2022
Some good nuggets, especially in the latter half of the book, but gosh this book is annoyingly circular
August 6, 2025
I started reading this book on the advice of a career coach, and it’s proven to be exactly what I needed. I wish I had come across it years ago, and I know I will come back to it in the years to come as I inevitably undergo other life transitions.
May 20, 2023
One of my top books in 2023!
May 28, 2025
First time I read this book, I read a practical guide to growing through change. A sort of hero's journey where you let the old you die and the new you emerge to a catchy tune and celebration. A familiar pattern that fits neatly into the story I tell myself about my life. I have fifteen transitions that are neatly mapped out and catalogued. Proof that I can emerge from any situation wiser and stronger than I went in. Proof for myself.
Only after re-reading it did I come to understand that's not what the book is about at all. The hero's journey is my thing... defense mechanisms probably, so deeply ingrained that I simply pasted them over the subtle points that Bridges was making. Bridges isn't selling a technique. It's not a productivity hack. There aren't four steps you can take over three weeks that get you to the other side of this. Bridges is much more radical than that.
The central metaphor of Bridge's book is that a transition consists of three parts: an ending, a middle, and a new beginning. He argues that a transition truly begins when you let go of the old you. And that the work of it happens before you have grasped hold of a new you. And the middle part is where everything happens. When your feet loose touch with the ground. He describes a disorienting, potentially scary, aimless state. Letting go as an act of surrender - accepting a void of definition and to stay there long enough to come to terms with the loss of the old self. It is traversed slowly, even painfully.
Let me start by telling a story about a time I did not let a transition happen.
Homelessness. I was in my teens. Life had been complicated for a while. We'd moved constantly. We'd lived in places that I wouldn't exactly call a home. But they had roofs. Running water. Each was more spartan than the last, but they all involved the basic structures of modern life. Then we got to one that didn't have those structures. The first day I was truly homeless, I went into a field until I couldn't see anything as far as I looked. And I cried for hours. But then the next day I came back as the exact same person I was before. Someone who was competent, disciplined, and headed for college where he would escape all of this. The version of myself that lost his home was deeply traumatized. But he did not lose himself. Rather he doubled down - hard. And that version of me did not die until I was several years into college (see story two below).
There are only three times in my life I've actually had myself a Bridges transition.
1. When we left our first house. I was six. The divorce was real, my father was gone, we'd lost the house and we were going somewhere new. The version of me that had only ever lived in one place and had a father died that day. We sat in an empty living room eating Taco Bell. I understood I would be going somewhere different, but I couldn't imagine where or what that would be like. My mom had cried during the divorce, but on that night I realized she was crying out of helplessness, not pain. That there was no one coming to save us. That in the most important sense, there was no we. I was alone. There was a version of me that trusted that his world was safe and the people he cared about loved him and wanted the best for him. And on that evening, he died and I entered a strange place where I waited for a new version of myself to emerge. That version was guarded, felt out of place... knew he did not belong, could not expect the best from others, and felt the rug was always about to be pulled out from under him. That person survived well into my thirties. And a shadow of him remains with me today.
2. The moment suicide became real. When I was admitted to Harvard's psychiatric ward under a suicide protocol.
The week I spent in a psych ward remains one of the most disconnected of my life. Who was that guy? He struggled with demons in that hospital. He also entered some other world that this me has never been to. He didn't think of anything practical. He didn't wonder when he was getting out. Or speculate on what was happening back at school. Those worlds did not exist to him. He was somewhere else. And I suppose that gave my subconscious the time and space it required to construct a new version of myself from the pieces of the old one - ensuring at the least that the new one would not have the same weakness.
In that moment, I let go of the version of me that had to be the best at something. I accepted, subconsciously, that being second best did not risk homelessness or some terrible ending. It was actually just fine. And the version of me that came back to college as a senior and entered the workforce was dogged, focused, and ultimately comfortable with himself in a way the previous me had not been. He could mess something up, fix it, and remain poised and confident. He did not equate failure with a lethal threat. And that made him ready to enter the workplace with grace.
3. Psychic collapse. I had a mental breakdown in my mid 30s. I took a month off work. I read, walked, parented. But whatever part of my brain had been in control up to that point simply stopped working. And I didn't fight that. The version of me that came back to work a month later saw with different eyes. He played the game of work for fun. And won more often, probably because that wasn't the point anymore. Everything felt arms length. My point of view elevated beyond my ego - drawn by the gravity of weightier matters: parenting, humility, a form of evil that I'd had the good fortune to witness up close, and the vivid reminder of pains from the past.
What preceded the mental breakdown? Two experiences shocked my nervous system.
(a) My mother and I spoke about my grandfather's sexual abuse. Ultimately it was her story that made it real. When she told me he had abused her, then I realized my experience was real. That it had actually happened. There is a sense in which we go through life editing out the evil we cannot perceive. As if our eyes can only process certain colors that our soul is ready for. And when your soul breaks and reforms, you widen your perspective on what exists in the world. One reason that it is so painful to abuse a child is that their soul is so soft. So new. It must wait an impossible time before it can receive and process the reality of what it has experienced. In this moment, at thirty five, I made sense of the experiences I had from six to twelve. And my view on the world shifted. I could see people as they were and not hold it against them. It replaced fear with savvy.
(b) I began to recognize the impact of trauma on my psychology and I began to fear for the impact that might have on my children. On the whole, I felt I was a decent father. But in moments, I was unfamiliar to myself. And my oldest was beginning to get old enough to notice. And I knew I had to do something. I sought therapy, which became the starting point for a series of startling and disorienting revalations that ended with looking my past full on. And that triggered a breakdown which set me free.
To this point, I am not sure I have ever purposefully transitioned. It’s still not clear to me one can. My transitions came not when the subject was ready but when the world demanded them. But right now I am walking toward a transition - or at least something that feels like it will be one: I'll leave my job and career in 18 months.
So what am I doing right now?
I am preparing for a transition. Bridges does not cover this in his book. I have not left my old identity: I work, I parent, I pursue my hobbies. I trialed life without work in my third paternity leave. But I understood I would return to work. There was no existential bewilderment. There was merely free time that I could deploy toward productive activities.
So how am I preparing myself to transition? Simply by living this portion of my life to its greatest extent while I still have it.
• I am slowing down.
• I approach my old environments with wonder and appreciation, not mundanity.
• I take up my old tasks with curiosity and experimentation, not utilitarian speed and determination.
• I play with my life, knowing this me will not exist much longer and I need to see what he can do.
The moment before a transition is a moment to deepen presence, like one crouches before one leaps.
• It is a moment to make peace with the troubles and shortcomings.
• It is a moment to acknowledge small endings - moments when you can feel the curtain drawing closed.
• It is not a moment to plan the next version of one's self but rather to acknowledge that I simply do not know what will emerge from a process that has not yet begun.
• It is a moment to deepen my understanding of the spiritual, emotional, and psychological realms: as much through learning as through experimentation.
To live like I was dying, so to speak. And through doing so to prepare the ground for the leap and for the return. To prepare the part of me that must leave the ground and find its way back.
What part of me do I need to let go of? Oh, I suspect it is the last vestiges of the version of me that associates competence with self worth. The version of me that is waiting for the point. That makes space for love after he has ensured the ship is sailing in the right direction. Or perhaps something else. I just do not know yet. Or perhaps this will not be a transition at all.
Perhaps that is not something I am meant to know. Perhaps it's not something I can know. Perhaps all of this preparing is fruitless. Perhaps the next transition will yield no insight. Perhaps it will just be a trip to the abyss that allows me to say goodbye to this part of my life. Perhaps the next transition will not come when I leave work, but when the next flood arrives.
Perhaps this retirement reflects the version of me that returned from a mental breakdown fully stepping into himself rather than a truly new ending. A sort of recognition that while this me can still thrive in the office, he is not made for there. That the soul's work lies elsewhere.
Perhaps the highest spiritual act is not to be up to the task but to let one's self be broken, scattered unprepared. Perhaps the blessing is not to return wiser, but to let myself be lost at sea. This is a point Bridges does not contemplate. He maintains a sort of teleology of lostness. But how can we know?
Whatever comes next, this book was a blessing. I am deeply grateful to its author.
May my spirit be up to the task that he so beautifully advocates.
Only after re-reading it did I come to understand that's not what the book is about at all. The hero's journey is my thing... defense mechanisms probably, so deeply ingrained that I simply pasted them over the subtle points that Bridges was making. Bridges isn't selling a technique. It's not a productivity hack. There aren't four steps you can take over three weeks that get you to the other side of this. Bridges is much more radical than that.
The central metaphor of Bridge's book is that a transition consists of three parts: an ending, a middle, and a new beginning. He argues that a transition truly begins when you let go of the old you. And that the work of it happens before you have grasped hold of a new you. And the middle part is where everything happens. When your feet loose touch with the ground. He describes a disorienting, potentially scary, aimless state. Letting go as an act of surrender - accepting a void of definition and to stay there long enough to come to terms with the loss of the old self. It is traversed slowly, even painfully.
Let me start by telling a story about a time I did not let a transition happen.
Homelessness. I was in my teens. Life had been complicated for a while. We'd moved constantly. We'd lived in places that I wouldn't exactly call a home. But they had roofs. Running water. Each was more spartan than the last, but they all involved the basic structures of modern life. Then we got to one that didn't have those structures. The first day I was truly homeless, I went into a field until I couldn't see anything as far as I looked. And I cried for hours. But then the next day I came back as the exact same person I was before. Someone who was competent, disciplined, and headed for college where he would escape all of this. The version of myself that lost his home was deeply traumatized. But he did not lose himself. Rather he doubled down - hard. And that version of me did not die until I was several years into college (see story two below).
There are only three times in my life I've actually had myself a Bridges transition.
1. When we left our first house. I was six. The divorce was real, my father was gone, we'd lost the house and we were going somewhere new. The version of me that had only ever lived in one place and had a father died that day. We sat in an empty living room eating Taco Bell. I understood I would be going somewhere different, but I couldn't imagine where or what that would be like. My mom had cried during the divorce, but on that night I realized she was crying out of helplessness, not pain. That there was no one coming to save us. That in the most important sense, there was no we. I was alone. There was a version of me that trusted that his world was safe and the people he cared about loved him and wanted the best for him. And on that evening, he died and I entered a strange place where I waited for a new version of myself to emerge. That version was guarded, felt out of place... knew he did not belong, could not expect the best from others, and felt the rug was always about to be pulled out from under him. That person survived well into my thirties. And a shadow of him remains with me today.
2. The moment suicide became real. When I was admitted to Harvard's psychiatric ward under a suicide protocol.
The week I spent in a psych ward remains one of the most disconnected of my life. Who was that guy? He struggled with demons in that hospital. He also entered some other world that this me has never been to. He didn't think of anything practical. He didn't wonder when he was getting out. Or speculate on what was happening back at school. Those worlds did not exist to him. He was somewhere else. And I suppose that gave my subconscious the time and space it required to construct a new version of myself from the pieces of the old one - ensuring at the least that the new one would not have the same weakness.
In that moment, I let go of the version of me that had to be the best at something. I accepted, subconsciously, that being second best did not risk homelessness or some terrible ending. It was actually just fine. And the version of me that came back to college as a senior and entered the workforce was dogged, focused, and ultimately comfortable with himself in a way the previous me had not been. He could mess something up, fix it, and remain poised and confident. He did not equate failure with a lethal threat. And that made him ready to enter the workplace with grace.
3. Psychic collapse. I had a mental breakdown in my mid 30s. I took a month off work. I read, walked, parented. But whatever part of my brain had been in control up to that point simply stopped working. And I didn't fight that. The version of me that came back to work a month later saw with different eyes. He played the game of work for fun. And won more often, probably because that wasn't the point anymore. Everything felt arms length. My point of view elevated beyond my ego - drawn by the gravity of weightier matters: parenting, humility, a form of evil that I'd had the good fortune to witness up close, and the vivid reminder of pains from the past.
What preceded the mental breakdown? Two experiences shocked my nervous system.
(a) My mother and I spoke about my grandfather's sexual abuse. Ultimately it was her story that made it real. When she told me he had abused her, then I realized my experience was real. That it had actually happened. There is a sense in which we go through life editing out the evil we cannot perceive. As if our eyes can only process certain colors that our soul is ready for. And when your soul breaks and reforms, you widen your perspective on what exists in the world. One reason that it is so painful to abuse a child is that their soul is so soft. So new. It must wait an impossible time before it can receive and process the reality of what it has experienced. In this moment, at thirty five, I made sense of the experiences I had from six to twelve. And my view on the world shifted. I could see people as they were and not hold it against them. It replaced fear with savvy.
(b) I began to recognize the impact of trauma on my psychology and I began to fear for the impact that might have on my children. On the whole, I felt I was a decent father. But in moments, I was unfamiliar to myself. And my oldest was beginning to get old enough to notice. And I knew I had to do something. I sought therapy, which became the starting point for a series of startling and disorienting revalations that ended with looking my past full on. And that triggered a breakdown which set me free.
To this point, I am not sure I have ever purposefully transitioned. It’s still not clear to me one can. My transitions came not when the subject was ready but when the world demanded them. But right now I am walking toward a transition - or at least something that feels like it will be one: I'll leave my job and career in 18 months.
So what am I doing right now?
I am preparing for a transition. Bridges does not cover this in his book. I have not left my old identity: I work, I parent, I pursue my hobbies. I trialed life without work in my third paternity leave. But I understood I would return to work. There was no existential bewilderment. There was merely free time that I could deploy toward productive activities.
So how am I preparing myself to transition? Simply by living this portion of my life to its greatest extent while I still have it.
• I am slowing down.
• I approach my old environments with wonder and appreciation, not mundanity.
• I take up my old tasks with curiosity and experimentation, not utilitarian speed and determination.
• I play with my life, knowing this me will not exist much longer and I need to see what he can do.
The moment before a transition is a moment to deepen presence, like one crouches before one leaps.
• It is a moment to make peace with the troubles and shortcomings.
• It is a moment to acknowledge small endings - moments when you can feel the curtain drawing closed.
• It is not a moment to plan the next version of one's self but rather to acknowledge that I simply do not know what will emerge from a process that has not yet begun.
• It is a moment to deepen my understanding of the spiritual, emotional, and psychological realms: as much through learning as through experimentation.
To live like I was dying, so to speak. And through doing so to prepare the ground for the leap and for the return. To prepare the part of me that must leave the ground and find its way back.
What part of me do I need to let go of? Oh, I suspect it is the last vestiges of the version of me that associates competence with self worth. The version of me that is waiting for the point. That makes space for love after he has ensured the ship is sailing in the right direction. Or perhaps something else. I just do not know yet. Or perhaps this will not be a transition at all.
Perhaps that is not something I am meant to know. Perhaps it's not something I can know. Perhaps all of this preparing is fruitless. Perhaps the next transition will yield no insight. Perhaps it will just be a trip to the abyss that allows me to say goodbye to this part of my life. Perhaps the next transition will not come when I leave work, but when the next flood arrives.
Perhaps this retirement reflects the version of me that returned from a mental breakdown fully stepping into himself rather than a truly new ending. A sort of recognition that while this me can still thrive in the office, he is not made for there. That the soul's work lies elsewhere.
Perhaps the highest spiritual act is not to be up to the task but to let one's self be broken, scattered unprepared. Perhaps the blessing is not to return wiser, but to let myself be lost at sea. This is a point Bridges does not contemplate. He maintains a sort of teleology of lostness. But how can we know?
Whatever comes next, this book was a blessing. I am deeply grateful to its author.
May my spirit be up to the task that he so beautifully advocates.
November 11, 2017
For a Januarymester Brite Divinity Course for those of us graduating soon --- From the Publisher: Whether it is chosen or thrust upon you, change brings both opportunities and turmoil. Since first published 25 years ago, Transitions has helped hundreds of thousands of readers cope with these issues by providing an elegantly simple yet profoundly insightful roadmap of the transition process. With the understanding born of both personal and professional experience, William Bridges takes readers step by step through the three stages of any transition: The Ending, The Neutral Zone, and, in time, The New Beginning. Bridges explains how each stage can be understood and embraced, leading to meaningful and productive movement into a hopeful future. With a new introduction highlighting how the advice in the book continues to apply and is perhaps even more relevant today, and a new chapter devoted to change in the workplace, Transitions will remain the essential guide for coping with the one constant in life: change.
December 8, 2019
I always meant to read this book, but never did until a friend gave it to Tom. So I nabbed it and turns out that I found it helpful. Not sure I would have liked the original edition, based on what the author says about it, but this edition was certainly worth a read. Of course, what makes it wise is that it draws on a lot of different stories and examples to remind us that we must sort it all out for ourselves. But it does offer some helpful insights about how that can work, and the always-helpful reminder to be patient with ourselves (Americans in particular need that reminder, I feel). I would recommend it to those in transition, and perhaps also those who are feeling stuck and in need of a change.
P.S. Just re-read this book, having completely forgotten that I read it in 2019. Since I'm in the transition big-time right now (lost my job in March, still unemployed as I write this), I suspect it spoke to me even more powerfully than it would have in 2019. Highly recommended for those in the midst of major change. Worth a read if you are close to anyone undergoing big change.
P.S. Just re-read this book, having completely forgotten that I read it in 2019. Since I'm in the transition big-time right now (lost my job in March, still unemployed as I write this), I suspect it spoke to me even more powerfully than it would have in 2019. Highly recommended for those in the midst of major change. Worth a read if you are close to anyone undergoing big change.
April 5, 2019
This 2 star rating is very personal. I can tell this book has value and helpful information but I couldn't connect with it. Maybe listening to it in audiobook format isn't the right route. I should prob have a real copy and be highlighting and making notes and lists.
But I didn't do that. So I was left hearing things but not really connecting to any insight or advice. I literally cannot tell you one thing I took away from this that would help with transitions, change or anxiety. It's like I heard nothing, retained and learned nothing. I feel less for this book. Actually it stressed me out and increased my anxiety at times .... kind of made my anxiety and depression more acute depending on the chapter. Hey maybe that means I was being self reflective, but I just felt anxious and sorry for myself.
I hope it's helpful to others, it wasn't for me.
But I didn't do that. So I was left hearing things but not really connecting to any insight or advice. I literally cannot tell you one thing I took away from this that would help with transitions, change or anxiety. It's like I heard nothing, retained and learned nothing. I feel less for this book. Actually it stressed me out and increased my anxiety at times .... kind of made my anxiety and depression more acute depending on the chapter. Hey maybe that means I was being self reflective, but I just felt anxious and sorry for myself.
I hope it's helpful to others, it wasn't for me.
August 17, 2016
This book helped me name a lot of discomfort in my current situation (repatriating after four years overseas, changing jobs--maybe even careers, living with family instead of on my own, etc.).
I appreciate the understanding I gained about the messiness of transition. The clarification of what is external change in our lives and what is internal transition was helpful. The author presented several prompts and suggestions of how to process and navigate the stages of transition.
I'd recommend this to anyone who is experiencing or about to experience a shift in her life.
This is a book I will reread in the future.
I appreciate the understanding I gained about the messiness of transition. The clarification of what is external change in our lives and what is internal transition was helpful. The author presented several prompts and suggestions of how to process and navigate the stages of transition.
I'd recommend this to anyone who is experiencing or about to experience a shift in her life.
This is a book I will reread in the future.
February 24, 2019
When going thru dramatic life changes, I often heard well-meaning friends said "when a door is closed, God open another..." or some variation of it which did not thing to easy the stress of going through it. This book was recommended to me by a friend, and it was very helpful to understand what I was dealing with and how I could cope with changes and managed the transition times, within my own power and stayed afloat, until I could find my own way thru and out of the situation.
July 13, 2019
Couldnt get into it! I tried reading the first 100 pages but couldnt get into it!!
February 27, 2021
3.5 stars.
I can certainly see why this book has been so helpful to some. Bridges presents a very helpful paradigm for life change. He asserts that transition is something more than change and that it is best expressed in three steps Ending, Neutral Zone, and New Beginning. He commends that by correctly processing and journeying through each stage we can be in a significantly better position to embrace whats next.
The book contains several helpful examples of people going through life changes. Both real and fictional examples serve well to allow the reader to recognize transitions, barriers, sabotage, etc all from the helpful distance of someone else's problems.
However, I would be very hesitant to call this a classic as the book plods along (and its not all that long.) The burdensome pace of the book is exacerbated by obscure references and unhelpful repetition. Perhaps someone in the midst of a very difficult transition would not find the book repetitive, but I sure did.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is walking down the confusing road of transition. This book may serve as a guide to help categorize some of the pain and uncertainty. But overall it was not unique or useful enough to be something I widely recommend.
I can certainly see why this book has been so helpful to some. Bridges presents a very helpful paradigm for life change. He asserts that transition is something more than change and that it is best expressed in three steps Ending, Neutral Zone, and New Beginning. He commends that by correctly processing and journeying through each stage we can be in a significantly better position to embrace whats next.
The book contains several helpful examples of people going through life changes. Both real and fictional examples serve well to allow the reader to recognize transitions, barriers, sabotage, etc all from the helpful distance of someone else's problems.
However, I would be very hesitant to call this a classic as the book plods along (and its not all that long.) The burdensome pace of the book is exacerbated by obscure references and unhelpful repetition. Perhaps someone in the midst of a very difficult transition would not find the book repetitive, but I sure did.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is walking down the confusing road of transition. This book may serve as a guide to help categorize some of the pain and uncertainty. But overall it was not unique or useful enough to be something I widely recommend.
August 17, 2021
Suggested by a friend as we were both moving out of our long-term jobs and into a new chapter of life. Not often I give 5-stars to a book, and this one was nearly a 4-star, but I think it was the "right book at the right time", and really gave me a lot to think about when it was helpful to do so (ie, for me, in my 40s).
There is a lot in here, but key messages for me resonated with the idea that "life is change", and that a mid-life crisis is only a crisis if you panic, and is otherwise one of many changes we go through. It reminded me of the importance of ritual and celebration as markers of endings and beginnings in life, and has given me a lot of confidence to not worry too much about "being" something old, or new, and that we can drop old things, be uncertain about things, and spend time discovering something new, even at a grand level.
There is a lot in here, but key messages for me resonated with the idea that "life is change", and that a mid-life crisis is only a crisis if you panic, and is otherwise one of many changes we go through. It reminded me of the importance of ritual and celebration as markers of endings and beginnings in life, and has given me a lot of confidence to not worry too much about "being" something old, or new, and that we can drop old things, be uncertain about things, and spend time discovering something new, even at a grand level.
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