Evelyn Waugh was a young man, only twenty four and still apparently undecided on the direction his life should take, when his first book was published – a biographical study of the painter Dante Gabriel Rossetti. Five months later came his first novel, the exquisite Decline and Fall. Both books were well received, Decline and Fall especially so. In the same year, 1928, Waugh married his first wife, also named Evelyn (thereafter known in the Waugh circle as ‘She-Evelyn’). The public recognition he enjoyed as a result of his two successful books enabled him to persuade the owners of one of the most luxurious cruise ships then afloat, the Stella Polaris, to provide him and She-Evelyn with a cabin on a journey around the Mediterranean, in return for favourable publicity. Labels: A Mediterranean Journal was the result.
Although it is today not widely read, Labels is well worth seeking out. It seems (at least to this reader) remarkable that one so relatively young could possess the self-assurance, supported by such a very wide base of knowledge, to behave in the way he describes, to analyse and to contextualise the societies, places and people he encounters in such diverse environments as the nightclubs of Paris, the bars and brothels of Port Said, and the strait-laced colonial clubhouses of the Anglo-Egyptian ruling class. While Labels does not have the wild comedy of Decline and Fall, it is neverthelss extremely funny, although occasionally in a somewhat self-conscious way. I do not know how many of his observations have found their way into Dictionaries of Quotations, but there seems to me to be a candidate for inclusion on virtually every page. To cite some of those which particularly appealed to me is as good a way as any of giving a flavour of the book:
*There was one sight, however, which was unforgettable – Paris lying in a pool of stagnant smoke, looking, except for the Eiffel Tower, very much like High Wycombe.
*As a race the French tend to have strong heads, weak stomachs, and a rooted abhorrence of hospitality.
*Every Englishman abroad, until it is proved to the contrary, likes to consider himself a traveller and not a tourist.
*None of the servants spoke a word of any European language, but this was a negligible defect since they never answered the bell.
*On the decks there were no deckchairs except those the passengers provided for themselves; the three or four public seats were invariably occupied by mothers doing frightful things to their babies with jars of vaseline.
*[on the colour of the stone with which the Acropolis is constructed]: The nearest parallel to it in Nature that I can think of is that of the milder parts of a Stilton cheese into which port has been poured.
*The entertainment was confined to one pianist in Georgian peasant dress. We asked if there was to be no cabaret. ‘Alas,’ said the Manageress, ‘not tonight. Last night there was a German gentleman here, and he bit the girls so terribly in the legs that tonight they say they will not dance.
*The chief disability suffered by tortoises as racing animals is not their slowness so much as their confused sense of direction. I had exactly the same difficulty when I used to take part in sports at my school.
*I do not think I shall ever forget the sight of Etna at sunset; the mountain almost invisible in a blur of pastel grey, glowing on the top and then repeating its shape, as though reflected, in a wisp of grey smoke, with the whole horizon behind radiant with pink light, fading gently into a grey pastel sky. Nothing I have ever seen in Art or Nature was quite so revolting.
*There is very little to see or do in Malaga, though it is an agreeable, compact little town, smelling strongly of burnt olive oil and excrement.
*I will not say that I did not know any town could be so ugly as the town of Gibraltar; to say that would be to deny many bitter visits in the past to Colwyn Bay, Manchester, and Stratford on Avon.
Waugh sets out from the beginning of Labels to assure the reader of his honesty and plain-speaking; he cheerfully suggests that ‘there are only two respectable reasons for reading a book written by someone else; one is that you are being paid to review it, and the other that you are continually meeting the author and it seems rude not to know about him.’ Later, writing enviously of those wealthy enough to buy themselves homes on Corfu, he adds: ‘Do let me urge you, gentle reader, if you have only borrowed this book from a library, to buy two or three copies instantly so that I can leave London and go and live peacefully on this island.’
As is often the case with Waugh, the whimsy is frequently accompanied by darker or bleaker sentiments. Sailing through the Dardanelles towards the Black Sea, a fellow-passenger asked him if he could perhaps envisage Masefield’s quinqueremes from distant Ophir, with their cargoes of ivory, sandalwood, cedarwood and sweet white wine. ‘I could not, but with a little more imagination I think I might easily have seen troopships, full of young Australians, going to their death with bare knees.’
Labels is a fine book, full of fine writing. I liked very much the lengthy portrait of Port Said; and will read again and again the account of a journey to the interior of Montenegro, and the description of Cetinje, the capital ‘city’ of its mountainous region, with its royal palace about the size of the rectory in an English village. ‘Its largest room is occupied by a billiard table, which so far eclipsed the other concomitants of royalty in the eyes of the neighbouring highlanders that the palace became known, not as the house of the king, but as Billjarda, the house of the billiard table.’ The party of tourists from the splendid motor yacht Stella Polaris received a suitably extravagant welcome from the Montenegrins. The city’s only hotel had been destroyed by fire some time previously, so the official luncheon was served on trestle tables in the House of Parliament. ‘It is only fair to say that this was no very serious degradation to the building, since even in the days of the kingdom it had combined a double office, being the legislature by day and the theatre by night. Luncheon was very bad indeed, even though it was cooked in the office of the commissar of police; the wine was a dark-coloured local vintage, not red but not exactly black, the colour one’s fountain pen makes when one dips it accidentally into the red inkpot; it was very sour and left a temporarily indelible stain on the tongue and teeth.’
Waugh’s first biographer, his old friend Christopher Sykes, believes that there was still some uncertainty in Waugh’s mind at this point as to what he would make of his life; he gives as corroboration a remark in Labels concerning an encounter in a Paris nightclub, where Evelyn is mistaken for his elder brother, Alec, who was at that time a far more widely-known author. Evelyn writes that he ‘still regarded myself less as a writer than an out-of-work private schoolmaster.’ This may be true, but it is equally true that, like all writers, Waugh was squirrelling away experiences for future exploitation in print. For instance, he notes in an aside in Labels that Montmartre contains many ‘destitute Russians and Viennese, who are paid to sit there [in nightclubs] and look gay’. Two years later appeared his short story on the imagined origins of one of these Russian emigres, ‘The Manager of the Kremlin.’