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Radical Friendship: Seven Ways to Love Yourself and Find Your People in an Unjust World
A case for friendship as a radical practice of love, courage, and trust, and seven strategies that pave the way for profound social change.
Grounded in the Buddha’s teachings on spiritual friendship, Radical Friendship shares seven strategies to help us embody our deepest values in all of our relationships. Drawing on her experiences as a leading meditation teacher, as well as personal stories of growing up multiracial in a racist world, Kate Johnson brings a fresh take on time-honored wisdom to help us connect more authentically with ourselves, with our friends and family, and within our communities.
The divides we experience within us and between us are not only a threat to our physical and emotional health—they are also the weapons and the outcomes of structural oppression. But through wise relationships, it is possible to transform the barriers created by societal injustice. Johnson leads us on a journey to becoming better friends by offering ways to show up for our own and each other’s liberation at every stage of a relationship. Each chapter ends with a meditation or reflection practice to help readers cultivate vibrant, harmonious, revolutionary friendships. Radical Friendship offers a path of depth and hope and shows us the importance of working toward collective wellbeing, one relationship at a time.
Grounded in the Buddha’s teachings on spiritual friendship, Radical Friendship shares seven strategies to help us embody our deepest values in all of our relationships. Drawing on her experiences as a leading meditation teacher, as well as personal stories of growing up multiracial in a racist world, Kate Johnson brings a fresh take on time-honored wisdom to help us connect more authentically with ourselves, with our friends and family, and within our communities.
The divides we experience within us and between us are not only a threat to our physical and emotional health—they are also the weapons and the outcomes of structural oppression. But through wise relationships, it is possible to transform the barriers created by societal injustice. Johnson leads us on a journey to becoming better friends by offering ways to show up for our own and each other’s liberation at every stage of a relationship. Each chapter ends with a meditation or reflection practice to help readers cultivate vibrant, harmonious, revolutionary friendships. Radical Friendship offers a path of depth and hope and shows us the importance of working toward collective wellbeing, one relationship at a time.
232 pages, Paperback
First published August 24, 2021
160 people are currently reading
5131 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
September 13, 2021
I just finished this book (I switched back and forth between the Audible and the Kindle versions) and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in what it means to cultivate and maintain relationships and take care of ourselves in the process. I'm not super familiar with Buddhism and I found this book to be very accessible. That said, I can imagine that people who practice Buddhism will have a special appreciation for the Buddhist principles and practices the author includes. Also, I've made a few impatient attempts at meditation over the years, and I really appreciate the meditative practices outlined in the book, and especially appreciate the gentle and inclusive language with which they are offered.
September 8, 2021
This book was the right read at the right time for me. Lots of underlining and going back to reflect. I'll be revisiting/rereading this for some time to come - especially poignant; what to do when you feel powerless. Grateful for the wisdom & insight Kate Johnson shares.
April 12, 2023
So many take aways from this and really inspiring me to mediate more regularly. Friendships rock and need to be nurtured ❤️
June 21, 2022
"To become a friend is to commit to a path of practice."
If you've known me for the past year, you'd know that one thing I've committed to is creating meaningful friendships. It's meant I've met many new people and alloted time to securing and reinforcing my existing friendships. It's meant losing friendships where we don't uphold and support one another. It's meant taking myself out of my comfort zone, becoming the friend I would want to have. It's brought a wonderful circle of support into my life that I can only hope my friends find the same from me. Which is why this book became a priority read for me.
Kate Johnson frames friendship as a spiritual practice in alignment to her Buddhist studies. While I was surprised to find this was the case, it helped reframe and strengthen the way I look at my friendships. Many of the suggestions in this book are many things I have already found myself practicing. Others, I had not began but am excited to work on. I'll list a few of the things that I got out of this book or think others should also take. Def recommend reading the book if any of these practices call out to you.
If you've known me for the past year, you'd know that one thing I've committed to is creating meaningful friendships. It's meant I've met many new people and alloted time to securing and reinforcing my existing friendships. It's meant losing friendships where we don't uphold and support one another. It's meant taking myself out of my comfort zone, becoming the friend I would want to have. It's brought a wonderful circle of support into my life that I can only hope my friends find the same from me. Which is why this book became a priority read for me.
"Friendship is something we practice not because we should but because we want to. Because it restores our access to our full humanity. Because it makes life beautiful and meaningful and divine."
Kate Johnson frames friendship as a spiritual practice in alignment to her Buddhist studies. While I was surprised to find this was the case, it helped reframe and strengthen the way I look at my friendships. Many of the suggestions in this book are many things I have already found myself practicing. Others, I had not began but am excited to work on. I'll list a few of the things that I got out of this book or think others should also take. Def recommend reading the book if any of these practices call out to you.
"To become a friend is to commit to a path of practice."We must actively work toward friendship, it will not come and/or last without effort.
"...we must make our minds environments where it is safe to fail."Friendships should be safe spaces, but we must also enter with an open mind that not every friendship will be the right one.
"When we make friends with ourselve... we become the kind of people others want to be around too."Self-love is so important. The energy we bring around others will be felt by others. We don't need to change who we are to fit in but we need to have compassion and acceptance for ourselves for others to care for us in return.
"...but friends can also break your heart."Not meant to discourage but to remind ourselves that friendships like life will not always be sunshine and rainbows. There is peace and value in having those hard conversations and moments.
"And, if we never reveal what we believe, what we care about, and who we truly are, then we deprive the world of our unique loveliness and we deprive ourselves of seeing that loveliness reflected back to us in the eyes of our friends."To be a friend is to be known. To be a friend is to learn others.
October 23, 2021
This book wasn't quite what I was expecting and I feel like I was so not the target audience.
I found the name misleading, at least the second part of it. Really not about "finding your people in an unjust world". Though the author does discuss racism quite a bit and her experiences of it as a multiracial woman in an unjust world. It seemed at times to be more of an autobiography than a how to book.
I felt it was geared towards practicing Buddhists who are part of a community. I have some familiarity with Buddhism and would like to study it more but felt like that should have been explicit in the title.
I was hoping for wisdom about "finding ones tribe" and found that lacking. It was assumed at times that the reader has a community of friends that want to deepen their friendships.
I did appreciate her discussions of racism, marginalization in society and issues in spiritual communities. As a self diagnosed autistic woman with social anxiety and not good at "masking" I have often felt marginalized and have been bullied throughout my life. Though as a white woman I will never know racism.
Lastly need to mention an error in the book. The author is affiliated with Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Marin County, CA though she does not live in CA.
It is mentioned in the book that Spirit Rock is in Woodacre on unceded Ohlone land which is incorrect. It is Woodacre but on unceded Coast Miwok land. I grew up on unceded Ohlone land in the eastern part of the SF bay area, and now live on unceded Coast Miwok land.
I found the name misleading, at least the second part of it. Really not about "finding your people in an unjust world". Though the author does discuss racism quite a bit and her experiences of it as a multiracial woman in an unjust world. It seemed at times to be more of an autobiography than a how to book.
I felt it was geared towards practicing Buddhists who are part of a community. I have some familiarity with Buddhism and would like to study it more but felt like that should have been explicit in the title.
I was hoping for wisdom about "finding ones tribe" and found that lacking. It was assumed at times that the reader has a community of friends that want to deepen their friendships.
I did appreciate her discussions of racism, marginalization in society and issues in spiritual communities. As a self diagnosed autistic woman with social anxiety and not good at "masking" I have often felt marginalized and have been bullied throughout my life. Though as a white woman I will never know racism.
Lastly need to mention an error in the book. The author is affiliated with Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Marin County, CA though she does not live in CA.
It is mentioned in the book that Spirit Rock is in Woodacre on unceded Ohlone land which is incorrect. It is Woodacre but on unceded Coast Miwok land. I grew up on unceded Ohlone land in the eastern part of the SF bay area, and now live on unceded Coast Miwok land.
May 1, 2023
Shout out to my therapist for recommending me this!! One of the most ICA books I’ve ever read. Very powerful commentary on the role of friendship under systems of oppression. Helped me learn a lot about myself in terms of what I need and how I can grow.
January 21, 2025
What are the main ideas?
* despite how meditation gets most of the focus in american buddhist community, the buddha's teachings focus mostly on being in relationship
* radical friendship is the practice of developing the inner spiritual capacities that allow us to show up for our own liberation and the expression of these capacities in all of our relationships as we show up for each other
* meditation is making friends with yourself
* learning to be friends (with yourself, with others) is counter-cultural in this era because our dominant culture would rather people be at war within themselves. that discontent, when encouraged, is profitable. and our capitalist economy would rather people buy things or experiences to attempt to address the discontent.
* insert quote of the mitta sutta
If I implemented one idea from this book right now, which one would it be?
practice meditation as if i were befriending myself
How would I describe the book to a friend?
this book on radical friendship is such a needed plot twist on the dominant buddhist culture of today. rather than focus primarily on liberation from the individual perspective, kate turns the lens towards interrelationship as the bigger part of the path. the book is straight forward in its lay out: a clean opening, one chapter per quality of friendship as named by the buddha, a simple yet expansive conclusion. if/when i'm ready to focus on improving my capacity to be a friend, this book would be SO helpful. i would hold a chapter each month: i'd focus on the prose as a reflection on my capacity for that friendship quality, and use the practice she lays out as my daily practice.
ps - i love that she has a page that lists where to find all the practices! game changer.
* despite how meditation gets most of the focus in american buddhist community, the buddha's teachings focus mostly on being in relationship
* radical friendship is the practice of developing the inner spiritual capacities that allow us to show up for our own liberation and the expression of these capacities in all of our relationships as we show up for each other
* meditation is making friends with yourself
* learning to be friends (with yourself, with others) is counter-cultural in this era because our dominant culture would rather people be at war within themselves. that discontent, when encouraged, is profitable. and our capitalist economy would rather people buy things or experiences to attempt to address the discontent.
* insert quote of the mitta sutta
If I implemented one idea from this book right now, which one would it be?
practice meditation as if i were befriending myself
How would I describe the book to a friend?
this book on radical friendship is such a needed plot twist on the dominant buddhist culture of today. rather than focus primarily on liberation from the individual perspective, kate turns the lens towards interrelationship as the bigger part of the path. the book is straight forward in its lay out: a clean opening, one chapter per quality of friendship as named by the buddha, a simple yet expansive conclusion. if/when i'm ready to focus on improving my capacity to be a friend, this book would be SO helpful. i would hold a chapter each month: i'd focus on the prose as a reflection on my capacity for that friendship quality, and use the practice she lays out as my daily practice.
ps - i love that she has a page that lists where to find all the practices! game changer.
December 6, 2021
full of wisdom and exercises to help you cultivate self-love and also love, compassion, and understanding for others. Healing
January 3, 2022
so much to reflect on w this book and big for people who care about/want to understand how our interpersonal relationships are the grounds for collective liberation
May 17, 2025
“Radical Friendship” may have been somewhat doomed from the start for me. Originally, I picked it up with the goal of critiquing it against a scientifically backed textbook in a class I am taking on the psychology of interpersonal relationships. Thus, I have been actively looking for aspects of the book I could argue against. For example, I found the title to be misleading. “Find your People”. There was more advice on how to be a better friend to others and how to strengthen existing relationships than there was for finding new ones. Not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely could have been clearer.
Additionally, although I am spiritual, I am not Buddhist and I felt that “Radical Friendship” was not for me in that regard. Although Johnson’s advice, rooted in the Buddha’s teachings, could be generalizable to many, Buddhist or not, I found some of the commentary to be whimsical in an over the top, theatrical sort of way which I perhaps would not have thought if I held the beliefs that some of her comments were referring to.
The most important part of her book was the commentary on racism and how friendship is a simple way to be radical and fight against the division that systematic oppression thrives on. Often, her arguments were rooted in her own experience, making this read somewhat like an autobiography, however, I can imagine how the sharing of one’s own experience would make others feel heard and seen. I learned how to be a better ally to my friends who experience marginalization and by framing friendship in a way that makes it a powerful tool is a beautiful way of intertwining activism with life.
All in all, not bad but not great. Take this with a grain of salt though because I went into it looking for details that were “wrong”.
Additionally, although I am spiritual, I am not Buddhist and I felt that “Radical Friendship” was not for me in that regard. Although Johnson’s advice, rooted in the Buddha’s teachings, could be generalizable to many, Buddhist or not, I found some of the commentary to be whimsical in an over the top, theatrical sort of way which I perhaps would not have thought if I held the beliefs that some of her comments were referring to.
The most important part of her book was the commentary on racism and how friendship is a simple way to be radical and fight against the division that systematic oppression thrives on. Often, her arguments were rooted in her own experience, making this read somewhat like an autobiography, however, I can imagine how the sharing of one’s own experience would make others feel heard and seen. I learned how to be a better ally to my friends who experience marginalization and by framing friendship in a way that makes it a powerful tool is a beautiful way of intertwining activism with life.
All in all, not bad but not great. Take this with a grain of salt though because I went into it looking for details that were “wrong”.
September 29, 2021
I picked this up because the title and topic seemed very interesting to me, but I didn't realize that it was very much also about Buddhism! Once I realized that both the structure of the material and much of the discussion would center Buddhist dharma, it became easier to read. Basically had to get through a bit of religion culture-shock as a very non-religious - especially non-organized-religious - person. I was happy to hear about a Buddhist perspective on these topics. Definitely a breath of fresh air from the ex-Christian perspective I hear all the time.
Otherwise, I loved it. I was aware of a lot of the general ideas discussed within this book with regards to feminism and radical transformative justice, but this book definitely delivered those ideas in a brand new way of thinking about them! And I loved the focus in on friendship and interpersonal relationships AS radical transformative justice. I've found that the culture and expectation of individualism in cis het white supremacist patriarchal society to be something that holds me back and causes me suffering, and the entire thesis of this book is a big NO to that. It's about building stronger relationships with the express purpose of deconstructing the oppressive structure we all live in by acknowledging those structures. Blending all of those things together - the individual desire for intimacy with the community desire for progress with the institutional power structure - is not an easy task and Kate Johnson does a fantastic job of never letting any one of those pieces of the puzzle fade into the background.
I'll probably pick this up in print at some point, because it also comes with some meditation exercises that I would definitely be interested in trying out even though I am very much a novice meditator. This feels like an excellent book to come back to for guidance, and that's another reason I'd like to have it around the house.
Otherwise, I loved it. I was aware of a lot of the general ideas discussed within this book with regards to feminism and radical transformative justice, but this book definitely delivered those ideas in a brand new way of thinking about them! And I loved the focus in on friendship and interpersonal relationships AS radical transformative justice. I've found that the culture and expectation of individualism in cis het white supremacist patriarchal society to be something that holds me back and causes me suffering, and the entire thesis of this book is a big NO to that. It's about building stronger relationships with the express purpose of deconstructing the oppressive structure we all live in by acknowledging those structures. Blending all of those things together - the individual desire for intimacy with the community desire for progress with the institutional power structure - is not an easy task and Kate Johnson does a fantastic job of never letting any one of those pieces of the puzzle fade into the background.
I'll probably pick this up in print at some point, because it also comes with some meditation exercises that I would definitely be interested in trying out even though I am very much a novice meditator. This feels like an excellent book to come back to for guidance, and that's another reason I'd like to have it around the house.
May 16, 2022
This book is simply outstanding. I actually, shamefully, didn’t like the idea of it at first, though I was very excited for a book by this author. I under-estimated what a powerful vehicle friendship is, in concept, though as soon as I started reading I remembered and have continued to acknowledge how huge friendship is for liberation.
One of my favorite Dharma books. Thank you, Kate Johnson!
One of my favorite Dharma books. Thank you, Kate Johnson!
November 15, 2021
A well-written, tender book that found me at the right time. Kate’s love and knowledge shine through in their writing.
April 20, 2022
No what I was expecting.
Was expecting a more holistic book on friendships.
Was expecting a more holistic book on friendships.
April 9, 2024
~ In radical friendship, it is possible to create worlds where being imperfect is not a threat to our belonging. And, we can live inside of these worlds together where it is possible to be both 100 percent accountable and 100 percent free. ~
~ The existence of bodhicitta doesn't mean that we live in a perfect world. It means that this sometimes-messed-up world is perhaps the perfect place to perfect our love. It may be a leap of faith, but it's one that can allow us to show up as the true spiritual friends that we wish to be in this world, only if we are willing to take the risk. ~
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This book follows 7 lines of a Sutta on friendship. Each chapter is an exploration of one of the qualities of friendship that is outlined in the Sutta. Johnson relates back to her personal experience, current events, and historic knowledge from Buddhist texts and practices. The language is simple and relatable. I appreciated that each chapter ends with some practices. As my brother says, "the only thing you get better at by reading, is reading." It was helpful to have some practical ways to incorporate and work on being in "radical friendship" in every day life.
One of Johnson's insights on meditation as a healing practice - inhale the bad, transform, and exhale the good - was new to me. This has been one of those practices that has shifted how I think about my own meditation practice and power of transformation in this world.
~ The existence of bodhicitta doesn't mean that we live in a perfect world. It means that this sometimes-messed-up world is perhaps the perfect place to perfect our love. It may be a leap of faith, but it's one that can allow us to show up as the true spiritual friends that we wish to be in this world, only if we are willing to take the risk. ~
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This book follows 7 lines of a Sutta on friendship. Each chapter is an exploration of one of the qualities of friendship that is outlined in the Sutta. Johnson relates back to her personal experience, current events, and historic knowledge from Buddhist texts and practices. The language is simple and relatable. I appreciated that each chapter ends with some practices. As my brother says, "the only thing you get better at by reading, is reading." It was helpful to have some practical ways to incorporate and work on being in "radical friendship" in every day life.
One of Johnson's insights on meditation as a healing practice - inhale the bad, transform, and exhale the good - was new to me. This has been one of those practices that has shifted how I think about my own meditation practice and power of transformation in this world.
February 12, 2025
There were some opening statements that, as a mixed woman, I did not agree with her stance. The title comes off a bit misleading, and she uses mediation and parts of Buddhist practice. I do feel it should have been titled differently.
At times, this felt a little autobiographical. However, I did appreciate her use of personal examples to help with the information in each segment. This would conclude the negative parts.
From this read, I gained more interest in mediation and the power behind it. It got me curious to explore it and how to center and focus more inwardly. I very much appreciated the contemplationsnof wise speech and being thoughtful in each phase of that communication. Active listening with the intent to listen and not always respond. How to place our headspace properly to really be present with whom we are listening to and not taking any of our personal experiences or thoughts to that space.
I love the exchange of opening up when we exchange our truth. It opens up room for others to do the same.
She brings thoughtful awareness of mistakes and how it takes 2 two to forgive and not just one. This is a good reminder that we can make mistakes, but we are not our mistakes. She goes gracefully into how to make sure we go about healthy way to improve on those mistakes.
The conclusion is which we can not change all the negative things in the world, we can create meaning and positive relationships to show as positively in the world as possible.
At times, this felt a little autobiographical. However, I did appreciate her use of personal examples to help with the information in each segment. This would conclude the negative parts.
From this read, I gained more interest in mediation and the power behind it. It got me curious to explore it and how to center and focus more inwardly. I very much appreciated the contemplationsnof wise speech and being thoughtful in each phase of that communication. Active listening with the intent to listen and not always respond. How to place our headspace properly to really be present with whom we are listening to and not taking any of our personal experiences or thoughts to that space.
I love the exchange of opening up when we exchange our truth. It opens up room for others to do the same.
She brings thoughtful awareness of mistakes and how it takes 2 two to forgive and not just one. This is a good reminder that we can make mistakes, but we are not our mistakes. She goes gracefully into how to make sure we go about healthy way to improve on those mistakes.
The conclusion is which we can not change all the negative things in the world, we can create meaning and positive relationships to show as positively in the world as possible.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 10, 2023
While I'm not a Buddhist, this was a very useful and meticulous book about spiritual friendships for the messiness in today's world. I appreciated all of the sections, but the one about communities resonated the most — that's one of the places where I've struggled the most during my adulthood after leaving my childhood religious community for college and the adult world in another state. The book is well worth reading for anyone in a spiritual community, especially a community that professes to care about justice, and the personal stories discussed by the author are deep and illustrative. Highly recommend it!
September 14, 2025
More directly Buddhist than I was expecting. Valuable thoughts in here.
- Keeping away from engaging for the mere *fear* of burning out is its own burning out.
- Idle speech includes shying away from big, scary topics.
- Awkwardness is beautiful and silence leaves space to say fresh things.
- Attention is a basic form of love
- Noticing our bodies when we're irritated helps it feel less like an "always"
-It takes effort to remember how different we all are
-Dharma are is 90% setting your mood for the 10% of creating.
- "Our love for each other is like a million tiny axes to the great tree of suffering and confusion.
- Keeping away from engaging for the mere *fear* of burning out is its own burning out.
- Idle speech includes shying away from big, scary topics.
- Awkwardness is beautiful and silence leaves space to say fresh things.
- Attention is a basic form of love
- Noticing our bodies when we're irritated helps it feel less like an "always"
-It takes effort to remember how different we all are
-Dharma are is 90% setting your mood for the 10% of creating.
- "Our love for each other is like a million tiny axes to the great tree of suffering and confusion.
December 8, 2022
Kate Johnson connects the dots between spiritual friendship, Buddhist meditation, and social change in a clear, practical way that I haven't seen before. She views friendship as an essential medium for transforming ourselves and our world—it heals us, reveals where we need to grow, and gives us the support and resilience we need to do whatever important work we're called to do. Yet friendship is hard... especially being good friends with ourselves! Lots of wisdom here, laced with a refreshing self-deprecation.
January 18, 2023
First book I’ve read in a long time that I read with pen in hand (which I used often to underline and star sections and sentences). So much to take in and concepts and practices I want to circle back to again. Kate weaves compassion for self and others in this book and it resonated deeply. Chapter 6 was especially magnetic for me. “When we listen with complete confidence that the person telling their story has everything they need to fully awaken, our listening becomes a force for their healing.” Thank you, Kate. A book for everyone.
February 20, 2023
There were a few things in this book that really resonated with me, starting with the list of characteristics of white supremacy culture, like either/or thinking and perfectionism. I read through it and recognized tendencies from my workplace culture and appreciated that the full document the writer referenced gives examples of action to take to counteract these mindsets.
The quote I’ve been sharing with my friends though has been:
“To become an ally is to take on an identity. To become a friend is to commit to a path of practice.”
The quote I’ve been sharing with my friends though has been:
“To become an ally is to take on an identity. To become a friend is to commit to a path of practice.”
June 24, 2023
I 've now done two retreats with Kate Johnson, one online and one in person, and she is a lovely teacher AND a great writer. I found this book accessible, wise, practical and helpful, and it's going onto my shelf of books I will reference for my own study and teaching again and again. Highly recommend. I will note it's probably most helpful for folks who have had some exposure to mindfulness meditation already, but each chapter includes practical meditation instruction to bring home the experience of what she talks about.
March 25, 2023
There is more philosophical stuff going on here than I imagined. I guess I was expecting something different in the book. I don't even know what are the seven things so apparently it wasn't prevalent enough or I wasn't paying attention. So there were some things that worked & I was able to understand, but not enough of it. I was hoping to come away w/ some more tangible things but that didn't happen. Oh well.
March 31, 2025
I wanted to like this more than I did. The ideas in here did not feel very insightful or transformative to me. The suggested practices were quite standard. When I noticed this, I decided I'd skim and see what stuck with me...but that was made more difficult by poor editing/uneven writing style. Problems with sentences cut off in the middle, extra words, subject-verb agreement, mismatched list items, etc. Overall the book was neither helpful nor pleasurable for me, unfortunately.
September 30, 2021
A beautiful book that came into my life right when I needed it. Thank you, Kate, for writing a book that is equal parts inspiration and instructions for leading a life filled with loving kindness. Collective liberation feels like a big, idealistic goal but Radical Friendship gives you tangible ways to incorporate this intention into all that we do. I can't wait to pass this one on to a friend.
May 15, 2022
This was an interesting take on friendship- focusing on Buddhist tenets with an addition of how systems of oppression impact our ability give & experience real friendship. Some really great take aways if you’re exploring what it means to be true friend and how to maneuver the often rocky road of difficult times in friendships.
September 12, 2022
This book is a good read for activists. One star off because it’s not about really about friendship. To me it’s more about social relationships with our outer communities and society. Buddhism is made accessible in this book — there’s plenty of great wisdom in here!
Some quotes from the book relevant to friendship:
- Friendship is not an identity—it’s an activity. Friends feed each other, check in on each other, cheer each other up, and let each other be.
- As radical friends, people who are committed to our own and each other’s liberation, we must remember that even when someone commits an act of harm, their innate worthiness is never erased.
- The moment we think we already know everything about our friend is the very moment we stop really paying attention to them.
- Kindness is saying or doing what causes the least possible amount of harm over the long term. Which means that, between friends, it is possible to exchange words that are both extremely kind and a little difficult to hear.
Some quotes from the book relevant to friendship:
- Friendship is not an identity—it’s an activity. Friends feed each other, check in on each other, cheer each other up, and let each other be.
- As radical friends, people who are committed to our own and each other’s liberation, we must remember that even when someone commits an act of harm, their innate worthiness is never erased.
- The moment we think we already know everything about our friend is the very moment we stop really paying attention to them.
- Kindness is saying or doing what causes the least possible amount of harm over the long term. Which means that, between friends, it is possible to exchange words that are both extremely kind and a little difficult to hear.
April 16, 2023
It had many decent and wise advice on friendship. I think it would have been a sharper read if leaving the focus on activism to a separate book. Now it felt the author wanted to take the chance to squeeze in multiple different messages and personal stories. Anyway, it held many nice pieces of advice and I got exposure to some new ideas, so it felt like a worthy read.
April 16, 2024
This book frames friendship through Buddhist teachings, especially about what friendship should be: someone who does not abandon you; who does not look down on you; who keeps your secrets; who gives when it is hard; who does hard things, etc. Johnson also addresses systemic forces of oppression throughout, and how to be in community with others! 4.25/5 stars
September 8, 2025
Thought provoking, overall pleasant and light read. The provided mindfulness exercises were interesting, I appreciated the one journaling exercise amid all of the meditations but I wish there were more of that nature. I hope to use this as a framework for future friendships and relationships, and to identify where I can do better for those precious people around me.
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