Expected Loss: Coping with Anticipatory Grief

by Alan D. Wolfelt

We don't only experience grief after a loss—we often experience it before. If someone we love is seriously ill, or if we're concerned about upcoming hardships of any kind, we naturally begin to grieve right now. This process of anticipatory grief is normal, but it can also be confusing and painful. Life is change, and change is hard. This book will help see you through.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Grief

66 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 1, 2021

Reviews

[Beckie Farrant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. As someone who is losing both of her parents (one to cancer and one to dementia) this book was so helpful to normalize my feelings and help me process. Oftentimes when the person is still earthside it is hard to feel like you have a right to grieve but there is still grief. I am grateful for this guidebook to help me think through things and to know my feelings are valid. I am recommending this to anyone who is dealing with an impending death of a loved one. I am sure I will read it several times during this period of transition. I know nothing prepares you for the grief that happens at death and that will continue my mourning process. But this book was really helpful in helping me deal with my emotions healthily.

[Ari · Rating 5 out of 5]

POV: I'm a chaplain in a Trauma 1 hospital. I read this because it was sent to me by a friend. I'm extremely glad I did, and now am interested in reading more by this author. Much of what I deal with in the hospital in ICU and Emergency room are families who's loved one is either going to die or going to face a significant change. Some changes are temporary but still vastly different from normal life for a bit (heart surgeries, recoverable strokes, etc) This author focuses mostly on coming death, but also does note legitimately that other major changes are cause for a sort of mourning as well. I'd suggest reading in conjunction with Pauline Boss' work on ambiguous loss. If we are aware of what causes ambiguous loss, we can address it as much as possible in the early stages to help families more. Wolfert in conjunction with Boss is recommended.
Things I expecially liked in this book: The author defines the differences between grief and mourning. These are used interchangably by so many authors, and I really appreciated the differentiating. Also, the author breaks down anticipatory grief/mourning down into 6 basic needs of the mourner. They're fleshed out over the course of the rest of the book. (I'm not listing them, you should read the book) Finally, the author addresses the 'what it will look like if you do this right' portion in the section called Reconciled Grief.
People I'd recommend this to: Chaplains and CPE students, CECs and Educators, anyone facing a major loss who isn't sure what to do with the feelings they're feeling, and basically all people in general. I'll be suggesting that my hospital acquire a few copies of this. Highly recommended.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good and concentrated in simple language about what is anticipated grief, how to cope with simple but necessary methods and how normal it is what grieving person is going through before final event has occurred and that grief if very important and necessary part of life and helps to heal.
Very self-assuring book for me who faces with anticipatory grief for the first time and only know I understand what was and still is those feelings, emotions etc that I am going through 4 years grieving about my mom coping with cancer. Reading it, including description of symptoms, helped me accept even more my mourning and feelings that I was afraid of or that it might be too early.
I wish people would talk more often about grief as normal part of life and being a human instead of avoiding it.
Is suggest this book for reading no matter what kind of grief it is - loss of job or career, sibling, coping with loved one illness, divorce etc.

***
"After all, you may be in the middle of something that is hard to define and even harder to talk about. You might be unsure if what you’re feeling is “normal.” You might feel undeserving of attention because the ultimate loss hasn’t really happened yet. "

"And as the disease progresses, you are present on any given day to offer the person who is dying comfort, care, and a listening ear. You are there to bear witness to their grief as well as yours. Those are the greatest gifts life offers."

"Over and over again, death has taught me that life is a fantastic opportunity. It’s a smorgasbord of delights, and it presents all of us with the possibilities to build loving relationships and meaningful accomplishments."

[Gosia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though the book is short, it's touching, and for me - it was a journey. Especially because I wanted to understand what grief is and what mourning is, and wanted to get tools to live my own. The book will leave you wanting more (hence 4 stars, because I would love to dig deeper), but I do think ti's a great introduction and a good anchor to hold some feelings that make us inadequate in such situations. It helped me and I will look into it more.

[Roy Speckhardt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful short book to focus a person on aspects of grieving that are necessary and helpful.

[Ro Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me a lot.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super quick and relatively high level

[M.A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative.