What do you think?
Rate this book
Sis, Don't Settle: How to Stay Smart in Matters of the Heart
DATE SMARTER, MAKE BETTER DECISIONS IN LOVE, AND ACHIEVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESERVE… IT ALL STARTS WITH NOT SETTLING! By day, Faith Jenkins is the host of Oxygen's Killer Relationship and former host of the nationally syndicated relationship show Divorce Court ; by night, she’s a happily married new mother who navigated these dating streets for years before learning how to attract the love of her dreams. When she turned 35 without a wedding ring in sight, like most women, she started getting tons of questions about not being married. But she made a I. Will. Not. Settle.
As an attorney and arbitrator, Faith has presided over hundreds of cases, and has helped couples avoid and resolve a wealth of drama. And she’s seen it all! In Sis, Don’t Settle , she’s gathered an arsenal of love, wisdom and advice for women on how to play it smart.
Modern culture would have women believe they can’t have it all—and be smart, successful, strong women with authentic love to boot. Wrong . Told in her signature style—sometimes salty and sometimes sweet—Faith provides real solutions that will teach you how to thrive in relationships while avoiding common missteps and pitfalls. She delivers it straight, with no chaser, to show us how to level up, and reminds you that how you live single will set the tone for your success in relationships.
Smart, illuminating, and, often laugh-out-loud funny, Sis, Don’t Settle is the essential playbook that will help you build your confidence, generate better results in love, and land a high-value relationship once and for all. You’ll find tips on topics
Whether you’re single, divorced, or in a situationship, Sis, Don’t Settle reveals the direction and guidance you need to navigate love and take back your power.
As an attorney and arbitrator, Faith has presided over hundreds of cases, and has helped couples avoid and resolve a wealth of drama. And she’s seen it all! In Sis, Don’t Settle , she’s gathered an arsenal of love, wisdom and advice for women on how to play it smart.
Modern culture would have women believe they can’t have it all—and be smart, successful, strong women with authentic love to boot. Wrong . Told in her signature style—sometimes salty and sometimes sweet—Faith provides real solutions that will teach you how to thrive in relationships while avoiding common missteps and pitfalls. She delivers it straight, with no chaser, to show us how to level up, and reminds you that how you live single will set the tone for your success in relationships.
Smart, illuminating, and, often laugh-out-loud funny, Sis, Don’t Settle is the essential playbook that will help you build your confidence, generate better results in love, and land a high-value relationship once and for all. You’ll find tips on topics
Whether you’re single, divorced, or in a situationship, Sis, Don’t Settle reveals the direction and guidance you need to navigate love and take back your power.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published November 9, 2021
265 people are currently reading
2697 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
January 18, 2022
This is a single woman’s dating handbook!
She was transparent and relatable. I loved the writing prompts and reflections statements that were incorporated throughout the book. I flagged a few pages so I could return.
This book made me love her even more. I would definitely read this book again or reference it.
We are not settling in 2022.
She was transparent and relatable. I loved the writing prompts and reflections statements that were incorporated throughout the book. I flagged a few pages so I could return.
This book made me love her even more. I would definitely read this book again or reference it.
We are not settling in 2022.
March 3, 2022
Every single woman should read this book. (really, any woman regardless of relationship status). There were so many gems of wisdom. Especially the quotes at the beginning of each chapter. In a society where women are looked at with the stank look or shunned upon if they're not dating, engaged, or married by a certain age, Faith Jenkins encourages women not to settle. (Dust settles, but queens don't). Use your single years to build yourself and learn yourself. (the right one will come along when we at least expect it). You have the rest of your life to fall and be in love. Also, I liked how she included examples of her own dating life into the book. So, we're not the only ones who have kissed a few frogs.
August 10, 2022
I wanted to dislike this book. But, instead, I earmarked like 20 pages. There is some good, solid advice in here. My only criticism is that she is so pressed about her marriage! She's only been married for two years, and only dated her husband like a year before they got married. So, while she has some solid dating advice, it's really too soon for her to speak on how to create a marriage that will last. Like, she must've started writing this book the day she met Kenny Lattimore. And, she talks about how good of a relationship Meagan Good and Devon Franklin have, and we know how that ended. So...
September 8, 2025
I’ve seen her shows and always admired how calm, collected, and level-headed she is. I expected this to be more of a straightforward self-help book, but I really enjoyed the personal glimpses she shared from her own dating life. She comes across as very relatable, and I could definitely connect with some of the same dating mistakes she mentioned.
April 29, 2024
I don't know why I decided to listen to this book. I'm not interested in relationship advice. It's not a thought. However, what this book did was make me praise God (literally) that I am no longer in situations described in the book. Being gaslit. Ghosted. Lied to. Cheated on. Stalled. Amen to being FREE. You appreciate your life and are more thankful when you see that you've dodged many bullets on the relationship front.
October 18, 2023
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. This was like having a tell it to you straight friend/bestie who has the best of intentions for you. She wants you to heal from your current hurts and provides cautionary tales to hopefully inspire you to not make the same mistakes. She knows what she’s talking about because she has seen it all. Being a divorce court judge,Faith was in the unique position to be able to hear all sorts of stories about failed relationships. Having that perspective she noticed some repeating patterns and sure fire lessons to incorporate into her own journey in looking for love. She had to learn the hard way and didn’t always get it right. I was here for this book. I’m feeling like this will prepare me for my future while stilll dealing with my past. First things First Ladies. Become your best self and do not settle cause you don’t have to. You do have to be patient though.
November 23, 2021
I’m giving this book 5 stars because it’s a great book if you are single or divorced like I am, and you’ve been dating unsuccessfully for a while. It really gives you a boost on getting back out there and changing your approach and the way you do things. I listen to the audio version on Audible, and being a southern girl from Alabama I loved her voice, her southern Louisiana twang was comforting. I felt as if I was listening to one of my best girlfriends give dating advice. After reading her dating experiences, and seeing that such a beautiful and accomplished woman was also having difficulties dating, I no longer feel like I’m out here alone.
March 4, 2022
Being a first daughter, this book gave me the advice only an elder sister can give. I started crying towards the end of the book, not because it had a sad ending but I was overwhelmed by all the gems Judge Faith had dropped.
As a little girl I told myself I didn't care when I got married, all I knew was that I'll say 'I do' once. I don't care how long it'll take me to find the man with whom I'd build my ideal life with. I also knew I wanted to win career-wise. I know I'll get all I desire, all I need to do is be patient and grow into the woman I wish to become.
All in all, it is a book I see myself reading every year and if I have a daughter, I'd gift her a copy on her 18th birthday. I'm indeed blessed to have read this at 23, she addressed so many issues I struggle with but couldn't speak about.
If you're still contemplating whether to read this book or not, please read it.
As a little girl I told myself I didn't care when I got married, all I knew was that I'll say 'I do' once. I don't care how long it'll take me to find the man with whom I'd build my ideal life with. I also knew I wanted to win career-wise. I know I'll get all I desire, all I need to do is be patient and grow into the woman I wish to become.
All in all, it is a book I see myself reading every year and if I have a daughter, I'd gift her a copy on her 18th birthday. I'm indeed blessed to have read this at 23, she addressed so many issues I struggle with but couldn't speak about.
If you're still contemplating whether to read this book or not, please read it.
December 30, 2023
I really took my TIME reading this book; I took notes, re-read passages, and reflected alone and with loved ones on the insights shared by Faith. This is an incredibly important book that many people should read. This book helped me to learn from my past mistakes and encouraged me to move forward toward a more purpose oriented life. I do believe in love but I also know it will take work, discipline and discernment. This books helps to offer a guide for those pillars that protect your heart.
May 31, 2023
While I didn’t agree with everything, this was a good listen. She read it perfectly too! 3.5 stars
November 11, 2023
Every woman should read this book! This is a real gem!!
December 4, 2022
Good read. A very relevant and relatable book. This book is about improving your relationships by not settling on yourself. It's about having standards and understanding that it's not up to other people to uphold your standards. I did NOT feel that Faith was looking down on us single people now that she's happily married. She shares the tears, pain and lessons that guided her to her person. She shares how she was finally able to accept and believe that the person she deserves is out there and she did not give up or become a bitter, hardened woman in the process. She emphasizes the need to be a whole, complete person for yourself and should you find love it is in addition to the love you already have for yourself, but not your sole source of happiness. Your partner should complement you. A few goals of this book is to help you learn to listen to your gut, not to force relationships and to move forward confidently in the dating arena and/or just life in general.
February 1, 2023
My 3 star review reflects my neutrality. This book is valuable. I can see how Faith has studied and read and used the wisdom of our ancestors to refine her way of thinking. She is funny, she is direct, she is clear. I value her ability to share her story in this way. At first, I cringed because the title is reflective of the self help genre! 😂 I didn’t want to go there, but I find her to be very real when I hear her speak in court, so I thought I’d give it a try. I’m typically reading historical non-fiction books and took a quick break to read this. It was necessary. She shines in her truth. Peace. Be still.
February 5, 2022
Though I'm married, I took the self-love and marriage counseling notes to heart. Showing up as your best self and letting the rest fall into place is the BEST advice. Being 100% you and allowing your partner to be 100% them!
Love me some Faith Jenkins 💕
Love me some Faith Jenkins 💕
June 5, 2024
This book had been on my to-read list for over several years now and I am so glad I finally got my hands on a copy. I listened to the audiobook and really enjoyed this journey of love, discovery, and faith with Faith. Jenkins is a bright and talented author and lays out many truths in this book (no chaser). As someone who is relatively new to the “dating world” and have made silly mistakes in the past, I feel increasingly confident to give dating another try with Jenkins’ tips in mind. She gives practical advice on how to make the most of your singleness and remain whole in prospects, discern key red flags, get over lost relationships, and prepare for the man of your dreams. I will be purchasing a physical copy and continue to re-refer as the journey progresses. Every lady who is interested in a worthwhile, committed relationship should have this book in her stash as she prepares for the “right one”. 📚This book is far from the cliche dating advice, but digs a little deeper.
February 5, 2024
I really enjoyed this relationship book by such a powerful woman. I wanted to listen to the perspective of someone who’s lived more than 40 years having never been married, and how she handled it with so much grace. She never let her singleness stop her from achieving everything she wanted for herself, while also taking good care of herself physically and emotionally. My biggest takeaway is that you are a whole person on your own, but society puts so much pressure on women who struggle in the dating arena or aren’t married. It’s tough. But this book is definitely a keepsake and something I can refer back to when I need it.
March 9, 2024
This was fine. Dating books are not helpful.
January 24, 2025
An anthem of a book about knowing your worth and cultivating meaningful relationships. Quick read, incredible reminders.
July 5, 2024
FYI: I’m a guy, in my late 20s.
I read this book twice.
An outstanding and pithy book on relationships and personal growth. The author is hilarious to read but at the same time conveys a strong tone of emotion and well-thought-out conclusions about the complexities of dating, relationships, and self-compassion.
Regarding the author’s stance on relationships…
It is all about you and starts with you. Your personal qualities will determine what you attract. You want to attract high-value partners but are you high-value? Are you trying to lose weight for the right reasons? “Ask not what a relationship/partner can do for you but what you can do for the health and success of that relationship/partner”.
I thought the concept of “non-negotiable” was brilliant and not as intuitive as one might expect.
Additionally, thinking about rejection as a revolving door was brilliant.
My favorite quotes from the book. I encourage you to read the book to get the full context!
1. “Don’t cry over spilled, spoiled milk when you have a fresh carton waiting for you in the fridge”.
2. “It’s easy to fall in love, but it takes work to stay there”.
3. “Don’t blame a clown for being a clown. As yourself why you keep going to the circus”.
4. “Iron sharpens iron”
5. “Disciplined decision-making is the strongest form of self-love”
6. “You can take the actions to heal so that you won’t continue to bleed on people who didn’t cut you”
I read this book twice.
An outstanding and pithy book on relationships and personal growth. The author is hilarious to read but at the same time conveys a strong tone of emotion and well-thought-out conclusions about the complexities of dating, relationships, and self-compassion.
Regarding the author’s stance on relationships…
It is all about you and starts with you. Your personal qualities will determine what you attract. You want to attract high-value partners but are you high-value? Are you trying to lose weight for the right reasons? “Ask not what a relationship/partner can do for you but what you can do for the health and success of that relationship/partner”.
I thought the concept of “non-negotiable” was brilliant and not as intuitive as one might expect.
Additionally, thinking about rejection as a revolving door was brilliant.
My favorite quotes from the book. I encourage you to read the book to get the full context!
1. “Don’t cry over spilled, spoiled milk when you have a fresh carton waiting for you in the fridge”.
2. “It’s easy to fall in love, but it takes work to stay there”.
3. “Don’t blame a clown for being a clown. As yourself why you keep going to the circus”.
4. “Iron sharpens iron”
5. “Disciplined decision-making is the strongest form of self-love”
6. “You can take the actions to heal so that you won’t continue to bleed on people who didn’t cut you”
March 22, 2025
Well done, Faith. I love how straightforward this book is. It’s not a bunch of fluff and nonsense, it just gets to the point. It felt like a big sister telling you how it is, and I really appreciated that. I think this would be a good read for any single woman of any age.
Looking at Faith, one would assume that because she’s gorgeous and accomplished she’d never really struggled when it comes to love but that’s far from the truth. I appreciate her authenticity and vulnerability in sharing where she went wrong in the past, taking accountability and lessons learned.
I will absolutely be implementing many of the points she shared into my own life. Highly recommend!
Looking at Faith, one would assume that because she’s gorgeous and accomplished she’d never really struggled when it comes to love but that’s far from the truth. I appreciate her authenticity and vulnerability in sharing where she went wrong in the past, taking accountability and lessons learned.
I will absolutely be implementing many of the points she shared into my own life. Highly recommend!
January 16, 2023
I remember Faith Jenkins when she Miss Louisiana Tech and Miss Louisiana. I was just starting at Louisiana Tech at that time. It was encouraging to see a young Black woman representing a PWI and a state steeped in racial discrimination. She continues to represent herself as a woman paving the way for others. It’s disheartening to hear of all of the failed relationships because she’s amazing; however, it is all worth it to receive the love of her life that was meant just for her. As a African American woman over 40 who has never been married, I am inspired by her story. Settling for just anyone is not an option. I’m at a point in my life that I’m happy being single and to finding a purpose partner would be the “icing on the cake”. However, even if singleness is my lot in life, I’m happy to stay single then setting for someone who is not right for me. This is a great book and a great reminder that you are a Queen and you shouldn’t be treated less than that. I will be sharing this book with my single family members and even my friends who have settled in marriages that are not best for them. Thank you so much Faith for being transparent with your struggles and inspiring us not to settle.
February 5, 2024
This was a really good book, with lots of solid advice about preparing yourself for dating and marriage. The author discusses her misadventures in love, in such a funny and relatable way that you’ll be laughing out loud. I listened to the audiobook, and she has such a sweet and soothing voice that I highly recommend you do the same. I took a star off because she doesn’t wrestle with online dating, just saying she’s an old fashioned girl and the old fashioned meet cutes (friend of a friend, meeting at activities) are best. But that’s not the reality for many women in the dating game right now, and it would have been nice to hear her thoughts on screening profiles, moving from online to IRL meetups, comparing profiles/how people present themselves to how they actually are, etc. But overall I’d recommend to anyone planning to date for marriage, especially Black women. Most of the advice is also about making yourself the best version of you, which is important not only for dating but for living a life you enjoy.
August 10, 2023
As a fan of Judge Faith, I had to check out her book. While it indicates this book is for single women or women who are dating, I think that the gems in this book can also apply to married women too.
She shared her journey, and discussed a lot of the challenges (and mistakes) that she made while dating. I loved how she spent time talking about how she met her now husband, and how she went to God about that relationship before she even met him (Whew!).
As a married woman, I enjoyed the book and think that the tips in this book can apply to romantic relationships and even friendships. I am glad that at the end of the day that she got her happily ever after.
While no relationship is ever perfect, it is clear they have set the foundation for boundaries in their relationship, and when those hard times do come (because they will), I think she will be in a better position to deal with them.
She shared her journey, and discussed a lot of the challenges (and mistakes) that she made while dating. I loved how she spent time talking about how she met her now husband, and how she went to God about that relationship before she even met him (Whew!).
As a married woman, I enjoyed the book and think that the tips in this book can apply to romantic relationships and even friendships. I am glad that at the end of the day that she got her happily ever after.
While no relationship is ever perfect, it is clear they have set the foundation for boundaries in their relationship, and when those hard times do come (because they will), I think she will be in a better position to deal with them.
January 30, 2022
I like how she ties in her relationships with what she's talking about. I agree that we are not on anyone's timetable. Life maps. love life every moment you can (p 20). I like a lot of her lingo: Mind your Business Ministries. She speaks on that marriage isn't for everyone, even gives the successful women who choose not to marry like Oprah and Shonda Rhimes (didn't know about her).
She shares her relationships, and others she had to work with as a Judge (divorce court), then mentions Marshawn Evans (now Daniels) in her book entitled Believe Bigger. I read this a few months ago; however, I do recall the first man she was to marry was still dealing with his ex-wife, who told her days before her own marriage/wedding. She broke it off and later got blessed with the man of her dreams. Yet in the book I read, I do not recall this happening, but Faith tells it and how she had triplets. I had to look on Google to see such a beautiful thing coming to fruition or pass for Marshawn. This is great!
Past or Peace, this is the truth. People hold on their past relationships, unable to let go, and forgive, and get that peace that surpass all understanding! Tell it Faith! Reclaim your power.
She shares her relationships, and others she had to work with as a Judge (divorce court), then mentions Marshawn Evans (now Daniels) in her book entitled Believe Bigger. I read this a few months ago; however, I do recall the first man she was to marry was still dealing with his ex-wife, who told her days before her own marriage/wedding. She broke it off and later got blessed with the man of her dreams. Yet in the book I read, I do not recall this happening, but Faith tells it and how she had triplets. I had to look on Google to see such a beautiful thing coming to fruition or pass for Marshawn. This is great!
Past or Peace, this is the truth. People hold on their past relationships, unable to let go, and forgive, and get that peace that surpass all understanding! Tell it Faith! Reclaim your power.
July 10, 2024
Not as sassy as the title suggests, this was a practical, empowering and super easy read. It was like listening to an honest friend with plenty of experience. It doesn’t discourage relationships or marriage, but rather refocuses sights on the important and the enduring. I finished it and found myself re-reading chapters at times. I’ve recommended it to many friends. I particularly appreciated the God-focused and faith-centred approach, which was relatable but not preachy.
The only thing I’d say is that the author is a highly successful attorney, surrounded by a helpful and flourishing community. Therefore, some of her optimism about ‘manifesting’ the right person is not realistic or applicable to all women. We can rewrite our beliefs, but we don’t all have the same doors. I think this is important to recognise.
The only thing I’d say is that the author is a highly successful attorney, surrounded by a helpful and flourishing community. Therefore, some of her optimism about ‘manifesting’ the right person is not realistic or applicable to all women. We can rewrite our beliefs, but we don’t all have the same doors. I think this is important to recognise.
February 9, 2022
Eye Opening and Reassuring
I really enjoyed this book. I was hesitant to read it because I am currently dealing with the end of my marriage. And many of the feelings and mj dsets Faith addresses I am currently facing. But this book helped me to look at things differently and be hopeful. Hopeful, for a better future and being the best person so I can attract people in my life that add to it. I am far from being ready for another relationship but when I do decide to I know I won’t bring the baggage from my past relationships with me.
I also loved all the “Mama-isms” I needed to hear. I loved the analogies and many made me laugh and share with my sister.
Thank you Faith for writing this book!
Sn: The show “Killer Relationships “ on Oxygen is becoming one if my favs!
I really enjoyed this book. I was hesitant to read it because I am currently dealing with the end of my marriage. And many of the feelings and mj dsets Faith addresses I am currently facing. But this book helped me to look at things differently and be hopeful. Hopeful, for a better future and being the best person so I can attract people in my life that add to it. I am far from being ready for another relationship but when I do decide to I know I won’t bring the baggage from my past relationships with me.
I also loved all the “Mama-isms” I needed to hear. I loved the analogies and many made me laugh and share with my sister.
Thank you Faith for writing this book!
Sn: The show “Killer Relationships “ on Oxygen is becoming one if my favs!
February 20, 2023
The book I should have read years ago
This book is phenomenal. If I read this book years ago, I would have saved myself from lots of heartbreak. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t have recognized the lessons. Faith is not only sharing her life, mistakes, and lessons learned but she is also dropping gems, and bringing in knowledge from experts into the mix. I read this book in 7 days and I wish all single women will read it and glean from it. Sis, don’t settle! My pledge: I am a high valued woman who will meet her high valued husband.
Thank you Faith for your transparency and gems. May God bless you and your family.
This book is phenomenal. If I read this book years ago, I would have saved myself from lots of heartbreak. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t have recognized the lessons. Faith is not only sharing her life, mistakes, and lessons learned but she is also dropping gems, and bringing in knowledge from experts into the mix. I read this book in 7 days and I wish all single women will read it and glean from it. Sis, don’t settle! My pledge: I am a high valued woman who will meet her high valued husband.
Thank you Faith for your transparency and gems. May God bless you and your family.
December 29, 2022
As a younger woman in my early 20s this was definitely a book I needed to read early. I learned so much about the standards I need to be setting now when dating and the ways I should be carrying myself to not only have someone love me but to learn how to love myself. I’d definitely recommend, faith is very transparent honest and she is t biased towards just women because she points out her own flaws in dating. Great dating,self love book, and it has affirmations and exercises to try for yourself. Love it! 10/10
March 15, 2023
****Audiobook****
This was such a good book by author Faith Jenkins, and I do remember her from Divorce court too.
So down to earth, very palatable, not a bunch of nonsense and straight to the point. Her lessons on love are our own lessons, and I understood fully with some of them because they are my past stories as well.
Faith's book is about being in going no where relationships and how to move past them and how to position and prepare yourself (if you're looking that is) to opening yourself up to finally receive your forever love.
Well Until My Next Review...Ciao!
This was such a good book by author Faith Jenkins, and I do remember her from Divorce court too.
So down to earth, very palatable, not a bunch of nonsense and straight to the point. Her lessons on love are our own lessons, and I understood fully with some of them because they are my past stories as well.
Faith's book is about being in going no where relationships and how to move past them and how to position and prepare yourself (if you're looking that is) to opening yourself up to finally receive your forever love.
Well Until My Next Review...Ciao!
April 22, 2023
3.5 stars rounded up. I don’t typically read self-help or advice books as I feel like most of the information is pretty cliche or redundant. This book had some of that but there were also some real gems throughout. Specifically, the 4 Facts and Before I Do questions which I found to be really insightful. Judge Faith is relatable and enthusiastic as a narrator (I listened to the audiobook version) and I enjoyed hearing stories about the couples she saw on divorce court. Overall, I got what I needed from this book and would recommend it to friends who are interested.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews