The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby's First Year

by Dawn Dais

"Dawn Dais bravely goes where other baby books don't.... She spills the truth about everything from breastfeeding to getting along with your partner post-baby." — Parents  Magazine There comes a time in every new mother’s life when she realizes that all the pregnancy well-wishes and baby shower gifts left her profoundly unqualified for the realities of life with a newborn. Who knew there would be so much crying—and how much of that crying would be coming from the mom? Bestselling author Dawn Dais believes that a vast conspiracy exists to hide the truth about parenting from expectant mothers for fear that if the truth got out, women would (1) stop having babies or (2) stop bringing them home. Eschewing the adorableness that oozes out of other parenting books, Dais offers real advice from real moms—along with hilarious anecdotes, tips, and the encouragement every new mom needs to survive the first year of parenthood. Revised and updated with new chapters offering advice for single moms and tips for partners, The Sh!t No One Tells You is a must-have companion for every new mother’s sleepless nights and poop-filled days.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Humor, Audiobook, Self Help, Childrens, Reference

288 pages, Paperback

Published November 9, 2021

About the author

Dawn Dais is a freelance writer, designer, and filmmaker from Sacramento, CA. Her two previous books, The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women and The Noncyclist's Guide to the Century and Other Road Races, were published by Seal Press, have topped Amazon.com best-seller lists, and have been featured by countless TV and print media sources. Her uniquely sarcastic yet inspiring tone has entertained and guided an enthusiastic core of readers towards their various ridiculous athletic goals. Dais has a popular website, dreaminmotion.net, which has 5,000 members and features downloadable training plans, blogging, and run tracking. Her first film recently received national distribution. Dais lives in Sacramento, CA, with her partner and one-year-old daughter, Vivian.

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

VACCINES AND AUTISM IS FALSE. IT'S A FALSE FUCKING LINK. YOU LOSE STARS FOR THAT BULLSHIT. GODDAMN, YOU'RE A PUBLISHED WRITER AND YOU STILL THINK IT'S OKAY TO GIVE EQUAL TIME TO PEOPLE BELIEVING LIES. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

two stars for otherwise funny and relatable writing, but you lose two for LETTING PEOPLE LIE ABOUT AUTISM LINKING TO VACCINATIONS.

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

Everything was going fine until we got to the chapter on vaccines.

I'm instantly rating down any book that suggests vaccines are anything but incredibly important, life-saving tools that DON'T HAVE ANY LINK TO AUTISM. The author eventually does say she vaccinated her kid, but only after going on about how vaccines are really uncertain and your best bet is to talk to your friends and research on Google. NOPE.

In this age of Trump and all his yahoo anti-vaxxers, I'm doubling down on science.

[Sim Kern · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this book was kinda cute until I got to the chapter about vaccination. You know what's not cute? Legitimizing the deadly ignorance of anti-vaxers.

[Lloyd · Rating 1 out of 5]

We're expecting our 3rd child in 7 weeks, so I wanted to get the new born parental juices flowing again. I made it a quarter through the book. Nothing could have led me to run back to the arms of the classics faster.
* Swearing isn't funny in itself, though what did I expect with the title.
* Echo chamber of a half dozen 30 something mothers.
* Doesn't lead with her parenting philosophies, tones and styles that resonate with the author.
* There are many almost insights drowned in this "I'm an expert now" memoir.
* As is no surprise with the no research, there are no references, no jumping off points to learn more about a topic if you have questions.
* As another reviewer describes this is The Sh!t People Told You But You Have To Experience It book, making it one more girlfriend telling you how it will be.

I couldn't get beyond the shallow chapter "Your Newborn Is Not Cute". At least the author could have described some of the trauma and conditions that newborns quickly heal from. Or provided some research that backs what could be the interesting psychology of parental instincts.

I had already endured the "steal from the hospital" chapter. What if you have different morals or later need to source alternatives to the products?

The author was fortunate that adjusting her own diet allowed her daughter to feed. It probably would have improved the book if she term dropped acid reflux, GERDS, colic, and the expensive lactose free and even milk protein free formula.

The depression chapter is depressing. How can such a chapter not speak to one of the most significant symptoms, unreasonable fear. A tell tale sign of postpartum depression is fixated fears on improbable events -- seeking fear.

I likely would have rated it 2-3, but then I read reviews that the book includes a platform for not immunizing. That sh!t isn't funny and this crazy train is responsible for outbreaks of diseases in Canada and the US that would otherwise have been eradicated.

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

Vaccines should not be optional.

Also, it is more like The Shit That Everyone Has Already Told You As Soon As You Got Pregnant.

[Ciara · Rating 2 out of 5]

pretty meh. with a rather misleading title. i don't think there was anything in here that was anything i wasn't forewarned of one way or another. a more accurate title might be "the shit that people try to warn you about but that you just can't understand until you actually have a baby". like, everyone tells you, "sleep now because you'll never be sleeping again!" not only is that not really true in a some cases (i don't want to brag, but i must say that i get plenty of sleep most nights), but it's just not really something you can comprehend before you're in the midst of it. other topics include things like "your baby will poop a lot," "no one really thinks your kid is as cute as you do," & "breastfeeding is hard". i feel like most people know all this?

i wish this book covered some of the stuff that, no, really, no one tells you. like "don't buy any sleepers that close with snaps up the leg if there are zipper sleepers available. TRUST ME." or, "it's okay to read a grown-up book while your kid is playing."

the book was kind of funny, but employed the word "whooha" waaaaay too many times. dude. just say "vagina". or "hooha," if you really insist on being cute about it. no need for the silent W. that was really distracting & annoying. in the chapters on baby sleep, the author also states categorically that she is against co-sleeping. okay? different strokes for different folks & everything, but why bring it up just to shit on it? she also devotes an entire chapter to the decision about whether to vaccinate or not, like it's just another consumer choice you can make, like whether or not to buy organic bananas. i have become weirdly gung ho about vaccination since i had a kid, i admit, but i'd prefer that she not bring it up at all rather than try to portray non-vaccinating as a perfectly viable option that is available once you have done your due diligence on wingnut websites where people still think vaccinations cause autism (which one contributer to this book repeats--ugh).

& one more thing: while reading this book, it was clear that a lot of the advice/insight was geared toward older kids. it's billed as a book about baby's first year, but my baby will be a year old tomorrow & there were references to all kinds of crap that she's not doing yet. i think this is probably a function of the moms who contributed just kind of blanking on when exactly a baby starts doing stuff. if someone sat me down & was like, "baby's first three months: go," i would probably get confused & mention all kinds of crap ramona wasn't doing until she was six months old or whatever. it just all becomes a blur after a while (& it doesn't take long). so i get it, but it was still kind of annoying.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could have written this book. Every word (except the vaccines chapter because OMG GET OVER YOURSELF AND JUST VAX YOUR KIDS JESUS PLEASE). It's not so useful for knowledge, but supremely important for solidarity.

[Chloe A-L · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book fucking sucks dude. It’s fatphobic, boring, in many cases really dismissive of actual problems, weirdly heteronormative for a book written by a lady whose raising a child with another woman, and yes, the vaccinations chapter should be legitimately illegal. No, you can’t choose whether or not to vaccinate your kids based on gut feelings. NO, VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM, and autism isn’t WORSE THAT POLIO. ITS NOT “THE LIGHT LEAVING CHILDS EYES.” You know why people are guilting you about considering not vaccinating your kids? Because it’s a stupid, selfish, anti-science, And most of all STUPID thing to do.

[Elizabeth Shaw · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really expecting this book to be a lot more enjoyable than it was. There are a couple of points I'd like to make on how it disappointed me. For one, I thought the humor was pretty forced. There were a lot of jokes that just weren't really funny, the kind of jokes I am subject to often as a new mom and just kind of pretend to laugh at and move on with my day. Also, I read this when my son was 4 months old. And honestly, I found it very discouraging. I am so glad I didn't read it before I actually had a baby. It was insanely dramatic - and I know it was intended on being sarcastic but I think it was a little over the top. At one point it mentioned how you were going to have to change the changing pad cover 15 times in a day - I don't think my baby has even destroyed a changing pad cover or any similar surface 15 times in the 4 months he's been around. I know it's trying to make the point that parenting is hard, but it's not nearly as terrible as this book makes it out to seem (I.e it said it will take you 5 months to read a book and I read this book in 4 days), and the resounding theme of "don't ever think you have this under control" is something I entirely disagree with. You need to have some confidence in yourself!!! It did have some good points, but overall more cons than pros.

[Samantha | thisbookbelongsto.sw · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was ready to quit this book within the first 15 pages when the author compared lactation consultants to Nazis. It was also incredibly frustrating and not at all helpful to spend so much time telling soon-to-be parents how miserable their lives are going to be once their babies arrive. There's literally a table that lists things that cheered you up pre-baby (a good laugh, a good hug, a good talk) and things that cheered you up post-baby (nothing). Yeah, that's real healthy for women at risk of PPD to read. Like, wtf!

The major problem I found was that this entire book is anecdotal garbage.

I decided to keep skimming through, despite my annoyance, and then I got to the bit about vaccinations and knew I was done with this utter waste of publishing.

Imagine the most vapid woman in a Facebook mom group wrote a book of rants and complaints and opinions... That's this book.

I usually don't post reviews for books that I DNF, but I felt compelled to place a big ol' warning on this trash so that other expectant mothers can steer clear!

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny book until I got to the chapter about vaccinations. Talk to your friends and do your own research, seriously?

[Britt Jerlinga · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some really helpful advice, but the author is whiny and overly negative about everything from husbands/partners to children's books.

She also has little to no appreciation for science. The chapter on vaccines SHOULD read: get them.

There's no "other side" to this. Not getting them in the doctor prescribed order is selfish, ignorant, and quite frankly, stupid.

She's out of her league and it is dangerous to give advice when she doesn't know what she's talking about in regards to anything beyond basic baby life hacks.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sorta cute, until the chapter on vaccines. Vaccines scientifically do not cause autism, and it’s irresponsible to publish anything giving people that impression.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coming from a brand new mom, this is, HANDS DOWN, the best parenting book I've read so far. It is so completely honest, relatable, and even funny. I seriously felt like I could have written much of this book myself because I was nodding my head and thinking "me too!" throughout most of it.

My favorite thing about this book is the author's total honesty and fearless nature in that she touches on subjects that are often left out of parenting books such as baby blues / postpartum depression and a host of other difficulties new parents experience. A lot of things she discusses are things that I was afraid to admit as a new mom, so I really felt better after realizing I wasn't the only one experiencing these things. This book seriously made me feel so much less alone and so much more normal.

If I could recommend only one book to new mothers or expectant mothers, this would be it. For new moms, you will definitely relate and feel less alone, and for expectant moms, you'll get an honest idea of what things will really be like after your baby arrives!

[Becca · Rating 2 out of 5]

The “sh!t that nobody tells you” is mostly not a revelation. For example:
Babies are messy, you’ll have to clean up a lot of bodily fluids, baby gear is expensive, baby books are mostly not riveting reading for adults, teething and sleep training are difficult for both baby & parents, having a baby will be hard on your body and your marriage/relationship, you won’t have any free time after baby arrives... etc.

A supposedly funny book that was a real downer. Also, she’s sympathetic to antivaxers... :/

[Emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

More like 2.5 ⭐️ A friend gave me this after a rough pregnancy and delivery. It definitely provided me with some good belly laughs and validated some of my emotions and experiences. I was pretty irritated with two chapters that had overtones of vaccine hesitancy, gender roles, and materialism. Hence, the rating. I’d recommend skipping over those two, for sure. Otherwise, a silly book to kill time when you have a baby attached to you.

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has the distinction of being the first book I finally finished in about six months, as I was pregnant and something about that condition (and a new smart phone) makes it virtually impossible for me to focus on anything longer than two pages of a pregnancy discussion board debate topic. I have done this with all three pregnancies. My mind cannot handle books, and I know when I am coming out of the post partum haze when I finally start reading something about genocide in a foreign country (which I am coincidentally doing right now). This book was my bridge book, taking me away from the world of pregnant lady midnight online posts to actual pages with numbers on them.

I read another book by Dawn Dais about training for a marathon and fell in love with her. (Funny enough, she's a lesbian. But I didn't mean THAT kind of falling in love with her. Thought I should clarify.) She and her partner have had their first baby and are pregnant with number two (or maybe that one is born already by this point). I still love her, I still think she's hilarious, but this book didn't quite grab me the way her other did. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I had such high hopes and interest that I aimed my expectations too high. Maybe it was because I was reading about her first year with her first baby, and I was experiencing my third baby (in my experience, way freaking easier than the first was), and so I couldn't relate like I may have seven years ago after my first.

This book was divided into a bunch a chapters about all the crappy things that happen to you when you have a baby - your body sucks, breastfeeding is hard, you don't sleep, you lose your mind, you fight with your partner, you cry a lot, blah blah blah... They were true, and entertaining, and... just a tad TOO negative for me. I kept waiting for the chapter of redemption, where she said "yep it's really hard having a baby, but guess what? Something awesome is about to happen to you too, and let me tell you my experience with loving motherhood, which is the following...." She scattered in positivity here and there, but it wasn't enough for me. I felt a little depressed, like yeah... my life does suck right now!, even when it didn't. This made less than fulfilling. Even my genocide book ended with the author finding peace, forgiveness and happiness. And her entire family was murdered, so...if you can find happiness after that, surely we moms can find happiness amidst a few sleepless night, right?

If you like Dawn Dais (as I do) I wouldn't not recommend this book, but I won't be going out of my way to encourage people to pick it up like I do her marathon training book.

[Leonard · Rating 2 out of 5]

Since I'm a 65 year old male you probably won't be too shocked and surprised when I tell you that I don't actually read very many books about having a baby. However I thought this one looked promising and it did have some original humor in it. However much of the humor was forced and unnatural. Each one of the thankfully brief chapters begins with an illustration and some listed statements that are supposed to be funny (some are) and that did trigger my interest into checking the book out of the library and looking at it more closely. I read the first 50 or so pages thoroughly and then shifted into my high-speed skimming of the rest of the book, and I don't feel that I missed much. Of course I don't see a baby in my near future either. I did note however that the author, unfortunately, "fertilized" some of the common and mistaken information about the dangers of vaccinations. While reading this I had to think of the movie, "Knocked Up" which also including as legitimate humor, cliches, exaggerations, and forced laughs that were supposed to pass as funny. I would suggest that if you are planning to reproduce you might want to read this before conception, because it is not a positive optimistic look at having a baby. After conception most of the information in this book is just too late to be of much use.

[Ira · Rating 1 out of 5]

I cringe every time I remember that I spent $18 to listen to this in audiobook format. A wasted $18 to listen to a woman complain about motherhood the WHOLE TIME. Her humor just wasn’t funny to me. I wanted to listen to a pregnancy book that was light hearted and funny but I maybe chuckled only twice throughout the entirety of the book. If you want to read or listen to a book about a Mom complaining the whole time about being a parent, this is for you.

[cassie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mandatory reading for new (or about to be) first-time moms.

[Daphne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never laughed so hard and with increasing fervor as I did about reading the chapter about children's books, which prompted me to write this review. I was like, "I don't even need to finish reading this book to know that it's a favorite and 'would recommend.'" I have been having many moments of laughing aloud, as a first time Mom-to-be, but chapter 13 was the cherry on top of a very emotional this-is-what-eight-months-pregnant-feels-like, week.

I think that Dawn's take on motherhood is down to Earth as well as one woman's experience of the transition period between living child free and being literally with child. So for those folks who are disgruntled about "the vaccination chapter," I would say, "read a second book!" Dawn's book is not a bible nor is it an excerpt from a law text and shouldn't be treated like one. It's clear that folks feel very passionately about the topic of vaccination. But I think that anyone with a brain or even someone who made it that far into the book, is probably going to read ANOTHER BOOK about vaccinations to make whatever decision they're going to make. And like MOST parenting decisions, probably don't want to hear from everyone else about their parenting choices.

I recommend this book because as I go wide-eyed into labor and delivery, the author said exactly what I needed to hear and gave me permission to freak out.

[Neha Sardesai · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good advice, quite a lot of complaining.

This book does offer some advice that makes you feel like you’re not a failure of a mother and you’re just figuring things out one step at a time like e everyone else... but I’m not a fan of all the complaining. I understand the title says shit no one tells you, but maybe put a more positive spin on things that are already making me feel low!

[Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't usually leave reviews of book; but this was so awful I felt as though I should. The book was mediocre to start- I wouldn't say it's "stuff no one tells you," unless you've truly never met a human child or a parent of a child in your life; but I was willing to give it a chance. Then I reached the chapter where she gives "equal time" to anti-vaxxers and it become tremendously unreadable and ridiculous. Don't read this book- I'm hesitant to even donate my copy on the off-chance someone else would read it.

[Lizzie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I agree with a lot of the other reviews. This is full of shit that you have already heard from most people. It feels more like venting, but I guess some mothers might find comfort knowing they are not alone in their struggles.

[Catherine Muller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oof the vaccinations chapter

[Michael Burnam-Fink · Rating 3 out of 5]

If new parents were honest about what it's like, no one would have kids. Or at least, that's the thrust of this book. Dais has her own experiences, and a host of other moms (the only one I remember is Chipper Jen), and they take you through an odyssey of sleep deprivation and bodily fluids. It is a trip.

High points for candor on some points, like a useful system of ziplock bags for dirty clothes on the go, and Dais' sleep deprived partner coming in to say "I hate you" in the middle of a night of sleep training. Big minuses for treating vaccines as some kind of debatable issue. I guess a lot of parents are anxious, and it's good to be candid about these anxieties, but Dais's implcit endorsement of antivax is enough to knock this book down a star.

[Taylor Love · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do yourself a favor and don’t waste your money. As someone who has autism, it’s so frustrating to read content that acts like having an autistic child is worse than them potentially dying from a disease that can be prevented. Overall, this book isn’t well written and tries to force viewpoints that can be dangerous (like how breastfeeding is best). Also all the jokes about drinking were not funny, and I feel for all the kids of “wine moms” who are going to have trauma later in life. I wish I had read reviews before I purchased this book.

[Mallory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spot on! A wonderful reminder during these first few weeks of new parenthood that we’re doing the best we can. The breastfeeding chapter was a lifesaver during a time when I was feeling very low about not being able to nurse my baby due to an inadequate milk supply. Would highly recommend to any new parents.

[Cary · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a soon-to-be mom, I appreciate all the “real talk” about how hard it will be, mainly in hopes that I’m prepared for the worst but it won’t be *that* bad. This book got me partially wondering if anything isn’t sucky about motherhood, and partially thinking the author just likes to complain about how hard it was.

I will say they final chapter helped a little bit to end on a slightly more positive note, but Im still not sure if I would recommend this book to other soon-to-be moms or not.

I also want to note, like others have mentioned, there are a few problematic chapters. The vaccination chapter is one, but I actually struggled more with the chapter on kids books. I know it was meant to be funny, but as someone whose job is to encourage parents to read to their young children, I took issue with her belittling of kids books. Her attempt at a kids book, to a trained literacy specialist, is actually far more terrible than the books she mocks.

All that said, I’m glad I picked up this book and Im sure in the future when Im on the verge of a new-mom meltdown, I will think back to it and remember Im not alone.

[MaKayla Friedel · Rating 3 out of 5]

My mom got us this book for expecting our first baby in January 2025. I read it and appreciated that it has to offer some funny moments as well as good and sage advice for first time parents. I would consider reading other helpful books by her.