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What White Parents Should Know about Transracial Adoption: An Adoptee's Perspective on Its History, Nuances, and Practices
The White Fragility for transracial adoption--practical tools for nurturing identity, unlearning white saviorism, and fixing the mistakes you don't even know you're making.
If you're the white parent of a transracially or internationally adopted child, you may have been told that if you try your best and work your hardest, good intentions and a whole lot of love will be enough to give your child the security, attachment, and nurturing family life they need to thrive.
The only problem? It's not true. What White Parents Need to Know About Transracial Adoption breaks down the dynamics that frequently fly under the radar of the whitewashed, happily-ever-after adoption stories we hear so often.
Written by Melissa Guida-Richards--a transracial, transnational, and late-discovery adoptee--this book unpacks the mistakes you don't even know you're making and gives you the real-life tools to be the best parent you can be, to the child you love more than anything.
From original research, personal stories, and interviews with parents and adoptees, you'll learn:
• What parents wish they'd known before they adopted--and what kids wish their adoptive parents had done differently
• What white privilege, white saviorism, and toxic positivity are...and how they show up, even when you don't mean it
• How your child might feel and experience the world differently than you
• All about microaggressions, labeling, and implicit bias
• How to help your child connect with their cultural heritage through language, food, music, and clothing
• The 5 stages of grief for adoptive parents
• How to start tough conversations, work with defensiveness, and process guilt
If you're the white parent of a transracially or internationally adopted child, you may have been told that if you try your best and work your hardest, good intentions and a whole lot of love will be enough to give your child the security, attachment, and nurturing family life they need to thrive.
The only problem? It's not true. What White Parents Need to Know About Transracial Adoption breaks down the dynamics that frequently fly under the radar of the whitewashed, happily-ever-after adoption stories we hear so often.
Written by Melissa Guida-Richards--a transracial, transnational, and late-discovery adoptee--this book unpacks the mistakes you don't even know you're making and gives you the real-life tools to be the best parent you can be, to the child you love more than anything.
From original research, personal stories, and interviews with parents and adoptees, you'll learn:
• What parents wish they'd known before they adopted--and what kids wish their adoptive parents had done differently
• What white privilege, white saviorism, and toxic positivity are...and how they show up, even when you don't mean it
• How your child might feel and experience the world differently than you
• All about microaggressions, labeling, and implicit bias
• How to help your child connect with their cultural heritage through language, food, music, and clothing
• The 5 stages of grief for adoptive parents
• How to start tough conversations, work with defensiveness, and process guilt
256 pages, Paperback
First published October 5, 2021
41 people are currently reading
1470 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews
October 24, 2022
A little while back I read American Baby: A Mother, a Child, and the Shadow History of Adoption which opened my eyes to the problematic history of adoption, but also gave the impression that such practices had been eliminated with increased accessibility to abortion. In response to my review of that book I got a comment which shocked me and is largely why I picked up this book when I saw it at the library. I had hoped to get a better understanding of why the commenter would feel the way they did, and I did learn a little about the trauma of adoption for the adoptee even with well meaning and loving parents. I just wished there was a little more as this often felt a little too open and vague. To be fair though this did educate me on many aspects of transracial adoption that I had not considered, and there are further references at the end that I may pursue in the future.
December 26, 2022
There are so many problems with this book. What’s jumping out right now is the total immaturity and lack of professionalism from the author. Her tone is steeped in the bitterness of her personal negative experience of being lied to about her origins. I’d appreciate if she had written a book about her own story and then wrapped it up with thoughts on adoption. But she is attempting to pass this as a professional work based on research, which it is not. Don’t let the citations fool you- she is presenting a single point of view, which (no surprises based on the title) is highly critical of transracial adoption. She cites informal twitter surveys of 50 people that she personally conducted. And quotes from Facebook pages from people spouting their opinions.
I can push through the *extremely* informal and faddish social terminology, the hundred times she uses the incomplete phrase “do the work” without saying what that means, and the assertions about white people (who cannot help their race) needing to come to terms with the “ethical dilemmas” that come with their individual existence. But what made me finally write down some of these thoughts is her insistence that adoption isn’t better, it’s different (p100).
Author: say what you mean. Do you mean adoption isn’t better than a child having been able to stay with her birth family to begin with? Or do you mean adoption isn’t better than a child growing up in the foster care system? Adoption isn’t better, just different- than what? “Adoption isn’t better than non-adoption” isn’t enough because what that looks like differs vastly from person to person.
Additionally, her intolerance of socio-political positions different from her own, and her venomous contempt for Christian people, church groups, and organizations, gives many passages a hateful tone that she could have excised by focusing on facts instead of her feelings.
This book needed serious editing, or for the author to have waited 20 years to write it.
Best material was Chapter 6- Search and Reunion.
I can push through the *extremely* informal and faddish social terminology, the hundred times she uses the incomplete phrase “do the work” without saying what that means, and the assertions about white people (who cannot help their race) needing to come to terms with the “ethical dilemmas” that come with their individual existence. But what made me finally write down some of these thoughts is her insistence that adoption isn’t better, it’s different (p100).
Author: say what you mean. Do you mean adoption isn’t better than a child having been able to stay with her birth family to begin with? Or do you mean adoption isn’t better than a child growing up in the foster care system? Adoption isn’t better, just different- than what? “Adoption isn’t better than non-adoption” isn’t enough because what that looks like differs vastly from person to person.
Additionally, her intolerance of socio-political positions different from her own, and her venomous contempt for Christian people, church groups, and organizations, gives many passages a hateful tone that she could have excised by focusing on facts instead of her feelings.
This book needed serious editing, or for the author to have waited 20 years to write it.
Best material was Chapter 6- Search and Reunion.
February 1, 2022
I can’t even begin to describe how impactful this book is on my life as an adoptive mom and will sequentially be on my son’s life. Know better, do better. I will recommend this book and gift this book to anyone I hear even thinking of adopting.
January 23, 2025
A few highlights :
“Another unique complication for transracial adoptees is that we experience an umbrella of white privilege when we are with our white adoptive family that protects us, but the second we are out on our own and do not have our adoptive families around to vouch for us, we lose that protection; at this point, we must be prepared for the social implications of being a BIPOC. If we are raised in homes that promote colorblindness, we can be left vulnerable and unprepared for the reality of our position in a country built on systemic racism.”
“The theory of cognitive dissonance refers to the psychological discomfort that individuals feel when faced with conflicting beliefs, behaviors, or attitudes. When applied to the adoption industry and the way adoptive parents react when faced with the nuances and sometimes ethical issues of the process, we can see how the need to reduce dissonance can pressure them to avoid certain hard truths like the trauma in adoption. 4 Cognitive dissonance refers to the discomfort we feel as a result of holding two beliefs, attitudes, or conflicting values.”
“The fact that adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide is not discussed." Social media falsely portrays adoption as a simple solution to global societal issues when, in reality, adoption is a Band-Aid for what happens when we fail to support those of us in need.”
“Many programs tend to push the pro-adoption narrative because they see it as the best option for the child and adoptive couple, but it is often not supportive of the expectant mother. When we fail to support women in need, women who don't really want to choose adoption, we are just helping a crooked system that supports the privileged.”
All of ch 9 was great - “Activities, Resources, and More
“Another unique complication for transracial adoptees is that we experience an umbrella of white privilege when we are with our white adoptive family that protects us, but the second we are out on our own and do not have our adoptive families around to vouch for us, we lose that protection; at this point, we must be prepared for the social implications of being a BIPOC. If we are raised in homes that promote colorblindness, we can be left vulnerable and unprepared for the reality of our position in a country built on systemic racism.”
“The theory of cognitive dissonance refers to the psychological discomfort that individuals feel when faced with conflicting beliefs, behaviors, or attitudes. When applied to the adoption industry and the way adoptive parents react when faced with the nuances and sometimes ethical issues of the process, we can see how the need to reduce dissonance can pressure them to avoid certain hard truths like the trauma in adoption. 4 Cognitive dissonance refers to the discomfort we feel as a result of holding two beliefs, attitudes, or conflicting values.”
“The fact that adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide is not discussed." Social media falsely portrays adoption as a simple solution to global societal issues when, in reality, adoption is a Band-Aid for what happens when we fail to support those of us in need.”
“Many programs tend to push the pro-adoption narrative because they see it as the best option for the child and adoptive couple, but it is often not supportive of the expectant mother. When we fail to support women in need, women who don't really want to choose adoption, we are just helping a crooked system that supports the privileged.”
All of ch 9 was great - “Activities, Resources, and More
October 23, 2022
There were pieces, like chapter 3, that had good research and I was able to formulate my own opinion.
There seem to be contradicting statistics as well. Give some information a chapter and you will read something that goes against the authors experience or another statistic.
Ok.I understand that it is the authors perceptive but states seem to be manipulated which is never ok, in my opinion .
I can’t say don’t read it because I think it is beneficial to have your view pushed a little, if you have already decided to read it. But if you have not, this is not a book I recommend to shape your view of transracial adoption.
February 17, 2022
Absolutely essential! Aside from her lived experience as a transracial adoptee, Melissa Guida-Richards’ writing is incredibly clear, straightforward, and well cited. Her work is really a gift for adoptive families.
May 1, 2023
I borrowed this from the library and am going to buy my own copy - great resource.
March 27, 2022
A very interesting read and a take on adoption different than the one we are probably used to. The author does not shy away from difficult subjects, but sometimes it felt like that is all she could talk about. It was a bit tiring at times. I do have to say I learned a lot that I didn't know, sometimes even some very harsh truths. I didn't realized the kind of trafficking that went on for international adoptions for example. I enjoyed the part about helping older adoptees navigate adoption and the fact that no matter how "good" of a parent one is, the child will eventually struggle with certain questions. As a person considering adoption I hope to learn more about the subject and this book is a good start.
December 11, 2023
As an adoption competent therapist and transracial adoptees myself, I appreciated hearing a different side of adoption that is not often discussed. Of course, as the author mentioned, this is not every adoptees’ experience of adoption. However, as seen in my own work, it is many adoptees’ lived experiences. Unfortunately, many adoptees do not have a space to talk about these complicated thoughts, feelings, and experiences, because they are worried about being “ungrateful” or hurting loved ones. We cannot deny that loss is at the heart of every adoption, so we must validate the stories of adoptees who are navigating this emotional wound in various stages of their life.
November 15, 2021
Well written and organized - a must read for those considering adoption of any child. I appreciated the reminder - especially about how you adopt a child and also their culture, history, first family… I also appreciate the parts she provided about how adoptees feel about certain issues and language used. Very helpful! I took photos of the last part - resources to help, etc.
February 4, 2022
This book should be required reading for any white adoptive parent raising children of color. Ideally, before you adopt, but still totally applicable at anytime in your process. (I'm a white adoptive parent eleven years post-adoption.) An alternate title for this book could be: How Not to Be a Terrible and Damaging Adoptive Parent (Regardless of Race). Highly recommend. Audible narration was great, but will need to buy a hard copy of the book for all the practical suggestions, lists of questions for reflection and resources.
August 18, 2025
This book makes an extremely compelling case for adoptive parents engaging with their children’s birth culture and ethnic identity, including learning any languages that are most commonly spoken among people who share their ethnic background.
I see negative reviews of this book being pretty defensive about racial and religious identity. For the racial defensiveness, I think White Fragility is an important read.
For the religious stuff, I could see a lot of people I know being really offended if anyone told them to stop saying God called them to adoption.
I understand the reaction. I know people who feel called to adoption. But I think it’s really important to NEVER talk about adoption as an exclusively positive thing. There is always grief and loss involved, always. And adoptive parents saying God called them to adopt can really minimize/occlude the traumatic experiences of adoptees and show a lot of ignorance about the violence done to families by adoption systems.
Anyway, glad a fellow adoptive mom asked me to read this with her and would be happy to talk with anyone else about it!
I see negative reviews of this book being pretty defensive about racial and religious identity. For the racial defensiveness, I think White Fragility is an important read.
For the religious stuff, I could see a lot of people I know being really offended if anyone told them to stop saying God called them to adoption.
I understand the reaction. I know people who feel called to adoption. But I think it’s really important to NEVER talk about adoption as an exclusively positive thing. There is always grief and loss involved, always. And adoptive parents saying God called them to adopt can really minimize/occlude the traumatic experiences of adoptees and show a lot of ignorance about the violence done to families by adoption systems.
Anyway, glad a fellow adoptive mom asked me to read this with her and would be happy to talk with anyone else about it!
September 9, 2022
This book has value; I'd be lying if I said I knew everything here beforehand. It starts off quite antagonistic, like she thinks she's going to be offensive, but she's actually quite gentle in her follow through.
I have more specific thoughts and critiques that I think I'll save for my therapist. Suffice it to say that my own experience with identity is complex too.
I was trying to think about the white adoptive parents I know who adopted outside of their cultural or ethnic heritage, and whether they would find this book helpful. I think they would, though it shouldn't (and if they have a half decent agency, wouldn't) be the only book they read on this subject.
I have more specific thoughts and critiques that I think I'll save for my therapist. Suffice it to say that my own experience with identity is complex too.
I was trying to think about the white adoptive parents I know who adopted outside of their cultural or ethnic heritage, and whether they would find this book helpful. I think they would, though it shouldn't (and if they have a half decent agency, wouldn't) be the only book they read on this subject.
April 17, 2024
Okay. There's are a handful of things I learned about that were helpful. But overall I feel like concrete steps to help people prepare for transracial adoption were lacking. This may have been better as two books; one as a memoir explaining the difficulty of her own adoption experience, and one as an informative, more researched book.
The Q&A session at the end was enlightening.
The Q&A session at the end was enlightening.
August 13, 2025
Started this on the Eurostar back from Belgium. Eh I didn’t love this. The author was incredibly biased and it felt like she trauma dumped her way through most of the book. It did get a bit better at the end when she started actually giving advice.
June 14, 2022
Useful information, though the writing is not great.
June 20, 2025
Absolutely fantastic. A must-read for all! It offers insight into the other side of adoption. Truly mind bending in some ways. It will challenge the narrative that society has fed us and really have you thinking about things differently. This is a must-read regardless of any involvement with the child welfare system.
March 18, 2022
It's one I'll have to recommend.
April 17, 2022
Alla borde läsa denna. Men särskilt adoptivföräldrar förstås
March 10, 2022
A must-read book for any white folks considering transracial adoption (and/or already parenting in a transracial adoption). Certainly not an easy read with many confronting parts but absolutely worthwhile.
I wish that a book like this existed more focused on the Canadian context, and, as an adoptee myself, I'd love to read more about the experience of adoptees adopting. Overall, highly recommend.
I wish that a book like this existed more focused on the Canadian context, and, as an adoptee myself, I'd love to read more about the experience of adoptees adopting. Overall, highly recommend.
June 13, 2023
This made me more emotional than I thought I would be. A good read for those considering, going through adoption or as an adoptee yourself.
March 6, 2022
Thank you so much for writing this book, Melissa.
July 3, 2022
I skimmed this book and decided not to read it in full. It mostly covers things that I already know, have read about, and have thought through in detail. Also, less of the book is devoted specifically to transracial adoptees' experiences than I expected. A lot of this is just critique of the adoption industry in general, and the author sometimes takes an antagonistic tone without nuance or curiosity about why some people hold very different views than she does.
She also tends to share a monolithic perspective from the other adoptees she quotes. For example, when she is writing about how offensive and problematic she thinks adoption fundraisers are, she shares multiple quotes from other adoptees agreeing with her, but she doesn't include any counterpoint perspectives. The overall message is, "It's icky, it's like buying a child, and you shouldn't adopt if you can't afford to." That's a valid opinion, but others have valid opinions in favor of a community helping a family overcome financial obstacles to adopt. Part of why people do adoption fundraisers is because the adoption system is so broken, and it's possible to critique the system without believing that the parents are buying a child, or that adoption is only for wealthy people.
My goal here isn't to argue this specific point, but to push back against the author sharing quotes that support her position without opening the floor to adoptees who might have different views. Maybe no one did offer a different view, but in that case, I would question how broadly she talked to adult adoptees, and if the Facebook groups she asked questions in had enough diversity of thought to represent a broader range of opinions.
This book is a good primer for people who want to understand why and how adoption can be exploitative, what they can do to improve adoptees' experiences, and how they can change their language, assumptions, and behavior to prevent harm. However, if someone has already been engaging with adoption-related issues for years, most of this will be familiar to them, and the book is sometimes very one-sided, including adoptee voices that agree with the author without representing the variety of things adult adoptees think, feel, and believe about adoption and their own experiences.
She also tends to share a monolithic perspective from the other adoptees she quotes. For example, when she is writing about how offensive and problematic she thinks adoption fundraisers are, she shares multiple quotes from other adoptees agreeing with her, but she doesn't include any counterpoint perspectives. The overall message is, "It's icky, it's like buying a child, and you shouldn't adopt if you can't afford to." That's a valid opinion, but others have valid opinions in favor of a community helping a family overcome financial obstacles to adopt. Part of why people do adoption fundraisers is because the adoption system is so broken, and it's possible to critique the system without believing that the parents are buying a child, or that adoption is only for wealthy people.
My goal here isn't to argue this specific point, but to push back against the author sharing quotes that support her position without opening the floor to adoptees who might have different views. Maybe no one did offer a different view, but in that case, I would question how broadly she talked to adult adoptees, and if the Facebook groups she asked questions in had enough diversity of thought to represent a broader range of opinions.
This book is a good primer for people who want to understand why and how adoption can be exploitative, what they can do to improve adoptees' experiences, and how they can change their language, assumptions, and behavior to prevent harm. However, if someone has already been engaging with adoption-related issues for years, most of this will be familiar to them, and the book is sometimes very one-sided, including adoptee voices that agree with the author without representing the variety of things adult adoptees think, feel, and believe about adoption and their own experiences.
October 30, 2021
Wonderful read that is filled with personal stories, questions for reflection, examples, and a large resource library that I plan to utilize when continuing my education on adoption. What was one of the most powerful things was how Melissa wove her story throughout all of the chapters, as it shows a “real life” that encapsulates not only a story but the thoughts and feelings that came with these experiences. For those who doubt her voice, Melissa also holds a wealth of knowledge, and the more factual chapters include many references from studies, books, news articles, and more. I found the book to be a perfect length to recommend while also including the hard questions and thoughts that are more likely to be present in books twice its size.
The only section I struggled with is the section on terminology and word choices in adoption. I don’t blame Melissa for this, however, as it really is a preference thing. I just struggle with word choice as someone who is extremely anxious about screwing up.
My favorite section was actually the last two pages, with the adoptive parent promise and the bill of rights for transracial adoptees. I love Angela Tucker’s adoptee bill of rights too, and I think both are so valuable for children who have been adopted.
Thank you, Melissa, for your work. This is definitely a book I will be recommending to families personally and professionally.
The only section I struggled with is the section on terminology and word choices in adoption. I don’t blame Melissa for this, however, as it really is a preference thing. I just struggle with word choice as someone who is extremely anxious about screwing up.
My favorite section was actually the last two pages, with the adoptive parent promise and the bill of rights for transracial adoptees. I love Angela Tucker’s adoptee bill of rights too, and I think both are so valuable for children who have been adopted.
Thank you, Melissa, for your work. This is definitely a book I will be recommending to families personally and professionally.
November 25, 2021
Honest and informative. It was emotionally taxing to read but I am grateful for it. It broadened my understanding and empathy. It also deepened my appreciation for our adoption agency that taught us a lot of this before our adoption. I highly recommend someone read this book before they select their adoption agency so they can choose one that is as informative, challenging, and empathetic as this book.
August 29, 2023
This book would likely be best for those just starting to think about adoption. I have followed the author and other adult adoptees on social media for a while, so I was already familiar with many of the themes in the book. I do believe these perspectives are important, but if you’ve been learning from adoptees already, I don’t know that this book will offer too much new information.
July 7, 2023
A valuable read for prospective adoptive parents, particularly white parents considering transracial adoption. With this book, Melissa Guida-Richards offers a rich perspective gained from both meticulous research and her own lived experience as an adoptee.
August 3, 2024
Adoption/fostering is yet another matter that I read about compulsively despite (because of?) its having no relevance to my own life. What White Parents Should Know about Transracial Adoption was written by someone who does have skin* in the game - Melissa Guida-Richards is an adoptee from Columbia who has made a career of discussing and writing about transracial adoptions, especially trans-national ones. I’ll try to summarize her strong opinions on the subject in my own words, hers being unnecessarily repetitive, occasionally ungrammatical and sometimes unintelligible.**
Adoption agencies are capitalistic businesses the purpose of which is profitability in a free-market dynamic that focuses on supply and demand.
If white Americans actually wanted to help non-white children they would use their financial and social resources to keep those kids’ birth families intact.
“Colorblind” parents who sincerely dismiss their adoptee’s race do them a disservice by their failure to prepare them for life in a racially-prejudiced society.
Children are under no obligation to love/prefer/care about their adoptive parents; their “home” is a distant land which they may never have seen.
Guida-Richards makes no secret of her criticism of transracial adoption as harmful to the adoptees. Other books I’ve read recently disapprove of adoptions in general because of the pain they cause the parents, both birth and adoptive. These books share the same weakness, of course, not in their anti-adoption arguments but in their failure to suggest any workable alternative. As long as people can engage freely in irresponsible intercourse (i.e. sexual activity which is not accompanied by the willingness and ability to accept full responsibility for any consequent conception) there will be unwanted children, some of whom will be seriously neglected or abandoned outright. But this book has an additional omission that’s all its own: transracial families are increasingly common, but the vast majority are not the result of well-intentioned white families’ deliberately, if naively, having adopted mixed race children, but rather a of a natural biological parent’s keeping/raising the product of his/her (often temporary) relationship with a person of a race different from his/her own. Education on raising transracial children in a bigoted world should start there. Despite these failures What White Parents Should Know… is a thought-provoking book. I would recommend it had it been better-written.
*readers should appreciate these witticisms while they remain available; when Houghton-Mifflin or Akashic gets around to making me a six-figure offer there will be a paywall
** One such new requirement is liability insurance for anyone in a foreign country looking to adopt who would be in contact with the children.
** access to birth control and sex education were very limited
** the injustices that face poor women of color and poor white women
**the discomfort they and adoptive parents feel of their belief
Adoption agencies are capitalistic businesses the purpose of which is profitability in a free-market dynamic that focuses on supply and demand.
If white Americans actually wanted to help non-white children they would use their financial and social resources to keep those kids’ birth families intact.
“Colorblind” parents who sincerely dismiss their adoptee’s race do them a disservice by their failure to prepare them for life in a racially-prejudiced society.
Children are under no obligation to love/prefer/care about their adoptive parents; their “home” is a distant land which they may never have seen.
Guida-Richards makes no secret of her criticism of transracial adoption as harmful to the adoptees. Other books I’ve read recently disapprove of adoptions in general because of the pain they cause the parents, both birth and adoptive. These books share the same weakness, of course, not in their anti-adoption arguments but in their failure to suggest any workable alternative. As long as people can engage freely in irresponsible intercourse (i.e. sexual activity which is not accompanied by the willingness and ability to accept full responsibility for any consequent conception) there will be unwanted children, some of whom will be seriously neglected or abandoned outright. But this book has an additional omission that’s all its own: transracial families are increasingly common, but the vast majority are not the result of well-intentioned white families’ deliberately, if naively, having adopted mixed race children, but rather a of a natural biological parent’s keeping/raising the product of his/her (often temporary) relationship with a person of a race different from his/her own. Education on raising transracial children in a bigoted world should start there. Despite these failures What White Parents Should Know… is a thought-provoking book. I would recommend it had it been better-written.
*readers should appreciate these witticisms while they remain available; when Houghton-Mifflin or Akashic gets around to making me a six-figure offer there will be a paywall
** One such new requirement is liability insurance for anyone in a foreign country looking to adopt who would be in contact with the children.
** access to birth control and sex education were very limited
** the injustices that face poor women of color and poor white women
**the discomfort they and adoptive parents feel of their belief
March 20, 2025
Meh. This would be good information for people who think being color blind is a good plan. It’s definitely focused on infant international adoptions, more so than transracial adoptions. The information was very basic - don’t say cringey things, don’t be a horrible person and don’t lie to your children. International adoption culture is very problematic. What this book was really missing though were discussions on adoption through foster care, older children, transracial but American families (for example my son is Lakota and black and here I am whiter than wonder bread.) and things people have done right. Would have been good to include some actual research on best practices, interviews with adoption focused mental health providers, and what it looks like when families stay connected in healthy ways. It would have been really great to see a broader perspective. Stories from people who aren’t all torn up over being adopted or being in a transracial family (they do exist) and what went right there. It would have been good to her the pros and cons of adopting instead of being so negative towards adoption. There was a lot of advice on what not to do, and a lot of complaining, but not a lot of information on what parents should do, what creates healthy environments for kids, and how things will be different depending on how, why and when you adopt. Furthermore, this was all really basic information. If you have already started doing all the things to do this thing correctly, none of this will be news to you.
October 23, 2022
I think this is a good foundational book for adoptive parents. (though I say that not as one myself, yet)
I would say that I'm perhaps not at the bullseye of the target audience. The author is clearly trying to walk a line of being deeply honest but without offending readers to the point that they stop listening. For my own part, there were very few surprises in this book and nothing that really felt difficult to swallow. I'm sure that's not the case for many prospective adoptive parents though, and for them I think this book is very important. Perhaps this book didn't teach me any MAJOR lessons, but it did reinforce and remind me of the foundations I've built. And it has them all conveniently laid out in one book.
I do feel like the author's skill is a bit lacking. The book gets compared to White Fragility, but I can't say I feel like the quality of the writing is on the same level. Some of the arguments that she makes don't feel very well supportive. The tone also feels wrong to me. It reads like a Millennial (I am one) writing blog posts. Maybe that... casual (?) vibe is good for some people, making it more approachable. This could be an issue if taste only. But regardless, *for me* this compounded the issues with weaker arguments.
Despite my criticism, I would say it's a very heartfelt book with a lot of wise things to say. Things that seem essential to know and believe before entering a TRA.
I would say that I'm perhaps not at the bullseye of the target audience. The author is clearly trying to walk a line of being deeply honest but without offending readers to the point that they stop listening. For my own part, there were very few surprises in this book and nothing that really felt difficult to swallow. I'm sure that's not the case for many prospective adoptive parents though, and for them I think this book is very important. Perhaps this book didn't teach me any MAJOR lessons, but it did reinforce and remind me of the foundations I've built. And it has them all conveniently laid out in one book.
I do feel like the author's skill is a bit lacking. The book gets compared to White Fragility, but I can't say I feel like the quality of the writing is on the same level. Some of the arguments that she makes don't feel very well supportive. The tone also feels wrong to me. It reads like a Millennial (I am one) writing blog posts. Maybe that... casual (?) vibe is good for some people, making it more approachable. This could be an issue if taste only. But regardless, *for me* this compounded the issues with weaker arguments.
Despite my criticism, I would say it's a very heartfelt book with a lot of wise things to say. Things that seem essential to know and believe before entering a TRA.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 46 reviews