Grief on the Run

by Julie Zarifeh

What happens when your life is rocked by unimaginable loss and grief? How do you survive and how do you keep going?Julie Zarifeh shares the tragic story of losing her 27-year-old son, Sam, in a whitewater rafting accident just sixteen days after her 60-year-old husband, Paul, died of pancreatic cancer. She describes how she and her surviving son and daughter dealt with this double whammy and how she embraced the notion of 'active grieving'. This included a 450-kilometre cycle tour around Sri Lanka, raising money to give disadvantaged Kiwi children new bikes; trekking the 800-kilometre Camino de Santiago; and running the New York marathon on behalf of the Mental Health Foundation.Julie's account of learning to live with grief, plus her experience as a clinical psychologist, make this an inspirational and ultimately uplifting read.

Genres: Nonfiction

Kindle Edition

Published March 2, 2021

Reviews

[Michele Harrod · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was gifted this book by my dear friend, who was also on the Sri Lankan bike tour, and later did the Portugese Camino with the author. At first, I was reluctant to read this, thinking 'oh, this will be terribly sad'. Truth is, I have always run from my emotions, stifled them, swallowed them down - because they terrify me. So all I could think was 'OMG if I suffered the losses Julie did, I would simply have died'.

But start it I did, and to my surprise, while there were definitely tears, I have found it to be incredibly life-affirming. From her reflection on a healthy and joyful marriage, and the dignity which she and her husband demonstrated over the years of their cancer journey (his Part C), and in the way she managed the profound grief of losing him, and then her son, just 16 days later, and beyond that, through her own determination to keep learning and to maintain that vital life force 'connection' as she navigates this new world she didn't expect to find herself in. Her life truly honours those she lost.

Funnily enough, I also have a heart condition, that has become increasingly debilitating over the last year, and as I was reading the sadder parts, I noticed the familiar heaviness rise and swell in my chest, and it got me to thinking: I personally suffered a terrible bereavement 20 years ago, and only a few months later, became so sick that I had to have a stent put in my heart. I remember thinking at the time that this made sense, as mine was, quite simply, broken and it rightly needed a metal rod to keep it going.

Julie had studied the effects of profound grief on the heart, a syndrome known as 'Takotsubo cardiomyopathy or broken heart syndrome', after the Christchurch earthquakes. And this really made me question - is this ongoing, debilitating chest pain more to do with unresolved grief, rather than my physical health?

Let's just say - I ain't running any marathons right now, nor will I be likely to in the future, but having been inspired by Julie's determination to 'keep moving' through these incredibly stressful events, I have been walking every day since I finished this book. I’ve also been exploring the repressed sadness and grief that I can now recognise has sat so heavily, smack in the middle of my chest for the last 20 years, and ways I might connect with, and release that. And the turnaround in my health really is quite remarkable.

I know, from losing my own loved ones, that I would trade every ounce of wisdom to have them back again - but the simple, hard, and ugly truth of life is, we cannot change, bargain with, or reverse death. And grief is the price we pay for loving. And that's OK. Wisdom and deep compassion are what can fill the void when they are gone, after the pain eases, (which despite those days you think it never will, can if you are brave enough to get up and keep going). So whilst I have no doubt in my mind that Julie Zarifeh would also prefer her loved ones back than be an 'inspiration' to others: here we are. I'll therefore end by saying 'thank you Julie, for having the courage to share your story as both a means to process your own grief and to provide others a roadmap that may help them too. You truly ARE an inspiration'. xx

[Jane Gregg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Julie Z’s remarkable story about surviving a double whammy of loss is related here in the most approachable, readable, and pragmatic style. Such a story could have been a very bleak read indeed, but Julie infuses it with upbeat wisdom and profound insight, entertaining as well as educating as she does it. This narrative has a strong message of hope, many lessons for how to find one’s mettle, and is overall just a cracking read! Inspiring and uplifting - yet utterly true. Read it.

[Marie Nimmo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book. Sooo easy to read. Incredible journey thru very very hard times. I loved this book as written by a local lady and lots of references to parts of my city. I think this book will be treasured by me to lend to others and also possibly be read again if or when I am ever grieving. Honest and raw, but also full of helpful suggestions and ideas to help in recovery of loss. I bought this book while on holiday and have read it in 4 days. Brilliant book!!! So glad I spotted in on the shelf in the shop.

[Nicky Hume · Rating 5 out of 5]

Julie has shared very personal and tragic experiences in an extremely generous way. Her account shows courage and strength and an insight in to how one can do their best to work through tough times and enormous adversity in the most positive of ways. The book is a surprisingly easy read given the heart wrenching sadness and grief it describes. Julie uses her professional knowledge and learnings to show healthy ways she found to get her life back on track.
Thank you Julie, you are an inspiration. x

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I live in Christchurch NZ but I heard about the passing of Paul and Sam via my eldest son, who flatted with a Uni friend that he had known from school. This friend (also a Zarifeh) had lost his Uncle to cancer and soon after his cousin died tragically (his uncle’s oldest son)

When I saw this book in my local independent book sellers I knew I had to purchase a copy. I am interested in all ‘healing’ processes following trauma/ loss. I think that stems from my nursing background and having contact with bereaved families following the death of a loved one in a hospital setting. I deeply felt for these people and would often think about how they would carry on with their broken hearts.

There is that saying “time heals” ... but does it?
Is it true?
Maybe it is dependent on how the individual chooses to pass the time which determines the length of the grieving process?


Julie Zarifeh , the author, has produced a book about her experiences of grief following the loss of her “Zed men” as she affectionately refers to her husband and her eldest son.
In her book she shares details about her husbands family as well as her own. She recounts how the two of them met and the romance that blossomed quickly into a happy marriage.
They then went on to have 3 children and enjoy a family life full of fun and adventure. A few months shy of their 30th wedding anniversary Julies world changed not just once but twice.

This book is a beautiful memoir, obviously extremely sad given the subject matter.
The author takes the reader on her personal journey of loss and grief following the death of two immediate family members. It is one thing to lose a husband to cancer but a “double whammy” to lose a son too. The author lost her oldest son, Sam, suddenly in a tragic unforeseen accident only 16 days after her husband lost his battle with cancer.

Not only did she write a book as a way of processing her own grief and to inspire and help others but she shares her personal account of bereavement and how she began to tread the unknown path that she suddenly found herself on.
This amazing and courageous woman took on and engaged in so much more in the time following the deaths of her two beloved family members late 2017. It’s unimaginable to comprehend the challenges she put herself through as part of her ‘active grieving’ process.

This book is beautifully written and incredibly poignant. I was moved to tears multiple times and being a wife and mother to 3 young adult sons reading a book like this really makes one stop and think. It’s not an easy read, but it is a powerful one which throws the spotlight not only on loss following death but that of joy and hope.

Life throws us curveballs and all sorts of challenges. No one is exempt.It’s all part of being a human.
You can take much from the book to help with all sorts of unexpected experiences that knock the wind out of our sails.

We all know of someone that has lost a loved one. Do we know how to be compassionate and supportive to those going through grief? Well , honestly this book addresses everything and so it’s not just a book for those grieving , I truly think anyone can take something from this profound and candid story.

Warning for empaths, a box of tissues will be required to get through “Grief on the Run” don’t say you haven’t been told!

Lastly I would like to thank Julie Zarifeh for sharing a deeply personal part of her life inside the covers of a published book for all to read in the hope that someone will find help and inspiration.

[P.J. McKay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grief on the Run is a compelling read about the power of love and the challenge of dealing with what might at first might seem like insurmountable grief: in 2017 Julie is forced to deal with the reality of having just lost her husband to cancer then just 17 days later, the death of her eldest son. Julie’s honest and heartfelt account will strike you at your very core and you would be hard pushed not to admire her approach in dealing with this unique tragedy. Julie’s profession as a psychologist challenges her to dig deep and to put into action her core beliefs — to walk her talk — but this is one story that celebrates resilience and determination and leaves you feeling inspired by the power of the human spirit. Hard to put down.

[Jill Tait · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an amazing lady (and family) who has navigated unimaginable loss with so much grace, positivity and action. An inspirational read for anyone - going through grief or not. Reminds us to live life to the full and that we can all choose how we react to what happens to us. Also useful strategies for wellbeing and navigating grief.
I found myself wanting to watch Camino Skies halfway through reading the book (which I did) and it was lovely to do so to get a further sense of her as a person and the part of her journey she was on at the time.

[Helen Cummings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an interesting and uplifting memoir as Julie recounts her tragic story of the deaths of her husband and son within 16 days of each other and how she learnt to actively deal with their deaths. Of special interest as I live in Christchurch so the setting of the book is familiar and I really enjoyed the movie “Camino Skies”.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of parallels with my own experience, and I'm finding similar strategies helpful. A helpful read, perhaps even for those who are supporting people who've suffered similarly, in that they can encourage and support the one grieving to engage in the recommended actions.