Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems

by Alexandra Stein

This book explains how people can be radically manipulated by extreme groups and leaders to engage in incomprehensible and often dangerous acts through psychologically isolating situations of extreme social influence. These methods are used in totalitarian states, terrorist groups and cults, as well as in controlling personal relationships.

Illustrated with compelling stories from a range of cults and totalitarian systems, Stein's book defines and analyses the common identifiable traits that underlie these groups, emphasizing the importance of maintaining open yet supportive personal networks. Using original attachment theory-based research this book highlights the dangers of closed, isolating relationships and the closed belief systems that justify them, and demonstrates the psychological impact of these environments, ending with evidence-based recommendations to support an educational approach to awareness and prevention. Featuring a foreword by John Horgan, the new edition has been fully updated to include recent work on political extremism and radicalization and totalitarian systems, as well as the recent highly publicized NXIVM case.

Terror, Love and Brainwashing, second edition is essential reading for professionals, policy makers, legal professionals, educators and cult survivors and their families themselves.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Cults, Politics, Religion, History, Sociology

302 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2017

Reviews

[Isabelle reads a book a day because she has no friends · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone else notice that this book is tagged under “cult classics?” Not going to make a comment on that.
After reading multiple true crime books focused on cults, it is hard not to see all of the red flags beforehand and think “how could this happen?”
This book aims to answer this question, and I believe it does very well. There is no quality that makes a person more susceptible to joining a cult; it could be anyone because these leaders are experts on manipulation. This was pleasantly insightful with lots of science and real-life examples to back up the facts. I learned a lot but the subject matter is heavy so I recommend reading in different sittings. 4 stars of “the world is a hellacious place”

[♥Milica♥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very heavy read, the audiobook definitely helped to process it, but even like that it still felt textbook-y. Which is fine, but because of that I think I'll need to reread this when I'm in a more academic mood.

3.5

[Justė · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is to anyone who is interested in religious and/or totalitarian cults, and have ever asked the question of what draws people in and makes them do inexplicable, horrendous and nightmarish human acts. The namely examples are scientology, ISIS, Mao regime, moonies, and other political or religious sects and movements.

The important fact to mention is that there's no personality type which is more susceptible to join the cults. Certain circumstances in life and world can make anyone end up affected by it. Therefore in order to stop the cults, it's easier to learn their development and methods rather than personality types and victimology. Another mentionable fact is not everyone who gets into them becomes a radical follower. There's a few circles and a lot of drop-outs along the way who are shunned by the leaders.

Written by a cult survivor who specialised in it after getting out (she calls her 10 year long involvement in a political cult "field work"), the book is packed with theories, examples and interviews by other survivors, and explanations of how people are brainwashed and forced to sacrifice everything for the sake of those cults.

As someone who was accidentally ended up taking the "free personality test" from scientologists I found this book useful to understand the methodology, and I was able to use described theories to explain the interview techniques. As well, it helps explain the rise of far right politics and fascism in the West currently.

[Steven Hassan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I strongly endorse this book for people to read to help them better understand the forces of authoritarianism. This doctor of sociology has written a masterful work which brings to bear decades of not only personal experience in a left-wing cult- but as a scholar who wishes to help educate others. The "love" in the title is conditional love, not the real thing, but it does exert a strong emotional force to capture people as it is only when they consider leaving, that they realize that they will be hated and scorned by the true believers who remain. Dr. Stein endorses the term brainwashing and I am glad she has done so in this volume.

[Graeme Newell · Rating 2 out of 5]

“Terror, Love and Brainwashing” does a deep dive into the allure of cults. It attempts to explain how people fall for them, how they operate day to day, and how people break free.

To kick things off, Stein doesn’t just talk about cults in some detached academic way. She was actually in one for about a decade. She goes into the nitty-gritty about how she got involved and, most importantly, how she eventually broke free.

The backbone of the book is something called attachment theory. In simple terms, it's all about how humans are hardwired to form emotional bonds, think along the lines of kids sticking close to their parents. Stein, however, flips this concept and uses it to explain why people get sucked into cults or high-control groups.

Attachment theory creates a messed up loop where the person who's supposed to be your safe haven is also your biggest threat. From what Stein says, that’s exactly what these cult leaders and totalitarian bigwigs capitalize on. They scare you, but then they're the ones pretending to offer protection. It's like being caught in a freaky psychological whirlpool.

The real-life examples she brings into play can be quite interesting. There's a deep dive into “The Family” cult in Australia, and it's both chilling and enlightening. Through these tales, you can see the concepts she’s discussed in action. It paints such an interesting picture of how these high-control groups operate.

Stein leans heavily on science to make her points, unfortunately a lot of it was questionable. She's got this habit of oversimplifying complex scientific concepts. Stein would make these sweeping generalizations that seemed to have their roots in pop science.

The writing was quite cumbersome. The book could have seriously benefited from a more rigorous edit. There are points where Stein gets repetitive, rehashing the same idea in slightly different words.

Another gripe I have is the pacing. The book kicks off at a snail's pace. There are a ton of generalities at the start, and I was just itching for her to dive deeper. The entire book could've been shorter. There's valuable content in there, but it's buried under layers of repetition and unnecessary fluff. It would have been a sharper, more impactful read if it was trimmed down.

To sum it up, "Terror, Love and Brainwashing" was, for me, a classic case of a promising title not living up to its hype. I had high hopes, given the intriguing subject matter, but was left feeling like I'd waded through an uneven mix of personal memoir, forced theory, and sensationalized accounts. If you're looking for a comprehensive, well-structured dive into the world of cults, you might want to keep searching.

[AC · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting — could be much much shorter — and too social-sciencey. The main theoretical underpinnings are set out in the first chapters.

[Isaac Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this is easily one of the heaviest hitters available in religious/cultic literature. Halfway through, I was thinking it was getting redundant until I realized that no, it's just that every aspect of a person's life is affected by their beliefs. So when control of that belief rests with an organizion, there's a lot to talk about.

One of the most basic humans needs is relational attachment, and we will do almost anything to secure it. Since religious belief evolved as a cognitive byproduct of prosociality, it makes sense that it would then present itself as the best source for attachment. When this happens, attachment becomes psychologically intertwined with perceptions of meaning, and communities become bound together not only by how members are similar, but by how they are different from other communities.

This mixing of attachment and meaning not only serves to promote a sense of exclusive truth, but to foster a fear of being separated from it. Religion thus presents itself as the only viable safe haven, and when people enter heightened states of arousal (fear, anxiety, shame, etc...), they natural turn to their religious community. The problem with this, is that in order to present itself as the only viable option, a religion must degrade and coerce its adherents.

Prosociality's primary mechanism is shame, which means that this is also the primary mechanism by which religious thought ensures communal cohesion. As people are pressured to conform, confess, and sacrifice simply because their religious system has taught them to, they internalize deep feelings of shame which cause them to run to their safe haven. But if that safe haven is the same system which caused them shame in the first place, it causes disorientation and an inability to fully process. The right and left brain become disjointed and a person disassociates. This is because their brain is simultaneously trying to process trauma and to gain relief from its learned safe haven. But this oscillation between fear and love makes them unable to make sense of reality and therefore unable to ever break free of this cycle. They seek solace, but it is inconsistent, causing a disorganized attachment to develop; the same community which brings casseroles when a baby is born will expect conformity, purity, and unquestioning support as that baby is raised.

Disorganized attachment and disassociation together explain how a person is extremely open to suggestion, performing any task, and believing any doctrine. In an effort to be deeply invested in their community, these people gradually become isolated from outsiders, having few genuine relationships outside of their religion. They also become isolated from genuine relationships in the group, since the melding of attachment and meaning makes true questioning of the group socially unacceptable. Lastly, they become isolated from themselves, unable to process their emotional reactions to the group while in their dissociated state.

Because of the disassociation and desparate need for their community's acceptance, people in these environments are often unaware of how coercive the system was until they leave. While inside, they may be convinced that it is a beautiful source of community, that it illuminates reality, and that their beliefs are not only fully rational, but the lens by which they should interpret the rest of the world. Even while apostates and outsiders often quickly recognize logical inconsistencies, the conditioning of these environments makes people inside cognitively incapable of doing so.

[Delphie Backs · Rating 5 out of 5]

incredible non-fiction read as someone who has always been fascinated by cults. i learned so much about the psychology of cults and brainwashing. and it helps explain the rise of far right politics and fascism in the US and um arguably cult following of Trump. this book put all the words / science behind why were going the direction we are going and it just literally makes so much sense. well. read it for yourself guys (i recommend audiobook bc it is a very dense read)

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of us have heard reports of sexual assault, mass suicides, human rights violations, and even genocides attributed to cults and totalitarian rulers. We tend to shake our heads then dismiss these events as irrelevant; we are safe from these circumstances, we think, and there would be nothing to gain from studying further. But the truth is surprising. Alexandra Stein, the author of Terror, Love & Brainwashing, teaches us why we are just as susceptible to cult inculcation as anyone else, especially in the anomie of our transient and fragmented modern society. More importantly, she guides us to a comprehensive understanding of the psychology of totalist systems and its sweeping implications, grounded in neuroscience and evolutionary attachment theory.

Witness the life-cycle of a cult beginning with the charismatic, authoritarian leader, their first follower, and its development into an hierarchy, ideology, and indoctrination scheme all designed to wield absolute control over regular people just like you and me. See into the mind of the cult followers through multiple first-person accounts, including that of the author, and observe their journey through recruitment, indoctrination, exploitation, resistance, escape, and recovery. Understand the dark power of disorganized attachment and dissociation, brought on by isolation, terror, and “love”, and why it has the power to coerce regular people to commit atrocities. Learn what it takes to rescue and support former followers, dismantle totalist organizations, and prevent their occurrence in the future.

Stein is clearly a master of her field, referencing multiple other experts and interviews, as well as personal research and experience, to illustrate her discussions. Her use of attachment theory to explain totalist behaviors is intuitive and convincing. Most of all, I appreciated Stein’s immersive explanation of leader and follower psychology, which makes it clear that this is a human thing: relevant to all of us. My only critique is that I wished for a more diverse set of examples: the author draws a majority of her cases from the Newman Tendency and the cult to which she belonged.

[Littleblackcart · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has lots of information and helpful citations; clear, useful definitions for the subject matter; many examples from people's experiences, and takes a totally appropriate stand against the dismissiveness that many treat cult participants with, as well as the idea that cults are necessarily religious.
It is also the worst-written non-fiction book I have read in a long time, which is unfortunate.
But three stars, because it's worth working through the repetition, bad word choices, and oddly organized bits, for the messages here--among them, that cults come in many different forms, that there is nothing especially weak or credulous about cult victims, and that there are some danger signs to look for, both as friends and as possible victims ourselves.
Cults are not something I've paid much attention to, so maybe this book is not unusual here, but this was the first time I'd heard of left-wing political cults (and the fact that the author is a survivor of one added gravitas to this title). That said I do have experience with group think, and nonprofits (for example) that appeal to people in the name of a great cause but primarily exist to maintain themselves.
Leaders are central to the definition of cults, as suggested by this book, and that seems appropriate (and it's certainly true that not every group that is dysfunctional should be called a cult), but there is a lot to ponder about more accepted groups that demonstrate similar group dynamics, but do so without leaders (I was reminded of basic training in the military, for example).
One of the identifying markers of a cult is the promise of a better life and/or understanding. This implies that looking for better things is dangerous, a message that I expect is not intended by Stein, but worth noting.
Stein has a lot to do just with the efforts she's taken up in a book that's already extremely long. But I take away a desire to apply this information to a broader swathe of groups and the population at large; so this could be good reading group material for that conversation, as well as others.

[Tsun Tsun · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it but uncritically echoing Yeonmi Park's statements about North Korea doesn't really lend much credibility to this book :/

[Livewithbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

این کتاب از مجموعه مطالعات میان‌رشته‌ای نشر سایلاو است. ابتدا توضیحی کوتاه درباره‌ی چیستی مطالعات میان‌رشته‌ای بدهم. امروزه برای بررسی موضوعات مهم و علمی تنها نمی‌توان از یک وجهه دانش برای پیشبرد اهداف کمک گرفت. چرا که گنجایش آن دانش برای شناخت همه جانبه موضوع محدود است. بنابراین با تلفیق حوزه‌های مختلف، افق دید وسیعی به مخاطب عرضه می شود که باعث نتیجه‌گیری درست‌تر و کامل‌تر می شود. مانند فلسفه، هنر، روانشناسی، فیزیک و سیاست که در مطالعات میان‌رشته‌ای با تلفیق در علوم دیگر، به قالب پژوهش‌های نو در می‌آید.
در کتاب وحشت، عشق و شستشوی مغزی نیز نویسنده با دانشی که از فرقه‌های تمامیت خواه داشت و با بررسی این موضوع و افراد عضو آن گروه‌ها از منظر اجتماعی و علوم اعصاب به تحقیقی چند وجهی دست زد. که نتیجه‌ی این گونه مطالعات، رسیدن به چگونگی و چرایی مسائل و به دنبال آن یافتن ابزارهای موثر در جلوگیری و یا کاهش بروز معضلات آن است.
در این کتاب نویسنده که خود نیز تجربه زیستن چندین ساله در این گروه ها را دارد که سرانجام موفق به فرار از آن شد، فرقه ها و گروهک‌های سیاسی و مذهبی و تروریستی... را از منظر روانشناختی و اجتماعی مورد بررسی قرار می‌دهد. از رهبری که اداره گروه‌های تمامیت خواه را برعهده دارد تا کسانی که تجربه زیستن در این گونه فرقه ها را دارند.
از نظر نویسنده هر فردی با هر پیشنیه‌ی خانوادگی و روانی در خطر عضو شدن در این گروه ها قرار دارد. چرا که در ابتدا با احساس همدلی افراد را جذب و سپس با ایجاد بازی ها و دستکاری های روانی قدرت تعقل و تأمل را از فرد گرفته و فرد عاجز شده از مستقل فکر کردن تبدیل می‌شود به عضو گروهی که رهبری که در جایگاه خدایی قرار دارد به جای او فکر می کند و او عمل می کند.
گسستگی در سیستم عصبی فرد و بیگانه شدن با «من» قدرت تصمیم گیری را در فرد از بین می‌برد و او دستوراتی را که به او دیکته شده است را ملاک قرار داده و تنها در صدد عمل به آن است. این شخص که سرانجام به آشفتگی می‌رسد برای رهایی از وحشت و تحقیر، جایگاهی غیر از گروه ندارد که به آن پناه برد. همان گروهی که موجب وحشت و تحقیر است می‌شود پناهگاه اول و آخر فرد.
۱.نویسنده بیشتر به چگونگی رهایی از این فرقه ها می‌پردازد و کمتر به علل آن اشاره دارد و خیلی ساده اذعان می‌کند که همه افراد در خطر عضو شدن در گروه های افراطی مذهبی مثل فرزندان خدا و یا داعش و سیاسی مثل مجاهدین خلق هستند. من اما بیشتر به پینکر رجوع می‌کنم که با دیدگاهی علمی به مجرمین می‌پردازد و آن ها را لوحی سپید نمی‌داند. البته نمی‌شود منکر اسارت به اجبار افرادی در گروه ها شد که راهی برای رهایی از آنجا ندارند.
۲. پدر کشتگی با ترامپ به کتاب ها هم سرایت کرده و بارها در این متن شاهد مثال زدن از ترامپ به عنوان رهبری که از زیر دستانش سو استفاده می کند هستیم! اینکه ترامپ کجای پیاز این موضوع بود را نمی‌دانم اما وقتی نویسنده اعضای گروهک ها را قربانی می‌داند لابد یک مقصر باید وجود داشته باشد و چه کسی بهتر از ترامپ!
۳. نویسنده گاهی چپ و راستش را قاطی می کند...از گروه هایی با راست افراطی نام می‌برد که اگر می چکاندی اش تفکرات چپ به در و دیوار پرتاب می شد.
۴. در آخر همان طور که گفتم این کتاب تحقیقی میان‌رشته ای است که شبیه فرم کتاب دانشگاهی است. و خب کتاب درسی خواندن حوصله می‌خواهد.

[William Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cults like the Manson Family, the Branch Davidians, the Moonies, the Symbionese Liberation Army (remember them?) and many others are fascinating and puzzling. One always wants to ask, how could anybody let themselves fall under the spell of an exploitative cult with bizarre and incomprehensible doctrines? This book, by a cult survivor, promises answers.

The author proposes that anybody can fall into a cult under the right circumstances. Supposedly, there is no personality trait or character disorder that makes some people more susceptible than others to a cult. All it takes is the right organization with the right leader and some highly polished manipulation techniques. The theoretical underpinning for cult recruiting and member submission is Bowlby’s attachment theory from the 1930s and its development since then, along with a bit of evolutionary theory, some sociobiology, a smattering of psychoanalysis, and a good dose of 1950’s behaviorism. While a noble effort, I didn’t find the author’s account convincing, and my questions were not answered.

Here's what the book lacked in trying to make its case:

Demographics: the victim stories are snippets from interviews but give little information about the cult victim’s background, childhood, religion, education, mental health or economic circumstances when recruited. Instead, we get relatively incoherent, unedited quotations full of abstractions and generalizations. The author says that such speech patterns “indicate” or “suggest” disorganized thinking, but it could just as well reflect how unedited transcripts of spontaneous conversation appear in print. While I sympathize with the terrible experience the victims had, I couldn’t get any feel for the causes of their plight.

Statistics: No information is provided about who cult victims are by category. This is related to the lack of demographic information noted above. Also lacking are data about the incidence and prevalence of cults in America and elsewhere. Many of the examples cited are from cults that flourished twenty to fifty years ago. I would like to know what’s happening recently and now.

Theory: While much is made of the Bowlby theory of childhood attachment, it was based on study of children almost a hundred years ago. It was basically a psychoanalytic theory force-fitted into behaviorist language, so you get lots of talk about “attachment behavior,” for example. How is that different from “attachment?” What are we talking about? Is “crying behavior” the same as crying? Some of the other social-science theories are more experimentally-based and therefore understandable. Harlow’s classic monkey study is an example. Asch’s conformity studies are another. I found most of the theoretical underpinnings of the author’s account lacking in explanatory force.

Science: A psychological assessment questionnaire developed by the author is included in the book and that is helpful, or could have been helpful. Unfortunately, its presentation does not include coding criteria, procedures, sample descriptions or validation studies, making it essentially uninterpretable. For example, the author reports that if a respondent mentioned trying to leave a group, or having “therapy” sessions in a group, those were coded as “possible abuse or trauma experiences.” But why? Without statistical data, analysis, and validation, such judgments are idiosyncratic and arbitrary.

My skepticism extends to the “typology” of relationships offered. While intuitively plausible, there is no reason to take it seriously.

Definitions: I never did understand what the author was defining as a cult. A glossary with clear definitions would have helped me a lot. Yes, it’s a group whose leaders exert manipulative skill. It’s a group that tends to isolate information and relationships within itself. It’s a group that requires members to accept the doctrines and especially, be loyal to the leader.

But that could describe most groups. According to such criteria, the U.S. Military is one giant cult. Alcoholics anonymous is a cult. Many corporate environments are cults. Grad school is a cult. Most religions are nothing other than cults. The Black Panthers? What about the modern G.O.P.? Did the author mean to be so inclusive? I don’t think so, but I can’t be sure.

Motivation: I didn’t understand what motivates the cults themselves. The author focuses on cult victims, but doesn’t have much to say about the leaders or the apparently satisfied members who continue operating in the cult. She declares several times without evidence that cult leaders are “psychopaths” and suffer from “disorganized attachment.”

That doesn’t explain much for me. Are they genetically defective, or just skillful opportunists? In most cases, money and sex flow upward from the members to the leader, though there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with that. And that doesn’t explain why anybody would submit to obvious exploitation.

Besides those elements that were lacking in the book, some other elements were in too much abundance. These included:

Jargon: Phrases like “disorganized attachment” are invoked on nearly every page. I don’t know what that is, even after reading the author’s description repeatedly. Apparently, it’s a kind of love-hate relationship crossed with learned helplessness. Many similar examples are found throughout the text, such as “unmetabolized memories,” “loaded language,” and psychobabble such as “avoidant reactions of a dismissive subtype.”

Brain Phrenology: Vague gestures toward specialized “brain areas” are used to pseudo-explain various cult-victim phenomena. My favorite was repeated appeal to the “orbitofrontal cortex,” a small region of the frontal cortex which as been hijacked by recent theories of emotion to perform all kinds of “little man in the head” functions (homunculus theory), such as to “decode reinforcers,” without having to account for the intentionality of the brain’s owner. Such interpretations are scientifically controversial, to say the least.

Unhelpful Comparisons: In trying to justify a generalization about what cults have in common, the author would often compare situations that were not obviously comparable. Membership in a self-help group in America would be compared to the plight of child soldiers in the Pol Pot regime in Cambodia. A strict church group would be compared to life in North Korea. I didn’t find such comparisons to be illuminating of any principle.

In sum, I was disappointed by this book. I would like to understand what a cult is and why people join them and leave them, but this book didn’t help me with those questions.

Stein, Alexandra (2017). Terror, Love & Brainwashing. New York: Routlege, 235 pp.

[xenia · Rating 2 out of 5]

2021 edit:
This book is extremely repetitive, with some paragraphs directly stating what the previous paragraph stated. I'm not really sure how this book got published in such a state, but like another reviewer said, reading the first two chapters is enough to get the jist of it.

Also, Pat Ogden's Trauma and the Body is a good place to go if you want more of the neuro/psychological underpinnings of trauma development and recovery.

//

2020:
Nice structuralist approach to cults, wherein it is not so much the content that defines them (spiritual, political, corporate or communal), but rather the form (processes and mechanisms of integration). This is very much a movement away from Adorno-esque understandings of authoritarianism as linked to a personality type (conscious expression of right-wing ideas), and towards a more temporal and affective understanding of identity as fluid and malleable (transformed through psychological manipulation).

This occurs through three broad steps: association, integration and separation. First, one is introduced to the cult. It can be a support group, a political bloc, a romantic partner, any form of social relation, with any number of members. A grand narrative is presented that pulls on one's desires for change, understanding or control. Second, one is called into more and more of the cult's activities, until one's lifeworld is simply the reproduction of this one sphere of being. And lastly, one is isolated from all other actual and potential social spheres.

Sound familiar? Yeah: domestic abuse, alt-right gamers, Scientology, military service, identpol purity politics. As a mechanism of control, totalitarianism is a political operation capable of infecting any political ideology. As a leftist, it's been a relief to find I'm not crazy for getting the fuck out of certain abusive relations and groups in the left.

So, key to understanding how people fall into cults is Bowlby's attachment theory. The cult leader is charismatic and authoritarian, and therefore generates both love and terror in their followers. This disorientates one's attachment system, which can be thought of as an adaptive mechanism for getting out of spooky situations by returning to our caregiver (a safe space). However, when one's caregiver is both benevolent and malicious, they become the source of both comfort and threat. This contradictory affect freezes one's otherwise adaptive functions. Behaviours become muddled. Thoughts and feelings dissociate from one another. Such self-alienation, especially if one is isolated by the cult, is often reconciled by a total integration into the cult.

I know how this feels. It's the feeling that one's confusion and pain is further evidence that one is resisting treatment. That even knowing the truth to one's agony, one fails to overcome it. In other words, that one remains in doubt of the only thing keeping one propped up. The end point of this sad fucking journey is total obedience, which comes often as a relief.

This is the shit that the Frankfurt School fail to understand: that a fall into authoritarianism isn't a conscious rejection of existential freedom - it's a socially induced terror that occurs across the political spectrum. It's being slowly beaten to death by the only person who says they love you.

[°•Annika•° · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐⭐⭐✨
A bit hard, if not impossible, to grasp all the chapters and lists, when you listen to the audio version. But with this book, you'll get an excellent in-depth understanding of all the different dynamics, that form the variety in types of cults. All from small high demanding groups to macro systems of control. From terror groups, to communist china, to small cults, with base in spiritual, political or religion, from all around the world. You'll hear transcripts of interviews from ex members as well as the elaborate research and science behind psychological, interpersonal, cultural and social behavior in human beings. Both with base and viewpoints of members, victims and the leaders.
The book is long. There are a little too many repetitions, more than necessary I think. The transcript of the interviews is questionable the right way of creating understanding, because they are long. When the author comments and analyses details, that is when it gets relevant and interesting.
A book for the reader who wants to get all the way down into the understanding of brainwashing, members, recruitment and the leaders of cults, high demand groups and systems of control.

[Chris Osantowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought the arguments made in this book were incredibly well developed and articulated. I especially appreciated the differentiation of global dissociation vs specific dissociation of disorganized attachment in relation to the group. Also the idea of escape hatch attachment relationship was a really helpful way to think about how people can actually get out. This book is a very worthwhile read. It definitely gave me language to better articulate the difference between controlling religious systems and totalist systems.

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one you have to read slowly. There is so much to digest. I appreciate the author's academic research and drawing from various focus groups. Though she does draw from her own experience in a totalist group, she uses academic research to back it up. She explains the psychological tactics used and the dangers they bring. She draws from all sorts of different totalist groups-political and spiritual-really any group that uses thought control tactics, manipulation, and propaganda to draw one in. This is a must-read for anyone who has escaped a fundamentalist religious group.

[Greta Musteikienė · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great read if you are interested (you should be :) ) how anyone can get involved in a totalist systems. From abusive marriages to totalitarian countries - it looks like the same psychological rules are used everywhere. Author doesn't only use her own experience as a cult escapee, but the scientific works of other authors and interviews with other people who had escaped these systems.

[Larissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit dated, but very good information.

[Laurel · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a lot of info I'd already read, so it didn't necessarily feel groundbreaking to me, but it would be if you'd not studied a lot on cults and controlling systems. I liked the drilling down to attachment itself.

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating research into the cults culture from people who experienced cults first-hand. Overall interesting, even though some results are very doubtful and reflect lack of generalised research.
Q:
My colleagues are an interesting bunch. They are professors, artists, managers, writers, activists, psychologists, teachers, medical professionals, therapists, directors of charities, social workers. Even a record-breaking around-the-world cyclist. But what brings us together – our common interest – is that we all share a particular past. This group with their varied careers have had even more varied previous lives. They were Jehovah’s Witnesses, Islamist extremists, neo-Nazi skinheads, a Jew who spent years in the allegedly anti-Semitic LaRouche cult, a former Moonie, extreme fundamentalist Christians, guru-worshippers, and adults who grew up in, variously, a Trotskyist cult, a sexually abusive Christian cult and an ultra Orthodox Jewish sect. As for myself, I existed for ten years in a state of suspended animation in a supposedly “leftwing” political cult. (c)
Q:
What we have in common is that we all suffered for years within a specific type of social structure – a social structure that I, and many others, call a cult. This same social structure forms the basis of totalitarian movements and states. (c) Not exactly true. Seems like a weak explanation for why the Germany was tempted by Nazis, at THAT time. It wasn't like that, actually.
Q:
It is my belief that societies can best protect themselves through a widespread understanding of how ordinary people can be recruited and controlled, and by teaching people the warning signs and the mechanisms of this coercive control and the variety of contexts in which it can occur. (c)
Q:
As a group we were not crazy, especially needy, or subservient. We have gone on to useful careers and generally typical personal lives (though sadly this is not an outcome that is in any way guaranteed for many former members). I say this because I want to emphasize that the people who find themselves in cults, extremist groups or even totalitarian nations are ordinary people who did not choose that situation. Rather, the situation – or the group – chose them. (c)
Once again. This alllows to move the locus of control outside. Under this persuasion, no person has personal influence on what is happening. We know this is not true for everybody. There are some people who have internal locus of control, who are more prone to choosing situations and not moving along with them. The difference is between the 'I change the world' and 'The world changes me' approaches. Both are valid and ok, even thought the first one lets one implement control even in impossible situations.
I totally believe that the majority of people who found themselves in cults have the external locus. I also believe that not everyone can be indoctrinated. Sects and totalitarian countries are different in that the force of impact on the individual is different in each case. Totalitarian countries tend to build over time the intensity of impact, the changes are subtle and grasdually impacted via social ties. Sects usually involve direct interaction with the individual. I.e. Hitler did not visit and indoctrinate each of his followers personally, his doctrine was built over years, gradually and stemmed from the overall unhappiness of the German nation with the current situation imposed by the aftermath of the WW1. Charles Manson indoctriated his family personally, not through the SS goons. There are some similar lines, such as charismatic leaders, still the differences are what makes it so difficult to escape sects and why some people got out from Germany in time, well before the Reich.
Q:
perhaps you will reflect back on some experiences that you yourself have been through that may fit this picture: a political group, a church or other religious group, a meditation or wellness center, a workplace or a personal growth training program? As this is a topic that is still largely hidden and stigmatized, if you have come across cultic or totalitarian organizations you may not have identified them as such. But in my experience most of us have run into these groups at one time or another or have known friends or family who have. None of us are immune given the right come-on and the right situation, yet those who do become victims are demonized. This demonization prevents us from recognizing our own potential vulnerability. (c) +
Q:
Most of us don’t see the small beginnings, relationship zero as I call it...On a busy street a stranger offers a free personality test, while another pushes leaflets at us announcing a political or religious apocalypse. Crowds – sometimes whole nations – chant ... (c) Uh-huh, crowds that chant 'Fuck your Tower!
Q:

[Ali Shooshtari · Rating 3 out of 5]

کتابی که در جامعه کنونی هر فردی باید بخواند تا با شرایط و خطر فرقه ها آشنا شود در اول کتاب من فکر می کردم که فرقه ها چیزی دور از زندگی ما و منوط به داستان ها و فیلم های هالیوودی است اما با خوانش این کتاب این خطر بیش از پیش در جامعه درونی هر کشوری دیده می‌شود
نکته جالب توجه این تحقیق این بود که در بیت فرقه ها و گروه های افراطی و کسانی که دست به فعالیت های افراطی از جمله حمله تروریستی یا غیره می کنند هیچ شباهت یا الگو مشترکی دیده نشده است این به این معنی است که انسان هایی که تا دیروز وارسته و موفق پنداشته میشدند می‌توانند در گزند این خطرات قرار بگیرند و پس از مدتی دیده شود که فرد کار هایی کرده که حتی خود هیچوقت از امکان انجامشان اطمینان نداشته است .

[Alaina · Rating 5 out of 5]

The attachment theory understanding of cults seems to be a solid explanation to me. I was especially intrigued that the author included totalitarian regimes in the same category as cults (e.g. North Korea, Germany under Hitler). It's a great way to understand how people behave in those regimes, how the whole setup is perpetuated from the inside, when from the outside it seems unsustainable.

[Cassie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating content with a very dry and clinical delivery

This book is very interesting, but at some times it's hard to get through the more clinical parts if you're reading for pleasure and not academic research.

[Joshua · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great content on applying attachment theory to indoctrination. This manuscript is too long and the author theory is better and more succinctly summarized in the author’s online articles.

[Ellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super interesting if you're interested in the psychology of high-control groups and attachment theory, but I found it really repetitive.

[Vibhu AV · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about how cults and totalitarian systems operate; how they recruit followers, their modus operandi to retain them, their management arrangement both in terms of framework and power structure as well as information flow and chain of command. The author, herself a former member of a left-leaning cult, The O., also addresses how some fortunate followers manage to escape, what is takes for them to survive after fleeing, and what society can do to help more members escape and, more importantly, what society can do to avoid people getting into cults in the first place. One important message that she promotes—most important one in my opinion—is to break the myth that “strong and secure” individuals are immune from cults! Almost anyone who is living life, with its blips and situational downs, or even benign changes, is vulnerable. It is not personality vulnerability but a situational vulnerability.

In the process, Stein uses many cults and totalitarian systems as exhibits to make her point. She quotes personal interviews with former cult members, and the cults themselves range in variety. Cults and totalitarian systems can be right leaning political, left leaning political (which was a big surprise for me), religious, personal relations of control, nationalism based (Hitler, Mussolini, Pol Pot), eastern, western, African, even one yoga school, Islamic, Christian, Hindu, economy pyramids (Amway), self-improvement schemes (Landmark), Scientology, Social Therapy—anything and everything really! Trump gets mentioned only in passing, and focused treatment of Islamic terrorist cults is about a total of one page (although Islam based cultic experiences are used all through). This is good because the book is about how normal people get entangled with cults and are manipulated to give up their loved ones and even kill, not just others but themselves, and the book should not be viewed as apologist of cults and cultic behavior themselves, especially of, in the current days, Trumpism and Islamic terrorism.

The main thesis of the book is based on what is called attachment theory. Very simply put, attachment is how a child views the parents as a steady and secure rock to which he/she can return to when feeling fearful or down and, after receiving the loving consolation and relief, can venture back into the world to explore. Secure attachment is normal, natural, and necessary for all human beings even into adulthood. It can be provided by parents, friends, family members, even self. If the initial attachment during childhood was available only intermittently or not terminated with reliable comfort, it can lead to preoccupied attachment resulting in clinginess, separation anxiety, vulnerability to being bullied, etc. On the other hand, if childhood attachment was one of rejection and neglect, it can lead to dismissive attachment which could result in distrust of people, reclusive behavior, bullies, etc.

But the worst type of flaw of attachment is referred to as disorganized attachment. It is when both the source or inducer of the fear as well as the provider of the solution—or the go-to person/group—are the same! That’s what a cult leader and totalitarian groups aim for and achieve with their followers: create an inordinate fear of a dystopian outside world and project themselves as the omniscient, The *only* Truth, and fixer of all problems. They do this by isolating the followers from their original comfort providers and secure havens such as friends, families, including spouses and children, and other groups, as well as from the identity of the self itself. With alternating alarmist talk coupled with humiliation and throwing crumbs of love (“cycle of assault and leniency”), they make the followers feel petrified and nowhere to go—fright without solution situation—making the cult (actually the single leader or the inner most leadership when the leader passes) the only secure place they can turn to, only to be told to do what the cult leader wants them to, including abnormal sexual activities and abuses, sometimes forced celibacy and even castration, even kill others and themselves! Imagine that for a moment and let it sink in.

Recruitment, brainwashing, and indoctrination methods are described in detail. The isolation from family and a condition of fright without solution results in a neurophysiological condition of dissociation of critical thinking and analysis of the fear situation to take logical and self-preserving action (left-brain activity) and the emotions (right-brain, implicit memories)—specifically the malfunctioning of the orbitofrontal cortex of the brain—leading to debilitating inaction, freezing, and total surrender which is milked by the cult leader. This disassociation becomes the signature to characterize and diagnose disorganized attachment, and Stein provides a method called Group Attachment Interview (GAI) to do so. The final chapters talk about support systems for those escaping the cults and how recruitment can be avoided in the first place. However, in an “age of fragmentation,” societal and community education for cult prevention and avoidance can be a whole book by itself. This book is especially helpful to recognize the deceptively friendly, underhanded storefronts which all cults have, and avoid getting sucked into them before it is too late.

[Andrés Pertierra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that I've been wanting to read for a while. I first came across the title 2-3 years ago while thinking through how to frame my own research project. It wasn't really relevant to my research, but I did feel drawn to the idea of political extremist movements, parties, etc., using many of the same tools as cults in order to acquire and retain followers.

After reading it, I think the book has a lot of interesting ideas but I'm not sure that I buy a lot of its arguments.

One of the first problems is the idea of totalitarianism/total systems as a coherent framework. It was understandable that the idea of totalitarianism gained so much traction in the 1940s-1950s, when thinkers like Arendt and Brzezinski first articulated it in the aftermath of WWII. In the decades since, however, the severe limitations of this all encompassing concept to consistently explain regimes that are horrific, but often very different, and which with maybe the exception of North Korea consistently fail to successfully atomize society, have become more apparent. While earlier scholars lacked much if any access to primary sources in the USSR, and work on Nazi Germany was still in its early days, contemporary scholars have developed far more nuanced understandings and have steadily moved away from 'totalitarianism' as a concept, much less one capable of encompassing Fascism as well as Communism. The fact that this is still a central concept in the book, therefore, is a symptom of the deeper problem.

Another, probably more convincing, point for a broader audience is that in trying to make such a sweeping argument across time, culture, etc., Stein fumbles at key points with due diligence. Returning to her use of Arendt, she favorably cites Banality of Evil's depiction of Adolf Eichmann, despite the fact that this book is infamous for getting the case wrong; rather than the thoughtless bureaucrat of Arendt, Eichmann was a conniving and virulent anti-Semite who played dumb for his trial. Another example is the positive citation of Yeonmi Park, despite Park being a well known fabulist (North Korea is awful, Park just makes stuff up depending on her audience on top of this). This also gave me pause on areas where the author spoke of topics I was less well versed in, if I caught these two.

Finally, you have the issue of trying to impose psychological analyses onto varied and complex political systems. I think psychology has a lot of value and can make major contributions towards understanding society. I also think that there's just so much we don't know about how the brain works, and so much has changed about what we thought we knew about how it works, that I'm kind of wary of the brain science being marshalled and even more so the psychological theories being formulated. For such a vast and complex topic, while using archaic concepts like totalitarianism or hard to pin down ones like total systems, I'm not sure how well the book will hold up in 10, 20, or 30 years time, just within its own field.

I think the core problem that I have with the book is that it puts the cart before the horse. This is a sweeping book that condenses a vast amount of information into an overview text that a general readership can understand, but there's enough novel arguments here that really what is needed is the spadework to consistently show that these frameworks, concepts, etc., well and truly fit. I'm not a psychologist so I lack the expertise to judge it, but as a general reader I think it has interesting ideas but is at best a starting point for future research.

[Eustacia Tan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a bit of a weird book to read, given that it’s on the academic side and it’s about attachment relationships and cults, but I think by now you know I read weird books.

Written by a former cult member, Terror, Love & Brainwashing looks at how totalist groups operate and how attachment theory, specifically disorganised attachment, is created and used to control members of the group. Although this book draws heavily on academic research, the book was written to be accessible to the general public. So even though it retains some of the formality of academia, it’s still very readable.

First, a definition. In this book, cults are defined as:

“a group of people led and generally exploited by a charismatic and authoritarian leader, who hold an extreme (totalist) set of views.”

As you can see, cults don’t have to be religious, in fact, the author was previously in a non-religious cult. But through the stories of many ex-cult members, Stein systematically looks at how cults work and how people join. It is worrying to know that there’s not one particular type of person who is susceptible to cults – all of us may be, in the right conditions.

Something that I learnt in this book is that cults operate by isolating the members even from each other. While the group may appear tight-knit from the outside, members are not encouraged to, and in some cases are disciplined for, forming actual bonds with one another. This is because having a secure attachment with someone else can help weaken the disorganised attachment that the members have to the cult leader, thus making it possible for them to leave.

If you’re not familiar with attachment theory, disorganised attachment occurs when a person is in a situation of fright without solution. The cult is at once both the source of threat and the haven from the threat. Thus, cult indoctrination starts with isolating someone (thus severing any secure bonds) and positioning themselves as the safe haven while using fear to shut down their ability to think about the cult. This actually persists even after someone has left – interviews conducted by Stein show that ex-cult members are unable to talk about the events during the cult in past tense or are unable to articulate their experience as memories are not metabolised or processed so that there is a conscious and subjective experience of remembering. These people seem to go back to experiencing life within the cult in the present moment; that is how devastating its influence is even on those who have left.

This book might actually pair well with Cultish by Amanda Montell which looks at language as a form of control in cults or cult-like organisations. Terror, Love & Brainwashing also has a chapter on language, but I think reading both books can help us to understand better how cults work from different angles.

As Stein mentions in the last chapter, knowing how cults work can help with formulating a prevention plan to prevent them from recruiting and destroying the lives of their members. In that vein, I would say that Terror, Love & Brainwashing is a book that we should all read, because we never know if our loved ones will encounter a cult or cult-ish organisations. And know how they work will help us to better engage with our loved ones and perhaps help them leave (or prevent them from fully joining) a cult.

This review was first posted at Eustea Reads

[Emmett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bridges that strange at times ineffable gap between coldly clinical lists and descriptions of cult characteristics and the more intimate equivalents of abusive relationships, and the deeply felt experiences of entrapment and powerlessness, that are difficult to comprehend and articulate - that alone is deserving of the 5 stars. This is partly an academic research supplement, partly an accessible handbook for everyone with useful observations, and handy appendices such as one on the key distinguishing marks between an eye-level relationship based on consensual, reciprocal understanding of equals, and an imbalanced and authoritarian, abusive one. Because what is an abusive relationship if not a cult of one?

Drawing from her own field research and experiences, and psychological theories and research studies on coercive relationships and cultish organisations, Stein argues persuasively that the same predatory dynamics are essentially at work, whether directed at many people, or a single person - the strategies to soften their defenses (lovebombing), isolating potential victims, fostering the conditions of 'fright without solution' which creates a contradictory traumatic bond that closes off all thoughts of real escape. She illuminates the harrowing, slow and subtle and gradual closing off of options that her interviewees suffered often without realising - without losing neither clarity or their humanity. Her core argument is - this can happen to anyone.

Stein touchingly goes beyond psychologising into an urgent, more expansive vein in quoting Hannah Arendt's observations on totalitarianism and society, where the overarching structure of how power is conducted, Arendt opines, relates and is writ small in everyday situations, in interpersonal interactions Where the behaviours of cult leaders and other coercive individuals, far away though that may seem, effectively gives proximity without connection, where 'closeness' is demanded and yet that closeness squeezes out any opportunity for their followers to have a real connection, for communication and the jostling together of various interpersonal differences that make up what humanity and being human, living together with other human beings, is about. This is the most radically generous and self-centred, self-affirming description of 'pluralism' I have ever encountered which "grants each individual a unique view of reality. Through this variety of unique views something approximating a shared understanding of reality can be arrived at".

"The 'web of relationships' in the public realm can connect people in an open, flexible, yet supportive and mutualy recognising manner - opposite to being pressed together in a totalising single truth where there is no space in-between across which to talk. Conversation, in fact, requires this space, this difference between people. Without difference there is nothing to talk about."

"Defining identity is being different from (as in fundamentalist, nationalist or identity politics) can lead to close, isolated systems, with accompanying absolutist values, resulting in the absurd phenomenon of each of these different systems laying claim to the one and only truth. This is a fear-driven response. But defining identity as being a particular part of a complex and changing whole, where one's difference is an integral part of this diverse whole - different with - can allow a reaching over the divides that prevent us from sitting together at a common table."