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Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village
Thinking of a foray to a quaint English village? You'll think twice after reading this tongue-in-cheek illustrated guide to the countless murderous possibilities lurking behind these villages' bucolic façades—from bestselling author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper.
A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and quaffing pints in the pub. How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive.
Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck, and whatever you do, avoid the vicar.
A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and quaffing pints in the pub. How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive.
Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck, and whatever you do, avoid the vicar.
128 pages, Hardcover
First published September 14, 2021
418 people are currently reading
15547 people want to read
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December 28, 2022
Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village
by Maureen Johnson (Author), Jay Cooper (Illustrator)
Having binge watched all the seasons of Midsomer Murders from our Texas home in the desert, I felt like this book would be for me. From my TV viewing, I know how dangerous the county English locales can be, that old folks are as likely to skewer you as to offer you tea (which is probably poisoned). Danger is lurking everywhere and the safer things look the more likely you'll die a violent, gruesome, embarrassing death.
This book literally illustrates the dangers so well, leaving out nothing and reveling in bad taste, bad manners, and bad people to press home the fact that if you have the misfortune of reading this book in a quaint English village, it's too late, your days are numbered, and you are soon to be buried where no one will find your body. I've never been so glad to stay home and NOT visit a quaint English village.
Pub: September 14, 2021 by Ten Speed Press
Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for this ARC.
by Maureen Johnson (Author), Jay Cooper (Illustrator)
Having binge watched all the seasons of Midsomer Murders from our Texas home in the desert, I felt like this book would be for me. From my TV viewing, I know how dangerous the county English locales can be, that old folks are as likely to skewer you as to offer you tea (which is probably poisoned). Danger is lurking everywhere and the safer things look the more likely you'll die a violent, gruesome, embarrassing death.
This book literally illustrates the dangers so well, leaving out nothing and reveling in bad taste, bad manners, and bad people to press home the fact that if you have the misfortune of reading this book in a quaint English village, it's too late, your days are numbered, and you are soon to be buried where no one will find your body. I've never been so glad to stay home and NOT visit a quaint English village.
Pub: September 14, 2021 by Ten Speed Press
Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for this ARC.
December 15, 2021
You know what I was thinking about a little bit ago after 15 straight hours on this cold December day without electricity?
Murder.
No - I wasn’t thinking about going all vigilante on anyone. I mean, I can’t very well murder the weather or whatever rogue branches disrupted the power now, can I? No - I was thinking about my own potential demise.
Perish the thought! (See what I did there? Perish? … Nevermind.)
That’s right. My cold, tired brain thought … hey, Kat - after you thaw, maybe you should think a bit about how you can avoid getting murdered in a quaint English village. I mean … if the cold doesn’t kill you, then surely some plot is afoot in the English countryside, just waiting for your future visit. Better to be prepared.
Unbeknownst to me before reading this conveniently titled book that answers the very question I had, apparently murders there are rampant! In essence - your chances of surviving a visit to one of those innocent-looking, bucolic villages, or “English Murder Villages”, as the book prefers to call them, is basically nil, so let’s hope you sent some vacation pictures to your loved ones and friends before things went all murder-y.
This book, written by Maureen Johnson and illustrated by Jay Cooper, was the dark, wry, sarcastic humor this girl needed after a long day, and I chuckled my way through it with a big ol’ smile on my face. It’s quite short at only 128 pages, but it's a bucket of death-laden sunshine that those of you, like me, who enjoy that kind of humor should appreciate. Who says a little murder can’t make your day brighter? If you like cozy mysteries, witty humor and nods to classic British crime tropes, you might find it a bloody good time!
★★★★★ ❤
Murder.
No - I wasn’t thinking about going all vigilante on anyone. I mean, I can’t very well murder the weather or whatever rogue branches disrupted the power now, can I? No - I was thinking about my own potential demise.
Perish the thought! (See what I did there? Perish? … Nevermind.)
That’s right. My cold, tired brain thought … hey, Kat - after you thaw, maybe you should think a bit about how you can avoid getting murdered in a quaint English village. I mean … if the cold doesn’t kill you, then surely some plot is afoot in the English countryside, just waiting for your future visit. Better to be prepared.
Unbeknownst to me before reading this conveniently titled book that answers the very question I had, apparently murders there are rampant! In essence - your chances of surviving a visit to one of those innocent-looking, bucolic villages, or “English Murder Villages”, as the book prefers to call them, is basically nil, so let’s hope you sent some vacation pictures to your loved ones and friends before things went all murder-y.
This book, written by Maureen Johnson and illustrated by Jay Cooper, was the dark, wry, sarcastic humor this girl needed after a long day, and I chuckled my way through it with a big ol’ smile on my face. It’s quite short at only 128 pages, but it's a bucket of death-laden sunshine that those of you, like me, who enjoy that kind of humor should appreciate. Who says a little murder can’t make your day brighter? If you like cozy mysteries, witty humor and nods to classic British crime tropes, you might find it a bloody good time!
★★★★★ ❤
December 12, 2021
I live in an eponymous “quaint English village”. Well, a small country town, but it is quaint and has all the hallmarks of an “English Murder Village”, which is why it has been the location for a Miss Marple film and episodes of Midsomer Murders, Hammer House of Horror, and Morse, among others.
I’ve not murdered anyone (yet), and obviously I’ve not been murdered (yet), but as a lifelong local, I know the signs. You, dear reader, may not. Forewarned is forearmed.
This short stocking-filler illustrates the clichés of the English murder mystery genre in delightful and recognisable ways. It’s based on a blog post that went viral nearly two years ago, now published with lots of illustrations, slightly reminiscent of Edward Gorey.
It’s written by a USican, ostensibly for US readers, but as a Brit, living in such a place, it was a very enjoyable frippery, though it took almost as long to assemble this review as to read it. Like Hot Fuzz, it lovingly, ludicrously, and humorously satirises the predictable implausibility of cozy mysteries. The only obvious omission is a famous, fictional Belgian.
Image: Stairs are the “xylophones of death”
This book gives advice about how to spot and avoid such deadly dangers. It's vital information and impossible to guess if you don't know:
“You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages.”
The book describes and illustrates the main features of Murder Villages (pub, church, vats, fancy antique shop that’s never open), the people who live there (newest and oldest residents, “anyone who looks out windows”, the constable), and the associated manor (hounds, library, maze, attic, as well as the family, guests, and staff), highlighting the hidden perils of each. Explanations range from two words to half a page, and there are two short quizzes.
Image: “Statuary: They look so real, don't they? So very real. Almost as if they're made of actual people.”
Quotes
• “The village shop: It sells cheese, stamps, tea, and death.”
• “The highest trophy in the cricketing world is literally an urn full of ashes, so you can’t pretend you weren’t warned.”
• “The gun room: Strangely, it’s safer than the study.”
• “You have no choice. You must kill [x]. Sometimes the murderer is you.”
• “Chimneys: Orphan storage.”
• “The aristocracy have three passions: inbreeding, collecting stolen artifacts, and engaging in recreational violence… Beware of any events in progress, especially a dynastic inheritance struggle.”
Image: The village fete is more dangerous than The Hunger Games
I’ve not murdered anyone (yet), and obviously I’ve not been murdered (yet), but as a lifelong local, I know the signs. You, dear reader, may not. Forewarned is forearmed.
This short stocking-filler illustrates the clichés of the English murder mystery genre in delightful and recognisable ways. It’s based on a blog post that went viral nearly two years ago, now published with lots of illustrations, slightly reminiscent of Edward Gorey.
It’s written by a USican, ostensibly for US readers, but as a Brit, living in such a place, it was a very enjoyable frippery, though it took almost as long to assemble this review as to read it. Like Hot Fuzz, it lovingly, ludicrously, and humorously satirises the predictable implausibility of cozy mysteries. The only obvious omission is a famous, fictional Belgian.
Image: Stairs are the “xylophones of death”
This book gives advice about how to spot and avoid such deadly dangers. It's vital information and impossible to guess if you don't know:
“You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages.”
The book describes and illustrates the main features of Murder Villages (pub, church, vats, fancy antique shop that’s never open), the people who live there (newest and oldest residents, “anyone who looks out windows”, the constable), and the associated manor (hounds, library, maze, attic, as well as the family, guests, and staff), highlighting the hidden perils of each. Explanations range from two words to half a page, and there are two short quizzes.
Image: “Statuary: They look so real, don't they? So very real. Almost as if they're made of actual people.”
Quotes
• “The village shop: It sells cheese, stamps, tea, and death.”
• “The highest trophy in the cricketing world is literally an urn full of ashes, so you can’t pretend you weren’t warned.”
• “The gun room: Strangely, it’s safer than the study.”
• “You have no choice. You must kill [x]. Sometimes the murderer is you.”
• “Chimneys: Orphan storage.”
• “The aristocracy have three passions: inbreeding, collecting stolen artifacts, and engaging in recreational violence… Beware of any events in progress, especially a dynastic inheritance struggle.”
Image: The village fete is more dangerous than The Hunger Games
September 10, 2021
Light, lovely and full of murder. Just the way a good guidebook should be.
December 6, 2024
I highly recommend this for any fan of cozy English mysteries - Midsomer Murder, Father Brown or Shakespeare & Hathaway. If you ever added up the dead bodies in Midsomer Murders, you’d expect the villages to be empty. This “tongue in cheek” warning explains the places, people and events to avoid.
The Churchyard - Technically, you’re supposed to be dead before you end up here, but villagers aren’t strict about this.
The Village Fete - It’s like The Hunger Games, but dangerous.
The drawings have a fabulous Edward Gorey feel to them.
This is great fun and a wonderful way to spend an hour chuckling away.
My thanks to netgalley and Ten Speed Press for an advance copy of this book.
The Churchyard - Technically, you’re supposed to be dead before you end up here, but villagers aren’t strict about this.
The Village Fete - It’s like The Hunger Games, but dangerous.
The drawings have a fabulous Edward Gorey feel to them.
This is great fun and a wonderful way to spend an hour chuckling away.
My thanks to netgalley and Ten Speed Press for an advance copy of this book.
September 25, 2021
A playful and charming book! Love this guide and its beautiful illustrations of different ways and locations to be murdered while visiting an English village and manor. There are also quizzes, which I failed, sooo I guess I won't make it back should I visit. 🪦😳
I'll have to see a hard copy of this book at a bookstore. This would make a lovely gift for any cozy or British mystery lovers.
Thank you Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press, and Netgalley for my ARC.
I'll have to see a hard copy of this book at a bookstore. This would make a lovely gift for any cozy or British mystery lovers.
Thank you Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press, and Netgalley for my ARC.
December 6, 2022
Your guide to not to Getting Murdered in a quaint English Village by Maureen Johnson is a 2021 Ten Speed Press publication.
A must for mystery lovers- especially the British variety! Yes, I do love a quaint English village- and of course, crime fiction readers, do know better than to be fooled by the deceptiveness of the bucolic scenery. That is what made this satirical graphic novel so funny. There’s a lot of dark humor, along with many fabulous illustrations, which made this a very entertaining book! This is a quick, one-sitting type of book, and was a nice change of pace.
Overall, I loved this graphic novel and highly recommend it to mystery lovers, of course, and maybe more for those who aren’t aware of the dangers of visiting a quaint English village….
4+ stars
A must for mystery lovers- especially the British variety! Yes, I do love a quaint English village- and of course, crime fiction readers, do know better than to be fooled by the deceptiveness of the bucolic scenery. That is what made this satirical graphic novel so funny. There’s a lot of dark humor, along with many fabulous illustrations, which made this a very entertaining book! This is a quick, one-sitting type of book, and was a nice change of pace.
Overall, I loved this graphic novel and highly recommend it to mystery lovers, of course, and maybe more for those who aren’t aware of the dangers of visiting a quaint English village….
4+ stars
December 18, 2021
You have read the book and heard the all-important advice, and now a few small extras to help you with that all important trip to that quaint picture postcard English village.
What does a beautiful bridge over a stream or brook and the English cream tea, have in common?. You got it – disaster. Especially if combined. Picture it; and then you can avoid it, a crumbling, old bridge that the village folk have tried desperately to preserve, against the cruel English weather. All those visitors piled on top having indulged in one of Britain’s finest treats the English cream tea!!!. Selling thousands of cream teas doesn’t help these bridges I can assure you and then smash. Just don’t be on that bridge when it decides it has held too many people and too many cream teas.
Now for the village roads. The local authorities are not ones to plan when it comes to groundworks. Electricity companies will dig up the roads, followed by the telephone companies weeks later and then the water guys arrive when you have finally covered over the mess from the previous two works. Its a gas - isn't it. Oh I forgot about those!!. Coordination – not on your nelly, why would anyone expect them to coordinate that effort and dig the roads up once. So, we have something that is akin to a bomb crater, but we call them roads and the village ones are the worst. Don’t drive on them, the locals know how to because they grew up with this!!!
As we talk about roads, we can’t forget the vintage car and every village seems to have an owner of one. I steer clear of the vintage cars and brace myself every time one tries to brake behind me. I don’t want to mention who typically drives them because you might think I’m cynical and I wouldn’t want that!!!
Nevertheless, you will enjoy these chocolate box villages, rural settings surrounding them. Just be safe and alert and you will see where the stiff upper lip comes from.
Comments and Review
I thought this tongue in cheek book was so amusing. I get a lot of what the author highlighted. Two in particular. The village pub and the non-locals dubbed the townies. The experience of walking into a local pub in a non-tourist quaint village is one to behold. We’ve all done it, all the heads turn like you have walked in with a kangaroo on your head, the words are carried along in whispers and if there is music or a TV on, they might even turn down the volume. You are eyed with suspicion s the locals continue to sip their cider or ale, until they decide they like you and then you will be treated with the best British hospitality. Just make sure they like you.
I chuckled at the “townie’s” or “blow-in’s” as they are nicknamed by anyone who doesn’t live in a town or city. The local residents think its sacrilege to turn a grade 2 listed building into a yoga centre, nail parlour or anything that is not deemed in keeping with village lifestyle. A church, a local pub and a shop with free gossip is all they need. I’m glad the author didn’t miss this one.
It feels this was largely written for an American audience, but I suspect like me, many people in the UK will have a chuckle at this as well. A great idea, the author pulled out some very quintessentially British traits, pastimes, and sports.
The book length was just right, any longer and the stories would have lost their impact. A very enjoyable short read that will keep a smile on your face throughout.
3.5 rounded up for Christmas
What does a beautiful bridge over a stream or brook and the English cream tea, have in common?. You got it – disaster. Especially if combined. Picture it; and then you can avoid it, a crumbling, old bridge that the village folk have tried desperately to preserve, against the cruel English weather. All those visitors piled on top having indulged in one of Britain’s finest treats the English cream tea!!!. Selling thousands of cream teas doesn’t help these bridges I can assure you and then smash. Just don’t be on that bridge when it decides it has held too many people and too many cream teas.
Now for the village roads. The local authorities are not ones to plan when it comes to groundworks. Electricity companies will dig up the roads, followed by the telephone companies weeks later and then the water guys arrive when you have finally covered over the mess from the previous two works. Its a gas - isn't it. Oh I forgot about those!!. Coordination – not on your nelly, why would anyone expect them to coordinate that effort and dig the roads up once. So, we have something that is akin to a bomb crater, but we call them roads and the village ones are the worst. Don’t drive on them, the locals know how to because they grew up with this!!!
As we talk about roads, we can’t forget the vintage car and every village seems to have an owner of one. I steer clear of the vintage cars and brace myself every time one tries to brake behind me. I don’t want to mention who typically drives them because you might think I’m cynical and I wouldn’t want that!!!
Nevertheless, you will enjoy these chocolate box villages, rural settings surrounding them. Just be safe and alert and you will see where the stiff upper lip comes from.
Comments and Review
I thought this tongue in cheek book was so amusing. I get a lot of what the author highlighted. Two in particular. The village pub and the non-locals dubbed the townies. The experience of walking into a local pub in a non-tourist quaint village is one to behold. We’ve all done it, all the heads turn like you have walked in with a kangaroo on your head, the words are carried along in whispers and if there is music or a TV on, they might even turn down the volume. You are eyed with suspicion s the locals continue to sip their cider or ale, until they decide they like you and then you will be treated with the best British hospitality. Just make sure they like you.
I chuckled at the “townie’s” or “blow-in’s” as they are nicknamed by anyone who doesn’t live in a town or city. The local residents think its sacrilege to turn a grade 2 listed building into a yoga centre, nail parlour or anything that is not deemed in keeping with village lifestyle. A church, a local pub and a shop with free gossip is all they need. I’m glad the author didn’t miss this one.
It feels this was largely written for an American audience, but I suspect like me, many people in the UK will have a chuckle at this as well. A great idea, the author pulled out some very quintessentially British traits, pastimes, and sports.
The book length was just right, any longer and the stories would have lost their impact. A very enjoyable short read that will keep a smile on your face throughout.
3.5 rounded up for Christmas
November 4, 2022
This is an adorable tiny book and gives you all the information that you need to avoid the horror of small villages in England. Getting murdered in one of them seems to happen so frequently in cozy British mysteries that I'm surprised no one had thought of this life-saving guide before now. Having just read the biography of Edward Gorey, I think his illustrations would have been the perfect accompaniment to the text, but the drawings here are pretty good.
January 27, 2023
EXCERPT: CRICKET
What a lovely English pastime. A sport where the players wear nice white sweaters, the matches go on for five days, and everyone drinks large quantities of tea and gin. The terminology is so quaint! Wickets, pudding, bunny, teapot, lollipop . . . Just a lovely, civilised time, with players running around a squishy green field with paddle-shaped bats, whacking a rock-hard ball, thinking about how much they resent their teammates. The highest trophy in the cricketing world is literally an urn full of ashes, so don't say you haven't been warned.
ABOUT 'YOUR GUIDE TO NOT GETTING MURDERED IN A QUAINT ENGLISH VILLAGE': In the England of murder mysteries and TV detectives, no destination is deadlier than a quaint country village, and you never know you're in a murder village until it's too late. No attraction or local character is safe--whether in the pub for a pint, or on the manicured grounds of the local estate for a shooting party, bodies can turn up anywhere! Danger lurks around every cobblestone corner. If you are foolish enough to make the trip, at least be prepared.
Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck, and whatever you do, avoid the vicar.
MY THOUGHTS: A mostly amusing and clever, tongue-in-cheek read for fans of classic English murder mystery series such as Miss Marple and Midsomer Murders, which I devoured along with my breakfast this morning.
I did think the section on the butler could have used a bit more work. After all, isn't it always the butler?
And a note of warning - don't do the quizzes! I only got one answer right, and it still killed me.
Not to be taken seriously, unless, of course, you are planning on visiting a quaint English Village.
I wonder if a body has ever been concealed in the thatch of one of those lovely chocolate-box cottages?
⭐⭐⭐.5
#YourGuidetoNotGettingMurderedinaQuaintEnglishVillage #NetGalley
I: @maureenjohnsonbooks @clarksonpotter @tenspeedpress
T: @maureenjohnson @TenSpeedPress
#humour #practicalguide #crime
THE AUTHOR: Maureen Johnson is the #1 New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of several YA novels, including 13 Little Blue Envelopes, Suite Scarlett, The Name of the Star, and Truly Devious. She has also done collaborative works, such as Let It Snow with John Green and Lauren Myracle (now on Netflix), and several works in the Shadowhunter universe with Cassandra Clare. Her work has appeared in publications such as The New York Times, Buzzfeed, and The Guardian, and she has also served as a scriptwriter for EA Games. She has an MFA in Writing from Columbia University and lives in New York City.
DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village by Maureen Johnson and illustrated by Jay Cooper for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.
For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com
This review is also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...
What a lovely English pastime. A sport where the players wear nice white sweaters, the matches go on for five days, and everyone drinks large quantities of tea and gin. The terminology is so quaint! Wickets, pudding, bunny, teapot, lollipop . . . Just a lovely, civilised time, with players running around a squishy green field with paddle-shaped bats, whacking a rock-hard ball, thinking about how much they resent their teammates. The highest trophy in the cricketing world is literally an urn full of ashes, so don't say you haven't been warned.
ABOUT 'YOUR GUIDE TO NOT GETTING MURDERED IN A QUAINT ENGLISH VILLAGE': In the England of murder mysteries and TV detectives, no destination is deadlier than a quaint country village, and you never know you're in a murder village until it's too late. No attraction or local character is safe--whether in the pub for a pint, or on the manicured grounds of the local estate for a shooting party, bodies can turn up anywhere! Danger lurks around every cobblestone corner. If you are foolish enough to make the trip, at least be prepared.
Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck, and whatever you do, avoid the vicar.
MY THOUGHTS: A mostly amusing and clever, tongue-in-cheek read for fans of classic English murder mystery series such as Miss Marple and Midsomer Murders, which I devoured along with my breakfast this morning.
I did think the section on the butler could have used a bit more work. After all, isn't it always the butler?
And a note of warning - don't do the quizzes! I only got one answer right, and it still killed me.
Not to be taken seriously, unless, of course, you are planning on visiting a quaint English Village.
I wonder if a body has ever been concealed in the thatch of one of those lovely chocolate-box cottages?
⭐⭐⭐.5
#YourGuidetoNotGettingMurderedinaQuaintEnglishVillage #NetGalley
I: @maureenjohnsonbooks @clarksonpotter @tenspeedpress
T: @maureenjohnson @TenSpeedPress
#humour #practicalguide #crime
THE AUTHOR: Maureen Johnson is the #1 New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of several YA novels, including 13 Little Blue Envelopes, Suite Scarlett, The Name of the Star, and Truly Devious. She has also done collaborative works, such as Let It Snow with John Green and Lauren Myracle (now on Netflix), and several works in the Shadowhunter universe with Cassandra Clare. Her work has appeared in publications such as The New York Times, Buzzfeed, and The Guardian, and she has also served as a scriptwriter for EA Games. She has an MFA in Writing from Columbia University and lives in New York City.
DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village by Maureen Johnson and illustrated by Jay Cooper for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.
For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com
This review is also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...
September 11, 2021
Whatever you need to know about this book is in the title itself. It’s a guidebook to survival in an English village.
As you already know from the various crime mysteries and detective stories set in this distinct site, anything that can happen will happen, and no place is truly safe. This travelogue includes not just survival tips but also quizzes you on situations you might encounter and marks you on your response. As you make your way through every funny titbit of warning about English villages, you will find yourself laughing and nodding along at the memory of the same trope being used in some mystery novel you read. Unfortunately, reading this book would also mean that now onwards, whenever you read a cosy mystery, you have an insider view of the setup and will be able to see twists coming a mile away.
Anyone who loves cosy mysteries is sure to connect to every single one of the points mentioned in this funny little book. Right from village ponds to church towers, private rooms to public places, family members to village residents, this illustrated novella provides a detailed guide on how to escape with your life and limbs intact if you ever happen to visit any English village, the quintessential locale for murders and mysteries galore.
As I progressed through the book, there was a sense of déjà vu as the content seemed to be getting more familiar. Then came a line that I remember guffawing at when I had first encountered it: “Stairs are the xylophones of death.” A quick Google search revealed the source article written by author Maureen Johnson on the crimereads.com website in early 2020. I just read through this article again and it’s like the precursor of this book. So you could take a look at that article as a kind of sampler. If you enjoy it, you’ll definitely find the book even funnier for it has lots more content to offer.
Anyone who has a weird, twisted sense of humour (like Yours Truly here!) will ENJOY this book. The humour is very tongue in cheek and the BW illustrations (with a sprinkling of BLOOD-red wherever necessary) add a dash of spice to the ominous Baedeker. Pick it up when you are in the mood for a quick, light-hearted read.
Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for the ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review.
***********************
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As you already know from the various crime mysteries and detective stories set in this distinct site, anything that can happen will happen, and no place is truly safe. This travelogue includes not just survival tips but also quizzes you on situations you might encounter and marks you on your response. As you make your way through every funny titbit of warning about English villages, you will find yourself laughing and nodding along at the memory of the same trope being used in some mystery novel you read. Unfortunately, reading this book would also mean that now onwards, whenever you read a cosy mystery, you have an insider view of the setup and will be able to see twists coming a mile away.
Anyone who loves cosy mysteries is sure to connect to every single one of the points mentioned in this funny little book. Right from village ponds to church towers, private rooms to public places, family members to village residents, this illustrated novella provides a detailed guide on how to escape with your life and limbs intact if you ever happen to visit any English village, the quintessential locale for murders and mysteries galore.
As I progressed through the book, there was a sense of déjà vu as the content seemed to be getting more familiar. Then came a line that I remember guffawing at when I had first encountered it: “Stairs are the xylophones of death.” A quick Google search revealed the source article written by author Maureen Johnson on the crimereads.com website in early 2020. I just read through this article again and it’s like the precursor of this book. So you could take a look at that article as a kind of sampler. If you enjoy it, you’ll definitely find the book even funnier for it has lots more content to offer.
Anyone who has a weird, twisted sense of humour (like Yours Truly here!) will ENJOY this book. The humour is very tongue in cheek and the BW illustrations (with a sprinkling of BLOOD-red wherever necessary) add a dash of spice to the ominous Baedeker. Pick it up when you are in the mood for a quick, light-hearted read.
Thank you to Clarkson Potter/Ten Speed Press and NetGalley for the ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review.
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May 15, 2021
A tongue in cheek poke at those English villages where so many cozy mysteries are set. A fun and amusing read highlighting places and people you want to avoid when visiting such a village. This includes almost everyone and everywhere but I enjoyed both the definitions and the reasons. A very quick read and one that I'm sure to reference if I take such a trip.
"When you see the vicar, run. If you are not dead yet, the vicar is obliged to kill you."
"Stick with the dogs. Dogs are angels and protect us from everything and we don’t deserve them."
ARC from Edelweiss.
"When you see the vicar, run. If you are not dead yet, the vicar is obliged to kill you."
"Stick with the dogs. Dogs are angels and protect us from everything and we don’t deserve them."
ARC from Edelweiss.
February 25, 2023
On October 15, 2021, I first discovered this book in Carmichael's Bookstore on Bardstown Road in Louisville, Kentucky. We had been told there was a 30-minute wait for a table at Ramsi's Cafe On The World and decided to spend the time exploring the surrounding area. It was raining, so we were looking to find somewhere interesting and preferably indoors! We hadn't taken many steps before we came across the delightful Carmichael's Bookstore, which was chockfull of all my favorite things. As we browsed, I came across this book and the title grabbed me right away. I remember calling my companions over to share my discovery.
Skipping forward to February 2023, I rediscovered this book through a Goodreads friend's review and decided to see if my library had a copy available. I was able to borrow one via our consortium. It's a fun book and a quick read. The humor is tongue-in-cheek and just how I like it.
This book is divided into the components that make up a village, namely buildings and spaces, the residents of the village and village events. Quizzes are included also, so you can test yourself on your newly acquired skills on 'not getting murdered in a quaint English village.' The half-page (and some full page) illustrations are tastefully macabre.
My favorite line is the description of the village shop: "It sells cheese, stamps, tea and death."
My second favorite is: "The stairs: They are the xylophones of death."
Skipping forward to February 2023, I rediscovered this book through a Goodreads friend's review and decided to see if my library had a copy available. I was able to borrow one via our consortium. It's a fun book and a quick read. The humor is tongue-in-cheek and just how I like it.
This book is divided into the components that make up a village, namely buildings and spaces, the residents of the village and village events. Quizzes are included also, so you can test yourself on your newly acquired skills on 'not getting murdered in a quaint English village.' The half-page (and some full page) illustrations are tastefully macabre.
My favorite line is the description of the village shop: "It sells cheese, stamps, tea and death."
My second favorite is: "The stairs: They are the xylophones of death."
June 29, 2021
This is a cute idea for a book for fans of cosy murder mysteries of TV series such as Miss Marple and Midsomer Murders. With macabre word sketches by Maureen Johnson and illustrations by Jay Cooper outlining the types of murders and situations to avoid in the typical quaint English village. Pretty much everything, whether it's the picturesque church, the village fete, the local friendly pub or the manor house there's danger everywhere. Short and quick to read with a fun quiz at the end to check how much attention you've been paying! 3.5★
Read
December 31, 2024Delightfully macabre
October 28, 2023
3.5 stars
Funny and a delightful short read! At some places very witty and laugh out loud hilarious. Really enjoyed the ride! Must have if you’re looking for different ways to get murdered in idyllic countryside.
Give my regards to the vicar!
Funny and a delightful short read! At some places very witty and laugh out loud hilarious. Really enjoyed the ride! Must have if you’re looking for different ways to get murdered in idyllic countryside.
Give my regards to the vicar!
December 30, 2021
Charming and so fun!
June 18, 2023
I have read far too many novels about murders in small English villages and watched too many TV series about the same. I aced the tests. It's a very short, amusing book with wonderful illustrations. Pure fun.
January 3, 2023
You will never look at a "Quaint English Village" the same way after reading this book. You may even think twice about visiting one. However, the author's sense of humor shines throughout the descriptions and it is quite entertaining. -Jennifer K.
May 21, 2022
The title of this amusing little books sums it up. The authors nicely spoof all those English cosy crime novels with words & illsutrations. The first half has the village & its residents as its focus & is my favourite part of the book. The second part deals with The Manor & I found this less amusing. A very fast read that would make a nice gift for fans of old fashioned English crime stories.
December 1, 2021
(Screaming "I WANT THIS BOOK")
Sadly, the screaming didn't last long. For good.
The illustrations are the main highlight I would say and people are going to get this book for the pretty cover and the amazing illustrations.
Other than that, sadly, the writing doesn't do much.
You can expect to read snippets about this and that but not wholesome stories or know any characters. This is exactly just that. No stories or characters.
Well, have a good time flipping through the pages. It's fun reading it though. They already said it's a guidebook of some sort regarding murder and all that. But nothing much is there.
Sadly, the screaming didn't last long. For good.
The illustrations are the main highlight I would say and people are going to get this book for the pretty cover and the amazing illustrations.
Other than that, sadly, the writing doesn't do much.
You can expect to read snippets about this and that but not wholesome stories or know any characters. This is exactly just that. No stories or characters.
Well, have a good time flipping through the pages. It's fun reading it though. They already said it's a guidebook of some sort regarding murder and all that. But nothing much is there.
February 18, 2023
‘Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village’ by Maureen Johnson and Jay Cooper is not Great Literature but it is Great Fun! I recommend this humorous little book of entertainment for those who have read a lot of English murder mysteries which take place in small English villages. When I wasn’t smiling while reading this, I was laughing out loud.
It really IS much like a guidebook of instructions with drawings, but these instructions and drawings will have you thinking twice about that nice little drive into the English countryside and perhaps stopping at a small village. Also, that tour of a manor? Perhaps you should think twice about that, too. The author makes it clear the reader will not be able to know whether that quaint looking village is a murder village or not!
The book reminded me of Edward Gorey’s work, but without the dark surprise or shock. Instead, there is a direct earnestness and an ‘honest’ tone. The author wants to save you!
Quotes:
”It is possible that you will find yourself in a placid and tedious little corner of England; it is just as possible that you will end up in an English Murder Village. You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages. When you arrive in Shrimpling or Pickles-in-the-Woods or Wombat-on-Sea or wherever it is there will be no immediate signs of danger. This is exactly the problem. You are already in the trap.”
A sampling of her advice:
”My advice: Stick to urban areas. Do not go the the countryside. Dispose of this book, and continue on with your life.”
The Police Station: It’s just a mug of tea in a cupboard. There is only one constable, which is unfortunate, what with all the murders and everything.
Anywhere with a Vat: In English Murder Villages, vats exist for the express purpose of drowning people—in beer, in pickling brine, in whiskey, in jam. This is double true if the vat was built by fourteenth-century monks. If anyone offers to show you their vat, say you need to get something from your car, start the engine, and run them over. The constable understand this sort of thing. Tell him about the vat.”
She also gives advice about traditional village events such as the fetes and harvest season, the people who live in English murder villages, and the Manor tour. There is a quiz on the material about murder villages.
Most heartrending, and I mean that, rendering of the heart, is her advice on the hounds and children servants which wealthy owners of The Manor keep:
”The Hounds: If you arrive after dark, assume the dogs will eat you. Don’t believe the old chestnut that you can just toss them a steak and win them over. These dogs have been eating eating leftover servants for years….”
”The Gatehouse: “”They used to let orphans stay here, you know. To work in the kitchen and clean the chimneys. They lived in the cottage back in Victorian times. There were little children all over the place then. Not sure what happened to them I believe there was an inquiry…””
The author helpfully includes a map of the typical murder Manor.
I found her most cogent advice regarding murder Manors is: “Stay away from the walls.” Second place is her advice to become wary whenever wills are mentioned. Leaving immediately if invited to dinner or tea (poisons) is a close third….
It really IS much like a guidebook of instructions with drawings, but these instructions and drawings will have you thinking twice about that nice little drive into the English countryside and perhaps stopping at a small village. Also, that tour of a manor? Perhaps you should think twice about that, too. The author makes it clear the reader will not be able to know whether that quaint looking village is a murder village or not!
The book reminded me of Edward Gorey’s work, but without the dark surprise or shock. Instead, there is a direct earnestness and an ‘honest’ tone. The author wants to save you!
Quotes:
”It is possible that you will find yourself in a placid and tedious little corner of England; it is just as possible that you will end up in an English Murder Village. You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages. When you arrive in Shrimpling or Pickles-in-the-Woods or Wombat-on-Sea or wherever it is there will be no immediate signs of danger. This is exactly the problem. You are already in the trap.”
A sampling of her advice:
”My advice: Stick to urban areas. Do not go the the countryside. Dispose of this book, and continue on with your life.”
The Police Station: It’s just a mug of tea in a cupboard. There is only one constable, which is unfortunate, what with all the murders and everything.
Anywhere with a Vat: In English Murder Villages, vats exist for the express purpose of drowning people—in beer, in pickling brine, in whiskey, in jam. This is double true if the vat was built by fourteenth-century monks. If anyone offers to show you their vat, say you need to get something from your car, start the engine, and run them over. The constable understand this sort of thing. Tell him about the vat.”
She also gives advice about traditional village events such as the fetes and harvest season, the people who live in English murder villages, and the Manor tour. There is a quiz on the material about murder villages.
Most heartrending, and I mean that, rendering of the heart, is her advice on the hounds and children servants which wealthy owners of The Manor keep:
”The Hounds: If you arrive after dark, assume the dogs will eat you. Don’t believe the old chestnut that you can just toss them a steak and win them over. These dogs have been eating eating leftover servants for years….”
”The Gatehouse: “”They used to let orphans stay here, you know. To work in the kitchen and clean the chimneys. They lived in the cottage back in Victorian times. There were little children all over the place then. Not sure what happened to them I believe there was an inquiry…””
The author helpfully includes a map of the typical murder Manor.
I found her most cogent advice regarding murder Manors is: “Stay away from the walls.” Second place is her advice to become wary whenever wills are mentioned. Leaving immediately if invited to dinner or tea (poisons) is a close third….
August 19, 2025
Tāds pasmieklīgs gabals. Ja esat skatījušies “Midsomeras slepkavības”, visus šī nekaitīgā miestiņa iedzīvotājus, vietas un slepkavību veidus jau labi pazīsiet. Un tomēr, pat lasot šo grāmatu mazās devās, ir tā kā par daudz. Bet izklaidējoši. Un mīlīgas ilustrācijas ar pareizajiem akcentiem. Vairāk tāda kafijas galdiņa grāmata, ar ko viesiem izklaidēties, kamēr vārāt viņiem strihnīna tēju.
What happened at the mill???
What happened at the mill???
September 16, 2021
3.5 stars - This is a very charming, cheeky little book having fun with all of the tropes in murder mysteries set in rural English villages. The illustrations were super cute, and this is sure to put a smile on the face of anyone who reads and loves this subgenre
January 20, 2022
A delightful book! It was so fun to read.
December 26, 2022
It was a cutesy book. I read it in one sitting. I guess somebody who was really into murder mysteries in the English countryside might buy the book for their bookshelves.
May 20, 2022
Entertaining, but not as funny as I had expected. My favourite one is:
'Oh, it's you!'
:)
(I am, obviously, a fan of quaint English villages, and also I really don't like my neighbours...)
'Oh, it's you!'
:)
(I am, obviously, a fan of quaint English villages, and also I really don't like my neighbours...)
October 21, 2021
This reminded me of Edward Gorey, and I love that about it! Especially Gashleycrumb Tinies.
It hits all the highlights of how to survive in one of those English murder villages, of which the UK is apparently chock full, and introduces you to the situations and the people who will probably definitely kill you should you dare to visit.
It hits all the highlights of how to survive in one of those English murder villages, of which the UK is apparently chock full, and introduces you to the situations and the people who will probably definitely kill you should you dare to visit.
March 5, 2022
A fun quick read.
December 28, 2025
Don't Go Down to the Village or the Manor today
A review of the Ten Speed Press hardcover (September 14, 2021).
If you've read as much mystery fiction (731 at last count) as I have, especially from the ubiquitous sub-genre of the English village or manor house murder, you'll totally appreciate and understand this book which parodies all of its stereotypes and tropes.
The book is wonderfully illustrated by Jay Cooper in an appropriate manner that is reminiscent of Edward Gorey. It is quite distinct from Cooper's own regular style which you can see from his other book covers or at his website linked below.
A sample illustration by Jay Cooper showing various methods of murder at the manor house. Image sourced from Jay Cooper's website.
Author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper have also collaborated on the recent interactive graphic novel mystery You Are the Detective: The Creeping Hand Murder (September 16, 2025).
Thanks to Karan for this most enjoyable gift!
Trivia and Links
Author Maureen Johnson is a prolific writer of Young Adult mystery novels which are usually parts of a continuing series. Her most popular work (based on current GR ratings and reviews) is Truly, Devious (2018) which is part of the Truly Devious series (2018-2026-ongoing?). See further information at her website here.
Illustrator Jay Cooper is both an author and an illustrator, primarily of books for children. His most popular work (based on current GR ratings and reviews) is Mutant Rat Attack! (2017). See further information at his website here.
A review of the Ten Speed Press hardcover (September 14, 2021).
My advice: Stick to urban areas. Do not go to the countryside. Dispose of this book, and continue on with your life.
If you still insist on pursuing this course of action, commit the following information to memory. It may help you remain alive, if anything can. - from the author's Introduction.
If you've read as much mystery fiction (731 at last count) as I have, especially from the ubiquitous sub-genre of the English village or manor house murder, you'll totally appreciate and understand this book which parodies all of its stereotypes and tropes.
The book is wonderfully illustrated by Jay Cooper in an appropriate manner that is reminiscent of Edward Gorey. It is quite distinct from Cooper's own regular style which you can see from his other book covers or at his website linked below.
A sample illustration by Jay Cooper showing various methods of murder at the manor house. Image sourced from Jay Cooper's website.
Author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper have also collaborated on the recent interactive graphic novel mystery You Are the Detective: The Creeping Hand Murder (September 16, 2025).
Thanks to Karan for this most enjoyable gift!
Trivia and Links
Author Maureen Johnson is a prolific writer of Young Adult mystery novels which are usually parts of a continuing series. Her most popular work (based on current GR ratings and reviews) is Truly, Devious (2018) which is part of the Truly Devious series (2018-2026-ongoing?). See further information at her website here.
Illustrator Jay Cooper is both an author and an illustrator, primarily of books for children. His most popular work (based on current GR ratings and reviews) is Mutant Rat Attack! (2017). See further information at his website here.
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