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The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right
Named one of 10 Best New Management Books for 2022 by Thinkers50
A Wall Street Journal Bestseller
"...this guide provides readers with much more than just early careers advice; it can help everyone from interns to CEOs." — a Financial Times top title
You've landed a job. Now what?
No one tells you how to navigate your first day in a new role. No one tells you how to take ownership, manage expectations, or handle workplace politics. No one tells you how to get promoted.
The answers to these professional unknowns lie in the unspoken rules—the certain ways of doing things that managers expect but don't explain and that top performers do but don't realize.
The problem is, these rules aren't taught in school. Instead, they get passed down over dinner or from mentor to mentee, making for an unlevel playing field, with the insiders getting ahead and the outsiders stumbling along through trial and error.
Until now.
In this practical guide, Gorick Ng, a first-generation college student and Harvard career adviser, demystifies the unspoken rules of work. Ng distills the wisdom he has gathered from over five hundred interviews with professionals across industries and job types about the biggest mistakes people make at work. Loaded with frameworks, checklists, and talking points, the book provides concrete strategies you can apply immediately to your own situation and will help you navigate inevitable questions, such
How do I manage my time in the face of conflicting priorities?How do I build relationships when I’m working remotely?How do I ask for help without looking incompetent or lazy?
The Unspoken Rules is the only book you need to perform your best, stand out from your peers, and set yourself up for a fulfilling career.
A Wall Street Journal Bestseller
"...this guide provides readers with much more than just early careers advice; it can help everyone from interns to CEOs." — a Financial Times top title
You've landed a job. Now what?
No one tells you how to navigate your first day in a new role. No one tells you how to take ownership, manage expectations, or handle workplace politics. No one tells you how to get promoted.
The answers to these professional unknowns lie in the unspoken rules—the certain ways of doing things that managers expect but don't explain and that top performers do but don't realize.
The problem is, these rules aren't taught in school. Instead, they get passed down over dinner or from mentor to mentee, making for an unlevel playing field, with the insiders getting ahead and the outsiders stumbling along through trial and error.
Until now.
In this practical guide, Gorick Ng, a first-generation college student and Harvard career adviser, demystifies the unspoken rules of work. Ng distills the wisdom he has gathered from over five hundred interviews with professionals across industries and job types about the biggest mistakes people make at work. Loaded with frameworks, checklists, and talking points, the book provides concrete strategies you can apply immediately to your own situation and will help you navigate inevitable questions, such
How do I manage my time in the face of conflicting priorities?How do I build relationships when I’m working remotely?How do I ask for help without looking incompetent or lazy?
The Unspoken Rules is the only book you need to perform your best, stand out from your peers, and set yourself up for a fulfilling career.
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 27, 2021
430 people are currently reading
5563 people want to read
About the author
Gorick Ng
6 books51 followersGorick Ng is a career adviser at Harvard, specializing in coaching first-generation, low-income students. He is also a researcher with the Managing the Future of Work project at Harvard Business School. Ng has worked in career services at the University of Massachusetts Boston, management consulting at the Boston Consulting Group (BCG), investment banking at Credit Suisse, and education policy at the Toronto District School Board. He was named one of Time magazine’s top 25 future leaders from around the world and has also been featured in the Toronto Star, the Globe and Mail, the New York Post, World Journal, and on CBC. Ng serves on the board of directors of the Toronto Foundation for Student Success and is a member of the World Economic Forum Global Shapers Community. Ng, a first-generation college student, is a graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Business School. Find him at gorick.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 204 reviews
April 28, 2021
I'm a recent college graduate who just started my first ~real~ job (in management consulting). I was given an advance review copy of the book.
I loved this book and will regularly return to it for three reasons:
(1) Unspoken Rules teaches you how to fish *and* gives you fish: Throughout the book, Ng provides readers frameworks for thinking about your work (e.g. he explains difference between our 'internal' and 'external' narrative at work). He supplements these with very practical tools, such as 'what to keep in mind during work meetings', and written examples of emails other young professionals have written to reach powerful people at work. On that note...
(2) Unspoken Rules is filled with stories of young professionals like me, making it very different from other self-help and career books I've read. I laughed, I cringed (usually at my own past internship blunders that popped to mind), and took many notes.
(3) Unspoken Rules isn't prescriptive. Ng begins the book by reminding readers to "reject, embrace, or bend the rules". Ng's tone throughout the book strikes a delicate balance between gifting us best practices and encouraging readers to be curious and self-aware at work.
Highly recommend.
I loved this book and will regularly return to it for three reasons:
(1) Unspoken Rules teaches you how to fish *and* gives you fish: Throughout the book, Ng provides readers frameworks for thinking about your work (e.g. he explains difference between our 'internal' and 'external' narrative at work). He supplements these with very practical tools, such as 'what to keep in mind during work meetings', and written examples of emails other young professionals have written to reach powerful people at work. On that note...
(2) Unspoken Rules is filled with stories of young professionals like me, making it very different from other self-help and career books I've read. I laughed, I cringed (usually at my own past internship blunders that popped to mind), and took many notes.
(3) Unspoken Rules isn't prescriptive. Ng begins the book by reminding readers to "reject, embrace, or bend the rules". Ng's tone throughout the book strikes a delicate balance between gifting us best practices and encouraging readers to be curious and self-aware at work.
Highly recommend.
January 24, 2021
I am a late 20s professional in finance was given an advance copy of this book to review. Wow, I wish I had this book when I graduated from college! Ng does a wonderful job not just explaining the basics of career success, but exploring more nuanced examples of how to set yourself apart. As a hiring manager for our undergraduate and MBA internship and analyst/associate programs, it is important to demonstrate the 3Cs that Ng mentions: competence, commitment, and compatibility...and yet so few students that graduate today showcase all 3.
One story in particular stuck with me...too often students expect to apply for a specific position, but do not create their own opportunities. Ng's story about an analyst starting out and being persistent to network and "ask" for a rotation in a coveted role through exceeding bare minimum expectations and networking through a book club provides great anecdotes for fresh graduates to reflect back on work expectations and how to go above and beyond to be noticed and also create opportunities for themselves.
Outside of work, I also mentor several high school and college students and usually recommend a few. I would recommend "How to Win at College" and "How to become a Straight A Student" by Cal Newport for the graduating high school senior and then Ng's book as well as "Defining Decade" by Meg Jay for the graduating college student. These are must reads for students to understand the passage from high school to college, and the professional world as they enter their first post-college job and experience a world with fewer rules on getting an "A" and more unspoken rules on dress code, performing well at work, and much more!
One story in particular stuck with me...too often students expect to apply for a specific position, but do not create their own opportunities. Ng's story about an analyst starting out and being persistent to network and "ask" for a rotation in a coveted role through exceeding bare minimum expectations and networking through a book club provides great anecdotes for fresh graduates to reflect back on work expectations and how to go above and beyond to be noticed and also create opportunities for themselves.
Outside of work, I also mentor several high school and college students and usually recommend a few. I would recommend "How to Win at College" and "How to become a Straight A Student" by Cal Newport for the graduating high school senior and then Ng's book as well as "Defining Decade" by Meg Jay for the graduating college student. These are must reads for students to understand the passage from high school to college, and the professional world as they enter their first post-college job and experience a world with fewer rules on getting an "A" and more unspoken rules on dress code, performing well at work, and much more!
April 14, 2022
Our conversations revolved around threekey questions:What are the most common mistakes people make at work?What would you do differently if you could redo the first years ofyour career?What separates top performers from mediocre ones?
Seeing the big picture:
When joining a new team, research what the team does, what its objectives
are, whom it serves, what it’s been up to recently, who its competitors are,
who the most important people are, and how your role will help the team
and organization achieve their goals. When taking on a new assignment,
understand the broader objective, what success looks like, and how your
work fits into the big picture. Stay up to date with what’s happening in your
team, company, and industry.
DO and show your homework: When you have a question, avoid immediately pulling others aside. Look
through your emails and files and search online first. If you can’t find the
answer, bundle and escalate: bundle your questions and then ask a
coworker at your level for help, followed by the next most junior or
relevant person, and so forth.
Know your internal and external narrative:
Know why you do what you do. When introducing yourself, talk about
your past, present, and future: share what you’ve done, what you’re
working on, and, if relevant, what you’re trying to achieve. Consider
framing your personal story as a Hero’s Journey: what
Mirror others: Mirror the urgency and seriousness of the people you are working with.
Show more urgency and seriousness when interacting with someone who
has leverage over you. When in doubt, let others go first.
Send the right signals: Be intentional about what others can see, hear, smell, and feel from you. Be
mindful of cultural norms around eye contact, smiling, responding
promptly, and single-tasking. When others give you instructions or advice,
take notes in front of them. Do what you say you will do (or proactively
explain yourself). Be mindful of when and how you arrive, speak up, send
emails, and ask for help. When in doubt, show up early.
Read between people- Be mindful of invisible chains of command, swimlanes (who does what and
when), comfort zones, and loyalties. Know who reports to whom, who is
responsible for what, and who has leverage (power) over whom. Identify
who the influencers are. Be aware of behavior that people find acceptable
and unacceptable. Keep people consulted and informed.
Engage, ask, repeat: Engage with what others have to
say—listen, absorb, think. Then make a comment or ask an open-ended
question. Let people ànish speaking. Balance your speaking time. Once
you’ve interacted with someone, greet them when you encounter them
again. Send thank you emails. Ask how things are going. Offer to help.
Share relevant news. Broker introductions. Look for and call out
commonalities between you and other people.
Own up -Ask for feedback if you aren’t sure how well you are doing. Try asking,
“What should I start doing, stop doing, and keep doing?” Or, “Am I on
track?” Be mindful of when you should apologize and admit that you were
wrong and when you should defend yourself. If you make a mistake, be
prepared to apologize, explain what happened, offer a plan to mitigate the
impact or àx the problem, and explain how you will avoid making the same
mistake again.
Push gently- When asking for help, frame it as a request, not a command. Give others a
chance to decline. When you disagree with someone, use “I wonder …,”
“What if …,” or “Pushing back …” to frame it as constructive feedback
rather than as criticism. Before proposing an idea, try to understand
whether a similar idea has been proposed before and, if so, why it failed.
When you’re new and have little leverage, frame ideas as questions like
“Have we considered …?”
Show performance and potential - Know that you are being evaluated based on both your performance (how
effective you are in your current role) and your potential (how effective you
might be in your next role). To show your potential, claim an unclaimed
swimlane: do what hasn’t been done, àx what hasn’t been àxed, bridge
what hasn’t been bridged, know what others don’t know, and share what
hasn’t been shared. Don’t let potential go unrecognized. Ask for what you
want—and deserve.
3cs: Competence, Commitment and Capability
“Can you do the job well?” (Are you competent?)
“Are you excited to be here?” (Are you committed?)
“Do you get along with us?” (Are you compatible?)
True competence can be difàcult to measure. It’s easy if you’re a baker or
coder; one simply has to taste your cake or test your code. But for many jobs
—where much of your day is spent interacting with people—measuring
competence isn’t easy at all.
In the absence of clearly measurable outputs, managers often rely on
inputs—like how much progress it looks like you are making on a project,
how conàdently you speak in meetings, and how well you promote
yourself. It’s no surprise, then, that the people who get promoted or who get
the highest-proàle assignments aren’t always the most competent—even
within organizations that claim to be meritocracies
Commitment- Commitment means you are fully present and eager to help your team
achieve its goals—but not so eager that you put others on the defensive.
This means not undershooting to the point of looking apathetic and not
overshooting to the point of looking threatening.
Just because you are
committed doesn’t mean people perceive you to be committed. Sometimes,
little actions like showing up late, looking away on video chat, not
volunteering for tasks, not speaking up enough, or not replying to emails as
quickly as your coworkers do can be enough to cast doubt on how
committed you are.
Don’t let the fact that you have less experience than others on a project
deter you from volunteering for it. Don’t let the fact that someone doesn’t
know you deter you from introducing yourself. Don’t let the fact that
something isn’t the “usual process” deter you from trying it. When you join
a company, you have the beneàt of being that eager new hire who is still
learning. Expectations of you will never be lower, so you might as well set
expectations on your terms. Know the rules. Then bend them.
But a warning: Curiosity and entitlement are not the same thing. Asking
for something genuinely without expecting it is always allowed. But
expecting something—or demanding something or being overly
disappointed if the answer is “no”—can be dangerous for your
compatibility. If your reaction to “no” can be “No worries—just thought I’d
ask” and not “How come?! That’s ridiculous!” then give it a shot. As
So, instead of just asking your question, try going with
the structure of “Here’s my question, and here’s why I’m asking this
question.” Or, “Here’s what I know, and here’s what I don’t know,” as
If you have multiple supervisors and will be juggling projects for them
simultaneously, it’s a good idea to ask, “How would you suggest I allocate
my time between you and [my other manager]? Fifty-àfty? Sixty-forty?”
And if you have a desk job, ask, “What’s the best way to keep you all in the
loop? Would it be helpful for me to CC you on emails or share regular
updates?”
Have I clarified expectations for my role ?
Here are àve questions to consider asking:
“Which tasks and deliverables are top priorities in my role? Which
ones are secondary?”
“What should I be able to do by the end of the àrst three months? Six
months?”
“What does success look like in my role? Are there any metrics I
should keep in mind?”
“Is there anyone else you’d suggest I introduce myself to?”
“What should day-to-day and week-to-week collaboration look like
between us? When should I be proactive and when should I be
reactive?”
If your manager doesn’t mention one-on-one meetings, consider asking,
“Would it be helpful for us to have some sort of regular check-in?”
followed by “What’s most convenient: weekly, biweekly, monthly?”
Have I introduced myself to my coworkers?
If you are working in person, consider walking around and saying, “Hi, I
don’t think we’ve met. I’m _________. I’m the new _________” to those
near you, on your team, and on any other teams you work with.
If you are working remotely, consider sending your teammates a short
email or instant message (depending on your team’s cultural norms)
introducing yourself.
Have I learned my team’s priorities ? As you meet your teammates, consider asking, “What are you currently
working on?” or “What are your and the team’s top priorities these days?”
If you are taking over for someone and haven’t been given access to their
àles, consider asking your manager, “Did my predecessor leave behind any
àles that I should go through?” If your team uses a shared drive and no one
has invited you, ask a coworker at your level, “Would you please be able to
grant me access?,” “Are there particular folders that I should familiarize
myself with?,” and “Are there any templates you all use that I should keep
handy?” While you are at it, make sure to ask, “Are there any upcoming
meetings I should be looped in on?”
Pay attention to what your manager and teammates are up to, and if you
don’t already have an assignment, try asking, “Would it be helpful for me
to join this meeting?” or “Mind if I observe how you do this?”
Starting a new role is stressful enough as it is. Managers who leave you
to get set up yourself—what should be their responsibility—don’t make life
any easier. But herein lies a key difference between school and work: school
is about keeping up; work is about stepping up.
Your external narrative, on the other hand, is the story you tailor to your
audience to convince others that you are competent, committed, and
compatible. Your external narrative might sound like, “The company’s
work in Alzheimer’s disease is especially interesting to me because
neuroscience was one of my favorite classes in college. I also volunteered at
an eldercare facility and saw the effects of Alzheimer’s on my grandfather,
so I have a personal connection to it.”
If you don’t have much (or any) experience, that’s OK—focus on
telling people what you want to learn. Resist the urge to remind people of
any shortcomings: talking about how you’ve never handled numbers before
makes it easy for people to question your competence. No one has to know.
Focus on the positive.
What if others ask a forward-looking question like “What kind of work are
you interested in?” Do your homework, then show your homework. And
don’t just use ingredients from your fridge—include details from the online
research you did
If others ask a backward-looking question like “What brought you to our
company?” then consider framing your story using the structure of past,
present, future. This past, present, future arc to storytelling is inspired by
what’s called the Hero’s Journey
Make it clear that you have something to offer and are doing important
work—without coming across as if you either know what’s best or have no
idea what’s going on. This means saying “I’d like to think my experience
with _________ translates to _________” or “I will be working on
_________” and not “I’m an expert at this” or “I have no clue.
Demonstrate that you are eager to learn, help, and grow without coming
across as power-hungry, trying to take anyone��s job, or looking to make
anyone look bad. This means saying “I’m exploring a potential career in this
area” or “I am curious about _________” and not “I will become CEO” or
“I expect to get promoted.”
Intent is what you mean. Impact is how you come across to other people
Here are some questions to consider:
When and how do you arrive at and leave work—and what does it
say about your time management abilities and commitment?
What do you leave on your desk, in your trash can, and in the printer
—and what does it say about your priorities?
How are your table manners when eating meals with others—and
what does it say about how respectful you are of the culture you are in?
How visible are you at work—and what does it say about how hard
you are working?
How loudly do you discuss conàdential information—and what does
it say about your ability to keep secrets?
To understand the broader goal, consider asking questions like, “What
is this for?” “What’s the broader objective?” “What does success look like?”
or “Who is the audience?” Once you start working, keep reminding
yourself of the broader goal.
Whenever you are assigned a task, there are three questions you need to
answer with your manager: What do I need to do? How should I do it?
And by when do I need to get it done? If you don’t have answers to all
three questions, try to clarify immediately; otherwise, you will do the
wrong work, do it the wrong way, or do it too late—and tarnish your image
of competence.
If your manager isn’t clear on what or how, try asking them or a
colleague what’s been tried before. Or look through internal àles or the
internet to ànd templates or examples. Compare the options, pick the one
you like best, and then show the options to your manager with a comment
like, “We could try some version of _________, _________, or
_________. I suggest we go with _________, but change _________
because of _________. Do you agree?” (
If your manager isn’t clear on by when, try assessing how polychronic or
monochronic your coworkers are (see chapter 7 for what this is about) and
mirroring their urgency, gauging how urgent and important the task is
compared to other tasks that you’ve been assigned, identifying when
colleagues will need to use your work
Behind every assignment is a hidden acronym that the professional world
calls RACI (pronounced “racy”). Each letter stands for how someone relates
to a project: responsible for doing the work, accountable for the success of the
work, needs to be consulted on the work, and needs to be informed on the
status of the work.
The key to using RACI is to clarify what each letter in the acronym
refers to in your project before you start. To clarify who’s responsible, try
asking, “Is there anyone else I should be working with?” and “Who is
responsible for what?” To clarify who’s accountable, try asking, “Who
needs to sign off on this work?” To clarify who needs to be consulted, try
asking, “Is there anyone else whose perspective I should get?” To clarify
who needs to be informed, try asking, “Is there anyone else I should keep
up to date?”
What you think you heard may not always reáect what others said—or
thought they said. To minimize the odds of misunderstanding, consider
repeating back what you think you heard and giving others the chance to
correct you. Here are a few options:
“Just to play back what I think I heard: _________. Is that correct?”
“In terms of next steps, I will _________, right?”
“I will do _________ by _________ time and use _________
method. How does that sound?”
“OK, I will _________ and then _________. Let me know if I am
missing anything.”
“I was thinking I would _________. Would that work?”
To boost your compatibility, it can be helpful to explain why you think
someone is the most appropriate person for your question, so they don’t
think you’re wasting their time. It could be as simple as saying, “I heard
you’re the supply chain expert” or “I saw your name in the àle, so I thought
I’d ask you àrst.” And to boost your competence, watch your patterns and
don’t let history repeat itself: If others tell you something, repeat it back,
repeat it to yourself, take notes—do whatever you need to do to remember
what they said. Try not to make someone need to tell you the same thing
twice—and try not to have to ask the same question twice. If you have to
ask again (or if you keep relying on the same person), consider trying a
different person. You can also offer an acknowledgment like, “Sorry, I
know we talked about this, but I can’t seem to ànd it in my notes” or “I
know I’ve been asking a lot of questions, but I have a few more if you
wouldn’t mind.”
If you have any “What should I do next?” questions, resist the urge to ask
for help immediately unless it is urgent. You want to send the right signal
—that you can àgure it out and won’t stop what you’re doing in the face of
ambiguity. Ask yourself, What would I do next if I “owned” this situation fully
and didn’t have someone else to go to for help? Then, try taking these steps:
1. Look for examples of how others have approached similar issues or
questions.
2. Brainstorm some solutions using prior examples as a starting point.
3. Compare the pros and cons of each option.
4. If you can’t decide between two options, try both (if doing so is quick
and easy).
5. Bundle any other questions you may have.
6. Ask for help from your coworker or manager (or ask over email/IM).
7. Show your homework by framing your question as, “I’m not sure
what to do next, but I was thinking of _________ or _________. I
suggest _________ because _________. Do you feel differently?”
Whenever possible, avoid open-ended questions like “What do you
think?” because they can be time-consuming to answer. Instead, try a
multiple-choice question (e.g., “Which do you prefer: A, B, or C?”), a
yes-or-no question (e.g., “May I move ahead with this plan?”), a
default (e.g., “I plan to do _________; let me know if you’d prefer a
different approach”), a combination (e.g., “Which do you prefer: A,
B, or C? I will do C unless you say otherwise”), or a combination with a deadline (e.g., “Which do you prefer: A, B, or C? I will plan to
do C unless I hear from you before Monday, 8/23, at 12 p.m.”).
IF you see a problem, be proactive and flag it:
If you spot an error in someone’s work, tell that person privately (when in
doubt, praise publicly, but correct privately, unless it is not the culture of
your team). It can be as simple as IMing your coworker and saying, “Hey,
this might already be on your radar, but I noticed an issue with _________.
Just wanted to let you know.”
If you ànd a problem with your own work, correct it. The more
signiàcant the problem is, the more hierarchical your team is, and the more
standard operating procedures (typical ways of doing things) you have in
your role, the more you’ll want to bring options to your manager and ask
for their opinion, rather than make decisions on your own. For example,
you could say, “I wanted to let you know that I noticed an issue with
_________. After investigating, I discovered _________. Would it make
sense for me to do _________ or _________? I’m leaning toward
_________, but I wanted to check first.”
Seeing the big picture:
When joining a new team, research what the team does, what its objectives
are, whom it serves, what it’s been up to recently, who its competitors are,
who the most important people are, and how your role will help the team
and organization achieve their goals. When taking on a new assignment,
understand the broader objective, what success looks like, and how your
work fits into the big picture. Stay up to date with what’s happening in your
team, company, and industry.
DO and show your homework: When you have a question, avoid immediately pulling others aside. Look
through your emails and files and search online first. If you can’t find the
answer, bundle and escalate: bundle your questions and then ask a
coworker at your level for help, followed by the next most junior or
relevant person, and so forth.
Know your internal and external narrative:
Know why you do what you do. When introducing yourself, talk about
your past, present, and future: share what you’ve done, what you’re
working on, and, if relevant, what you’re trying to achieve. Consider
framing your personal story as a Hero’s Journey: what
Mirror others: Mirror the urgency and seriousness of the people you are working with.
Show more urgency and seriousness when interacting with someone who
has leverage over you. When in doubt, let others go first.
Send the right signals: Be intentional about what others can see, hear, smell, and feel from you. Be
mindful of cultural norms around eye contact, smiling, responding
promptly, and single-tasking. When others give you instructions or advice,
take notes in front of them. Do what you say you will do (or proactively
explain yourself). Be mindful of when and how you arrive, speak up, send
emails, and ask for help. When in doubt, show up early.
Read between people- Be mindful of invisible chains of command, swimlanes (who does what and
when), comfort zones, and loyalties. Know who reports to whom, who is
responsible for what, and who has leverage (power) over whom. Identify
who the influencers are. Be aware of behavior that people find acceptable
and unacceptable. Keep people consulted and informed.
Engage, ask, repeat: Engage with what others have to
say—listen, absorb, think. Then make a comment or ask an open-ended
question. Let people ànish speaking. Balance your speaking time. Once
you’ve interacted with someone, greet them when you encounter them
again. Send thank you emails. Ask how things are going. Offer to help.
Share relevant news. Broker introductions. Look for and call out
commonalities between you and other people.
Own up -Ask for feedback if you aren’t sure how well you are doing. Try asking,
“What should I start doing, stop doing, and keep doing?” Or, “Am I on
track?” Be mindful of when you should apologize and admit that you were
wrong and when you should defend yourself. If you make a mistake, be
prepared to apologize, explain what happened, offer a plan to mitigate the
impact or àx the problem, and explain how you will avoid making the same
mistake again.
Push gently- When asking for help, frame it as a request, not a command. Give others a
chance to decline. When you disagree with someone, use “I wonder …,”
“What if …,” or “Pushing back …” to frame it as constructive feedback
rather than as criticism. Before proposing an idea, try to understand
whether a similar idea has been proposed before and, if so, why it failed.
When you’re new and have little leverage, frame ideas as questions like
“Have we considered …?”
Show performance and potential - Know that you are being evaluated based on both your performance (how
effective you are in your current role) and your potential (how effective you
might be in your next role). To show your potential, claim an unclaimed
swimlane: do what hasn’t been done, àx what hasn’t been àxed, bridge
what hasn’t been bridged, know what others don’t know, and share what
hasn’t been shared. Don’t let potential go unrecognized. Ask for what you
want—and deserve.
3cs: Competence, Commitment and Capability
“Can you do the job well?” (Are you competent?)
“Are you excited to be here?” (Are you committed?)
“Do you get along with us?” (Are you compatible?)
True competence can be difàcult to measure. It’s easy if you’re a baker or
coder; one simply has to taste your cake or test your code. But for many jobs
—where much of your day is spent interacting with people—measuring
competence isn’t easy at all.
In the absence of clearly measurable outputs, managers often rely on
inputs—like how much progress it looks like you are making on a project,
how conàdently you speak in meetings, and how well you promote
yourself. It’s no surprise, then, that the people who get promoted or who get
the highest-proàle assignments aren’t always the most competent—even
within organizations that claim to be meritocracies
Commitment- Commitment means you are fully present and eager to help your team
achieve its goals—but not so eager that you put others on the defensive.
This means not undershooting to the point of looking apathetic and not
overshooting to the point of looking threatening.
Just because you are
committed doesn’t mean people perceive you to be committed. Sometimes,
little actions like showing up late, looking away on video chat, not
volunteering for tasks, not speaking up enough, or not replying to emails as
quickly as your coworkers do can be enough to cast doubt on how
committed you are.
Don’t let the fact that you have less experience than others on a project
deter you from volunteering for it. Don’t let the fact that someone doesn’t
know you deter you from introducing yourself. Don’t let the fact that
something isn’t the “usual process” deter you from trying it. When you join
a company, you have the beneàt of being that eager new hire who is still
learning. Expectations of you will never be lower, so you might as well set
expectations on your terms. Know the rules. Then bend them.
But a warning: Curiosity and entitlement are not the same thing. Asking
for something genuinely without expecting it is always allowed. But
expecting something—or demanding something or being overly
disappointed if the answer is “no”—can be dangerous for your
compatibility. If your reaction to “no” can be “No worries—just thought I’d
ask” and not “How come?! That’s ridiculous!” then give it a shot. As
So, instead of just asking your question, try going with
the structure of “Here’s my question, and here’s why I’m asking this
question.” Or, “Here’s what I know, and here’s what I don’t know,” as
If you have multiple supervisors and will be juggling projects for them
simultaneously, it’s a good idea to ask, “How would you suggest I allocate
my time between you and [my other manager]? Fifty-àfty? Sixty-forty?”
And if you have a desk job, ask, “What’s the best way to keep you all in the
loop? Would it be helpful for me to CC you on emails or share regular
updates?”
Have I clarified expectations for my role ?
Here are àve questions to consider asking:
“Which tasks and deliverables are top priorities in my role? Which
ones are secondary?”
“What should I be able to do by the end of the àrst three months? Six
months?”
“What does success look like in my role? Are there any metrics I
should keep in mind?”
“Is there anyone else you’d suggest I introduce myself to?”
“What should day-to-day and week-to-week collaboration look like
between us? When should I be proactive and when should I be
reactive?”
If your manager doesn’t mention one-on-one meetings, consider asking,
“Would it be helpful for us to have some sort of regular check-in?”
followed by “What’s most convenient: weekly, biweekly, monthly?”
Have I introduced myself to my coworkers?
If you are working in person, consider walking around and saying, “Hi, I
don’t think we’ve met. I’m _________. I’m the new _________” to those
near you, on your team, and on any other teams you work with.
If you are working remotely, consider sending your teammates a short
email or instant message (depending on your team’s cultural norms)
introducing yourself.
Have I learned my team’s priorities ? As you meet your teammates, consider asking, “What are you currently
working on?” or “What are your and the team’s top priorities these days?”
If you are taking over for someone and haven’t been given access to their
àles, consider asking your manager, “Did my predecessor leave behind any
àles that I should go through?” If your team uses a shared drive and no one
has invited you, ask a coworker at your level, “Would you please be able to
grant me access?,” “Are there particular folders that I should familiarize
myself with?,” and “Are there any templates you all use that I should keep
handy?” While you are at it, make sure to ask, “Are there any upcoming
meetings I should be looped in on?”
Pay attention to what your manager and teammates are up to, and if you
don’t already have an assignment, try asking, “Would it be helpful for me
to join this meeting?” or “Mind if I observe how you do this?”
Starting a new role is stressful enough as it is. Managers who leave you
to get set up yourself—what should be their responsibility—don’t make life
any easier. But herein lies a key difference between school and work: school
is about keeping up; work is about stepping up.
Your external narrative, on the other hand, is the story you tailor to your
audience to convince others that you are competent, committed, and
compatible. Your external narrative might sound like, “The company’s
work in Alzheimer’s disease is especially interesting to me because
neuroscience was one of my favorite classes in college. I also volunteered at
an eldercare facility and saw the effects of Alzheimer’s on my grandfather,
so I have a personal connection to it.”
If you don’t have much (or any) experience, that’s OK—focus on
telling people what you want to learn. Resist the urge to remind people of
any shortcomings: talking about how you’ve never handled numbers before
makes it easy for people to question your competence. No one has to know.
Focus on the positive.
What if others ask a forward-looking question like “What kind of work are
you interested in?” Do your homework, then show your homework. And
don’t just use ingredients from your fridge—include details from the online
research you did
If others ask a backward-looking question like “What brought you to our
company?” then consider framing your story using the structure of past,
present, future. This past, present, future arc to storytelling is inspired by
what’s called the Hero’s Journey
Make it clear that you have something to offer and are doing important
work—without coming across as if you either know what’s best or have no
idea what’s going on. This means saying “I’d like to think my experience
with _________ translates to _________” or “I will be working on
_________” and not “I’m an expert at this” or “I have no clue.
Demonstrate that you are eager to learn, help, and grow without coming
across as power-hungry, trying to take anyone��s job, or looking to make
anyone look bad. This means saying “I’m exploring a potential career in this
area” or “I am curious about _________” and not “I will become CEO” or
“I expect to get promoted.”
Intent is what you mean. Impact is how you come across to other people
Here are some questions to consider:
When and how do you arrive at and leave work—and what does it
say about your time management abilities and commitment?
What do you leave on your desk, in your trash can, and in the printer
—and what does it say about your priorities?
How are your table manners when eating meals with others—and
what does it say about how respectful you are of the culture you are in?
How visible are you at work—and what does it say about how hard
you are working?
How loudly do you discuss conàdential information—and what does
it say about your ability to keep secrets?
To understand the broader goal, consider asking questions like, “What
is this for?” “What’s the broader objective?” “What does success look like?”
or “Who is the audience?” Once you start working, keep reminding
yourself of the broader goal.
Whenever you are assigned a task, there are three questions you need to
answer with your manager: What do I need to do? How should I do it?
And by when do I need to get it done? If you don’t have answers to all
three questions, try to clarify immediately; otherwise, you will do the
wrong work, do it the wrong way, or do it too late—and tarnish your image
of competence.
If your manager isn’t clear on what or how, try asking them or a
colleague what’s been tried before. Or look through internal àles or the
internet to ànd templates or examples. Compare the options, pick the one
you like best, and then show the options to your manager with a comment
like, “We could try some version of _________, _________, or
_________. I suggest we go with _________, but change _________
because of _________. Do you agree?” (
If your manager isn’t clear on by when, try assessing how polychronic or
monochronic your coworkers are (see chapter 7 for what this is about) and
mirroring their urgency, gauging how urgent and important the task is
compared to other tasks that you’ve been assigned, identifying when
colleagues will need to use your work
Behind every assignment is a hidden acronym that the professional world
calls RACI (pronounced “racy”). Each letter stands for how someone relates
to a project: responsible for doing the work, accountable for the success of the
work, needs to be consulted on the work, and needs to be informed on the
status of the work.
The key to using RACI is to clarify what each letter in the acronym
refers to in your project before you start. To clarify who’s responsible, try
asking, “Is there anyone else I should be working with?” and “Who is
responsible for what?” To clarify who’s accountable, try asking, “Who
needs to sign off on this work?” To clarify who needs to be consulted, try
asking, “Is there anyone else whose perspective I should get?” To clarify
who needs to be informed, try asking, “Is there anyone else I should keep
up to date?”
What you think you heard may not always reáect what others said—or
thought they said. To minimize the odds of misunderstanding, consider
repeating back what you think you heard and giving others the chance to
correct you. Here are a few options:
“Just to play back what I think I heard: _________. Is that correct?”
“In terms of next steps, I will _________, right?”
“I will do _________ by _________ time and use _________
method. How does that sound?”
“OK, I will _________ and then _________. Let me know if I am
missing anything.”
“I was thinking I would _________. Would that work?”
To boost your compatibility, it can be helpful to explain why you think
someone is the most appropriate person for your question, so they don’t
think you’re wasting their time. It could be as simple as saying, “I heard
you’re the supply chain expert” or “I saw your name in the àle, so I thought
I’d ask you àrst.” And to boost your competence, watch your patterns and
don’t let history repeat itself: If others tell you something, repeat it back,
repeat it to yourself, take notes—do whatever you need to do to remember
what they said. Try not to make someone need to tell you the same thing
twice—and try not to have to ask the same question twice. If you have to
ask again (or if you keep relying on the same person), consider trying a
different person. You can also offer an acknowledgment like, “Sorry, I
know we talked about this, but I can’t seem to ànd it in my notes” or “I
know I’ve been asking a lot of questions, but I have a few more if you
wouldn’t mind.”
If you have any “What should I do next?” questions, resist the urge to ask
for help immediately unless it is urgent. You want to send the right signal
—that you can àgure it out and won’t stop what you’re doing in the face of
ambiguity. Ask yourself, What would I do next if I “owned” this situation fully
and didn’t have someone else to go to for help? Then, try taking these steps:
1. Look for examples of how others have approached similar issues or
questions.
2. Brainstorm some solutions using prior examples as a starting point.
3. Compare the pros and cons of each option.
4. If you can’t decide between two options, try both (if doing so is quick
and easy).
5. Bundle any other questions you may have.
6. Ask for help from your coworker or manager (or ask over email/IM).
7. Show your homework by framing your question as, “I’m not sure
what to do next, but I was thinking of _________ or _________. I
suggest _________ because _________. Do you feel differently?”
Whenever possible, avoid open-ended questions like “What do you
think?” because they can be time-consuming to answer. Instead, try a
multiple-choice question (e.g., “Which do you prefer: A, B, or C?”), a
yes-or-no question (e.g., “May I move ahead with this plan?”), a
default (e.g., “I plan to do _________; let me know if you’d prefer a
different approach”), a combination (e.g., “Which do you prefer: A,
B, or C? I will do C unless you say otherwise”), or a combination with a deadline (e.g., “Which do you prefer: A, B, or C? I will plan to
do C unless I hear from you before Monday, 8/23, at 12 p.m.”).
IF you see a problem, be proactive and flag it:
If you spot an error in someone’s work, tell that person privately (when in
doubt, praise publicly, but correct privately, unless it is not the culture of
your team). It can be as simple as IMing your coworker and saying, “Hey,
this might already be on your radar, but I noticed an issue with _________.
Just wanted to let you know.”
If you ànd a problem with your own work, correct it. The more
signiàcant the problem is, the more hierarchical your team is, and the more
standard operating procedures (typical ways of doing things) you have in
your role, the more you’ll want to bring options to your manager and ask
for their opinion, rather than make decisions on your own. For example,
you could say, “I wanted to let you know that I noticed an issue with
_________. After investigating, I discovered _________. Would it make
sense for me to do _________ or _________? I’m leaning toward
_________, but I wanted to check first.”
November 27, 2024
I cannot recommend this book enough to young professionals!
I had the chance to hear Ng speak at events in the past, and he has an amazing ability to make unseen expectations both visible and accessible. This book dives into all the nuances of workplace etiquette and career advancement in a really engaging way—it felt like a crash course in career coaching.
Especially for former or current first-gen/low-income college students, I would 10/10 recommend!
I had the chance to hear Ng speak at events in the past, and he has an amazing ability to make unseen expectations both visible and accessible. This book dives into all the nuances of workplace etiquette and career advancement in a really engaging way—it felt like a crash course in career coaching.
Especially for former or current first-gen/low-income college students, I would 10/10 recommend!
January 12, 2021
I am a late-20s professional, and I was given an advance review copy of the book.
As an oldest child and someone with a winding career path, this is the career advice book I wish I had when I was young and wide-eyed. Like an encouraging older brother, Ng conspiratorially reveals the "unspoken rules" of professionalism. Each chapter empowers young people to "take ownership" of their career by learning the rules and then making informed decisions on when to follow the rules and when to break them. For example, in Chapter 6: Manage Your Appearance, Ng explains how to identify expected attire, what conforming looks like, what non-conforming looks like, and what factors you might consider when deciding how much of your personal style to show at work.
Unlike similar books in the self-help/advice for recent grads genre, this book takes a modern approach to career advice, citing the latest research on bias and discrimination, and providing short examples of other young people's actions at work and how they were perceived.
Some pieces I found especially helpful:
- In Chapter 3: Show Up Like a High Performer, there's an excellent section on email etiquette and follow up. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed young professionals fail to follow up on emails that don't get a response because they're afraid to be "annoying."
- In Chapter 14: Resolve Conflicts, Ng lays out a plan for what to do when the job just isn't working out, whether the solution is to fix it, live with it, or cut your losses and leave. Having worked at startups with a lot of "uncertainty" in my early career, using the straightforward plan laid out in this chapter would have saved me a lot of emotional turmoil!
This book would be appropriate (especially as a gift, maybe from a parent, teacher, mentor, or manager) for any young person new to the world of work or any young person who feels like an outsider.
As an oldest child and someone with a winding career path, this is the career advice book I wish I had when I was young and wide-eyed. Like an encouraging older brother, Ng conspiratorially reveals the "unspoken rules" of professionalism. Each chapter empowers young people to "take ownership" of their career by learning the rules and then making informed decisions on when to follow the rules and when to break them. For example, in Chapter 6: Manage Your Appearance, Ng explains how to identify expected attire, what conforming looks like, what non-conforming looks like, and what factors you might consider when deciding how much of your personal style to show at work.
Unlike similar books in the self-help/advice for recent grads genre, this book takes a modern approach to career advice, citing the latest research on bias and discrimination, and providing short examples of other young people's actions at work and how they were perceived.
Some pieces I found especially helpful:
- In Chapter 3: Show Up Like a High Performer, there's an excellent section on email etiquette and follow up. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed young professionals fail to follow up on emails that don't get a response because they're afraid to be "annoying."
- In Chapter 14: Resolve Conflicts, Ng lays out a plan for what to do when the job just isn't working out, whether the solution is to fix it, live with it, or cut your losses and leave. Having worked at startups with a lot of "uncertainty" in my early career, using the straightforward plan laid out in this chapter would have saved me a lot of emotional turmoil!
This book would be appropriate (especially as a gift, maybe from a parent, teacher, mentor, or manager) for any young person new to the world of work or any young person who feels like an outsider.
May 23, 2021
A lot of solid information, insight and templates relevant to recent graduates looking for white collar jobs at companies that require a lot of politicking and game playing.
Side note: There seems to be something funky with a lot of the 5-star reviews on this book. Most of them are from advanced copies and they’re mostly formatted the same with similar feedback. Maybe it shouldn’t detract from the content of the book itself, but be weary of the super high rating.
Side note: There seems to be something funky with a lot of the 5-star reviews on this book. Most of them are from advanced copies and they’re mostly formatted the same with similar feedback. Maybe it shouldn’t detract from the content of the book itself, but be weary of the super high rating.
March 25, 2025
Honestly, had high hopes for this book as I've heard a lot about it. But so much of this is just plain common sense, even for someone not too familiar with a corporate job.
I found most of the examples so dumbed down that I struggled to get through it.
Might be a good book for someone who's completely blank to the social (unspoken) aspects of holding down a job, but I think having them try and fail by simply gaining experience in different situations and industries for a year or two will teach you much more than this book ever will.
I found most of the examples so dumbed down that I struggled to get through it.
Might be a good book for someone who's completely blank to the social (unspoken) aspects of holding down a job, but I think having them try and fail by simply gaining experience in different situations and industries for a year or two will teach you much more than this book ever will.
October 18, 2023
I wish I could give this to all my subordinates. It articulates what makes me hopeful and frustrated with some and not others!
May 4, 2023
Great work related read ! Recommend, wish I had this before my first role
July 18, 2021
The book I wished I had when I started out. The Unspoken Rules would have helped me consolidate the lessons and experiences had...even now the principles found here are tremendous reminders of how far I've come, why and how I've chosen to approach things, and most importantly how I'm choosing to now guide those around me (juniors, peers, and leaders).
Gorick Ng has captured the lessons from the school of career hardknocks, and simply and eloquently translates them into actionable thoughts that anyone can apply immediately.
A must-read for anyone starting a new gig (for the first time, or a seasoned pro needing a quick refresh), through to those looking to build successful teams. A future classic ever career counselor and career development professional will refer to.
Gorick Ng has captured the lessons from the school of career hardknocks, and simply and eloquently translates them into actionable thoughts that anyone can apply immediately.
A must-read for anyone starting a new gig (for the first time, or a seasoned pro needing a quick refresh), through to those looking to build successful teams. A future classic ever career counselor and career development professional will refer to.
August 8, 2024
Had to read for school. It had some helpful things but a lot of obvious things too.
December 31, 2020
Gorick Ng's book, The Unspoken Rules, provides a specific guide to how to become a successful career-oriented individual. As a high school student who is close to graduating, Mr. Ng's story has given me insight to what the real world is like. It has given me wisdom and knowledge to apply to my day-to-day activities. With Mr. Ng being an FGLI (first generation, low-income) student who has graduated an elite university TWICE, and has a successful lifestyle, it makes this book a lot more reliable, relatable, and rich. This book gives you all of "The Unspoken Rules" about how to reach the top.
What makes this book so unique and apart from others -- is that it includes real experiences. Whether you hope to go into finance or law, The Unspoken Rules can give you the greatest secrets to be at the top.
What makes this book so unique and apart from others -- is that it includes real experiences. Whether you hope to go into finance or law, The Unspoken Rules can give you the greatest secrets to be at the top.
July 10, 2024
A fantastic book anyone starting their career should read 5/5.
Okay, now that my mother-in-law (who gave me the book) has hopefully stopped reading…
I went into this book expecting to hate it, but actually thought it was useful. Despite the legitimately good guidance, however, to me it felt like a surrealist comedy/critique of corporate culture. Each chapter the author identifies some combination of implicit and explicit biases working against you (or, if you’re a white, straight man, for you), ways in which office norms can strip you of your identity, and how good work rarely gets you anywhere on it’s own. He then offers some pretty solid advice for how to navigate the hellscape you’ve found yourself in. It’s the perfect comedic back and forth. My only real critique is that the author reminded me of my biggest ick: categorizing people as high performers, mediocre performers, or under performers. All that being said, I have to grudgingly admit that this is a good book (especially if my mother-in-law is still reading).
Okay, now that my mother-in-law (who gave me the book) has hopefully stopped reading…
I went into this book expecting to hate it, but actually thought it was useful. Despite the legitimately good guidance, however, to me it felt like a surrealist comedy/critique of corporate culture. Each chapter the author identifies some combination of implicit and explicit biases working against you (or, if you’re a white, straight man, for you), ways in which office norms can strip you of your identity, and how good work rarely gets you anywhere on it’s own. He then offers some pretty solid advice for how to navigate the hellscape you’ve found yourself in. It’s the perfect comedic back and forth. My only real critique is that the author reminded me of my biggest ick: categorizing people as high performers, mediocre performers, or under performers. All that being said, I have to grudgingly admit that this is a good book (especially if my mother-in-law is still reading).
July 8, 2021
This is a phenomenal book. It contains extremely practical and actionable advice on how to be successful at work. I wish I’d had it when I started my career ten years ago - I think I would have avoided at least a few embarrassing mistakes!
As a manager now, I want all of my early-career (first 5-10 years) to employees to read this, especially since my current company doesn’t have the type of intensive new hire training programs that many top-tier private sector firms do. It is also a helpful tool to me for coaching my team members in certain areas - from how to write an email to how to approach conflict resolution.
As a manager now, I want all of my early-career (first 5-10 years) to employees to read this, especially since my current company doesn’t have the type of intensive new hire training programs that many top-tier private sector firms do. It is also a helpful tool to me for coaching my team members in certain areas - from how to write an email to how to approach conflict resolution.
August 8, 2021
A resounding thought while completing this book was that I wish I had this before grad school. It would have spared me a few therapy sessions. Particularly, the one where my therapist explained to me that of the clearly laid out expectations of a being a student there are many invisible lessons and tests that are tasked that of us. And the source of my anxiety and conflict may be reacting to many of those unnamed expectations. She was right as is Ng in naming these invisible social cues and sharing this knowledge with us first-gen, low-income folks without intimate knowledge ofvthe workings of these academic and professional institutions. I loved the format, the vignettes and diagrams, helped me process this easier as a visual learner. I plan to keep this book close by for reference for when I start my first job in my career.
July 27, 2021
Great book overall and I enjoyed it! I was fortunate to find this book right before starting a new job recently.
The book provides a very detailed step-by-side guide to getting off to a good start on a new job. This is primarily important since your first 90-days on a new job are important for making an impact!
On the audible version, the speaker does a great job balancing the different tones of voices emphasizing the most important points.
Highly Recommend!
The book provides a very detailed step-by-side guide to getting off to a good start on a new job. This is primarily important since your first 90-days on a new job are important for making an impact!
On the audible version, the speaker does a great job balancing the different tones of voices emphasizing the most important points.
Highly Recommend!
April 17, 2022
This is a professional holy grail of a book that you neeeeed in your life. I've been recommending it to everyone I know. It has the best tips, not only for young professionals but anyone beginning a new career. I love the stream of thought and literal conversation scripts he includes that help you find a professional way to ask certain questions or get the most meaningful information and feedback from supervisors to advance in your career. I look forward to reading more from this author!
August 18, 2021
The Unspoken Rules is an unvarnished, straight-shooting book for the young in the workforce. This practical guide does not balk at talking about things that could be the most obvious or throwing highly practical directives that are difficult to enunciate without offending some woke crowd.
The book is as practical as it comes - it never resorts to academic studies or social science theories. The plain-speak will evoke reflective thoughts in the highly experienced or even top executives in charge of managing others.
A refreshingly different type of management book.
The book is as practical as it comes - it never resorts to academic studies or social science theories. The plain-speak will evoke reflective thoughts in the highly experienced or even top executives in charge of managing others.
A refreshingly different type of management book.
July 25, 2023
Muy recomendado para cualquier persona que esta por empezar su vida laboral, cambiar de trabajo o mejorar dentro del trabajo en el que se encuentra.
Muy buenos consejos para distintas situaciones
Muy buenos consejos para distintas situaciones
September 6, 2023
Read this for a mentorship book study at work.
Excellent book for individual contributors and those early in their careers.
Excellent book for individual contributors and those early in their careers.
December 20, 2024
about work ethic, navigating bureaucracy and ambiguity. Generic stuff, decent.
Read
July 21, 2025Well written and accessible, but has a handful of things that I consider to be common sense. Also, gotta stop torturing myself with non fiction books that I struggle to finish reading
February 5, 2022
The book collected the most important aspects about navigating your career path successfully. I liked its framework and its many examples style.
June 4, 2024
Crucial career advice for anyone looking to climb up the ladder one day. Some might think it’s obvious but the Unspoken rules really are unspoken! Will definitely read it again before my next job and then again before the job after and after..
April 17, 2024
I thought I would never finish it. But I did bc I found some of the advise useful and bc without this book I would be very lost. One downside of it is that it made me super conscious about my behavior around people.
January 28, 2021
I'm a former leader in the energy business and the founder of a non profit for first generation college students. Gorick masterfully presents the behaviors that are critical differentiators between top performers and the rest of the pack in corporate America. He created a comprehensive guide to early success in the workplace. His real life examples from diverse, first generation graduates are powerful, enlightening, and easily understood. Unspoken Rules is a must read for any young person starting their career, especially those from an underrepresented background!
Paul Posoli, Founder, CareerSpring
Paul Posoli, Founder, CareerSpring
January 24, 2021
For context, I am the 2nd growth marketing hire at Zageno, a General Catalyst backed biotech startup based in Boston, MA. I also head content at Elpha, a Y Combinator backed startup and a community of 36K+ women in tech, Harvard in Tech, and Techstars Boston. I was formerly a venture capital investor and employee #1 at Soma Capital, a seed stage fund based in San Francisco. I was given an advanced review copy of the book.
The Unspoken Rules is truly a treasure trove of information. Like Ben Horowitz’s What You Do Is Who You Are, the Unspoken Rules expertly blends tactical information, immensely useful communication templates, narratives, and examples.
As someone who has had a wide variety of early career experiences and as someone who writes, reflects, and reads often on the topic of professional development, I had thought I knew much of what there is to know on the topic, but Gorick’s book proved me wrong in the best way. I found new insight in practically every paragraph and frankly wanted to bookmark every page!
After reading the book, I am approaching my professional life both in and outside of work in an entirely new and better way. I now have tremendous guidance on how to best navigate both challenges and opportunities with the highest level of tact and EQ.
I have spent tons of time searching for and reading professional self help content (on podcasts, LinkedIn, Twitter, Reddit, and general search) but always found that existing resources stay too high level in their advice, telling people to, for example, manage up well or be proactive or prepare well for meetings but never clearly articulating (or articulately rather poorly) *how* exactly to do those things. In contrast, Gorick’s book does the absolute best job in getting to the atomic unit of advice that is immediately useful and usable by anyone in the workplace. He spells out exactly what taking the advice looks like, actual email and conversation scripts, different possible scenarios and how to respond, best practices, common pitfalls, and much, much more.
My younger brother is starting college this fall, and I am 100% going to buy him this book. My partner (same age as me) will also be getting a copy! If I had the means, I would buy this book for everyone early career employee at every company, particularly in rapidly growing industries like tech (where I have spent my early career) and in very EQ oriented industries like finance or business in general (where I did several internships while at Harvard). As someone who works closely with startups (as an advisor and mentor and previously as an investor), this book would be a tremendous asset for talent leaders and truly any bosses or CEOs looking to grow or strengthen their team and culture.
I am the first child of 2 immigrants. My father always encouraged me to focus on working smart, not just hard, but he never knew or could tell me how. I had wonderful mentors but even they were only able to give me bits and pieces of advice throughout the years (most of it at a high level only). I am so glad to have discovered Gorick’s book because it truly answers all of my questions, concerns, and doubts throughout the years of navigating the professional world on my own.
I wish I could give this book to my younger self, to parents everywhere, and to students and early career people like myself! If you read nothing else, please read this, and I can promise you will thank yourself 1000 times.
The Unspoken Rules is truly a treasure trove of information. Like Ben Horowitz’s What You Do Is Who You Are, the Unspoken Rules expertly blends tactical information, immensely useful communication templates, narratives, and examples.
As someone who has had a wide variety of early career experiences and as someone who writes, reflects, and reads often on the topic of professional development, I had thought I knew much of what there is to know on the topic, but Gorick’s book proved me wrong in the best way. I found new insight in practically every paragraph and frankly wanted to bookmark every page!
After reading the book, I am approaching my professional life both in and outside of work in an entirely new and better way. I now have tremendous guidance on how to best navigate both challenges and opportunities with the highest level of tact and EQ.
I have spent tons of time searching for and reading professional self help content (on podcasts, LinkedIn, Twitter, Reddit, and general search) but always found that existing resources stay too high level in their advice, telling people to, for example, manage up well or be proactive or prepare well for meetings but never clearly articulating (or articulately rather poorly) *how* exactly to do those things. In contrast, Gorick’s book does the absolute best job in getting to the atomic unit of advice that is immediately useful and usable by anyone in the workplace. He spells out exactly what taking the advice looks like, actual email and conversation scripts, different possible scenarios and how to respond, best practices, common pitfalls, and much, much more.
My younger brother is starting college this fall, and I am 100% going to buy him this book. My partner (same age as me) will also be getting a copy! If I had the means, I would buy this book for everyone early career employee at every company, particularly in rapidly growing industries like tech (where I have spent my early career) and in very EQ oriented industries like finance or business in general (where I did several internships while at Harvard). As someone who works closely with startups (as an advisor and mentor and previously as an investor), this book would be a tremendous asset for talent leaders and truly any bosses or CEOs looking to grow or strengthen their team and culture.
I am the first child of 2 immigrants. My father always encouraged me to focus on working smart, not just hard, but he never knew or could tell me how. I had wonderful mentors but even they were only able to give me bits and pieces of advice throughout the years (most of it at a high level only). I am so glad to have discovered Gorick’s book because it truly answers all of my questions, concerns, and doubts throughout the years of navigating the professional world on my own.
I wish I could give this book to my younger self, to parents everywhere, and to students and early career people like myself! If you read nothing else, please read this, and I can promise you will thank yourself 1000 times.
February 5, 2021
Required reading for your new (and old) employees.
It’s no stretch to say that this book could increase your team’s productivity almost immediately.
As an entrepreneur, I’ve managed dozens of direct reports (mostly millennials). Training them well is the single, highest-leverage activity I can engage in. The problem? Never enough time.
Can a book replace personalized coaching?
No.
But, besides Covey’s 7 Habits, this one comes closer than any I’ve come across. I received an advanced copy and found that it addresses the things I wish my new hires knew with more clarity and detail than any of its peers:
•How to show up prepared and stay ahead of incoming work.
•How to decide if something is urgent and/or important, and how to see the big picture of the team’s objectives.
•What makes a good and bad question, plus how and when to ask good questions.
•How to communicate in a clear, concise way in written and verbal exchanges.
I’m not usually drawn to books with the word ’secrets’ in the subtitle, however, this one stands out for a few reasons:
•Specificity: Skim most career advice books and you’ll find yourself knee-deep in vague generalities like ’be prepared’, and ‘communicate with confidence’. This book not only defines things in granular detail, but also identifies the spectrum—what does ’too much enthusiasm’ for your role actually look like? Also notable was the use of actual interviews conducted with subjects in the book.
•Action-oriented format: I’ve been sold on checklists ever since reading Atul Gawande’s Manifesto, so I was happy to see a number of them in this book. There are also several ‘fill in the blanks’ sections to help the newbies understand where they fit into the bigger organizational picture. This was unique and useful.
•Fairness: The author isn’t out to complain about millennials, nor coddle them, as he notes “Curiosity and entitlement are not the same thing… demanding something or being overly disappointed if the answer is ’no’ can be dangerous for your compatibility." Ng avoids the ‘preachy’ or ‘activist’ tone that some authors in the genre adopt.
In sum, the book is everything you wanted to teach your team, but either ran out of time for, or did too lousy a job of explaining.
I’ll be gifting it to future hires.
It’s no stretch to say that this book could increase your team’s productivity almost immediately.
As an entrepreneur, I’ve managed dozens of direct reports (mostly millennials). Training them well is the single, highest-leverage activity I can engage in. The problem? Never enough time.
Can a book replace personalized coaching?
No.
But, besides Covey’s 7 Habits, this one comes closer than any I’ve come across. I received an advanced copy and found that it addresses the things I wish my new hires knew with more clarity and detail than any of its peers:
•How to show up prepared and stay ahead of incoming work.
•How to decide if something is urgent and/or important, and how to see the big picture of the team’s objectives.
•What makes a good and bad question, plus how and when to ask good questions.
•How to communicate in a clear, concise way in written and verbal exchanges.
I’m not usually drawn to books with the word ’secrets’ in the subtitle, however, this one stands out for a few reasons:
•Specificity: Skim most career advice books and you’ll find yourself knee-deep in vague generalities like ’be prepared’, and ‘communicate with confidence’. This book not only defines things in granular detail, but also identifies the spectrum—what does ’too much enthusiasm’ for your role actually look like? Also notable was the use of actual interviews conducted with subjects in the book.
•Action-oriented format: I’ve been sold on checklists ever since reading Atul Gawande’s Manifesto, so I was happy to see a number of them in this book. There are also several ‘fill in the blanks’ sections to help the newbies understand where they fit into the bigger organizational picture. This was unique and useful.
•Fairness: The author isn’t out to complain about millennials, nor coddle them, as he notes “Curiosity and entitlement are not the same thing… demanding something or being overly disappointed if the answer is ’no’ can be dangerous for your compatibility." Ng avoids the ‘preachy’ or ‘activist’ tone that some authors in the genre adopt.
In sum, the book is everything you wanted to teach your team, but either ran out of time for, or did too lousy a job of explaining.
I’ll be gifting it to future hires.
February 5, 2021
This is the book I wish I had back when I was starting my career! For context, I have worked in investment banking at Goldman Sachs, where I represented the firm on the Board of Women in Finance, as well as in consulting at PricewaterhouseCoopers, where I worked on Google’s $12.5 billion acquisition of Motorola. I am now a General Partner of a venture capital fund I co-founded, where I have invested in companies now acquired by Goldman Sachs, Ford, Caterpillar, Binance and Dialpad, as well as a Lecturer at UC Berkeley. In all of these roles, I have mentored classes of students, young professionals and entrepreneurs on an ongoing basis. I co-authored a non-fiction book published by Cambridge University Press in 2019, and I was given an advanced review copy of the book.
The Unspoken Rules is truly the go-to guide for success in the workplace. As someone who has had an interdisciplinary career and as someone who enjoys reading and reflecting on books about professional development, the Unspoken Rules has been the most practical advice I've read to date for early career professionals from navigating a new role through to one's promotion. Gorick's book not only presented helpful overall frameworks, but also focuses on the how--from suggested scripts for responding in different scenarios to actual email templates, and much more.
In my own experiences, the most difficult part of a job has always been not knowing what I should know--precisely the "unspoken rules" which Gorick defines precisely as "certain ways of doing things that managers do but don't explain and that top performers do but don't realize." Gorick's book is the perfect combination of anecdotes, specific to-do's, checklists, talking points and email templates that he has sourced from extensive interviews with professionals across geographies, industries, and job types on the lessons they wish someone could have told them earlier about how to get ahead once they get hired. What better way to learn than from people who have been through it themselves?
Reading the book has been a great reminder of all the different ways in which I can better approach my professional life, as well as a great framework for how I can be a better mentor for the students and young professionals in my life. This is the book I wish I could have given to my younger self. I highly recommend it to everyone, regardless of geography, industry or seniority.
For those of you who want to hear more from Gorick, he has also done an amazing job of creating soundbites in easily digestible formats via TikTok and YouTube, and Gorick's content on these channels are great ongoing reminders of the lessons learned in this book.
The Unspoken Rules is truly the go-to guide for success in the workplace. As someone who has had an interdisciplinary career and as someone who enjoys reading and reflecting on books about professional development, the Unspoken Rules has been the most practical advice I've read to date for early career professionals from navigating a new role through to one's promotion. Gorick's book not only presented helpful overall frameworks, but also focuses on the how--from suggested scripts for responding in different scenarios to actual email templates, and much more.
In my own experiences, the most difficult part of a job has always been not knowing what I should know--precisely the "unspoken rules" which Gorick defines precisely as "certain ways of doing things that managers do but don't explain and that top performers do but don't realize." Gorick's book is the perfect combination of anecdotes, specific to-do's, checklists, talking points and email templates that he has sourced from extensive interviews with professionals across geographies, industries, and job types on the lessons they wish someone could have told them earlier about how to get ahead once they get hired. What better way to learn than from people who have been through it themselves?
Reading the book has been a great reminder of all the different ways in which I can better approach my professional life, as well as a great framework for how I can be a better mentor for the students and young professionals in my life. This is the book I wish I could have given to my younger self. I highly recommend it to everyone, regardless of geography, industry or seniority.
For those of you who want to hear more from Gorick, he has also done an amazing job of creating soundbites in easily digestible formats via TikTok and YouTube, and Gorick's content on these channels are great ongoing reminders of the lessons learned in this book.
January 8, 2023
Practical guide to how to start off your career... right. I would recommend to any young adult.
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