Hopes and Fears: Working with Today's Independent School Parents

by Robert Evans, Michael Thompson

Make a major difference in how well your school works with parents. Learn practical, empathic advice from psychologists Rob Evans and Michael Thompson in this book from the National Association of Independent Schools.

Genres: Education, Teaching

121 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2021

Reviews

[Amber Chance · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the second edition: Strengthening the Relationship with Today’s Independent School Parents, which was written post-pandemic. There are definitely some interesting takeaways. I especially enjoyed the faculty/parent chapter. It has also opened my eyes to things we could be doing better as a school. There are some things we do well and some we can improve on.

I read this via hardcopy. It should also be noted that this was a required read for my job.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliantly practical. Must read for teachers and administrators

[Mary Torpey · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the last chapter, the authors urge teachers to accept that they can't stop their feelings, but they can learn to manage them. I would add--this is also a useful maxim for parents. Parents of Goodreads! Let us spend time sifting through our feelings about our children, their friends, their teachers, their coaches, their schools and their potential college choices *before* expressing them. We have nothing to lose but the urge to make our emotions someone else's problem.

There are some helpful communication tips for teachers in here, but they won't be very useful in the moment without boundaries and a clear structure positioning the school as the "senior partner" in the parent-school relationship, as the authors propose. Administrators and school decision-makers might get more mileage out of this book, then. I waffled about whether the authors' acceptance of the "rising tide of anxiety" among parents was practical (in the sense that it doesn't seem likely to change) or catastrophic (in the sense that normalizing/accepting anxiety can lead to a sort of feedback loop of . . . more anxiety). In particular, I had to re-read the sentence explaining parental "predispositions to be anxious about dealing with their children's teachers and developmental flashpoints are both normal" several times to be sure I understood it. Yes, of course, parents can be predisposed in this way. But . . . some parents are well prepared to have calm, cooperative conversations with educators and can navigate their children's developmental rough patches just fine. Many, even. Put another way, just because there's ample context for parental anxiety doesn't make it a new cultural norm. (It could be that I'm tilting at windmills.)

I should mention there are more than a few gender-binary-reinforcing/heteronormative examples about how moms and dads and boys and girls behave here, for example, "Most eighth graders are eager to leave the restrictions of middle school, and some ambitious eighth grade girls already have their sights set on older boys." The mentions of race (including a chapter on white teachers and Black families) are similarly unsophisticated for a book published in 2021.  And finally, some independent school educators will find it tough to proceed after reading the sentence on page 3-4: "In this book, we will concentrate mostly on the parents who present by far the greatest number of challenges to the school: those who pay full tuition." Besides a few other cursory mentions of class and power differentials between parents and teachers, the authors leave that elephant in the room largely untouched.

[Chris Heim · Rating 4 out of 5]

A worthwhile read for all independent school teachers, especially new ones. But there are some good reminders, particularly on effectively structuring parent-teacher conferences and working with difficult parents, for all educators.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very practical book, both with regards to how independent school parents can present in their interactions with the school and offering some techniques for how faculty and administrators can create good working relationships.

[Sorsha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an enlightening book both as a teacher and as a new parent. It's concise and did a great job of doing what it set out to do, but I want more for sure! I don't know what else but these authors know our audience perfectly and everything they wrote resonated with me.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

A combination of tried and true messages and new points of emphasis from two of the best consultants to independent schools out there.

[Margie Kuzminski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Thompson visited our school for a series of professional development experiences with several different constitutuencies and with different headlines - social dynamics in MS, educating boys, stressed out adolescents, and the focus of this book, independent school relationships with parents (we typically use the designation families). He was a warm and engaging personal presence which surely helpfed to frame this follow up reading that I understook; I'll be doing a report out to the faculty at an upcoming work day meeting, which seems the best use of this material. I think it should be read by division directors and HOSs and disseminated through them to faculty. Being intentional about relationships with families is definitely too often taken for granted. There weren't any magic wands, and it is dispirititing to still be talking about the effects of the pandemic, but since the behaviors described (by families and students alike) he says stem from the Great Disruption are so real, the book resonates. Practically speaking, I don't think that routine communications from teachers to families can have the level of engagement he describes, but it is valuable to have routine communications (which are more often email than he explicitly addresses, which is a shortcoming of the book) situated in a larger context of institutional intentionality about the home/school partnership.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

“We believe that children of all ages thrive when the adults in their lives get along better with each other and when they see the child in the same way…The key to forging and sustaining a strong alliance with parents is to understand their hopes and fears. In turn, this will help educators manage their own hopes and fears, and it will help all the adults collaborate on behalf of the children” (p.7). This brief, practical book written by two psychologists and school consultants presents rationale (including developmental research and societal factory’s) and tactics that underscore empathy and equip educators with responsiveness.

[Juliefrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few clunky gender assumption statements aside, I found this book helpful- and in many cases just comforting, as it confirmed and named what I’ve been experiencing as a teacher from that 5%.

[Holly Hillard · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is the only book I’ve ever read as an educator on how to work and communicate with parents. It definitely had some practical advice I can use.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical and insightful for a new, non-teaching independent school staff person like me!

[Damon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd very strongly recommend this to teachers and administrators in today's independent school climate. It doesn't really apply much to other groups.

[MG · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good message to remind teachers that parents are people too who also deserve empathy. Would be a good read for teachers constantly complaining about parents.

Was put off by the pseudo-history portion in the first few chapters