Solving the Moment: A Collaborative Couple Therapy Manual

by Dan Wile, Dorothy Kaufmann

Dan Wile, PhD, founder and developer of Collaborative Couple Therapy, was a couple therapist in private practice in Oakland, CA for 45 years. He taught at several graduate schools in the San Francisco Bay Area and gave professional workshops throughout the US and internationally. At the time of his death in 2020, he had completed an advanced draft of SOLVING THE MOMENT, which he saw as his most significant written legacy. In accordance with Dan’s wishes, Dorothy Kaufmann, PhD French, MFT, Dan’s wife and colleague, prepared and edited the final version of this book for publication. Dorothy works in private practice with couples and individuals. In her previous life in higher education, she taught and wrote in the humanities. Dan and Dorothy gave couple workshops together and provided therapy conjointly, seeing couples who wanted to work with a couple. “In this posthumous book, Dan Wile comes alive with wisdom, humor and compassion, as the brilliant couple therapist he was. His focus is on “solving the moment” – helping adversarial partners connect and creating a “platform” from which they can see their yearnings and vulnerabilities with empathy. Dan’s stance is collaborative and humble. Rather than exerting clinical authority from a one-up position, he is literally by a client’s side, articulating fears or hopes lurking beneath the fight. His articulation of therapist self-doubts humanizes the therapeutic enterprise. The book is refreshingly honest, funny, and instructive – a great guide for seasoned and beginner therapists alike.” Mona Fishbane, PhD, Clinical Psychologist, author of LOVING WITH THE BRAIN IN NEUROBIOLOGY&COUPLE THERAPY “Dan Wile’s final book distills a master clinician’s work of a lifetime. Unlike many texts on couple therapy, this book provides detailed suggestions for what precisely to say to help couples come together to collaborate – to “solve the moment” and reconnect. The book is free of jargon and even fun to read. As a fan and beneficiary of Dan’s writing and wisdom for many years, I guarantee that studying his clinical examples will improve your therapeutic skill. I heartily recommend this book to therapists of all levels of experience.” Arthur Nielsen, MD, author of A ROADMAP FOR COUPLE INTEGRATING SYSTEMIC, PSYCHODYNAMIC, AND BEHAVIORAL APPROACHES Other books by Dan Wile COUPLES A NONTRADITIONAL APPROACH AFTER THE USING YOUR DISAGREEMENTS TO BUILD A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP AFTER THE HOW CONFLICT CAN IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Genres: Counselling, Relationships

154 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 4, 2021

Reviews

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably not an approach I would use on its own but the spirit of it is exceptional: deeply compassionate and genuine about both client and therapist experience. The biggest strength of this book is how it characterizes partners and therapist being off put by something as an understandable attempt at something, like repeating yourself might be because you don’t feel heard, or you express anger because it feels safer than fear. And as couple therapists it’s easy to get frustrated and fall into our own maladaptive patterns, becoming part of the cycle too. The book offers lots of helpful, non judgmental questions to borrow, and lots of ways of doubling aka framing an individuals point in a way the partner can better hear. I was moved by how hard Dan Wile works at empathy and want to keep that spirit in all my work into the future. Becoming the spokesperson for the partner you find yourself aiding against in that moment is also helpful.

[Liwen Chen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and practical guide for marriage counseling

This book was one of the required reading for my marriage counseling class, and it not only introduced many wonderful skills for counseling but also reorient the counselor to the goal of solving the moment and not solving the problem. Our goal as counselors are not to be a judge between the couple and determine who is right and who is wrong, but to help the couple to communicate in a collaborative way, and stop attacking or withdrawing during the process.

[Keiran Shanahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genius

I had the great fortune of attending Dan Wile's Collaborative Couple Therapy course when he came to Australia. I'm so glad to have found Solving the Moment which provides an elegant and concise explanation of Wile's compassionate approach to couple's therapy.

[Michelle Ackland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. So many great ideas and questions to help couples therapists guide their work towards collaborative solutions.