Your Guide to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss: Hope and healing when you’re no longer expecting

by Kate White

In Your Guide to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss, Kate White, M.D., OB/GYN, miscarriage survivor, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Boston University School of Medicine and Vice Chair of Academics in the OB/GYN department at Boston Medical Center, combines the latest medical research with the information you need—the facts and the forecasts, the hand-holding and the hope—when you experience a pregnancy loss.

Miscarriage affects almost 1 million women in the United States every year. Yet each person experiencing a pregnancy loss often feels alone and full of questions about the process and the aftermath. And today’s health care system is simply not designed to shepherd you and your family through the loss with the information and understanding you need. Dr. Kate provides an experienced hand to help guide you through this painful experience.

Dr. Kate’s book provides women and their families with the two things sorely missing from their experience: detailed answers to their questions about miscarriage, and support and guidance through the healing process. Your Guide to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss takes readers through the journey of miscarriage diagnosis and treatment. It addresses all types of pregnancy loss—like ectopic and molar pregnancies, as well as ones that are often overlooked by the media and other books. 

Filled with accessible information, frequently asked questions and answers, and methods for coping with grief, the book empowers women undergoing pregnancy loss to take control over their experience. Written from the perspective of a medical professional who has cared for women having miscarriages for more than 20 years and a woman who has experienced two miscarriages herself, Dr. Kate’s Your Guide to Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss is an earnest conversation between doctor and reader that provides compassion and guidance, as well as hope for a woman’s future pregnancy efforts.

384 pages, Paperback

Published October 12, 2021

Reviews

[Lackof_shelf_control · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is definitely a choose your own adventure book as there is a lot of different scenarios and situations accounted for within. I feel like the first half of the book is ideally read before or during a miscarriage as it goes over all the options (although I don’t know many who would want to read it before or during a miscarriage). The second half is more about the future - healing , different grieving styles between you and your partner, future pregnancies, dealing with others etc. Overall an easy and informative read to help you feel less alone during a very isolating and heartbreaking life event.

[Shaimaa]

للهِ الأمرُ من قبلُ ومِن بَعد

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Caveat: this book is better than a 3. But I struggle to rate it because 1) I’m pretty sure the intended audience is the person who has JUST experienced a miscarriage, 2) if that is true it’s likely to be a miss for a couple reasons.

I read it 5 weeks after my miscarriage. That meant a large portion of the book unpacking my options and medical jargon and helpful lists of questions to ask my doctor were long past. I had 2.5 days between miscarriage news and D&C. And I can’t imagine picking up this book in those hours when it was fresh.

The book is thick-ish and printed on heavy magazine paper which, while glossy and filled with photos and lists. makes it feel like a textbook. Yet another reason this is not what I would pick up in the days after miscarriage news. Stylistically it’s inaccessible.

I did appreciate the content, especially the awareness of the different family styles touched by miscarriage and how one’s experience is different at different stages of pregnancy. The last few chapters about grief and meaning were especially useful. I felt validated by the section on “if miscarriage is with your last baby” and the pages where the author’s husband articulated his own experience.

In short, unless the goal is for a medical professional to hand this to a family as they’re dishing out getting miscarriage news, I don’t think it’s likely the ideal audience will read this book when they need it most.

[Mariko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I didn't need this book, but I did and it was extremely informative. It was thorough enough, but still easily readable, which is important when you're going through trauma and don't have a great attention span. I especially appreciated the chapter on how to cope with grief and memorialize your loss.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve read on miscarriage. With Dr White being an OBGYN and a woman who has gone through multiple losses, she is able to write in a way that is easy to understand and relate to. The book was perfectly organized with each section specifically focused on the topic of the chapter. Highly recommend

[Marie Kenna-Dixon]

Insightful. Helpful. HOPEFUL.

[Phoenix · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a 26 yo woman who hasn’t yet started trying to conceive I found this book SO informative. I’m so grateful there is this resource out there not only for woman like me who have conceiving on their horizon and want to be prepared but also for woman who have already been through miscarriages of their own. Dr. White writes this book with honesty, brevity, and compassion for woman in every scenario. It is empowering and a must (in my opinion) for couples who look to conceive and be as prepared as possible for all of the possibilities.

[Odalys Palacios · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wished I had read this book earlier, as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It was very informative and really guides you through the different types of miscarriages and the different procedures. It includes questions to ask your provider as well. Losing my first baby I was very unaware of everything around miscarriage and although now I am more informed, I wished this was information I obtained at the onset. Knowing and hearing from the author who is an OBGYN that again this is not our fault just brought peace to my heart. I pray all of us reading with Angel babies get one day to hold our rainbow babies. 🤍

[Andi · Rating 3 out of 5]

After experiencing a pregnancy loss I tend to believe most people turning to books are looking for either emotional support as they grieve, or medically based information for better understanding. This is honestly the best book I have read on the topic from a medical or scientific explanation standpoint.

It is formatted like a textbook, so I almost didn’t read it at first but I think there is so much value in the information shared for those that don’t already have that knowledge. I also think it is a great recommendation for those who are trying to conceive because some of the decisions mentioned are happening so quickly that you might not have the opportunity (or mental capacity) to seek this out in that moment. It’s also a great read for anyone who hasn’t experienced a pregnancy loss to understand some of the physical/medical realities of it to better support others going through it.

If you are freshly going through a loss and needing a book to help you through those early days and weeks of pure emotional wreckage and grief, this may not be what you’re needing for that moment, (the emotional aspect is mentioned but I wouldn’t call it the primary focus). However if you’re needing to understand what your body is going through and what to expect this will be very helpful.

[Ethan | Sol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Regardless of if you’re going through a miscarriage, know someone who has or just wanna know what the process is like. This book has something to teach you. The author is LGBT+ inclusive. Talking about IVF throughout. She makes sure to include trans-men as well. As a gay trans-man myself. I appreciated the discussions about trans individuals who give birth, and get pregnant. She offers lists of questions to ask the doctor at every step of the way. Also as an OB/GYN she’s able to give explanations to terminology that doctors often use. I found this incredibly informative. The author makes sure to comfort the audience reading due to their own miscarriage. Going through all the types of miscarriages. Also all the things one can expect regardless of which path they choose the take. I never knew there was other ways to have a miscarriage other than ‘waiting it out’. Nor was I aware of all the possible health concerns for the person miscarrying.

This was a great book and I’d recommend it to everyone looking to know more on the topic. Especially considering many states are implementing laws against miscarriages based on false information surrounding afab bodies. I learned a lot from this book, and I bet you will too.

[Sarah Herrera · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of a lot of helpful information.But it's hard to tell when the right time to read it would be. The first half is filled with really good information.In fact, information i wish I had had during that first very sad doctor's appointment.

So honestly I think it would recommend reading the first half of the book to anyone just trying to get pregnant.Even though I know it's hard to think about potentially losing something you're very excited about, but also let's face the facts I have heard numbers as high as one in three pregnancies will end in pregnancy loss, So it's probably better to be prepared before you even conceive. And I would hold on to this book at all appointments as well as worst case scenario.There is a list of questions to ask your doctor at the back of each chapter for every type of miscarriage

The latter half of the book definitely is only relevant for those who have gone through miscarriage. She covers everything from how to tell people, how to grieve, how to memorialize the loss, and future steps both for those trying to get pregnant again and for those who know that that pregnancy was their last chance

[Amy Hopping · Rating 3 out of 5]

I mostly love the format of this book, and the medical content seems to be consistent with care currently given to women in our medical system in the United States. However, I found that the doctor who authored the book did not seem to have a view of pregnancy and birth that supported physiological and modern evidence-based strategies. This, in turn, makes me wonder how evidence-based and physiological are the strategies that are used currently—and written about in this book—for caring for and treating women after miscarriages. My biggest complaint about the book is the lack of physiological and evidence-based mentions of pregnancy and birth. My second biggest complaint about the book is the insertion of shorter questions/answer segments that interrupt the main body of the book. It would be much better to have these segments on their own page, as that would lead to smoother reading. I can’t quite recommend this book.

[Victoria Gonzalez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this 6 months after my miscarriage. While I do wish I would have read this earlier, it still brought great comfort and closure to me as I read the book. The last few chapters in particular focus on emotional response and emotional healing and expectations. It definitely made me feel less lonely and "normal", if such a thing exists.
This is a great book for patients who have just found out about their pregnancy loss at any trimester and are looking for more understanding about what to expect in the coming weeks. For patients like me, who are dealing with grief months after, it still brings comfort, however it may not be the most helpful option out there. The last pages are filled with many resources for support groups and reliable sources of information.
All in all, this is a beautifully written book and I would still recommend it to anyone who was going through this.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding myself echoing all past reviews when I say that I wish I never had to read this book, but it was exactly what I needed. I'm so glad I did my research and started with this book, and while it is available in audiobook format on some platforms I HIGHLY recommend purchasing a physical copy like I ended up doing. What I loved the most:

- This book was secular. I am not religious, and I didn't need anyone telling me about babies in heaven or God's plan while having my heart ripped out. This book provides comfort through a medical point of view while also constantly validating your emotional experience without relying on religion. It was a lot of "Your feelings are valid. You may feel *insert earth shattering emotion here* and that's okay." Seems cheesy, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed while I was in the height of my grief. The only mention of religion is during the "healing" part of the book, where she goes over possible ways to grieve which can include religious ceremonies/practices, but these are far from the only examples she gives.

- This book is written by a cis woman who had not one, but TWO miscarriages, both different experiences. This added to how understanding the book was, because it was coming from a person who actually knew what I was going through, not just a doctor blandly assuring me that "miscarriages are normal". She also adds bits of her own stories, and her partners, which was extremely comforting.

- It's written by a doctor who treats miscarriages and teaches about women's health. She listed all the possible medications I could be put on, or procedures I may have to go through, and outlined all side effects and steps in a way I was able to understand. Because of this, I was at least a bit prepared before I went in for follow up doctor's appointments about next steps, and I didn't have to do frantic Google searches after every appointment.

- Why I recommend the physical copy: There are sections in the physical book where she breaks down questions you should ask your doctor. This was HUGE for me, especially when you're emotional and heartbroken in a doctor's office. How are you supposed to remember your questions, or even know what questions you should be asking? This book did that for me, and has a place for you to write your doctor's response so you can look back on it when you need it.

Anyway, I hope if you're reading this you'll never have to read this book, but if you do I highly recommend it. It'll be okay <3

[Kimmie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super informative, but also you could hear a person behind that information. I think everyone should read this before they even try to conceive. You hope you never need the information, but it is good to know these things going in. It would also be beneficial for a medical professional or for family member/friend support systems. The flow is great, it answers all the questions, and Dr. White brings in her own personal experience in a beautiful way.

[Daniella Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good guide if you're going through pregnancy loss - but I think it would also be helpful if somebody you care about is going through it and you want to educate yourself on what they're going through. Covers all types of pregnancy loss and the treatment options, as well as looking at grief and how it may vary. I've read quite a few books on pregnancy loss over the past 18 months but this was one of the most comprehensive.

[Zainab Al Lawati · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative and validates a lot of perspectives and emotions, expressing them in a clear and factual way.
Would probably work better as a physical book as opposed to an audiobook, so that the reader can go to the chapters they are interested in.

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very practical, informative, readable and approachable. I wish I did not relate to the content, and I didn’t for every chapter, but after experiencing 2 early miscarriages, this book helped me anticipate potential next steps and ground the experience.

[Becca Beltran · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was helpful in the aspect that it took a lot of the guilt away. I do wish it touched on recurring miscarriage more but then again it’d be very helpful for moms going through their first one.

[Kaleigh Veras · Rating 5 out of 5]

After a traumatic miscarriage on Mother’s Day, this book was crucial in my healing journey and helped me feel stable enough to get pregnant again. My now 13 month old wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the much needed therapy this book provided me.

[Corina Sanchez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good and helpful

[Kym Couch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really fantastic book. So informative, helpful, and compassionate.

[Tung Tram · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is very informative, down to the point and concise. She addresses both physical and emotional aspect so it is not too dry cut. I listened to the audio book and find it very digestible.