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Millennial Love
In Millennial Love journalist Olivia Petter explores the questions, quirks and anxieties that consume the contemporary dating landscape.
Olivia scrutinises the myths surrounding modern romance and asks why, despite having endless technology designed to aid communication, it’s harder to meet someone now than ever before.
The book is based on the Independent’s chart-topping podcast of the same name and expands on some of the issues discussed on the show, including why contraception is a feminist issue, how dating apps have altered our understanding of attraction, and how 'Love Island' became the unlikely lens through which the consequences of so many of these things were exposed.
Other topics covered include read receipt anxiety, why we need to rethink our relationship with porn, and the significance of ‘sliding into someone’s DMs’.
By combining memoir with social commentary and interviews with the likes of Lisa Taddeo, Munroe Bergdof and Charly Cox, Millennial Love is an essential handbook on what it means to love today.
Olivia scrutinises the myths surrounding modern romance and asks why, despite having endless technology designed to aid communication, it’s harder to meet someone now than ever before.
The book is based on the Independent’s chart-topping podcast of the same name and expands on some of the issues discussed on the show, including why contraception is a feminist issue, how dating apps have altered our understanding of attraction, and how 'Love Island' became the unlikely lens through which the consequences of so many of these things were exposed.
Other topics covered include read receipt anxiety, why we need to rethink our relationship with porn, and the significance of ‘sliding into someone’s DMs’.
By combining memoir with social commentary and interviews with the likes of Lisa Taddeo, Munroe Bergdof and Charly Cox, Millennial Love is an essential handbook on what it means to love today.
240 pages, Hardcover
Published July 22, 2021
28 people are currently reading
1335 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
January 23, 2022
Every woman born after 1970 should read this book.
I’ve actually never listened to the chart-topping podcast of the same name, but this memoir combined with social commentary and interviews was insightful and timely—highly recommend.
(Even though I don’t personally identify as a millennial lol.)
I’ve actually never listened to the chart-topping podcast of the same name, but this memoir combined with social commentary and interviews was insightful and timely—highly recommend.
(Even though I don’t personally identify as a millennial lol.)
November 10, 2022
I was so excited about this book and was very surprised by the honesty I found in it. Olivia Petter writes about her views on topics that affect especially dating in your 20s but she also details her own experiences with it. Really enjoyed it and took some interesting learnings out of it.
May 4, 2021
How much sleep have I lost over being left on read, stalking a potential Bumble date before crafting the *perfect* opening line and wondering whether I’ve been blocked by an ex or if they’re “just taking an insta break”? Sadly, A LOT! Millennial Love nails dating in the modern age, but also provides some valuable commentary beyond swiping right, on topics including contraception and porn.
The book sums up the angsty texts in my group chats about behaviours (and non behaviours) of our respective dates, and I felt extremely seen for about 80% of the book. But it also touches on the stuff which, for some reason, we still don’t talk about with friends, which has given me a lot to think about.
While modern romance remains a myth to me, Millennial Love was both a depressingly accurate and reassuring remedy. Thank you to the publishers for the advance copy!
My friends and I always joke about writing some version of a book like this, so I also thank the author for bringing it to life so wonderfully.
The book sums up the angsty texts in my group chats about behaviours (and non behaviours) of our respective dates, and I felt extremely seen for about 80% of the book. But it also touches on the stuff which, for some reason, we still don’t talk about with friends, which has given me a lot to think about.
While modern romance remains a myth to me, Millennial Love was both a depressingly accurate and reassuring remedy. Thank you to the publishers for the advance copy!
My friends and I always joke about writing some version of a book like this, so I also thank the author for bringing it to life so wonderfully.
February 2, 2023
I feel really, really mean giving this such a low rating. Maybe it’s my own fault for having too high expectations, but this fell flat in so many ways.
Almost nothing about this book was original or felt like I was hearing anything I hadn’t heard before. And YES of course love is probably THE hardest topic to be original about given that almost everything is about love in some capacity, but still. This book was very clearly marketed as an exploration of millennial love and dating in particular, some of the main takeaways including: dating apps (mostly) suck! Social media is annoying! Texting is annoying! You probably shouldn’t use meaningless sex as a way to cope with a breakup! Especially not if you’re going to pair the aforementioned meaningless sex with unrestrained alcohol consumption! Allowing yourself to work through your feelings is quite healthy, actually! Having a timeline for your love life is unrealistic!
Another thing that annoyed me about this book was the sheer chaos of the topics covered and the structure of the book. Of course I’m never going to fault a book for covering important things like #MeToo and contraception, but the way it was all structured made it feel out of place. One minute, we’re talking about Love Island and the next minute we’re talking about workplace sexual harassment. It didn’t flow, it didn’t make sense, it felt rushed and surface level and I became very confused.
Also a minor point, but when Florence Given (caveat: I’m not her biggest fan) tried to explain how ghosting is similar to capitalism. ?????????? I’m not even going to dignify this one with a response. This is just silly.
I hope I haven’t made anyone too mad with this review as I’m now realising how negative and grating it is. This is just my silly old opinion and if you disagree that is completely 100% fine. Not judging anyone who liked this book / found it helpful - it just wasn’t for me!
Almost nothing about this book was original or felt like I was hearing anything I hadn’t heard before. And YES of course love is probably THE hardest topic to be original about given that almost everything is about love in some capacity, but still. This book was very clearly marketed as an exploration of millennial love and dating in particular, some of the main takeaways including: dating apps (mostly) suck! Social media is annoying! Texting is annoying! You probably shouldn’t use meaningless sex as a way to cope with a breakup! Especially not if you’re going to pair the aforementioned meaningless sex with unrestrained alcohol consumption! Allowing yourself to work through your feelings is quite healthy, actually! Having a timeline for your love life is unrealistic!
Another thing that annoyed me about this book was the sheer chaos of the topics covered and the structure of the book. Of course I’m never going to fault a book for covering important things like #MeToo and contraception, but the way it was all structured made it feel out of place. One minute, we’re talking about Love Island and the next minute we’re talking about workplace sexual harassment. It didn’t flow, it didn’t make sense, it felt rushed and surface level and I became very confused.
Also a minor point, but when Florence Given (caveat: I’m not her biggest fan) tried to explain how ghosting is similar to capitalism. ?????????? I’m not even going to dignify this one with a response. This is just silly.
I hope I haven’t made anyone too mad with this review as I’m now realising how negative and grating it is. This is just my silly old opinion and if you disagree that is completely 100% fine. Not judging anyone who liked this book / found it helpful - it just wasn’t for me!
October 2, 2021
I enjoyed elements of this book and the topics were interesting. The anecdotes from the author were really relevant and funny, I really love how self-effacing and honest she is, it’s something I like to read from authors when they write about themselves. I would have enjoyed the book more if it had more of a range of people contributing, couldn’t help but feel there were a lot of white, middle class privileged prospectives rammed in but then also made points about being inclusive which felt a bit contradictory (extra minus for including Florence Given who makes my blood boil). Also, couldn’t help but feel it was a bit of an effort to read like ‘Everything I Know About Love’ which sadly it did not. A nice enjoyable light read for a rainy afternoon having said all that.
February 2, 2022
I really loved reading (and listening) to this book! Petter does a great job of exploring millennial dating is and looks like. Being a millennial who is dating, this book is so relatable. Through anecdotes and stats, Petter details different aspects from dating apps, the #MeToo movement, pornography, contraception and much more. She shares her own personal stories as well. I really enjoyed this book and don’t regret getting the physical and audio copies! The book was funny and engaging and listening to Petter felt like a friend! Loved it! I also love the front cover of the book. The colours go well!
Highly recommend reading this one!
Highly recommend reading this one!
Read
March 26, 2024Apesar de ter sido uma leitura inconsistente, acho que é um livro que traça uma perspetiva interessante — com limitações — da forma como as relações são vistas nesta geração. Falta aqui muita coisa, claro, e talvez haja algumas ideias feitas, até porque é a perspetiva de uma pessoa e não tenta ser mais do que isso, mas também queria alguns pontos de reflexão importantes.
February 17, 2023
this was an easy, fun, and relatable read. through personal anecdotes of herself, podcast guests, and online respondents, potters helps us make sense of what it means to be a millennial navigating today’s landscape of romantic relationships.
potters is honest and candid in sharing her personal experiences. she is self-aware, recognizing her privilege as a white woman, and some of her own behaviors as problematic. i really appreciated it, especially after having recently slogged through emily ratajkowski’s my body (she constantly made excuses for herself, barely acknowledging her privilege).
though i wasn’t a fan of some of the citations (citing eharmony research?..) and how they were done (simply pasting whole urls??), i have to admit that this book did a great job at making whatever subject matter it was discussing very accessible. it succeeded in identifying the common threads that make these otherwise personal experiences widely universal, and did so in a tasteful and sensitive way.
i am sure many a (female) millennial will be able to relate to instances of agonizing over read receipts, dating apps, becoming “instagram official” with their significant other. and i think that is reason enough to pick this book up, if only to feel a little less alone in this increasingly complex dating landscape.
potters is honest and candid in sharing her personal experiences. she is self-aware, recognizing her privilege as a white woman, and some of her own behaviors as problematic. i really appreciated it, especially after having recently slogged through emily ratajkowski’s my body (she constantly made excuses for herself, barely acknowledging her privilege).
though i wasn’t a fan of some of the citations (citing eharmony research?..) and how they were done (simply pasting whole urls??), i have to admit that this book did a great job at making whatever subject matter it was discussing very accessible. it succeeded in identifying the common threads that make these otherwise personal experiences widely universal, and did so in a tasteful and sensitive way.
i am sure many a (female) millennial will be able to relate to instances of agonizing over read receipts, dating apps, becoming “instagram official” with their significant other. and i think that is reason enough to pick this book up, if only to feel a little less alone in this increasingly complex dating landscape.
May 7, 2023
As a gen-z reader I absolutely loved this non-fiction book, which socially commentates the challenges within modern dating - from dating apps, contraception, pornographic media, #MeToo and much more. It really felt like you were having a conversation with your best friend! So I would love to listen to the author’s podcast under the same name.
“Gone are the days when you'd just approach someone you fancied on a night out and ask for their number.”
“Gone are the days when you'd just approach someone you fancied on a night out and ask for their number.”
January 22, 2023
If Carrie Bradshaw book would be published in the real world, it would be something like this. What is entertaining for a weekly column observing customs and intricacies of modern search of love is not necessarily enough for the proper piece of non-fiction literature.
May 29, 2023
This is too good and I'd gift it to all my millennial friends. And tell them I'm there for them, and hug them and tell them we should definitely start a therapy group, because man, we've been through a lot!
January 1, 2022
What a delightful and insightful book. I listened to this book over the space of a week and what a journey it was. I learnt a lot and managed to reframe how I perceive modern day love and the way relationships have changed for millennials and Gen Z’s. It took it really refreshing and radically accepting stance on all topics and it felt really inclusive and aimed at everyone. I would certainly recommend giving it a read if you are a Millennial and want to learn a thing or two.
5*
5*
June 6, 2023
To start I really enjoyed this book flying through it in just a few days. It was an easy read covering important topics. The book covered a wide range of topics on modern influences on how society views relationships and love— reality tv, dating apps, culture norms, and more are examined. Author, Olivia Petters, was very honest and open in the book making it a very personable read. Olivia was in her late 20s when she wrote this so its interesting reading about her views since she’s not much older than me. The book made me think and reflect, I’d recommend it to others. (In fact I already did)
August 7, 2021
Funny, relatable and relevant.
This gem of a book covers the (unfortunately) very familiar experiences of dating in the modern world in a hilarious, lighthearted way that anyone who’s had to endure swiping on dating apps and sitting through bad dates with strangers can relate to, and then moves on to a more serious and necessary discussion of some of the darker sides of modern dating, whilst still keeping the reader interested and engaged.
Really enjoyed this read!
This gem of a book covers the (unfortunately) very familiar experiences of dating in the modern world in a hilarious, lighthearted way that anyone who’s had to endure swiping on dating apps and sitting through bad dates with strangers can relate to, and then moves on to a more serious and necessary discussion of some of the darker sides of modern dating, whilst still keeping the reader interested and engaged.
Really enjoyed this read!
April 7, 2023
As a millennial this was instantly relatable. The love island chapter was probably what tipped me from four stars to five!
September 15, 2021
A quick and personal read covering timely topics but also many „heavy hitters“, which you will have in all likelihood read up on before.
Online dating, the Me Too movement, consent and contraception all get a mention and I found myself highlighting a few passages and new-to-me phrases. But on the whole I knew all the other personalities and authors mentioned and had at least second-hand experience in every topic discussed. As I am a millennial, I guess that means the book delivered what it promises.
Online dating, the Me Too movement, consent and contraception all get a mention and I found myself highlighting a few passages and new-to-me phrases. But on the whole I knew all the other personalities and authors mentioned and had at least second-hand experience in every topic discussed. As I am a millennial, I guess that means the book delivered what it promises.
Read
September 20, 2021Behind the covetable pink and red cover lies a truth universally acknowledged: modern dating sucks. Whether you’re seeking love at first swipe or just a casual hook up, the obstacles to get there have seemingly taken on a Grimms fairytale facade; maybe you’ve been breadcrumbed, ghosted or orbited? Or are you stashing, r-bombing, cookie jarring or curving your new boo? The terms are as ominous as the landscape that Olivia presents and, along with the help of guests of the podcast, she offers a stark, uncomfortable and funny account of the realities of searching for love in the modern world.
November 12, 2024
Being a few generations older than Millennials, I've committed to trying to get a grip on understanding them.
Why? Well, they are a mystery to me. I don't rightly understand how so many of them are so incredibly miserable at the same age I was, when I was still bounding about, with that big cheesy grin that so many (of either sex) possessed throughout the 80s, when I was in my late teens to my late twenties.
Times of course change. I remember in the early 1980s working for a firm in London, England. My team had worked 16+ hours, helping with a major sale. When a Director/VP found us, still beavering-away at our desks after 11pm, he cleared us out of the office.
Not home, in paid-for taxis, as would likely happen today, with profuse thanks and apologies for us working so long. Oh no. Instead he slipped us (a lot of) cash and off we went, clubbing until we were chucked-out, then back to the office for a nap at our desks before starting work again. With no mobile phones and the telly finishing before midnight us (now) old gits had to, well, have a life! The 80s were the time of 'work hard, play hard', as opposed to now, which appears to be 'don't disturb me, I'm on Hinge'. My generation appears to be the first one in history that wouldn't relish being younger.
Romance of course, was somewhat different. I asked a girl out who was the daughter of the lodger upstairs, another one a cashier at a petrol station, another one at a party, another...in a travel agents, another in a pub, another in a music shop, just one a work colleague, a bookshop in Charing Cross Road, at the swimming pool (long after, my wife) another...well actually on occasions the girls asked, an ability seemingly thought-of as being completely beyond-the-pale now. I was asked for a date halfway-up-a-cliff on a Duke of Edinburgh outdoor activity, but we were both fifteen and neither took a pen and notepad with us when climbing, so I'd forgot her number and she likely the same with mine! No mobile phones then, so it had to be done the 'analog' way. Which meant an approach in-person after catching her eye (and being given the nod to approach).
That though was then, this is now. I was hoping Petters book would help decipher the mystery that is Millennial romance, 'cos from my perspective, it looks like a car-crash in slow motion.
Strangely, Petter is a huge fan of online dating. She has a few reservations but in general she doesn't call for a return to the 'good 'ol days' when people actually talked to each other in person, sized them up and exchanged telephone numbers. Nope, even 'catfishing' gets-the-nod; does no-one think about the poor catfishers? Well yes, Petter does.
Though written during lockdown, the impact that lockdown had isn't really mentioned, most likely because Petter, her head stuck firmly into the screen of her phone, wasn't really impacted by lockdown and didn't notice it much.
Ghosting...well, sort of fine, 'cos apparently its capitalism (eh?) Gaslighting is briefly described and is (phew!) identified as a A BAD THING. Ultimately though, the current way of performing romance - that is, through dating apps, seems to be the approved manner. When it comes to figuring-out how the world works, Petter recommends watching Love Island. Go figure.
As Petter runs her own Podcast, it's probably unlikely that she'd recommend something like 'for pity's sake, get off the phone!' as a regular message. Her podcast guests, which include the novelist Elizabeth Day, the homophobe Munroe Bergdorf, singer Tom Grennan, aren't going to be too challenging, and Petter certainly isn't going to risk inviting say a psychologist who will recommend 'for pity's sake, get off the phone!'
Despite that unwillingness to deeply discuss the nature of the Millennial Generation and the state it's in, the subsequent lack-of-material pushes Petter to dedicate the last third of the book to practical matters, and it's the last sections that ensures I can't give it one-star. So STI's, #MeToo, contraception and pornography get their own discussion. Not though of course mental health caused by too much time spent online.
But it was never going to be, was it?
Why? Well, they are a mystery to me. I don't rightly understand how so many of them are so incredibly miserable at the same age I was, when I was still bounding about, with that big cheesy grin that so many (of either sex) possessed throughout the 80s, when I was in my late teens to my late twenties.
Times of course change. I remember in the early 1980s working for a firm in London, England. My team had worked 16+ hours, helping with a major sale. When a Director/VP found us, still beavering-away at our desks after 11pm, he cleared us out of the office.
Not home, in paid-for taxis, as would likely happen today, with profuse thanks and apologies for us working so long. Oh no. Instead he slipped us (a lot of) cash and off we went, clubbing until we were chucked-out, then back to the office for a nap at our desks before starting work again. With no mobile phones and the telly finishing before midnight us (now) old gits had to, well, have a life! The 80s were the time of 'work hard, play hard', as opposed to now, which appears to be 'don't disturb me, I'm on Hinge'. My generation appears to be the first one in history that wouldn't relish being younger.
Romance of course, was somewhat different. I asked a girl out who was the daughter of the lodger upstairs, another one a cashier at a petrol station, another one at a party, another...in a travel agents, another in a pub, another in a music shop, just one a work colleague, a bookshop in Charing Cross Road, at the swimming pool (long after, my wife) another...well actually on occasions the girls asked, an ability seemingly thought-of as being completely beyond-the-pale now. I was asked for a date halfway-up-a-cliff on a Duke of Edinburgh outdoor activity, but we were both fifteen and neither took a pen and notepad with us when climbing, so I'd forgot her number and she likely the same with mine! No mobile phones then, so it had to be done the 'analog' way. Which meant an approach in-person after catching her eye (and being given the nod to approach).
That though was then, this is now. I was hoping Petters book would help decipher the mystery that is Millennial romance, 'cos from my perspective, it looks like a car-crash in slow motion.
Strangely, Petter is a huge fan of online dating. She has a few reservations but in general she doesn't call for a return to the 'good 'ol days' when people actually talked to each other in person, sized them up and exchanged telephone numbers. Nope, even 'catfishing' gets-the-nod; does no-one think about the poor catfishers? Well yes, Petter does.
Though written during lockdown, the impact that lockdown had isn't really mentioned, most likely because Petter, her head stuck firmly into the screen of her phone, wasn't really impacted by lockdown and didn't notice it much.
Ghosting...well, sort of fine, 'cos apparently its capitalism (eh?) Gaslighting is briefly described and is (phew!) identified as a A BAD THING. Ultimately though, the current way of performing romance - that is, through dating apps, seems to be the approved manner. When it comes to figuring-out how the world works, Petter recommends watching Love Island. Go figure.
As Petter runs her own Podcast, it's probably unlikely that she'd recommend something like 'for pity's sake, get off the phone!' as a regular message. Her podcast guests, which include the novelist Elizabeth Day, the homophobe Munroe Bergdorf, singer Tom Grennan, aren't going to be too challenging, and Petter certainly isn't going to risk inviting say a psychologist who will recommend 'for pity's sake, get off the phone!'
Despite that unwillingness to deeply discuss the nature of the Millennial Generation and the state it's in, the subsequent lack-of-material pushes Petter to dedicate the last third of the book to practical matters, and it's the last sections that ensures I can't give it one-star. So STI's, #MeToo, contraception and pornography get their own discussion. Not though of course mental health caused by too much time spent online.
But it was never going to be, was it?
April 28, 2023
I meant to be honest, I don't know what I was expecting from this book. I always cringed a bit to the term "Millennial" because of how it's usually portrayed as self-absorbed phone addicts, as if we all were the same bunch of superficial beings born at the same time that we only care about our hashtags and words from a blue bird. This was probably not the book for me, and I admit it. It's easy to read and all that tho.
Don't get me wrong, the topics treated are real and serious such as how relationships have been impacted by trends, misconceptions and technology. There are other topics too such as abuse, homophobia, feminist and racism, but excuse me if I sound too snob by saying that it's difficult to take the it seriously when these topics are explained by examples seen in reality shows such as Love Island, threads of Twitter and tabloids. Thanks btw, I have never saw that show and I'm glad to keep it that way after reading an entire chapter on how this "couple" did this or that and why was it love or not. You can't be seriously so naive. Sure, you might say that she reaches to the broader audience that is still finding their way into the feminist movement but a little bit more of a serious approach would have been nice.
When I was young a friend asked me who was my role model, and I always felt so annoyed by that question. Like why would I need someone famous to look up to? I do my life, I don't need to see myself in a famous model or actress for guidance. I keep reflecting on the fact that someone like my friend could have been the one writing this book. And of course, although I have never met the author in my life, I see so many of their characteristics in her, specially how obsessed she is with media and TV.
I feel like the author tried to put a pair of serious glasses to her drama subscription and sulk because she had to face the consequences of being a woman now that things didn't work for her. In my opinion she misses the seriousness of the people that seek therapy and even committed suicide because of these pop culture trends but not because she might be sarcastic or funny, because she is the one who admitted to do a lot of the stuff she criticises. And although everyone is allowed to do mistakes, it sounds more like she had to look into these things when she realised that her pinky girly dream was not going to happen.
Take the chapter on sexual education for example. She tries to destigmatize the taboo over the sexual life of women. Fantastic! Then she explains that she got a STD and she doesn't know if it was because of her ex, the guy she was with in France or the new guy that she's already in love with. Like, no! That's not a f good example! That's just you being an id*** about your own health!
"I can't tell it to a guy that he needs to wear a condom because he's too hot and I want to get laid"
Are you serious? well you should! Do You have your brain between your legs or what?Yes she apologies for it, and says it was follish and selfish, but you didn't do it once, it was 3 times! And then you went to a stranger's house and had sex on the floor of a bathroom with another stranger.
Yes, men are also responsible, but you can't blame it all on the society and men when things go wrong on your own account. That's not the way to support the cause from my point of view, I feel like this stuff makes the whole thing more difficult than what already is for all of us.
Don't get me wrong, the topics treated are real and serious such as how relationships have been impacted by trends, misconceptions and technology. There are other topics too such as abuse, homophobia, feminist and racism, but excuse me if I sound too snob by saying that it's difficult to take the it seriously when these topics are explained by examples seen in reality shows such as Love Island, threads of Twitter and tabloids. Thanks btw, I have never saw that show and I'm glad to keep it that way after reading an entire chapter on how this "couple" did this or that and why was it love or not. You can't be seriously so naive. Sure, you might say that she reaches to the broader audience that is still finding their way into the feminist movement but a little bit more of a serious approach would have been nice.
When I was young a friend asked me who was my role model, and I always felt so annoyed by that question. Like why would I need someone famous to look up to? I do my life, I don't need to see myself in a famous model or actress for guidance. I keep reflecting on the fact that someone like my friend could have been the one writing this book. And of course, although I have never met the author in my life, I see so many of their characteristics in her, specially how obsessed she is with media and TV.
I feel like the author tried to put a pair of serious glasses to her drama subscription and sulk because she had to face the consequences of being a woman now that things didn't work for her. In my opinion she misses the seriousness of the people that seek therapy and even committed suicide because of these pop culture trends but not because she might be sarcastic or funny, because she is the one who admitted to do a lot of the stuff she criticises. And although everyone is allowed to do mistakes, it sounds more like she had to look into these things when she realised that her pinky girly dream was not going to happen.
Take the chapter on sexual education for example. She tries to destigmatize the taboo over the sexual life of women. Fantastic! Then she explains that she got a STD and she doesn't know if it was because of her ex, the guy she was with in France or the new guy that she's already in love with. Like, no! That's not a f good example! That's just you being an id*** about your own health!
"I can't tell it to a guy that he needs to wear a condom because he's too hot and I want to get laid"
Are you serious? well you should! Do You have your brain between your legs or what?Yes she apologies for it, and says it was follish and selfish, but you didn't do it once, it was 3 times! And then you went to a stranger's house and had sex on the floor of a bathroom with another stranger.
Yes, men are also responsible, but you can't blame it all on the society and men when things go wrong on your own account. That's not the way to support the cause from my point of view, I feel like this stuff makes the whole thing more difficult than what already is for all of us.
October 26, 2023
💬 "dating has officially become absurd, we should at least be able to talk about it. In the words of the american novelist anne lamott 'you own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better'"
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.75
wow, this little book definitely packs a punch. i picked this up a while ago, as I love me some psychology-based non-fiction, but was unsure how relevant this book would be considering–as the title says–it talks about millennials, whereas I fall under gen z.
but boy was i wrong. this book introduced, defined and unpacked everything i wanted it to–from first crushes and relationships, to dating apps, to ways that our beloved reality TV show Love Island can teach us what healthy and unhealthy behaviour looks like in romantic and even platonic relationships, to things like the #MeToo movement and even things like contraception and abortions. even though some of the topics were not new to me, these discussions felt like a comfort blanket rather than me getting bored, and I honestly learnt so much from the rest of the book. I mean, did anyone here know that the term 'incel' stands for 'involuntary celibate'? or was that just me?? the statistics in here, covering mainly the UK and at times the US and other countries, are up to date, and shockingly goosebump-worthy. as an academic, i love that the author included footnotes so you can do more research, and directly quoted professionals in the field from multiple different books, news articles, and interviews she conducted with them on her podcast.
going into this book as someone who had not ever heard of the author or her podcast before, I still feel like i got a ✨lot✨ out of this book. this doesn't read as a dissertation at all, but instead feels like you're having a very in-depth, well-educated conversation with a friend, with some Dolly Alderton-esque anecdotes thrown in throughout. I was completely captivated by how Petter flowed from one argument to the next so smoothly, and each sentence was crafted perfectly. I also really loved how she reached out to her audience and included some of their personal stories (anonymously, of course), and she even went back to show the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing string of texts she desperately sent to someone who clearly had no interest in her. i really appreciate how it takes balls to lay all your cards on the table like this, confess all your wrong-doings and regrets in print for everyone to see, and even discuss controversial topics, where she might not have agreed with certain arguments but STILL included both points of view, and i really do believe she did it in a way that is going to benefit so many young women reading this. and that makes this book really special.
if you're a woman in your late teens or early 20s, get on this!! you'll be surprised at how much you didn't know!! & I'm SO looking forward to listening to her podcast now :)
bookstagram: @lilianisbooked
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.75
wow, this little book definitely packs a punch. i picked this up a while ago, as I love me some psychology-based non-fiction, but was unsure how relevant this book would be considering–as the title says–it talks about millennials, whereas I fall under gen z.
but boy was i wrong. this book introduced, defined and unpacked everything i wanted it to–from first crushes and relationships, to dating apps, to ways that our beloved reality TV show Love Island can teach us what healthy and unhealthy behaviour looks like in romantic and even platonic relationships, to things like the #MeToo movement and even things like contraception and abortions. even though some of the topics were not new to me, these discussions felt like a comfort blanket rather than me getting bored, and I honestly learnt so much from the rest of the book. I mean, did anyone here know that the term 'incel' stands for 'involuntary celibate'? or was that just me?? the statistics in here, covering mainly the UK and at times the US and other countries, are up to date, and shockingly goosebump-worthy. as an academic, i love that the author included footnotes so you can do more research, and directly quoted professionals in the field from multiple different books, news articles, and interviews she conducted with them on her podcast.
going into this book as someone who had not ever heard of the author or her podcast before, I still feel like i got a ✨lot✨ out of this book. this doesn't read as a dissertation at all, but instead feels like you're having a very in-depth, well-educated conversation with a friend, with some Dolly Alderton-esque anecdotes thrown in throughout. I was completely captivated by how Petter flowed from one argument to the next so smoothly, and each sentence was crafted perfectly. I also really loved how she reached out to her audience and included some of their personal stories (anonymously, of course), and she even went back to show the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing string of texts she desperately sent to someone who clearly had no interest in her. i really appreciate how it takes balls to lay all your cards on the table like this, confess all your wrong-doings and regrets in print for everyone to see, and even discuss controversial topics, where she might not have agreed with certain arguments but STILL included both points of view, and i really do believe she did it in a way that is going to benefit so many young women reading this. and that makes this book really special.
if you're a woman in your late teens or early 20s, get on this!! you'll be surprised at how much you didn't know!! & I'm SO looking forward to listening to her podcast now :)
bookstagram: @lilianisbooked
December 22, 2022
This book made me glad of two things: the first, that I am no longer single, and so therefore not on the dating scene; the second is that I use hardly any social media.
I saw the book when I went to the Cheltenham literature festival this year. Before that, I hadn't heard of Petter, and I hadn't listened to her podcast. Even though I'm not dating now, when I saw this book, I was intrigued by it and this is because for a few years, I did try online dating. I didn't find the love of my life through online dating. What I did find were a lot of men either just wanting to play the field, or men who were clearly still caught up in their ex, and just hedging their bets to pass some time before she may allow them back. I found the online dating world very depressing, and reading an account of it through this book has reinforced that feeling for me.
Petter uses her own experiences, as well as the experiences of others throughout this work. It shows that we are all facing the same problems, if we are looking for love in the modern world. For all the different social media platforms, and dating apps that there are, it shows that we are perhaps less connected than we have ever been. Gone are the days where you seem to meet someone by seeing them when you are on a night out, and they ask for your number. Now, you may see someone that you like when you are out, but you won't approach them, you'll just decide to try and cyber-stalk them, to find as much information as you can about them, and then maybe send them a message. To me, this is such a weird way to go around things, but this may be because I wouldn't class myself as a millenial.
The reason that I have only awarded 3 stars is that, at times, I wished that Petter had looked at things in more detail. There is a very dark side to social media, and I felt that this was only examined at a surface level. The tendency to stalk people online, for example, I felt could have been examined in more depth. If this is how you find the person that you are attracted to, what impact/effect does this have on your relationship, if you end up together? Do we have partners who are still 'stalking' the object of their affection when they are a couple? And if so, what does this then do to the person/s and the relationship?
One thing is certain after reading this book; if I ever end up single again, I would steer well clear of online dating, even if it meant staying single for the rest of my days.
I saw the book when I went to the Cheltenham literature festival this year. Before that, I hadn't heard of Petter, and I hadn't listened to her podcast. Even though I'm not dating now, when I saw this book, I was intrigued by it and this is because for a few years, I did try online dating. I didn't find the love of my life through online dating. What I did find were a lot of men either just wanting to play the field, or men who were clearly still caught up in their ex, and just hedging their bets to pass some time before she may allow them back. I found the online dating world very depressing, and reading an account of it through this book has reinforced that feeling for me.
Petter uses her own experiences, as well as the experiences of others throughout this work. It shows that we are all facing the same problems, if we are looking for love in the modern world. For all the different social media platforms, and dating apps that there are, it shows that we are perhaps less connected than we have ever been. Gone are the days where you seem to meet someone by seeing them when you are on a night out, and they ask for your number. Now, you may see someone that you like when you are out, but you won't approach them, you'll just decide to try and cyber-stalk them, to find as much information as you can about them, and then maybe send them a message. To me, this is such a weird way to go around things, but this may be because I wouldn't class myself as a millenial.
The reason that I have only awarded 3 stars is that, at times, I wished that Petter had looked at things in more detail. There is a very dark side to social media, and I felt that this was only examined at a surface level. The tendency to stalk people online, for example, I felt could have been examined in more depth. If this is how you find the person that you are attracted to, what impact/effect does this have on your relationship, if you end up together? Do we have partners who are still 'stalking' the object of their affection when they are a couple? And if so, what does this then do to the person/s and the relationship?
One thing is certain after reading this book; if I ever end up single again, I would steer well clear of online dating, even if it meant staying single for the rest of my days.
January 31, 2023
All at once, this book made me shudder, laugh out loud, nod my head vigorously in agreement and desperately wish I could sit down for a cuppa with author and podcast host Olivia Petter to just have a good old yarn about it all!
While not the most addictive of reads, it was a combination of her effortlessly entertaining tone and relaxed way of writing that felt a bit like listening to a girlfriend fill you in on some rather juicy antics from a night out you had missed -- that kept me turning the page.
My favourite chapters were "getting your kicks from blue ticks" (oh, the relatability!) and the "contraception question" which I found the most informative and also enraging, like why oh why do men throw tantrums about simply wearing a non-harmful, without-side-effects and entirely pain-free condom considering the drastic and typically evasive measures women are forced to take in pursuit of contraception??
If you're looking for a non-fic read that is the perfect blend of highly relatable, funny and sweet, definitely pick up Millennial Love. If you've ever wondered "do others ever feel this way?" when you find yourself tapping on your crush's insta for the third time that week and worry if it's borderline obsessive behaviour, read this book.
If you notice you feel kind of sick at being left on read and wonder if that's leftover trauma from your ex (me) who used to do that all the time .... read this book.
"Millennial Love" offers a quiet reprieve and much needed refuge from all those queries and anxieties, by reminding us of the masses of women and non-binary individuals who have experienced all of these doubts and habits and overthinking, forever-daydreaming-about-love-rather-than-actually-putting-yourself-out-there tendencies.
BRB - going to binge listen to Petter's podcast by the same name now...
While not the most addictive of reads, it was a combination of her effortlessly entertaining tone and relaxed way of writing that felt a bit like listening to a girlfriend fill you in on some rather juicy antics from a night out you had missed -- that kept me turning the page.
My favourite chapters were "getting your kicks from blue ticks" (oh, the relatability!) and the "contraception question" which I found the most informative and also enraging, like why oh why do men throw tantrums about simply wearing a non-harmful, without-side-effects and entirely pain-free condom considering the drastic and typically evasive measures women are forced to take in pursuit of contraception??
If you're looking for a non-fic read that is the perfect blend of highly relatable, funny and sweet, definitely pick up Millennial Love. If you've ever wondered "do others ever feel this way?" when you find yourself tapping on your crush's insta for the third time that week and worry if it's borderline obsessive behaviour, read this book.
If you notice you feel kind of sick at being left on read and wonder if that's leftover trauma from your ex (me) who used to do that all the time .... read this book.
"Millennial Love" offers a quiet reprieve and much needed refuge from all those queries and anxieties, by reminding us of the masses of women and non-binary individuals who have experienced all of these doubts and habits and overthinking, forever-daydreaming-about-love-rather-than-actually-putting-yourself-out-there tendencies.
BRB - going to binge listen to Petter's podcast by the same name now...
January 5, 2022
Most of this book did not feel new to me - but that is what made it so brilliant. I think non-fiction should reflect the truths we already recognise but then help us to articulate them in a new way. And that is exactly what this unofficial guidebook to modern dating did for me. As someone who is more familiar than I would like to be with the trials and tribulations of millennial love, Olivia Petter’s observations did not feel revolutionary but they were comforting.
And I’ve lost track of the many times I paused between chapters to text a friend and say ‘doesn’t this sound exactly like what so and so went through.’ It is also beautifully written, while packed full of expert testimony from psychologists, scientists, and other millennials. Petter’s honest accounts of her own experiences, which were both heartbreaking and heartwarming, were a particular highlight.
So while the content didn’t feel groundbreaking for me, I thought this was the book’s biggest strength. It felt as if the author had almost reached into my brain, and the next time I’m talking about modern love, I’ll be sure to reach for this book that so brilliantly encapsulates so much of what needs to be said about the topic.
And I’ve lost track of the many times I paused between chapters to text a friend and say ‘doesn’t this sound exactly like what so and so went through.’ It is also beautifully written, while packed full of expert testimony from psychologists, scientists, and other millennials. Petter’s honest accounts of her own experiences, which were both heartbreaking and heartwarming, were a particular highlight.
So while the content didn’t feel groundbreaking for me, I thought this was the book’s biggest strength. It felt as if the author had almost reached into my brain, and the next time I’m talking about modern love, I’ll be sure to reach for this book that so brilliantly encapsulates so much of what needs to be said about the topic.
June 7, 2023
3.5 stars. I enjoyed this book and I think the content is relevant and interesting. However, I don't understand the title. I would rephrase it as "Millenial dating" and then it would make sense.
From the title, I expected more about romantic relationships challenges and experiences (such as how to manage trust). The first part is mainly about how to find a partner and the challenges associated with dating apps, texting etc. The second part is more about sexuality, but mainly about the negative sides of it. That is why I don't see the link with love, but with dating. I expected to learn more about the relationship itself, about how to have a healthy relationship, when the love is already there.
I understand the importance of the topics the author mentionned (such as sexual violence), but I don't associate them with love. Maybe if the title was different I would have had different expectations about the book and would have liked it more...
However, I still enjoyed it a lot, and I felt understood in many topics. Also maybe I didn't find the content so original, but I still think books like this one are important.
From the title, I expected more about romantic relationships challenges and experiences (such as how to manage trust). The first part is mainly about how to find a partner and the challenges associated with dating apps, texting etc. The second part is more about sexuality, but mainly about the negative sides of it. That is why I don't see the link with love, but with dating. I expected to learn more about the relationship itself, about how to have a healthy relationship, when the love is already there.
I understand the importance of the topics the author mentionned (such as sexual violence), but I don't associate them with love. Maybe if the title was different I would have had different expectations about the book and would have liked it more...
However, I still enjoyed it a lot, and I felt understood in many topics. Also maybe I didn't find the content so original, but I still think books like this one are important.
November 7, 2025
This book was quite a whirlwind journey. It’s complicated book that blends memoir, interview, fact and cultural analysis in examination of dating, relationships and sexual culture in the early-21st century. When laid out, it is wild to think about how much the millennial generation really were a part of the radical shifts and changes socio-political movements that have reshaped intimacy. I certainly resonated with many of ideas, moments and key insights of this book, but at points, it is a difficult, harrowing and an uncomfortable read. It raises real contemporary issues for men to reflect on and consider in the modern age. She captures the psychological qualities of dating-app culture, the breathless anticipation of a message, the existential dread of a left or right swipe, and the numbing effect of endless choice. It’s a diverse exploration of porn, contraception, sex histories, heterosexual behaviour, body image, loneliness, isolation, communication, authenticity, the pandemic and its effects on building contemporary relationships and how love is envisaged. Amidst the noise of digital connection, she carves out space for reflection, empathy, and hope.
May 9, 2021
I will start off with a confession - I haven’t used a dating app in my life which I feel is pretty un-millennial thing so reading certain parts of the book were an eye-opener for me. Dating in a digital time where you can find out everything about the person in a matter of seconds is scary and as Olivia points out at moments it can take out the beauty of learning / meeting the person as you would in real life. However, with apps and social media being a part of everyday lives, it’s interesting to see how love/dating has adapted to it. Olivia draws on her own experiences but also on experiences of her guests on her podcast show.
As the book moves from initial dating app swiping, Olivia also talks about contraceptives, porn, feminism, gaslighting, sex workers, lack of sex-education, abortions and the #MeToo movement. There is a focus on why as women we need to continue talking about all of these topics which are in still parts presented as taboo yet affect us daily. Whilst reading the book I thought about my own experiences and the joy I got when I felt able to talk to my friends about it but also the anxious feeling I got before introducing some of the topics into conversations. Reflecting back now, there are still a few topics I never talked to my friends about and would be unsure on how to start them as growing up you’re taught to not talk about them.
Overall, I found the book easy to read, constantly wanting more and really enjoyed that besides reading on life experiences it was accompanied with statistics. “Millennial Love” is a book that is relatable, funny, sad, scary and informative.
Thank you to the publishers for sending me an advanced copy of the book.
As the book moves from initial dating app swiping, Olivia also talks about contraceptives, porn, feminism, gaslighting, sex workers, lack of sex-education, abortions and the #MeToo movement. There is a focus on why as women we need to continue talking about all of these topics which are in still parts presented as taboo yet affect us daily. Whilst reading the book I thought about my own experiences and the joy I got when I felt able to talk to my friends about it but also the anxious feeling I got before introducing some of the topics into conversations. Reflecting back now, there are still a few topics I never talked to my friends about and would be unsure on how to start them as growing up you’re taught to not talk about them.
Overall, I found the book easy to read, constantly wanting more and really enjoyed that besides reading on life experiences it was accompanied with statistics. “Millennial Love” is a book that is relatable, funny, sad, scary and informative.
Thank you to the publishers for sending me an advanced copy of the book.
April 16, 2023
Olivia Petter's journalistic research paired with personal anecdotes makes Millennial Love an entertaining and educational look at a generational phenomenon. Starting with the all-too-relatable online dating games, popular culture, and social media usage that permeates our daily lives to the more somber topics of sexual assault and women's healthcare rights, Petter gives a highly topical and relevant overview of what it is like to date in the Millennial era. I was mostly intrigued by the first half, or the lighter half, which focused primarily on dating apps and how the landscape has been paved anew for single people everywhere because of them. The latter half of the book is extremely important, but felt a bit like Petter was preaching to the choir by that point. Either way, it presents a good laugh and moan session, and is definitely something I'd recommend picking up if you're a Millennial tired of the dating scene, or simply someone who is curious about it!
December 7, 2024
I thought the personal stories were endearing and Olivia to seem like a fun person I would get on with, in the Dolly Alderton box of author. However, and this is partly my own fault for reading a book with the word millennial in the title, I found nothing about the main body of work original, interesting or even really about love! This smacked of a podcast book deal written in covid that probably didn’t need to be written- I think a memoir would have been more to this authors style. I struggled not to compare this to conversations on love, which is a book actually about love rather than just describing dating fads. What’s more, everything was written in such shallow detail that even if everything written hadn’t been said a million times, you wouldn’t get a good idea really of the problems at hand. A shame really, want my £7 back
August 26, 2025
Between 2.5 and 3 stars. Unfortunately most of this book fell a bit flat - like the author was just repeating things heard here and there, and mixing them in with some cliches.
I have never listened to the podcast but I can see how that format would work - as a book, especially when advertised as “part memoir”, it brought nothing new to the table. I enjoyed the last chapter and the final notes, as I feel the author got more honest in them, but the rest were meh (and why was there a whole chapter on Love Island? What editor read and approved it? Like- why?)
I have never listened to the podcast but I can see how that format would work - as a book, especially when advertised as “part memoir”, it brought nothing new to the table. I enjoyed the last chapter and the final notes, as I feel the author got more honest in them, but the rest were meh (and why was there a whole chapter on Love Island? What editor read and approved it? Like- why?)
August 17, 2021
Wow wow wow!!! This book was such a good read. I saw a review in The Stylist, and thought it was only right to put it to the test. Olivia covered all the topics that were needed to be mentioned when writing this, and managed to interweave her own opinions within the story.
She rightfully grabs the reader from the beginning of the story. As a non fiction lover, I just adored this book. It really helped me to understand the uncomfortableness felt as a single woman in her 20s.
She rightfully grabs the reader from the beginning of the story. As a non fiction lover, I just adored this book. It really helped me to understand the uncomfortableness felt as a single woman in her 20s.
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