What do you think?
Rate this book
Illicitum #1
Twelve Jackals
In a divided land where rival factions struggle to gain control using the unique talents of their respective realms, Rakamai and people of Kala curb their use of magic, because to do otherwise steals years from their lives. But when a new alliance turns into a bloody betrayal and threatens open war, Rakamai vows to get revenge and secure the future of his people. To do so, he'll need to fully embrace the magic of his people and bring his own considerable powers to bear. After all, a short future is better than no future at all.
Perfect for fans of Sanderson like worlds and heavy magic systems.
Perfect for fans of Sanderson like worlds and heavy magic systems.
- GenresFantasy
224 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 14, 2021
11 people are currently reading
125 people want to read
About the author
Moud Adel
20 books23 followersMoud Adel is an Egyptian author who lives in France. His mother tongue is Arabic, and his daily language is French. Yet, he insists on writing his fantasy stories in English, using Arabic only when writing poems. When asked about why he doesn’t write in Arabic, which has come up a few times, his answer is always the same because he can express himself better in English. However, on separate occasions, he can also be found debating the beauty of the Arabic language and how rich with words it is. He claims that every emotion can be better described in Arabic for the sole reason that his birth language has more word variations that touch on every feeling.
Confronted by his contradiction, Moud claims that both answers are correct. He says that his home language, while indeed rich with words, is better suited for reaching into his own heart. That when it comes to fantasy, Arabic becomes more of a cliché and makes his words feel more like satire. And since he loves fantasy with every ounce in his soul, he will accept only what does it justice.
Confronted by his contradiction, Moud claims that both answers are correct. He says that his home language, while indeed rich with words, is better suited for reaching into his own heart. That when it comes to fantasy, Arabic becomes more of a cliché and makes his words feel more like satire. And since he loves fantasy with every ounce in his soul, he will accept only what does it justice.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
September 15, 2021
🖤
I admire authors who self publish. Obviously not the easiest of feats to actually you know put words on paper and decide to throw it out there for people to read convinced as you are that you've written something at least worth while.
So big ups to this author for doing this.
🖤🖤
That being said, I'm just going to say, this book is a NO from me. The writing is atrocious. The story has no point. Like why exactly is this even called 12 jackals? Those Jackals barely show up.
There is some needless social and political commentary that just happens for absoultely no reason in relation to the story, speech is stilted, overly protracted sentences that do absolutely nothing for the story except the objective was to increase the word count by any means necessary:
"Retan carried the boy and helped him bathe" -this sentence rightly should have ended here but the author extends it for some weird reason to include, "by taking the water out of a bucket with a cup then pouring it over his body." I mean why? I'm thinking this book had to reach some sort of specified word count because honestly why?
Another weakness in this book is the author's unusual fixation with either telling or spelling out how the veins were bulging in people's hands or necks, people puffing their chest out, and shouting. Why was everyone shouting?? So weird.
"Yamen crossed his arms against his puffed up chest"
"Rakami turned around with his chest thrust out before him"
"Rhett jutted his chest out"
"The Lunardis crossed her arm over her chest...Amalia crossed her arms in front of her chest...Rakami crossed his arms over his chest...Rondai crossed his arms over his chest"
"Rhett's veins popped appearing more detailed on his arms, neck and forehead"
"...his veins popping on his neck as he pushed slowly.
"Rakami's veins bulged on his neck"
"The veins in the Averetti's neck popped out"
"His anger spread into his veins, forcing them to bulge on his neck"
There's even some random part where characters go into some absolutely not relevant to the plot debate on capitalism and communism. I was like wtf????
This book ends with some sort of question mark but then the blurb for the next book in the series is apparently about something entirely different.
🖤🖤
All in all, not a good book. This author can obviously put words on paper but telling a good, even cohesive story is something that needs to be desperately worked on cos this books is absolutely not it.
Random: The only thing this book has going for it, is the gorge cover page.
Would not recommend spending your money on it but it's on Kindle Unlimited so if you do want to read it, i'd advise you read it from there.
June 28, 2019
1.5*
The only things that saved this book was an interesting magic system and a set up to a promising story. The magic system was different for all of the four factions. There was a separate faction made up of members of all the groups to rule and keep the peace. A job they did not do well. The factions were at war, not for the first time either. This magic system sounded so cool, I really wish it was further explored. I only for sure know what two of the factions can do. I think the next books will be better because of this novella. It set up the world and gave a clear mission for the series to come. But a new and exciting plot is not the only thing a book needs.
Now to get into the review. I am mainly going to talk about the structure of the story and the way it was presented. With so short of books, it is hard to review the plot without spoiling the whole book. And most of my issues came from the way the story was written not the story itself.
This was all over the place. It had no consistent voice or narrator. An omniscient point of view that gave at least seven different characters a pov chapter in only 98 pages. It was too much. I didn’t get the chance to feel for any of the characters because I didn’t spend any time with them. Some parts were supposed to be emotional but fell flat because of the lack of character development.
The descriptions in the story were over the top. I found myself rolling my eyes every time something was described. Some of the characters were described as “triangle shaped,” “onyx colored,” “platinum-hued,” and “bronze-colored.” Also, onyx and platinum were used for the same character. I see those as very different and even contradicting. The characters were over the top described, but the land and cultured seemed under described.
Do you ever read a woman's description and know 100000% that it was written by a man? I am not saying this to be mean but to call out little everyday sexism. When a male warrior is described as a normal, or not described at all, but the female is described as follows pisses me off!
Elana walked like a model showing off her hourglass-shaped figure. Her brown skin matched the color of her wide eyes, and her height matched her large tigress as the two walked side by side with their noses pointing upward. Tiran, however, paid attention to his steps, calculating every one he took before he moved his bare bronze feet.”
She was a warrior walking into battle with a freaking tiger, but she was seen as walking like a model and showing off her figure? When the man paid attention to his steps however insinuated that the woman only cared about how she looked walking? This is from a woman's pov chapter too, so it's not even a male character projecting.
The last thing I want to point out is the inconsistent feel of this story. For the first third of the book, it seems to be a fantasy world run with magic and little tech, but then all of a sudden, two people are fighting with revolvers and machineguns. It goes back to the magical low tech feel for a while, then video games are mentioned. Maybe I missed something, perhaps it was obvious, and I didn't see it. Perhaps I was too distracted or frustrated by everything previously mentioned that I didn't see the setting clearly.
Now, I believe that this is a world that exists in our universe but is separated. At a point, ancient Egypt is mentioned, and they talk a lot about the outside world. But to be honest I really don't know.
This book needed a few more rounds of edits. It needed to be checked for consistency. Thank you for the ARC. This is my honest opinion.
The only things that saved this book was an interesting magic system and a set up to a promising story. The magic system was different for all of the four factions. There was a separate faction made up of members of all the groups to rule and keep the peace. A job they did not do well. The factions were at war, not for the first time either. This magic system sounded so cool, I really wish it was further explored. I only for sure know what two of the factions can do. I think the next books will be better because of this novella. It set up the world and gave a clear mission for the series to come. But a new and exciting plot is not the only thing a book needs.
Now to get into the review. I am mainly going to talk about the structure of the story and the way it was presented. With so short of books, it is hard to review the plot without spoiling the whole book. And most of my issues came from the way the story was written not the story itself.
This was all over the place. It had no consistent voice or narrator. An omniscient point of view that gave at least seven different characters a pov chapter in only 98 pages. It was too much. I didn’t get the chance to feel for any of the characters because I didn’t spend any time with them. Some parts were supposed to be emotional but fell flat because of the lack of character development.
The descriptions in the story were over the top. I found myself rolling my eyes every time something was described. Some of the characters were described as “triangle shaped,” “onyx colored,” “platinum-hued,” and “bronze-colored.” Also, onyx and platinum were used for the same character. I see those as very different and even contradicting. The characters were over the top described, but the land and cultured seemed under described.
Do you ever read a woman's description and know 100000% that it was written by a man? I am not saying this to be mean but to call out little everyday sexism. When a male warrior is described as a normal, or not described at all, but the female is described as follows pisses me off!
Elana walked like a model showing off her hourglass-shaped figure. Her brown skin matched the color of her wide eyes, and her height matched her large tigress as the two walked side by side with their noses pointing upward. Tiran, however, paid attention to his steps, calculating every one he took before he moved his bare bronze feet.”
She was a warrior walking into battle with a freaking tiger, but she was seen as walking like a model and showing off her figure? When the man paid attention to his steps however insinuated that the woman only cared about how she looked walking? This is from a woman's pov chapter too, so it's not even a male character projecting.
The last thing I want to point out is the inconsistent feel of this story. For the first third of the book, it seems to be a fantasy world run with magic and little tech, but then all of a sudden, two people are fighting with revolvers and machineguns. It goes back to the magical low tech feel for a while, then video games are mentioned. Maybe I missed something, perhaps it was obvious, and I didn't see it. Perhaps I was too distracted or frustrated by everything previously mentioned that I didn't see the setting clearly.
Now, I believe that this is a world that exists in our universe but is separated. At a point, ancient Egypt is mentioned, and they talk a lot about the outside world. But to be honest I really don't know.
This book needed a few more rounds of edits. It needed to be checked for consistency. Thank you for the ARC. This is my honest opinion.
June 14, 2021
Reading Twelve Jackals was like watching a remake of a wonderful story made even better as he's revamping his Illicitum series.
This author brings us an immersive world you won't soon forget, full of fascinating characters and unique magic systems. Every scene played out in vivid color in my mind's eye. You'll walk away sure you just watched the movie.
I can't wait for the next book in the series!
This author brings us an immersive world you won't soon forget, full of fascinating characters and unique magic systems. Every scene played out in vivid color in my mind's eye. You'll walk away sure you just watched the movie.
I can't wait for the next book in the series!
June 30, 2019
Not just five but a million stars... That's how beautiful this book is.
It's times like these that I wish I was a real honest to god book fairy, with little wings, a wand, a tutu, and magical powers, of course. I'll simply fly around and place this book under the pillows of little kids. I hope this is a huge hit, and all the kids read it. Listen up kids, this book has everything that you're looking for: conspiracy, ego, foolishness, greed, improbable things and a wonderful, wonderful magic system.
Adel is a master storyteller and what a damn fine story he made.
Drumrolls, for my book of the month : War Remnants by Moud Adel.
This book is a novella and it opens up in the continent of Mastoperia which is divided into factions. Each faction has its own unique magic system, something I'm sure no reader would have stumbled upon before . These factions are on the verge of a war and it is the job of the Forbidden Warriors, to maintain peace among them. But their motives suggest otherwise, or so we'll see. Leaders kill each other, betrayal happens, magic is tested to their limits and shaky alliances are formed . Overall, this was a breath taking journey. The characters have flaws yet they are loveable. The story doesn't really end at a cliffhanger but it does set out things for future events . The writing was pleasant and the locations were exquisite. The names sound rich in your mouth ,though with some it's hard to tell their gender right away (maybe that's just me because of my culture).
I highly , highly recommend this series to the lovers of fantasy. Pick it up and you won't be disappointed, I promise.
The only thing that sucks is that November is soo far away!
It's times like these that I wish I was a real honest to god book fairy, with little wings, a wand, a tutu, and magical powers, of course. I'll simply fly around and place this book under the pillows of little kids. I hope this is a huge hit, and all the kids read it. Listen up kids, this book has everything that you're looking for: conspiracy, ego, foolishness, greed, improbable things and a wonderful, wonderful magic system.
Adel is a master storyteller and what a damn fine story he made.
Drumrolls, for my book of the month : War Remnants by Moud Adel.
This book is a novella and it opens up in the continent of Mastoperia which is divided into factions. Each faction has its own unique magic system, something I'm sure no reader would have stumbled upon before . These factions are on the verge of a war and it is the job of the Forbidden Warriors, to maintain peace among them. But their motives suggest otherwise, or so we'll see. Leaders kill each other, betrayal happens, magic is tested to their limits and shaky alliances are formed . Overall, this was a breath taking journey. The characters have flaws yet they are loveable. The story doesn't really end at a cliffhanger but it does set out things for future events . The writing was pleasant and the locations were exquisite. The names sound rich in your mouth ,though with some it's hard to tell their gender right away (maybe that's just me because of my culture).
I highly , highly recommend this series to the lovers of fantasy. Pick it up and you won't be disappointed, I promise.
The only thing that sucks is that November is soo far away!
June 23, 2019
War Remnants is just the beginning, and what a thrilling beginning it is!
I am truly looking forward to The Forbidden Series and seeing where this story turns. Without giving anything away, I'll tell you that Adel had me immediately immersed in the culture and the people; rooting for who I perceived as the good guys.
The heat of the desert and scent of a forest green with life will surround you as you sink into a cast of characters who leave nothing to be desired, from heroes and heroines to villainous scoundrels you'll love to hate.
Now, I'm sharpening up my imaginary sword in anticipation for Book One!
I am truly looking forward to The Forbidden Series and seeing where this story turns. Without giving anything away, I'll tell you that Adel had me immediately immersed in the culture and the people; rooting for who I perceived as the good guys.
The heat of the desert and scent of a forest green with life will surround you as you sink into a cast of characters who leave nothing to be desired, from heroes and heroines to villainous scoundrels you'll love to hate.
Now, I'm sharpening up my imaginary sword in anticipation for Book One!
June 24, 2019
Absolute wonder! I truly enjoyed this author's work. I fell in love first with the characters Rakamai and Tora made me laugh and I was so caught up in them and their struggle against the Averetti's.
The next thing that really struck me was the well thought out magical systems each faction so unique and separate! I had to stop and marvel at it. Such a wonderful worldbuilder, I know I'll be reading this story again. I truly recommend reading this and I look forward to reading more of Mastoperia and the factions and hopefully seeing the world outside of Mastoperia as well. I feel so teased that it was brought up and then stolen away!
The next thing that really struck me was the well thought out magical systems each faction so unique and separate! I had to stop and marvel at it. Such a wonderful worldbuilder, I know I'll be reading this story again. I truly recommend reading this and I look forward to reading more of Mastoperia and the factions and hopefully seeing the world outside of Mastoperia as well. I feel so teased that it was brought up and then stolen away!
July 6, 2019
I LOVE THIS BOOK! Everything about this is so original and different.
It’s been a while since I read a book that involves magic or powers that didn’t feel similar to any other universe. The author’s writing style is engaging and easy to follow. I especially loved how he describes characters and places within dialogues instead of tedious boring descriptive paragraphs.
There’s A LOT going on in this book. Complex characters with different powers and different motives making it extremely engaging and unexpected. Just when you think you know how the story ends, it keeps going in shocking twists.
I can’t wait for the rest if the series.
It’s been a while since I read a book that involves magic or powers that didn’t feel similar to any other universe. The author’s writing style is engaging and easy to follow. I especially loved how he describes characters and places within dialogues instead of tedious boring descriptive paragraphs.
There’s A LOT going on in this book. Complex characters with different powers and different motives making it extremely engaging and unexpected. Just when you think you know how the story ends, it keeps going in shocking twists.
I can’t wait for the rest if the series.
June 25, 2019
Different take on Magic than usual
The author goes in a different route for magic than I typically see and does a great job with it. The characters and their magic seem to be well thought out and are explained enough for you to understand the magic. The characters come across as well developed. The storyline progresses well and while it does jump from perspective to perspective, it is easy to follow and clear who is talking. I am looking forward to reading more from this universe.
The author goes in a different route for magic than I typically see and does a great job with it. The characters and their magic seem to be well thought out and are explained enough for you to understand the magic. The characters come across as well developed. The storyline progresses well and while it does jump from perspective to perspective, it is easy to follow and clear who is talking. I am looking forward to reading more from this universe.
June 28, 2019
A strong start
I stumbled upon this book, and I'm so glad I did. The book starts out with a tense scene, and the action doesn't stop there. From the very first words to the end of the book there is always something happening. The author developed characters that were engaging, and they brought you right into their world. I really liked the storyline, and I can't wait for the next book in the series to come. I would recommend this book
I stumbled upon this book, and I'm so glad I did. The book starts out with a tense scene, and the action doesn't stop there. From the very first words to the end of the book there is always something happening. The author developed characters that were engaging, and they brought you right into their world. I really liked the storyline, and I can't wait for the next book in the series to come. I would recommend this book
November 13, 2019
I read this series backwards. But I don't regret it. This book had so much action and I got to meet characters from the other books, but also I got to meet characters who were only mentioned. The background this installment provides to the series is significant and wonderful. It really ties everything together. More background on the four factions of the continent of Mastoperia. How it they all began. More information on why some of our later friends are the way they are. But aside from background information, it has action. Lots and lots of action. Immerse yourself in battles of several factions members against an even amount on the opposite side. And read how an amazing man has only 12 others to help him, but still pits himself against an entire tribe of 1,000... and their own helpers. The people you meet here have their own unique stories and plans and ways of going about getting what they want. Their own codes of honor, if you will. It's a beautiful story and it's a deadly story. It may be the first installment of the series and you are encouraged to read it as such. But don't be upset if it is a story you come upon in the middle of your journey through the world of Mastoperia either. There are no spoilers in the book, however, there is much enlightenment to be found regardless of where you begin your journey. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
July 10, 2019
I loved how creative the concept and the plot were. The structure of the world alone adds enough depth to keep the story flowing even before anything happens. I was particularly taken by the idea of tribal wars. It was so well written that I could feel the power flowing through me. Add to all of that the magical systems which amazed me. There was a different system for each faction, but my personal favorite was that of Averett. Then there's is the Forbidden City, which serves as a mediator between all the factions. I loved seeing how they work and trying to decipher the motives for each action because clearly, they had their own Agenda.
This is a fast-paced story that kept me wanting for more, and I can't wait for the next part.
The author clearly has a creative imagination.
My favorite characters were Rakamai and Amalia. Reading the fights took me way beyond imagining them. I wished I was there, not fighting with Rakamai, but beside him, for his cause. That's how much I loved this book
This is a fast-paced story that kept me wanting for more, and I can't wait for the next part.
The author clearly has a creative imagination.
My favorite characters were Rakamai and Amalia. Reading the fights took me way beyond imagining them. I wished I was there, not fighting with Rakamai, but beside him, for his cause. That's how much I loved this book
July 24, 2019
I can happily say that I enjoyed the book. I was really interested in the magic system and wanted to know more about the different factions and their powers/abilities. I believe that they could have been explored more and kind of wish that this was an actual full-length book and not a novella so that we could get that history and build more on this world.
The battle scenes were very descriptive and showed the range of powers that each adversary had. I enjoyed that they mixed modern weapons into the magic system.
I did get a little bit lost with the names. A lot of them were very similar so at times I was getting confused as to whom I was reading about. And a lot of them started with the same letter so that didn’t make it any easier to differentiate them.
It is a great setup for a full on series and I would love to read the series and learn more about these characters.
The battle scenes were very descriptive and showed the range of powers that each adversary had. I enjoyed that they mixed modern weapons into the magic system.
I did get a little bit lost with the names. A lot of them were very similar so at times I was getting confused as to whom I was reading about. And a lot of them started with the same letter so that didn’t make it any easier to differentiate them.
It is a great setup for a full on series and I would love to read the series and learn more about these characters.
June 17, 2021
I enjoyed reading this story. This was a quick read and the first book that I had read by this author. The characters are interesting.
June 8, 2020
Preface: War Remnants By Moud Adel presents a great world, with an amazing magic system and lovely characters. Despite its short length, it has succeeded in presenting a new world, one of the greatest magic systems I have seen, and structure an entire story from start to end, giving a satisfying conclusion while giving a clear view to where the main series starts.
Introduction: War Remnants By Moud Adel is the prologue novella for the Forbidden series. It is around 150 pages (which to my calculations should be around... 40-k words). It is a self-contained story that works as an introduction to the world of Mastoperia.
In there, there are four main factions, as well as the overseeing Forbidden warriors. Each faction has their own traditions, features and even completely different magic systems, but it was well done and enjoyable, despite a bit jarring at first when some of those changes (especially technologically) were shown, but it is a non-issue mostly.
Conflict is grown from the very beginning, as the story starts very quickly, and doesn't let you go until it finally ends, giving you the conclusion.
Some point that I saw people have conflict in was editing and proofreading, I was fortunate to not see any of those issues, I did notice one case where a punctuation mark was missing, but that is not a critical issue and did not affect my enjoyment to the slightest.
I have really loved the characters presented here, felt they acted very realistically, and I fell in love with quite a few of them. I would say a few characters were the shining feature of the novel.
The writing style is fast-paced and imaginative, some might not enjoy it, while others will love it. I personally fall into the 2nd category.
I highly recommend reading this book, it has been an amazing read of mine, and I can't wait to go through the rest of the author's books.
Conclusion: If you enjoy fantasy, intricate magic systems, fun battles, and a really engaging story, I highly recommend reading this book.
Introduction: War Remnants By Moud Adel is the prologue novella for the Forbidden series. It is around 150 pages (which to my calculations should be around... 40-k words). It is a self-contained story that works as an introduction to the world of Mastoperia.
In there, there are four main factions, as well as the overseeing Forbidden warriors. Each faction has their own traditions, features and even completely different magic systems, but it was well done and enjoyable, despite a bit jarring at first when some of those changes (especially technologically) were shown, but it is a non-issue mostly.
Conflict is grown from the very beginning, as the story starts very quickly, and doesn't let you go until it finally ends, giving you the conclusion.
Some point that I saw people have conflict in was editing and proofreading, I was fortunate to not see any of those issues, I did notice one case where a punctuation mark was missing, but that is not a critical issue and did not affect my enjoyment to the slightest.
I have really loved the characters presented here, felt they acted very realistically, and I fell in love with quite a few of them. I would say a few characters were the shining feature of the novel.
The writing style is fast-paced and imaginative, some might not enjoy it, while others will love it. I personally fall into the 2nd category.
I highly recommend reading this book, it has been an amazing read of mine, and I can't wait to go through the rest of the author's books.
Conclusion: If you enjoy fantasy, intricate magic systems, fun battles, and a really engaging story, I highly recommend reading this book.
September 20, 2019
This is a fantasy novella with a relatively interesting magic system and world. The people in this book are divided into four factions, each of which commanding completely different and interesting types of magic. Like most societies, the factions play at the idea of wanting peace, but most of their actions toward each other are anything but peaceful. I really liked the ideas in this book; unfortunately, I found the execution very disappointing.
The writing style was awkward and amateurish. A lot of the sentences needed tightening and there were lots of awkward word choices and unbelievable dialogue. Perhaps the worst of this, though, were the descriptions. For the first chapter or two of the book, I thought the characters were magical creatures/aliens of some kind, because they were described using such phrases as "triangle-shaped" and "platinum-hued," which would never apply to a human in any literal or logical sense. The author also had the tendency to lump unrelated words together with hyphens, resulting in compounds like "prominent-shaped" or "gunmetal-almond-shaped" that were nonsensical (I wouldn't begin to know how to draw a prominent or a gunmetal almond, if asked). Granted, there were some sections that read fairly smoothly, and the author does show promise for the future, but I think he published way too prematurely; he needs a lot more practice and study still.
I also found this book hard to follow at times. For such a short little novella, there's a plethora of characters (15-20 or more?). Many of these characters have similar names (Rakamai, Retan, Rondai, Rasd, Rani, Radaman) and very few actually got any real introduction, so I spent much of the book trying to figure out who people were and why I was supposed to care about them. Additionally, there was very little explanation about how social rules/laws and magic worked, so some things felt like they came a little out of nowhere.
While the world depicted in the story was very interesting, I found myself not knowing nearly enough about it to feel satisfied. It was a magic using society, as I've mentioned, but they also had some amount of technology. Air mattresses and video games were both mentioned, and some fighters used their magic to create guns. These things all felt anachronistic because I typically imagine fantasy societies with a lower level of technology, and there was no real description of their homes or how these people lived to better anchor me in the setting. It was all sort of a blur. I would have been happy to enjoy a more contemporary fantasy or science fantasy if it had been properly set as such, but it wasn't really set as anything at all. Also, toward the very end of the book, Egyptians were mentioned, which implies that this world in some way relates to Earth. Whether it was a future Earth, an alternate past/present, or another planet that knows of Earth culture is completely unknown to me, and I would have appreciated some indication of what this relationship was supposed to be.
Going along with that, there was also a small mention of cocoa beans being used to make something smell like coffee, which I didn't really understand because cocoa beans = chocolate and coffee beans = coffee. I wasn't sure what the deal was there.
Also, speaking of worldbuilding, toward the beginning of the book, it was mentioned that people from the protagonist's faction have to give up part of their lifespan to use their magic. This is an interesting price to put on magic and it could have led to some very interesting dilemmas in which characters are trying to reserve their magic as much possible and are being forced to use it, etc. except for the fact that, after it was mentioned, it was completely ignored. They didn't make any effort to limit their magic use at all, and in fact, they didn't really give a thought to the price again throughout the rest of the book. I wasn't sure what the purpose of including the price at all was, since it didn't affect the plot or the worldbuilding noticeably at all.
And finally, there was the story itself. I thought the general plot was interesting, if sometimes hard to keep track of, and I really think that this story would have been better served in a 300+ page book. This would have given the author time to develop the world and the characters appropriately, allowing me better comprehension of the story as well as emotional attachment. As it was, this tiny book was jam-packed with big scenes and an ensemble cast and I didn't really have the time to get attached to any one person, so deaths and other hardships didn't phase me at all. In a longer book, I could have gotten introduced to the characters more slowly and thoroughly and there could have been more downtime and description to show me what this world was actually like and get me emotionally rooted in certain perspectives.
I also feel as though one could argue that the story itself doesn't really start until the end. In the last chapter, four relatively young characters are sent off on what they view as the biggest mission of their lives; I think it would have probably made more sense to start with their story and perhaps just alluded to the events of this book as backstory (that could have perhaps been written out in a companion novel later, if desired).
In general, I hope this author continues to study and hone his craft, as he seems to have some really cool and interesting ideas, but this particular book is not up to the quality that I expect from published work and I can't really recommend it.
The writing style was awkward and amateurish. A lot of the sentences needed tightening and there were lots of awkward word choices and unbelievable dialogue. Perhaps the worst of this, though, were the descriptions. For the first chapter or two of the book, I thought the characters were magical creatures/aliens of some kind, because they were described using such phrases as "triangle-shaped" and "platinum-hued," which would never apply to a human in any literal or logical sense. The author also had the tendency to lump unrelated words together with hyphens, resulting in compounds like "prominent-shaped" or "gunmetal-almond-shaped" that were nonsensical (I wouldn't begin to know how to draw a prominent or a gunmetal almond, if asked). Granted, there were some sections that read fairly smoothly, and the author does show promise for the future, but I think he published way too prematurely; he needs a lot more practice and study still.
I also found this book hard to follow at times. For such a short little novella, there's a plethora of characters (15-20 or more?). Many of these characters have similar names (Rakamai, Retan, Rondai, Rasd, Rani, Radaman) and very few actually got any real introduction, so I spent much of the book trying to figure out who people were and why I was supposed to care about them. Additionally, there was very little explanation about how social rules/laws and magic worked, so some things felt like they came a little out of nowhere.
While the world depicted in the story was very interesting, I found myself not knowing nearly enough about it to feel satisfied. It was a magic using society, as I've mentioned, but they also had some amount of technology. Air mattresses and video games were both mentioned, and some fighters used their magic to create guns. These things all felt anachronistic because I typically imagine fantasy societies with a lower level of technology, and there was no real description of their homes or how these people lived to better anchor me in the setting. It was all sort of a blur. I would have been happy to enjoy a more contemporary fantasy or science fantasy if it had been properly set as such, but it wasn't really set as anything at all. Also, toward the very end of the book, Egyptians were mentioned, which implies that this world in some way relates to Earth. Whether it was a future Earth, an alternate past/present, or another planet that knows of Earth culture is completely unknown to me, and I would have appreciated some indication of what this relationship was supposed to be.
Going along with that, there was also a small mention of cocoa beans being used to make something smell like coffee, which I didn't really understand because cocoa beans = chocolate and coffee beans = coffee. I wasn't sure what the deal was there.
Also, speaking of worldbuilding, toward the beginning of the book, it was mentioned that people from the protagonist's faction have to give up part of their lifespan to use their magic. This is an interesting price to put on magic and it could have led to some very interesting dilemmas in which characters are trying to reserve their magic as much possible and are being forced to use it, etc. except for the fact that, after it was mentioned, it was completely ignored. They didn't make any effort to limit their magic use at all, and in fact, they didn't really give a thought to the price again throughout the rest of the book. I wasn't sure what the purpose of including the price at all was, since it didn't affect the plot or the worldbuilding noticeably at all.
And finally, there was the story itself. I thought the general plot was interesting, if sometimes hard to keep track of, and I really think that this story would have been better served in a 300+ page book. This would have given the author time to develop the world and the characters appropriately, allowing me better comprehension of the story as well as emotional attachment. As it was, this tiny book was jam-packed with big scenes and an ensemble cast and I didn't really have the time to get attached to any one person, so deaths and other hardships didn't phase me at all. In a longer book, I could have gotten introduced to the characters more slowly and thoroughly and there could have been more downtime and description to show me what this world was actually like and get me emotionally rooted in certain perspectives.
I also feel as though one could argue that the story itself doesn't really start until the end. In the last chapter, four relatively young characters are sent off on what they view as the biggest mission of their lives; I think it would have probably made more sense to start with their story and perhaps just alluded to the events of this book as backstory (that could have perhaps been written out in a companion novel later, if desired).
In general, I hope this author continues to study and hone his craft, as he seems to have some really cool and interesting ideas, but this particular book is not up to the quality that I expect from published work and I can't really recommend it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 17, 2020
Short but good
Interesting story and concept. I enjoyed the writing and the story, although I found it to be rather short. Considering this is a prequel novelette I guess that is to be expected.
Interesting story and concept. I enjoyed the writing and the story, although I found it to be rather short. Considering this is a prequel novelette I guess that is to be expected.
September 22, 2020
War Remnats is an introduction novel to the series The Forbidden and gives the reader a taste for more! Great characters, an interesting world and unique magicsystem is waiting for those who dare to open this books ;)
November 2, 2024
An original magic system, and four different factions with each a system of their own, it's good setting to start off with, but because there are 4 different systems, I missed more in-depth information about the magic systems.
English is not the maternal language of the author and this also shows in the writing style. The grammar is correct as far as I can judge (my maternal language isn't English either) but it's just that the build-up of the sentences has little variety.
I understand the choice for English to reach a larger public at once and not wait for a translator to pick up on your book, but the downside is that it reads as if it's written by a teenager.
English is not the maternal language of the author and this also shows in the writing style. The grammar is correct as far as I can judge (my maternal language isn't English either) but it's just that the build-up of the sentences has little variety.
I understand the choice for English to reach a larger public at once and not wait for a translator to pick up on your book, but the downside is that it reads as if it's written by a teenager.
May 24, 2021
3.5 Stars
I wanted really bad to love this book. I was very excited to read the book after the blurb. Magic that shortens lives, alliances, and revenge. That sounds awesome.
In practice, the book did have an amazing magic system. The magic of the different clans was very very cool and I wish we could have seen more of that. The novel is divided into 3 ‘books. I almost stopped reading after the first book. I am a speed reader and I tend to eat up a book very quickly. By the end of part one, I was like okay why I am supposed to care about these people again?
It didn’t help that book one bounced around between characters and places in time. I had to flip back in the book and see where in the timeline this chapter of the book was taking place. This is my own pet peeve which is why it is 3.5 stars instead of only 3 stars.
By the end of part two, I was like alright whose prequel are we reading right now. Part three answered that question. This section of book was snapshots of the new main character, but you weren’t seeing any character growth with the character besides him literally growing older - this character is very one-dimensional.
I think one of my main issues is that the Illicitum was created to help bring lasting peace to the various tribes. Yet, they did nothing to foster peace and understanding between the tribes over the course of 200 years. They enforced the rules but did nothing that would truly bring lasting peace. Also, the ‘real’ world was introduced in one part, and to be honest it seemed very random.
Would I read it again? No.
Would I read the next one? No.
Would I recommend it to others? It depends. Do you care if the timeline isn’t told in a linear fashion? Do you care if the main character shifts depending on the section? If your answer is no, to both these questions, the magic system is interesting enough to pick it up to at least the end of book 1.
I wanted really bad to love this book. I was very excited to read the book after the blurb. Magic that shortens lives, alliances, and revenge. That sounds awesome.
In practice, the book did have an amazing magic system. The magic of the different clans was very very cool and I wish we could have seen more of that. The novel is divided into 3 ‘books. I almost stopped reading after the first book. I am a speed reader and I tend to eat up a book very quickly. By the end of part one, I was like okay why I am supposed to care about these people again?
It didn’t help that book one bounced around between characters and places in time. I had to flip back in the book and see where in the timeline this chapter of the book was taking place. This is my own pet peeve which is why it is 3.5 stars instead of only 3 stars.
By the end of part two, I was like alright whose prequel are we reading right now. Part three answered that question. This section of book was snapshots of the new main character, but you weren’t seeing any character growth with the character besides him literally growing older - this character is very one-dimensional.
I think one of my main issues is that the Illicitum was created to help bring lasting peace to the various tribes. Yet, they did nothing to foster peace and understanding between the tribes over the course of 200 years. They enforced the rules but did nothing that would truly bring lasting peace. Also, the ‘real’ world was introduced in one part, and to be honest it seemed very random.
Would I read it again? No.
Would I read the next one? No.
Would I recommend it to others? It depends. Do you care if the timeline isn’t told in a linear fashion? Do you care if the main character shifts depending on the section? If your answer is no, to both these questions, the magic system is interesting enough to pick it up to at least the end of book 1.
July 4, 2021
Rather protracted story of 4 factions with overriding control from a central body. Unfortunately the tedious nature of the narration lost my interest.
I received my book by way of an ARC from Story Origin and voluntarily leave my review
I received my book by way of an ARC from Story Origin and voluntarily leave my review
June 19, 2021
🏛🏜🏞 A good start for this new series 🦍🐅🐍
Somewhere in another world, or dimension, on the hot sand, Rhett is getting ready for the next exercise.
He teaches the art of magic combat to a little girl, his little Ruby.
Later, in another place a woman member of the Council tells him news.
Now Rhett must make a difficult choice...
But which one ?...
-----------------
An absolutely gorgeous book cover and an original Fantasy world for this gripping novel from a brand new series from the author.
While I found parts of the novel confusing, I liked the very end of the book which really made me want to read more.
However, after reading this book, I was left unsatisfied with unresolved questions...
A good first volume to discover.
Somewhere in another world, or dimension, on the hot sand, Rhett is getting ready for the next exercise.
He teaches the art of magic combat to a little girl, his little Ruby.
Later, in another place a woman member of the Council tells him news.
Now Rhett must make a difficult choice...
But which one ?...
-----------------
An absolutely gorgeous book cover and an original Fantasy world for this gripping novel from a brand new series from the author.
While I found parts of the novel confusing, I liked the very end of the book which really made me want to read more.
However, after reading this book, I was left unsatisfied with unresolved questions...
A good first volume to discover.
October 12, 2019
The book did its job well when it introduced very clearly a world of mages as well as diverse and interesting magic systems of each faction. The book also discusses the relationship and history between the factions and provides a brief introduction to the main characters of the plot.
I really liked the way the author described the magic battle and that made it impossible for me to put down the book. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is a fan of Naruto or Fairy Tales or Harry Potter :). Support the author and the following books.
I really liked the way the author described the magic battle and that made it impossible for me to put down the book. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is a fan of Naruto or Fairy Tales or Harry Potter :). Support the author and the following books.
February 17, 2021
War Remnants is just the beginning, and what a thrilling beginning it is!
I am truly looking forward to The Forbidden Series and seeing where this story turns. Without giving anything away, I'll tell you that Adel had me immediately immersed in the culture and the people; rooting for who I perceived as the good guys.
The heat of the desert and scent of a forest green with life will surround you as you sink into a cast of characters who leave nothing to be desired, from heroes and heroines to villainous scoundrels you'll love to hate.
I am truly looking forward to The Forbidden Series and seeing where this story turns. Without giving anything away, I'll tell you that Adel had me immediately immersed in the culture and the people; rooting for who I perceived as the good guys.
The heat of the desert and scent of a forest green with life will surround you as you sink into a cast of characters who leave nothing to be desired, from heroes and heroines to villainous scoundrels you'll love to hate.
January 1, 2022
This book started off quite confusing for me, because of the wording and left out pieces. That said, once the first two chapters were done, I loved the magic aspects, each faction has its own magical essence and territory customs. The idea behind the magic used has been well thought out and that each magic power comes with a price.
It was a fast and easy read. I think audience wise, it would suit the teenage ages.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
It was a fast and easy read. I think audience wise, it would suit the teenage ages.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
September 21, 2019
This is an interesting introduction to the series. The books seems to bounce from one POV to another, which didn't bother me, but might others. The book is too short to really talk about much here, because I don't want to spoil anything for anyone. I am interested to learn more about the 4 factions and why they are all keeping separate from one another. Also interested to learn more about the Forbidden Warriors and their role in everything.
September 25, 2019
Good first start
This is a good quick read with some interesting ideas. There is a lot of opportunity to expand the story and it absolutely leads you into the next story.
It feels like each faction could have used a little more description of how they function. A large amount was inferred and I hope future stories can shed some light on the cultures.
This is a good quick read with some interesting ideas. There is a lot of opportunity to expand the story and it absolutely leads you into the next story.
It feels like each faction could have used a little more description of how they function. A large amount was inferred and I hope future stories can shed some light on the cultures.
April 18, 2021
Immersive World full of unique magic systems.
How frustrating must it be to have magic but when you use it it shortens your life.
Can Rakamai risk this to get his revenge and help his people or will he die trying before his time.
Is a short future better than no future.
Read on to find out in this amazing magical adventure.
How frustrating must it be to have magic but when you use it it shortens your life.
Can Rakamai risk this to get his revenge and help his people or will he die trying before his time.
Is a short future better than no future.
Read on to find out in this amazing magical adventure.
November 8, 2019
Perfect for fantasy readers looking for a new adventure. Loved the intricate world the author has created with strong characters that take you on a roller coaster ride as they try to bring peace to four very different proud factions. Cant wait for the rest of the series...
April 30, 2021
I really enjoyed this book and I read it from the very beginning to the very end.
I thought the story line was so well done and this is my opinon.
The characters were so well done and this is my opinion.
I got this book for free with an honest review freely given.
I thought the story line was so well done and this is my opinon.
The characters were so well done and this is my opinion.
I got this book for free with an honest review freely given.
June 14, 2021
I won't soon forget this wonderful world full of fascinating characters, brought to me in vivid 3-D color. I walked away certain I'd just watched the movie.
Super excited about the next book in the series!
Super excited about the next book in the series!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews