Brackish Waters

by Matt Boren

Listening Length: 1 hour and 55 minutes

Christina Applegate slays in this unfiltered comedy about a fed-up mom having an epic existential meltdown after the vacation from hell

When Kate wins an item at her children’s elementary school auction - an all-inclusive trip to SeaView at Sandpiper Bay - she thinks it’s just what her family needs after a decade of career disappointments and a marriage on its last legs. She has no reason to believe that said trip is a Fyre Festival-level fraud and, in fact, the catalyst to her unraveling. But it is. Oh, but it is.

Upon her return home, Kate, a failed writer, sets out to publish the world’s most anthemic one-star Yelp review of SeaView at Sandpiper Bay, detailing her week from hell on its brackish waters. And it will be her masterpiece.

At first, it feels good to let her white-knuckled fingers fly ragefully across the keys. But after a while, Kate wonders: Is her Yelp review like the vacation itself, an ill-advised Band-Aid on problems she doesn’t know how to fix?

Genres: Audiobook, Fiction, Humor, Comedy, Contemporary, Novella, Short Stories

2 pages, Audible Audio

First published March 18, 2021

Reviews

[Faith]

Intended to be amusing, but this was saved only by Christina Applegate’s sarcastic delivery. Otherwise, this is a not funny portrayal of a woman wallowing in envy, self-pity and bitterness. This is an Audible Plus selection.

[Nádia (weebna)]

The only good thing about this book is the narration. Christina Applegate definitely makes it easier to go through horrendous story. It was supposed to be funny but it was everything but.
Don’t get me wrong, Christina got the tone and the sarcasm on point. That is the only reason why I’m rating this 1.5… It is all for the narration. But rather than that, the “fun” in this book is basically portraying a woman pitying herself, despising her husband; a very envious, bitter and dislikable woman who also didn’t feel like she liked her family.
I think I get the point of this. Life doesn’t always go the way you want to and most of the times it sucks, especially if you never truly recover from something someone did AND if said someone has a much better life than you. But damn, it was just bad to read this and it wasn’t fun.

[debbicat *made of stardust*]

Very humorous! This is 4 stars ⭐️ bc if Applegates snarky narration. I really enjoyed it on my commutes and recommend it. Pretty entertaining listen!

Update for April 2, 2021. I have now listened to this twice. Not by intention, but it started playing again on audible and I was busy and in traffic so I let play. It is so much funnier the second time! Christiana Applegate is fricken hilarious. I might could even go with a 5 bc of her smart ass, sarcastic narration. I have laughed and laughed. I now can say, "Highly recommended!" This is a vacation you will only want to take thru her eyes tho. Don't go there!

[ᒪᗴᗩᕼ]

Christina Applegate turned this mediocre story into something quite entertaining. It was the perfect length to get me through the rest of my Christmas present wrapping.

[Grayce]

Positives were it was free on Audible and Christina Applegate narrated it, which is why it got 2 stars instead of 1. The narration was great, but it was just a horrible story. I can’t remember a main character I’ve ever liked less than this one. She just rubbed me the wrong way the whole time. There were a lot of clever, humerus little bits of dialogue throughout, which Applegate did a great job with but fell flat and were just not funny because I didn’t like the character. She wasn’t funny like a sarcastic friend I would want to drink with, she just came off as a bitch, a spoiled, whiny, entitled bitch. The horror of her indignity flying coach was too much. She smokes pot with the hotel staff instead of spending time with her family. Well isn’t she just so charmingly lacking boundaries, so refreshing. I just didn’t like her and she became worse throughout the book, culminating in just a larger bitchy scene, then it’s over and everyone goes home. I have no idea what the point of this story was.

[Jo - •.• Midlife Cosy Reader •.•]

This is a quick audio story about a very pissed off lady who is writing to a resort to complain about a recent holiday she just had with her family.

They won the holiday at a silent auction for a school fundraiser and the expectations they had did not meet the reality. The biggest problem however was that her arch nemesis is also on holiday but travelling first class and staying in a more up market part of the resort. Comparing what they have to what her family has is the main source of her unhappiness.

In the end, once she has got everything she wanted to say of her chest, she realises that her life is okay, despite the shitty holiday.

I love the narration from Christine Applegate.

[Deirdre Gerber]

This was the wrong story at the wrong time -- a tale of the ultimate "Karen", full of white privilege and a bad attitude over a disappointing stay at a beach resort won in a silent auction for a mere $20. Meant to be an unfiltered comedy, its late-pandemic release (March 2021) felt very inappropriate to me and not at all funny. The main character's last minute epiphany and resulting apology tour did little to redeem this Audible Original. The good news - Christina Applegate's narration was pitch-perfect. Overall, a big miss for me.

[Deb✨]

Christina Applegate was hilarious and made this fun to listen to on audible. I love her sarcasm and wit and it made this book a good thing!

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can*]

*Audible audio *

[MissBecka Gee]

A short (and funny) recounting of a nightmare vacation.
Bit long for a yelp review, but still entertaining.
Ruby was hilarious and Christina Applegate does a fantastic job with the narration.

[Heather]

Christina Applegate’s narration had me in fits of laughter (and unsuccessfully stifling laughter while walking alone outdoors)

[Christina Rothfusz]

Short little freebie on Audio books - easily finished in one go on a trip to an outlying client.

Christina Applegate's narration was hillarious and had me laughing out loud on a few snarky comments - cause really, all of us have a Norma in our lives!

Kate wins an all-inclusive holiday at a resort - it is her hope that this holiday will put her family back together, yet, as her nemesis shows up at the same resort it quickly deteriorates. Back home Kate is set to write the yelp review from hell, yet, somehow through writing, she discovers why she is so unhappy and hopes to focus on herself and her family going forward.

[Jennifer Harris]

Meh

[Jill C]

I want to clarify that Christina Applegate’s narrating was great, I just really didn’t like the book.

[Clorie]

4 funny self realizing Stars

This was a funny 2 hour listen about a family disastrous vacation mainly at the hands of mom. I like the style that it was written in. Would do another by this author.

[Raina Singh]

Christina Applegates delivery was definitely the highlight of this.

[Elli Lewis]

Bitterness Is Such Sweet Sarcasm

💛 This was a blast. Complete escapist entertainment. Main character Kate is hilariously blunt and just good fun to spend time with. Her jealousy, her anger, her frustration, it’s well expressed and tongue in cheek.

💚 My one complaint? At under 2 hours in length, I whizzed through this in half a day. I wanted more! But this was a freebie on Audible’s Plus Catalogue so I can’t complain (even if I just did…)

Soundbite

🎧 Christina Applegate at her snarkiest, funniest peak. She was amazing.

Shall I Compare Thee To...
Main character, Kate really drives this story. She’s a bit Liz Lemon, a smidge Mrs Maisel and a touch Christina Yang from Grey's Anatomy. Strong, funny, flawed.

Find more bird’s eye audiobooks reviews at Audiobooks Nest.

[Erin]

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ narrator. I would not recommend the book due to the adult language and content. It is narrated by Christina Applegate. I liked her in Dead to Me TV series. This book has the same attitude vibe of her character.

[Sabrina Brimmer]

From the start, I absolutely hated the main character. With all her insecure whining, and basic jealousy, I could not come to like her. She went through a disaster of a trip, sure, but she was ever the victim of other people's doing.

[Stephanie]

There are a few good jokes, but they’re buried in a shrill, annoying story where you could see the last minute redemption coming a mile away.

[Kristin Jensen]

Holy hell, this was disappointment, bitterness and self-pity rolled into a 2-hours listen that was not really my cup of tea (see above mentioned)...

[Ashley Scow]

(2.25 rounded down) This was amusing purely due to the audio narrator. Otherwise, I never would have bothered reading the long-winded ramblings of a Karen’s 1 star Yelp review.

[Anjali]

This is a short funny story of a woman who wins a holiday in a resort in Florida with her family... wait for it... sponsored by her arch nemesis, which she does not realise till she is well on her way to her destination.

Christina Applegate's performance as this frustrated sarcastic woman is fantastic, and I chuckled through the narration.

[Denise Lauron]

I listened to this one on audiobook. The story was fine. The narrator was fine. The music was awful! There was no reason to have the music there. It's an audiobook, not a music album. Plus the music that was chosen made it sound life pieces of my car were falling off on the freeway. I would recommend the book if the music was edited out, but for now, I just give it a meh.

[Kara]

So was hilarious for sure!! The main character, thank goodness she finally gets a clear head by the end, she is honestly obnoxious, whiny, selfish and just down right horrible throughout the story but the end made up for it! Definitely some good laughs along the journey. Enjoyed the yelp review thrown in as well.

[Mahayana Dugast]

Tragic but funny

[Jenn Castorena]

I don’t LOL at too many books but this one made me laugh!
Christina Applegate is so talented!

[Henrik Evjen]

Horrible, horrible main character. Nothing redeemable about her. Selfish and ignores her family and friends, very petty. Horrible.

[Dean]

Fun quick read; great 2 hour Audible listen.

[Mari Anguay]

This might be the funniest thing I’ve listened to on Audible! Christina Applegate was the perfect narrator!😍