You know how people say “it looked good on paper, but...”? That’s exactly how I would describe the book except for the fact that I read a print copy and well, it *didn’t* look so good on paper.
The sad thing is, I was really looking forward to reading this one! A queer YA contemporary where a black basketball-playing girl falls for a brown book-loving girl? Yes, please! I had such high hopes that even though the book literally started with “I’ve never been one for all the girly shit,” I didn’t think that was an issue. Wow, that’s a lot of internalized misogyny, I thought, but I just assumed that this would make the MC’s character growth that much more impressive and so, I kept reading. I was wrong.
Let’s start with the MC: a bisexual Black teenage girl who lives in poverty, with a messed up mother, but is also an amazing basketball player with hopes of making it to college on a sports scholarship. In short, a perfect YA protagonist. But Alexis Duncan is such an unlikeable character that even the nicest, kindest, most empathetic person in the world wouldn’t root for her. She is selfish, childish, prejudiced beyond bounds, and incredibly abusive. Which brings me to the love interest.
Look, as a nerdy South Asian girl who’s as much into girls as she is into Doctor Who and video games, I thought I would love Aamani. But Aamani is a doormat. From day one, Alexis and her friends have called her every racist Islamophobic slur there is in the world, have tried to rob her, have tried to beat her up, and still, not only does she pretend that none of it is happening she actually ends up falling for, and dating, Alexis? Talk about a toxic, abusive relationship. Just because it’s sapphic doesn’t mean it’s okay!
Also, just because it’s sapphic doesn’t mean it isn’t misogynistic. As I mentioned earlier, I ignored the whole “I’m not like other girls, I don’t like girly things” stuff from the first chapter because I thought that was how the MC was supposed to be feeling at the moment but would later learn better. But nope. While I’m all for girls in STEM (like, I actually have an MSc from Oxford, which I’m only mentioning because the author also went to Oxford), but I am not in support of gatekeeping queerness or intelligence. The fact is, girls can be gay AND girly, feminine AND nerdy, smart AND sexy, and hugely intelligent and successful even if they’re not into STEM. Come on, this is 2022!! Aren’t we over these harmful stereotypes yet?
#menwritingwomen #artsandhumanitiesmatter
Speaking of stereotypes, don’t get me started on the Indian/Indian-American/Hindu stereotypes in this book because that will be another 1500 words of me ranting. Haha, we all reference Gandhi and come from New Jersey, haha, so funny. (No, I’m not talking about how the characters blatantly stereotype Aamani, I’m talking about the stereotyping in the actual writing). Also, I’m pretty sure all desi youth collectively cringe at the mention of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo so I don’t see any teenager willingly singing and dancing to it. Why couldn’t the author, who uses a pop-culture reference in (almost) literally every other sentence, find a more current (or classic) Hindi song for his characters to dance to? (For those who don’t know, PRDP is a Bollywood movie that was released in 2015 in an attempt to revive traditional Bollywood family dramas and was a big flop.)
Okay, now back to the book. The plot is formulaic, but mostly coherent if you don’t count the sloppy ending. The writing is okay, but it is marred by an unnecessarily large amount of pop-culture references and homophobic/xenophobic/Islamophobic language that honestly, should have been edited out.
TL;DR: A disappointing and triggering book that is not worth reading even though it addresses some important social issues.
TW/CW: homophobia, xenophobia, Islamophobia, transphobia, ableism, racism, police brutality, hate crime, gun violence, drug abuse, death
Disclaimer: I received a finished copy from a book tour company.
SPOILER BELOW:
This is just a small thing but it bothered me so...
At the very end, when Lex (Alexis) says “I love you” to Aamani in Hindi, she gets the grammar wrong. This could’ve been a cute moment for Aamani to correct her, but we all know how bad this relationship is so of course, Aamani wouldn’t and of course, Alexis would self-congratulate for doing the bare minimum. Or the author just didn’t realize that the grammar is wrong and it’s supposed to be “Main tumse pyar karti hoon” (feminine) not “Main tumse pyar karta hoon” (masculine).