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You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective
In this revised edition, #1 New York Times bestselling author and nationally known stress-management consultant Dr. Richard Carlson reveals a profound breakthrough in human psychology. Most of us believe that our happiness depends on outside circumstances, that by solving our problems, improving our relationships, or achieving success we will find contentment. But Dr. Carlson clearly shows that happiness has nothing to do with forces beyond our control - in fact, he says, it is our natural state.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1992
330 people are currently reading
2904 people want to read
About the author
Richard Carlson
3,565 books1,076 followersRichard Carlson was an American author, psychotherapist, and motivational speaker. His book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all Small Stuff (1997), was USA Today's bestselling book for two consecutive years and spent over 101 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list. It was published in 135 countries and translated into Latvian, Polish, Icelandic, Serbian and 26 other languages. Carlson went on to write 20 books.
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April 26, 2024
All that you achieve and all that you fail to achieve is the direct result of your own thoughts.
-James Allen
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
-Anais Nin
You Can Be Happy No Matter What is a book that can help you see life differently. There are some good principles presented in this little book. I've read this wisdom packed volume multiple times, including twice in 2020 and twice in 2021.
The Five Principles explored include:
Thought
Moods
Separate Realities
Feelings
The Present Moment
I also recommend The Happiness Makeover: How to Teach Yourself to Be Happy and Enjoy Everyday.
The only two issues I take with You Can Be Happy No Matter What is that I believe thoughts and our past are more powerful influences than Richard Carlson does. While I'm a fan of Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment) and Jan Frazier (The Great Sweetening: Life After Thought), I feel a strong connection to my family heritage. I believe the lyrics of my favorite musical artist, Mary Chapin Carpenter, "The Future Begins with the Past". Actually, I'm considering getting that lyric tattooed on the back of my leg. So clearly, I give more weight to the Past than Tolle and Calrson do. As far as the power of thoughts, I connect more along the lines of The Law of Attraction (Esther Hicks, Rhonda Byrne) and thus give thoughts more weight and significance than Frazier and Carlson do.
Favorite Passages:
Foreword
Many people mistakenly believe that circumstances make a person. They don't. Instead, they reveal him or her. Our circumstances don't define us; they represent our unique curriculum - our tests, challenges, and opportunities for personal growth, acceptance, and detachment.
Introduction
Our most natural state of mind is one of contentment and joy.
_______
When we uncover these inherent positive feelings and remove the obstructions keeping us from them, the result is a more meaningful and beautiful experience of life.
_______
When we feel better, we have more access to our own wisdom and common sense. We tend to be less reactive, defensive, and critical; we make better decisions and we communicate more effectively.
_______
Our ability to think creates our psychological experience of life, and thinking is a voluntary function.
_______
Contentment is the foundation to a fulfilling life.
The Principle of Thought
It's our thinking, not our circumstances, that determines how we feel.
_______
. . . thought is something that shapes our reality from the inside out.
_______
Our level of happiness seems to go up and down with our circumstances. In reality, it isn't the circumstances, but our interpretation of them that determines our level of well-being.
_______
. . . contentment creates necessary space in our mind for new, creative thoughts to enter, allowing us to have that childlike quality of soft focus which brings back wonder and adventure to life.
_______
Our thought system is like a filter that information passes through before it gets to our awareness.
. . .
Your thought system contains all the information you have accumulated over your lifetime. It is past information that your thought system uses to interpret the relative significance of everything that happens in your life. In this sense, a thought system is the source of conditioned thought.
_______
Our beliefs will always make perfect sense to us within our own thought system.
_______
Because our thought systems are so familiar to us, they seem to be giving us true, accurate information. Because of the self-validating aspect of thought systems, we accept familiar ideas and disregard the rest. This is why people rarely change their political or religious views, and why they hesitate to even discuss them with friends or family. They "know the truth" and can come up with examples and arguments to support their claims.
_______
When we know that other people (and ourselves) innocently interpret our beliefs as if they were reality, we can let go of the need to be right. We can see that our beliefs are merely a function of past conditioning and experiences. Had our past been different, our ideas about life would be different.
The Principle of Moods
For some people, moods shifts are slight - for others, extreme.
_______
When you're in a high mood, life looks good. You have perspective and common sense. In high moods, things don't feel so hard, problems seem less formidable and easier to solve. In a high mood, relationships flow easily and communication is easy and graceful.
________
When our mood is low, we don't have access to our wisdom. The confusing part of this part of the principle is that it is in our low moods that we will want to solve our problems and confront other people. The seduction will always be there. Low moods breed confusion and resentment.
________
Low moods are a distortion in our thinking.
Separate Realities
Our parents, backgrounds, interpretations, memory, selective perception, circumstances, mood level -- many factors play roles in determining our individual thought system. The combinations are endless, and impossible to duplicate between individuals.
_______
People spend their lifetimes proving to themselves that their personal version of life is valid, realistic, and correct.
_______
All you need to do is accept it as a given that each of us sees life from our own separate reality, our own interpretation of life, our own frame of reference. None of us questions our own version of reality because to us it always seems to be true. Everywhere we look, we see examples to continually prove ourselves right.
_______
There's simply no way to avoid separate realities, and if we do not accept and understand this fact of life, we will be frustrated or perhaps even destroy our lives. With understanding, this knowledge can be a source of wisdom, joy, and humor.
_______
People who wholeheartedly accept the fact of separate realities have more fulfilling relationships than they ever dreamed possible. Often, relationships develop with people whom you had come to believe you couldn't possibly like. Rather than being frustrated and angered by someone's individual differences, you begin to see that person in a new light, an innocence not only in them - but in yourself.
Feelings
If you feel badly and a psychologist (or anyone else) asks, "How are you feeling?" he or she is, in effect, asking you to explain how you see life when you are in a low mood. When your mood is higher, you will have a drastically different description of the very same events. There is no value in a low mood, except to remind you that you are thinking in a dysfunctional manner and shouldn't trust or seriously listen to yourself at present.
_______
. . . healthy functioning is present whenever you feel wonderful for no particular reason.
The Present Moment
Relationships
No one is getting up in the morning with the intent of ruining your life (except perhaps some very disturbed people).
_______
Because our thinking and moods are unique to each one of us, we each live in a separate reality.
_______
We may completely disagree with someone else, and that will be absolutely fine.
Stress
Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness, and can, to a large extent, be eliminated.
_______
Joann has an annoying voice and some nasty habits.
_______
Surprisingly, the solution to stress is to begin to lower our tolerance to stress. This is the opposite of what most of us have been taught, but it is the truth.
_______
The lower our tolerance for stress, the better off we are psychologically.
Solving Problems
Wisdom becomes nothing more mystical seeing the same old things in a nonhabitual manner - in a new and fresh way.
_______
There is no escaping though - there is only understanding.
Happiness
Being honest with your feelings is a relative thing. Are you being honest in a low mood, after your own thoughts have upset you, or are you being honest from a place of happiness and wisdom? This distinction is very important because your life, and everything in it, will look drastically different depending on your level of well-being.
Habits and Addictions
A habit is a thought that you have accepted as truth.
_______
Whether your addiction takes the form of approval seeking or alcohol, the first step to recovery is to realize serenity in your life. Serenity or contentment is the breeding ground for positive change. The opposite of serenity, insecurity, is the breeding ground for addictions. If you have serenity, eliminating bad habits is both possible and enjoyable, but without serenity, change is difficult, almost impossible.
-James Allen
We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.
-Anais Nin
You Can Be Happy No Matter What is a book that can help you see life differently. There are some good principles presented in this little book. I've read this wisdom packed volume multiple times, including twice in 2020 and twice in 2021.
The Five Principles explored include:
Thought
Moods
Separate Realities
Feelings
The Present Moment
I also recommend The Happiness Makeover: How to Teach Yourself to Be Happy and Enjoy Everyday.
The only two issues I take with You Can Be Happy No Matter What is that I believe thoughts and our past are more powerful influences than Richard Carlson does. While I'm a fan of Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment) and Jan Frazier (The Great Sweetening: Life After Thought), I feel a strong connection to my family heritage. I believe the lyrics of my favorite musical artist, Mary Chapin Carpenter, "The Future Begins with the Past". Actually, I'm considering getting that lyric tattooed on the back of my leg. So clearly, I give more weight to the Past than Tolle and Calrson do. As far as the power of thoughts, I connect more along the lines of The Law of Attraction (Esther Hicks, Rhonda Byrne) and thus give thoughts more weight and significance than Frazier and Carlson do.
Favorite Passages:
Foreword
Many people mistakenly believe that circumstances make a person. They don't. Instead, they reveal him or her. Our circumstances don't define us; they represent our unique curriculum - our tests, challenges, and opportunities for personal growth, acceptance, and detachment.
Introduction
Our most natural state of mind is one of contentment and joy.
_______
When we uncover these inherent positive feelings and remove the obstructions keeping us from them, the result is a more meaningful and beautiful experience of life.
_______
When we feel better, we have more access to our own wisdom and common sense. We tend to be less reactive, defensive, and critical; we make better decisions and we communicate more effectively.
_______
Our ability to think creates our psychological experience of life, and thinking is a voluntary function.
_______
Contentment is the foundation to a fulfilling life.
The Principle of Thought
It's our thinking, not our circumstances, that determines how we feel.
_______
. . . thought is something that shapes our reality from the inside out.
_______
Our level of happiness seems to go up and down with our circumstances. In reality, it isn't the circumstances, but our interpretation of them that determines our level of well-being.
_______
. . . contentment creates necessary space in our mind for new, creative thoughts to enter, allowing us to have that childlike quality of soft focus which brings back wonder and adventure to life.
_______
Our thought system is like a filter that information passes through before it gets to our awareness.
. . .
Your thought system contains all the information you have accumulated over your lifetime. It is past information that your thought system uses to interpret the relative significance of everything that happens in your life. In this sense, a thought system is the source of conditioned thought.
_______
Our beliefs will always make perfect sense to us within our own thought system.
_______
Because our thought systems are so familiar to us, they seem to be giving us true, accurate information. Because of the self-validating aspect of thought systems, we accept familiar ideas and disregard the rest. This is why people rarely change their political or religious views, and why they hesitate to even discuss them with friends or family. They "know the truth" and can come up with examples and arguments to support their claims.
_______
When we know that other people (and ourselves) innocently interpret our beliefs as if they were reality, we can let go of the need to be right. We can see that our beliefs are merely a function of past conditioning and experiences. Had our past been different, our ideas about life would be different.
The Principle of Moods
For some people, moods shifts are slight - for others, extreme.
_______
When you're in a high mood, life looks good. You have perspective and common sense. In high moods, things don't feel so hard, problems seem less formidable and easier to solve. In a high mood, relationships flow easily and communication is easy and graceful.
________
When our mood is low, we don't have access to our wisdom. The confusing part of this part of the principle is that it is in our low moods that we will want to solve our problems and confront other people. The seduction will always be there. Low moods breed confusion and resentment.
________
Low moods are a distortion in our thinking.
Separate Realities
Our parents, backgrounds, interpretations, memory, selective perception, circumstances, mood level -- many factors play roles in determining our individual thought system. The combinations are endless, and impossible to duplicate between individuals.
_______
People spend their lifetimes proving to themselves that their personal version of life is valid, realistic, and correct.
_______
All you need to do is accept it as a given that each of us sees life from our own separate reality, our own interpretation of life, our own frame of reference. None of us questions our own version of reality because to us it always seems to be true. Everywhere we look, we see examples to continually prove ourselves right.
_______
There's simply no way to avoid separate realities, and if we do not accept and understand this fact of life, we will be frustrated or perhaps even destroy our lives. With understanding, this knowledge can be a source of wisdom, joy, and humor.
_______
People who wholeheartedly accept the fact of separate realities have more fulfilling relationships than they ever dreamed possible. Often, relationships develop with people whom you had come to believe you couldn't possibly like. Rather than being frustrated and angered by someone's individual differences, you begin to see that person in a new light, an innocence not only in them - but in yourself.
Feelings
If you feel badly and a psychologist (or anyone else) asks, "How are you feeling?" he or she is, in effect, asking you to explain how you see life when you are in a low mood. When your mood is higher, you will have a drastically different description of the very same events. There is no value in a low mood, except to remind you that you are thinking in a dysfunctional manner and shouldn't trust or seriously listen to yourself at present.
_______
. . . healthy functioning is present whenever you feel wonderful for no particular reason.
The Present Moment
Relationships
No one is getting up in the morning with the intent of ruining your life (except perhaps some very disturbed people).
_______
Because our thinking and moods are unique to each one of us, we each live in a separate reality.
_______
We may completely disagree with someone else, and that will be absolutely fine.
Stress
Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness, and can, to a large extent, be eliminated.
_______
Joann has an annoying voice and some nasty habits.
_______
Surprisingly, the solution to stress is to begin to lower our tolerance to stress. This is the opposite of what most of us have been taught, but it is the truth.
_______
The lower our tolerance for stress, the better off we are psychologically.
Solving Problems
Wisdom becomes nothing more mystical seeing the same old things in a nonhabitual manner - in a new and fresh way.
_______
There is no escaping though - there is only understanding.
Happiness
Being honest with your feelings is a relative thing. Are you being honest in a low mood, after your own thoughts have upset you, or are you being honest from a place of happiness and wisdom? This distinction is very important because your life, and everything in it, will look drastically different depending on your level of well-being.
Habits and Addictions
A habit is a thought that you have accepted as truth.
_______
Whether your addiction takes the form of approval seeking or alcohol, the first step to recovery is to realize serenity in your life. Serenity or contentment is the breeding ground for positive change. The opposite of serenity, insecurity, is the breeding ground for addictions. If you have serenity, eliminating bad habits is both possible and enjoyable, but without serenity, change is difficult, almost impossible.
April 14, 2008
I really like this book. The author does a great job explaining that thoughts are always passing through your mind and that you choose whether to let negative thoughts affect your mood or let them pass as just thoughts. I am able to recognize that thoughts are not reality and not dwell on those thoughts that are deserving of attention.
October 18, 2014
I've listened to this book-on-audio multiple times. (Yes, I *listen* to my books rather than read! ;) Richard is warm, wise and brilliant ... and really puts things in perspective. He shares wisdom about how to not take the things people do so hard, which had tended to be a challenge of mine. I wish he were still around cuz I'd hug him! This was a life changer for me.
September 30, 2011
This is another book I read earlier this year and didn't get around to reviewing. It is the kind of book that I generally wouldn't think to pick up and read and I feared it might be a little corny or simplistic or something. It was a quick read, though, and while I didn't agree with every word there was enough good that I got out of it that I was really glad I read it and may read it again sometime to refresh those ideas. I can no longer remember what I may have disagreed with, but I do know it helped me in a positive way while reading it and it really did make me feel happier and change my thinking about certain things. I'll quote part of a blog post I wrote after reading it that describes some of the ways it helped me.
I'm reading a book for book club called "You Can Be Happy No Matter What." One thing it talked about in there that finally clicked for me was the subject of living in the present. I guess I never totally understood what people meant by "being present," but I'm kind of getting it now. It doesn't mean forgetting the past or ignoring the future, but now I see it as just realizing that the only thing I can control right now is the present. I can't change the past. I can't do much about the future other than the effect from choices I make right now, in the present. I definitely have a tendency to overanalyze and overthink things, but I realized that often it doesn't do me any good at all, and can paralyze me from doing anything. Dwelling on past mistakes, bad habits, guilt, and so on does so much harm. I'm not talking about serious things, just the guilt of not being a better mom, not doing everything I should be, those kind of things. I can't change anything I have done or failed to do in the past, so my new motto is "What is the best thing I can do right now?" Somehow that simple question has helped me so much. With painting Josh's room, for example, I refused to let myself think about the past, all the times that painting projects have gotten stalled and taken me forever to finish, or to think too much about the future, as in "this is going to be hard, I'll have to do all that prep work and clean up and I'll get tired and sore" or things like that. I just took it one step at a time. Right now I'm going to find the paint and my supplies in the garage. Right now I'm going to wash the walls. Right now I'm going to do the taping. And so on.
This also helped me with Gabe's track meet. I was just going to drop him off and pick him up when it was done, but when we got there he was uneasy about everything. It wasn't a normal track meet. There were a lot more people than usual. He wasn't sure how to sign up for his race. Even though we had driven about a half hour to get there, he wanted to just go home since this wasn't a required meet. My first reaction might have just been to take him home and not bother with it. My question, "What's the best thing I can do right now?" helped me decide to talk to his coaches about what he needed to do and decide to stay with him for the meet. His race wasn't for over an hour, but I sat in the bleachers and watched that mass of humanity out there stretching, warming up with funny exercises, running, jumping, flying through the air using pole vaults, and I thought about all the energy and motivation of those kids and how great that they all chose to be there doing something so healthy and positive. I enjoyed the cool breeze and spring weather. Instead of thinking about what else I could be doing or feeling restless, I knew that this was the best thing I could be doing. I was "being present" and just enjoying the moment in a relaxed way. Everything turned out fine and Gabe did well in his event, the 1500 meter race. I know my reactions were a lot different than they would have been if I hadn't been focused on just making that space in time the best that it could be.
So there you go. Any book that has a positive effect on me like that is definitely a good thing!
I'm reading a book for book club called "You Can Be Happy No Matter What." One thing it talked about in there that finally clicked for me was the subject of living in the present. I guess I never totally understood what people meant by "being present," but I'm kind of getting it now. It doesn't mean forgetting the past or ignoring the future, but now I see it as just realizing that the only thing I can control right now is the present. I can't change the past. I can't do much about the future other than the effect from choices I make right now, in the present. I definitely have a tendency to overanalyze and overthink things, but I realized that often it doesn't do me any good at all, and can paralyze me from doing anything. Dwelling on past mistakes, bad habits, guilt, and so on does so much harm. I'm not talking about serious things, just the guilt of not being a better mom, not doing everything I should be, those kind of things. I can't change anything I have done or failed to do in the past, so my new motto is "What is the best thing I can do right now?" Somehow that simple question has helped me so much. With painting Josh's room, for example, I refused to let myself think about the past, all the times that painting projects have gotten stalled and taken me forever to finish, or to think too much about the future, as in "this is going to be hard, I'll have to do all that prep work and clean up and I'll get tired and sore" or things like that. I just took it one step at a time. Right now I'm going to find the paint and my supplies in the garage. Right now I'm going to wash the walls. Right now I'm going to do the taping. And so on.
This also helped me with Gabe's track meet. I was just going to drop him off and pick him up when it was done, but when we got there he was uneasy about everything. It wasn't a normal track meet. There were a lot more people than usual. He wasn't sure how to sign up for his race. Even though we had driven about a half hour to get there, he wanted to just go home since this wasn't a required meet. My first reaction might have just been to take him home and not bother with it. My question, "What's the best thing I can do right now?" helped me decide to talk to his coaches about what he needed to do and decide to stay with him for the meet. His race wasn't for over an hour, but I sat in the bleachers and watched that mass of humanity out there stretching, warming up with funny exercises, running, jumping, flying through the air using pole vaults, and I thought about all the energy and motivation of those kids and how great that they all chose to be there doing something so healthy and positive. I enjoyed the cool breeze and spring weather. Instead of thinking about what else I could be doing or feeling restless, I knew that this was the best thing I could be doing. I was "being present" and just enjoying the moment in a relaxed way. Everything turned out fine and Gabe did well in his event, the 1500 meter race. I know my reactions were a lot different than they would have been if I hadn't been focused on just making that space in time the best that it could be.
So there you go. Any book that has a positive effect on me like that is definitely a good thing!
November 23, 2013
This book helped me through a very hard time in my life. The writer explained that based on five principles of Thought, Mood, Separate Realities, Feelings, and the Present Moment, and how the reader can use these principles to discover how to focus on everyday joy and inner contentment. The book helped me not to be lead around by my own feelings by introducing me to the idea of separate realities. Positive thinking results in positive feeling & we control our thoughts. This book helps give examples of how to avoid negative thoughts. It shows why they are not even necessary in so many situations because the situation you may think negatively about exists to nobody but you.
The book also discusses thought control & positive thinking in great depth. People see the same situation in different ways and understanding this helps you to have a broader sense of what is happening. People are very "self" oriented & tend to see only their take on a situation when they should consider other people's position before reacting. Or possibly realize they have NO idea what the other people involved are thinking or where they are coming from.
Many situations & examples are given to explain the idea of separate realities. Basically no 2 people can see things the exact same way because we each have our own history or background (baggage). It is useful for anyone to consider this when dealing with others on a daily basis.
I loved the book and the thoughts and ideas helped me through a very stressful time in my life ten years ago. I have held on to the book because I feel that it is one to be read over and again.
The book also discusses thought control & positive thinking in great depth. People see the same situation in different ways and understanding this helps you to have a broader sense of what is happening. People are very "self" oriented & tend to see only their take on a situation when they should consider other people's position before reacting. Or possibly realize they have NO idea what the other people involved are thinking or where they are coming from.
Many situations & examples are given to explain the idea of separate realities. Basically no 2 people can see things the exact same way because we each have our own history or background (baggage). It is useful for anyone to consider this when dealing with others on a daily basis.
I loved the book and the thoughts and ideas helped me through a very stressful time in my life ten years ago. I have held on to the book because I feel that it is one to be read over and again.
March 26, 2016
This book differed in opinion from a lot of books I have read on the subject of Positive Psychology and Law of Attraction, however, I believed it gave me a fresh new perspective of how I view my thoughts, both positive and negative. In this book, the author explains that our thoughts and moods are constantly changing, and rather than trying to always control our thoughts, sometimes it is best to simply wait until our thoughts return to their positive state. This is different from many books I have read on the subject, in which the authors argue that one should try to maintain positive thoughts and moods at all times. I personally find it tiring and exhausting sometimes trying to maintain a positive attitude constantly. The technique described in You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective is to simply acknowledge when you are in a negative mood, and not to take things to seriously when in this state of mind. Just try to gently nudge your thoughts back to a positive state, and don't make any rash decisions during this negative mood.
Another great concept explained in this books is the concept that everyone is surrounded by their own world of thoughts. When someone is rude to you, we often forget that this person could be in a negative mood, and their words and attitudes towards you actually has nothing to do with you. Given time they could actually come back and apologize, once they realize they were letting their emotions and moods govern them. Great book, I can see myself reading this several times to absorb all of the concepts fully.
Another great concept explained in this books is the concept that everyone is surrounded by their own world of thoughts. When someone is rude to you, we often forget that this person could be in a negative mood, and their words and attitudes towards you actually has nothing to do with you. Given time they could actually come back and apologize, once they realize they were letting their emotions and moods govern them. Great book, I can see myself reading this several times to absorb all of the concepts fully.
Read
January 12, 2021This book is an easy read, and the principles are simple, although not simplistic. I very much enjoy looking through it from time to time when I feel the need to put my life in perspective or restore a sense of inner balance. In the hurly burly of everyday, it is often so easy to forget that we are in control of our own happiness!
-Jess O.-
-Jess O.-
July 29, 2024
DNF at 72%
Maybe it's the summer heat, but I just couldn't get through this one. Even if it were only 30-40 pages long, I think it would still feel too drawn out. The principles felt repetitive and didn't resonate with me. Sorry, but this one wasn't for me.
Maybe it's the summer heat, but I just couldn't get through this one. Even if it were only 30-40 pages long, I think it would still feel too drawn out. The principles felt repetitive and didn't resonate with me. Sorry, but this one wasn't for me.
May 29, 2010
Summary: negative thinking is bad. positive relaxing is good.
As a positive and often thinking person, I immediately disagreed with this book. The author seems to be reaching out to a society of neurotics, who when thinking about things will only spiral into a chain of negative thoughts. He seemingly reaches the conclusion that thinking during your low point will lead to nothing but negative thoughts, and that here is no way a person can pull themselves out of a funk by thinking. This is horribly dangerous and wrong thinking. It is absolutely possible and quite often required to suck it up in order to get themselves out of an emotional chasm.
According to the book, negative experiences and feeling are to be avoided at all costs. This book completely devoids one of the proper way to handle negative experiences. It teaches one to run away from everything as oppose to rationally thinking about things. The path this book seems to be advising is one of blissful mediocrity, one of no ambition, no problems, but no life. Stress is seen as something negative, as opposed to a possible growing experience.
There are some good points in this book. Thinking during a low point is less likely to solve your problems then during a high point. Needless negative thinking doesn't help anything.
The bad far outweighs the good though. The book has good intentions, but is utterly useless if not harmful in confronting real-life problems; it is only good at teaching one to run from one's problems, hoping they'll go away.
As a positive and often thinking person, I immediately disagreed with this book. The author seems to be reaching out to a society of neurotics, who when thinking about things will only spiral into a chain of negative thoughts. He seemingly reaches the conclusion that thinking during your low point will lead to nothing but negative thoughts, and that here is no way a person can pull themselves out of a funk by thinking. This is horribly dangerous and wrong thinking. It is absolutely possible and quite often required to suck it up in order to get themselves out of an emotional chasm.
According to the book, negative experiences and feeling are to be avoided at all costs. This book completely devoids one of the proper way to handle negative experiences. It teaches one to run away from everything as oppose to rationally thinking about things. The path this book seems to be advising is one of blissful mediocrity, one of no ambition, no problems, but no life. Stress is seen as something negative, as opposed to a possible growing experience.
There are some good points in this book. Thinking during a low point is less likely to solve your problems then during a high point. Needless negative thinking doesn't help anything.
The bad far outweighs the good though. The book has good intentions, but is utterly useless if not harmful in confronting real-life problems; it is only good at teaching one to run from one's problems, hoping they'll go away.
August 26, 2013
This book isn't another "think happy, be happy" book. Instead, Richard Carlson teaches how to have healthy psychological functioning in a very simple style. He details what it is, what derails it, and how to obtain it through understanding the mental process and learning to let go of thoughts (mindfulness).
This book should be required reading every school year beginning in junior high. Companies should hold annual workshops teaching it's philosophy. People would understand how to handle their emotions and thoughts and the world really would be a better place.
This book should be required reading every school year beginning in junior high. Companies should hold annual workshops teaching it's philosophy. People would understand how to handle their emotions and thoughts and the world really would be a better place.
March 25, 2025
I really did not enjoy reading this book. It seemed to say the same thing over and over and over again. And what it said was pretty much common sense advice that most people already know -- that our thoughts determine our feelings and our moods which tend to determine our level of happiness: control your thoughts and you control how you feel about your life.
I do give this book an extra star simply because it did shed a little light on the subject for me. It encourages people to nip bad thoughts in the bud -- eliminate them early before they grow out of control. We should also recognize when we are in a negative mood and delay certain decisions until we are in a better mood. We should to acknowledge that others have mood swings also and that they all live their lives in realities that are separate and distinct from our own personal realities. And finally, the past is nothing more than memories, so dwelling on negative past experiences is counter-productive.
Nothing in this book is really earth-shattering, but I do feel that it was helpful to be reminded of a few of these simple truths. I just would have preferred that it be done in 25-50 pages instead of 150.
I do give this book an extra star simply because it did shed a little light on the subject for me. It encourages people to nip bad thoughts in the bud -- eliminate them early before they grow out of control. We should also recognize when we are in a negative mood and delay certain decisions until we are in a better mood. We should to acknowledge that others have mood swings also and that they all live their lives in realities that are separate and distinct from our own personal realities. And finally, the past is nothing more than memories, so dwelling on negative past experiences is counter-productive.
Nothing in this book is really earth-shattering, but I do feel that it was helpful to be reminded of a few of these simple truths. I just would have preferred that it be done in 25-50 pages instead of 150.
October 11, 2012
Hmm. I read this. It didn't work. I am still unhappy.
April 23, 2020
God knew I needed this book.
July 2, 2021
This is an incredible book. I was captivated by the in-depth discussions surrounding thinking/thoughts, how powerful they are, and understanding that everyone creates their own reality in their mind regardless of what the true reality is. Richard takes you through many scenarios where the circumstances are the same yet the outcomes are completely different due to people’s individual thoughts/perceptions and their awareness (and lack thereof). It is fascinating how we choose — often without realizing it — to focus on certain thoughts that pop into our heads and run away with them, causing unnecessary stress and problems in our relationships (often unprovoked). This book helps teach you how to acknowledge and then dismiss negative thoughts that are not conducive to your mental health; it helps develop your compassion and understanding toward others, knowing everyone sees the world through a different lens; it guides us to better live in the present moment rather than too much in the past or future, preventing more anxiety and fear from taking shape. More than anything, this book helps us learn how to gain control of our mind/thoughts and subsequent actions, giving way to our end goal — happiness and contentment, which is always at our fingertips and attainable no matter the circumstances. This is an amazing, life-changing book that I will undoubtedly read again in the future.
April 28, 2025
I started this book a few years ago and found it dry and hard to read at times. It’s repetitive - I realize people need to hear things in a different way - but it felt unnecessary at times.
It did, however, have some great gems and overall advice. While most of it seemed like common sense, I believe anyone can glean something helpful from its contents.
It did, however, have some great gems and overall advice. While most of it seemed like common sense, I believe anyone can glean something helpful from its contents.
April 8, 2021
It's an easy-going book. I feel this book related to real life. This book involves small chapters to grasp meaningful distinctions breakthrough in our real life with easy examples.
What lines most I like from this book are,
- We are the thinkers of our own thoughts.
- Happiness is right now.
- A habit is thought that you have accepted as truth.
- Don't fuel the fire.
What lines most I like from this book are,
- We are the thinkers of our own thoughts.
- Happiness is right now.
- A habit is thought that you have accepted as truth.
- Don't fuel the fire.
June 24, 2021
This was one of the worst books I’ve read in a long time. No scientific arguments, a lot of clichées and no practical advice. I thought I would learn and discover more about the science of happiness and how our brains are wired to this feeling, but I could not have been more wrong. Maybe if it was a 10 page essay I would have given it more stars - maybe.
If you are looking for science and actual facts, this is not a book for you.
If you are looking for science and actual facts, this is not a book for you.
February 26, 2021
The book was simple yet it really resonated with me. If you are looking for thought-work, this book can really help you challenge your thinking.
2/26/21 Again, this book is a favorite. Direct, simple speak to help you understand your own thought processes and how your mood, feelings, etc impact how you see, and live, life.
2/26/21 Again, this book is a favorite. Direct, simple speak to help you understand your own thought processes and how your mood, feelings, etc impact how you see, and live, life.
December 12, 2025
Whenever I find myself taking life too seriously, I always revisit his book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” I’ve re-read that one twice already this year alone. It’s deceptive in its simplicity, and I get so much mental reframing and wisdom out of it every time I read it.
I hadn’t read this book of his, and randomly came across it on sale. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely revisit it again in the future whenever I need reminding of how I am the one who is ultimately determining my life experience and how to actively and intentionally shape it more towards peaceful contentment.
I hadn’t read this book of his, and randomly came across it on sale. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will definitely revisit it again in the future whenever I need reminding of how I am the one who is ultimately determining my life experience and how to actively and intentionally shape it more towards peaceful contentment.
December 31, 2021
There’s an endless amount of reading one can do about past time and future time and thinking in general. This book cuts to the chase cleanly quickly and severely. It seems to be saying, as has been said before, don’t take yourself so darn seriously.
I sought out this book because a good friend read it decades ago and still considers it fundamentally valuable. I found an audio version, narrated by the author, and found it refreshing. It's a good review of good common sense.
I sought out this book because a good friend read it decades ago and still considers it fundamentally valuable. I found an audio version, narrated by the author, and found it refreshing. It's a good review of good common sense.
July 22, 2025
1/Principle of Thought: All that you achieve and all that you fail to achieve is the direct result of your own thoughts. Every negative (and positive feeling) is a direct result of thought. Thought is not something that happens to us, but something that we do. It comes from inside of us, not from the outside. What we think determines what we see – even though it often seems the other way around.. We have innocently learned to interpret our thoughts as if they were reality, but thought is merely an ability that we have – we are the ones who produce those thoughts. An absence of negative thought brings forth a positive feeling. Our thinking is not reality, but only an attempt to interpret a given situation. Our interpretation of what we see creates an emotional response. Our level of happiness seems to go up and down with our circumstances. In reality, it isn’t the circumstances, but our interpretation of them that determines our level of well-being. The softer focus enables us to listen even to criticism in a way that does not bother us because we’re no longer analyzing – we’re merely taking in information. Someone who tries to think only positive thoughts spends enormous effort and concentration, leaving little energy for new and creative thoughts. Our thought systems lead us to believe that we are realists and that the way we see life is the way life really is. Because of the self-validating aspect of thought systems, we accept familiar ideas and disregard the rest.
2/Principle of Moods: We are never in one place emotionally for too long. Just when life seems hopeless, our mood lifts and everything seems all right again. People don’t realize their moods are always on the run. They think instead that their life has suddenly become worse in the past day, or the last hour. In low moods we lose our ability to listen, and our perspective flies out the window. We can learn to be appreciative of our highs and graceful in our lows. You can’t force your way out of a low mood. Because life looks so serious in a low mood, there is an inherent sense of urgency within it. In a higher state of mind, we will see the same situation differently. When you are in a low mood, you will generate negative thoughts. It doesn’t make sense to put too much emphasis on what you think in a low mood. It is in our low moods that we will want to solve our problems and confront other people. The solution is to wait until the mood rises, which it will, on its own – your wiser feelings will surface.
3/Principle of Separate Realities: says that the differences among individuals are every bit as vast as those among different cultures. When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a given that others will do things differently, and when we understand that others will react differently than we do to the same stimulus, the compassion we have for ourselves and for others rises dramatically. Problems in relationships come about in essentially two ways. We either think that others actually do see things as we do, so we can’t understand or are upset by their reactions – or we believe that others should see things the way we do because we see reality as it really is. People spend their lifetimes proving to themselves that their personal version of life is valid, realistic and correct. This self-validating aspect of thought systems will point to endless examples to prove itself right. When you understand this idea, you see the futility in attempting to change someone else, or in even arguing with them. None of us questions our own version of reality because to us it always seems to be true. Everywhere we look, we see examples to continually prove ourselves right. No matter how easily you see something, or how obviously true a situation appears, someone else will assess it differently and be equally certain of that position.
4/Principle of Separate Feelings: Our feelings let us know when we are off track and headed toward unhappiness and conflict, away from healthy psychological functioning. We think either habitually (negative or individual thought system) or through natural state of mind (positive or healthy psychological functioning). The only value in negative feelings is to let us know that we are seeing life in a distorted manner. These feelings, and others like them, are there to tell you that you are looking at life through your thought system, not your natural state of mind. When you are happy, you temporarily relaxed, cleared your mind of concerns, and simply took a few moments to enjoy your life You start to notice that the negative feelings you do experience are less severe and don’t last as long as they once did. You are able to gravitate away from these states of mind more quickly.
5/Principle of the Present Moment: Keeping your attention riveted to the past (or future) can become an insidious habit that’s difficult to break. When your attention is primarily in the present moment, the bulk of your experience comes from a place of wisdom rather than reactivity. A mind that is out of the moment is fertile ground for worry, anxiety, regret, and guilt. This doesn’t mean that every moment of your life should (or ever will) be spent focused in this moment, only that it is important that this occurs more often than not. 3 Questions: What is the wake (past)? What powers the boat (engine – present energy)? Can the wake power the boat? Many people live as if the past is the power running their lives. Thoughts of the past are nothing more than actively engaged memories. Now is where the happiness lies. The more present moment oriented you become, the easier it will be to stay on track, get focused, concentrate, and achieve your goals.
6/Relationships: When we feel good ourselves, there is no need to be overly critical or defensive, because we no longer feel threatened by others. It is critical to know and understand that our partner sees life just as clearly as we do. No one can question his or her own vision of life, because thought is the originator of our experience. We learn to take ourselves and our personal thoughts less seriously. As our understanding deepens, we will genuinely be not so bothered by others, and we won’t take their thoughts so personally or seriously. The most important aspect of a nurturing relationship is the feeling that exists between two people. When you feel warmly toward another, you overlook your differences to a large extent. Look for a positive feeling inside you before you speak, if you want the interaction to be positive. Right or happy? Our positive feeling becomes more important than our opinions. If you recognize when you are in a low mood, just sit back and wait for a more positive feeling to surface before responding to issues of importance. We can learn not to take other people’s low moods so seriously or take to heart what they say and do in these moods.
7/Stress: The moment we define stress as coming from anywhere other than from within ourselves, we set ourselves up to experience it – and are too late to prevent it. Whatever our strategy, we are validating the need to cope with the situation – which is only stressful because we defined it that way. As we think about, dwell on, or focus on something, the object of our attention will grow in our minds. Thinking about why we feel bad, lowers our spirits and makes our perceived problems seem more formidable, not less. Unless and until the world conforms to your every wish and desire, you will continue to be upset. We must understand that it is our thinking that is creating our upset, and that we are the thinker who is doing it. Unhealthy psychological functioning (stress) consists of taking in the information, but instead of letting it flow through, you would have a ‘thought attack’ – focusing and analyzing the data to the point of frustration. Physically unwell = rest. Psychological stress serves the same purpose. The more intense the feeling, the greater the need to slow down and stop what we are thinking. When we feel stressed, we lose our psychological bearings, wisdom, and common sense; we tend to take things too seriously; we lose sight of the big picture. The solution is to lower our tolerance to stress. People with lower tolerance might begin paying attention to their stress earlier and return more quickly to a more positive feeling state.
8/Solving Problems: When our mood and feeling level is higher, not only will we view the same circumstance in an entirely different light, but we will have answers to our problems that we couldn’t see when our mood was lower. In higher feeling levels, we already have what we want to feel good. It is much easier and more practical to wait for a changed mood than a changed circumstance. The nature of problems is that we are usually stuck on something. We somehow can’t see the answer. Solutions occur when we see things in a new and fresh way. You have probably had the experience of thinking about something obsessively, in an honest attempt to find an answer. You thought about and finally you gave up and looked out the window and the answer came to you. Each of us has access to a ‘back burner,’ a quiet place in the back of the mind where answers and solutions can grow and develop – without the interference of excess thought. You tell yourself that you need an answer to a certain question within a given time frame. Then rather than racking your brain for the answer, you deliberately forget about it! Once we have experienced how nice it is to live in a positive state of mind, hanging on to negative thoughts becomes less and less attractive.
9/Happiness: Happiness (feeling grateful for being alive) is a state of mind, not a set of circumstances. Happiness isn’t outside yourself. It is a feeling – the natural feeling of your innate healthy psychological functioning. Let your mind take in information – and then letting if flow back out without holding on to it for analysis. Sometimes you might feel a moment of happiness after getting something you want (not because your desire was fulfilled but because you took your attention off what you didn’t have). You might feel the need to react to each negative thought that enter your mind; but you can wait for a nicer feeling to surface before acting upon your thoughts. Whenever you attach conditions to your happiness you won’t experience it. The same mental process that attaches your happiness to a specific outcome will repeat the process once that outcome is obtained. As you quietly recognize serenity in your life, it will stay with you for longer periods of time. Happiness is right now. Your life is not a dress rehearsal for some later date – it is right here, right now.
10/Habits and Addictions: Substitutes for a contented state of mind are alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, exercise, gambling, sex, and work. Serenity or contentment s the breeding ground for positive change. The opposite of serenity, insecurity, is the breeding ground for addictions. If you have serenity, eliminating bad habits is both possible and enjoyable, but without serenity, change is difficult, almost impossible. This emptiness is at the root of all addictions and habits, and just as the cause of all addictions is the same, so is the solution. My solution is to access my healthy psychological functioning – that nice feeling of contentment that tells me I already have what I want out of life.
11/Checklist for Your Life:
2/Principle of Moods: We are never in one place emotionally for too long. Just when life seems hopeless, our mood lifts and everything seems all right again. People don’t realize their moods are always on the run. They think instead that their life has suddenly become worse in the past day, or the last hour. In low moods we lose our ability to listen, and our perspective flies out the window. We can learn to be appreciative of our highs and graceful in our lows. You can’t force your way out of a low mood. Because life looks so serious in a low mood, there is an inherent sense of urgency within it. In a higher state of mind, we will see the same situation differently. When you are in a low mood, you will generate negative thoughts. It doesn’t make sense to put too much emphasis on what you think in a low mood. It is in our low moods that we will want to solve our problems and confront other people. The solution is to wait until the mood rises, which it will, on its own – your wiser feelings will surface.
3/Principle of Separate Realities: says that the differences among individuals are every bit as vast as those among different cultures. When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a given that others will do things differently, and when we understand that others will react differently than we do to the same stimulus, the compassion we have for ourselves and for others rises dramatically. Problems in relationships come about in essentially two ways. We either think that others actually do see things as we do, so we can’t understand or are upset by their reactions – or we believe that others should see things the way we do because we see reality as it really is. People spend their lifetimes proving to themselves that their personal version of life is valid, realistic and correct. This self-validating aspect of thought systems will point to endless examples to prove itself right. When you understand this idea, you see the futility in attempting to change someone else, or in even arguing with them. None of us questions our own version of reality because to us it always seems to be true. Everywhere we look, we see examples to continually prove ourselves right. No matter how easily you see something, or how obviously true a situation appears, someone else will assess it differently and be equally certain of that position.
4/Principle of Separate Feelings: Our feelings let us know when we are off track and headed toward unhappiness and conflict, away from healthy psychological functioning. We think either habitually (negative or individual thought system) or through natural state of mind (positive or healthy psychological functioning). The only value in negative feelings is to let us know that we are seeing life in a distorted manner. These feelings, and others like them, are there to tell you that you are looking at life through your thought system, not your natural state of mind. When you are happy, you temporarily relaxed, cleared your mind of concerns, and simply took a few moments to enjoy your life You start to notice that the negative feelings you do experience are less severe and don’t last as long as they once did. You are able to gravitate away from these states of mind more quickly.
5/Principle of the Present Moment: Keeping your attention riveted to the past (or future) can become an insidious habit that’s difficult to break. When your attention is primarily in the present moment, the bulk of your experience comes from a place of wisdom rather than reactivity. A mind that is out of the moment is fertile ground for worry, anxiety, regret, and guilt. This doesn’t mean that every moment of your life should (or ever will) be spent focused in this moment, only that it is important that this occurs more often than not. 3 Questions: What is the wake (past)? What powers the boat (engine – present energy)? Can the wake power the boat? Many people live as if the past is the power running their lives. Thoughts of the past are nothing more than actively engaged memories. Now is where the happiness lies. The more present moment oriented you become, the easier it will be to stay on track, get focused, concentrate, and achieve your goals.
6/Relationships: When we feel good ourselves, there is no need to be overly critical or defensive, because we no longer feel threatened by others. It is critical to know and understand that our partner sees life just as clearly as we do. No one can question his or her own vision of life, because thought is the originator of our experience. We learn to take ourselves and our personal thoughts less seriously. As our understanding deepens, we will genuinely be not so bothered by others, and we won’t take their thoughts so personally or seriously. The most important aspect of a nurturing relationship is the feeling that exists between two people. When you feel warmly toward another, you overlook your differences to a large extent. Look for a positive feeling inside you before you speak, if you want the interaction to be positive. Right or happy? Our positive feeling becomes more important than our opinions. If you recognize when you are in a low mood, just sit back and wait for a more positive feeling to surface before responding to issues of importance. We can learn not to take other people’s low moods so seriously or take to heart what they say and do in these moods.
7/Stress: The moment we define stress as coming from anywhere other than from within ourselves, we set ourselves up to experience it – and are too late to prevent it. Whatever our strategy, we are validating the need to cope with the situation – which is only stressful because we defined it that way. As we think about, dwell on, or focus on something, the object of our attention will grow in our minds. Thinking about why we feel bad, lowers our spirits and makes our perceived problems seem more formidable, not less. Unless and until the world conforms to your every wish and desire, you will continue to be upset. We must understand that it is our thinking that is creating our upset, and that we are the thinker who is doing it. Unhealthy psychological functioning (stress) consists of taking in the information, but instead of letting it flow through, you would have a ‘thought attack’ – focusing and analyzing the data to the point of frustration. Physically unwell = rest. Psychological stress serves the same purpose. The more intense the feeling, the greater the need to slow down and stop what we are thinking. When we feel stressed, we lose our psychological bearings, wisdom, and common sense; we tend to take things too seriously; we lose sight of the big picture. The solution is to lower our tolerance to stress. People with lower tolerance might begin paying attention to their stress earlier and return more quickly to a more positive feeling state.
8/Solving Problems: When our mood and feeling level is higher, not only will we view the same circumstance in an entirely different light, but we will have answers to our problems that we couldn’t see when our mood was lower. In higher feeling levels, we already have what we want to feel good. It is much easier and more practical to wait for a changed mood than a changed circumstance. The nature of problems is that we are usually stuck on something. We somehow can’t see the answer. Solutions occur when we see things in a new and fresh way. You have probably had the experience of thinking about something obsessively, in an honest attempt to find an answer. You thought about and finally you gave up and looked out the window and the answer came to you. Each of us has access to a ‘back burner,’ a quiet place in the back of the mind where answers and solutions can grow and develop – without the interference of excess thought. You tell yourself that you need an answer to a certain question within a given time frame. Then rather than racking your brain for the answer, you deliberately forget about it! Once we have experienced how nice it is to live in a positive state of mind, hanging on to negative thoughts becomes less and less attractive.
9/Happiness: Happiness (feeling grateful for being alive) is a state of mind, not a set of circumstances. Happiness isn’t outside yourself. It is a feeling – the natural feeling of your innate healthy psychological functioning. Let your mind take in information – and then letting if flow back out without holding on to it for analysis. Sometimes you might feel a moment of happiness after getting something you want (not because your desire was fulfilled but because you took your attention off what you didn’t have). You might feel the need to react to each negative thought that enter your mind; but you can wait for a nicer feeling to surface before acting upon your thoughts. Whenever you attach conditions to your happiness you won’t experience it. The same mental process that attaches your happiness to a specific outcome will repeat the process once that outcome is obtained. As you quietly recognize serenity in your life, it will stay with you for longer periods of time. Happiness is right now. Your life is not a dress rehearsal for some later date – it is right here, right now.
10/Habits and Addictions: Substitutes for a contented state of mind are alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, exercise, gambling, sex, and work. Serenity or contentment s the breeding ground for positive change. The opposite of serenity, insecurity, is the breeding ground for addictions. If you have serenity, eliminating bad habits is both possible and enjoyable, but without serenity, change is difficult, almost impossible. This emptiness is at the root of all addictions and habits, and just as the cause of all addictions is the same, so is the solution. My solution is to access my healthy psychological functioning – that nice feeling of contentment that tells me I already have what I want out of life.
11/Checklist for Your Life:
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 4, 2017
Really good book. Especially helpful if you are not feeling happy / content with your life right now.
Also helpful if you are feeling some kind of stress. Explains basic concepts about happiness, depression, stress, thoughts and feelings.
Also helpful if you are feeling some kind of stress. Explains basic concepts about happiness, depression, stress, thoughts and feelings.
July 14, 2017
The book gave me a whole new perspective about thoughts, mood and happiness. Some of the examples provided in the book are easily relatable to our day to day lives. And it is also a short read. After reading it, I feel positive about my life. Looking forward to putting the suggestions in practice for a more happier life.
October 5, 2013
Most of the ideas in this book have been completely debunked by neuroscience. I am not a psychologist or a neuroscientist, but I do like to keep up with the research. I won't take the time to cite all the contradicting research here, but it should be pretty easy to search and find it.
First off, Carlson never defines some of the terms he uses. He uses the words "emotions", "feelings", and "moods" sometimes interchangeably but sometimes as obviously different things. This was confusing to me, an intellectual reader, so I don't see how any average reader could understand any point he is trying to make.
Carlson specifically tells you to not make any decisions when you are in a "low mood". Instead, he says that real problems will always wait for you to be in better moods. Really? I want to know what universe he's living in. He claims that by not "thinking" and by being in a good mood, wisdom just comes to you with the right answer. Like magic, I guess. And this is part of a problem throughout the book - he never explains how to do anything. You are supposed to not think, you are suppose to get in good moods, you are suppose to recognize your superiority to others (because you are not bound by thought like others are), but it all somehow happens magically without struggle. The few things in this book I do agree with, like being present in the moment, he never gives you ways to implement.
I think the biggest scientific issue in this book is the idea that your thoughts control your moods/feelings/body, but your body/external/circumstances do NOT affect your thoughts. This has been proven to be false. "Fake it til you make it" may be a cliche, but that's because it works when done correctly. Studies have shown that simple things like body posture literally make you think and feel more (or less) self-confident! So his ideas that happiness cannot be obtained by external means is wrong.
His ideas about stress are completely wrong too. He says that stress happens to make you slow down, but we do the opposite and work harder during stress which is why we have such problems. Sorry, no. The biological basis of stress is the fight-or-flight response. Does anything about that phrase imply we should slow down? The slow ones were the ones eaten by the tiger. He also says that stress is caused only by thinking, that if we don't think, or rather don't attach ourselves to our thoughts, then we won't stress. Again, this is completely wrong. In studies of phobias, people were shown subliminal pictures of their phobia and their bodies STILL registered a stress response! It is impossible to think about something that you don't even consciously see.
There were other things I took issue with, but this review is long enough as it is.
First off, Carlson never defines some of the terms he uses. He uses the words "emotions", "feelings", and "moods" sometimes interchangeably but sometimes as obviously different things. This was confusing to me, an intellectual reader, so I don't see how any average reader could understand any point he is trying to make.
Carlson specifically tells you to not make any decisions when you are in a "low mood". Instead, he says that real problems will always wait for you to be in better moods. Really? I want to know what universe he's living in. He claims that by not "thinking" and by being in a good mood, wisdom just comes to you with the right answer. Like magic, I guess. And this is part of a problem throughout the book - he never explains how to do anything. You are supposed to not think, you are suppose to get in good moods, you are suppose to recognize your superiority to others (because you are not bound by thought like others are), but it all somehow happens magically without struggle. The few things in this book I do agree with, like being present in the moment, he never gives you ways to implement.
I think the biggest scientific issue in this book is the idea that your thoughts control your moods/feelings/body, but your body/external/circumstances do NOT affect your thoughts. This has been proven to be false. "Fake it til you make it" may be a cliche, but that's because it works when done correctly. Studies have shown that simple things like body posture literally make you think and feel more (or less) self-confident! So his ideas that happiness cannot be obtained by external means is wrong.
His ideas about stress are completely wrong too. He says that stress happens to make you slow down, but we do the opposite and work harder during stress which is why we have such problems. Sorry, no. The biological basis of stress is the fight-or-flight response. Does anything about that phrase imply we should slow down? The slow ones were the ones eaten by the tiger. He also says that stress is caused only by thinking, that if we don't think, or rather don't attach ourselves to our thoughts, then we won't stress. Again, this is completely wrong. In studies of phobias, people were shown subliminal pictures of their phobia and their bodies STILL registered a stress response! It is impossible to think about something that you don't even consciously see.
There were other things I took issue with, but this review is long enough as it is.
December 1, 2015
A lot of what Carlson says in this book is common sense, an element that is often lacking in traditional types of therapy. Rather than dwelling upon and analyzing uncomfortable experiences from the past, he suggests focusing upon the immediate present. The book is short and each chapter is short. The message is simple—though implementation will take some practice. The author presents five principles that, when applied, shift a person towards happiness. In practice, a combination of these principles can be used to improve one’s perspective on any less-than-happy situation. The final chapters give examples of how to apply the principles to solve problems, reduce stress, address habits and addictions, and get along better with others.
The five principles are thought, moods, feelings, separate realities, and the present moment. Most of the time when we feel bad, it’s not that something bad is happening, but rather that we’re in a negative thought loop about something that has happened or might happen. As individuals, we have the power to refocus our thinking. Everyone has moods, and recognizing this makes it easier to forgive others as well as solve problems; as much as possible not acting/reacting during a bad mood will improve our lives. Feelings, on the other hand, are more fleeting, and our barometer for assessing the state of our thoughts. Since all people are individuals, living in separate realities, this chapter gives some insight on not taking the actions of others personally, but instead truly accepting others—and ourselves. The present moment is not just the only time that we can take action, but the key to stopping obsession about the past and worry about the future.
Readers who like self-help books will enjoy this one. Anyone with an open mind who wants to be happier will find one or more of the principles valuable. The short text and simple methods can help anyone with an open mind, and those who already employ some of these principles will find validation and more ideas for increasing happiness. Truly, this book is suitable for just about anyone.
The five principles are thought, moods, feelings, separate realities, and the present moment. Most of the time when we feel bad, it’s not that something bad is happening, but rather that we’re in a negative thought loop about something that has happened or might happen. As individuals, we have the power to refocus our thinking. Everyone has moods, and recognizing this makes it easier to forgive others as well as solve problems; as much as possible not acting/reacting during a bad mood will improve our lives. Feelings, on the other hand, are more fleeting, and our barometer for assessing the state of our thoughts. Since all people are individuals, living in separate realities, this chapter gives some insight on not taking the actions of others personally, but instead truly accepting others—and ourselves. The present moment is not just the only time that we can take action, but the key to stopping obsession about the past and worry about the future.
Readers who like self-help books will enjoy this one. Anyone with an open mind who wants to be happier will find one or more of the principles valuable. The short text and simple methods can help anyone with an open mind, and those who already employ some of these principles will find validation and more ideas for increasing happiness. Truly, this book is suitable for just about anyone.
April 15, 2008
For many of us, happiness is a goal that we never seem to achieve. We closely examine our unhappiness and fret over all the issues in our lives. We know in our hearts and our very souls that if we can just earn a little more money, deal with a childhood trauma, or get married that we'll finally be happy. Unfortunately, once we succeed in these endeavors, a whole new set of issues appears and we find ourselves still unhappy.
Life doesn't stop just because we read a self help book or decide to work on our issues. There is no secret formula that magically absolves a person from facing the challenges that we all experience. The ups and downs of everyday life will always be there. However, you can choose how you feel about yourself and your life. You can see problems as defining you as a failure or as a bad person or you can see them as merely a natural part of life. You can try to make your child act just the way you want or nag at your husband because he's not perfect or you can get some perspective and see that these little things aren't all that important in the scope of your love and happiness.
Perhaps, the most important thing I gained from You Can Be Happy No Matter What is the importance of taking time out. Like most human beings, when I'm in a low mood, the world seems darker and my problems more difficult. In the past, I thought that I had to solve these issues as they came up. As the author states though, real problems won't disappear when you are feeling more yourself. Little irritants that don't really matter will simply fall away. Then, you can work on your real problems and actually have a clear mind to do so.
Life doesn't stop just because we read a self help book or decide to work on our issues. There is no secret formula that magically absolves a person from facing the challenges that we all experience. The ups and downs of everyday life will always be there. However, you can choose how you feel about yourself and your life. You can see problems as defining you as a failure or as a bad person or you can see them as merely a natural part of life. You can try to make your child act just the way you want or nag at your husband because he's not perfect or you can get some perspective and see that these little things aren't all that important in the scope of your love and happiness.
Perhaps, the most important thing I gained from You Can Be Happy No Matter What is the importance of taking time out. Like most human beings, when I'm in a low mood, the world seems darker and my problems more difficult. In the past, I thought that I had to solve these issues as they came up. As the author states though, real problems won't disappear when you are feeling more yourself. Little irritants that don't really matter will simply fall away. Then, you can work on your real problems and actually have a clear mind to do so.
March 1, 2024
NOT TRAUMA INFORMED BUT HAD SOME GOOD IDEAS for the average Joe seeking a happier life.
+ three stars for good points that work
- two stars for minimizing trauma in a way that felt condescending and speaking about medical therapy in a way that was uninformed
It had some good points but also some things that seemed inaccurate, such as discussing flaws in how medical providers treat mental health and addiction. I think some medical providers do follow the principles put forth by Dr. Carlson but use different language to help different people understand their thoughts and how to alter them. Dr. Carlson’s book was incredibly repetitive. Some case examples added clarity to the principles and some seemed to lack empathy. The over simplification / black and white presentation of concepts came across condescending. Some mentions could be triggering and borderline belittle the impact of real trauma/abuse. While thoughts certainly drive behaviors, there are also physiologic and biochemical processes within the body that also drive us.
The information on the author hails him as an expert in happiness and describes his accomplishments of being in the media, but negates to tell us his qualifications of study
VALID POINTS FROM A CIS WHITE MAN WITH AN ADVANCED EDUCATION…. You have to read this with a very open mind to gain any impact.
+ three stars for good points that work
- two stars for minimizing trauma in a way that felt condescending and speaking about medical therapy in a way that was uninformed
It had some good points but also some things that seemed inaccurate, such as discussing flaws in how medical providers treat mental health and addiction. I think some medical providers do follow the principles put forth by Dr. Carlson but use different language to help different people understand their thoughts and how to alter them. Dr. Carlson’s book was incredibly repetitive. Some case examples added clarity to the principles and some seemed to lack empathy. The over simplification / black and white presentation of concepts came across condescending. Some mentions could be triggering and borderline belittle the impact of real trauma/abuse. While thoughts certainly drive behaviors, there are also physiologic and biochemical processes within the body that also drive us.
The information on the author hails him as an expert in happiness and describes his accomplishments of being in the media, but negates to tell us his qualifications of study
VALID POINTS FROM A CIS WHITE MAN WITH AN ADVANCED EDUCATION…. You have to read this with a very open mind to gain any impact.
August 25, 2017
This book should be a required reading for everyone. It's practical, essential and reflective. To be more precise; this is self-help at it best. Mr. Carlson did a marvelous job. What I find compelling about his writing is that he simplify and clarify with no dramatizing and always straight to the point. This is a life changing book when the five principles are understood and implied effectively into one's life.
Many people mistakenly believe that circumstances make a person. They don't. Instead, they reveal him or her. Our circumstances don't define us; they represent our unique curriculum - our tests, challenges, and opportunities for personal growth, acceptance, and detachment. Our success as a human being does not lie in our collections of possessions or accomplishments. It does not lie in the details of our predicament, but in how we deal with what we have and how we face our challenges, how we transform our unique curriculum into growth and into a life filled with love.
-Richard Carlson
April 23, 2020
If you have been diagnosed with a mental health illness or psychological injury, I advise you to PLEASE DO NOT read this book. Dr. Richard Carlson, as a psychotherapist, displays remarkable irresponsibility in advocating thoughts and emotions are one’s own fault. This ‘professional’ has obviously no knowledge of trauma (works of Dr Peter Levine or Dr Bessel van der Kolk or Francine Shapiro or Stephen Porges). His brand of trite positive psychology is harmful to those dealing with neurological/polyvagal disruptions. His pat cliches may be useful for someone dealing with a bad day; potentially deadly for someone struggling with larger issues, who could internalize blame with disastrous results.
January 14, 2014
I've become an avid fan of the late Richard Carlson's books ever since I read "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" and have been reading his back-catalogue ever since.
"You Can Be Happy No Matter What" is one of Carlson's earlier books and contained some profound lessons for me. The book focuses on what you think about, your moods and the moods of those around you -- looking at thought, mood, separate realities, feelings and the present moment.
It contains a series of practical tips on how to be happy now, not waiting until you solve your problems.
I found it a powerful book that genuinely changed my perspective on the way I think. Recommended.
"You Can Be Happy No Matter What" is one of Carlson's earlier books and contained some profound lessons for me. The book focuses on what you think about, your moods and the moods of those around you -- looking at thought, mood, separate realities, feelings and the present moment.
It contains a series of practical tips on how to be happy now, not waiting until you solve your problems.
I found it a powerful book that genuinely changed my perspective on the way I think. Recommended.
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