In Silence: Growing Up Hearing in a Deaf World

by Ruth Sidransky

The author relates her bittersweet recollections of growing up in Brooklyn and the Bronx in the 1940s and 1950s as the hearing child of deaf parents

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Memoir, Disability

352 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1990

Reviews

[Mary Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the book “In Silence: Growing up Hearing in a Deaf World”, Ruth Sidransky, the author, begins the memoir with a simplified family tree and a small passage regarding her deaf parents and her feelings that spawned from that hardship. She quickly lets the reader know that it isn’t easy growing up with parents who cannot hear. Words like isolation, seclusion and loneliness only begin to describe her childhood. The prologue provides a quick look into the heart-wrenching tale in which the reader is about to bestow upon.
Ruth is the first living child of Benjamin and Miriam Sidransky. The first part of the book titled “My Beginnings” is filled with her early childhood memories. The most prominent of these memories is learning to speak correctly. Up until Ruth was five years old, she knew one language perfectly- sign language. Because she was to young to be in formal schooling, Ruth only knew how to speak by mimicking her mother and father. She describes her parents spoken language as “high pitched shrieks.”
Although Ruth’s parent’s broken-english were inaudible to a stranger, Ruth could understand it better than the “hearing person’s” speaking voice. So when it came time to put Ruth in school, she was placed in a mentally handicapped classroom. No one at the time had any idea that she was as bright as any other regular-ed child, because they didn’t know that both her parents were deaf. After the principal learned this vital information about Ruth, she was placed in a regular classroom, and suggested into buying a radio.
As Ruth’s spoken English and vocabulary improved, her pride for her family declined. As much as it upset her, she was embarrassed to tell any classmate that her parents were deaf. In the book Ruth said that, “during the day my life was full and exciting, and at night I was in isolation.” She didn’t resent her parent’s unfortunate trait, however she was still embarrassed. She became interested in reading, and her parents were proud that she was becoming so smart. One thing that bothered Ruth was when her mother cursed God for her impairment. Ruth felt bad for being “normal.” She wanted her parents, and her deaf family friends to treat her as one of “them.”
Although this book is about Ruth, it is also about her family, which is the main focus of part two, “The world of my parents.” In this section, stories from each of her parent’s childhood to how they met and fell in love were included. It showed that even though the deaf face a great challenge in the social aspects of life, they have many memories, both happy and sad. Her mother was a beauty queen, and her father a boxing king. They both cannot speak, yet they lived fulfilling youthful lives.
The third part, “Growing up” focuses on Ruth maturing through her silent personal life. Her tribulations in accepting the frustrating fact of her parent’s inability to take complete care of her. Although she loves her parents dearly, she feels like she missed out on being a childhood because she spent a lot of time defending and taking care of her delicate family. Though many chapters of this section are also dedicated to telling stories of the fun times shared with her family including trips to the zoo, playing in the snow, and going to Madison Square Garden.
Ruth even steers away from her family, and talks about issues like the national poverty and friends of the family’s lives. The majority of the stories take place in the middle of The Great Depression, and Ruth makes it known that her family had no money. However, she doesn’t stray from the fact that although her family is poor, they never stopped having fun with each other.
Sidransky did a great job telling her life story as growing up with two deaf parents. She emitted emotions through text ranging from anger to joy to embarrassment to pride. She made the reader feel as if they grew up with this family. The emotions she felt throughout her childhood were ones that the reader felt as they were reading the book.
Not only did the reader get the perspective of the child of deaf parents, but the perspectives of the deaf themselves. There were chapters devoted to the stories of both Miriam and Ben. The reader learned that although the deaf overcame life without sound, they went through great hardships to finally feel accepted in society. Ruth’s parents were cheated by the butcher, scoffed by neighbors, and put down by even their own family members.
Education served a big purpose in the memoir. Ben went to a school specifically for the hearing impaired, however did not learn sign language. They only taught him to speak and read, which, for a deaf child, is not nearly as important as learning sign language. In the turn of the century, there was little help for deaf children, and Ben’s story exemplifies that. Mary, on the other hand, was put in a deaf girl’s boarding school. She did not enjoy school at all, and before her first year of education ended, she refused to go. Instead, she learned sign and spoken language by working in New York City from the time she was 14 years old.
Ruth spoken in broken English until she was 5 years old, at which time she was ashamed to speak in public. Before she started school, the only English she heard was the English her parents spoke. After she started school, however, she was eager to learn more than the average students in her class. The more she learned the more her parents learned. She served as not only a daughter, but also a teacher to her parents.
The book’s purpose is to let the reader know that language is not only based on nature, nuture is required to have any language at all. In class, the discussion that nature and nurture were both factors into learning a language, however, this book tells us that the only effective way to learn language is through nurture. Proper teaching and acceptance to learn a language, even for the deaf, can be achieved if taught.
Sidransky explains in the book that sign language is a hard language to grasp because some words in English cannot be explained to a deaf person if there is no sign for it. When she explains to her mother some words that do not have signs, her mother just shrugs for her inability to understand. This somehow explains that sign language is one of the most difficult languages to grasp.
In the definition of language: “(language) is described by at least five parameters- phonologic, morphologic, syntactic, semantic and pragmatic.” Sign language contains all the grammatical bases, and therefore holds true the five required parameters that describe a language. Sidransky tells the reader that she is fluent in two languages: sign and English. Although sign language sometimes excludes prepositions, and contains some minor grammatical errors, it still doesn’t deny the fact that it is used to communicate from person to person. That’s the most important factor language.

[Lucinda Terwilliger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautifully well written book. I suggest this book anyone who is involved in the deaf community or wants to learn about what it's like being a CODA!

[Catina Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book...from beginning to end. Also emotional and informational!

[Teo smite · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ear opening story of a couple from New York and their hearing daughter as she grows up in the thirties and forties. A well written introduction to the deaf world.

[Frau Ott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much I had to reread it. I first read this book while I was teaching. It was given to me by Hildegarde Bender, a teacher who worked with me at Highland Schools. It describes the world of the deaf. A family living and surviving the second world war. It was given to me for Christmas 1991 and was actually published in 1990. Learning a second language - growing up an American born of German natives was a challenge in and of itself. This book spoke to me in many languages..... I refound it last week while trying to clear my bookshelf. I now have a student who is working with the deaf, teaching them through sign language. I think I will pass it on to her.

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sidransky's parents were remarkable people. Though she found it difficult to grow up hearing in a Deaf family, she lets the reader see her parents' wonderful personalities. They come across as deeply loving, supportive people who encouraged her to grow into a full human being. There are many moving scenes in the book. I'm not sure how people who speak ASL will feel about seeing ASL syntax in written English. I really liked that part of it, especially because it gave at least a limited sense of the beauty of ASL.

[Trudi · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing, beautiful book. This provided a perspective of the culture in which my mother grew up. Although we knew no Deaf, we did know disadvantage, and something of silence.

Ben's love for words, and Miriam's love of mothering touch and dance, and Ruth's determination to bring light out of darkness by bringing sound out of silence creates a book that feels like a poem.

Thank you for writing your wonderful story.

[Josiah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ruth Sidransky has written a moving memoir of her parents, Benjamin & Mary Sidransky. Both were Deaf, Jewish, New Yorkers who lived hardscrabble lives as they fought for access to language, education, money, and home. Ruth delves into the confusion, fear, naturalness, and poetry of bilingualism, beautifully honoring the memory of her parents.

Plot: C
Writing: B
Vocabulary: B
Level: Easy
Rating: PG
Worldview: Nominally Jewish

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting story of a hearing girl raised by deaf parents. However, the language was annoying. Not the part where she wrote out the sign language into written English; that was authentic and I liked it. But her written language is too flowery and effusive, tedious to get through.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had hoped for a lot, and this book just didn't deliver. Definitely disappointing.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

EXCELLENT--excellent writing, imagery, emotion, characters--BUY IT! Great hearing perspective of deaf world**

[Kim Faires · Rating 4 out of 5]

True story of a hearing child born to 2 deaf parents. Story filled with much love and true understanding of a girl in between 2 worlds.

[Mary Whisner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moving memoir by the daughter of deaf parents in New York during the Depression. While some of the stories are sad or infuriating, the portraits of the parents are very loving.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book as I grew up hearing in a deaf world. I could relate so well to what each character was going through.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting perspective on a woman who grew up hearing with two deaf parents. She has a real appreciation for language, both spoken and through sign language.

[Rose]

A very interesting account of the author's life growing up between the hearing and Deaf worlds.

[Mona Randall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Opened my eyes to the hearing child's perspective of having deaf parents. Well written, thank you.

[SouthWestZippy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Quick read.

[Asif Syed · Rating 3 out of 5]

A vivid account of what it's like to grow up hearing in a deaf family.
The author manages to capture the essence of social exclusion and living on the edge of silence and sound.
Despite being family-oriented, I was surprised the author had very little to say about her brother, Freddie. Left me curious and intrigued.