Blindfold: A Memoir of Capture, Torture, and Enlightenment

by Theo Padnos

An award-winning journalist’s extraordinary account of being kidnapped and tortured in Syria by al Qaeda for two years—a revelatory memoir about war, human nature, and endurance that’s “the best of the genre, profound, poetic, and sorrowful” (The Atlantic).In 2012, American journalist Theo Padnos, fluent in Arabic, Russian, German, and French, traveled to a Turkish border town to write and report on the Syrian civil war. One afternoon in October, while walking through an olive grove, he met three young Syrians—who turned out to be al Qaeda operatives—and they captured him and kept him prisoner for nearly two years. On his first day, in the first of many prisons, Padnos was given a blindfold—a grime-stained scrap of fabric—that was his only possession throughout his horrific ordeal. Now, Padnos recounts his time in captivity in Syria, where he was frequently tortured at the hands of the al Qaeda affiliate, Jebhat al Nusra. We learn not only about Padnos’s harrowing experience, but we also get a firsthand account of life in a Syrian village, the nature of Islamic prisons, how captors interrogate someone suspected of being CIA, the ways that Islamic fighters shift identities and drift back and forth through the veil of Western civilization, and much more. No other journalist has lived among terrorists for as long as Theo has—and survived. As a resident of thirteen separate prisons in every part of rebel-occupied Syria, Theo witnessed a society adrift amid a steady stream of bombings, executions, torture, prayer, fasting, and exhibitions, all staged by the terrorists. Living within this tide of violence changed not only his personal identity but also profoundly altered his understanding of how to live. Offering fascinating, unprecedented insight into the state of Syria today, Blindfold is “a triumph of the human spirit” (The New York Times Book Review)—combining the emotional power of a captive’s memoir with a journalist’s account of a culture and a nation in conflict that is as urgent and important as ever.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Middle East, Politics, War, True Crime

352 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 16, 2021

Reviews

[Chris Riley · Rating 2 out of 5]

By the time I was 50 pages in I just wasn’t buying what was sold to me, except that he was actually kidnapped, so I decided to watch some interviews on YouTube and do a little research on this guy.

First off, he is NOT AN AWARD WINNING journalist. He just won some award for being the most interesting guy in a documentary, which considering the fact that one of the other nominees was IGGY POP, means that it was NOT an award for journalism, which is false advertising and just pathetic, which is why I’m giving him 2 stars, instead of one. The second star is out of pity.

I bought this book hoping to learn something about Al Qaeda, but the only thing I learned is that Amazon lets you return Kindle purchases within 7 days.

[Chuck_Les · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Stars. This was a difficult read. The descriptions of physical torture and the psychological torture of confinement and solitude were often draining. Even worse, for me, was the opening section leading up to his capture. Like in a horror movie where you helplessly watch a character walking into the house, it is almost excrutiating to read every step that leads Padnos toward his ultimate torment. To his credit, he does not sugarcoat the ignorance and arrogance that led him to Syria. If anything he downplays the nobler motivations that played a role in his desire to go to Syria to depict the plight of the Syrian civilians in the midst of the devastating civil war. That being said, there is a certain hubris in his conviction that he will be the one to capture that plight. And both in his depiction of his journalistic efforts and explicitly in his later reflections while in captivity he shows a good deal of self awareness and insight into his own motivations and shortcomings.

Another strength of the book was in his depiction of the personalities of his tormenters and his relationships with them. Without falling into "Stockholm syndrome" cliches, he shows with admirable nuance the variety of guards, soldiers and torturers he encountered-- from fanatical children, to young men easily distracted by stories of American women, to outright sadists.

Also insightful was his depiction of his relationships with his fellow captives. There is great irony in his relatively positive relationship with the jihadist who had attempted to join ISIS and his horrendous relationship with the American photographer who regales him with his ideas for screenplays. At times this borders on the humorous, but it gets at the psychological truth that the quality of relationships are more often based on personality than morality. A person might philosophically believe you deserve to be killed and yet still be a better cellmate than someone who is just a garden-variety asshole.

I did feel that the book was a bit long. Some judicious editing would have strengthened the book's emotional impact. Also there wasnt as much analysis of the broader conflict in Syria as I might have hoped. Still this was a moving and psychologically insightful memoir.

[Özlem Güzelharcan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Theo Padnos -beş parasız Amerikalı freelancer bir gazeteci- 2012'de Türkiye'ye geliyor. İstanbul'dan Antakya'ya geçip orada bir kaç Suriyeli ile vakit geçiriyor. Yemeler içmeler, sohbetler, otelde konaklamalar derken adamlar Padnos'u Suriye'ye götürüyor. Padnos'ta hayaller fora: Savaş muhabirliği yapacak, örgüt liderleri ve üyeleriyle röportajlar yapacak, makalelerini The New Yorker'a falan satacak.

-O kadar hayalperest ve naif biri ki, yazmayı düşündüğü makale konuları şöyle:

“Right away, on my first day in Antakya, I began sending out my pitch letters. What about a story focusing on the music of the Syrian revolution? No one was interested. What about the mysterious-because-incommunicative young men from Libya, France, and Holland one stumbled into in front of the military supply shops in Antakya? “Fascinating,” said one editor, “but not for us.” Austin Tice, a sometime freelancer and full-time law student at Georgetown, had disappeared in Syria in August of that year. A story about Austin Tice? No one was interested. I had an idea about the zany press characters wars attract. What about an update of the 1973 campaign memoir The Boys on the Bus, in which the bus would be the Turkish bars where the next generation of war correspondents was coming of age? No one was interested”

O sırada yaşlı annesi emailler atarak ona ne yaptığını soruyor.

“As they say in Georgia,” she wrote in an email I received the day before my Antakya restaurant reckoning, “ ‘tell me what you know good.’ ” This, I knew, was her way of saying, What in God’s name are you doing in Turkey? Please. Stop being an idiot.”

Ah teyzecim! Bilsen çocuğun bırak Türkiye'yi Suriye'ye gidecek, haberin yok!

Padnos hayaline kavuşuyor, Suriye'ye gidiyor. Lakin onu götüren dost görünümlü adamlar El Kaide bağlantılı tipler çıkıyor ve Padnos'u kaçırıyorlar.

Bu noktada benim düşüncem tam da şu oluyor:

Haftalarca Hatay'da adamlarla takıldın. Bu insanlar bizim ülkemizde yaşadılar. Cihatçı, kafa kesen, bildiğin orta çağ gezgini teroristler yani. Ve bu olay 12 sene önce olmuş. Şimdi kimbilir kaç tanesi daha buralara geldi, geliyor, yaşıyor. Aramızdalar! Kanım donuyor.

Bundan sonrası yokuş aşağı bir yuvarlanma tabi. Türlü türlü işkence, aşağılanma, her gün ölümle tehdit edilme..
Padnos tüm bunları sade bir dille, çok normal şeylermiş gibi abartmadan, hislerini fazla ortaya koymadan, gazeteci soğukkanlılığı ile yazmış. Aklıma İşid'in elinde 40 gün kalan Bünyamin Aygün geliyor, onun da dili benzerdi.

2 yılın sonunda El Kaide'nin elinden kurtulan Padnos bu kitabı yazıyor.

Şimdilerde yeni Suriye gelişmeleri gündemde, malum. Şahane bir röportaj videosunu izledim Padnos'un, 2 hafta önce çekilmiş. Şu an Suriye'nin başına geçen adamlar bizzat ona işkence eden adamlardan bazılarıymış. O zamanlar onların hükümeti devirme, cihadist planlarını ve hayallerini izbe binalar içinde gözleri bağlı şekilde dinleyip, bilmem kaç kişi öldürdüğünü söyleyen Abu Bilmemne kişisine survival instinct sağ olsun Maşallah diyordu, şimdi ekranlarda bu hayallerin seneler sonra gerçek olduğunu gördü. Ne garip.

Padnos, esir olduğu dönemde tanıdığı kişilerin bazılarıyla hala iletişim halindeymiş. Röportajda söylüyor, "Bana yemek getirmişti, açlıktan ölecektim" diyor birisi için mesela. Daha bu sabah onunla konuştum diyor. Stockholm Syndrome to the finest yani.

Tüm yaşadıklarına rağmen Padnos iyimser, umutlu. Hala Arapça'yı seviyor, İslam'ı araştırıyor. (Yemen'de kalmış, Arapça öğrenmiş.) Nefret dolu değil asla.

Umarım kitap Türkçe'ye çevrilir.

[John Harmon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Felt he left a lot out like when he was rescued….
Hard to follow.

[Jennifer Bashford · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author spends most of the book complaining that the major news outlets wouldn't hire him...after reading this, it's not entirely hard to understand why. It's not bad if you have an existing understanding of the Syrian conflict, but requires a fair amount of external research otherwise. My main complaint was the pacing - after spending a third of the book describing how he got kidnapped, he spent TWO PAGES describing how he was released and came home. The end. It was fairly bizarre.

[Melissa Kiley | memoirs.of.a.booknerd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Blindfold by Theo Padnos chronicles the real-life story of American journalist, Theo Padnos, who was kidnapped and tortured by al Qaeda affiliate Jebhat al Nusra for two years before being set free.

Given the graphic nature of stories such as these (⚠️TW: torture, violence, terrorism) I’m careful in those I pick up, wanting to make sure it will add something to my understanding of the conflict rather than being a gratuitous read, and this book does offer a unique perspective to others I’ve read. Theo’s account combines his personal experience with political background on the conflict itself and is unique in that it does shed some light into the mindset of his captors and how they come to be embroiled in this cycle of terrorism. I’ve seen some reviews criticize this empathy, but I would say it came across as more of a balanced account of the reality of this conflict told with a journalist’s eye.

That being said, the back and forth between personal experience and political knowledge did slow the pace of the book down considerably, which made it harder to get through. Similarly, although recounting the sequence of events he endured, Theo does not share much of his own emotional experience of the ordeal. I fully recognize that Theo does not owe this to anyone – it is his lived experience and this trauma is his to unpack in whatever way is comfortable for him – but when reading a memoir, one expects an inside look in to the experience and with this story missing much of that piece, it felt very factual and detached which again contributed to it being a bit harder to get through.

I would recommend this book for anyone who is interested in a novel perspective of this conflict and ordeals such as these, but would recommend tempering your expectation in terms of the amount of personal disclosure you’re expecting from this memoir.

Thank you @simonschusterca @scribnerbooks for my #gifted copy!

[Greg D · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book waffles on a lot.
"The Dawn Prayer" (book) maybe a more accurate account of this captivity. And also a far better read.

[Patricia Ibarra · Rating 5 out of 5]

The account of a journalist who decided to go to the Turkish border to write about the prevailing situation in Syria and its civil war, but Al Qaeda claimed that he was a spy and worked for the CIA - not an uncommon occurrence. Therefore, he was tortured constantly to make him confess and ended up spending 2 years in prison under terrible conditions. Writing about his experience helped us understand what was actually going on in that country and reinforces the terrible belief promoted by religions that killing in the name of God is acceptable, something we have read and heard of thousands of times. He is one of the very few journalists who has been captured and managed to survive.

[Milena Frank · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the author's descriptions of his ordeals are deeply moving. But there is a nervous, almost neurotic quality to the book's constant firings of personal and political musings. Many reflections are very repetitive, especially his depictions of himself as a 'dumb American' in the first part of the book. I also missed real depth on his re-entry into his old world and reunification with his mother. Had it not been for a human interest in his captivity and release, I would have struggled to get through this book.

[Priscilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very difficult to read, however, unable to put it down because of my association with soldiers with whom I worked in the US ARMY. It is only a miracle that Mr. Padnos, in my opinion, survived in the most difficult and inhumane conditions anyone should suffer. It has its surprises and anticipations but filled with information that I am happy to see someone other than a military member clearly release what goes on in their every day life. Thank you, Sir, for a well-written, true and informative book of horror, and mostly your ability to have the strength to survive.

[Reece Willis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well written and descriptive account of an extremely harrowing ordeal. Theo Padnos has not only produced an excellent insight into what it was like from a psychological perspective, but also provides the reader with expert knowledge of his surroundings and the political situations that brought him to the point of capture. Reading Blindfold will make you feel like you're by his side every step of the way.

[Caroline David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, Theo Padnos shares his very personal story as a hostage in Syria. I was completely shocked by how he was captured and who did the capturing. His ability to tell this story, which is no doubt very hard to share, is unrivaled and I loved hearing from him.

[Roxanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hostage in Syria for two years, the author does a magnificent job describing his kidnapping, imprisonment and his insights into caliphate lives. Beautifully written, it is an eye-opening account of the psychology and motivations of some of the Middle East.

[Erin Matson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is, I think purposefully, an irritating read. That is, paradoxically, its strongest part. Theo Padnos thought he had a great, soaring story. He romanticized everything he saw. Instead he was captured and tortured.

[Chris Reath · Rating 2 out of 5]

Could have been great, but needed a better editor. Enthralled by some parts. Bored to tears by others. I guess this was the point? He pretty much seemed to recall everything, and it was not all shocking. It was a lot of lived boredom.

[Rachel Desmond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this as an extended stoic meditation. Padnos really spent a good deal of time bumbling around in Syria, and I appreciated that he was humble enough to say he really got himself into that mess. I felt like the enlightenment aspect of the book could have been expanded.

[Glenn Stenquist · Rating 5 out of 5]

A riveting book of capture, survival and overcoming that is a must read. Pick up a copy.

[Sally Bruggeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn’t put it down!

What a unique and interesting story! I loved the writing and I learned a lot. Thanks for such a good read!

[Joan Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

An eye opening account of the civil war in Syria and a revealing of the religious feelings that fuel the combatants hatred of those with different beliefs and outlooks.

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

The torture and abuse Theo Padnos receives from his captors is unrelenting and often hard to read. The months and months of torture that are followed by small acts of human kindness begin to feel wearying after two hundred pages, and this is not a slam on the author. I'm sure the weariness I felt is nothing compared to what Padnos and other prisoners have felt during their subjection to long-term imprisonment. But the part of the title that took the longest for me to begin to understand was "Enlightenment." How could he possibly arrive at enlightenment after two years of constant abuse at the hands of sadistic jihadists who thought of him and treated him as an animal? What could come from this?

I think I had a tentative answer to this that came from two elements of Padnos' tale toward the end as he details the torture less and begins to reflect on the dreams of his jailers who are abusing their hostage American. The first comes when he is given paper and pen with which to write, and he begins to tell a story of a girl he names Gypsy who lives in the area of Vermont he is from. This is all a fiction, but as he is tortured, he relates the tale of her own abduction, rape, and torture. At first, this seemed sadistic on his part, though I saw his writing as an attempt to try to understand it.

The second element, alongside this novel of abduction, rape, and murder he is telling as happening in his home state--he seems to get solace out of thinking of his home--comes as he begins to understand his jailers' dream of a Caliphate. Their dream of being freed from the abuse of the Assad Regime and other abusers as they realize a new Syria of Muslim unity and love is one that he begins to reflect on and think about.

When he is freed and he is home (not a spoiler since we know he lived to tell this story), his initial impressions of home are of the abusive novel he was writing and of the girl Gypsy being violated and the violence that could come to his home in Vermont. But as he finds himself more at home, he begins to long for the dream of belonging to a safe country where he lives, where all can participate freely and fully.

I don't know, but I think this is a vision we may not think about too much, and it may only come to those who have suffered as much as this author has.

[Ruby · Rating 3 out of 5]

"My feeling that I was about to die allowed me to see. In a prison cell, at the very end of your allotment of days, you are in a little eagle's nest, a thousand feet above the surface of the earth. You can see everything. Why do the living struggle and sweat, you wonder, when all they really need to do is to live?"

"My theory of travel, which I had devloped in libraries in America during graduate school, was that travel allowed you to slip into lives you might have lived but hadn't yet had the time. TO give your old life the slip, you had to learn to east as foreigners ate, to speak the languages they spoke, and to pray as they prayed. The more totally you gave yourself to them, the further you could see into the lives of others."

"It seems to me now that, as the billion dollars in covert aid the Obama adminstration approved for the Syrian resistance in the spring of the 2013 began to flood into Syria, some of the rebel commanders, feeling themselves buoyed by newfound alliances, lost interest in making deals with the Syrian government. Perhaps the guns that began to tumble into the rebel's hands then had the effect of bringing out their will to kill. Perhaps they hadn't been much interested in making a deal in the first place. Now new, richer deals beckoned on the horizon."

"If a destabilizing power were to establish itself here at home, I thought, my fellow citizens would live through a moment of shock, as I had done in Syria. But they were a robust lot. They were much stronger than they knew. In the fullness of time, they would gather themselves together. They would pitch themselves into the fray. Probably, they would come through it all with an enhanced appreciation of life. Had not some such awakening of the spirit occured to me after my ordeal in Syria?"

[Nathan Kreps · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very introspective book. I never questioned the author's honesty, but I did want he hear more what he learned and how his perspective changed. I know being held captive for two years had a big impact on him. He makes himself look so naive at the beginning, but he very rarely goes back and judges or evaluates what happened and why. It's clear that he foolishly put his safety in the hands of people with malicious intent, but I don't know if he really regrets it or would behave differently today. I got the sense that he was a trusting person and he liked being a trusting person. He wants to make friends. He wants to see the humanity in people. Throughout his captivity, he tries to connect with his jailers, the villagers, his fellow captives. It's not clear why. Is it his nature? Was it to convince someone to help him get free? Are they manipulating him or he them? Maybe these are unanswerable questions, but they just don't get asked or addressed, and I really would have liked to have heard that. What I understood clearly by the end was that he was understandably traumatized. Other than that, I'm not sure how his world view changed at all. I want to know how, today, he balances his trusting nature with protecting himself. If he is still curious about the people of Syria. If he still wants to be a journalist. That said, the book did an excellent job giving a first person view of his experience. I just wanted a little more.

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Frightening Ordeal

Imagine deciding as a young person that your life was kind of at a standstill. You needed to earn money, become a known entity in your chosen profession and it just wasn't happening where you were. So you decide to travel to foreign lands and write about your experiences, the culture and its people. Remember, you are young and think this may be a great way to establish yourself as a journalist and perhaps attract major attention among news media and well known publications as well as assure money would be forthcoming. Theo Padnos attracted attention all right -- and it was totally attention of the wrong kind! He found himself being kidnapped and imprisoned by enemies of the U.S, tortured, hungry, and with no idea if anyone knew of his plight or even if he'd SURVIVE it!
This book initially seemed interesting to me. But as it wore on, I personally had difficulty with following some of the discussions involving politics, the different groups and which were seemingly not so bad, those who were mean and those who were downright brutal. It would have been hard for me to trust anyone in such situations because as an American in Islam territory, you are always under suspicion and "evil" it seemed.
Some of the reading was very dry to me. Those tended to be the areas I didn't clearly understand.

[Adrian]

Padnos a struggling writer with a background in the Middle East and fluent in Arabic finds two guys willing to take him over the border from Turkey into Syria. He discovers too late that they plan to kidnap him. Padnos spends the better part of two years from 2012 to 2014 held in captivity by Jebhat-al-Nusra. Repeatedly brutalized, starved, tortured and kept in chains he is accused of being a CIA spy. He escapes once only to be handed back to his captors by police, is witness to the death of a man in an adjoining cell from torture and is moved repeatedly from prison to prison around the country surviving it all by being remarkably receptive to what the terrorists holding him wanted. He does what he has to to survive so one can't question his willingness to ameliorate towards crazed religious zealots. When he is finally released in August 2014 under shadowy circumstances (a ransom is paid but by who to whom is not clear) he expressed regret on having to leave his tormentors. Is this Stockholm syndrome or did something happen in the last year of captivity that he skims over very quickly in the book that could answer how anyone could feel regret for putting this part of the world in the rearview mirror?

[Ted Waterfall · Rating 3 out of 5]

Blindfold, by Theo Padnos, is a memoir by an American journalist who, in 2012, while trying to salvage a rather unremarkable career as a freelance reporter, decided to go to Syria and report on the Civil War. While there he convinced a group of young men to drive him into the heart of the country. Unfortunately for him, these men proved to be members of Jebhat al Nusra, a subdivision of al Qaeda, a vicious trrorist organization, and when they finally identified themselves it was too late.

Now a prisoner/hostage of this famous terrorist gang, this memoir describes his experiences at their hands. For two years of captivity he was beaten, tortured both physically and psychologically, and transferred from one prison to another. Being an American journalist without any record of employment it was assumed he was a spy for the CIA. This did not bode well for him.

One can learn something about the mindset of Muslim extremists from this memoir, they reminded this reader a lot of Japanese suicide soldiers of World War 2, but it is obvious that it was written by a newspaper journalist, and not a professional novelist. The styles are different. I also found the ending rather confusing, a bit unsettling.

[Liz Davidson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of this book were fascinating. Padnos has insights about participants in extremist groups in Syria that ring very true to me. I think he is also very honest about the range of emotions he experienced during his confinement, including a seemingly improbable fondness for his captors that alternates with incredible rage.

At times, though, this book is incredibly frustrating. Padnos is very honest about the mistakes that led to his abduction, but he goes about it slowly, and waiting for the inevitable to happen is agonizing—especially because some of the warning signs he describes are very clear. I almost quit the book before getting to any actually interesting insights. Other parts are a bit repetitive, although I suppose two years of confinement was very repetitive.

I know that he and Matt Schrier have differing accounts of their time as cellmates (I might need to look at Schrier's account next).

Overall, this is a worthwhile read if you can stomach descriptions of torture.

[Nicole Roussell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. Honest and self-critical, the author takes a look at how and why he got captured and taken prisoner. And then instead of just gorily describing the torture or just railing against his captors, he really takes you on a journey through his own thoughts and emotions through the years of imprisonment.

I walked away with a better understanding of the psychology of the al Nusra, al Qaeda, and other extremist terrorist groups and with a really interesting and compelling story of exactly you get through an ordeal like that.

He’s clearly a unique person with a very unique set of experiences and I was fascinated throughout the book. The book wasn’t for some sort of plot-driven thriller, it was instead driven by the psychology of an intense and terrifying situation.

There is a little repetition in it but I still think it added to the story line. Highly recommend!

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazing story and told well but it was a hard read. Tales of torture, entrapment, darkness and loneliness really strike you in the heart. I had to read this book in little bits, interspersed with happier books. It’s not meant to be a happy tale though

Theo went though hell and then went through it again. He was kidnapped in Syria and help prisoner in 13 different prisons within a 2 year span. The name references the only possession he had throughout his ordeal.

I honestly don’t know what else I could say about the book. It doesn’t sound right to say I enjoyed it. It opened my eyes to things that have gone on around the world, far from home. They aren’t pleasant things but I read about a lot of unpleasant things.

I’m proud of Theo for writing this book. I hope it helped him to heal.

I received a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

[Cathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir of an American man’s imprisonment in Syria, which is quite detached and unemotional in spite of or because of the difficulties of his situation. His matter-of-fact tone, his command of the Arabic language, and his knowledge of the political situation enabled him to share insights that are interesting; however, this memoir seems to be missing his personal experience in a large way. How much a traumatized person wants to reveal about his darkest struggles is absolutely a personal decision, yet why write a memoir if you are not willing to share? His inclusion of a violent piece of fiction he was writing during the last six months of his captivity seemed a strange addendum and for me, did little to advance the story.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This books was truly enlightening. The ability to learn about the intersections of religion, poverty, and social structures in the middle east in such an intimate way is a privilege. I believe that empathy and knowledge are the cornerstones to a more peaceful world and this book helps develop both of those skills. To get the most value out of this book, you must not read this book through the lens of an average American, but rather that of an observer (channel Nick Carraway from the Great Gatsby if you will). This is also not a book you're going to binge read. Take your time with it, highlight parts that surprise you, challenge your personal opinions. This book will make you a more solicitous person.