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How to Be a Man (Whatever That Means): Lessons in Modern Masculinity from a Questionable Source
There's no wrong way to be a woman. There are countless wrong ways to be a man. James Breakwell should know. He's tried just about all of them. Journalism. Pig ownership. Felony lawn gnome theft. Whatever masculinity is supposed to be, this can't be it. But can you really fail at something no one can quite define? Apparently. Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone's favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder what really happened to those creepy lawn gnomes on that deserted country road. (Spoiler alert: They're right behind you.) If you ever wanted to know how to fail at altruism, dodge the priesthood, and stumble your way into unexpected wisdom, this book is for you. How to Be a Man (Whatever that Means) presents a vision of manhood that looks very different from what you'll see on TV. And that's a good thing. Probably.
240 pages, Paperback
Published June 1, 2021
39 people are currently reading
1424 people want to read
About the author
James Breakwell
13 books293 followersJames Breakwell is a professional comedy writer and amateur father of four girls, ages eight and under. He is best known for his family humor Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn, which boasts more than a million followers. The account went viral In April 2016 and transformed James from a niche comedy writer into one of the most popular dad brands on social media.
Since becoming internet famous, James has been profiled by USA Today, US Weekly, The Daily Mail, Metro, The Telegraph, Cosmopolitan, Better Homes and Gardens, Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, Upworthy, The Chive, Bored Panda, 9gag, College Humor, various ABC and Fox TV news affiliates, and countless other TV, radio, and internet outlets. Pictures of his smiling girls have been displayed in newspapers as far away as India. His articles have appeared in Reader’s Digest, The Federalist, and AskMen. He writes a bi-monthly newspaper column for the IndyStar and has been a guest multiple times on HLN’s The Daily Share.
Closer Magazine named James its 2016 Blogger Dad of the Year. In 2017, he was a finalist for a Shorty Award in the parenting category.
James writes more than just family jokes. His Star Wars parody account @VeryLonelyLuke went viral in December 2015 and now has nearly 350,000 followers. Combined with James’ verified Facebook page, Instagram account, and other various comedy Twitter accounts, James has a total reach of more than 1.5 million followers. He also also reaches thousands of daily readers through his three webcomics, Unbelievably Bad, Unfridgeworthy, and Wombat Dojo.
James’ debut book, Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, released in October 2017. The parenting book/zombie survival guide mashup is currently available in U.S. and UK markets and is slated to be translated into French and Korean. His second book, Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child, is scheduled for release November 6, 2018.
James is represented by Mark Gottlieb of Trident Media Group. He is open to advertising and writing inquiries.
Since becoming internet famous, James has been profiled by USA Today, US Weekly, The Daily Mail, Metro, The Telegraph, Cosmopolitan, Better Homes and Gardens, Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, Upworthy, The Chive, Bored Panda, 9gag, College Humor, various ABC and Fox TV news affiliates, and countless other TV, radio, and internet outlets. Pictures of his smiling girls have been displayed in newspapers as far away as India. His articles have appeared in Reader’s Digest, The Federalist, and AskMen. He writes a bi-monthly newspaper column for the IndyStar and has been a guest multiple times on HLN’s The Daily Share.
Closer Magazine named James its 2016 Blogger Dad of the Year. In 2017, he was a finalist for a Shorty Award in the parenting category.
James writes more than just family jokes. His Star Wars parody account @VeryLonelyLuke went viral in December 2015 and now has nearly 350,000 followers. Combined with James’ verified Facebook page, Instagram account, and other various comedy Twitter accounts, James has a total reach of more than 1.5 million followers. He also also reaches thousands of daily readers through his three webcomics, Unbelievably Bad, Unfridgeworthy, and Wombat Dojo.
James’ debut book, Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, released in October 2017. The parenting book/zombie survival guide mashup is currently available in U.S. and UK markets and is slated to be translated into French and Korean. His second book, Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child, is scheduled for release November 6, 2018.
James is represented by Mark Gottlieb of Trident Media Group. He is open to advertising and writing inquiries.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
August 3, 2021
I follow James Breakwell on SM and find his tweets and little snippets of his life amusing. He has the ability to turn mundane stories into instantly comedic occurrences.
This book does not disappoint on that front. James Breakwell writes about his experiences and what he has learnt from them. Cutting corners and getting lucky are frequently occurring themes in the book. In a set of essays, he tells us how he reached where he is and what lessons he learnt on the way.
If you are feeling low or worthless, just read this book. Keep a tissue close because your eyes will be full of tears (mostly from laughing but also from crying, in one instance).
This is the first James Breakwell book I have read and the review would be incomplete if I do not mention the author's writing. He can write. Amazingly.
Thanks to Netgalley, James Breakwell, and BenBella Books for the ARC.
4 stars.
This book does not disappoint on that front. James Breakwell writes about his experiences and what he has learnt from them. Cutting corners and getting lucky are frequently occurring themes in the book. In a set of essays, he tells us how he reached where he is and what lessons he learnt on the way.
If you are feeling low or worthless, just read this book. Keep a tissue close because your eyes will be full of tears (mostly from laughing but also from crying, in one instance).
This is the first James Breakwell book I have read and the review would be incomplete if I do not mention the author's writing. He can write. Amazingly.
Thanks to Netgalley, James Breakwell, and BenBella Books for the ARC.
4 stars.
July 9, 2021
Disclaimer: I'm currently about 50% though this and will finish it to the end because it's entertaining, if often frustrating.
Also, there's a lot of strong opinions here which are personal and will probably irritate a lot of casuals, as well as those committed to a lifetime spent with the inverse paradigm. So tread on at your own risk of taking offense.
And if the author happens, in a 1 in a million or so chance to stumble upon to my precious little review, which is fairly scathing, he may opt now to opt out, or go on knowing that I tried my best to be fair and he may well have a credible defense if he wished to muster it, of a life hidden out of the public eye, for which humour is just a smoke screen to disguise more sincere sentiments. I recognize that may be true, so I'm not commenting on the author - who I don't know - but just on the narrative, and the version of himself that the author chose to present.
Okay there. Thoughts:
This book is the spiritual successor to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. It's antithetical to the Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged, Nietzche's works, Beatrix Potter and other wholesome tales of idealism...ha. (See? 50% of you or more are already mad!) It's about how people fail, and to the extent that it is self-abnegating, that's all quite hilarious, but to the extent that it is in a way a manifesto of cynical mediocrity's social advantages, it's a gross disappointment to my inner Lisa Simpson. I want the world to be a better place, as many claim, and many who love this book can't probably see a conflict between this narrative and that professed goal. I value honor and people who try their hardest to be the change they want to see in the world, not to pat myself on the back because I frankly don't think there's much social capital in it these days besides a perfunctory smile and almost irrepressible eyeroll the second Captain Planet isn't looking.
The point is that this book isn't about any of that. It's about moral relativism, cutting corners and how to get by, and not even in a rockstar Han Solo kind of edgy way - just in a lowest common denominator, Jim from the Office / Fry from Futurama kind of hapless, accidental shirker way.
As someone convinced that we have entered the Age of Meh, wherein people who try are just "extra", character is a thing of the past and the only arguable resistance to a globally homogenized commercialized dystopian drone army of cyborg consumer slaves is the unmovable tonnage of apathy in the face of evil. Similarly, this inertial uber-neutrality in life is both the resistance to the most irrational & reactionary aspects of cancel culture, but also the reason cancel culture exists at all (a reaction to longstanding complacency with what we can pretty much all agree are BS aspects of society).
You can't come away with this story with much respect for the author, except for the fact that he tried to be honest about things, it would seem. Lots of people would call that brave, but it's not brave if you trivialize your mistakes with humour and "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids". It's just a matter of using what you have to try to make a profit, which is what we all do, but doing it in a way that glorifies lame and cowardly behavior by putting it unrepentently in what is, to some degree, a "guide", however tongue-in-cheek.
Lots of 4th wave feminists - the more militant sort - may appreciate the author strictly because he asserted in a book (of a genre conventionally seen as a vestige of the Patriarchy) that there is nothing better about men inherently or that they should try to offer than what is intrinsically available in women: a whole bunch of nothing. If anything, the takeaway is that men suck and women are awesome and the best way to be a man is just to work out how to survive with the least fuss so you can be a reliable partner to your wife and father of your children. Parts of that aren't a terrible message, but I read this book 1) to understand what pressures men deal with that they don't often discuss if they're not whiny entitled Men's Rights Activists, and 2) to be inspired by the quaint code of gallantry of another age and perhaps consider some ideas for modern update. The modern update seems to be to abandon all gender-specific obligations altogether and just be a person, like every other person. This here is definitely a public sentiment for the 21st century and probably one reason it got so many positive reviews is the tiresome idea that this is still somehow revolutionary and just what we need in a time of vicious patriarchal oppression like having doors held for us and men trying to defend the honor of their women if someone insults them. Never mind women - anyone! Any solid buddy in your life who needs a wingman in a tight spot - being there and being a helpful and loyal friend. Not a casual who just rides along and laughs when its fun then tries to weasel out when it's tense, or throws a party with his (or her) best friend and then spends the whole party hanging out with his (or her) long term significant other instead of the actual person who helped throw the party. It's just about class and respect and loyalty, not gender. So what would be better is if women also adopted a code of gallantry formerly expected of men, mostly, and men kept it up, too, and we all just tried our best to help each other and also men realize they don't get to cop feels whimsically as their reward for basic decency.
I can already tell you this will be an unpopular opinion, and anticipate many responses along the lines of, "It's just a joke!" Or "Ease up!" Or similar meaningless platitudes intended to undermine without offering anything particularly useful to discredit my point of view on this. It doesn't really need to, because this isn't an argument - just a response to the narrative that I'm sharing for the limited handful of people who are also bored and depressed by seeing mediocrity held up as the new standard of excellence in media. (Props to AUTHOR for joking about participation trophies). Yet if anyone does bother to try to argue the point, it may well be because they don't feel secure enough in their own complacent acceptance of mediocrity to live and let live. Nerves get touched, people succumb to self-righteous indignation about how hard they try and mediocrity is the only solution. They will argue till they're blue in the face that life is meaningless and trying your hardest is really overrated.
The attitudes of society at large have changed because the world has changed, or maybe it never was the way I'd hoped or imagined, but regardless, the fact that this book has 4.25 stars at the time of this writing means that people aren't processing it through the lens of ethics or any semiconventional "code of honor". The 4.25 rating on this probably means that that mentality is pretty much dead for the majority of reviewers on this site, which probably reflect the general population with a selection for above-average intelligence, literacy and curiosity.
Wow, that's a lot of opinions.
Maybe this book should get 3 stars - for being well written, for making me laugh a few times, and for stirring up so much thought and emotion. The author is an excellent writer. But I feel the 2 stars is a necessary counterbalance, ideologically, to all the gushing rave reviews. Not just to be a contrarian, but because it represents to me a lot of what is wrong with the world. It's not the author's fault so much of the world is this way, but by offering a (consistent with the theme) noncommittal "guide" to "life lessons" without outright making it obvious this is all a joke (it isn't, it's just said while giggling like so many terrible but sincere suggestions), it serves as just one more endorsement of low standards.
Also, there's a lot of strong opinions here which are personal and will probably irritate a lot of casuals, as well as those committed to a lifetime spent with the inverse paradigm. So tread on at your own risk of taking offense.
And if the author happens, in a 1 in a million or so chance to stumble upon to my precious little review, which is fairly scathing, he may opt now to opt out, or go on knowing that I tried my best to be fair and he may well have a credible defense if he wished to muster it, of a life hidden out of the public eye, for which humour is just a smoke screen to disguise more sincere sentiments. I recognize that may be true, so I'm not commenting on the author - who I don't know - but just on the narrative, and the version of himself that the author chose to present.
Okay there. Thoughts:
This book is the spiritual successor to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. It's antithetical to the Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged, Nietzche's works, Beatrix Potter and other wholesome tales of idealism...ha. (See? 50% of you or more are already mad!) It's about how people fail, and to the extent that it is self-abnegating, that's all quite hilarious, but to the extent that it is in a way a manifesto of cynical mediocrity's social advantages, it's a gross disappointment to my inner Lisa Simpson. I want the world to be a better place, as many claim, and many who love this book can't probably see a conflict between this narrative and that professed goal. I value honor and people who try their hardest to be the change they want to see in the world, not to pat myself on the back because I frankly don't think there's much social capital in it these days besides a perfunctory smile and almost irrepressible eyeroll the second Captain Planet isn't looking.
The point is that this book isn't about any of that. It's about moral relativism, cutting corners and how to get by, and not even in a rockstar Han Solo kind of edgy way - just in a lowest common denominator, Jim from the Office / Fry from Futurama kind of hapless, accidental shirker way.
As someone convinced that we have entered the Age of Meh, wherein people who try are just "extra", character is a thing of the past and the only arguable resistance to a globally homogenized commercialized dystopian drone army of cyborg consumer slaves is the unmovable tonnage of apathy in the face of evil. Similarly, this inertial uber-neutrality in life is both the resistance to the most irrational & reactionary aspects of cancel culture, but also the reason cancel culture exists at all (a reaction to longstanding complacency with what we can pretty much all agree are BS aspects of society).
You can't come away with this story with much respect for the author, except for the fact that he tried to be honest about things, it would seem. Lots of people would call that brave, but it's not brave if you trivialize your mistakes with humour and "boys will be boys" or "kids will be kids". It's just a matter of using what you have to try to make a profit, which is what we all do, but doing it in a way that glorifies lame and cowardly behavior by putting it unrepentently in what is, to some degree, a "guide", however tongue-in-cheek.
Lots of 4th wave feminists - the more militant sort - may appreciate the author strictly because he asserted in a book (of a genre conventionally seen as a vestige of the Patriarchy) that there is nothing better about men inherently or that they should try to offer than what is intrinsically available in women: a whole bunch of nothing. If anything, the takeaway is that men suck and women are awesome and the best way to be a man is just to work out how to survive with the least fuss so you can be a reliable partner to your wife and father of your children. Parts of that aren't a terrible message, but I read this book 1) to understand what pressures men deal with that they don't often discuss if they're not whiny entitled Men's Rights Activists, and 2) to be inspired by the quaint code of gallantry of another age and perhaps consider some ideas for modern update. The modern update seems to be to abandon all gender-specific obligations altogether and just be a person, like every other person. This here is definitely a public sentiment for the 21st century and probably one reason it got so many positive reviews is the tiresome idea that this is still somehow revolutionary and just what we need in a time of vicious patriarchal oppression like having doors held for us and men trying to defend the honor of their women if someone insults them. Never mind women - anyone! Any solid buddy in your life who needs a wingman in a tight spot - being there and being a helpful and loyal friend. Not a casual who just rides along and laughs when its fun then tries to weasel out when it's tense, or throws a party with his (or her) best friend and then spends the whole party hanging out with his (or her) long term significant other instead of the actual person who helped throw the party. It's just about class and respect and loyalty, not gender. So what would be better is if women also adopted a code of gallantry formerly expected of men, mostly, and men kept it up, too, and we all just tried our best to help each other and also men realize they don't get to cop feels whimsically as their reward for basic decency.
I can already tell you this will be an unpopular opinion, and anticipate many responses along the lines of, "It's just a joke!" Or "Ease up!" Or similar meaningless platitudes intended to undermine without offering anything particularly useful to discredit my point of view on this. It doesn't really need to, because this isn't an argument - just a response to the narrative that I'm sharing for the limited handful of people who are also bored and depressed by seeing mediocrity held up as the new standard of excellence in media. (Props to AUTHOR for joking about participation trophies). Yet if anyone does bother to try to argue the point, it may well be because they don't feel secure enough in their own complacent acceptance of mediocrity to live and let live. Nerves get touched, people succumb to self-righteous indignation about how hard they try and mediocrity is the only solution. They will argue till they're blue in the face that life is meaningless and trying your hardest is really overrated.
The attitudes of society at large have changed because the world has changed, or maybe it never was the way I'd hoped or imagined, but regardless, the fact that this book has 4.25 stars at the time of this writing means that people aren't processing it through the lens of ethics or any semiconventional "code of honor". The 4.25 rating on this probably means that that mentality is pretty much dead for the majority of reviewers on this site, which probably reflect the general population with a selection for above-average intelligence, literacy and curiosity.
Wow, that's a lot of opinions.
Maybe this book should get 3 stars - for being well written, for making me laugh a few times, and for stirring up so much thought and emotion. The author is an excellent writer. But I feel the 2 stars is a necessary counterbalance, ideologically, to all the gushing rave reviews. Not just to be a contrarian, but because it represents to me a lot of what is wrong with the world. It's not the author's fault so much of the world is this way, but by offering a (consistent with the theme) noncommittal "guide" to "life lessons" without outright making it obvious this is all a joke (it isn't, it's just said while giggling like so many terrible but sincere suggestions), it serves as just one more endorsement of low standards.
July 5, 2021
How To Be A Man is a humorous take on what makes a man a man by James Breakwell. Using his past experiences, Breakwell comes up to multiple conclusions on what true masculinity is, some of which could come off as probably is most embarrassing moments. From giving his mom a heart attack, purchasing the wrong engagement ring, having four car accidents in a short period of time, and being labeled a lawn gnome thief by the police, if there is one true answer you should take from the author is that a man can always improve by accepting and improving on his flaws. Clearly the author learned that from the hard way with a lot of the mistakes he encountered in his life.
Written in a sarcastic and snarky way, Breakwell provides helpful insights to answering the questions of modern masculinity. And if you're looking for humorous works on philosophical ideas, this is for you, especially if you are into deadpan snark. Though I advise that one can only truly understand the meaning of his words by actually living through the same lifestyle he did. I won this book through the giveaway, and am I glad I read this immediately.
Written in a sarcastic and snarky way, Breakwell provides helpful insights to answering the questions of modern masculinity. And if you're looking for humorous works on philosophical ideas, this is for you, especially if you are into deadpan snark. Though I advise that one can only truly understand the meaning of his words by actually living through the same lifestyle he did. I won this book through the giveaway, and am I glad I read this immediately.
May 18, 2021
The last time I cried while reading was the end of The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry.
I remember it. A little over five years ago.
Without spoilers, Fikry has a dramatic scene with his daughter. I'm reading in the living room and go to the bedroom for some privacy, because a man's emotions must be hoarded.
Having daughters, two at that time, a third on the way, that scene hit me hard. The dread, fear, expectation of being in that position, to have to make that decision, I hated Fikry for his weakness and prayed I would have the strength to do the same.
And now Breakwell, you lanky bastard, did the same.
I found James Breakwell online, probably Twitter. I followed his newletter, I enjoy it.
We apparently have several things in common.
He has only daughters, I have only daughters. I also think sitting on a wallet is dumb, though I don't have James' aggression towards what other men do or do not have in their back pockets. He recently wrote about how three of his kids have a birthday at about the same time, my two eldest have a birthday a day apart... six years apart, but a day apart. His girls take "playtime" and turn it into a full-contact sport, my girls have perfected the art of turning a play kitchen into a warzone, good times, gooooood times.
So when I read about this book in Breakwell's newsletter I probably thought "Oh, look, another book. I haven't read any of his other books, I'll just skip this one too. Have to keep my perfect record perfect."
So when I see this book available on NetGalley I probably thought "Oh, its free, might as well read it."
The book follows a short-story format. Some stories are "A Man Should..." with a funny story. The other stories are ideas he elaborates on with his usual tone and rhythm, all good, he explains this format in the preface.
Most are funny, I'm actually giggling while reading. I don't agree with all of "How to be a Man" advice but I can see where he's coming from and everything is so well written I don't mind small disagreements.
All of the stories are good, in a style I'm expecting because Breakwell's writing style is familar and enjoyable. With any collection of stories, a reader will prefer some over others.
Will you prefer reading about a Kafkaesque system that punishes everyone who didn't even steal the lawn gnomes? Or the time James managed to not die several times despite every car around him actively trying to accidently-on-purpose murder him. Or about a bull attack that is a really bad metaphor for the causes of World War I?... like, its not a metaphor at all, but it's a good story and I'm not looking to spoil anything.
But THE REAL NUMBERS... that story. Seriously? I'm reading and I can feel my chest opening up, feeling hollow and empty and then full. I'm flashing back to my wife, standing in our driveway while I'm helping our eldest learn to ride a bike, telling me she's pregnant. I'm seeing our middle daughter, holding her in the hospital room wondering why I feel different, why colors seem brighter. I'm reliving a later miscarriage, not knowing how to help, unable to fix anything ever again. I'm remembering the warmth of my eldest, when she had a nightmare and came to our bed, her body cuddled against mine as she fit against only my torso and compare to now, how she walks around the house taller than her mother. I'm holding our youngest in my lap as she's practicing reading, smelling her hair and hoping she'll never change even while I celebrate when she does.
I just read Lillian on Sunday and one of the stories there had a power over me. It had the power to genuinely piss me off in a little more than one page of writing.
THE REAL NUMBERS has that same power, though it won't hit everyone the same. Some people will read this and brush it off and that's fine, your life experience will give you different insights to different things, the way it should be.
But now even the dedication page makes me melancholy.
James, I hate you just a little bit. So good writing.
**I received an advance copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I remember it. A little over five years ago.
Without spoilers, Fikry has a dramatic scene with his daughter. I'm reading in the living room and go to the bedroom for some privacy, because a man's emotions must be hoarded.
Having daughters, two at that time, a third on the way, that scene hit me hard. The dread, fear, expectation of being in that position, to have to make that decision, I hated Fikry for his weakness and prayed I would have the strength to do the same.
And now Breakwell, you lanky bastard, did the same.
I found James Breakwell online, probably Twitter. I followed his newletter, I enjoy it.
We apparently have several things in common.
He has only daughters, I have only daughters. I also think sitting on a wallet is dumb, though I don't have James' aggression towards what other men do or do not have in their back pockets. He recently wrote about how three of his kids have a birthday at about the same time, my two eldest have a birthday a day apart... six years apart, but a day apart. His girls take "playtime" and turn it into a full-contact sport, my girls have perfected the art of turning a play kitchen into a warzone, good times, gooooood times.
So when I read about this book in Breakwell's newsletter I probably thought "Oh, look, another book. I haven't read any of his other books, I'll just skip this one too. Have to keep my perfect record perfect."
So when I see this book available on NetGalley I probably thought "Oh, its free, might as well read it."
The book follows a short-story format. Some stories are "A Man Should..." with a funny story. The other stories are ideas he elaborates on with his usual tone and rhythm, all good, he explains this format in the preface.
Most are funny, I'm actually giggling while reading. I don't agree with all of "How to be a Man" advice but I can see where he's coming from and everything is so well written I don't mind small disagreements.
All of the stories are good, in a style I'm expecting because Breakwell's writing style is familar and enjoyable. With any collection of stories, a reader will prefer some over others.
Will you prefer reading about a Kafkaesque system that punishes everyone who didn't even steal the lawn gnomes? Or the time James managed to not die several times despite every car around him actively trying to accidently-on-purpose murder him. Or about a bull attack that is a really bad metaphor for the causes of World War I?... like, its not a metaphor at all, but it's a good story and I'm not looking to spoil anything.
But THE REAL NUMBERS... that story. Seriously? I'm reading and I can feel my chest opening up, feeling hollow and empty and then full. I'm flashing back to my wife, standing in our driveway while I'm helping our eldest learn to ride a bike, telling me she's pregnant. I'm seeing our middle daughter, holding her in the hospital room wondering why I feel different, why colors seem brighter. I'm reliving a later miscarriage, not knowing how to help, unable to fix anything ever again. I'm remembering the warmth of my eldest, when she had a nightmare and came to our bed, her body cuddled against mine as she fit against only my torso and compare to now, how she walks around the house taller than her mother. I'm holding our youngest in my lap as she's practicing reading, smelling her hair and hoping she'll never change even while I celebrate when she does.
I just read Lillian on Sunday and one of the stories there had a power over me. It had the power to genuinely piss me off in a little more than one page of writing.
THE REAL NUMBERS has that same power, though it won't hit everyone the same. Some people will read this and brush it off and that's fine, your life experience will give you different insights to different things, the way it should be.
But now even the dedication page makes me melancholy.
James, I hate you just a little bit. So good writing.
**I received an advance copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
April 20, 2021
Thank you #Netgalley for the advanced copy!
I follow James Breakwell on Twitter and have always found his content funny. I was excited to be granted access to this book. I found this collections of essays hilarious, especially from his college years and garden gnomes. I loved how he also connected his stories throughout the essays all while being sure to mention his amazing wife and how she handled situations. A fun read and highly recommend, especially if you are already familiar with his content.
I follow James Breakwell on Twitter and have always found his content funny. I was excited to be granted access to this book. I found this collections of essays hilarious, especially from his college years and garden gnomes. I loved how he also connected his stories throughout the essays all while being sure to mention his amazing wife and how she handled situations. A fun read and highly recommend, especially if you are already familiar with his content.
July 25, 2021
"There are also institutional barriers women have to overcome, making anything they accomplish that much more praiseworthy. The glass ceiling is real. In the corporate world, men and women play the same game, but men are in easy mode, while women are in a mode where, if they make one mistake, their entire Xbox catches on fire. If a woman goes through all of that and still gets promoted, she's earned the right to brag - even though she probably won't mention it. Their humble superiority is the worst."
Full disclosure: I'm already a big fan of Breakwell's. I subscribe to his weekly newsletter, which never fails to make me laugh, and his social media postings never fail to elicit at least a snicker if not a chuckle. That being said, I haven't read his other books though I do plan to. I don't have kids, and yet somehow he makes parenting really relatable. But this book isn't just about parenting, it's about him and the lessons he's learned about being a man (whatever that means).
There were so many great essays in this book and Breakwell has an excellent way of connecting something from his own childhood to an experience he's had as a parent. For instance, recounting how impatient he was for a tractor ride when he was small and living on the farm and disappearing to find his father and consequently said tractor. His mother of course panicked, people were called, the fire department set out to search for him. I won't spoil the ending of that for you, but I will say that when something similar happens with his own kids later on, his mother gleefully sent him pictures detailing the saga (his daughter Lucy crawled out the doggy door) and he saw firsthand the kind of payback parents often warn their own kids will come when they too have offspring. That and the saga of the gnome thieves are probably some of the most memorable stories recounted in this book, as well as how he proposed to Lola.
This book made me laugh so many times I lost count, but it also made me sob with one of his essays. It's called The Real Numbers, and that title doesn't immediately make you think it's going to be a heartbreaking entry in this otherwise hilarious and amusing book, but it is. Just a quick trigger warning: it covers the death of a sibling as well as his first daughter. The essay begins by noting that Breakwell isn't the oldest of seven kids, he's the oldest of eight. And he doesn't have four daughters, he has five. So it's very clear what's coming. Even though it's the toughest read of the entire book, I still recommend it because he writes with such elegance and honesty about a topic that's beyond hard. It's another side to a man that 99% of the time is funny in everything he does. It's a vulnerable side, but it's a human side, and I sobbed reading the whole of the essay.
Breakwell is a great writer. I fully recommend reading this book and subscribing to his newsletter (don't miss the chance to read about Waffle's antics, seriously) and following him on social media. And I know despite the fact that I don't have kids, I'll be picking up his other books as well now.
Thanks to NetGalley for an eARC of this book!
Full disclosure: I'm already a big fan of Breakwell's. I subscribe to his weekly newsletter, which never fails to make me laugh, and his social media postings never fail to elicit at least a snicker if not a chuckle. That being said, I haven't read his other books though I do plan to. I don't have kids, and yet somehow he makes parenting really relatable. But this book isn't just about parenting, it's about him and the lessons he's learned about being a man (whatever that means).
There were so many great essays in this book and Breakwell has an excellent way of connecting something from his own childhood to an experience he's had as a parent. For instance, recounting how impatient he was for a tractor ride when he was small and living on the farm and disappearing to find his father and consequently said tractor. His mother of course panicked, people were called, the fire department set out to search for him. I won't spoil the ending of that for you, but I will say that when something similar happens with his own kids later on, his mother gleefully sent him pictures detailing the saga (his daughter Lucy crawled out the doggy door) and he saw firsthand the kind of payback parents often warn their own kids will come when they too have offspring. That and the saga of the gnome thieves are probably some of the most memorable stories recounted in this book, as well as how he proposed to Lola.
This book made me laugh so many times I lost count, but it also made me sob with one of his essays. It's called The Real Numbers, and that title doesn't immediately make you think it's going to be a heartbreaking entry in this otherwise hilarious and amusing book, but it is. Just a quick trigger warning: it covers the death of a sibling as well as his first daughter. The essay begins by noting that Breakwell isn't the oldest of seven kids, he's the oldest of eight. And he doesn't have four daughters, he has five. So it's very clear what's coming. Even though it's the toughest read of the entire book, I still recommend it because he writes with such elegance and honesty about a topic that's beyond hard. It's another side to a man that 99% of the time is funny in everything he does. It's a vulnerable side, but it's a human side, and I sobbed reading the whole of the essay.
Breakwell is a great writer. I fully recommend reading this book and subscribing to his newsletter (don't miss the chance to read about Waffle's antics, seriously) and following him on social media. And I know despite the fact that I don't have kids, I'll be picking up his other books as well now.
Thanks to NetGalley for an eARC of this book!
September 22, 2021
James Breakwell never disappoints - his family friendly humor remains in tact in his latest book How to Be a Man (Whatever That Means). Honestly it could be called how to be a human being, because while he plays up all the best tropes and stereotypes and pokes fun at the male gender, one positive lesson you walk away with is that as humans we're all just trying our best, or just trying, or appear to be trying, or just exist... But let's face it, by making this book gender-specific Breakwell appeals to our darker side, where we want him to spill all the tea on the men in our lives. Tea is best served with a side of sarcasm.
Sharing real-life anecdotes of his past (or made up anecdotes, because honestly how would we know?), James Breakwell's sly humor will make you smile and sometimes laugh out loud, and once in a while tear up in a very sentimental way as he covers family, finances, parenting, surviving university, and a variety of other topics. He also occasionally allows himself to be vulnerable, and that is such a priceless gift. But most of the time he stays on the humorous side of real-life situations that are wacky enough to be true. One way that this book differentiates itself from his past works is that we get more of Breakwell the man than we do James Breakwell the father. Many of the stories here predate him becoming a dad - we get tales of his childhood, teenage angst, and college years and how those experiences formed the man he is today.
How to Be a Man is great for long-time readers of the author as well, as we learn some of the juicy details behind stories we're familiar with, such as his ownership of two mini-pigs, his purchase of a [maybe haunted?] fixer-upper home, and how he proposed to his wife Lola. Reading a James Breakwell book is like talking to an old friend who tells funny stories to pass the time, one you may know really well (depending on how many facts have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent from his growing fame) and that you're always glad you've run in to.
Sharing real-life anecdotes of his past (or made up anecdotes, because honestly how would we know?), James Breakwell's sly humor will make you smile and sometimes laugh out loud, and once in a while tear up in a very sentimental way as he covers family, finances, parenting, surviving university, and a variety of other topics. He also occasionally allows himself to be vulnerable, and that is such a priceless gift. But most of the time he stays on the humorous side of real-life situations that are wacky enough to be true. One way that this book differentiates itself from his past works is that we get more of Breakwell the man than we do James Breakwell the father. Many of the stories here predate him becoming a dad - we get tales of his childhood, teenage angst, and college years and how those experiences formed the man he is today.
How to Be a Man is great for long-time readers of the author as well, as we learn some of the juicy details behind stories we're familiar with, such as his ownership of two mini-pigs, his purchase of a [maybe haunted?] fixer-upper home, and how he proposed to his wife Lola. Reading a James Breakwell book is like talking to an old friend who tells funny stories to pass the time, one you may know really well (depending on how many facts have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent from his growing fame) and that you're always glad you've run in to.
August 4, 2021
Exploding Unicorn and Unbelievably Bad author/comic takes a look at what a man is supposed to be and what manhood has actually been in his life.
James Breakwell uses humor to look back on his life making this a memoir more than a humor book. He looks at the stereotype of men, how he failed to meet them and that it's OK to fail. How to Be a Man (Whatever That Means): Lessons in Modern Masculinity from a Questionable Source. This collection of stories are relatable and real and many will enjoy the book from that slant. Breakwell lives up to his last name as he fails at those stereotypes.
I expected something humorous something along the lines of Failure is an Option by H. Job Benjamin.
There were some funny chapters and humorous moments. Overall it read like any other memoir The slant of breaking stereotypes of men was good but the overdone woman worshiping went to the point where it lost reverence and became sarcasm instead of fumy insight.
The chapters that were funny were hilarious. They kept me going through the mundane. These chapters were the best with one exception: a very deep and personal serious chapter showed true emotion and was some a plus writing. This chapter didn't need to be funny but the chapters around it needed more humor to buffer the sadness.
I think the thing I disliked more than unfunny humor is the lack of organization. I am unsure why certain stories came in a certain order. Nothing was chronological Instead of thematic, it seemed like a stream of consciousness. I found myself the fourth of the way through the book going “we are hearing about his teen years again? Ugh.”
If you want humor I direct you to Breakwell's other work Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. But if you want to read about men failing stereotypes with humor and grace please read the aforementioned Failure is an Option (go for the audiobook; Benjamin reads it himself and it's wonderful).
James Breakwell uses humor to look back on his life making this a memoir more than a humor book. He looks at the stereotype of men, how he failed to meet them and that it's OK to fail. How to Be a Man (Whatever That Means): Lessons in Modern Masculinity from a Questionable Source. This collection of stories are relatable and real and many will enjoy the book from that slant. Breakwell lives up to his last name as he fails at those stereotypes.
I expected something humorous something along the lines of Failure is an Option by H. Job Benjamin.
There were some funny chapters and humorous moments. Overall it read like any other memoir The slant of breaking stereotypes of men was good but the overdone woman worshiping went to the point where it lost reverence and became sarcasm instead of fumy insight.
The chapters that were funny were hilarious. They kept me going through the mundane. These chapters were the best with one exception: a very deep and personal serious chapter showed true emotion and was some a plus writing. This chapter didn't need to be funny but the chapters around it needed more humor to buffer the sadness.
I think the thing I disliked more than unfunny humor is the lack of organization. I am unsure why certain stories came in a certain order. Nothing was chronological Instead of thematic, it seemed like a stream of consciousness. I found myself the fourth of the way through the book going “we are hearing about his teen years again? Ugh.”
If you want humor I direct you to Breakwell's other work Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. But if you want to read about men failing stereotypes with humor and grace please read the aforementioned Failure is an Option (go for the audiobook; Benjamin reads it himself and it's wonderful).
May 15, 2021
I really enjoyed this book, and as it’s essentially a series of humorous essays about life’s misadventures, it was a good one to pick up three times over a couple of days as comic relief between other reads.
I did not realise when I requested this book that James was someone whose tweets I had been reading for years. It made me that much more excited to start it once I knew! James’ writing is excellent and clever, the witticisms abundant, and the messages in each section hilarious. I chuckled in every single one, except for one nearer the end that really caught me off guard. It was deeply personal, incredibly moving, and had me in tears largely throughout the whole passage. Thanks for sharing that with readers.
I found this book to be not only funny, but also touching as James’ love for his family is highlighted throughout all the writing, and his respect and admiration for his wife really shines through. I particularly enjoyed the bits about the Negotiating Chores, Protecting your Family, Men’s Wallets, and the Six-toed Kitten. There was a lot to love in here!
Excellent read and I certainly recommend it to anyone who likes a bit of clever and funny reading with heart.
*Thanks the NetGalley, James and the BenBella Books for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I did not realise when I requested this book that James was someone whose tweets I had been reading for years. It made me that much more excited to start it once I knew! James’ writing is excellent and clever, the witticisms abundant, and the messages in each section hilarious. I chuckled in every single one, except for one nearer the end that really caught me off guard. It was deeply personal, incredibly moving, and had me in tears largely throughout the whole passage. Thanks for sharing that with readers.
I found this book to be not only funny, but also touching as James’ love for his family is highlighted throughout all the writing, and his respect and admiration for his wife really shines through. I particularly enjoyed the bits about the Negotiating Chores, Protecting your Family, Men’s Wallets, and the Six-toed Kitten. There was a lot to love in here!
Excellent read and I certainly recommend it to anyone who likes a bit of clever and funny reading with heart.
*Thanks the NetGalley, James and the BenBella Books for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
August 20, 2021
I have been following James Breakwell for years on social media. This is, by far, my favorite of his books because it is so authentic! Yes, the author has a self-depracating sense of humor, but his devotion to family is sincere. While his Twitter and Facebook accounts feature his wife and daughters, this book gives a delightful look into his younger years. I laughed out loud numerous times while reading about his parents and grandparents. Stories of popcorn bowls, summer jobs, and hand-crafted Halloween costumes were relatable but wonderfully unique in Breakwell's story-telling voice.
The book has plenty of laughs and he is known as a comedy writer, but he shares some heartache as well. His writing is so, so good.
The only reason it took me several days to finish this book is because of things I had to do by a deadline. But it was difficult to set the book aside. I give it 4 stars only because of a few crass chapters. I know the author in real life. His mom is one of my best friends. That made things weird.
Well-done, Mr. Breakwell. Looking forward to your daughters growing up. I'm sure the tween years will provide excellent material for more books!
The book has plenty of laughs and he is known as a comedy writer, but he shares some heartache as well. His writing is so, so good.
The only reason it took me several days to finish this book is because of things I had to do by a deadline. But it was difficult to set the book aside. I give it 4 stars only because of a few crass chapters. I know the author in real life. His mom is one of my best friends. That made things weird.
Well-done, Mr. Breakwell. Looking forward to your daughters growing up. I'm sure the tween years will provide excellent material for more books!
August 24, 2021
You think you know someone through their tweets and then they write a book and drop a bombshell on you. I've been following James Breakwell on Twitter for approximately some time now - ok I don't remember - but the point is I knew him as this funny guy who made me laugh, especially on Mondays
When it come to books though I unfortunately don't read a lot of comedy. I'm one of those gals who thinks a good book or movie needs to make you cry; a lot. And today to me Breakwell felt like someone who can tell a story and tell it well.
To be fair a lot of the book is just funny, sarcastic and self-deprecating. Breakwell doesn't bother hiding flaws in men - ok I'm a little (perhaps a lot biased) when it comes to men - but there is also some insight there. Particularly for married men. Just nod at your wife and tell her she's always right. Breakwell isn't the only guy I've heard say that BTW
Overall a very good book I enjoyed a lot
When it come to books though I unfortunately don't read a lot of comedy. I'm one of those gals who thinks a good book or movie needs to make you cry; a lot. And today to me Breakwell felt like someone who can tell a story and tell it well.
To be fair a lot of the book is just funny, sarcastic and self-deprecating. Breakwell doesn't bother hiding flaws in men - ok I'm a little (perhaps a lot biased) when it comes to men - but there is also some insight there. Particularly for married men. Just nod at your wife and tell her she's always right. Breakwell isn't the only guy I've heard say that BTW
Overall a very good book I enjoyed a lot
July 6, 2021
Overall, this is a lighthearted and fun collection of stories. The story about the garden gnomes is unique and hysterical, and every time it was referenced again later in the book it made me laugh out loud. But other stories didn't seem to attach themselves to the 'lesson' of 'what a man does' as much, such as the one about the six-toed kitten, which felt a bit disorganized and constantly contradicted itself. I think as a whole there's a really important message here -- for example, it is absolutely true that we don't get enough masculine body positivity in media, it's good that there are more books that support masculine people -- but sometimes I feel like supportive/validating messages for masculine people gets muddled here.
Still, this is fun. A good gift for a dad (or dad-figure) in your life.
Still, this is fun. A good gift for a dad (or dad-figure) in your life.
Read
May 25, 2021Oh my gosh! I giggled and laughed and cried and laughed again while reading this book. I saw bits and pieces I recognized about every man in my life in these pages, every brother, father, grandfather, husband and son! I've been a fan of Mr. Breakwell's for quite a while, and when I had an opportunity to read this through NetGalley, I jumped on it, knowing I would not be disappointed.
The next thing I need to do after reviewing this book is order copies for my husband and son, as well as my four brothers and my father and tell them they should read it! I don't think anyone who knows a man of any kind will be disappointed to spend time reading this book. Now I need to go research mini pigs for myself...
The next thing I need to do after reviewing this book is order copies for my husband and son, as well as my four brothers and my father and tell them they should read it! I don't think anyone who knows a man of any kind will be disappointed to spend time reading this book. Now I need to go research mini pigs for myself...
September 26, 2021
This is a humorous look at life today from a father's point of view.
Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone’s favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wonder what really happened to those creepy lawn gnomes on that deserted country road. (Spoiler alert: They’re right behind you.) James has numerous books published and they are all funny and appropriate for teen to older readers. He avoids politics and is a pleasure to read. The great thing is the chapters are varied and you can lay down the book and pick it up without having to reread previous chapters. I received a copy of this ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.
Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone’s favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wonder what really happened to those creepy lawn gnomes on that deserted country road. (Spoiler alert: They’re right behind you.) James has numerous books published and they are all funny and appropriate for teen to older readers. He avoids politics and is a pleasure to read. The great thing is the chapters are varied and you can lay down the book and pick it up without having to reread previous chapters. I received a copy of this ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.
September 20, 2021
Woman Approved
Such a fun, enjoyable read! This book is the perfect combination of light-hearted humor and real down to earth life experiences. I’ve been following James Breakwell on social media and his email list for a few years now, but after reading this book I feel like he’s become my friend. I appreciate his humor as much as his willingness to be open about his life, good times and bad. “How to be a Man” touched me more than I was expecting, especially reading it as a women. I already have 2 people in mind I plan to buy this book as a gift and will recommend it to more!
Such a fun, enjoyable read! This book is the perfect combination of light-hearted humor and real down to earth life experiences. I’ve been following James Breakwell on social media and his email list for a few years now, but after reading this book I feel like he’s become my friend. I appreciate his humor as much as his willingness to be open about his life, good times and bad. “How to be a Man” touched me more than I was expecting, especially reading it as a women. I already have 2 people in mind I plan to buy this book as a gift and will recommend it to more!
October 12, 2021
James Breakwell just wanted to amuse people on Twitter and is so good at it he has become a moderately successful writer by telling stories of being a father of four girls. I was a fan of his before this book and will continue to be so. He doesn’t talk politics and is willing to make himself the butt of his own jokes.
This book is more of a memoir than just humorous ramblings. 27 chapters of giggles and belly-laughs which is interrupted by one chapter of tragedy which had me ugly-crying while my little boy tried to get me to stop. It was then I realized he is a good writer period, not just a good humor writer.
This book is more of a memoir than just humorous ramblings. 27 chapters of giggles and belly-laughs which is interrupted by one chapter of tragedy which had me ugly-crying while my little boy tried to get me to stop. It was then I realized he is a good writer period, not just a good humor writer.
January 27, 2024
If you've ever thought that there aren't nearly enough essays about garden gnomes, this may be your book.
James Breakwell has put together a bunch of fun essays loosely based on traditional ideals of masculinity but that mostly go on about silly personal stories related to them. There's a chapter about drunk college athletes illegally amassing an army of garden gnomes, a touching chapter on infant and pregnancy loss, and then there's a chapter on the horrors that are birds. It kind of runs the gamut.
If you're looking for a quick read to boost your Goodreads annual goal or just feel like giggling (and maybe not being alone in your fear of birds), this is a good volume to pick up.
James Breakwell has put together a bunch of fun essays loosely based on traditional ideals of masculinity but that mostly go on about silly personal stories related to them. There's a chapter about drunk college athletes illegally amassing an army of garden gnomes, a touching chapter on infant and pregnancy loss, and then there's a chapter on the horrors that are birds. It kind of runs the gamut.
If you're looking for a quick read to boost your Goodreads annual goal or just feel like giggling (and maybe not being alone in your fear of birds), this is a good volume to pick up.
October 18, 2021
4.5 Stars
I love James Breakwell's Social Media and his weekly newsletters are hilarious. His take on fatherhood, everyday life and the mundane are refreshing and hysterical. I was excited for this book over his other books because it was filled with personal stories and anecdotes of his life, more like his newsletters. And it did not disappoint. I found myself laughing so much while reading and then rereading parts out loud to my husband. The stories were poignant and sweet, some sad and all with a tone of humor. I can't wait for the next one!
I love James Breakwell's Social Media and his weekly newsletters are hilarious. His take on fatherhood, everyday life and the mundane are refreshing and hysterical. I was excited for this book over his other books because it was filled with personal stories and anecdotes of his life, more like his newsletters. And it did not disappoint. I found myself laughing so much while reading and then rereading parts out loud to my husband. The stories were poignant and sweet, some sad and all with a tone of humor. I can't wait for the next one!
June 2, 2021
Funny, ridiculous, touching, heart warming, and eye-rollingly humorous. Can one book be all those things? James Breakwell manages to accomplish just that through a series of stories that are utterly relatable even if you have never stolen a single garden gnome in your entire life. Get this book and set aside a good chunk of time. I read this book cover to cover in one sitting; something I haven't done in ages. Be prepared for some laugh out loud moments, but keep a box of tissues handy.
December 22, 2025
I've been following Breakwell for probably five years now; first on twitter and now as an avid subscriber to his weekly newsletters! This book is fantastic! Breakwell demolishes toxic masculinity with his self-deprecating anecdotes about how he has learned to be 'a man'. Breakwell also shares some real and raw trauma in a beautifully written chapter detailing his experiences with miscarriage and infant loss. Very glad I finally got my hands on this book!
May 22, 2021
I'll confess the title of this book was what made me want to read it and it was such a great way for the author to draw from his experiences and humor to shed light on some the insecurities that he faced, including misconceptions and I love that in the very beginning he states this book in no way undermines the advances feminist movements have made.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.
June 5, 2021
I’m on James email list and every Monday I get an email with him detailing what happened to him that is funny and makes Monday so enjoyable. So when I read on the email that he was pre-selling this book, I jumped on it. I read this is two days and it was great! I laughed, I cried, I read like there was no tomorrow. If you need a feel good book with a great sense of humor, this is it.
August 9, 2021
Light hearted, yet meaningful and completely different than Breakwell’s other books. I could’ve read another 200 pages of his funny stories and reflections on life. An easy read when you need something refreshing and different than your go to genre. If you like this, I recommend subscribing to Breakwell’s weekly email where writes about comical things that happened throughout his week.
May 22, 2021
Thanks to NetGalley for an early copy. I have followed this author on social media and subscribed to his email list for years though I haven’t read any previous books. I really enjoyed this book—especially the touching chapter titled The Real Numbers. I laughed, I cried. It was a good read.
June 26, 2021
I loved this book! It is full of humour and laugh-out-loud stories from a dad of four young daughters. I have read other books by this author and have enjoyed all of them.
I read and reviewed this book with no obligation.
I read and reviewed this book with no obligation.
July 11, 2021
I follow the author on social media, and his posts often made me laugh out loud. Some of the stories in this book did too, but others didn't hold my interest so I skipped over them.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
October 6, 2021
James Breakwell never fails to make me smile. In this book he made me cry as well. With his humorous but honest take on what it takes to be a man Breakwell has shown us that men, although not as evolved as women (they still can't bear children), they can and do much to make life interesting.
June 20, 2021
I love Breakwell and his other books, but while the book had some good moments it just didn't have the humor that I've come to expect.
July 4, 2021
I laughed. I cried. James Breakwell’s unique sense of humor is on full display here. I throughly enjoyed this book and can’t wait to read more of Breakwell’s work.
August 1, 2021
A nice and fun read. Except the horribly sad chapter.
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