My Heart to Find

Aces in Love #2

by Elin Annalise

Avid crime-fiction-reader Cara Tate is twenty-five years old, shy, asexual, and desperate to find love. But there's a Cara's chronic Lyme disease has caused brain inflammation and OCD that makes her afraid of anyone touching her. Plus, finding other aces isn't easy--especially when there's no guarantee of a connection. But there is one man Cara knows who is ace and whom she feels something for. One man who she might just be able to hug...or more. If she can summon the courage to defy the control of her OCD. Three years ago, when Cara was healthy, she and her ace best friend Jana went on a retreat for those on the asexual spectrum. There, she met professional dog-walker and true-crime-fanatic Damien Noelle--the only man she's ever felt a connection with. But she was too nervous to stay in contact with Damien after the retreat and has spent the last three years strongly regretting it. So when Fate has her path cross with Damien once more, and they have the chance to investigate a real-life crime together, Cara's determined to overcome her shyness and OCD and let him know she's more than interested. The only problem is Damien seems interested in Jana now, and the last thing Cara wants to do is ruin her friend's happiness. For the last few months, Jana's been dealing with the boss from hell, and Cara knows Damien could be the best thing Jana's had all year. She can't take that away from her best friend... can she? My Heart to Find is an #ownvoices story for asexuality and chronic illness representation (Lyme Disease and Encephalitis-induced OCD, also known as PANS). Each book in the Aces in Love series can be read as a standalone; no prior knowledge of the series is needed to enjoy these stories!

Genres: Romance, Queer, LGBT, Contemporary, Fiction, Asexual, Disability

Kindle Edition

Published March 1, 2021

About the author

Elin Annalise writes sweet contemporary romance, with many of her books featuring asexual characters (the Aces in Love series and Looking For Hope). She graduated from Exeter University, where she studied English literature and watched the baby rabbits play on the lawns when she should’ve been taking notes on Milton and Homer. She’s a big fan of koi carp, cats, and dreaming.

Reviews

[vale garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

listen, the plot itself was just okay, but i cannot give this book any less than 5 stars. the main character is asexual AND is chronically ill (chronic lyme disease, POTS, PANS, OCD caused by inflamed brain), then her love interest is DEMI SEXUAL, and, to make it even better, hER BEST FRIEND IS GRAY-SEXUAL. THREE DIFFERENT ACE SPECTRUMS, AND ALL GETTING A POV.

my little ace heart was crying tears of joy at all the rep, and it was done so incredibly well too 😭 and then the chronic illness rep was SO IMPORTANT, and so well done, showing the reality of chronic illnesses while also showing how much we fight and that we can still live full lives despite the pain holding us back.

this book is incredibly important and SO WELL DONE. please everyone go read this, trust me, it’s so worth it. these are the type of books we should all be talking about. thank you to the author for sharing her story, and for doing so in such an incredible way.

[Kaley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick Stats
Age Rating: 14+
Over All: 5 stars
Plot: 3/5
Characters: 4/5
Setting: 4/5
Writing: 3/5
Disability Rep: 10/5

PANS REP PANS REP PANS REP PANS REP

There are so many different things that I want to say about this book, and so many different ways that I could take this review, but to start I’m going to elaborate on my rating
This book means the absolute world to me. I was diagnosed with PANS (a form of autoimmune encephalitis) at 15. It’s a shockingly common autoimmune disorder considering no one has ever heard of it, suspected to effect 1/200 adolescents, however it was only officially recognized in 2013, which means the resources regarding it are extremely anemic, and the media representation is wholly nonexistent. I never expected to read a book with PANS representation unless I was the one to write it.
PANS is one of the biggest parts of my life. Everything in my life has been impacted by it. I am who I am because of PANS. I cannot begin to express how seeing that represented in a book has meant to me.

(I’m not crying as I type this. Nope. Definitely not me.)

Due to the onset of both the author and character’s PANS being after adulthood, PANS is most often referred to as encephalitis induced OCD (the P in PANS stands for pediatric, as most cases are first triggered in childhood, but that is not a requirement for the disorder).

The book itself, outside of the PANS rep, was okay. It was good. I really liked the characters and their relationships, but the writing wasn’t the best and the mystery was never much of a mystery at all. I really enjoyed the romance, especially the asexuality aspect.

Basically—you need to read this book. It is incredibly important. But don’t go in expecting a literary masterpiece. You will get a book with incredible chronic illness representation and a cute romance, and I truly believe that everyone would benefit from reading this book.
--

Full review to come, but for now:
PANS REP PANS REP PANS REP!!!

This is an adult romance, but outside of the mystery element, there aren’t really any mature themes, so I’d say it’s okay for 14+

[Bey · Rating 1 out of 5]

I REALLY really wanted to love this book and it actually started out great with the ace spec reps and OCD rep but everything literally went down from there. Too much things are happening to the point it has no points anymore.

I thought this would focus on unraveling the mystery of the disappearance of a girl in the town, but the author feels like it should not stop there let’s add a sexist pig boss to the mix so readers would forgive that there were not much details on the supposed investigation.

And oh! Of course we have to create a love triangle between our ace spec characters to spice up the drama! And the shitty friend in the friend group who dismissed the main character’s health problem! Now I, as a reader, am not sure where to focus other than getting annoyed by the characters.

[S.E. Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

How is this book so many things at once?
A second chance romance.
A mystery to solve.
An Own Voices, chronic illness, day-in-the-life.
Oh, and it's all Ace.
This book is everything you want in a novel. The characters are so developed they feel like they're people you actually know. The chemistry between them is blinding, the romance so sweet it'll give you butterflies. It's amazing how the author manages to weave all these different elements together in a way that's so cohesive and lovely. The perfect romance to warm your heart.

[Britt · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first read and review of 2021! Buh-bye, 2020!

This story was definitely unique. Not only was it a mystery and romance, but the main character, Cara, was asexual AND disabled. Disability rep is pretty hard to find, and asexuality rep is even HARDER! When I heard that Cara was disabled and asexual, I was instantly intrigued.

One of the things that I love about this book is that the author, Elin Annalise, is asexual and actually has Lyme disease in real life. So, while I don’t believe she’s been running around solving kidnapping mysteries, the Lyme disease and ace rep are both 100% authentic. In particular, when it comes to disability rep, I think it’s great when able-bodied authors wrote disabled characters — as long as the rep comes off as legitimate and isn’t a total pity-fest. But, I love that authenticity that comes with disabled people representing ourselves.

While I do not have Lyme disease, I AM a disabled asexual person. And this is literally the first time I have ever read about a fellow disabled ace person.

Representation fucking rocks!

The overall plot of this book was a little more up my alley, too. While I very much enjoyed the first book of the Aces in Love series, it was just a liiittle too sappy romance-y for ***my*** personal tastes. I love the slightly darker subplot that the mystery in this particular read offered. And, I’m very glad that this book was a little longer, too. I think the mystery aspects were more properly fleshened out and things didn’t feel quite as skimmed over as they did in the first book.

The writing style for this book, particularly the mystery aspects, wasn’t quite as intense as some other mysteries I’ve read, but I think that can still totally appeal to readers. Some people want mysteries, but they don’t have to be quite as intense as a Stephen King novel.

Overall, this was a hella interesting and unique read. It took me a little longer to get through simply due to my being busy, but it’s really a quick read that is very compelling. If you want to read a mystery starring a disabled asexual, this book just may be for you!

[Meg Fry Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked the Ace representation in the characters of this book & the author did a great job creating a character with her chronic illnesses because the character was believable and knowledgeable. I haven’t read a book with a character living with chronic illness before this one and it was a really interesting new perspective.

There were a couple typos and errors in this book that were a little distracting, but the mystery aspect of the storyline was so entertaining & I loved the amateur true crime podcast! Reminded me a little of Only Murders In The Building.

It looks like there are more Ace books by this author and I will definitely been looking out for them!

[Jena Blume · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful book. I was captivated from the beginning. I've always wanted to read a romance with asexuals but haven't had the chance and I'm glad that my first one was this one. I loved that it was from the authors personal experience. So lovely. I can't wait to read more.

[Katie Konneker · Rating 2 out of 5]

Props to this book and the author for having multiple characters across the asexual spectrum and also featuring a protagonist with a chronic illness, but this book felt very much like a rough draft. The romance between Cara and Damien felt underdeveloped, there were like four different subplots (including a love triangle boooooo), a not insignificant number of typos, and it honestly felt like the author kind of forgot about the mystery until the very end and then everything felt incredibly rushed to tie that up.

Also the ending made me so mad. Damien proposing to Cara at the end of their podcast interview with Marnie where she talks about her kidnapping felt so gross. Other characters mention that Damien is so nice and sweet, but honestly that's pretty fucked up.

[Shirley · Rating 3 out of 5]

The fact that this book is based on the author personal experience with Lyme disease along with the struggle she goes through to make people believe her and not a hypochondriac.. it just saddening. They're already struggling everyday with their own body add medical team that supposed to be on their side but they're not and only makes them feel worse, that's a torture and frustrating to read, worse if you experience it first hand. Thank you for raising the awareness for lyme disease.

I like this book better than the first, the chemistry between Cara and Damien is there, it's not explosive but it's noticeable for me but I like the friendship between Cara and Jana more than the relationship between Cara & Damien, Jana is the real deal, the best friend Cara deserved indeed.

What I really like about this book is the mystery plot, I thought like he first book it won't be relevant aspect for the main character but here it is relevant, the main characters get tangled in it. I think the mystery take more space than the relationship of Cara & Damien and I'm not complaining at all, I'm invested in it. I'm just sad how much mistrust people give Cara and Marnie, how long people ignores it because they think they just seeking attention, it irate me so much.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was interesting. The asexual, OCD and chronic illness aspects were all great. You can tell the author actually knows what they’re talking about. However it did seem to constantly be reminding you the character (Cara) dealt with all those things. I didn’t really feel like she had a personality. As Readers were supposed to focus on those characteristics.
The love story seemed pretty realistic with ups and downs.
The side characters were a mixed bag for me. Still can’t decide how I feel about the best friend.
I would definitely recommend to asexuals and folks with chronic illness. I am both asexual,and live with a chronic Illness. I very much appreciate seeing characters dealing with these things.
I can see the author going places,and will definitely try some of her author books.

[Isa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Happy (almost) book birthday to My Heart to Find! This book was filled with much of what I want to find in a romance book—the excitement of true crime, the nerves about the ins and outs of dating as a young adult, and so much more. I appreciated reading about characters who are on the ace spectrum. I also appreciate that the author put in the effort of explaining what it means to be ace—and that it may mean something different to each person. Hopefully this will help people understand a sexuality that may not be as well understood.

[Tristan Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a bit of a mixed bag, but absolutely one of the most memorable ace novels I've read.

[Note: This is not so much a review informing buy/no-buy decisions, and more of a critique. It may contain mild spoilers.]

It's a romance/mystery featuring an ace ensemble. There are three perspective characters, Cara, Jana, and Damien. Cara and Damien became romantically entangled at an ace retreat several years ago, but lost contact. In the mean time, Cara developed Chronic Lyme Disease and various associated conditions, most notably OCD. When Cara and Damien find each other again, she doesn't tell him about it, and there's some miscommunication drama, including a doomed love triangle. Luckily they have a shared interest in true crime that keeps them together.

The ace retreat felt unreal the moment it was mentioned. It was a dating retreat that placed British aces into Mallorca and took their phones away. The part that gets me is that it's not even segregated by age, mixing together 60-somethings and 20-somethings. I also don't think older characters act age-appropriately in general. But, I accept the excuse to put ace characters together.

The ace ensemble has demisexuality, gray-asexuality, and asexuality represented, but I was disappointed at how little meaningful difference there was in their experiences. They have slightly different boundaries, but seem to share identical outlooks on dating, and even identical internal monologues about visual attractiveness. However, the book fulfills my ace version of the Bechdel test, having a) two ace characters b) who disagree with each other.

This is a book that isn't shy about mistreating its characters, subjecting them to bigotry, overt denial, and threats of violence. This is apparently a sticking point with some reviewers who wanted something a bit lighter. Personally I find it to be a refreshing departure from the common approach, where everyone is unreasonably accepting and supportive, except for that one ex who didn't get it. And I really don't think it would work any other way--what, would we have two characters walking in sunshine and rainbows, while the third is struggling with OCD?

------------------------------------------------

The book motivated me to look up Chronic Lyme Disease. CLD is not recognized by mainstream medical associations. The CDC takes the stance that the syndrome is real, but they call it Post-Treatment Lyme Disease Syndrome, because "Chronic Lyme Disease" tends to imply a certain etiology, namely that Lyme bacteria continue to exist in the body. People with CLD frequently seek out alternative doctors who recognize CLD and prescribe treatments based on this theory, usually long-term antibiotics. The CDC says there is no evidence that long-term antibiotics are better than placebo, and point to the risk of harm of such treatments.

I don't like how the medical associations frame this as "chronic lyme doesn't exist"--they basically agree that it exists, don't they? I think this framing turns patients against doctors, and also communicates the wrong thing to doctors when they look it up. In the book, mainstream doctors outright deny Cara's symptoms, refuse to offer treatment, refuse to perform diagnostic tests, and generally subject her to unconscionable abuse. Rather than following the official stance that the cause is unknown, doctors act like they know the cause, which is to say it's caused by mental illness, or nothing at all, or both (because mental illness ain't real, the doctors think).

But the flip side is that the alternative doctors are selling very expensive treatment that isn't proven to work, and may actively harm patients, or contribute to antibiotic resistance. Cara is explicitly shown as taking long-term antibiotics, explicitly suffers negative side effects, as well as financial hardship necessitating crowdfunding. Although I cannot assess the medical evidence, the book felt very one-sided and uncritical.

But I admit, it still works as a story. CLD aside, I suspect Cara's experiences with chronic illness and doctors are fairly common, even for illnesses that are officially recognized--such as OCD. Cara feels like a sympathetic and well-realized character to me. She doesn't fall into any of the problematic tropes I'm aware of; she's not treated as an inspiration, nor an object of pity, she's a person who is more than her illness.

Honestly the more problematic aspect of the novel is the true crime thing. Detectives going over the heads of police is common enough in these stories, but it feels really bad when it's framed as true crime fans nosing into victims' lives. Isn't this precisely what gives the true crime fandom a bad reputation? They don't really have the evidence to justify their actions, it's just, "well they were right in the end, weren't they?"

Part of the issue is that the mystery is just paper thin. It functions more as a metaphor for CLD than as an actual mystery. Everyone denies that a crime has occurred, except for the protagonists, so they need to circumvent proper authorities to solve the problem for themselves. The only characters who speak a critical word about what they're doing are basically villains. It feels like a refusal to consider the ethical implications of story events, and that makes it a little less compelling.

[aspeccharactersoftheday]

https://aspeccharactersoftheday.tumbl...

[Hatashi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can't wait for this book! One of my favorite authors.

[A]

MC Rep: white asexual female who is chronically ill with Lyme Disease and Encephalitis-induced OCD, also known as PANS; demisexual male LI

[Rachel Nevada Wood · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cara, who is asexual and wrestling with OCD caused by encephalitis and Chronic Lime Disease, runs into an old flame, Damien, who she connected with at an ace convention. The two reconnect over their love of true crime and the case of a girl who has gone missing locally. Meanwhile, Cara's close friend Jana is struggling to handle a racist, sexist boss at work.

I really wanted to like this book. In fact, I picked it up prior to picking up Claire Kann's The Romantic Agenda because I was in the mood for a queer, ace romance. I struggled to finish it, not because there was anything wrong with the book, but because the book focused more on the true crime mystery and Cara's struggle with Chronic Lyme Disease then it did on navigating what relationships might look like if you challenge normative views of romance and sex. There's nothing inherently wrong with either of those focuses (in fact, themes around healthcare and chronic illness were done beautifully), it's just not quite what I was in the mood for.

There are several things I really liked about this book. There's lots of different ace representation (including two main characters who are ace and one character who identifies as gray ace) and Annalise really centers the importance of queer community by having key events take place at a meet up for asexual people. As I mentioned previously, Annalise really treats Chronic Lyme with care (perhaps because she herself has Chronic Lyme disease). There are a few moments where the plot line leans towards 'magical cure,' but Annalise is quick to have Cara call herself out for those problematic tropes, so that helps balance things out a smidge.

There are also a few things that put me off a smidge. One was the friendships. First, Jana and Cara have a mutual friend who holds a lot of problematic beliefs about chronic illness that really should have not been allowed to be friends with them for that long? She eventually gets the boot, but I dislike that her behavior had been permitted for as long as it was. There is also just not enough communication between Jana and Cara. I mean my close friends know if I pined after someone in the grocery store, so it seems strange to me that Jana wouldn't know that Cara was still into Damien. However, Cara clearly was not communicating with Jana. Then, the fact that Cara went behind Jana's back to see Damien is never discussed?? Like I get that an abduction criminal case was being actively investigated, but even an aside in the epilogue would have been nice. Instead it's really brushed under the rug, which I dislike . The other thing that put me off a smidge was the true crime plot line. I don't read a lot of romantic suspense, but the whole thing felt like it wasn't necessarily treated with the weight it deserved until the very end and it also felt very rudimentary? I'd be interested in seeing what regular readers of romantic suspense think.

If you're in the mood for a quick, light romantic suspense read that has queer and disabled rep, I would recommend. But if you're here for swoony romance or challenging normative structures, I'd recommend other books first.

[Sirah · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Cara first met Damien on a retreat for asexual individuals, she was sure they would have a sweeping romance. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to contact him until three years later. By that time she had contracted chronic Lyme disease, which not only made it hard to move, but which gave her brain inflammation, causing OCD. She's tired of having to explain her asexuality and her chronic illness, but if she can't advocate for herself, she might lose her one chance at true love. Meanwhile, a local woman has gone missing, and as the true crime lovers that they are, Cara and Damien set out to figure out if she has been abducted and how the creepy coffee shop owner might be involved.

This book was incredibly sensitive about chronic illness and asexuality. It was honestly a relief to have such brief but impactful lines about both topics, all of them blending fairly well into the larger narrative. I admit I was hesitant to read this one because I'm not terribly into the rom com or cozy mystery scene, but this one was easy to read and remarkably insightful. You may have guessed from my synopsis, but this book had a lot of plot elements. Between the criss-crossing subplots and the advocacy, there wasn't much room for character development. Although I liked Cara, some of the other characters were shallow and forced. Since I typically read for characters, I found this dissatisfying, but for a proactive asexual, chronic illness book with themes of romance, mystery, and drama, it did a remarkably good job.

[givememycheetos · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75⭐️

Mi mayor pro del libro es que tiene mucha información respecto al espectro ace y la representación fue *chef kiss*.

El romance inició de una forma bastante tierna y adorable, no sabía como la relación con Damien iba a evolucionar por el TOC de Cara. Eso si sentí que en un punto los personajes se quedaron estancados… pero estoy satisfecha con el desenlace.

No podía entender como una enfermedad crónica como la enfermedad de Lyme, llegó a cambiar tanto el entorno de una persona y sus relaciones con los demás, ¡a tal punto de no poder acariciar a su perrito!😭. Me quedo mucho con el siguiente párrafo:

“That’s the thing—you never really get it until you literally get it. It’s part of the problem about the stigma around any chronic illness and mental health too. It’s inaccessible for those who don’t have it, and it leads to a lot of harm when people don’t understand.”

🤷‍♀️Hay una subtrama respecto a la desaparición de una chica de 19 años que paseaba perros, pero fue desarrollada a medias, ¿tenía potencial? Sí, pero no fue la gran cosa.

Mi personaje favorito es sin duda Jana, la mejor amiga de Cara, es una reina🥰. Sentí que fue el personaje que estuvo mejor construido, y con el que más disfruté los capítulos. Había tanto chisme a su alrededor, y fue vital para la evolución de los demás personajes.

En general, es un libro bastante bueno con un romance fresco, que tenía todo para ser un 5⭐️, pero le falto.

[marisdreaming · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 rounded down.
I’m sorry, but this book was disappointing. For starters it felt like an unedited draft (there are more than a few typos and repetitions).
The Lyme disease rep was well-done (how quick Cara becomes kind of okay with touching Damien surprised me, but I don’t know enough about Lyme to dispute it), the ace rep was pretty decent too. But from a book subtitled “aces in love romantic mystery” I expected a lot better for the mystery, if I can even call it that. The investigation amounts to going to talk with the victim’s brother, that and Damien walking the same route the victim had been on when she was abducted (he does that as part of his job, and casually happens on the only "hint" we get from that).
I didn’t enjoy the romance at all. I wish the focus would have been on the mystery instead of wasting time on the love triangle (that wasn’t an actual triangle, everyone knew from the start how it would end, it was just there for drama that didn’t even resolve in anything).
As a side note, I’m supposed to believe Cara and Jana are bestfriends. Maybe they were, but in the present they barely seem to get each other; Jana even stayed friends with River as she was actively bullying Cara. She finally tells her off, but her reaction is way too late. (That without even getting into how Cara isn’t able to talk to her about what’s going on with Damien, and her solution to keep her friendship isn’t being honest but hiding their relationship.)

[Sydney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most relatable book I’ve ever read. I have Chronic Lyme Disease and every thing about this book was accurate and it made me feel heard. This the only fictional work I’ve ever seen featuring a character with Chronic Lyme disease, so I snapped it up immediately and wasn’t disappointed. It’s clear that this is an #ownvoices book as only someone with Chronic Lyme could describe it in the way that Annalise has. There are so many pit falls when writing about disability, but Annalise navigated them flawlessly. I think this book will stay near and dear to my heart for a long time, and it will be required reading for anyone who wants to date me.

On the more practical side of the review: I have to admit, I was a little put off by the multiple POVs at first. Probably because I love Cara so much and it would be awesome to see the entire book from her view. Jana’s POV was the one I didn’t really see the point of for a while, but in the end I’m really glad it was there.

This is meant to be a Romantic Mystery, but be aware that this book is light on the mystery. That’s totally fine by me, as I’m not a huge mystery person. However, I figured out the mystery pretty quick. Nonetheless, I liked that it was there to balance out the romance aspect, and it’s nice to have a plot that’s deeper than “will they, won’t they.”

[Amanda Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! This is book two in the series but it can be read as a stand alone. I read book one and loved it so when I got the chance to read book 2 I knew I had to jump on it. Book 2 was just as great as book 1. Besides book 1 in this series I have never read an ace inspired romance novel. I love the fact that for me ace romances are not common so it made a different type of read for me. I love how the author takes an ace relationship which to my understanding can be hard and make into a romance novel. The was so much activity in this book but it was easy to follow. A women suffering from a Lyme illness with OCD has a second chance with a man she met prior to the illness. However, he doesn't think she likes him now so we takes her friend on a date. The friend likes him and starts to date him. So, there is quite a love triangle going on. Not to mention that they start questioning the disappearance of a dog walker and then a friend goes missing. They have to find these two girls. Do they find them? Well you have to read this book to find out! I highly recommend this book to romance lovers.

[Isabelle D · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is considered part of a series but it's just because of the common "theme" (at least one of the main characters being ace) so, if you haven't read In My Dreams yet, you can start with either, it doesn't make any difference. Both are sweet romances, perfect for ace readers but not only - anyone who doesn't insist on "hot" scenes in romance could enjoy the plots.
In this new story, Cara's chronic illness makes some scenes painful to read (the doctors who don't believe her are the worst) but, contrary to what she thinks, I never found her boring. At least Jana was a very good friend to her, even if they were both interested in Damien. And I liked how Cara's and Damien's shared interest in true crime podcasts led them to some amateur sleuthing.

[alishasbooknook · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book, again I related to the character, Cara. I also have a chronic illness and know what it’s like for no one to understand and for people to think I’m faking or it’s “not that bad”. It’s draining constantly being in pain, being tired and just not being able to move without being in pain.

There’s a character I didn’t like; River. I really disliked how she talked about Cara, she’s been dismissive about her condition. I love Cara and Damien, those two are so cute and I love that after some obstacles they ended up together.

The reason I gave it 4 stars is because of the mass amounts of grammatical and spelling errors. I wouldn’t usually penalise a book for this, but there was so many that it took me out of my reading experience, I was so engrossed but every time I saw an error it kind of put me off a little. There were sentences that didn’t make sense too, which is unfortunate as I really do love the book.

[Elpis G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Heart to Find follows Cara, someone with Lyme Disease and OCD resulting from the Lyme disease who recently reconnects with Damien someone who she met a few years ago on a retreat for asexuals. The book follows them getting to know each other again while also trying to solve a disappearance of a young woman in their town.

This has definitely been my favorite Aces in Love book I've read so far in the series. There was some aphobia much like two of the other books but it wasn't really the center focus as ableism from medical professionals was. I enjoyed watching Cara and Damien get to know each other and I also liked Cara having another ace friend and the different perspective she brought along too.

[Marisabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

A solid 3

I felt like there were some tangential plot lines that could have been edited down/out such as River's inclusion, the bad boss' audio recording issues, and some general expositional dialogue that did a lot more telling than showing.

wrote this halfway through and feel like it still stands- not bad so far, the representation is nice but I feel like there's a lot of over explaining that lead to clunky expository dialogue and monologue in otherwise good storytelling. Maybe a definitions glossary in the prologue would have been better, representation focused fiction can benefit from authors giving more credit to the readers intelligence and ability to research/read between the lines.

[Jess Grayson (bookspastbedtime) · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars

This was the definition of a "middle-of-the-road" read. While I really loved the ace-rep (the three main characters are all different variations of ace identities) and I appreciated the chronic illness rep (& learning more about chronic lyme and the stigma surrounding it), this wasn't a story I really FELT. The characters were fine, but the writing was very surface level and the emotions were very much told and not shown. I didn't find myself connecting to the story or really caring much about what happened. It was enjoyable enough, and a short read, but it's far from making my favorites of the year list.

[Cai · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book just didn't catch me. Love triangles are a Big Nope for me, and this was billed as a "romantic mystery" but there was almost no actual mystery. The moment the racist, sexist pig of a boss showed up for seemingly no reason, it was obvious who the kidnapper was going to be. I also went into this mainly for the ace content and it was much more about her disability, which is fine, but like the mystery billing left me feeling a little misled.

She did specifically mention the laboratory my husband used to work for, which was nifty. The climactic scene was pretty good, and overall it really wasn't a bad book. Just not the book that I was expecting, unfortunately.

[Talia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an interesting read! I love how it was a combination of an asexual love story, a mystery, and the struggles that come along with chronic Lyme disease and OCD. The overall storyline was great, and I absolutely love the ace and disability representation! I also just really like the way that the book was written in general as it was a really easygoing read, and it also kept me super engaged by going back and forth between the different characters! And of course it ended with a happy and well rounded ending, which is always nice!

[Ane Ellasdatter · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a hard book to read. The pain of losing yourself and your life to illness, the medical gaslighting, the self-doubt. All accurately described, and I recognise a lot.

Some of the characters are really sweet. It was also interesting to learn a bit about being ace. And I applaud Annalise for writing about issues that should get more attention.

But I can't recommend it for the representation alone when I didn't think the book was any good. I suppose I had expected it to be feel-good, which it isn't, but that would have been OK had the story and the writing been better.

[Vonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

This was so easy to read. I’ve appreciated reading about an asexual main character, who has chronic illnesses and OCD. At times, it was difficult to not get swept up with my own OCD, since mine also focuses on contamination. Despite that, I’m happy with the representation, it made me feel seen. I do wish we’ve gotten to see more of Cara doing exposure therapy. I had an issue with how the characters acted and spoke for their ages. It doesn’t feel realistic that they’re in their mid 20s— they feel like they’re 18 or 20. Despite that, it was a light read which I enjoyed.