Nach der Trennung kommt das Glück: Mit Buddha den Liebeskummer meistern

by Meshel Laurie

Liebeskummer kann uns ganz schön aus der Bahn werfen – das weiß jeder, der schon einmal eine schwere Trennung durchgemacht hat. Als Meshel Laurie nach 19-jähriger Ehe unerwartet von ihrem Mann verlassen wird, ist sie am Boden zerstört. Weder die beste Freundin noch die kluge Therapeutin können ihr helfen. Was sie letztlich ins Leben zurückholt, sind die Lehren Buddhas. Hier zeigt sie, wie man buddhistische Konzepte gezielt gegen Liebeskummer einsetzen kann und wieder glücklich wird. Lauries Methode ist effizient: Konkrete Ratschläge und Übungen lassen sich leicht in den Alltag integrieren. Eine inspirierende und ermutigende Anleitung für Frauen mit gebrochenem Herzen.

Genres: Buddhism, Nonfiction, Relationships

Paperback

Published July 6, 2018

About the author

Meshel Laurie is a comedian presently on air (Nova) in Melbourne. You'd have seen her on television on Can of Worms, Spicks and Specks and GNW; she was a regular on Rove and the Circle. She also writes for Mamamia and is highly active on Twitter, where she has over 50,000 followers.

Meshel has been a stand-up comedian since 1994, and appeared in fourteen Melbourne International Comedy Festivals, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Melbourne Fringe Festival, Adelaide Fringe Festival and a sell-out season of a one-woman-show at the Sydney Opera House. Meshel is a member of the Advisory Board of SISHA (South East Asia Investigations into Social and Humanitarian Activities), an ambassador of Karuna Hospice, an ambassador of Childsafe Australia and an ambassador of A Flying Start for Queensland Children, for the Queensland Department of Education and Training.

Reviews

[Samuel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even better the second time round.

[Natalie S]

There are many people who ask themselves, “What would Jesus do?” but in the case of Meshel Laurie, it was, “What would Buddha do?” The Australian writer, comedian and radio personality was looking towards her Buddhist faith as a way of making sense of the end of her 19 year marriage. Except that there were no self-help manuals on successfully separating, not from a Buddhist standpoint, so she wrote her own and it’s a thought-provoking, relatable and compassionate read.

Laurie’s book finds the right balance between offering her own personal tale as well as the fundamental principles that Buddhists believe. She describes her separation from her ex-husband, Adrian Lewinski in some detail, whilst also offering a template for navigating through the negative emotions of fear, grief and loneliness that are synonymous with heartbreak.

If you’re sitting there dismissing this book as a bunch of hippie nonsense then think again. This book is instead a rather practical and logical collection of different chapters. Early on Laurie has us considering the fact that we will all lose somebody close to us someday: “No relationship – romantic, familial or platonic – is absolute and forever. We will all lose someone we rely on at some point in our lives. Sometimes the other person chooses to leave us, sometimes they’re taken from us tragically, and sometimes we discover that they were never ours to begin with. But one way or another, the relationship will end.”

This means that the ability to deal with the loss of a relationship is a useful skill. Another handy lesson that Laurie offers is to learn about the Buddhist principles of “impermanence” i.e. understanding that everyone and everything is constantly changing and “dependent arising” or understanding that we never actually stop evolving or changing and that this process is shaped by the conditions around us. For Meshel she simply wants us to consider and focus on the positive aspects of a break-up – even if it’s just being able to lie in a large bed and watch your favourite shows on Netflix – you should seize this opportunity for happiness and growth.

Meshel Laurie offers us some very practical pieces of advice in her second book, Buddhism for Break-ups. This combination of well-written, well-explained and considered Buddhist teachings as well as her own real-life experiences can offer some real comfort to readers in much the same was as Chicken Soup For The Soul has done. You can really get a sense that, “If Meshel can do it then perhaps I can too.”

Buddhism for Break-ups should be essential reading for anyone that finds themselves broken-hearted and open to the prospect of learning new things and becoming a better individual. Buddhism for Break-ups may not answer all of your questions but it is certainly clever and therapeutic enough to steer you in the right direction. Namaste!

This review originally appeared t the following website: http://arts.theaureview.com/reviews/b...

[Elaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being a book written by Meshel Laurie there was humour here in parts in spite the seriousness of the topic and devastation the ending of a marriage/relationship can bring. I probably read it a little too late as I'd already been through most of what she talks about in here. Still a good read for anyone wanting a bit of support and an alternative take on things. No quick fixes but a sense of not being alone.

[Marlena · Rating 4 out of 5]

nach einer schweren trennung bin ich in die nächste buchhandlung gestürzt und hab das erste buch gegriffen, dass mir helfen könnte. es war sehr hilfreich zu wissen, dass ich nicht alleine mit meinen komischen gedanken und gefühlen bin. besonders geholfen haben mir die zeilen in denen es darum ging, sich nur auf sich selber zu konzentrieren und niemandem die schuld zu geben. ein sehr gutes buch um die erste beschissene Phase zu überstehen!

[Arwa Aburizik · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. It does apply Buddhism to breakups. But it’s also like talking to a friend who is VERY opinionated; and one who gives you an example from her life for everything you are thinking, and not thinking, about. Best things in this book revolve around finding empathy for those who hurt us because they fighting their own battles ( or in some cases, they are insecure narcissists with dismissive attachment styles and shame issues lol). It highlights that attachment is the root of all suffering and that we are all connected, so why get all “graspy”? It emphasizes impermanence of good AND BAD states, feelings and relations. Finally, it provides specific coaching on avoiding unhelpful curiosity about an ex, and the temptation to process bizarre claims/theories about your completed relationships.

[Louise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buddhism for Breakups came at the right time for me. I've recently begun to emerge from my own marriage breakdown and am reconsidering my life. I really enjoyed this book, it's hard to get humour into a book about divorce (or Buddhism I suspect) but Meshel does that. She is unflinchingly honest about her despair at her marriage breakdown. I do plan to reread it.

http://astrongbeliefinwicker.blogspot...

[Vanessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down because I kept searching for the magical cure to heal my broken heart. Unfortunately it’s not going to happen and I hope you don’t experience what I did - the longiness to make it right with your ex based on the insights you got from this book. It you have that opportunity I am genuinely happy as there will be people like me who won’t and will have to just accept that we entered into a relationship with good faith and learnt a stack on the way out.
Good luck to anyone suffering a broken heart. I only wish for you that the pain is quick and you grow from it. X

[Jordyn H · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this as someone who is not going through a break-up, but who had dabbled in Buddhism for around 5 years. I thought Meshel did a good job of making Buddhist principles understandable & accessible to non-Buddhists. I would have liked more closure in the end of the book as it seemed to taper off with no indication of Meshel's thoughts going forward. There were also a number of grammatical errors throughout (i.e. words missing where they obviously should have been, ambiguous sentence structure making some sentences confusing) which made the read a little jarring. Overall good ready though & with any luck it will show more people the beauty and simplicity of the Buddhist faith!

[Erin Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing for those feeling like they’re in a holding pattern with any type of relationship. The title makes the reader believe the outcome would be to break up. Yes, that could be the outcome. But I loved how it makes you stop looking outward for answers to be happy - but to look in the mirror and see the part you are playing in your relationship- because emit is the only role you have true control over. This applies to friendships, relationships plutonic or romantic. Meschels honesty about her own relationships and marriage and the role she played helps the reader feel brave enough to question themselves and ‘go there’. Meschel you rock!

[Bethan Catrin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for an essay bout Buddhist detachment but I actually found it really interesting. It was a really accessible how-to guide applying Buddhist principles like emptiness (letting go of biases and looking at the world as it is, rather than how you think or expect it to be) to your life.

Obviously, it’s centred around overcoming a break-up, but it also covers topics such as friendships and the relationship with have with ourselves.

It loses a star for using cringey ‘friggin’ phrases and emojis 🫠 #sorrynotsorry

[Amanda Lenon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sensible, down to earth advice and philosophy told alongside the story of Meshel's marriage falling apart. An interesting and easy read that is calming and thought provoking. I'm not going through a break up, but if I was I'd read it again.

[Samantha Pryse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read. Reminded me about attachment and being unattached for love. It has really began to help me sort out what I want. Recommended if you are caught up on not knowing.

[Karina · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first introduction to Buddhist principles and ideas and was totally blown away by Meshels frankness, knowledge and laid back approach. Certainly has opened me to seeking further enlightenment.

[Alisha Henderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Makes Buddhist principles easy to understand in the context of a break up and just general life.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most helpful self-help books on the dissolution of marriage/relationships I have ever read. I wish I had had it a decade ago; it would have saved me much suffering. Thank you, Meshel.

[Jessica Raimann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dieses Buch hat mir damals extrem geholfen die Wahrheit zu sehen und zu erkennen, dass alles vergänglich ist.

[Mirka Šlapková · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book. I am not breaking up with someone, but it gave me an introduction to buddhism. Now I understand it a little bit better and maybe will read more books about it.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Non-preachy and practical.

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book I was neither here nor there with it. I didn't love it, but didn't hate it and would have given it a 3.5 stars. Meshel talks about how Buddhism was used as a way to help her process and cope with her then husband along with mediation.

Many parts of the book was hard to listen to as I chose as an audiobook and it got quite depressing to listen to; other parts, I shared very similar traits in which made me realise there is something I could learn from Meshel's experience and acquired information in regards to coping mechanisms for relationships and life.

Whilst I never finished the book completely, again, as I found it quite depressing and it made me feel more flat, I did take away that depression is the past and anxiety is the future when people get consumed by these feelings.

[Natalie Novotna · Rating 4 out of 5]

helpful

[Kate Tuite · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought-provoking and real. A good size - when dealing with a breakup, you don't feel like biting off too much. This was really down to earth, relatable & even humourous in parts.