Family to Family: Leaving a Lasting Legacy

by Jerry Pipes

""Family to Family" should be required reading for every Christian family who wants to cooperate with God in building a strong family and carry out our mission as Christians to make disciples."

Genres: Parenting, Evangelism, Christian, Nonfiction, Marriage

126 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Matt Garrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was greatly encouraging to someone who longs to have a family one day. The Christ-centered principles to implement in the family setting, as well as the practical aspects of loving one’s kids was very well said. For a book in class, I am so glad I have read it and plan on holding onto it/read it again down the road!

[Clifford Luebben · Rating 3 out of 5]

Family to Family was easy to read, compact, & practical. It teaches Christian families to live intentionally & missionally. The book teaches that doing so will help a family be healthy and to pass their faith on to the next generation. For this review I'll primarily just highlight a couple of things about the book that stood out to me.

A big piece in how they encourage parents to intentionally and spiritually lead their families is teaching them to develop a family mission statement. I'm not sure why, but something about this rubbed me the wrong way. I think it's because I don't like the idea of running my family like a business and mission statements remind me too much of the business world. On the other hand, I definitely agree it is important that Christian parents are intentional about how they disciple their families. Some of the ideas on how to live intentionally/missionally I thought were good. While I didn't go through the process of developing a family mission statement, the book did get me reflecting and reevaluating on how purposefully (or not) I have been leading my family.

A good chunk (maybe a 3rd) of the book focused on the importance of evangelism (and leading ones family to be active in it). Reading it definitely felt like the Baptist Christianity of 20 years ago (it's first printing was 1999), the one of my childhood. For instance, some of the evangelistic methods of yesteryear (such as tracts) are still being suggested even though they had probably already lost effectiveness by then. The time warp felt odd but it also caused spiritual reflection. I'm unsure about some of the evangelism methods. For instance, the whole "preach by being a good person" I have personally felt to be a back door to legalism in my own life. However, the book did get me thinking on how I could be more intentional about evangelism in my own life, especially to the literal neighbors I have in my cul-de-sac.

This certainly wouldn't be the first book I'd recommend on raising a family. It certainly wouldn't be the last either. In other words, I think most readers would likely to get at least some benefit, but there are better books out there.

[Melody Turner · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not great forced reading if you don’t have kids or are in a military family because most of it is not relatable🤣

Thank God it was a short book.

[Stephen James Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

In their text Family to Family: Leaving A Lasting Legacy, Jerry Pipes and Victor Lee address the concern that many evangelical families fail to properly disciple their children and evangelize their communities. Claiming that 88% of children who grow up in evangelical homes leave the church by age 18, Pipes and Lee offer suggestions to “hurried parents” to ensure their families are mission-centered, organizing and prioritizing their lives around a Christ centered mission statement (1, 3). Pipes and Lee assess healthy and unhealthy families, describing healthy families as those who spend quality time together, are committed to one another, have equally involved parents, are Christ-centered and discipleship focused, and share a mission of glorifying the Lord as a family unit (12-15).

Asserting that “people who live together do better when they agree upon a common purpose,” Pipes and Lee teach that all healthy families ought to have a healthy mission statement; if the family is to serve the church and world incarnationally and intentionally, the family unit ought to be united with one stated and agreed upon purpose (26). Furthermore, to encourage obedience to the Great Commission and the Great Commandment, parents must exemplify service, godly character, and relational intimacy with God and others (43-63). Pipes and Lee offer numerous key elements, such as modeling service and affirming children’s pursuit of God, to guide parents in successful implementation of missional living for families. Additionally, they provide incredibly helpful suggestions for servant and missional evangelism in the local and global community.

Pipes and Lee are rightfully concerned about the spiritual health of evangelical families. While there are many texts regarding evangelism, discipleship, and incarnational living and many others about raising healthy children, few authors and speakers have fully integrated these components of evangelical life as well as Pipes and Lee. The various ministries of churches trifurcate the family: fathers participate in men’s ministries, mothers in women’s ministries, and the children in Sunday school, youth group, and other similar organizations. Pipes and Lee call the family to function as unit under the banner of a Christ-centered mission, while not minimizing the importance of individual spirituality and well-being. This balance, combined with meaningful anecdotes, colloquialisms, and a plethora of service examples, make Family to Family a highly accessible text great for lay readers but likely a frustrating read for academics.

Though the family mission statement may help develop vision and intentionality in service to others, Pipes and Lee do not adequately address how deviation from the family mission ought to be addressed. Families do not function as solely hierarchical structures; the parents lead the family, but children will often have desires of their own and they cannot be terminated should they fail to comply with the mission. It is difficult to convince an eight-year-old boy not to play in a recreational baseball league because adding baseball will serve as a distraction for his established swing set evangelism. It is even more challenging to tell a teenage girl that going to prom might not glorify God because of the type of dancing that occurs during the event. The authors fail to remind their readers that no specified set of actions guarantees a certain outcome. Additionally, the text’s prescription of missional and incarnational service can quickly exhaust families and implicitly teach a works based relationship with God and between family members. Family members, particularly parents, whose hearts are not transformed by the Holy Spirit will quickly burn out if they are not fully motivated by the Lord. A chapter describing God’s sovereignty and grace, the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, and the power of prayer is glaringly absent.

Family to Family: Leaving a Lasting Legacy is one of the better texts addressing family ministries, incarnational living, and integrating parenting and Christian service. Pipes and Lee have scratched the surface of a realm of evangelicalism that requires further refining and participation to improve successful implementation of a family mission statement and its resultant relational ministry practices. Let us all utilize every aspect of our familial and personal lives to love the Lord and love others.

[Jon Harris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Family to Family is a book that attempts to help Christians consider their families as their primary mission field. The author’s state “Family to Family will help you discover God’s purpose for your family.” (Lee and Pipes, 3) The thesis can be understood and appreciated by any Christian, but the work is primarily aimed at husbands who are the ones responsible for initiating the change advocated.

First, the authors seek to establish the foundation for their thesis by defining the term “family,” a word surrounded by much confusion in modern society. The authors state, “a family is defined as ‘persons related to one another by marriage, blood, or adoption.’” (Lee and Pipes, 9) The family is humanity’s most basic unit whereby God works through their cooperation together in worship of Him. Next, the authors impress upon the readers that a crisis exists in modern Christianity between belief and action. Just as believers who affirm the importance of evangelism ignore their lost neighbors, so Christians who place importance on “family values” forget to cultivate them in their own families. Lee and Pipes present six marks that define healthiness in a family focusing on selflessness, involvement, and commitment to the Lord. In attempting to foster a healthy family the authors make the readers aware that God is at work as well. (Ibid., 13) There are seven realities (truths) concerning God’s relationship to families that leave Christians with the proper tools that make successful family life possible. (Ibid., 15) In the second chapter, the authors advocate forming a “family mission statement” that will serve as a “centerline” or foundation for family life. It will give the family unit a solid purpose and foundation for rallying around. Ultimately, this mission must start with the parents and trickle down to the children as they catch the vision. (Ibid., 26) Although the mission statement should be written down to specifically address the unique position of particular families, it is the mission of Christ Himself that every family should fulfill. (Ibid., 27) Practically speaking, the authors advise the reader to “take a family inventory,” “consider your goals,” and “conceptualize the statement.” Pipes and Lee continue by giving practical tips and hypothetical examples for a family to work through as they decide on a mission. In chapter three, the authors get into a “rubber hits the road” section in which “passing the baton” of faith to children is examined. How is it that parents should go about instilling the values of Christianity into their children? For children, the gospel must not be coerced or forced on them. Rather, when they are ready and able to understand the good news, a parent can simply help explain and point their child toward the truth, but it must be their own truth and not their parents. For teens, the authors impress upon parents the need for authenticity. Teenagers tend to notice hypocrisy. This is why Pipes and Lee give five realities that must be present before really sharing Christ with them. Parents must have a trusting relationship, an openness, a basic understanding of their culture, a readiness to explain the gospel message, and a basic understanding of apologetics. (Ibid., 48-49) Amazingly, “88% of the children who group up in our churches leave by age 18. However, that figure is as low as five percent when the mother and father have been modeling their faith and are engaged in the harvest.” (Ibid., 50) Parental involvement is definitely lacking in many of our Christian families.

Pipes and Lee recommend seven key elements for parents who desire to stem this tide of children lost to the world. It’s important for parents to model a Christ-like example, be there for their children (availability), affirm them (let them know they’re valuable), pray with and for them, be transparent (open and honest), empowering(encouragement), and make the Word of God central. (Ibid., 52-56) Setting up a regular time for family worship is an essential part of this model. The authors offer up two hypothetical examples of what family worship can look like. In one example the children are forced out of duty to participate in something they don’t want to do by a father who treats this important time as a “bible quiz.” In the second example, the father fosters participation and encourages the children to share the struggles from their own personal lives, thereby making the lesson applicable. (Ibid., 58) Pipes and Lee recommend letting the Word of God speak for itself during family devotions, sharing prayer requests, and have a season of prayer. (Ibid., 61-63) In chapter four, the authors provide a vision for being a light in the world through the institution of the family. The quantity and quality time of family life should be spent around God’s purposes. (Ibid., 69) Reaching friends, neighbors, and relatives through evangelistic endeavors is the key. Not only will this build family unity, but it will accomplish God’s purposes. In this chapter the authors provide a wealth of information pertaining to specific ideas that families can participate in. Pipes and Lee expand on this theme in the next chapter entitled, “Out of Your World, Into Your Church.” Many evangelistic and service-related pursuits can be accomplished through the direction and administration of the local church.

In summary, the authors provide a practical resource guide for families who desire to make God the center of their family life through building a Christian identity on the inside and exemplifying a Christian witness on the outside.

[BJ Richardson · Rating 3 out of 5]

According to the authors, Family to Family “is for hurried parents who deeply desire meaningful family time, true significance, and long to pass the baton of their faith in Christ on to their children.” This short book of just 126 pages can be divided into two parts of three chapters each. The first three chapters examine the family as mission. It examines what a family looks like, why so many children walk away from God in their late teens and college years, and how the family can do a better job of “passing the baton” in leaving a godly legacy down through the generations.

The second part of the book examines the family on mission. It examines how the family can move beyond the house into their community, how they can then connect their ministry in the community with the ministries of their church, and how they can be effective in evangelism. Each chapter concludes with practical steps for personal, or rather, family application. These include family readiness questions, family applications, family building activities, and applicable scriptures the family can examine together.

The greatest strength of this book is its ability to focus on intentionality. Too often, we have personal plans and goals, we have business plans and goals, and parents might have plans and goals for the individual outcome of their children’s lives. But we don’t often hear people talking about what we as a family unit should do, be, and become. Especially in “Chapter 2: Developing a Mission Statement”, but also throughout the book, the focus is exactly on that. The focus is not on what we want the members of our family to become, but rather what we, as a cohesive family unit want to become.

As someone who is single not by circumstance but by calling, this book has use for me in how I can teach and counsel others but is not applicable for my household of one. To be fair, I am clearly not the intended audience and the book doesn’t in any way view singleness as “less than” as so many sermons and books of this type seem to do.

But it is not just me for whom this book doesn’t seem to apply. Pretty much all of the book's illustrations and applications seem to be limited to late ‘90s American Midwest middle class suburbia. For those reading this book who are living in urban or rural settings, for those living in other parts of the world, and for those living in this time, not two decades ago, a good deal of work will need to be done to recontextualize the book within their context. While the copyright page shows many reprintings of this book, it is clear that these are merely reprintings and it has not been “revised and updated.”

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, “Family to Family,” Dr Jerry Pipes and Victor Lee, write what I believe is the manual for a family to ensure they have a significant impact in this world for all of their lives. The manual can be put to good use by a father or mother who wants to lead their children to know, serve and honor the Lord together as a unit and then as they go off on their own. Beginning by discussing what causes a family to be healthy or unhealthy, namely being balanced or imbalanced respectively. An overarching theme is that the good must be surrendered for the best from time to time in order to keep the main thing the main thing, as the saying goes. The main thing, of course, is God’s mission for your family, which as previously mentioned, requires a healthy balanced family. In addition to describing the need for quantity as well as quality time for a family, the first section provides a framework for crafting a family mission statement which could be the combination of individual mission statements as well as a marriage mission statement. The purpose of those statements is to keep your family on course as you remain on mission with God, providing both a centerline and guardrails. Having a mission and ensuring it is known and embraced will also help keep your children on track after they leave the home and carry out what they are taught. Furthermore, putting into practice the life lessons instilled in your children, explored in the second half of the book, includes finding many ways for engaging both in the church and the world around us using Jesus as the ultimate example. The book closes on a very important point, centered on evangelism through prayer and the Holy Spirit, and how to share the Gospel message as a family continually.

[Johnathan Nazarian · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was another one of those average books. There was some decent content, but I feel that the purpose of the book can be slightly confusing. The general concept is that you have to know how to evangelize and disciple your immediate family in order to evangelize other families. It then moves from personal evangelism to church evangelism. My issue with this book is that the opening chapter presents some issues with the modern church family without giving a complete solution to those problems. While time spent with family and intentional discipleship is certainly necessary, that alone is not quite enough to solve the problem presented. Therefore, the remainder of the book is looked at through the lens of the first problem presented in the beginning of the book. Some of the illustrations were useful and some were a bit of a stretch. I do think there are a few nuggets here that can be used for future teaching on evangelism and on family discipleship. I just feel that the book was a little confused on its primary purpose. Especially towards the end when it becomes more of a manifesto on how churches can reach people.

[Garrett Gouveia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was neither impressed or disappointed in this title, it was a easy enough read, which covered the basics of family evangelism. Most of the anecdotes seemed to be made up, or easily identifiable outcomes - which took away from the message of the topics covered. Speaking of the topics that were covered, did not seem to be evangelical in nature, but more so rooted in family planning that can be found in psychology books of the same topics. Some ideas made you think, oh that’s great, and others, well that’s simply silly. Besides the book being dated in its material, it can easily be transferred to families dynamics in these times. In all, it’s on okay read for a beginner in family evangelism.

[Stephan Teske · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Family to Family" by Dr. Jerry Pipes and Victor Lee is a Christian family guidebook on how to teach families to live intentionally for Christ and for parents to lead their families spiritually. The book focuses heavily on the idea of evangelism and the importance of carrying faith to the next generations. The book looks at what an unhealthy and healthy Christian family looks like in today’s world and helps the reader assess and make adjustments to improve. The book gives practical applications that help you along the way and families can benefit from them and reassess how their dynamic is going.

[Ross Hearne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short, compact, and practical. Pipes and Lee set out to define the family in a biblical way and its purpose as the primary mission field in life. For God has set it up structurally and specifically in a way that showcases his glory in each family members role. In evangelism the family has a part to play. I would’ve liked to see him more speak into other people’s lives who may not have family of their own. I.E. single moms, divorced parents, widows, widoed, and singles. But a good resource for practical family application.

[Rebecca Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book 187 of 2018. I have mixed feelings about this book (and I’m supposed to write a paper on it this week! Eek!). I find the ideas behind the book very countercultural and difficult to implement (also exhausting if you’re trying to adhere to the book religiously). On the other hand, there are some great ideas for simple outreaches and service activities the whole family can be involved in.

[Aaron Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book, with practical application for how to get your family centered around the great commission. I've dabbled in the book habits of the household and enjoyed this more.

[Brian Reagan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lee and Pipes do an excellent job of not placing their theological bias as Baptists into the text. This balanced presentation makes the book accessible to people from any Christian faith tradition, including the suggested exercises and ideas. If Lee and Pipes have a bias it is simply that families are to be active in discipling themselves, and their fruit should benefit the church and the community at large.
The book at times might be tedious to a reader, but only if they have read the other texts referenced in Family to Family. However, granting that possibility, Lee and Pipes integrate the other texts into this text so that it is easy to apply the principles into daily family life. This author would recommend the book to people active in church leadership, to people with families in home, or to those who are concerned about their grandchildren. The book could be effectively incorporated into a variety of church classes, or by individual families, since the book is designed to do that, with very little adaptation.

[Joe Valenti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do not let the outdated cover of this book fool you. This is one of the best books on family discipleship, evangelism, and missional living that you will ever read. Jerry Pipes and Victor Lee offer incredible insight on how to develop a family mission statement, how to lead your family in being missional, and they also give great practical advise for how to begin implementing their ideas regardless of how far you are into the parenting game.

[Brian Chilton · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Family to Family" is a decent read. The writers offer good advice for parents pertaining to how one can influence his or her children in a positive manner. The book is not a blockbuster read by any means, and does not necessarily take into consideration the enormous amount of negative influences affecting modern youth. Nevertheless, Pipes and Lee provides a good introduction for parents who seek to have a positive Christian role in the spiritual development of their children.

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Extremely practical look how to help Christian families develop and implement an effective purpose statement.

[Brian Chilton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book. Great ways to spiritually strengthen one's family is offered in this book.

[Brent · Rating 1 out of 5]

I could not take this book seriously. Antiquated and lacks any depth.