Boring and seriously repetitive! There were two huge problems with the writing, one, its seriously repetitive, and two, the author writes pages and pages for one small, unimportant thing. The repetition first, honestly this book was 90% repetition. Just a handful of examples from the first like 40%,
1. He e says at the top of one page that he was raised in the cult, of course the author uses many more word than that, only to say again that he was raised in the cult just three sentences later.
2. She asks bikers if they know a Levictus Wolff and one biker laughs and says to the others, "Levi's name is Levicticus, then she thinks to herself he knows leviticus, but apparently Levictus goes by Levi now. Well, yeah, you just had the reader reading it when it happened.
3. Not to mention she had Levi himself telling the reader that he was named Levictus Wolff,
4. And he stated it several times in the previous couple of pages.
5. We read the scene of him calling Seton, the club prez's woman, to bring Cherish clothes, read the scene of her accepting the clothes from Seton, then we had to read it again when he says that he called Senton to get Cherish clothes! Argh! The repetition is awful!
6. The heroine thinks that she'd been so focused on getting to Lupine that she hadn't thought about what to expect, in the next scene she thinks it again, that she'd been so focused on getting to Lupine that she hadn't thought about what to expect.
7. The heroine asks him "Levictus?" And he thinks, "she just called me Levictus", yes, again, we read it happening! It was bad writing ability.
Then it got worse! The author started repeating things three and four times,
8. He told her she could stay one night only
9. Then he went and told his brothers she can stay one night only
10. Then she thought again, he told me I could stay for only one night.
11. Seton tells the heroine they'll go shopping for clothes, and then she has a hairdresser friend who'll cut the heroine's hair
12. We rwad the scene of them going shopping for clothes and Senton's hairdresser friend cutting the heroines hair
13. Then we read the scene of the heroine telling the hero that Seton took her shopping for clothes and then had a hairdresser friend cut her hair
14. Then he thinks about how Senton had taken the heroine shopping, and how Seton had a hairdressser friend who cut Cherish's hair.
15. Then it's the entire scene of them when he goes to tell her she can stay, in her pov, about him moving closer to her then him leaving etc, only to then be made to re-read it in the exact same detail in his pov, when he thinks about how he'd gone to see her to say she could stay, how he'd moved close to her then he'd left etc
And this one scene went on for over 20 pages! Twenty pages for one scene because the author repeated it in detail in both characters points of view! Ridiculous! So, when I say the entire book is just repetition, I mean it!
Talk about repetitive in the extreme! It's irritating and boring! Readers do not need or want the author to tell them what she literally just had them reading a second before she makes us re-read it. I was left asking if the author seriously thinks what she has written here, such heavy repetition page after page after page, is enjoyable for readers! It's not enjoyable!
The overuse of the word 'had' is another example, it was used seven times on one page with only two paragraphs. It's a word I've noticed "excessive word packing" authors use. Along with not using contracted forms, "I had had to go" could be the contraction "I'd had to go". Not only would it have cut down on unnecessary words, it would have suited the first person narrative the author used much better.
The second big problem with the writing was how the author wrote entire pages for one unimportant thing that could and should have been stated in only one sentence. Extremely boring! I don't know if the author wrote several pages on every little thing to up the word count because she didn't have much idea of what to write as a story,
Another problem related to the excessive information for small things, were that sentences were crammed with too many unnecessary words, when she could and should have given the exact same information using fewer words. It made it like thick peasoup to slog through. An example,
"What few details I knew of the dead serviceman’s life had been told to us by Grey following his conversation with his dad’s old friend. His name was Evan Kramer. He had been a young man, not even twenty six yet when he died". It should gave just said,
"Grey told us about the him, Evan Kramer was only twenty five when he was killed". Because the author had given all the rest of the information in that sentence in the sentence before this one, when she wrote that a friend of Grey's father had called Grey to tell him about a young service man who had died in Afghanistan. So there was no need for her to repeat it all again.
It would be different if the author was giveing information to set scenes or world build but no, all these excessively wordy sentences were giving detail for unimportant things, like half a page to describe someone walking to him, or repeating information already given.
There were other issues, including grammatical errors and missing words, and problems like this, where in one paragraph two differ tings where stated, "I was ravenous, and had eaten most of my club sandwich and all of my fries before I knew it. Once I had eaten about half of my burger and demolished most of the fries, I sat back", Clearly that part about the buger was extra that shouldn't have been there.
As for the story, it was very cliched for the mc genre, cult girl escapes cult and gets protection from an mc, after the biker falls for her. Nothing new. I love mc books, so I don't mind re-reading the cliched plots but they need to have more depth to make them a bit different. This was just a copied and pasted basic outline of the many cult/mc stories already done.
I really didn't like the hero, he's always barking at her, and is always in a foul mood with her, no matter what his reasons, it's no excuse to treat her as bad as he does. He also knew where she was from, he knew how bad it was for young girls at the cult, how awful it would be for her if she got caught and brought back there, yet he didn't want to help her. He was willing to throw her out into the world, with no experience of the outside world, alone, with no money and nowhere to go or to sleep.
He only ended up helping her after he'd started thinking about how sexy she was and what it would be with her. He could have easily helped her, gave her cash, or to find a job, point her in the right direction. It would have been of no effort or cost to actually help the poor girl, but no, not until he started having dirty thoughts about her. He was horrible. Not to mention it never says that once he was out, did he never think to tell the authorities about 13 year old girls being raped. Neither did the heroine. I need to like the characters I read about much more than this.
The rest of it was tedious, lots of cliched details of other clubs and truces etc, I started skimming then, at around 30%. I read a lot of MC books because I enjoy them, but I didn't enjoy anything about this, not the story, not the characters and not the writing. It was so tedious I didn't finish it, didn't even get half way despite skimming. Cliched, basic and very boring compared to the many better MC books others out there by other authors.