What do you think?
Rate this book
Dead Dad Jokes
Dead Dad Jokes is an unflinching take on family, loss and trauma. There is nothing quiet about Schminkey's debut. Every page is raw, honest and unforgettable. Dead Dad Jokes brings the impact of addiction into crisp focus while also shattering our simplistic TV preconceptions about it. Ollie never lets the reader slip into the easy sadness of cliche - instead they guide us through the realities and contradictions of losing someone you love and of death - reminding us that they need not be one and the same.
69 pages, Paperback
First published May 25, 2021
23 people are currently reading
574 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
June 11, 2021
Normalize keeping someone's teeth after they die.
February 3, 2022
A good, good poetry collection detailing the author's grief after the death of their abusive, alcoholic father. I loved pretty much every poem in here, and they were all exquisite and well thought out. There is a discussion on mourning (its ambiguity and whether some people deserve it, even though they affect one anyway), gender, emotional abuse, even matters of ecocriticism, considering the father's love of hunting. So well-written and heart-wrecking.
---
when i spell grief, i can never remember if the i or e comes first,
so i spend each day autocorrecting my greif,
my grief, greif, grief, greif,
until i can finally figure out what the fuck it is i'm trying to say.
---
some favourites: I Write My Dead Name in My Father's Obituary, The First Birthday He is Not Alive, Sometimes I Want to Hurt People Who Have Hurt Me, Dead Dad Jokes.
[Arc provided via Netgalley, but the book is already out. please read it.]
---
when i spell grief, i can never remember if the i or e comes first,
so i spend each day autocorrecting my greif,
my grief, greif, grief, greif,
until i can finally figure out what the fuck it is i'm trying to say.
---
some favourites: I Write My Dead Name in My Father's Obituary, The First Birthday He is Not Alive, Sometimes I Want to Hurt People Who Have Hurt Me, Dead Dad Jokes.
[Arc provided via Netgalley, but the book is already out. please read it.]
May 27, 2021
(Received an ARC via Netgalley to review)
This is one of those poetry collections that absolutely begs to be bought in paperback, so that you can do the pretentious thing of dog-earing every page and scribbling all over it and memorising all the best lines so that you can say them over and over again, just for the joy of hearing them out loud. 'Joy' is perhaps an odd word to apply to this particular collection, given that it's essentially 80 or so pages of unrelenting grief, but there really is an odd sort of joy to be found in reading a work which takes someone's particular experience and manages to make it both entirely singular and of the poet, but also something that the reader can experience.
I know there are reasons that this book speaks to me. Like the poet, I've held the hand of someone I love as they die. I've been there for the undignified end, seen the way a body changes when there's no life in it, wondered how everyone and everything else can just keep going on like the world hasn't ended, when I just saw it happen. And that's the exact feeling that this collection manages to make manifest. The bizarreness of sitting at a party, as the poet describes, while everyone else around you is having fun, and all you can think about is how different someone's face looks when they've been dead for half an hour. The unrelenting urge to speak out about it, the way you want to be asked about it but also don't ever want anyone else to know what you saw, the way everyone else's problems are nothing in the face of your grief. These feelings are at once universal to anyone who's ever been bereaved and also entirely personal on the part of the poet; no-one's grief is ever the same, even when they've lost the same person, and I think Schminkey really excels in conveying the complexities of grieving someone.
Honestly, there's so much that could be said about this one that I don't even know where to start. The language is often beautiful, often surprisingly funny - some reviewers have commented negatively on Schminkey's use of humour, as though it diminishes their grief, when actually anyone who's ever been in a similar position will tell you that it's literally the only way you can cope with the enormity of watching someone die, and in my mind it also added some much-needed levity to the book, albeit a rather dark flavour thereof - and every single poem, even the ones which feel the least polished, stands entirely on its own merit, whilst also pulling the narrative of the collection through. Grief isn't the only subject of the poems; queerness, addiction, fatherhood, found/chosen family and the gendered nature of 'care' are all themes that Schminkey weaves in alongside it, and which make it feel less like a monotonous treatise on death. It's nuanced and clever and brilliant and I really do just want to haul a copy of this book around with me forever.
This isn't a collection to read if you aren't in the right frame of mind, but for anyone who's ever experienced anything like the poet has, reading it feels like being witnessed and recognised in a way that speaks to the cleverness of Schminkey's work, and I'm absolutely going to be looking out for whatever they write next.
This is one of those poetry collections that absolutely begs to be bought in paperback, so that you can do the pretentious thing of dog-earing every page and scribbling all over it and memorising all the best lines so that you can say them over and over again, just for the joy of hearing them out loud. 'Joy' is perhaps an odd word to apply to this particular collection, given that it's essentially 80 or so pages of unrelenting grief, but there really is an odd sort of joy to be found in reading a work which takes someone's particular experience and manages to make it both entirely singular and of the poet, but also something that the reader can experience.
I know there are reasons that this book speaks to me. Like the poet, I've held the hand of someone I love as they die. I've been there for the undignified end, seen the way a body changes when there's no life in it, wondered how everyone and everything else can just keep going on like the world hasn't ended, when I just saw it happen. And that's the exact feeling that this collection manages to make manifest. The bizarreness of sitting at a party, as the poet describes, while everyone else around you is having fun, and all you can think about is how different someone's face looks when they've been dead for half an hour. The unrelenting urge to speak out about it, the way you want to be asked about it but also don't ever want anyone else to know what you saw, the way everyone else's problems are nothing in the face of your grief. These feelings are at once universal to anyone who's ever been bereaved and also entirely personal on the part of the poet; no-one's grief is ever the same, even when they've lost the same person, and I think Schminkey really excels in conveying the complexities of grieving someone.
Honestly, there's so much that could be said about this one that I don't even know where to start. The language is often beautiful, often surprisingly funny - some reviewers have commented negatively on Schminkey's use of humour, as though it diminishes their grief, when actually anyone who's ever been in a similar position will tell you that it's literally the only way you can cope with the enormity of watching someone die, and in my mind it also added some much-needed levity to the book, albeit a rather dark flavour thereof - and every single poem, even the ones which feel the least polished, stands entirely on its own merit, whilst also pulling the narrative of the collection through. Grief isn't the only subject of the poems; queerness, addiction, fatherhood, found/chosen family and the gendered nature of 'care' are all themes that Schminkey weaves in alongside it, and which make it feel less like a monotonous treatise on death. It's nuanced and clever and brilliant and I really do just want to haul a copy of this book around with me forever.
This isn't a collection to read if you aren't in the right frame of mind, but for anyone who's ever experienced anything like the poet has, reading it feels like being witnessed and recognised in a way that speaks to the cleverness of Schminkey's work, and I'm absolutely going to be looking out for whatever they write next.
April 4, 2021
➶ 2021 books: 50/60
I can't put into words how much this book resonated with me. The discussion of losing a father and what that entails in terms of grief, life carrying on, 'dad jokes' and so much more... left me both speechless and feeling so seen. I have loved slam poetry for years and it has been my own catharsis throughout my experience grieving and reading this brought me to tears. Whilst this collection was extremely moving, I also absolutely adored the humour intertwined within the hardship. I found myself laughing out loud during so many points which was such a pleasant surprise and it really did highlight the importance of making light of devastating situations.
This came to me at the perfect time and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to read it. Ollie Schminkey's writing is not only beautiful, but so real and so incredibly raw. Their way with words was OUTSTANDING and its no question that they are a new favourite poet of mine.
I can't put into words how much this book resonated with me. The discussion of losing a father and what that entails in terms of grief, life carrying on, 'dad jokes' and so much more... left me both speechless and feeling so seen. I have loved slam poetry for years and it has been my own catharsis throughout my experience grieving and reading this brought me to tears. Whilst this collection was extremely moving, I also absolutely adored the humour intertwined within the hardship. I found myself laughing out loud during so many points which was such a pleasant surprise and it really did highlight the importance of making light of devastating situations.
This came to me at the perfect time and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to read it. Ollie Schminkey's writing is not only beautiful, but so real and so incredibly raw. Their way with words was OUTSTANDING and its no question that they are a new favourite poet of mine.
April 4, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review!
I can't put into words how much this book resonated with me. The discussion of losing a father and what that entails in terms of grief, life carrying on, 'dad jokes' and so much more... left me both speechless and feeling so seen. I have loved slam poetry for years and it has been my own catharsis throughout my experience grieving and reading this brought me to tears. Whilst this collection was extremely moving, I also absolutely adored the humour intertwined within the hardship. I found myself laughing out loud during so many points which was such a pleasant surprise and it really did highlight the importance of making light of devastating situations.
This came to me at the perfect time and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to read it. Ollie Schminkey's writing is not only beautiful, but so real and so incredibly raw. Their way with words was OUTSTANDING and its no question that they are a new favourite poet of mine.
I can't put into words how much this book resonated with me. The discussion of losing a father and what that entails in terms of grief, life carrying on, 'dad jokes' and so much more... left me both speechless and feeling so seen. I have loved slam poetry for years and it has been my own catharsis throughout my experience grieving and reading this brought me to tears. Whilst this collection was extremely moving, I also absolutely adored the humour intertwined within the hardship. I found myself laughing out loud during so many points which was such a pleasant surprise and it really did highlight the importance of making light of devastating situations.
This came to me at the perfect time and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to read it. Ollie Schminkey's writing is not only beautiful, but so real and so incredibly raw. Their way with words was OUTSTANDING and its no question that they are a new favourite poet of mine.
May 23, 2021
this was a really good collection of poems exploring death. there were none of the pretentious bullshit type poems i hate and the imagery was really strong. mostly gross, but strong nonetheless.
i received an arc in exchange for an honest review.
i received an arc in exchange for an honest review.
May 10, 2021
ARC given by NetGalley for Honest Review
Ollie Schminkey weaves a macabre and raw picture of the honest truth about watching a loved one die. They masterfully make the "othering" feeling of hearing about death connect in an honest and thoughtful way.
Throughout the book they speak on putting aside one's own hang-ups when dealing with the death of an abuser, and how it feels to use their deadname and the wrong gender identity throughout the process. Grief and the grieving process is a large part of this collection of poems, it's intimate in a way that makes you feel part of the story without feeling intrusive. (That is until they start talking about the penis.)
Overall I was highly impressed by the intensity and the bluntness towards death Schminkey captures and I'm hoping it will help others in similar situations.
Ollie Schminkey weaves a macabre and raw picture of the honest truth about watching a loved one die. They masterfully make the "othering" feeling of hearing about death connect in an honest and thoughtful way.
Throughout the book they speak on putting aside one's own hang-ups when dealing with the death of an abuser, and how it feels to use their deadname and the wrong gender identity throughout the process. Grief and the grieving process is a large part of this collection of poems, it's intimate in a way that makes you feel part of the story without feeling intrusive. (That is until they start talking about the penis.)
Overall I was highly impressed by the intensity and the bluntness towards death Schminkey captures and I'm hoping it will help others in similar situations.
April 16, 2021
Wow.
I already wrote a review for this but after rereading it I decided that it was woefully inadequate for how good I think this book of poetry is.
Dead Dad Jokes tackles a topic that we all will have to deal with at some point, but that most of us prefer not to think about; the death of a parent or loved one. It is an ugly business, taking care of someone during their final weeks, days, hours. There is a dirty indignity to death and dying that Ollie Schminkey does not shy away from in this collection. They speak about the death of their father in brutal, gruesome language that doesn't flinch as it talks about bodily fluids and wound care and the complex emotional state of a caregiver.
Ollie Schminkey's openness is jarring; discussion of their complicated with relationship with their father and his alcoholism, painful memories and dark thoughts in the midst of caring for him in his final days, about unresolved issues and queerness in a space where queerness is unwelcome. It is all so raw and painful and honest. Ollie doesn't try to preserve their dad's dignity in these poems. They speak candidly about catheters and cleaning up their father's pee. But they also don't try to preserve their own dignity. They tear open their heart for the reader and say "I'm an undignified mess and I don't know what to do about it at this point." They acknowledge that the death of their father has left them in this strange limbo where all the unsaid things and all of the said things and all of the things they had to do and all of the things they didn't do echo through their head and color their memories.
This poetry was so hard to read, and it is not the type of thing I would recommend lightly. There is a lot of discussion of medical care that includes graphic descriptions of wounds and things Ollie had to do for their father. There is mention of transphobia, misgendering, and unaccepting parents. There is mention of substance abuse and animal abuse (not explicit) and the trauma that comes from it all. There is a lot to unpack in this collection, but it is wonderfully written and deserves all the attention that it can get.
This has not yet technically been released yet. I got it on NetGalley, but even despite the free copy that I received I have already added the print copy to my Amazon Wishlist and will be purchasing it as soon as it is available May 25, 2021. I encourage anyone with an interest in poetry who would not find themselves triggered by the topics mentioned above to give this a try.
I already wrote a review for this but after rereading it I decided that it was woefully inadequate for how good I think this book of poetry is.
Dead Dad Jokes tackles a topic that we all will have to deal with at some point, but that most of us prefer not to think about; the death of a parent or loved one. It is an ugly business, taking care of someone during their final weeks, days, hours. There is a dirty indignity to death and dying that Ollie Schminkey does not shy away from in this collection. They speak about the death of their father in brutal, gruesome language that doesn't flinch as it talks about bodily fluids and wound care and the complex emotional state of a caregiver.
Ollie Schminkey's openness is jarring; discussion of their complicated with relationship with their father and his alcoholism, painful memories and dark thoughts in the midst of caring for him in his final days, about unresolved issues and queerness in a space where queerness is unwelcome. It is all so raw and painful and honest. Ollie doesn't try to preserve their dad's dignity in these poems. They speak candidly about catheters and cleaning up their father's pee. But they also don't try to preserve their own dignity. They tear open their heart for the reader and say "I'm an undignified mess and I don't know what to do about it at this point." They acknowledge that the death of their father has left them in this strange limbo where all the unsaid things and all of the said things and all of the things they had to do and all of the things they didn't do echo through their head and color their memories.
This poetry was so hard to read, and it is not the type of thing I would recommend lightly. There is a lot of discussion of medical care that includes graphic descriptions of wounds and things Ollie had to do for their father. There is mention of transphobia, misgendering, and unaccepting parents. There is mention of substance abuse and animal abuse (not explicit) and the trauma that comes from it all. There is a lot to unpack in this collection, but it is wonderfully written and deserves all the attention that it can get.
This has not yet technically been released yet. I got it on NetGalley, but even despite the free copy that I received I have already added the print copy to my Amazon Wishlist and will be purchasing it as soon as it is available May 25, 2021. I encourage anyone with an interest in poetry who would not find themselves triggered by the topics mentioned above to give this a try.
April 5, 2021
4.5 stars
Some really f**king good poems about how family—in both life & death—hurts, sucks, & somehow simultaneously can be something really good. Also about grief & queerness. They’re really good, worth sitting with for a few hours.
[What I liked:]
•I liked every single poem. They are beautiful & authentic, capturing the ironies & tragedies of caring for a dying person you have really complicated feelings for. There is reverence but also laughter & fury. There is nothing fluffy or superfluous. I found meaning on every page. I feel seen as I’m in a very different yet very similar process of caregiving.
•I don’t want to call the writing raw, because the words are definitely crafted thoughtfully. Polished isn’t a good description neither, because these poems are too honest & real to be polite. But raw fits in the sense of a vital pulsing energy that’s running through the words & images & thoughts & memories. So many words that resonate & flash clear images in my head, but it’s not pretentious, it’s like having a conversation with someone & listening to them share what’s in them.
•The collection feels cohesive because all the poems are related to the titular theme, but the content isn’t repetitive. Different aspects are explored, including physical realities, emotional responses, memories that get stirred up, the illness, the moment of death, the process of grieving afterwards in public & private, etc.
[What I didn’t like as much:]
•I just wish there was more to read, I could’ve kept going. I’ll be checking out more of this poet’s work.
CW: mentions of substance abuse, mentions of transphobia & misgendering, terminal illness
[I received an ARC ebook copy from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. Thank you for the book!]
Some really f**king good poems about how family—in both life & death—hurts, sucks, & somehow simultaneously can be something really good. Also about grief & queerness. They’re really good, worth sitting with for a few hours.
[What I liked:]
•I liked every single poem. They are beautiful & authentic, capturing the ironies & tragedies of caring for a dying person you have really complicated feelings for. There is reverence but also laughter & fury. There is nothing fluffy or superfluous. I found meaning on every page. I feel seen as I’m in a very different yet very similar process of caregiving.
•I don’t want to call the writing raw, because the words are definitely crafted thoughtfully. Polished isn’t a good description neither, because these poems are too honest & real to be polite. But raw fits in the sense of a vital pulsing energy that’s running through the words & images & thoughts & memories. So many words that resonate & flash clear images in my head, but it’s not pretentious, it’s like having a conversation with someone & listening to them share what’s in them.
•The collection feels cohesive because all the poems are related to the titular theme, but the content isn’t repetitive. Different aspects are explored, including physical realities, emotional responses, memories that get stirred up, the illness, the moment of death, the process of grieving afterwards in public & private, etc.
[What I didn’t like as much:]
•I just wish there was more to read, I could’ve kept going. I’ll be checking out more of this poet’s work.
CW: mentions of substance abuse, mentions of transphobia & misgendering, terminal illness
[I received an ARC ebook copy from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. Thank you for the book!]
November 8, 2021
*3.5/5
This book gave me so many mixed feelings.
The style is definitely unconventional and doesn't read like any of the other poem collections I have read.
But then again, Ollie Schminkey is a slam poet, and I am not familiar with that.
The author literally pours their heart out and provide beautiful (even though not always flattering) imagery, all while mourning a distant and an alcoholic dad. I loved how raw, complicated and real the emotions were, and I loved walking through the author's mind, from their dad's sickness all through the process of recovery.
Although, I will admit that some poems I didn't like as much and some others, I believe would have been more powerful had they been shortened. But then again that's a personal preference.
As someone who also had to deal with the death of a close family member who had been sick for a long long time (my -almost- quadriplegic grandfather who after a stroke, spent the last 36 years of his life been cared for by the family) some of the poems and the sentiments really resonated with me (yeah, even the poems that were about the negative side of their dad, despite my grandfather being a literal angel).
I am going to end the review here before I get more emotional. Overall this was a positive reading experience and I hope we get to read more from the author.
If you made it this far, congratulations!
'Til next time, take care :) :) :)
I received a free e-book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
This book gave me so many mixed feelings.
The style is definitely unconventional and doesn't read like any of the other poem collections I have read.
But then again, Ollie Schminkey is a slam poet, and I am not familiar with that.
The author literally pours their heart out and provide beautiful (even though not always flattering) imagery, all while mourning a distant and an alcoholic dad. I loved how raw, complicated and real the emotions were, and I loved walking through the author's mind, from their dad's sickness all through the process of recovery.
Although, I will admit that some poems I didn't like as much and some others, I believe would have been more powerful had they been shortened. But then again that's a personal preference.
As someone who also had to deal with the death of a close family member who had been sick for a long long time (my -almost- quadriplegic grandfather who after a stroke, spent the last 36 years of his life been cared for by the family) some of the poems and the sentiments really resonated with me (yeah, even the poems that were about the negative side of their dad, despite my grandfather being a literal angel).
I am going to end the review here before I get more emotional. Overall this was a positive reading experience and I hope we get to read more from the author.
If you made it this far, congratulations!
'Til next time, take care :) :) :)
I received a free e-book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Currently reading
March 31, 2022This book is not for the faint of stomach or heart. Filled with the ache of the loss of a parent and some descriptions that definitely made me queasy this is not a read for everyone. It has a very specific audience. It has taken me forever to read it, not because it was bad but because the loss and the imagery were so graphic I had to constantly take breaks as to not fall down a deep hole.
May 11, 2021
This book came exactly at the right time in my life. My review of this book is more personal than critical, mainly for the place it holds in my heart. I've been a fan of Ollie's writing and prose ever since finding them on youtube years ago. They've been one of my biggest inspiration, not only in terms of writing, but also in terms of embracing the person you are despite the darkness you may hold.
Dead dad jokes is harsh. Its raw and at times uncomfortable to read. Ollie tells us exactly what death looks like. they tell us how ugly death is and how it often creeps in days, weeks and even months before settling in. The poems in this book discuss things we might ignore or refuse to think about until we are forced into this situation. Grief is different for everyone. Ollie deals with their grief using humour. Humour that would probably leave a room full of people completely silent but comforted a reader miles away.
Ever since day one, Ollie has been a comfort for me, the way they string words into sentences carrying emotions and trauma they have lived which resonates in so many ways with experiences i have lived. Dead dad jokes was no exception, it is helping me deal with the grief of a loved one who has recently been diagnosed with cancer. It's making me feel seen and understood and for me personally, that is greatest thing a book can bring you.
Thank you Netgalley for the ARC
5/5 stars
Dead dad jokes is harsh. Its raw and at times uncomfortable to read. Ollie tells us exactly what death looks like. they tell us how ugly death is and how it often creeps in days, weeks and even months before settling in. The poems in this book discuss things we might ignore or refuse to think about until we are forced into this situation. Grief is different for everyone. Ollie deals with their grief using humour. Humour that would probably leave a room full of people completely silent but comforted a reader miles away.
Ever since day one, Ollie has been a comfort for me, the way they string words into sentences carrying emotions and trauma they have lived which resonates in so many ways with experiences i have lived. Dead dad jokes was no exception, it is helping me deal with the grief of a loved one who has recently been diagnosed with cancer. It's making me feel seen and understood and for me personally, that is greatest thing a book can bring you.
Thank you Netgalley for the ARC
5/5 stars
May 18, 2021
Eviscerating, gripping poems about a young queer woman caring for her dying father and surviving the aftermath of his death.
The poet's father was a violent drunk who becomes soft and more loveable through his dying, a horrible bind to which I unfortunately relate, having seen my violent alcoholic stepfather become softened by impending death. The poems are often concerned with the physicality of nursing someone, the smells, the fact that one is forced to handle a body more intimately than one ever wanted to.
Everything about these poems is real and raw and moving. Highly recommend.
Thank you to Netgalley for letting me read this book in exchange for my honest review.
The poet's father was a violent drunk who becomes soft and more loveable through his dying, a horrible bind to which I unfortunately relate, having seen my violent alcoholic stepfather become softened by impending death. The poems are often concerned with the physicality of nursing someone, the smells, the fact that one is forced to handle a body more intimately than one ever wanted to.
Everything about these poems is real and raw and moving. Highly recommend.
Thank you to Netgalley for letting me read this book in exchange for my honest review.
May 20, 2021
When I picked up Dead Dad Jokes I didn't know that I was going to finish it in a single sitting, but I couldn't put it down. "I loved it" is a strange thing to say about a book that so intimately documents grief and strained relationships with the dead and dying, unless one is to consider the way love for a dying relative pierces the veil of strain and tension that stands between the dying and themself. This is the way in which I loved these poems, even as they tore into me.
May 8, 2021
*I received an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review*
It is always an alarming, as a reader, to feel as though the author could be writing about you. That's how Dead Dad Jokes made me feel. In the wake of a recent personal loss, this book captured so many of the confusing feelings of grief perfectly for me. Schminkey was unflinching in their descriptions of the beauty and ugliness of death; they didn't only conform to the popular narratives surrounding death. Their poetry of death showed all the messiness. They recognised their grief not just in their sadness but in their anger, their lust, their amusement.
'Raw' feels like a word that's been overused in describing poetry about grief and loss but I can think of no other word that does this work justice. I could not have enjoyed this book more and I cannot recommend it highly enough although I recognise that the frankness of this is not for everyone; read the content warnings and don't take them lightly.
It is always an alarming, as a reader, to feel as though the author could be writing about you. That's how Dead Dad Jokes made me feel. In the wake of a recent personal loss, this book captured so many of the confusing feelings of grief perfectly for me. Schminkey was unflinching in their descriptions of the beauty and ugliness of death; they didn't only conform to the popular narratives surrounding death. Their poetry of death showed all the messiness. They recognised their grief not just in their sadness but in their anger, their lust, their amusement.
'Raw' feels like a word that's been overused in describing poetry about grief and loss but I can think of no other word that does this work justice. I could not have enjoyed this book more and I cannot recommend it highly enough although I recognise that the frankness of this is not for everyone; read the content warnings and don't take them lightly.
April 11, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for making this available..
I liked the cover design, it's very poetic and creative.
"Every page is raw, honest and unforgettable", I had hopes for this, I thought it would be an interesting read. I felt so uncomfortable reading this, it made me feel like I was invading a dead man's personal space before he passed. I feel like the author told too much personal information about their father's passing from his bowel movements to his privates.
'Even when r*pe was the gospel preaching inside my body'
I didn't like that part ^
'the thing is, everytime I see a dick, I can't help but think of my dead dads dick and standing over my half-consious father, trying to scrub the blood off around the new catheter, and my gloved hands peeling back my father's ballsack, which was stuck to his leg and had created this horrible smelling rash,'
^ I thought this was too impersonal and I felt wrong reading it. Giving people information on losing and caring for a loved one is nice and could help people in dealing with it but this book just felt all kinds of wrong to me.
I liked the cover design, it's very poetic and creative.
"Every page is raw, honest and unforgettable", I had hopes for this, I thought it would be an interesting read. I felt so uncomfortable reading this, it made me feel like I was invading a dead man's personal space before he passed. I feel like the author told too much personal information about their father's passing from his bowel movements to his privates.
'Even when r*pe was the gospel preaching inside my body'
I didn't like that part ^
'the thing is, everytime I see a dick, I can't help but think of my dead dads dick and standing over my half-consious father, trying to scrub the blood off around the new catheter, and my gloved hands peeling back my father's ballsack, which was stuck to his leg and had created this horrible smelling rash,'
^ I thought this was too impersonal and I felt wrong reading it. Giving people information on losing and caring for a loved one is nice and could help people in dealing with it but this book just felt all kinds of wrong to me.
January 30, 2023
Excerpts:
i want all the things i want.
i don’t cry anymore.
it is what it is.
(from “the scab to peel back”)
—
my father is a dying man.
dying, meaning, helpless.
man, meaning, violent.
and what do you do with a helpless violence
except fetch it its glasses?
(from “he yells for me, and i go to him”)
—
if you do not feel guilty / you are doing it wrong / everyone says they want to help / but they still want you / to show up to work on time / to be professional about it / you go to therapy and have long talks in the car / let other people complain about shit / you don’t compare it to the death / because that’s selfish / really / to let your sadness be so large it stifles other people’s sadness / nobody wants to be around somebody who won’t let them have a bad day / advice: shut up about the dying already, okay? / it’s not new / we get it / it’s hard / go cook breakfast / people who are alive cook breakfast / people who are alive support other people / and listen / and don’t smash their heads against walls / or scream into pillows / or want to / fuck / you are a dead end street / dead / end
(from “how to be alive when your father is dying”)
i want all the things i want.
i don’t cry anymore.
it is what it is.
(from “the scab to peel back”)
—
my father is a dying man.
dying, meaning, helpless.
man, meaning, violent.
and what do you do with a helpless violence
except fetch it its glasses?
(from “he yells for me, and i go to him”)
—
if you do not feel guilty / you are doing it wrong / everyone says they want to help / but they still want you / to show up to work on time / to be professional about it / you go to therapy and have long talks in the car / let other people complain about shit / you don’t compare it to the death / because that’s selfish / really / to let your sadness be so large it stifles other people’s sadness / nobody wants to be around somebody who won’t let them have a bad day / advice: shut up about the dying already, okay? / it’s not new / we get it / it’s hard / go cook breakfast / people who are alive cook breakfast / people who are alive support other people / and listen / and don’t smash their heads against walls / or scream into pillows / or want to / fuck / you are a dead end street / dead / end
(from “how to be alive when your father is dying”)
June 29, 2021
Dead Dad Jokes by Ollie Schminkey is a Button Poetry published collection dealing with the death of her father from a terminal illness. Though the main themes of this book are queerness and grief, the trauma and writing are spun on its head because the bond between Ollie and their father was never particularly strong or even healthy and accepting. Consequently, the poetry collection examines and explores how death and pain altered the author’s relationship with their father.
This powerful, strong and unnerving collection has really stuck with me even weeks after finishing it. As many of you may know, I’m not the biggest fan of poetry because I never feel moved by or taken with them – there’s no connection or power between the words and me. While I may be able to acknowledge the brilliant writing, the effects are rarely as prominent as when I read a full-length novel. However, Ollie Schminkey has proved me wrong. The continuous themes of family, loss, grief, trauma and queerness allowed me to become deeply attached to the ongoing ‘plot’, so to speak, and I was so absorbed in the content and the style of writing.
The elegies throughout are written in free verse, with no capital letters, making the poems feel very personal, as if the thoughts had just come to the author, not rehearsed or edited. I rather enjoyed this style because again, it reinforced the attachment I had to the story because of this personal effect the style had.
Additionally, there was this constant comparison throughout of human death and animal death, with a lot of hunting analogy, referenced in the book cover. I found it brilliant how Schminkey managed to capture the experiences they had with their dad by using animals, hunting and the gore that is often present and link it to their experiences of loss and how to deal with it.
Following on from this, as the author is non-binary and transgender, the experience of “killing” their past, with the use of terms like “dead name” is another avenue the poet explored into the theme of death. In dealing with someone who was terminally ill, the identity of the author in effect become suppressed because of the needs of the dying dad. The experiences they talk about in regards to having to care for their father, and losing pieces of themselves and not being to implement activities that the author wanted to do was extremely moving and heart-breaking to read. The raw and tangible feelings expressed in the poems is something I haven’t in any poetry collection and was beyond impressed.
My favourites include Yet Another Poem About Roadkill and I Write My Dead Name in My Father’s Obituary which I think beautifully encapsulates both loss but also identity expression and dealing with two important topics at the same time in one’s life.
Overall, I would 100% recommend this to everyone. The writing isn’t complex but the topic are sometimes hard to grapple with, alongside its graphic content. Take caution reading the book but it is a really beautiful and raw collection.
This powerful, strong and unnerving collection has really stuck with me even weeks after finishing it. As many of you may know, I’m not the biggest fan of poetry because I never feel moved by or taken with them – there’s no connection or power between the words and me. While I may be able to acknowledge the brilliant writing, the effects are rarely as prominent as when I read a full-length novel. However, Ollie Schminkey has proved me wrong. The continuous themes of family, loss, grief, trauma and queerness allowed me to become deeply attached to the ongoing ‘plot’, so to speak, and I was so absorbed in the content and the style of writing.
The elegies throughout are written in free verse, with no capital letters, making the poems feel very personal, as if the thoughts had just come to the author, not rehearsed or edited. I rather enjoyed this style because again, it reinforced the attachment I had to the story because of this personal effect the style had.
Additionally, there was this constant comparison throughout of human death and animal death, with a lot of hunting analogy, referenced in the book cover. I found it brilliant how Schminkey managed to capture the experiences they had with their dad by using animals, hunting and the gore that is often present and link it to their experiences of loss and how to deal with it.
Following on from this, as the author is non-binary and transgender, the experience of “killing” their past, with the use of terms like “dead name” is another avenue the poet explored into the theme of death. In dealing with someone who was terminally ill, the identity of the author in effect become suppressed because of the needs of the dying dad. The experiences they talk about in regards to having to care for their father, and losing pieces of themselves and not being to implement activities that the author wanted to do was extremely moving and heart-breaking to read. The raw and tangible feelings expressed in the poems is something I haven’t in any poetry collection and was beyond impressed.
My favourites include Yet Another Poem About Roadkill and I Write My Dead Name in My Father’s Obituary which I think beautifully encapsulates both loss but also identity expression and dealing with two important topics at the same time in one’s life.
Overall, I would 100% recommend this to everyone. The writing isn’t complex but the topic are sometimes hard to grapple with, alongside its graphic content. Take caution reading the book but it is a really beautiful and raw collection.
May 9, 2021
3.5/5✨: I genuinely enjoyed the content of the book and the imagery was (at times gross but in a good way) and so moving but I often found it draining. I know the topic of the collection of poems deals with the passing of an absent father figure and the grief that comes along with being a carer for a dying loved one. But at times, I just had a stop and walk away from it cause it was too much. Maybe that was the purpose it. Maybe I'm not the target audience for the book but it was emotionally exhausting.
I did love reading the poems out loud as I'm a huge fan of spoken word because of the sound work and hearing the lines in the air. But at times, these stories felt more like venting then storytelling. The poems kept repeating moments that it made it less impact. I think this book would have benefited from some cuts so that it focused on the beautiful yet sad stories it had to tell.
But obviously, I'm not bashing the book or its ideals. I just think the emotions in the piece might have been too raw and complex for a wide audience. This book is great, it's just not for everyone. So keep that in mind when picking it book up, be aware for a heavy read that might force you to be uncomfortable and face the grief of a stranger.
----My ARC copy of the book was provided by the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair, unbiased review.----
I did love reading the poems out loud as I'm a huge fan of spoken word because of the sound work and hearing the lines in the air. But at times, these stories felt more like venting then storytelling. The poems kept repeating moments that it made it less impact. I think this book would have benefited from some cuts so that it focused on the beautiful yet sad stories it had to tell.
But obviously, I'm not bashing the book or its ideals. I just think the emotions in the piece might have been too raw and complex for a wide audience. This book is great, it's just not for everyone. So keep that in mind when picking it book up, be aware for a heavy read that might force you to be uncomfortable and face the grief of a stranger.
----My ARC copy of the book was provided by the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair, unbiased review.----
February 5, 2023
"and i can never tell if i'm sad / because my dad is dead or if i'm sad / because i'll never get the chance to have a good father"
quizás el relato de la muerte más humano que he leído nunca, la muerte del padre ausente y abusivo, la conciliación (que es más bien sacrificio) entre cuidar a un padre enfermo y tener un nombre por el que tu padre no te reconoce. llorar al muerto pero sin perdonarle:
"i knew i would be okay because i have always been, / i guess. even when rape was the gospel preaching / inside my body. even when i came out and was handed / a bible dipped in blood."
quizás el relato de la muerte más humano que he leído nunca, la muerte del padre ausente y abusivo, la conciliación (que es más bien sacrificio) entre cuidar a un padre enfermo y tener un nombre por el que tu padre no te reconoce. llorar al muerto pero sin perdonarle:
"i knew i would be okay because i have always been, / i guess. even when rape was the gospel preaching / inside my body. even when i came out and was handed / a bible dipped in blood."
March 30, 2021
*ARC provided by NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*
This book has vivid imagery and is a great exploration of grieving a parent you weren't close to until they were near the end. It seems to have an unnamed but clear theme of forgiveness. I do feel that Ollie's work evokes much more emotion when read aloud and I found this collection didn't really flow as well in my head as I had hoped.
This book has vivid imagery and is a great exploration of grieving a parent you weren't close to until they were near the end. It seems to have an unnamed but clear theme of forgiveness. I do feel that Ollie's work evokes much more emotion when read aloud and I found this collection didn't really flow as well in my head as I had hoped.
dnf
November 23, 2022This book just wasn’t for me. I couldn’t get into it because I struggled with the writing style. After reading reviews I see I am in the minority so please don’t let me thoughts affect your decision to read this or not.
October 5, 2025
Wildly so close to home. Grief is itchy. Thank you, Ollie.
November 10, 2023
A good grief journal. An appreciative magic accompanying your dad through the linear path of death. Helpful therapy for me.
February 11, 2023
I'm looking forward to more work by this poet.
May 26, 2021
This hit close to home. I am thankful; ever since my dad's death, I've been consuming books about dying. This is the first one that I've read to speak the truth about how ugly it is. It helps, to have the gore and the love and the grief and the ugly thoughts spoken about so candidly. Thank you.
"on Thursday, I got into a car accident, and my hands
already started calling him.
i hung up before he couldn't answer.
i googled what to do instead.
i smelled saltwater inside my car."
"on Thursday, I got into a car accident, and my hands
already started calling him.
i hung up before he couldn't answer.
i googled what to do instead.
i smelled saltwater inside my car."
May 6, 2021
Dead Dad Jokes is a book about dealing with death and the process of grief.
The author doesn't romanticise death or makes it pretty, but instead talks about it in all its ugliness. It let's the reader have a look into what dealing with a sickness, death, and loss is really like. As someone whose biggest fear is loss, it was hard to read this book. It presented such raw emotions and pain, that the reader can't do much, but think about life and their loved ones.
I rarely find a poetry book that is full of emotions, but this was definitely one of those books.
The author doesn't romanticise death or makes it pretty, but instead talks about it in all its ugliness. It let's the reader have a look into what dealing with a sickness, death, and loss is really like. As someone whose biggest fear is loss, it was hard to read this book. It presented such raw emotions and pain, that the reader can't do much, but think about life and their loved ones.
I rarely find a poetry book that is full of emotions, but this was definitely one of those books.
June 23, 2021
Like poet Ollie Schminkey, I'm in the dead dad club. I actually read Dead Dad Jokes primarily during Father's Day weekend as a sort of homage to my dead dad. Losing a parent in your twenties can be such an alienating experience because most people your age have never gone through that, and they have no idea how to act about it. Sometimes I need to tell dead dad jokes and that makes people deeeeeply uncomfortable. I didn't realise how badly I wanted other people my age to participate in this with until very recently when I read Tyler Feder's graphic memoir Dancing at the Pity Party. Because of my own loss and my complicated feelings about it, just seeing the title "Dead Dad Jokes" had me sold.
Like the author, I am queer, I had a complicated relationship with my father, and my father died of an illness in hospice (although the author's father took far longer to die than my own did). These similarities were really striking for me, and it was easy to relate them to my own experiences. It was so striking to read because a number of the poems felt like they came from somewhere inside me rather than something a separate human wrote. Reading the experiences that differed from my own was almost jarring, like it interrupted a moment inside me, although this is absolutely not the fault of the book or author. It comforted me to read something so raw and that I related to so deeply.
Dead Dad Jokes was an excellent poetry collection that served as a much-needed catharsis for me. I would highly recommend this collection to fellow lovers of poetry and fellow members of the dead dad club.
Like the author, I am queer, I had a complicated relationship with my father, and my father died of an illness in hospice (although the author's father took far longer to die than my own did). These similarities were really striking for me, and it was easy to relate them to my own experiences. It was so striking to read because a number of the poems felt like they came from somewhere inside me rather than something a separate human wrote. Reading the experiences that differed from my own was almost jarring, like it interrupted a moment inside me, although this is absolutely not the fault of the book or author. It comforted me to read something so raw and that I related to so deeply.
Dead Dad Jokes was an excellent poetry collection that served as a much-needed catharsis for me. I would highly recommend this collection to fellow lovers of poetry and fellow members of the dead dad club.
April 28, 2021
For me poetry is about entering the author's feelings, and in my personal opinion the best ones are the ones you just can't touch: when you read and you go places, like their words are waves that rubs your whole body. This particular collection of poetry, however, started okay for me, and then it just made me feel completely out of place, much more like it wasn't right for me to be reading it.
I know how hard it must be to lose your dad, and especially how sad it is to the person who took care of you be in such a bad condition. I've seen my dad take care of his ill dad, and I'm seeing my mother taking care of her mother, and how difficult it is for them too to understand they need to be taken care of. So I get the author's necessity to explore the feelings that grows with the process.
At first didn't understand he was alcoholic, it was after a few chapters in that I understood how complex the author's feelings about his absence and disorder were, and his death. Because of that I think the story would work much better as a narrative than a poetry/narrative: it felt impersonal and I couldn't connect with the text, like it was missing parts for me, as a reader, to truly be attached to what I was reading.
As someone here said, I too felt like I was invading this man's space, with lots of quotes that just rubbed me the wrong way; I think some of them should just have stayed in the author's head, because I, as a reader, didn't need that much information? Like these ones, for example:
"i still
remember the feeling of my father's corpse, his
soft hands growing stiff.
ha ha. growing stiff.
like a dick, right?"
or
"everyone tells me that my dad will
always be watching over me
and i'm like
—shut up, i'm just trying to masturbate—"
or
"after all of that, the first thing i said was
—i love you dad, but couldn't you have died
the day BEFORE i had to touch your dick?—"
and another quote I literally didn't understand was:
"i knew i would be okay because i have always
been, i guess. even when rape was the gospel
preaching inside my body"
Anyway, I really don't think this collection was for me, as I personally feels like it was written like Tumblr posts, with too much details that made me uncomfortable, and the writing would be better explored if the text wasn't in this poetry style. But I appreciate the opportunity to read, and a big thanks to NetGalley for providing me with this book*
I know how hard it must be to lose your dad, and especially how sad it is to the person who took care of you be in such a bad condition. I've seen my dad take care of his ill dad, and I'm seeing my mother taking care of her mother, and how difficult it is for them too to understand they need to be taken care of. So I get the author's necessity to explore the feelings that grows with the process.
At first didn't understand he was alcoholic, it was after a few chapters in that I understood how complex the author's feelings about his absence and disorder were, and his death. Because of that I think the story would work much better as a narrative than a poetry/narrative: it felt impersonal and I couldn't connect with the text, like it was missing parts for me, as a reader, to truly be attached to what I was reading.
As someone here said, I too felt like I was invading this man's space, with lots of quotes that just rubbed me the wrong way; I think some of them should just have stayed in the author's head, because I, as a reader, didn't need that much information? Like these ones, for example:
"i still
remember the feeling of my father's corpse, his
soft hands growing stiff.
ha ha. growing stiff.
like a dick, right?"
or
"everyone tells me that my dad will
always be watching over me
and i'm like
—shut up, i'm just trying to masturbate—"
or
"after all of that, the first thing i said was
—i love you dad, but couldn't you have died
the day BEFORE i had to touch your dick?—"
and another quote I literally didn't understand was:
"i knew i would be okay because i have always
been, i guess. even when rape was the gospel
preaching inside my body"
Anyway, I really don't think this collection was for me, as I personally feels like it was written like Tumblr posts, with too much details that made me uncomfortable, and the writing would be better explored if the text wasn't in this poetry style. But I appreciate the opportunity to read, and a big thanks to NetGalley for providing me with this book*
April 10, 2021
This collection focusses almost entirely on the tragic loss of the poet’s father. Schminkey lays bare the visceral indignity of a slow, painful death. Having always had a complicated relationship with their father (an alcoholic with a violent streak), the poems do an excellent job of exploring the fraught middle-ground between grief and resentment, posing interestingly nuanced questions: Are sympathy and care familial rights, or should they have to be earned? Does death absolve someone of their mistakes? Is it wrong to feel relieved when someone finally lets go?
As a performance poet, Schminkey’s style has a strong sense of narrative and momentum, making their work very approachable. Though the razor-sharp focus on a single theme makes the collection feel cohesive, it also makes it harder for individual pieces to stand out, the relentlessly heavy subject matter a possible deterrent for some. A few pieces briefly touched on their experience with gender and identity as a trans, non-binary person, and the joy that came with acceptance of their queerness. A greater focus on this angle would have allowed for some tonal light and shade. In all, Shminkey is a poet I’m glad to have discovered.
Thank you to the publisher for a free advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
As a performance poet, Schminkey’s style has a strong sense of narrative and momentum, making their work very approachable. Though the razor-sharp focus on a single theme makes the collection feel cohesive, it also makes it harder for individual pieces to stand out, the relentlessly heavy subject matter a possible deterrent for some. A few pieces briefly touched on their experience with gender and identity as a trans, non-binary person, and the joy that came with acceptance of their queerness. A greater focus on this angle would have allowed for some tonal light and shade. In all, Shminkey is a poet I’m glad to have discovered.
Thank you to the publisher for a free advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews