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Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child
Parents often wonder--"Are we pushing our children too much, or too little?"
What do kids really need to be successful and happy people? For parents, how they answer this question will determine how they will raise their children, what lessons their children will learn, what values they will adopt, and, ultimately, what kinds of adults they will become.
Taylor, an experienced doctor of psychology, gives parents clear and balanced instruction on how to encourage children just enough to produce a happy, successful, satisfied achiever. Pushed properly, Taylor believes, children will grow into adults ready to tackle life's many challenges. Using his three-pillared approach, Taylor focuses on self-esteem, ownership, and emotional mastery, and maintains that rather than being a means of control, pushing should be both a source of motivation and a catalyst for growth which can instill important values in children's lives. He teaches parents how to temper their own expectations to suit their children's emotional, intellectual, and physical development, and identifies common red flags that indicate when a child is being pushed too hard -- or not enough.
Whether a child's potential for achievement lies in academics, the arts, sports, or other areas, Dr. Taylor's insight and guidance will push parents, teachers, and coaches to nurture children into successful and happy adults.
What do kids really need to be successful and happy people? For parents, how they answer this question will determine how they will raise their children, what lessons their children will learn, what values they will adopt, and, ultimately, what kinds of adults they will become.
Taylor, an experienced doctor of psychology, gives parents clear and balanced instruction on how to encourage children just enough to produce a happy, successful, satisfied achiever. Pushed properly, Taylor believes, children will grow into adults ready to tackle life's many challenges. Using his three-pillared approach, Taylor focuses on self-esteem, ownership, and emotional mastery, and maintains that rather than being a means of control, pushing should be both a source of motivation and a catalyst for growth which can instill important values in children's lives. He teaches parents how to temper their own expectations to suit their children's emotional, intellectual, and physical development, and identifies common red flags that indicate when a child is being pushed too hard -- or not enough.
Whether a child's potential for achievement lies in academics, the arts, sports, or other areas, Dr. Taylor's insight and guidance will push parents, teachers, and coaches to nurture children into successful and happy adults.
304 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2002
11 people are currently reading
172 people want to read
About the author
Jim Taylor
30 books2 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Jim Taylor, PhD, CC-AASP, is an internationally recognized consultant and presenter on the psychology of sport and parenting. He has served as a consultant for the U.S. and Japanese ski teams, the United States Tennis Association, and USA Triathlon. He has worked with professional and world-class athletes in tennis, skiing, cycling, triathlon, track and field, swimming, golf, and many other sports. He has been invited to lecture by the Olympic Committees of Spain, France, Poland, and the United States, and he has been a consultant to the athletic departments at Stanford University and the University of California, Berkeley. Taylor has authored or edited 18 books, published more than 800 articles, and given more than 1,000 workshops and presentations throughout North and South America, Europe, and the Middle East.
A former world-ranked alpine ski racer, Taylor is a second-degree black belt and certified instructor in karate, a marathon runner, and an Ironman triathlete. He earned his PhD in psychology from the University of Colorado. He is a former associate professor in the school of psychology at Nova University and a former clinical associate professor in the sport and performance psychology graduate program at the University of Denver. Taylor is currently an adjunct faculty member at the University of San Francisco.
Jim Taylor, PhD, CC-AASP, is an internationally recognized consultant and presenter on the psychology of sport and parenting. He has served as a consultant for the U.S. and Japanese ski teams, the United States Tennis Association, and USA Triathlon. He has worked with professional and world-class athletes in tennis, skiing, cycling, triathlon, track and field, swimming, golf, and many other sports. He has been invited to lecture by the Olympic Committees of Spain, France, Poland, and the United States, and he has been a consultant to the athletic departments at Stanford University and the University of California, Berkeley. Taylor has authored or edited 18 books, published more than 800 articles, and given more than 1,000 workshops and presentations throughout North and South America, Europe, and the Middle East.
A former world-ranked alpine ski racer, Taylor is a second-degree black belt and certified instructor in karate, a marathon runner, and an Ironman triathlete. He earned his PhD in psychology from the University of Colorado. He is a former associate professor in the school of psychology at Nova University and a former clinical associate professor in the sport and performance psychology graduate program at the University of Denver. Taylor is currently an adjunct faculty member at the University of San Francisco.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 2, 2013
I found this book to be full of excellent advice for parents of highly talented children. While mine are very intelligent and interested in their school and extracurricular activities, they are not in the top 1% of scholars/athletes/musicians that are the intended audience for much of this content. The book is an extended warning signal to parents whose overenthusiastic, overbearing involvement threatens to squelch the exceptional talent of a prodigy.
That said, there is good advice for parents of more typical performing children as well, and it was reassuring to know that in most cases, we are not doing anything damaging. I found the authors he referenced to be very interesting, and have a to-read list based on his citations. But my children are not looking to enter medical school or Julliard before adolescence, so the cautions here were a bit far-flung for my family. This would be an important read for a parent inclined to hover over a talented child to the point of demotivating that child, and teaching the parent to step back and intervene in a more positive fashion is the scope of this book.
That said, there is good advice for parents of more typical performing children as well, and it was reassuring to know that in most cases, we are not doing anything damaging. I found the authors he referenced to be very interesting, and have a to-read list based on his citations. But my children are not looking to enter medical school or Julliard before adolescence, so the cautions here were a bit far-flung for my family. This would be an important read for a parent inclined to hover over a talented child to the point of demotivating that child, and teaching the parent to step back and intervene in a more positive fashion is the scope of this book.
January 17, 2019
I had this in my possession from my local library for over 2 years. I started it one night and only got through the first few pages. Then left it for another day. I guess your reading is based on your motivation, I feel like I have made many mistakes as a parent but I was not motivated enough to research it. Most parenting or motivational "be happy" books I pick up and skim through and think "I already know this stuff" but I don't fulling follow through with it. Excuse after excuse. Finally, I picked up this book and "forced" myself to read it completely. I know have a notebook full of suggestions, motivations, insights and more on how to be a better parent. I have been working toward it already, to calm the anxiety, stop stressing so much. stop with the busy and rushed schedule. And over the last few years I have gotten better. But this book still had more insight for me and reminded me that it will not take a year or 2 or 5, it will take time, and some people develop faster than others. But I will get there.
October 11, 2024
Speedread - I always feel like reviewing parenting books is hard because I won’t ever know if they’re right or wrong!
That said, overall I liked the vocabulary and helpful summaries and breakdowns, making this a very accessible and useful book for discussing and understanding his points without getting bogged down in the topics unless you want to.
However, there were many places where I thought the book lacked opportunities to offer valuable exercises or systems to troubleshoot or build healthy habits. With a 5 year old kid, everything makes sense, but there weren’t a lot of helpful tactics - only guidelines on strategies and thought patterns. Those are valuable, but as we are in the early stages of establishing the baselines of helping our kid discover their own interests and opportunities for achievements, the book didn’t offer a lot of helpful exercises to use to do that.
So overall, for detecting trouble and identifying problems and thinking in a big picture way, the book seems valuable; in terms of putting those ideas into practice, not useless, but less valuable.
That said, overall I liked the vocabulary and helpful summaries and breakdowns, making this a very accessible and useful book for discussing and understanding his points without getting bogged down in the topics unless you want to.
However, there were many places where I thought the book lacked opportunities to offer valuable exercises or systems to troubleshoot or build healthy habits. With a 5 year old kid, everything makes sense, but there weren’t a lot of helpful tactics - only guidelines on strategies and thought patterns. Those are valuable, but as we are in the early stages of establishing the baselines of helping our kid discover their own interests and opportunities for achievements, the book didn’t offer a lot of helpful exercises to use to do that.
So overall, for detecting trouble and identifying problems and thinking in a big picture way, the book seems valuable; in terms of putting those ideas into practice, not useless, but less valuable.
February 22, 2024
Very insightful book! The author could have been more concise in some of his language, but the insights and advice in the book are solid.
August 17, 2011
As someone who works with children, and who is the aunt of a now-13 year old (who was 5 when I read this book), I'm always looking for good books on how to support children to be the best they can be. This one really hits the mark.
The author has a sound grasp of the subject of achievement, which he demonstrates through the use of solid references, research, and personal examples via his clinical practice. He writes in a way that is clear and easy for readers to apply to their own life. As someone who coaches floor hockey, I've already begun to use some of his techniques in supporting some of the parents who take their pushing too far. The author strikes a nice balance between encouraging parents to ensure that children take opportunities to try different things, and forcing too many activities on to children. The use of lists at the end of each chapter to summarize key concepts and ideas is really useful.
I would caution readers that the author's skewering of the self esteem movement is simplistic, at best. He does seem to be moralizing here, and I found myself tuning out at times. I would also disagree with his statements on unconditional love. The problem is he is actually mislabelling 'approval' as love. Parents should love their children no matter what. Love is not a weapon to be used to ensure certain behaviour from a child. I always love my niece, which she knows. She also knows, however, that I don't always approve of her behaviour and/or choices, and what the consequences are if she crosses certain boundaries. The author sends really mixed messages, because for all his talk about the 'dangers of unconditional love', at other times he does seem to understand the need to separate one's feelings about a child's behavior and choices from one's feelings about the person as a whole.
Lastly, I confess to finding some of the chapters to be a bit long. I found I took breaks from the book because it felt like overload at times. But the author uses alot of subheadings, so there are numerous logical spots to 'take a break', so this this problem wasn't as annoying as some other books with long chapters.
This book has many useful ideas, and the subject is very worthwhile. Highly reccommended to all!
The author has a sound grasp of the subject of achievement, which he demonstrates through the use of solid references, research, and personal examples via his clinical practice. He writes in a way that is clear and easy for readers to apply to their own life. As someone who coaches floor hockey, I've already begun to use some of his techniques in supporting some of the parents who take their pushing too far. The author strikes a nice balance between encouraging parents to ensure that children take opportunities to try different things, and forcing too many activities on to children. The use of lists at the end of each chapter to summarize key concepts and ideas is really useful.
I would caution readers that the author's skewering of the self esteem movement is simplistic, at best. He does seem to be moralizing here, and I found myself tuning out at times. I would also disagree with his statements on unconditional love. The problem is he is actually mislabelling 'approval' as love. Parents should love their children no matter what. Love is not a weapon to be used to ensure certain behaviour from a child. I always love my niece, which she knows. She also knows, however, that I don't always approve of her behaviour and/or choices, and what the consequences are if she crosses certain boundaries. The author sends really mixed messages, because for all his talk about the 'dangers of unconditional love', at other times he does seem to understand the need to separate one's feelings about a child's behavior and choices from one's feelings about the person as a whole.
Lastly, I confess to finding some of the chapters to be a bit long. I found I took breaks from the book because it felt like overload at times. But the author uses alot of subheadings, so there are numerous logical spots to 'take a break', so this this problem wasn't as annoying as some other books with long chapters.
This book has many useful ideas, and the subject is very worthwhile. Highly reccommended to all!
May 30, 2010
Have you wondered how to encourage your children the right way? Do you wonder how to teach them that success comes from hard work but they can find enjoyment in the process of achieving? Children become successful adults when they can find meaningful pursuits they can commit to and work hard in. This is an excellent book for any parent who wants helpful insights into pushing their kids without driving them away.
July 8, 2010
This book was really interesting. However it took me a while to read it b/c it was my "day time" reading opposed to "evening entertainment" reading, and I don't really have that much time during the day to read.... Very informative for parents and non-parents alike.
August 29, 2008
I put an arrow at the advice to strive for excellence rather than perfection. At least it's attainable.
February 21, 2009
This book helps to learn to articulate values expectations for children and "let go" so that they can become all that they can be. The principles worked well with my son.
March 12, 2009
Great resource book! I agree with the author on almost every point he makes. He quotes many of my favorite and helpful parneting experts and covers a wide area of parenting concerns.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews